What's Wrong With My Voice? (Everything)
I'm a serious villain, I promise!
They ran towards their daughter’s room in a frenzied panic. The drumming of their heartbeats was strong enough to hurt their heads, but it was nothing compared to the fear in their hearts. It was impossible to ignore the devastating screams of their subjects being enslaved by dark technology, and it was almost expected that they would soon feel that kind of manipulation, neither of the royal couple truly believed they would get out of this unscathed.
But they would die before they allowed their little filly to be harmed by that tyrannical monster.
Shining Armor and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza felt themselves collide against the wood of Flurry Hearts door, breaking themselves into her room, bracing for a fight, and their hearts sank in horror.
There he was.
A disgusting aura of green and purple surrounded their daughter, she hung in the air from her tail, her little legs waving frantically in the air as she tried to find ground that wasn’t there. “Mama!” She cried out as she hopelessly tried to reach out for her mother’s safe embrace. She didn’t look like she was in pain, at least, but that did nothing to quell the rage in the royal couples’ hearts; for the magic that left their baby girl dangling fearfully in the air belonged to the grinning ebony unicorn that stood grinning beside her cot. His fangs flashed in a sick mocking grin as he watched the child wail helplessly, then his blood red gaze met the parents and his sneer broadened.
Cadance audibly gasped in terror at the sight of her daughter’s peril, then the terror bubbled into cold fury as she felt a surge of magic pulse in her horn, malicious intent aimed at the tyrannical scum that dared to even touch her baby. Shining Armor instantly held his wife back with a hoof, it was too much of a risk to their daughter, but the glare he gave the dark unicorn augmented how he shared the same savage thoughts as his wife, who breathed heavily behind clenched teeth.
“You won’t get away with this!” Cadance hissed, trying to muster enough self control that would keep her from sending a fiery torpedo at the tyrants hate filled smirk.
King Sombra chuckled darkly, slowly walking towards the furious couple, “Oh,” his horn flared and Flurry Heart shifted throughout the air, making her squeal in fright, until she was resting in the foreleg of the tyrant, who held her with a mocking gentleness. The couple tensed and they felt the hate boil in their stomachs; to touch their daughter with his vile magic was criminal enough, but to place his hooves on her? It was almost equivalent to a fool prodding a hibernating bear with a stick. Sombra’s eyes narrowed as he stared down the couple, his smirk never fading, “But I already have!” Then with a final flash of his fangs at the parents, he turned his gaze to meet the baby that lay helpless in his hooves, gleefully anticipating the pure fear that would be sure to grace her face.
Sombra’s sick grin, however, diminished like he had been slapped in the face.
Flurry Heart was staring at him, all right, but the expression in her face wasn’t one of fear, not even worry even, her little head was cocked to the side as she looked up at the unicorn with a small frown, the one a pony gets when they’re desperately trying to figure something out that just doesn’t seem to make sense. Sombra frowned, “Well?!” He demanded, his fangs gleaming as he tried to spark a twitch of terror from the baby.
At the sound of his voice, the baby glanced down in thought, then back at Sombra, then her little lips pouted as she appeared to think something over, her wing stroking her chin slowly. Sombra’s jaw dropped slightly, this was not the reaction he expected at all, and he looked to the child’s parents who stared at the scene with wide eyes and open mouths, both shrugging simultaneously as Sombra looked to them in confusion. The sight of him to them was literally a living nightmare, so why their infant daughter didn’t seem even a little perturbed they didn’t know. The tyrant craned his head back at the baby who now looked almost sceptical as one little eyebrow was raised as she looked over her captor slowly.
“What in the devils are you staring at?!” Sombra exclaimed, his pitch raising in annoyance.
Flurry Heart stared at Sombra dubiously for a moment longer, then her small mouth began to raise at the corners until she was unmistakably smiling, and Sombra could only watch in horror as a small childish giggle escaped the small alicorn. She pointed a small hoof at him, and through her laughter uttered a singular word.
“Funny!”
Sombra began to cough and splutter, his pupils shrinking in a mixture of rage and disbelief. "F-F-Funny?!" He yelled, voice almost cracking at the word. “What could possibly be funny, you little brat?!” His rage only seemed to spur the filly on, as her laughter began to rise, pointing at him as she laughed loudly in his hooves.
