It was a cold morning — of course, not comparable to what Equestria had offered her in the past, but still mildly inconveniencing. Dawn had just beckoned its end, allowing few rays of dim sunlight to shimmer through the thick treetops, cloaking the street in tightly packed shadows.

The girl was bored to death — the absence of sound, except for that of distant motor engines failing to start, not helping. Normally the others would've been with her, making the minutes of waiting turn into seconds, and the seconds melt away. However, that was not the case — she was alone, standing there on the cold pavement, trying not to scream to entertain herself.

And so, like she did way too often these days, she began untangling the wad that was her mind. In the process of creating shopping lists and handling other tiresome thoughts however, she failed to notice that with every string of thought she managed to get ahold of, more and more words escaped her mouth — making her slowly begin a conversation with herself.

“Ah, w͠hy did I convince myself to show up half an hour early?” she said, moaning over her stupidity. “And wh͟y did I tell the others I'd be fine waiting alone?” Groaning, she leaned against the lamppost next to her, her eyes aimlessly trailing off into the distance. "P-perhaps..." Sunset had pulled on the wrong strings, making her stumble upon a long-forgotten, no, a long-suppressed feeling. A feeling, which, considering what it had brought her in the past, had become nothing but a synonym for sadness.

"Nah, that's horse crap," she declared, chuckling away her tears and what she knew to be true — deep deep down, trapped in a pit she'd one day fall in without return. "Must've been me being overzealous I suppose. Jeez, how much did I drink that night to spout such trash? I always sound like some self-righteous cunt when I'm drunk." A long pause disrupted her half-awake ramblings, giving herself enough time to come to a rather grim conclusion...

The eyes of the hamster running in its wheel inside her head went wide open; hers following. “Oh buck! I always sound like Rainbow Dash! Heh, at least only when I'm horsed. Still, might as well consider getting drunk on bleach then, I guess.“ A cackle escaped her mouth, indicating that jokes and alcohol — her favorite scapegoat — had once more helped her escape the dark truth reaching not for her mind, but heart.

Sunset continued a little more with her chatter but soon felt the words become heavier and heavier. Slurred over her icy lips, they seemed to pull on her eyelids. And so, together they — the lack of rest, the absence of a distraction and her self-sung lullaby — slowly nagged on Sunset's caffeine-induced state of being awake. She tried to resist the temptation of getting just a little more of sleep — Twilight's soon... coming. Must stay... awake — however, didn't account for her eyes being such weaklings. They resigned quickly, letting Sunset's body fall to the ground, and her mind into the realm of dreams.

Lying on the lawn — the grass her matress, the air her blanket — she curled around, as if she were still in Equestria and were galloping over colorful meadows. Luckily, no bypassers were nearby. Otherwise, they'd probably have called an ambulance thinking she was having a stroke or seizure.
But in reality, Sunset tried to hug the backpack she'd let fall when closing the windows to her soul. And when windows are closed and only dark remains, secrets reveal themselves. She began whispering the name of the person she dreamed — probably even wished — the backpack to be. The only person being even more oblivious of Sunset's feelings than Backonhair herself:

“T-T-Twi…”

Twilight had been gone for almost two weeks now. A workshop on crystalline structures had caught her interest during the girls' last school holidays. And, about three weeks after her application, she had received the long-awaited letter of acceptance.

Despite being filled with joy to be able to attend the workshop — for some reason had the same been quite popular — she originally did not intend on attending. She wanted to stay with her friends. They had grown so close to her over the little time she knew them, that being without them seemed impossible — even at learning about friendship, she was the best.

Sunset had been the only one of the girls sharing Twi's point of view, hardly letting anyone voice another opinion. It had reminded Twilight of a lion defending its female. She could, to this very day, not fathom why Sunset had blushed so heavily and the others had sighed in distress when she had voiced that thought. However, after everyone had calmed down a bit, the girls were able to reassure Twilight that doing things on her own didn't mean she was a bad friend, making her comply to take part in the much-discussed event. The girls were always delighted to see how much the two Twilights resembled one another. Over-the-top conclusions, bearly believable future scenarios, and hyperventilation seemed to be something one could bond over — counting each other's grey hairs sounds delightful!

