Ponies with Horns

by Justice3442

Rating: teen
Tags: Sunburst, Violence, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Random
Length: 7456

Starlight and Sunburst are roommates. Shenanigans ensue. Shenanigans with a body count.

Starlight and Sunburst are roommates. Shenanigans ensue. Shenanigans with a body count.

Thanks to Tired Old Man, Nova Quill/Firimil, and
Steel Resolve for there edits and suggestions. Especially Nova who may have accidently prompted me when she compared a certain purple unicorn to a certain hat wearing Llama.

Finally, thanks to BobTheDalek for his great work on this piece and just in general.

Published 2019-05-19 16:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-30 18:31:41 UTC

Least favorite thing to do.

“Staaaaarrrrlllllight!” Sunburst whined at the pony standing across from him. “There's a portal to a world untouched by sun and light in our living room!” The portal between the two ponies swirled, pulsated, and slowly consumed the ambient light around it.

Starlight took a glance at the portal, and put on a look of surprise. “Oh, hey! How did that get there?”

“What did you do, Starlight?”

“Me? I’ve never seen that portal in my life!”

“Why did you open this portal to another dimension, Starlight?!”

“I do not rip tears in this mundane reality! That is my LEAST favorite thing to do.”

The conversation was suddenly interrupted by a shrill voice belonging to the resident party pony of Ponyville, “Boooo! BOOOOO! Get your own material!”

Starlight turned towards the open window and began to yell, “Pinkie! I SWEAR TO THE UNHOLY DARKNESS THAT I JUST CREATED, I WILL FEED YOU TO IT PERSONALLY IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP!”

“Ah HAH! You did create the portal!” Sunburst declared.

Starlight grunted in displeasure. “The living room was DIRTY! What was I supposed to do?!”

“Clean it like a normal pony! You know, with a broom and dustpan!”

“I tried that first.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask about that…”

“I had NOTHING to do with flooding in Twilight’s basement.”

“I wasn’t—”

“Nor do I know anything about the cake twins who tragically drowned in said basement flood.”

“Wait, what?”

“But, hey! I buried them in that place that brings pets back to life, Just like Rarity did with Opal! And both twins came back good as new! Better even!”

“Starlight that’s horrible!”

“I know, right? You’d think their parents would keep better track of their children!”

Pinkie’s voice chimed in once more. “AM I A JOKE TO YOU?!”

“YES!” STARLIGHT SCREAMED.

“... Well played, Starlight Glimmer,” came Pinkie’s response. “Well played...”

Starlight huffed out a sigh then turned towards Sunburst as it sounded like Pinkie cantered away. “Okay, what were we talking about again?”

“You just admitted to murdering children!” Sunburst answered.

“Right… right... “ Starlight cleared her throat. “If you think that’s bad, you should have seen what the Cake Twins did to their mom and dad when they got back from the dead! Hint: Sugar Cube corner might start selling blood sausage!”

“Staaaaarrrrrrlllllliiiiiight!”

“Hey, this is NOT on me! Just because it’s a well documented fact that everything buried in that cemetery comes back twisted and blood thirsty doesn’t mean the Cakes are exempt from taking care of their own children!”

“You could have at least warned them!”

“Well, you’d think Mr. and Mrs. Cake would have done a better job of defending themselves against a couple toddlers! It’s probably going to take hours for the broom and dustpan I animated to sweep up all the blood.”

“I’m afraid to ask.” Sunburst mumbled as he took off his glasses to rub his muzzle tiredly. “No, REALLY! I can feel my heartbeat increasing just by the thought of me asking further questions.”

“You’re undoubtedly wondering why I had to animate the broom and dustpan when mopping up the blood makes so much more sense.”

“Actually, that was the furthest thing from my mind.”

“See, I had to use the mop to clean up the mess after I made in Twilight’s basement after I murdered the Cake twins!”

“…”

“…”

“Staaarrrrllliiiiiiiiiiight!”

“They were making a scene at the grocery store! Give me a break!” the heliotrope menace whined back indignantly.

“Starlight, you’re not supposed to murder children! You’re not supposed to murder ponies, at all!”

“Parents are supposed to keep their kids happy and calm, and yet, here we are!”

A series of panicked screams erupted as there was the sound of an explosion far in the distance, but not nearly far enough. In addition to the ponies that galloped for their lives, a sizeable army of flaming brooms and dustpans floated by in pursuit of the ponies at ‘you can run, but not forever’ speeds.

“… Staaaaaaaarrrrrrrllllliiiiiiight!”

“See?! They can’t even handle a little toddler tantrum!”

“This is a bit more serious than a tantrum, Starlight!”

“Okay, a toddler meltdown! The important takeaway here is that I picked up the slack for a couple of loafer parents and I’m getting nothing but grief instead of the kudos I deserve! So, what can I say except ‘you’re welcome’?”

The portal between the ponies made an otherworldly ‘whaaaAAAAaaooomp’ swirling darkness pulsated further into the world and the daylight inside the home dimmed further.

“Is that thing growing?” Sunburst asked.

“Yeah, they do that,” Starlight replied absently.

More screams sounded out from outside as the houses in the distance began to catch fire.

“Starlight, your self-replicating army of flaming cleaning supplies is setting the entire village on fire.”

“I’ve got everything covered! Or rather, everything on fire will soon be covered.”

“I’m worried that you decided to qualify that first sentence in such a vague manner.”

“By water!” Starlight added.

“Okay, but why did you choose to be so vague at first?”

“And also blood.”

“… Staaarrrliiiight!”