Her parent’s jaws literally hit the floor! Their baby, a filly, was laughing straight in the face of the villain who was on the verge of conquering The Crystal Empire?! As they watched the giggling filly hold her small belly while she struggled for breath through her laughter, the royal couple held their chests in a mixture of amazement, dread, and a touch of pride! Sombra’s eye began to twitch, a vein began to throb on his forehead, and he pulled the filly towards his face, snarling viciously.
“Wretched little urchin! Do you know who I am?” The tyrant spat, his glare gleaming a sharp green. “What I am? I am the master of darkness! The lord of despair! The king of nightmares!” His voice grew higher and bolder with every title. “I am the most powerful, most deadly, creature to ever touch the face of-”
The king of nightmares was cut off as the filly burst out with another high fit of laughter, her little hooves flailing gleefully over his forearm as she began laughing too hard to keep herself steady. “Funny!” Flurry howled, “Funny! Funny!” She repeated through her hysteria, the word a mantra of delight as she continued to chortle in the tyrant’s grasp.
Sombra’s jaw matched the filly’s parents as it fell dramatically. He looked back at them in rage, and almost desperation. “What is the meaning of this?!” He exclaimed, baring his fangs at the wide-eyed pair. “Is this some sort of joke? How can your spawn dare to treat me with such disrespect?”
Cadance rubbed her eyes, just to check she wasn’t dreaming. “I actually have no idea.” She’d seen Flurry be terrified of a toy bear before, and here she was laughing at the lord of shadows? It was almost entertaining. “I don’t think I need to say that neither of us taught her that.” She said, looking to Shining in disbelief.
“I sure didn’t.” Shining’s brow arched in wonder, “How she can even glance at his ugly mug and not cringe is a mystery to me! Seriously, I can barely look at him without feeling like I need to vomit.” He said, covering his mouth with a sudden retch.
Cadance looked back at the glaring Sombra and also began to gag, “Ugh, me too!” She heaved, placing a hoof over her bulging cheeks.
Sombra growled, taking a mental note to add an acid bath to the long list of torture methods he had in store for the pair. “Then why is she laughing?”
Shining gulped, rubbing his stomach to settle it, and shrugged. “She finds something funny, I guess.” Even Cadance had the sense to cover her eyes with a hoof at her husband’s remark. By this point their anger had greatly diminished after seeing that their daughter wasn’t scared one bit of the villain.
“I got that much you fool!” Sombra hissed, rolling his eyes. “But what is it she finds funny?” He cringed as he heard the filly’s laughter echo in the room.
The royal couple stared at Sombra for a few moments, then their hooves began stroking their chins in deep thought, mirroring their daughter just a few minutes ago. “Hmm, what could it be?” Shining mused, studying the tyrant like he was an art exhibit. “Your…eyes maybe?”
“His eyes?” Cadance said incredulously.
“Well they are red.”
Cadance’s gaze drifted up for a moment, returning to Shining Armor with a puzzled squint. “So?”
“Red is almost close to pink.” Shining explained.
Cadance frowned, her eyes narrowing as she gave her husband a warning glare. “What’s so funny about pink?” She hissed; her horn ready to make Shining blind if he actually wasn’t already.
Shining Armor seemed to pick up on what his wife was saying and quickly waved his hoof in defence, “Oh no no no no no, dearest, t-that’s not what I meant at all! I-I wasn’t saying anything was wrong with pink,” He stammered, “Everyone likes pink! Pink looks good on anyone, even y- Especially you!”
“Get to the point.” Cadance whispered dangerously.
“Well… uh, just look at his armor,” Shining said, pointing towards the tyrant, “I mean pink and silver together,” He said with a disgusted pout, “I don’t think so.”
Cadance held her stare for a moment before settling back with a murmur of agreement, “That is true, they wouldn’t go together.” Cadance sighed, “But his eyes are red, not pink, and that actually looks pretty terrifying with silver to be honest,” Shining could only give a relieved exhale, thankful he wasn’t on the dangerous end of his wives temper, “Although it could still have to do with his clothes. I mean they do look like the attire of an Ogres and Oubliettes cosplayer.” She said with a judgemental glance on Sombra’s armor.
'I didn't understand a word of that,'Sombra thought, 'Yet I have the strange feeling I've just been insulted.'
Shining seemed insulted as well, as he pulled a hoof to his chest in apparent hurt. “What’s wrong with Ogres and Oubliettes?”
