Royal Flush

by WhatDidIJustRead

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1261

When curiosity strikes, Twilight Sparkle flushes her crown down the toilet.

Twilight is very science-minded, and when the chance to perform an experiment occurs, she takes it. Unfortunately, the experiment is simply to flush her crown down the toilet in Canterlot.

Published 2019-06-21 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-06-21 01:00:01 UTC

It's just an experiment, bro

Twilight flushed her toilet just after finishing her business, and sighed with relief as she stood up from a sitting position. Her head tilted down, causing her crown to fall to the floor with a loud, metallic clamor, brief but still sudden enough to surprise her. She looked down at the object, more of a tiara than a crown really, and wondered how the other princesses dealt with wearing theirs all day, every day. Did theirs fall off in the bathroom too?

Just as she picked it up, her eye fell upon the toilet. The toilet that was just sitting there in the room with her. An idea came to mind, and her scientific curiosity took over.

What would happen if...?

"You did what?" Princess Celestia asked.

"I flushed my crown down the toilet," Twilight said matter-of-factly.

"Twilight..." Celestia said, temporarily lost for words. She continued after an awkward but short pause. "Why would you do that?"

"I wanted to see what would happen."

"You wanted to see what would happen," Celestia repeated, as if needing confirmation that she had heard correctly.

"Yeah. You taught me to value experimentation and how to approach questions with scientific interest. I wanted to see what would happen, so I tested it." Twilight's responses were very direct, and Celestia knew that she wasn't lying or joking, as this was an attitude she had seen before. She just couldn't figure out what her former student could have been thinking.

"Are you telling me that you really didn't know the crown would be lost? It could be anywhere in the Canterlot sewers by now," Celestia said, more to vent her frustration than to find an answer.

"Well... I did think that, but I still had to try before I could be certain."

Celestia put a hoof on her face and sighed. "Twilight, you should have a crown for tonight's party. Do you have a spare?"

"No," Twilight said, shaking her head.

"Then why did you... ugh, never mind. I will have the royal jeweler craft a new one for you, but it will take several days to make. It seems that tonight, you will have to tell the nobles that you forgot it in Ponyville or something."

Twilight gasped. "Princess! That would be lying! Why shouldn't I tell them I flushed it down the toilet?"

"Because..." Celestia began, then grunted and glared. "Do you really not see how foolish you'd look?"

"What? Foolish? Just because I was curious? Well, excu-u-use me, Princess," Twilight grumped.

"Yes! What you did was foolish. Very, very foolish. And that's putting it nicely, if I'm being honest."

Twilight's jaw dropped. "Celestia! How could you... I... Wow. Maybe I just won't attend the party, then. Why should I, if I'm just going to be insulted over one little experiment?"

Celestia took a calming breath, exhaling slowly and evenly. She considered for a moment, and realized that perhaps it would be best that Twilight remain in her room. Having an Equestrian princess admit to flushing her crown would look bad to the dignitaries from other realms, and could do real political damage if ponies got a bad reputation as incompetent.

"Yes, that may be for the best, actually. You may stay in your room tonight, and leave for Ponyville tomorrow as planned," Celestia said.

Twilight was genuinely hurt, but did her best to hide it. "F-fine. I'll just go tell Spike that he can't have the hors d'oeuvres I promised him!" she said, then galloped off, leaving a trail of tears on the marble floor of Celestia's bedroom.

Celestia rolled her eyes, sighing heavily. Twilight was like a daughter to her, and she was brilliant when it came to magic, but some things just escaped her otherwise bright mind. Princess Celestia trotted into her personal bathroom and opened the mirror above the sink, revealing shelves of bottles. She opened the one labeled "aspirin" and removed the seal, as it was a new bottle, then popped ten tablets into her mouth, swallowing them dry. With a quick flick of magic, she screwed the cap back on, then threw the mostly-full bottle into her toilet and flushed it down.

"Guess I'd better get the jeweler started on the new crown."

Ten days later, Derpy Hooves was flying over Ponyville, mailbag slung over her neck. She reached into it and saw one package addressed to Princess Twilight Sparkle. That was great news, because she just happened to be flying over the Castle of Friendship. With a gentle dive, she swooped down to the front door and knocked on it.

"Coming!" said a muffled voice that she recognized as Spike's. A moment later, the door opened inwardly.

"Package for Twilight Sparkle!" Derpy said with a happy, silly grin.

"Thanks, Derpy! I'll get it to her right away," Spike said as he took the package.

He closed the door after a quick goodbye to his mailmare friend, and shook the package next to his ear, trying to gain a hint as to what it could be. It wasn't all that heavy, so it probably wasn't a book, but it also didn't move around much, so he doubted it was an assortment of tasty gems. His curiosity grew as he made his way to the kitchen, where Twilight was making some carrot and onion soup.

"Twilight, package for you," he announced as he stepped in. He saw her cutting the green ends off of some carrots, and walked over to give her the box, hiding his impatience about seeing what it was.

"A package? I wasn't expecting a package. Huh, wonder what it could be," she said, setting down the knife to take the parcel and set it on the counter. Spike rose onto his tippy toes as he watched the box open. His eyes widened as he saw the object come out. It was a beautiful golden crown with purple amethysts and red rubies set into it. "Wow! It's even more beautiful than the other one was!"

"Whoa, you got a new crown?" Spike asked. He wanted badly to take a bite out of it, but he knew that was a big no-no.

"Yeah, I flushed my other one down the toilet in Canterlot," Twilight said, a strangely off-hoof remark that confused Spike.

"You did what?" he asked.

"Last week in Canterlot, when we missed that party? It was because I flushed my crown down the toilet, and Celestia didn't want me there without it," she said.

"Uh... huh..." Spike said. He decided not to question Twilight further. "Well, the new one looks great! Why don't you try it on?"

"Sure!" Twilight said. She gently set the crown on her head, where it fit just as perfectly as the other had. The crystal castle walls, reflective enough to be makeshift mirrors, showed her that it didn't look half bad on her, either, and Spike let out a low whistle in agreement. "I love it!"

"Yeah, it looks great on you, Twi," Spike said. "Here, let me go throw the box away for you."

She smiled and thanked Spike as he took the trash out, then continued cutting her carrots, enjoying the weight of the crown on her head. Humming, she dumped the green ends of the carrots into the food disposal, and held a button as it whirred and ground the bits into mulch. She stared at the little hole that was meant for food waste, then up at her crown. An idea came to her, then.

What would happen if...?