A torrent of reddish water suddenly washed past the window, dragging along burnt brooms, dustpans, and hapless ponies caught in the flow that gurgled by as they attempted to scream through the ash and blood-filled water that began to intrude on their lungs.

“See!” Starlight said as she glanced outside, her horn glowing electric blue as a large barrier formed around the house. “Now the flood will take care of the fire and we’ll have nothing to worry about!” she grinned as a black question mark on a green flank began to float by. This was followed by the owner of said cutie mark, an earth pony filly with a black mane and tail. A filly which fruitlessly attempted to catch the now bubbled house.

“What about the army of self-replicating brooms?” Sunburst asked as a collection of the burnt brooms, which had also grown twisted arms with claw like hands floated by and grabbed hold of the filly as it tried to scream through all the water and was dragged away.”

“What about the army of self-replicating brooms that really could have been caused by the army of self-replicating brooms that really could have been caused by any pony who had the best intentions of cleaning up a grisly murder scene so no pony else would have to do the work?” Starlight asked as a squirt of blood puffed out in front of the window before being taken away by the current.

“HOW Are you going to get rid of them?!”

“Don’t forget about the self-replicating mops with buckets!”

“I… OKAY! PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ALL THE ANIMATED, SELF-REPLICATING CLEANING SUPPLIES THAT ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING AMUCK IN THE VILLAGE THAT’S SIMULTANEOUSLY ON FIRE AND BEING FLOODED!”

‘WhaaaAAAAaaooomp’

“The portal!” Starlight said with a smile.

“Yes, the portal is still a thing! I’m attempting to deal with the things that are most likely going to wipe out of Ponyville in order of most to least dangerous.”

“Well, then your list is way off?”

“What?”

“Look! Once the amount of false life reaches a certain point, the portal, which hungers for all life, false or otherwise, will expand and consume everything in its path!”

“Won’t that consume all of Equestria with it?”

“That’s the best part!”

“I don’t like where this is going!”

“Because of just how many animated beings have sprung up, the portal will gorge itself too quickly and plug itself up! Not unlike a mysterious sinkhole that opened up in Saddle lake that was closed when enough wildlife, garbage, and ponies all got sucked in at once! Quip Quid Pro!”

“…”

“…”

“Staaaaaaaaarrrrrrlllllliiiiiiiiight!”

‘WhaaaAAAAAAAaaooomp!’

Starlight looked down at the portal nervously. “Look, we should really be teleporting a little continent away from here, now.”

“That’s not even remotely close to what ‘Quip Quid Pro´ means!”

“… Excuse me?”

“No! No excuses! The meanings of words and phrases is monumentally important!”

‘WhaaaAAAAAAAaaooomp!’

“Suuunbuurrst! Is this really important at the moment?”

“I don’t know, is not sounding like a complete, uneducated moron important to you, Starlight?”

Starlight let out a heavy sigh.

Sunburst followed suit.

‘WhaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOooooomp!’

“Okay,” Starlight began. “I think we both have either done or said things in the very recent past that we both regret.”

“… Fair.”

“Twilight told me in situations like this, the best thing to do is for the ponies involved to take some time for themselves, think about what they really want to say to the other pony, then try again in a bit.”

“Twilight said that? Okay, that sounds like a good plan.”

“Right, so, let’s just both clear our heads, and meet here by the burnt and soggy dead or dying pony pile in say, an hour?”

“Ugh, better make it two,” Sunburst said. “I’m pretty steamed.”

“... About all the wonton death and destruction?”

Sunburst couldn’t help but laugh. “Wonton destruction? Ponyville doesn’t even have a Chinieghs restaurant! Don’t tell me you messed that up because I used the word ‘steamed’!”

“What?”

“It’s wanton! WAN-ton! A wonton is type of dumpling, or do I have to spell that out for you, too?”

“...”

“...”

“Okay, two hours.”

“Better make it three,” Sunburst said. “That way you can go out for some wanton dumb-ple-ings and some Pee King soap!”

“GrrrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” Starlight’s horn glowed an electric blue and she disappeared in a flash accompanied by the sound of reality having one more little rip put into it.

The shimmering bubble around the home disappeared and water began to pour in through the open window immediately.

‘WhaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAOOoooooOOOOOooooomp!’

Sunburst looked at the portal in annoyance, took a deep breath, then let it out. “Guess I’ll just go for a nice, hour long ‘swim for my life!’ Thanks, Starlight!”

‘WhaaaAAAAAaAaAaAaoOoOoOoOmp!’ replied the portal as it began to take on water.

“Yeah, well who asked you?!” Sunburst snapped as the room filled completely and he began to awkwardly swim out of the house through the open window.

‘WhaaaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAaAAoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOoOOomp!’

I will not apologize for art

“Starlight!” Sunburst wined as he stood across from his roommate. As was often the case, the reason for this cry was in between the two ponies. In this case, a green earth pony filly with a black mane and tail and question mark cutie mark. Which wouldn’t be room for concern, except the filly was slumped against the wall with her eyes bulging and now purple tongue lolled out. “We’ve been in this Manehattan apartment for less than a WEEK and already there’s a dead pony in the living room!”

“It’s appalling how high the murder rate is in this city!” Starlight replied. “I’ll have a talk with the mayor!”

“Starlight, that IS the mayor of Manehattan!”

“If only she had taken this persisting problem a little more serious earlier, this could have all been avoided!”

“Manehatten didn’t have a murder problem until we moved here.”

“I’m not sure I like what you’re insinuating.”

“I’m insinuating that you’ve had something to do with all the murders, Starlight.”

“Now I know I don’t like what you’re insinuating!”

“Starlight, just tell me straight, are you killing random ponies in this city?”