Cadance gave him a passive look, “Nothing. It’s the grown stallion dressing up like a fairy that’s the problem.”
“It’s not a fairy!” Shining said with a blush, “I’ve told you a thousand times, it’s the noble high elf, Hedwig Learke.”
“It’s the reason I cut off your allowance is what it is.”
Shining looked away with a pout, “In any case, a baby doesn’t have a sense of fashion!”
Cadance paused, slowly turned to meet her husband’s gaze, and arched a brow, “Have you dressed your daughter recently?”
Shining blinked, then began rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Well, no.”
“Then trust me here. She does.”
Sombra’s eye started twitching again, his mind starting to ache from their mentally incomprehensible babble “What does any of this have to do with-”
“Maybe it’s his fur.” Shining blurted out, ignoring Sombra’s words while looking him over again. “Has Flurry ever seen a black furred pony before?” The captain turned back to his wife to debate this, but her icy gaze made his blood run cold. Cadance held a hard stare on her husband, her jaw slack as the appalled ire burned into Shining’s skin.
“You…did not…just say that!” Cadance seethed; Shining began to cower, a small whimper. “Oh my Celestia. Shining, you cannot say that! Are you calling our daughter prejudiced against a pony’s fur?!” Her voice got more furious with every syllable, her volume increasing to the point where it almost matched Luna’s royal tone. Even Flurry had paused her laughter at the sound of her mother’s anger, and Sombra was staring at the scene with an expression that perfectly captured the phrase: ‘What the buck is going on?’
Shining shrank under the fury of his wife, his teeth chattering in fear for his life. “I-I was only suggesting-”
“No! You do not suggest that! Flurry wouldn’t do that. You do not even think that! We do not treat anypony like that based on their fur colour!” Cadance yelled, her glare powerful enough to split Tartarus itself. “Apologise to him!” She ordered, pointing to Sombra.
“W-What?”
“Apologise. To. Him.” She growled through grit teeth, her hoof pointing more violently with every word.
“B-B-But it’s Sombra?”
Suddenly a force of magic pulled Shining’s face to meet his wife, their noses touching but without any kind of tenderness. Cadance’s pupils were balls of fire, and Shining could almost swear he saw the forked tongue of a demon behind his wife’s screams. “I don’t care who it is! Pony, dragon, or even diamond dog, we do not judge anyone based on their colour. Now, apologise to him!”
The Captain of the Royal Guard, now on the verge of weeping like a newborn foal, gulped and swiftly turned to Sombra, still too terrified of his wife to open his eyes. “I’m sorry, Sombra.” He squeaked, covering his eyes with his hooves, hoping that if he became submissive enough the terrifying mare would leave him alone.
Cadance huffed, and released her husband, still glaring at him as he curled his head into his body on the floor. “Good!” She snapped, before turning to Sombra with an irritable look. “I apologise for that Sombra, even though you’re a vile, tyrannical monster, not even you deserve such blatant bigotry!” She said, taking a final venomous stare at her cowering husband, who responded with a whimpering cry for mommy.
If Sombra wasn’t certain he was talking to complete idiots, he would have thought that the previous minute had been their terrible attempt at a joke. He balked for a moment, before shaking his head and stamping a strong hoof on the crystal floor.
“I don’t want your apology!” He yelled; his tone angrier than ever. “Stop wasting my time!” Once again, a high-pitched laughter filled the room, and the vein on Sombra’s forehead now pulsed like a cocoon ready to burst. With his free hoof, he tugged at his sideburn as he screamed at the hysterical filly. “Stop that already, you pest!”
“Hang on,” Cadance cut in, now staring at Flurry with a look of thought, her hoof swaying from side to side as if she was piecing something together. “Sombra, say something.”
Sombra rose a brow, “What?”
At that, Flurry’s laughter rose up again, now high and powerful enough to cause the crystal windows to crack at the edges. Cadance drew back and nodded, “There it is!” She said, with a satisfied smirk.
“Huh?” Sombra squinted at her.
“It’s your voice.” Cadance said, pointing from Flurry to Sombra. “She’s laughing at your voice.”
Sombra’s eyes burned in fury, “My voice? What’s wrong with my voice?” Soon enough, Sombra’s cheeks also began to burn in embarrassment as the filly laughed out a new word.