Convincing Sunset Shimmer was a different story, though. The girl had "calmed herself down" with the nearest alcoholic liquid — an old bottle of liquor from last year's Christmas — she had been able to find. The red-greenish, Christmas themed bottle had served her many times before and had probably seen more of the world than most could ever wish for. Bits of schmutz and wine (liquor wasn't her only companion) outlined fingerprints of shame. The white ornaments garnishing the bottle looked like impregnated snow, but upon closer inspection, turned out to be nothing more than barfed up, hardened booze.

Yet, that time it had seemed as if even this old friend could not help her. Sunset had held the liquor bottle over her eye when Twilight came in. The same had been fairly worried about her given sight, thinking that Sunset had already drunk enough alcohol to make her think the bottle was a telescope.

Their conversation still plagued Sunset. Even in her current dream.

"S-Sunset?" started Twilight, hopefully awaiting a reply. Nothing came in response making the girl unsure whether Sunset and hers exchange of sentimentalities couldn't have been rescheduled to a less... drunk occasion — Twilight was very well aware that Sunset wasn't drunk but wanted to avoid the confrontation she so desperately needed to have, yet couldn't.

She was about to quietly leave the room, as if nothing had happened, when suddenly, something in her brain... clicked. She physically, couldn't leave the room. Something, whatever if was, screamed at her to talk — and she listened. Instead of backing off, she stepped towards the red-haired astrologist. "I thought you might need someone to... you know... work stuff out."

"I-I don't want to talk right now! I'm way too drunk," came from Sunset’s mouth, as she tried to undercut the sobbing or more so quivering sound her voice wasn't used to presenting itself in.

"Your voice is way too clear for you to be drunk. A-And, I wanted to talk to you for a while now," she said before taking a deep breath. "So , I'm not leaving!" Twilight balled up her hands and closed her knees, attempting to look determined.

“Then you might as well be talking to a wall,” said an exhausted, almost listless sounding Sunset. Twilight raised one of her eyebrows, looking questioningly at Sunset. "Walls do not talk in Equestria, Twilight." Twilight felt her heart skip, completely ignoring Sunset's cheeky remark, as it was very unusual for her friends to call her anything but Sci-Twi (or Twi for short). She hated that name. It made her feel—

"And… ehm. Don't you think you want to go to the toilet before investigating me? I don't care, but it looks like you need some..." A muffled cough behind her hand disrupted her sentence, in the hope, she wouldn't have to end it. Yet, Twi, as oblivious as she always was, didn't seem to catch on and only responded with an unknowing look.

“...relief.“

Twilight glanced down, seeing that her "pose of determination" looked as if she was close to dripping all over the floor. But that wasn't her only concern. Sunset’s 'I don't care but…' worried her a little as she was not sure if it was meant to be a joke, or a serious remark indicating that esports wasn't the only sport Sunset enjoyed. "N-No! That was just a... my... nevermind," responded the girl, desperately trying to hide the red curtain of embarrassment spread across her face. "A-And stop trying to distract me!"

No response.

It seemed as if she had to drag the conversation herself, although when she continued once more, she sounded more sad than serious or worried. "You see..." Silence — like a gardener's shovel on a hot summer day — cut into the sentence as if it was dirt. You can do this. J-Just tell her how you feel. She's your friend and there'll surely be a logical reason. She gulped down her worries as best as she could: "It's just that lately, you've seemed very distant towards me and I have no i-idea why. D-Did I do something wrong? If so, please tell me Sunset. Please..."

Twilight's fear was palpable through the thick stone walls and would've probably alerted the others if it hadn't been for them leaving the two alone to sort stuff out.

"A-are you still m-mad because I hugged you too hard the other day and made your nose bleed. I still d-don't know why the others found that so funny a-and I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you or something." No, that can't be it! She still talked to me after that. She only started ignoring me after... "I-Is it because you kissed me, Sunset Shimmer?"

