“I don’t care what other ponies say, I like Busch Light.”
Author's Note
“I don’t care what other ponies say, I like Busch Light.”
Five years prior to current Mustardverse canon…
Cadance’s knees were pressed firmly to the wooden floor. She’d been there for seconds, minutes… days even, but she was no closer to completing her goal.
What was said goal, you might ask?
Immortality.
The gaping and flappy vagina in front of her was crinkled and ripened with age, much like an old banana. Wafts of fish oil, insect droppings and bingo chips seared her nostril hairs as she moved closer to it. The odor surrounding Granny Smith’s scrambled eggs between the legs was so thick Cadance felt she could drink it.
“Go Cadance,” Celestia said from right behind her. “You must follow your destiny. Now is the time to come alive.”
Cadance gulped down a breath of not-so-fresh air and nodded. “As you wish, Princess.”
She moved closer, the increasing amounts of toxic waste wasting away tidbits of her facial fur…
It was do or die. One day. Of old age. The ritual of the Maggot Encrusted Vaginal Queef (M.E.V.Q.) was upon her.
Four Years, Seven Months, Thirty-Three Days Later…
It was a beautiful Thursday in Ponyville, yet Rarity found herself in a tizzy. Spike’s Ice Cream & Sandwich Shoppe was three days into its newest promotion, a themed sundae devised by Iron Will himself. For the first week of the promotion, he himself would be doing meet and greets with the denizens of Equestria, many of whom had traveled far and wide just to get a taste of his legendary creation.
The Chocolate Fudge Cheesecake Sundae with Cherry Topping.
“Come one, come all, for IRON WILL’S NEWEST CREATION!” The Minotaur called out. Rarity sidled past him, making her way into the shop. As she unlocked the doors, Iron Will turned his head back to her. “Uh, Rarity? We might have a small issue.”
“Hm…?” Rarity’s eyebrow rose up like a bird rising up. “What is it, Mr. Will?”
“Well…” Iron Will rubbed the back of his head nervously. “We kinda ran out of cheese yesterday.”
Long ago, Rarity may have panicked at the very notion of running out of ingredients, but not this time. Her experience when they ran out of cherry topping had prepared her for this very moment.
“Not to worry!” Rarity exclaimed proudly. “Give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll have enough cheese to last for the entire promotion!”
With that, Rarity swung the door open and galloped inside.
“Well… After I take a huge dump,” she trailed off, heading to the restroom.
Whilst taking said dump, Rarity knew exactly who she needed to communicate with to resolve this little opportunity. There was one pony and one pony only that had enough cheese to satisfy the town.
“That’s right! Mph! Yeah…” Cadance’s throat moaned and groaned as she went in and out, in and out… in and out. “You’re so good!”
“Eep! Eep!” Berry Punch eepd. “Can’t… please your majesty… have mercy!” Her Twatlantic Ocean had taken a severe beating from Cadance’s massive futa penis. “You’re… you’re gonna give me a yeast infection. I can smell the smegmatic decay from up here.”
“Yeah, well, fuck just a yeast infection. You’re getting the whole loaf of—” Cadance saddle bag began buzzing. She levitated out her cellular phone and saw that Rarity was trying to contact her. “Hold that thought, Berry. I have to take this call.”
Cadance pulled out of her unabashed rape victim, dragging her scrotum totem across the Ponyville back alley floors with her. “Good afternoon, Rarity! I’m so happy to hear from you!”
“Oh, it’s a pleasure to hear from you as well, darling!” Rarity squealed through the phone. “I’m ever so relieved you picked up the phone.”
Cadance cocked her head to the side. “Oh? Is something wrong?”
“Why it’s simply dreadful!” A wet fart noise sputtered from her end of the line. “We’re running a new promotion at the sandwich shoppe and we’ve run out of a needed ingredient!”
“Oh my goodness!” Cadance gasped, holding a hoof up to her mouth. “That’s terrible! What can I do to help?”
Rarity continued. “Well, it just so happens to be a cheesecake dessert promotion and we’ve run out of cheese. I figured that since you were in town on royal business…”
“Say no more, I’d be happy to help!” Cadance smiled brightly even though Rarity couldn’t see it. She’s just following policy, after all. “I’ll be there in no time at all. Don’t you worry!’
A louder fart followed by a splash emitted from Rarity’s end. “Oh, thank you my dear! You have no idea how much this means to us. We’ll see you soon.”
Cadance hung up the phone and put it back in her bag. She turned around to find Berry Punch but all she saw was a trail of blood drops and diarrhea leading down the alleyway and out of sight.
Cadance sighed. Futa rape would have to wait.