“Voice! Voice! Funny voice!”
Sombra let out a primal growl, now tugging dangerously hard at his sideburn, the pain to his skin being nowhere near as hard as the pain his pride was taking. He stared down at the filly in malice, “Listen here, you stupid foal! There is nothing funny about how I talk, whatsoever!”
The filly seemed to disagree as it only took another word from his mouth to send her into a laughing fit. Cadance couldn’t help but smirk as she watched one of Equestria’s oldest and most evil foes get, for lack of better word, owned by a pony that wasn’t even toilet trained.
Shining dared to look out of his hooves and give the demon a confused glance, “Wait a second… you sound completely different from last time!”
Sombra sighed bitterly, icily staring the stallion down, “What are you talking about?”
“Last time you were here, you hardly talked at all!” Shining said, pointing at the unicorn almost accusingly, “Aside from a few mutters of ‘slaves’ and ‘crystals’, all you did was just float around evilly.”
Sombra looked embarrassed for a moment, before huffing and looking to the side, “So? I still managed to scare you and those traitorous subjects of yours, didn’t I?” He leered, smugly pointing his nose up at the memory. “I didn’t need to speak to make your hearts writhe in terror, that’s how powerful and feared I am!”
Cadance narrowed her eyes at him, “So why did you sound so different then?” She arched a brow when she saw Sombra flinch and look to the side momentarily; when his confident face returned, it looked considerably more fake. “Because back then you sounded like you were gargling nails.”
It was true. The first time the couple had encountered Sombra he sounded like a demonic lion, his words sounding more like growls made by some kind of lion on steroids.
“Yeah!” Shining chimed in, “And now you sound like…” He blew air through clenched teeth as he gave it a brief thought; to be completely honest, it was actually kind of hard to judge what the guy really sounded like, “Well, I’m not really sure right now, but it just doesn’t fit, whatever it is!”
“What?!” Sombra shouted, “Insolent peasant! Who are you to judge whether my voice fits or not?”
Shining shrugged, “Hey, it’s not my fault you sounded more like, well…” Shining kicked at the floor sheepishly as he looked away awkwardly.
Sombra’s eyes narrowed and the tip of his horn began to fizz with dark magic. “Like what?”
The Captain chuckled weakly and tried to give Sombra his best attempt at a smile. “Um, well, a villain, may- Woah!!” He was just able to duck in time before a fiery beam scorched his flesh to bone.
“You want to say that again?!” Sombra offered, steam blowing out of his nostrils.
“N-Nah,” Shining said, brushing down an unlucky strand of mane that was now smoking slightly, “I’m good.”
“He has a point though, as strange as that sounds.” Cadance muttered gently, “Even though you had the vocabulary range of a toddler, you did actually come across as, you know, scary last time.”
“Toddler?!”
Cadance held up her hooves in defence, “I’m just saying, you came across more when you were saying less! I’d take that as a compliment if I was a villain.” For some unknown reason, Cadance was trying to put it gently to him. Perhaps she felt sorry for the Tyrant who was now being laughed at by the prisoner in his own hooves…who was a baby. It was all kinda depressing. Also, she didn’t want to die; and by the way Shining kept talking that was looking more and more possible. “Think about it, like you said, it just proves that your image was good enough that you didn’t need your voice.”
Sombra didn’t seem to appreciate the compliment however, as when he spoke you could hear his fangs grinding against one another, “So you’re saying,” He drawled with a tone like poison, “That my voice is… ruining my image as a villain.”
Cadance gulped and began to rub her hooves together, a strained smile on her lips. “W-Well, I mean, when you put it like that-”
“Yep,” Shining said, smiling innocently, and speaking too quickly for Cadance to cover his mouth with duct tape. “Pretty much.”
Sombra’s eyes exploded in a fiery blaze and he reared up before slamming his hoof into the floor, causing the crystal to splinter and crack. “I am still the master of fear!” Sombra exclaimed, a wall of shadows erupted behind him, cloaking the walls with an ebony mist. “My powers know no other, I am a living nightmare, I alone enslaved the Crystal Empire!”
“All while sounding like Prince Blueblood’s emo phase.” Shining added with a raise of his hoof, still under the belief that the truth was what ponies wanted to hear. Even though Cadance’s heart dropped with dread, she couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at that remark.