“Correlation does not equal consternation, Sunburst!”

Sunburst sighs. “Really?”

“I would think you as the educated one here, would know that!”

“Well, I certainly know one thing about this conversation!”

“Besides, all those ponies probably had it coming! Do you know how rude ponies can be in this city?!”

There was a long, long beat of silence as Sunburst tried, failed, and then tried again to find the bright side to this.

He failed.

“… Staaaaarrrrliiiight! We talked about this!”

“Your tone makes me think that you think you caught me in a lie, but if you reexamine everything you’ve said, I think you’ll find it’s you who's jumping to collusions.”

“Oh my Celestia! You did it again!”

“I believe we’ve already made it quite clear that the mayor would have been affixiated to death by any pony with enough magic control to force the air out of their lungs and create a ‘bubble vacuum’ around them because said mayor was running around accusing ponies of killing other ponies by affixiating them to death via a fine control of magic and bubble vacuums.”

“No, not that! You screwed up two phrases, too!”

“What? No way!”

“It’s not ‘Correlation does not equal consternation’! It’s ‘Correlation does not equal causation!’ You know, as in just because there is a related pattern to something doesn’t mean that the two have anything to do with each other!”

“Okay, so I messed up!”

“Consternation is what I’m feeling right now because you can’t seem to wrap your mind around simple, every day, phrases.”

“Sunburst…”

“And it’s not ‘Jumping to Collusions’, it’s jumping to conclusions! Just, how brain damaged does a pony have to be to have this collection of reasonably complex words in their head, but also dumb enough to just smash them into phrases like they’ve lost patience with a puzzle have just started forcing pieces together.”

“…”

“…”

“… You’re just lucky I can’t afford the rent here on my own or I’d affixiate you in a vacuum bubble like I did all those other ponies!”

“Oh my Celestia, Starlight! I can’t believe you!”

“… Did I say I affixiated those ponies in vacuum bubbles? What I meant to say is I’m investigating the vacuum bubble murders, and they just keep happening, leading me to believe that the murderer is framing me! Clue 1, the pony is someone very close to me! Possibly some pony in this very apartment!” Starlight declared as she eyed the corpse of the mayor suspiciously.

“It’s asphyxiated! Asphyxiate! As-phyx-i-ate! Maybe if you spent a little less time learning magic spells and just an iota of time learning how to spell at a grade-foal level, we wouldn’t have to have these conversations!”

Starlight’s eyes widened with fury as she grit her teeth hard. “I’m going to my room!” she said through clenched teeth as she did an about-face and walked out of the room.

“Well guess, what, ignoramus!” Sunburst pointed at the mayor’s corpse. “You’re still going to clean this up because being stupid doesn’t mean you can just walk away from cleaning up your own messes!”

We're supposed to be on vacation!

Wearing a death mask, a la Mother Talzin's wrinkly, bleached, face, Starlight Glimmer emerged from the black cortosis caldron. "Have you seen my flesh?!" she asked a cavalcade of colorful ponies, many covered in blood, viscera, you know... the sort of stuff that happens every second in the Star Wars universe that the censors can't show. (Whoa! The Censors aren’t sure this is appropriate for Discovery Family.)

Sunset Shimmer and Trixie Lulamoon didn't know what to do with all the "Ha"s as they dropped the ribs they were busy sorting. (They were having a cookout of course… probably vegetarian ribs)

Starburst, his cape a splotched, if gloriously radioactive color of Christmastime crimson and neon peppermint green (He was painting), squinted at Starlight and did his best to grimace away a grin, "Staaaaaaaaarlight," he crooned, "We're suppose to be on vacation!"

"Yeah," chimed in Flash Sentry, a rib still dripping with red (probably not->) blood meatily smashed to his forehead, "from being treated like barricades against the tide of insanity that is living in Canterlot and it's thatch'd roof, glorified hut suburb."

"What, what, WHAT?! " Exclaimed Twilight in disbelief, trying her damndest to aim each 'What?!' at a specific target.

"How dare you?!" responded Adagio Dazzle, her horn jutting out from a, normally, fluffy mane now dripping with (probably The Censors have been waylaid by Banditos. Send help!. not->) body fluids. “There are plenty of fine establishments in Ponyville, like Rarity’s Boutique… uh… Panic Station’s ecliptic collection of carpets and surprisingly complete assortment of lab equipment…” she squinted upwards, searching her brain for at least one more notable town feature that set Ponyville apart from a hoe dunk collection of Earth ponies living in the shadow of an oligarchical day-nightmare castle. Her patient crescent grin appeared “…Twilight’s giant-ass crystalline Ent Entity that occasionally causes fires amongst the residence if the Eternal Empress of Ponykind is drunk off her arse (on SODA!) and her death-orb of giant lasers is magnified until it becomes part of the insanity and decreases local property values.”

Aria Blaze, her lilac wings, covered with sausagy intestines (Probably vegetarian The Short..er..STOUT yellow banditos have sort of allowed us to continue or jobs sausages.) wings fully erect, smirked, “Somewhere in this ‘verse a forcian witch Alcolyt wincing like a couple billion voices cried out in offended and were too fuckin’ shocked to walk a couple blocks and knock.”

Vinyl Scratch, her white face and indigo-electric blue googles splashed Party Poison red, simply grinned slightly and nodded in agreement (Hasbro Approved. Oh Good, this part’s on brand. )

Starlight adjusted the droopy and still quite moist (Talzin was likely also eating messy ribs. Oh no! These copyrighted creatures are taking over our jobs!) face mask she was wearing. “So does anyone need to buy some Big Choopas, Grot-Prods, or Power Klaws? I already have enough for a Warbuggy…” Starlight survived her surroundings. “I do not need to spring for the red paint job.” (Starlight is VERY cheap! What?! No! Her marketability.)