Why did she say it like that? D-Did she like— "It was just an accident, Sunset. I told you, you didn't have to be embarassed." Tears began welling down Sunset's face. "And, e-even if it wasn't that, can you please stop avoiding me? We can talk about this, but for weeks we haven't been in the same room. You a-always left when I came..."

Twilight had in her past — long before she had met her friends — already dealt with ignorance and exclusion. She was used to being cast out by others; but not by her friends. How could Sunset Shimmer, her dearest friend, treat her the same? Was she not good enough to be Twilight, to be herself? Was the other Twilight superior to her in a degree that she could bring nothing but disappointment?

Twilight stopped herself from sobbing any further, before once more beginning a sentence — although this time it didn't seem as if she would stop. "D-Do you h-hate me, Sunset Shimmer?" She wasn't expecting an answer, therefore continued, overshadowing Sunset's audible gritting. "Do all of you hate me!? Tell me!" she shouted. "Please... Sunset. Please tell me. Because I can't, and don't want to, answer that question myself." With every word she said, and every breath she took, her throat hurt more and more. But, even if she had to tear her own vocal cords out to get answer, she would do so.
"Sci-Twi. Is that all I am? Has my life led to nothing but to become a disappointing replacement for somebody else?" Her voice lost volume as she lay down onto Sunset’s bed and looked at the ceiling. Her eyes were full of tears and did not serve their purpose anymore. Long pieces of wet, thick damask lay upon her eyelids forming a see-through counterpart of her long, voluminous eyelashes.

"Twilight. My name is Twilight Sparkle. And hearing it is all I wish for. If my name is directed at me, but at someone other... What implication does that hold. Am I me? Do I deserve to be me?!" She looked into the mirror, desperatly hoping she would see herself and not a princess — she was disappointed. "B-Because otherwise..." Twilight grew silent as she decided not to end that sentence.

"Sunset, I don't know if you did it on purpose, or if you did it by mistake, but you called me Twilight just now." Sunset readied herself to get up as she sensed in which direction the conversation would head. Listening to Twilight had become monotonous as it served no function but hold a mirror up to the fire-locked girl.
"And as sad as this sounds, it made me h-happy." She smiled feebly, but not for long. The Twilight in the mirror did it so much better; was so much better. "It made me happy to hear one of my friends acknowledge me for who I am. Otherwise, it would've probably been the noose—"

Sunset had enough and interrupted her abruptly: "How can you even say such a thing!? We all like you the way you are. We are your friends goddamnit! Do you have any idea how much you mean to us!?"

"How can I even say such a thing?!" Twilight responded angrily, being noticeably surprised by Sunset’s words. "Just the other day...

"I don't know, Rares. I mean, what are we supposed to do now? She simply ain't fittin' to us. I can barely hear her, and the old Twilight was always so... there.

"Oh absolutely, Applejack. But that's just how things are now. I miss her myself, but...

Sunset found no response as she could not believe what her ears had just heard. And, she was right to do so...

"... it's just a voice. Our old one— Agh, I hate saying it like that. And calling the other by her nickname isn't any better."

"You mean, Sci?"

"Yes, that one. Or Twi, I believe. But I fear that will have to suffice for now."

"Why don't we just call the pony-one, Twi? "

"Ah, that's a great idea. Let's talk about that with the others. Anyways... what was I saying again, darling?"

"Ehm, something about her voice?"

"Ah, yes. So, it's only normal that Sci's voice is a bit more... "tender" than Twi's. Twi has experience in public, as a princess. And Sci... doesn't. Opening up infront of her teachers is something very different from singing in front of a crowd of strangers."

"I guess so"

"I'm sure it will get better as soon as she opens up a little. It will all work out...

"And hearing them say stuff like that made me wonder if me killing myself would ultimately make a difference. I mean, you have the other Twilight, don't you? So who'd really miss me except for my family?"

Twilight had calmed down a little making her sound more collected but not any less irrational — lunacy filtered every snippet of sense. "I have already made a list of everything: Who should get what and why, some last wor—"

Sunset couldn't hold in any longer, practically shouting: "I would miss you Twilight!" The girl (her face as red as her hair at this point) was furious. "Twilight, I l-lo..." Sunset stopped. "All of us would miss you. You are the smartest, most ambitious, and most beautiful girl I, we've ever met, and we wouldn't trade you for anything in the world!"