Even though that remark was practically a death sentence.
Sombra’s breath caught, his nostrils flared, his temper peaked, and the vein burst in a pulse of ferocity. The tyrant let out a monstrous roar that rumbled throughout the entire castle, the room shook like it had been hit by an earthquake, and if one had been below the surface they may have seen the magma that was spat up from the Earth’s core before thankfully returning to the pits of Tartarus.
The royal family all fell silent and a familiar terror came back to their expressions, even Flurry found herself trying to sink into the Tyrant’s forearm to hide herself. His form seemed to grow as the shadows shrouded the wall behind him, a demonic aura surrounding his form in a devilish veil. His fangs gleamed like the moon in the night sky, and a swirling jet of raven tendrils sprang like the legs of a black widow, edging closer and closer to the royal couple.
Sombra grinned in vile delight, “NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU FOOLS?!” His voice was at the loudest it could be, even his breaths were causing the crystal floor to crack. The villain loomed over the cowering ponies like a dark mountain, the shadows enveloping them like the ashes of a volcano. The couple held each other close, preparing themselves for the inevitable pain. “YOU WILL ALL SUFFER FOR YOUR DISCOURTESY! I WILL LITERALLY RAKE YOU THROUGH THE BOILING COALS OF TARTARUS! YOU WILL DIE SLOW AGONISING DEATHS, AND I WILL FORCE YOUR SOULS BACK INTO YOUR BROKEN BODIES SO I CAN KILL YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN AND-*hack*cough*”. The Tyrant’s rant was cut short as he realised the setbacks of screaming at the top of your lungs without taking a breath of air. He held his stomach as he bent over and coughed heavily.
“Ugh…*cough* Darn this…*wheeze* blasted cough! *wheeze*” When he spoke his voice was low and gravelly, and… oddly familiar to the royal couple. Daring to look up, Cadance wiped her mane out of her widened eyes and pointed at the tyrant vindictively.
“There, there! That’s it!” She exclaimed, poking Shining Armor so he could unlatch himself from his knees.
“What is it-” Sombra coughed again, and took a gulp of air, calming himself before returning to scowl at the couple. “What is it now?”
“That was your old voice, just then!”
“It wasn’t my old voice in the slightest! This has always been my voice!” He said, back to his whiny, considerably less threatening tone.
After a considerable amount of prodding by his wife, Shining Armor also found the courage to look at Sombra and gave him a baffled expression. “So why did you sound like that, last time?” His eyes shrank, and once again his jaw dropped, as a new thought came to him. “Wait, does this mean you sounded like that last time, because you were-”
“I had been trapped underground the frozen wasteland for a thousand years!” Sombra blurted out, he had finally grown tired of their questions and now wasn’t even bothered enough to lie, “Wouldn’t your throat be a little hoarse?!” He snapped, making sure his eyes burst up again in an attempt to look threatening.
However, not even a muffin barren Derpy could have made that sentence the least bit alarming.
Shining and Cadance both paused, blinked, looked to each other for a moment, before looking back to the Tyrant with perplexed frowns.
“So…it’s true then…” Shining said, saying each word slowly as he tried to process what Sombra had just said. “The reason you sounded different then…”
“Was because you had… a sore throat?” Cadance finished, all fear and hatred now scarce and replaced by pure confusion and disbelief.
Everyone was silent for a moment, even Flurry had sensed a new atmosphere in the room and was looking to Sombra to see how he could possibly respond. A low rumble emerged from Sombra and he opened his mouth to scream at them, then he halted, looking up to no one in particular as he thought the situation over. “I… uh… well…” A droplet of sweat trailed from Sombra’s brow and he bit his lip; this wasn’t happening, he was the most powerful unicorn in Equestria (allegedly), the king of all monsters (self-titled), there had to be something he could say that would get the ponies fearing him, or just hating him, again.
Perhaps there was, but whatever it was, it wasn’t what he went with.
“Kneel before Sombra!” His voice broke as he said it.
The room exploded into a chorus of guffaws and delighted shrieks. Shining and Cadance held each other for support as their laughter began to match that of their daughter, they rolled on the floor, clutching their bellies as humoured tears pricked the corners of their eyes.
“Heh-Heh-You ever heard of a cough sweet-Ha-Ha-Ha!” Cadance choked out, her hooves slamming against the ground in an effort to control herself. “We’ve got some if you want one!”