Starlight once again grimaced past his clenched teeth. “Starlight, you know that paint stains alot better than blood! (Hurray! A furry creature has joined us to correct thought crime!Starlight sells almost as well as Twilight! The board will be furious!)

Starlight upturned her nose. “I want use every part of the buffalo!”

Sunburst raised an eyebrow, “Starlight! You’d have to use a shovel and fill a bathtub with ash to get some color out of most our victims!”

“Quary! Quary!” Twilight corrected. “As soon as that whole {Twilight air-quoted with her wings} Rancor Riding for the kids went awry, they became enemies of The State and we were duty bound to conquer their lands for Equestria.”

Flash twerked his lips. “Twi-baby, they were going to eat us, probably the kids first. It was written all over their faces.” (Whoa! That seems inappropriate for a TV-Y-7 show, we should bump that up to TV-MA! OH MY FUCKING GOD! HASBRO IS GOING TO SEND A HIT SQUAD AGAINST US AND OUR FAMILIES!)

“Mommy!” A midnight purple, splashed scarlet, alicorn colt cried out. “They were going to eat us for sure! This was some Three Kindomy nonsense trip!” (Eating kids is probably acceptable under TV-MA.No, you idiot! They are going to send two no that you used the eff word!)

“They where totally going to eat us!” Chimed in a eggplant colored Alicorn coltish tike.

“Mommy needed the cultural experience!” Twilight snapped back.

“Twiiiilight!” Crooned Sunburst.

“Traitor Husband!” snarled Starlight.

“We could have gone antiquing Hutt’s palace and it would have been safer than this trip.”

Starlight continued, “Ten-Thousand Traitor Legions upon your Hou-Wait, a minute… This might be my fault.” (Uh-oh… James Workshop might give us a threatening call! Like I fuckin’ care! Dead is dead, you dumb fuck!)

Sunburst whipped his head around. “Starlight, roughly everything is your fault!”

“It’s true!” Allegrezza agreed. “She told me if I said anything she’d kill me!” (Starlight threatening children is definitely on-brand! )

Author note: I’m tired of wrapping a description of every new pony, and there are myriads of new ponies on the way, so here’s the pups!

“Traitor cousin!” hissed a tiny, probably Sunburstian, mare named Starly, her horn jutting out the eye of a droopy, feminine face. Many of the ponies and Qurin present, especially those with curly hair just didn’t know what to pay attention to. Their wacka-doodled parents? The raw, but soon to be cooked face buffet that awaited? The fact that the author showed up long enough to explain he was going to phone in some things?

How dare you terror children! I hope you all enjoy the eye of terror, you briarpatching bastards!

(Well, I don’t know how tramatizing being thrown into a black-hollish gate to Chaos land is, but that’s probably irresponsible of a parent.Damnit, my causin Dale brought his fuckin’ “World Famous” Chilli. He’s only been to Canada and we LIVE here.)

“That’s unfair!” claimed Starlight. “Cheepy-cheep Twilight booked us a space-flight so cheep and friendtraininly M.C. Escherish that Sunset burned the ship down twice while we were still on it! I just was so put out about the experience I almost let us burn a second time.”

“Trixie saved everyone!” A tiny tike mare said, the spitting image of Trixie, if Trixie wore a bloody, bleached face for a cape instead of a shimmering purple cape. “I don’t know if she can teleport us out of the Eye of Terror.”

Sunset just chuckled crazily to herself. “I sure did, I sure did.”

Justice, the navy-blue alicorn self-insert nuzzled his hyper-wife. “Yes you did, and I was their to say ‘We don’t need no water, let this mother fucker burn.” (Ha! They could say that in a Tean fic, anyhow! No! Them Yellow banditos have rescued my horrible family! This is worse than the hit squads!) Sunset gave her husband a quick smooch, only to find the mischievous bastard had quickly donned Asajj Ventress’s face.

“Damnit Traitor Husband!” Spat out Sunset as she spat in attempt to clean her lips. “!,000 Astartees on your house!”

Justice bolted out of the cave, many confused colts, foals, and Qurins following him. “Sith-spawn! My hutt will collapse under that many space marines!.”

Not one to be outdone, Sunset her kids, clearly Justice’s kids as well, and a bunch of their cousins quickly dooned face masks, and/or face capes and gave pursuit, Sunset yelling, “No! My expensive gourdes!”

“Juuuuustice, Suuuuunset, You don’t even know where Ventress lives.”

“No, seriously,” Starlight growled. “I’ll wish enough traitor legions on your… bathroom that there are years in that thing I’m referencing.”

“We’re looking for a pile of Space Marines!” cried Sunset as she galloped further away.

“I was going to look for a crater full of my broken, gourdian-related, dreams!”

Starlight sighed. “I was going to eat those faces…”

Not even bothering to say her name, Sunburst turned. “Like all of them? Greedy to eat a many like that… You fat pregnant bitch!”

Everyone in earshot had a problem regarding their jaws and tripping over them. The rolling storm of laughter only increased when A tiny, Botton Mashian tyke wearing a dripping (Hah! Probably with bar-bee-q sauce!), tiny crown of fingers quickly crowned Aria Blaze. “You almost committed Titular Heresy! Now you are the Queen of the Zabraks!”

Aria Blaze reigned (Oh shit! Was that a speciest comment?!) in her hysterical laughter long enough to say “What?!”