She looked down at her bacon bazooka and smiled. “C’mon girl. We’ve got a job to do.”
The doors slammed open to Spike’s Ice Cream & Sandwich Shoppe, and Cadance clip-clopped in, her flaccid, unsheathed beef bullet dragging along the floor and leaving a trail of likely chlamydia-ridden blood. One of her many gifts to the ponies of Equestria.
“Rarity!” Cadance shouted, trying to grab the ex-seamstress’s attention.
Rarity trotted out from the back, a large Tupperware™ bowl in hoof. “Ah, you’re just in time. We open in fifteen minutes, and there’s not a drop of cheese in sight!”
“Well there’s a bit of a problem, Rarity.”
“Yes, dearie?” Rarity inquired like an inquisitor of sorts. But not the kind from Star Wars: The Old Republic. More like a stupid pony.
“Well…” Cadance blushed, chuckling nervously. “You kinda got me in the middle of a rape.”
“Oh! I’m so sorry for interrupting such important affairs.” Rarity joined her friend in blushing. “So… you’re trying to say that you’re…?”
“Blue-balled,” Cadance nodded. “I’m so close to erupting. Think Mexican immigrants slamming against the wall, but they’re ‘not drug dealers’.”
“What in the hay is a ‘Hurricane Katrina’?”
“Nevermind that,” Cadance went on. “I need a pony to rape. And they need to be tight. It’s just a shame that third-trimester abortions aren’t legal, because I’d just love to get inside one of those ameluses. My fundamental right to violate another’s unwanted child is at stake here.”
“Hm…” Rarity peered towards the front doors, where hundreds of ponies were waiting for their first taste of the new promotion. Well, hundreds of ponies and one hippogriff. “How does she look? She should be tight enough, yes?”
Cadance gave the hippogriff a good once over, and nodded. “Ah, yes. Hippogriffs are widely known for having a cloaca, rather than the usual vagina. It’s bound to be needlessly tight.”
“Well then… what say we invite our little friend Silverstream in for a… preview, of our new concoction?”
Cadance shook her head up and down like a newborn baby, minus the shaken baby syndrome.
Rarity smiled. “Say no more. Give me but a moment!”
She pranced over to the door where the growing mob of ponies were waiting. Silverstream was first in line, however, making Rarity’s task much easier. She undid the lock the double doors and slid them partially open.
“Oh, Silverstream! So good to see you!” Rarity beamed.
“Hiya Rarity!” Silverstream said, jumping up and down with glee. “I’m so so so excited to try this new dessert thingy. I absolutely LOVE cheesecake. And ice cream! AND ANYTHING CHOCOLATE!” She spun in a circle, tapping her hooves up and down.
“Well, I have some splendid news for you!” Rarity replied. “We actually need somepony to assist with the new cheesecake recipe! Seeing as how passionate you are about the subject, we’d love to have you on board to assist us!”
Silverstream’s jaw hit the floor followed by a fluttering of the wings like no other. “Oh my gosh! Does that mean I get to wear the official Spike’s Ice Cream & Sandwich Shoppe apron?!”
“Not quite,” Cadance grinned. “Now, Rarity!”
Rarity nodded, jumping at Silverstream and tackling her to the floor. The mere sight of the girls entangled with one another caused an obscene amount of blood to rush to the Princess of Love’s purple-headed rape warrior. With haste, Cadance immediately tried to go to pound town on the younger hippogriff.
All the while, Silverstream’s eyes had gone wide, and she cried out in pain as Cadance tried to force her eternal dragon into her cloaca. Tears welled up in her eyes as Cadance began to exert even more force, but then it happened.
“OW, FUCK!” Cadance shouted out. To her shock and awe, her fat cock hadn’t managed to pierce Silverstream’s cloaca. Silverstream’s cloaca had pierced her. “Well,” Cadance shrugged. “Nothing wrong with a little docking.”
Still, her dick had other places it needed to go. Cadance got a sick pleasure from watching Silverstream squirm in Rarity’s grasp, but something was… off.
“Rarity,” Cadance said, “don’t use your shoulders to hold her down. They’re hard and stiff. You need to use your hooves. Your hooves are soft… and they can, caress Silverstream.”
“That’s, uh… that’s kinda gay,” Rarity replied.
Cadance blushed, followed by what felt like a an eternity of silence. Finally, she broke the silence. “Did you know you’re all my very best friends?”
“What?”
“Nevermind that,” Cadance retorted. “Now, are you ready for the ultimate prize, Silverstream?” She asked.