Shining Armor wheezed for breath as he wiped his eyes, “Or how about a glass of milk! That always helped me!” They both began shrieking in hysteria, now completely oblivious to the Unicorn holding their daughter; though, from the way she was laughing they didn’t have a lot to worry about.
Spluttering uncontrollably, Sombra mustered enough grit to bring his voice to a growl, “Silence you fools! Do you forget who is currently in control of this Empire?!”
“Oh my Celestia!” Cadance collapsed onto the floor, her stomach now hurting from her laughing, “Please just keep talking, this is too much!”
Sombra was about to retort, then he thought better of it and resorted to silently fuming as he watched the two convulse like he was a court jester. After a groan to the Heavens, his head sank and his gaze found the blank, hollow glow of an enslaved guard by the room door.
“You!” He barked, “Muzzle these two immediately! I grow tired of hearing their voices!”
The masked guard immediately set out on the order, but not before a chime in from the sniggering Captain. “And we’re not tired of yours!” Shining Armor piped, allowing his enslaved friends to lead him and his wife away as they both continued to revel in the unintentional hilarity of their captor’s voice.
Sombra snarled, then looked back down at the sniggering whelp in his arms, still pointing her small hoof at him. “The baby too!” The Unicorn ordered, giving the small Alicorn to another enslaved guard to muzzle, “And beware her mouth, she’s a feisty little pest!” After the giggling of the baby faded from the hallway, Sombra rubbed his aching forehead with a stifled grunt.
“Okay, calm down, Sombra. They’re gone. Go to your evil place.” Sombra took a deep exhale of air and thought of the tiniest fillies being flayed alive; once calm, he let out a relieved exhale. He was at peace. There was no time to worry about the foolishness of prisoners, he still had to confront those wretched Elements of Harmony. And though they were technically a threat, a strange smile came to Sombra’s face at the thought of them bursting in, ready to kill him.
“They’ll be more serious than those royal headaches, at least!” Sombra proclaimed to himself, his nose rising in self-confidence. “I can just see their blood lust now! Oh, they’ll be good sport before I rip them apart! They’ll understand the might of the mighty King Sombra!” He erupted into an evil cackle as his shadows enwrapped the entire castle, and he let himself smirk as he prepared for the final battle.
…
“HAHAHAHA He sounds like a hipster grunge vocalist!”
“Actually Dashie-heh heh-it’s more like Rarity if she’d dipped herself in mascara and drank a gallon of crystal pepsi!”
“Hey! At least my tone matches with my look! Which is more than you can say about him! That whiny manner of speech does not fit with that dreadfully bleak get up whatsoever!”
“Ah’d say it’s more like a male Luna with a belly full of mah family cider! Ha ha, hey Twi? What are ya doing?”
“I’m trying to list all the variables that can possibly allude to how nature could possibly be so wrong as to fit that voice with that physique! I mean, come on, how does that make any sense? It doesn’t match in any shape or form! Ugh, Fluttershy do you have any ideas?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry, I was trying to think where I’ve heard his voice before. It just gives me a sense of
déjà vu, for some reason?”
Sombra had resided now to burying his face in his hooves as he sank into the crystal throne, a low groan escaping his lips as he listened to the continuous mocking that had been going on for at least ten minutes now. At first, Sombra had planned to fake his defeat so they could lead him to the Tree of Harmony and he could destroy it and reign supreme and all that villainous crap. But now, he was just thinking it might be best to just cut his losses, grab the crystal heart for a quick snack, head back to the shadows and just lay low for a while. These ponies were way too mean for him to put up with as slaves!
He just wanted out of this madhouse, and it wouldn’t be too hard considering the ponies were all to busy laughing at, or debating about, him to even notice. Regardless of what he did, he knew he had to do one thing.
'I wonder what's the least painful way to remove a tongue...'
It was for the best.
Author's Note
Seriously, I can't be the only one who hated Sombra's new voice right?
This was my coping mechanism.
Edit: Apparently some people lack the basic common sense to understand that I didn't actually write a whole story as a way of coping with a change I disagreed with. No, I didn't write this cause I was so butthurt over a bloody TV show actor. I made fun of it for a little thing called "comedy", and if some people actually take my "coping mechanism" comment seriously, please go look up what sarcasm is, you'll learn something new.