“Hey!” Protested Vinyl (Whee! We finally offset toyetic cash-flow loss by adding marketability to a recently mute horse! Oh God! Hasbo is gonna release the nukes! ) “What am I going to do if I have to become a Princess, do I get a free Jedi Master?”

“Mom!” Barked a tiny coltish Vinyl Scratch. “You already have a horn! We made you a necklace of ears. Instead!”

As Vinyl was laughingly being leied, Sunburst exclaimed, “Horror child, those ears where supposed to be for the appitizers!”

“That’s right,” agreed Starlgiht. “Pinkie, Dan, your uncle, and I spent a lot of time dancing to Huie Lewis and the News and slicing off those ears with straight razors!”

Somewhere close… A certain Red Gas can watches a funeral pyre with an a white Astro Unit (R4-DA) and a dozen Jawas.

Author's Note

"Things are looking up, looking down." --Hellsing

This chapter means we have to release a MATURE version later...

Author's Notes: The features on the site are a bit bork. For instance, paragraph spacing isn't correcting. Sorry for the alternative spacing.

“Buuuuuuuuuuuuck Yoooooooouuuuuu!” Yelled Mother Talzin Starlight Glimmer as she shook her head back and forth, the Talzin face jerking hither and tither.
“No! Mom’s dignity!” cried the cauldron… or more likely some purpley-orangy child from within.
“Mother Talzin!” Tutted Sunburst “You’re setting a bad example for the children!—”
“Children we have brought that you are expected to respect!” Sassed a delightgully purple alicorn colt.
“—Moreso than when you decided to have the Wellspring children kill each other for the benefit of having more white trees!” continued Sunburst.
Starlight angrily hissesed. “How dare you expose the secretes of ME, Mother Talzin!”
One of the foals [Barley Ord Mandel’s Vendetta Red] a crushed crimson-indigo colored alicorn emerged from the cauldron and perched their forelegs over the side, a shifting ocean-blue & golden-brown aura imbued their horn as they picked up a discarded face from the bloody grond and the applied it to their face with a splorch! “Mother Starl-I mean-Mother Talzin will not forgive this insult! A chapter Traitor legion upon your house!”
Sunburst turned towards an invisible 4rth wall. “Good thing I have an underground retreat incase my children accidently crush our house with space marines.”
“Traitor Husband! Traitor Sons! Traitor Daughters—” Twilight Sparkle angrily hissed.
“Purple Book Mom beckons…” whispered a Taiji, Ying-Tang sunlight white & nebula purple colt [Justice Vanilla Starling] to a group of ponies, sirens, Kurins.
“I know, right?!” Chimed in Starlight.
“But we’re not listening because we’re traitors!” declared a springtime Kurin name [Double Bladezing Awesome Sauce Summer] chimed in
{Kurins and Niruks use a season based system to describe how old they are, Younglings are Springs, Adolescents are Summers, Adults are Autumns, and Elders are Winters. Arguments often arise and many switch forms based on being declared part of one season or the other.]
“—A Chapter of World Eaters upon you both!” Twilight opted to cozy up to Flash Sentry, smashing gore from her viscera covered body into his, admittedly rather stained, mellow yellow coat. (Wait, is this pony Flash, or High School Sweetheart Flash? Fuck it! I’m getting drunk offa whatever I find in the office! What does it even matter anymore?) “I’ve decided I prefer my yellow children.”
“Hurray!” Exclaimed a royal yellow gossamered scaled feathered alicorn colt [named: Riot On Shooting Star. Yes we can name them before someone says a thing, as long as we are safe in the box text.], “We’re finally a valuable color to our Purple Overmother.”
Twilight groaned, “I’m running out of Astarte to sick on my traitor fam…”
Flash Sentry nuzzled her, “You’re not getting even a heavy bolter from me, you delightful fuck mook.”
“Oh hey, I’m a trend-setter!” Sunburst said, raising his muzzle up proudly.
Glaring, Twilight dipped her head down to the ground and snagged a face by the left eye. She began to speak in a lowish growl. “When I get my bow back, the first thing I’m going to do is clip your wings.”
Flash’s Wing’s suddenly unfurled to their full length, “Erm… is that a promise?”
“Hurray!” Said one of the older fillies, her mane light orchid, her coat & wings mellow yellow, [Her name Starla Sterington Soundboard] her body red plats all over. “Our parents are feuding!”
“The blood games shall be glorious!” Said a bleached faced wearing colt, supposedly green, though the earie glow from the, quite occupied, cauldron. He adjust his fake plastic horn so that the hole that had been punched through the face widened with a ‘skkktch’. “I just need my bow.”
“You’re not getting your bows!” hissed Rarity as she laid, limbs spread upon a dome-like pile of, mostly bone-white bows. Their energy strings currently inert. Opal, her Carmel-colored husband [named Carmel], their litter of kittens, and a number of children, possibly adults, disguised as cats busily attaching hornish like objects to the foreheads of cats lacking horns, began hissing, spitting, crabbing, and pawing at their ‘horns’. Some of them running off rather than deal with the, often bloody, horns. (Uh-Oh, someone better call the ACPCA. Not me. I like watching cats scamper. Shit! Now people know that more than one cat exists!)
A sky-blue coated ‘cat’, horn already attached, (Man, anyone remember Aeon Flux? That shit was off the chain.Holy crap! It mentioned an outside Hasbro Franchise! I’m chewing through my restraints!) nibbled at a bone-bow, gripped it with both sets of teeth and scampered off, the pile sagging, then collapsing towards the hole left by the bow’s absence.
“Staaaarlaaa Lulamoon!” crooned Sunburst. “You bring that bow back right now! It hasn’t been properly inventoried!”
Rarity pawed with all four hooves at the bows as they slid down and to her left. The cats scattered, traitorous being they are…
A Space orange alicorn [Prominence] emerged from underneath Sunburst’s cloak and declared, “Traitor felines! I deliver onto each of thee a Sister of Silence!” This delighted the other children who began busily getting onto their comms, using magic, encanting ancient Imperium rights, and also setting lures with big piles of gold, found flamers, and bolter-rifles.
Unable to find purchase with the sliding bone-bows, Rarity slid with the sliding bows onto the floor, continually ‘pawing’ at each pow as if it would stop the slide.
Another colt, this [Tony Stork Guardian Mode] deep-nebula purple unicorn decided to sweeten the pot with a custom DL-44 with hunting stock. “That auta-get those bitches…”
Rarity clambered at the floor, sending gold and bone bows in all directions, accidentally waging a few adults and a kid or two in the head.
An offspring of Rarity-Dazzle [Rarity Adagio] bowls over the box text mentioned Tony Stork Guardian Mode, this yearling filly looms over him and glowers, her Emperor’s Children colored (Shimmering Gold, deep-nebula purple, and combustible lemon yellow) cascading mane that fell around him. “Pray tell be nice about the Sisters, they’ve chained men to their Penitence engines for less.
[A ‘Yearling’ is a horse who is neither a foal nor an adult, but in-between.]
Rarity finally found purchase with the blood and visverific giblitified ground and tore in the direction of Starla Lulamoon. “You hussy! I’ll have that BOW!”
TSGM gave the Rarity-Dazzle a pensive shit-eating grin. “What? I was helping!”
RA glanced at the blaster then back at her plray (OH shit! That sounds serious. I better see if Child Protection Services still exists on Dathomir.) “That’s not bad. I might have a spare blaster of my own.”
TSGM whistled. “Oh, I’d like to see that.”
“Starlight! Those kids are making the googlies at eachother and getting away! You’re failing at being a helicopter parent.”
“Bows are free!” Declared a Autumn brown-tan & deep-ocean azure & bright lime green colored boy- girl scaled gosimer winged Kurin-Siren with a sperm-whale tale. [Bouy Oceanus Xarpo ‘KillJoy Name: Box Burrier]
[A ‘Killjoy’ name is one that is used for a gang of ‘Killjoys’, rebels and terrorists most often aligned against corrupt and unjust systems.]
“SHUT! IT! You Crystaliarian Knocker-upper! I’m too pregs-
“Yeah! Mom is too pregs!”
“-Right. I’m too pregs to chase down every pair of tykes that are going to stare lovingly into each other’s voids! You high-expecting, Cronenbergian crooner, absolute BaaaaaSTARD!”(-1 Next Chapter Marker)
[left]
Etsy painting available
[url=https://www.stonebrewing.com/beer/arrogant-bastard-ale
Arrogant Bastard Ale, Put it in your face before it's collected![/left]