She didn’t wait for an answer before pulling back her foreskin, revealing an assortment of goodies. Rotten, curdled smegma had formed into a goopy sort of dick cheese. Digging into the cheese were an assortment of maggots and fruit-flies, eager to feast upon Cadance’s god-staff. Silverstream even spied what looked to be an old toenail clipping lodged into the glans.
She grabbed a hoof full of the creamy substance and stretched it out like a fresh slice of cheese pizza. You know the kind. When nobody can decide on toppings, so they just get extra cheese? She pulled it outward toward Silverstream’s beak and smeared it across her facial feathers, leaving behind a greasy substance.
“Smell it, Silverstream. Smell the fresh, fishy corn chip smell.”
Silverstream stuck her tongue out to lick the oily chunklets on her face. Her stomach turned.
“That’s right, Silverstream.” Cadance put her dick back toward her target. “You better be prepared for this.”
She tried her hardest to resist, but it was no use. The next time Cadance slammed forward, she finally managed to smash through the barrier obstructing her path, quite literally. Chunks of flesh were forced to the floor by her heat-seeking moisture missile’s entry, and every thrust excreted splashes of blood to the floor below.
To the average bystander, this was a horrific scene.
To Cadance, it was a disappointment. She’d yet to reach her weekly rape quota, and that needed to change quickly. Still, her bloodlust hadn’t been satisfied, and she was intent on putting an end to that as well.
Rarity watched as, with a sickening squelching sound, Cadance’s right forehoof pierced directly through Silverstream’s side, giving her easy access to the hippogriff’s organs. The former-fashionista watched with a grotesque amount of pleasure as Cadance’s hoof dug around her insides, causing the young student to scream out in pain, all the while Cadance was still pounding away at her Arby’s™ roast beef and cheddar.
“Ah, there it is!” Cadance exclaimed cheerily. “Her bladder will make a fine feast!”
With that settled, the princess wrenched said bladder free of its home. Fresh urine oozed from it, staining the otherwise pristine floors of the shoppe. “Mm, someone is a tad dehydrated,” Rarity commented. “Look how yellow it is!”
“And frothy,” Cadance added, holding the bladder over her gaping maw. With a slight squeeze, a stream of the delectable liquid poured forth, washing over her tongue and down her throat. “I don’t care what other ponies say, I like Busch Light.”
Silverstream’s eyes turned to pinpricks, but she couldn’t get any words out through her choked sobs, left to simply observe as Cadance dropped what was once her bladder directly into her mouth and chewed on her meal heartily.
“Mmph,” Cadance spoke through her chewing, “The piss really gives it a kick. Good thing I’m into watersports.” Cadance’s eyes went open as she looked at the hippogriff going into shock. “Oh, I apologize. Did you want some?”
“Is Shining also into watersports?” Rarity inquired as Cadance went back to her sickening thrusting.
“Uh, who’s that?” Cadance asked as her dick became the drill that would pierce Silverstream.
“Your husband?” Rarity replied confusedly. “The Prince of the Crystal Empire?”
“Oh,” Cadance rolled her eyes. “That loser? Yeah, I dismembered him and fed him to Flurry Heart a while ago.”
“I see. It’s great of you to look out for your daughter like that!”
“Shut up and let me focus, whore,” Cadance said, giving one last, incredible thrust. By the point, her erection had grown so huge that the tip of it was poking out from Silverstream’s mouth. Months worth of dried up smegma were revealed as her foreskin got caught on her victim’s beak, leaving a clean cut that blood quickly began to leak from.
No matter, this would do.
With a mighty howl, an explosion of jizz spewed forth from her cock, mixing with the pent up dick cheese left to do naught but curdle. The smell was absolutely rancid, and even Cadance found herself curling up her nose at it.
Luckily for the three, the succulent mixture of blood, cum, and smegma shot directly into the Tupperware™ container Rarity was holding. The liquid sloshed around as more and more was added to the pool, causing a few droplets to fall to the ground in front of Silverstream. Not since Sandy Hook had this many children been laid to waste.
Driven by her desire to try the new treat, she managed to wriggle her tongue past Cadance’s dick, and lick up what she could from the floor. Thank god for the five-second rule.
Bliss was all she knew as her eyes closed for the last time, happy to have finally gotten a taste of heaven itself.
“So, what do you think?” Cadance asked. The many ponies circled around watched with eager eyes.
Iron Will took a hefty bite of the ice cream presented to him. “Mmm, delicious! I gotta hand it to you, Princess, you really came through in the clutch and saved the day!”
His declaration was followed by a chorus of cheers, and Rarity smiled widely. Spike’s Ice Cream & Sandwich Shoppe would live to see another day.
The End.