Twilight looked at Sunset with her big, watery eyes. "How can you lie to me like that, Sunset? How can somebody like me be beautiful? How can you b-be so cruel! I've done nothing but torment you with how inadequate of a human I am! I stole your magic, endangered all of Canterlot High, and almost completely destroyed the world. And all of that because of my selfishness."

Sunset became frightened as she understood the root of Twilight's problems, and how she was once more looking at a reflection of herself. Her fragile heart of porcelain exposed to be seen by all. The facade of happiness had fallen. What could only be seen was a cold, dried out, carcass hanging from a few threads. A once blooming rose had found its fate as a faded petal of white and grey — life and love gave way to ashes and anguish.

She could hear herself whispering in unison with Twilight, when she once more started talking. "I don't know what to do! How can I make up for what I've done? I have nothing to give this world but sorrow and patheticness. People who once loved me hate me; and that rightfully. Slitting open my veins seems to be what my victims need to forgive me."

Though, one sentence was to be heard alone from Twilight’s mouth. "But more importantly, what I need to forgive myself."

Sunset's tears painted the floor beneath her in glass, as her own shell had fallen into pieces. She had once had the same conversation with the other Twilight long ago and worked the following years on nothing but to make up for her crimes. She had made others forgive her but had never seen what Twilight had just brought to her eyes.

She hadn't forgiven herself.

A burst of emotions ran through Sunset's mind as she only then realized that Twilight had indeed spoken to a wall this whole time. A worthless object offering nothing to the situation and only absorbing its contents, had sat in front of her.

Sunset fell to her knees as the girls cried a cacophony. "I-I'm sorry," whimpered the both as salty tears ran over their bodies — opening past wounds and drowning hope.

The always burning flame having left her, Sunset wanted nothing but darkness; nothing but cold. To sleep in the arms of Lethes to forget, and to be forgotten. Limp like a sack, her head resigned. The impact was hard, the pain not hard enough. And yet, her eyes fell shut. But although the curtain had closed, the play continued. Twilight's screams of loahting were distorted and shifted into ones of pain. Screams that were all too familiar for Sunset — even in her current state — to overhear. Her head shot up as fast as it had fallen. And then, she had seen it...

Twilight had broken her glasses and cut her palms. Cuts, deep and precise, began between the gaps of her fingers and were advancing along her radial arteries. Dark blood was smothered across the floor and walls.
Gowned in her crimson dress, Twilight had collapsed onto the heater standing next to Sunset's bed. "P-Please..." she wailed as two of her bloodstained fingers reached for the thermostat and gave it a full twist.

The cry rendered the room silent.

Twilight pressed her hands forcefully against the now-turned-on heater, making her quiver in pain.

"Tw-Twilight..." Sunset uttered. Twilight's normally purple hands began to slowly adopt a more reddish tone of color — lavender bleeding of blue. Sunset was stunned by the horrid performance. A house of cards had fallen apart and was to slowly be consumed by flames.

The girl tried to get up but felt a stinging pain hindering her. Searching for its source, she bathed her hand in blood and yelped — she herself had been cut. The liquor bottle had shattered. And its shards had eaten their way into Sunset’s inner thigh making her gasp sharply when trying to get up for the second time.

I-I cant do it.

Twilight had then collapsed on the heater, fully exposing her soft skin to the burning hot metal beneath. Sunset could see the red stains becoming darker and darker. She ached as she pulled herself to her feet instinctively reaching for her friend.

"Tw-Twilight..." she silently screamed, limping towards the incapacitated girl.

Suddenly, the heater gave off a loud crack before leaning onto its side. Leaving all reservations behind, Sunset sprinted in the direction of the blazing wreck of purple. Her tears tasting salty and full of determination.

"Twilight!"

The bus loudly stopped at the other side of the road, making Sunset wake up from what she wished to have been a nightmare instead of memories.

Author's Note

See ya soon,
Shim <3