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Justice, Ventress’s wrinkled face still dangling from his horn, blue-streaked through a round red door, doorknob flung into the pale-bone walls of Ventress’s-er-her/him’s hovel. “Hello home, which was clearly a living, breathing, creature that the HOA marked for execution! I would have knocked, but realized it was my house.”
A trio of laughing yearlings ran through the, rather open, doorway. Runner-up Dark-chocolate alicorn filly [Tonya Murk] made it in next, a silver metal appeared around her neck on a red string as a gold metal with a black ribbon appeared around Justice’s neck. “Uh… Second! Apparently!”
A gold-deep blue-robin speckled, shark-finned Siren-Niruk-Pony that was flaming with electric azurem white, black and crimson [Turquoise Stark-Shark-Selene] squeaked her glowing moon-white saber-horn before her bro-sis, a bronze metal on a blue ribbon appearing around her neck. “Third! I get to stand on a platform and lament I’m not taller!”
The third kurin-siren-pony’s, their coat a Star Lord Maroon, Sun White, and Super-massive Hole Black ,Star Lady Midnight Blue, their mane a collection of pocket-watch-like golden and brass gears with electric/swamp/indigo green [Zeitgeist Vendetta R. Chronos] hoof crossed the damaged threshold. “Damnit! I was going to thank Steven Spielberg, my parents, then GOD in that order!”
A Weatees box with a picture of the foal/filly appeared with the words, “Let’s Talk” in sharpie written on it.
Sunset Shimmer, her bright turquoise eyes obscured by the DAthimorian sun bleached (Oh no, either that’s a typo or the District Attorney of Dathimor is out for blood.) face dangling by the forehead on her horn clipped the door-frame with her shoulder, busting more red wood into the ‘home’. “Ow… Where’s my prize…?”
With the whistling sound of an incoming mortar, a..well, a MORTAR bursts through the red-wood ceiling and exploded in front of Sunset Shimmer. The startled ponies beheld a trench-coat donned, gas-mask wearing man with a well quaffed blonde Nike-swatch of hair. “Sunset Shimmer, Tom Trench hear of 666 News! Empress Sunset!” Tom extended a black gloved covered hand. “A pleasure to meet you.”
“Damnit” the other four ponies exclaimed in unison as more enraptured ponies, sirens, and Kurins poured in. A chorus of moans roughly all saying “! Should have thrown the race,” rang out.
Sunset Shimmer grinned nervously, sweet beginning to appear on her furry burnt-orange brow. “Uh… Hi, Tom Trench… it’s great to see you again.”
“Now then, you didn’t finish in the money, you actually placed fifth! However, I’m pleased to introduce the sixth-or maybe seventh after yours truly!”
Sunset’s jaw dropped and a noiseless scream escaped.
“Well, we’re all aflutter…” said T.S.S.S. [Turquoise Stark-Shark-Selene]

With a HELLISH deep blue and cyrillian flame a Kirin Ichiban with great-white shark and alicorn features, appeared. Her coat was technicolor and her mane was a blazing all chromatic. Technaro had returned to the land of the living, and Hell came (Cum… Can I just write cum?) with her.
And before Tom Trench could so much as say ‘Well, that sure was impressive.’ Justice and Technaro, T.S.S.S., Z.V.R.C., T.M., and Sunset Shimmer all imbued Tom with their powers and he began to transform into twins.
[A.I. Prompt: Two Kurins Niruks with Megladom features and alicorn features, one black with a Nike swash mane and fire engine transformer coat, one with a flaming mane pronounced fins hearts on her flanks and wearing sunglasses sunglasses.
A.I. Prompt: Two Kurins Niruks KIRIN ICHIBAN with The Meg Megladom Shark Sharp Teeth features and alicorn features, one black with a Nike swash sun-straw mane, shining turquoise eyes and fire engine biomatrix red transformer trench coat, one with a flaming mane pronounced fins hearts on her flanks and wearing sunglasses sunglasses and fire engine frosting blue fathom witchblade trench coat with gun-tridents
Tom Trench and Technaro Tomorrow}
Justice took a break from watching the majesty of TTs and T.T.s transformation to sweep Technaro off her hooves with a deep-cosmic azure glow of his horn and plant his lips on his, diving his tongue straight into her mouth and tasting just where she had been for all these years.
Technaro blushed so indigo pink that the Ranchor bones began to sing and her mane flared a fiery-magma glowing red. She grinded her pelvis into his and --- (Record Scratch… Well… Shit. Now we have like… two or three sex scenes and orgies to write…)
--Teen Edit
“Who do I bring this box of delicious cereal too to talk?” Zeitgeist Vendetta R. Chronos posed.
“Wait,” Justice said, examining the box with his daughter/son’s face on it as Technaro & Sunset sat on thei haunches behind him and licked their forelegs like satisfied cats. “Do I need to take you to your sponsors?” He looked around and found his ‘Ventress’ mask and put it on then he was a She. SHe glared at Sunset and hissed in a feminine tone. “You! This is YOUR fault!”
Technaro glowered at Sunset “Yeah, Sunset! You Money grubbing whore-traitor-wife!” (Yay! Technaro is back from the dead. Yes that Technaro.) “A chapter of Ultramarines are inbound to catalogue your failures!”
Technaro laughed as Sunset quickly scanned the floor, covered and scattered pottery, artifacts, and furniture not ready for pony-siren-megladoom-kurin-niruk love making. She found her mask, put it on, then she was perhaps a younger she.
“AS IF!” Sunset shot back. “It’s not my fault the child wasn’t properly trained!”
Justice glared and swatted at his gold metal with a hoof. He opted to take it off and whap it across Sunset’s face. As she nursed her red cheek. He returned his, now bent, metal to around his neck. “Funny, but you should have accused me of living out my ‘glooooory daaaays!’”
A call of, “Watch out! Starla Lulamoon is on a bow rampage and Rarity’s pissed!” rang into the bone house.
Author Notes:
“This is Tom Trench II or maybe 11! Next chapter! We will maybe get lines!”
“This is Technaro Tomorrow! Supposedly I will have been fucked, or their will finally be a mature version with the Dazzelings having sex.”
“Peeps been waiting! It’s been too long… you prudes!”
“Damnit Tom, I was going to call everyone a prude.”
“Well you pruny bitch—”
“Stop talking! I’ll kill you!”
“—let’s leave everyone with some snippets.”
[Justice Habbakkuk] I’m Turning Japaneasy, I’m turning Japaneasy, I really think so.

[Onion Pepper Salsa D.]

-1
“Well BUUUUUUCK YOU! SOMEONE has to VOYER the children!”

“Starlight! You gave the children a Pennant engine!”
“Lies and slander! The Sisters provided the engine! I merely gave them permission!”
“You’re supposed to consult with me before the kids engage in crucifixion! WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!”
“What was I supposed to do?! Say no in front of the Sisters of Silence?! They have big, scary robots.”
“I’ve spoken to their Dreadnaughts! They’re very reasonable!”

“What are you doing in my house?!”
“Oh no, she found us!” Exclaimed Justice in a panic.
Quickly thinking Sunset applied the Ventress mask, a bit diagonally to Justice’s face.
“Uh-I mean- You get out of MY house!”

Dan & Pinkie ^
“DAaaaaaAAAAAaaaan! I have an IDEA! Arm the children with Crowbars!”
“Great Idea, Pinkie! Then they can—”
“Then we can steal!”
“—I was just about to say that! Then we can steal! I mean-Then they can steal!”
(Idiot! You don’t announce that you’re ‘chewing through your restraints’. You just start biting and eating that sweet, sweet, hemp!)
Parts to add: Rarity on her dragon hoard of magical force bows, Spike’s crystal eating problem continues via piles of kyber crystals, Button declares himself a shadowy alicorn with soaked coat, broken bow on forehead ne and applies a sticky bone to Aria Blaze’s (SR.) head, Pegasus Sonata Dusk emerges with many “horns”, Octavia, not one to be left out, has a Dathomorian brass intsrament , on her head, Rainbow Dash is “collecting colors”, decided a crown of small bone shards is to be her “birthright”, Twilight and Sunburst argue about antiquing. Sunset and Trixie’s kids start pilfering from Rarity and Oppalessence’s horde, their parents uttalize them as a distraction. Starlight just can’t stop toppling governments, she has a problem, and her 12 step program failed immediately when she thought, maybe, just maybe, her off-again, on-again boyfriend’s dads? Moms? A ‘higher power’ she could give herself up to (The Abyss, AzAzel, The Nameless Mist). Disorder is labeling the errant faces littered across the battlefield, ‘Baby-eater’, ‘Rapist’, ‘Just plain rude,’ etc… Minuette and Colgate save the gang, the first time, from Sunset’s wrath at horrid friendship crafts, probs made by them Alicornian bastards, or something.
Arrogant Bastard Ale, Put it in your face before it's collected!
Twilight: “Do you want the face mask on or off?”
Flash: “Off please.”
Twilight: “Well too bad.”

Panic Station and Order respond to Adagio’s quite rude remark (Order & Disorder, Panic & Calm… Discord & Eris can come too)
Autumn Blaze!” Disorder cried heroically as he summon-tossed the confused and semi-hapless Qurin through a plate glass window. “I need your help!”

“OH my sticks and coins!” cursed Autumn Blaze as she got up to her hooves and shoock off the glass shards from her fur. She spun round and glared at Disorder. “You’re lucky I have a shell!”

“Yes! Luck! A good thing you have! Something I don’t really need at this particular moment! I need your help fixing a window!”

Autumn Blaze’s left eyebrow sank. “You don’t say.”

“Your Pinkie Pieish attitude won’t fix stained glass, my little Qurin!” declared Disorder. “I need help reparing a…” Discord peared downward towards the next paragraph, “…fresca!”

Autumn Blaze sighed as she once again dramatically spun to notice a fresca of mostly white, and canary yellow pieces scattered across the polished ivory floor. “Oooooh, good. Do you need me to get mad enough to slag it into a red-hot ball of glass so we can reshape it in Equestria’s maybe reigning Monarch?!” she posed.

“No!” Disorder replied curtly. “I could have done that! Well…” he tilted his head. “Not the part were we romantically reshape the molten glass, a la some ghosty movie from a planet you’ve probably never herd of.”
Autumn Blaze sighed. “The movie is literially named Ghost. We watched last week.”

“…Shit!” And then Disorder was a Ghost.

“See, this is why I needed your help!”
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”
“It’s fine! It’s not like you killed me. I’m just now ethereal and translucent! Like a Scoo…Wait, that dog might have stopped exist-” Disorder intentionally ceased talking as his features became distinctly canine.
“Well, how do I make you not a ghost?!” Exclaimed Autumn Blaze. “DAMNIT! Not again!”
Disorder had ceased being ethereal and translucent. He now was quite stone like, very visible and stuck, mid-pawing at the air. “Hurray! I have been Fu Dogged once more!”
Autumn Blaze grit her teeth. “I don’t know if can handle birthing another brood of Qurins and Stone Balls!”
“It’s fine!” Proclaimed Disorder. “Finding one of the already birthed children, or another delightful child that wishes to be underpaw and guarding entry-ways will suffice.”
“Ooooooooh, good!” Snarled Autumn Blaze. “I’ll go get my kidnapping net!” she declared making a production of turning around and throwing herself through an unbroken plate glass window.
Disorder gasped. “She did it again! Wait!” he cried, quite unable to move, save his mouth.

“What was wrong with it?”
“Did you like it? I loathed it.
The pony frowned.
Another tike shook his head. “IT was pretty gauche.”
“I liked it!” replied Pony 1.
“It was also massively haunted.” Disorder said as hundreds of tiny ghosts emerged from his flaming mane and evaporated into the air.

Order “I spent all century ignoring that!” he quipped about the broken window. “’Tia’s little, ‘And I’m everyone’s friend, Jesus!’ piece she had commissioned and installed at the cost of a Death Star II’s worth of independent contractors.

“Oh, good. A Valley under a too bright heaven!” He glowered upwards at the sun. “I bark at thee, [adverb] sky orb! I bark at thee.”

“Staaaarlight, you where right…” Crooned a, clearly, up until recently crying Sunburst. “Face when properly cooked is the best!”
“…” Starlight simply stared at Sunburst in disbelief.
“HEY!” shouted Twilight. “Stop getting bits of face on my throne!”
“Why don’t you come up here and make me, Twilight!”
“AHEM!” Starlight said.
“Staaaaarlight! You don’t literially say ‘ahem’ you—”
“SHUT THE BUCK UP, Sunburst!” cried Starlight. “Twilight, I need the room.”
“But it’s my throne!”
“Now, Twilight!” Starlight insisted as she picked up Twilight in a deep sky-blue aura and threw her out the double doors. Slamming them behind Twilight.
Twilight looked perplexed for a moment then intoned outload. “Wait… do I even need a throne.”

Carl Himself says 'Fuck no!' at the end of this! Or?

Throwing the mayor's stupid, racist corpse out the window, because, hey! I'm being reversed racismimed Starlight screamed. "So, the mayor of the city greeted us with 'Hey the world's most deranged couple!' And I screamed you are not being railroaded! I don't want this fic, so how about I let Carl himself do me doing him!"

"Outie!" Sunburst declared. "Too Much To Do About Nothing for me!" he sang.

"Carl dosen't need this damage!" Carl screamed. "Sunburst, don't be Equestria's biggest douch tornado because the host needs someone to help him."

"Yay!" GaaaBooo screamed in utter delight. "We've gone full meta! Justice keep writing this one, they basically, ...alright fine, just get back to 'All that Shimmers', you're basically threatening Sunset with your hotness."