All the World's a Stage

by JimmyHook19

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Equestria Girls, Sex, Random, Comedy
Length: 2567

Take the limelight!

Jimmy has often felt he is in a grand work of fiction, but he has no idea how right he is...

Published 2019-05-20 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-24 20:36:06 UTC

Alas, poor Jimmy...

Today, we go off to outer space, where an intrepid team of soldiers and scientists discover a colony destroyed by unknown forces, and confronted by deadly adversaries.

Hold on a second, that's the wrong story. That's Aliens.

"EEEP! That film's scary!"

Don't be silly, Sweetie Belle. What's more fun and entertaining than setting a bunch of aliens on fire?

"We're effectively transdimensional aliens, Mr. Narrator."

Noted, Miss... which background character are you again? I get you all mixed up.

"Blush. Citrus Blush."

Oh, yes! From a few months back! Now I remember. However, we have other things to discuss, as today we indeed travel to uncharted territory upon the barren rock that is Earth, and voyage, possibly with bon-

"Did somepony say my name?"

"Did somebody say my name?"

Hold on a minute, I know Bon Bon here-

"Which one?"

Pony.

"Oh."

"Right."

I know Bon Bon is already in the list. Aye, in the catalogue ye go for a pony.

"What?"

Just a subtle note for what is coming. Anyways, I know you from Discord's page, but the human one?

"Yes?"

Return to the queue. You heard what I said to Cozy Glow when she tried to jump the queue.

"Anypony care to explain the piano music?"

"What's Rara doing now?"

Enough of that. I get the feeling we need to start the story now, or else we shall get bogged down in endless sidetracks of sidetracks of tales within yarns within stories, and continue the Legend of Jimmy.

No, that doesn't quite sound right. The legend of Hook!

No, that doesn't right either. I know! The Jacobean saga!

"Why? What sort of a name is that?"

King James the VI and I of Scotland and England was often referred to as Jacobus Rex. As Jimmy is a shorthand for James, referring to it as the Jacobean saga makes perfect sense. But on to the story.

We find ourselves in a place on the edge of the town of Manteo, twinned with Biddeford in Devon, of all places.

This place hid a dark past, as in 1585 an entire colony had just vanished off the face of the Earth.

Ever since 1937, the people of Manteo had re-enacted the story of the Roanoke colony, in a play called The Lost Colony, the second longest running of its kind in the United States (after The Ramona Pageant).

We are a little way away, inside a building. Novel, I know, but I digress.

Here we encounter Jimmy, safe and returned from his cherry trip, and talking to a group of women.

"So, what is it you do exactly?" one of them asked him, looking a little skeptical at his stories thus far.

"I transform into fictional characters," Jimmy replied, without a trace of irony. "It is an odd hobby, but it seems to be a good fit for me."

Some of them began laughing. Others shook their heads in disbelief.

But then one of them took her phone out, and navigated to YouTube. There, she pulled open a CNN report, on a video entitled 'Man transforms into Pony on camera'.

"Oh!" said another. "Southwest Airlines Flight 405! I remember that."

"Yes," said yet another. "Only one survivor. But then according to footage uploaded online, a giant cat creature then appeared and attacked the rescue crews at the wreckage."

"Only for me to stop them," Jimmy informed. "That, and I had some help from some tanks of the US Army." There was a stunned pause, before a series of beeps informed them of a recent post regarding an unusually high concentration of animals outside a man's house. "So," asked yet another, who hadn't said much up to this point. "Does... does it hurt when it happens?"

"Depends," Jimmy replied. "The early ones were painful as hell." His mind filled with unpleasant recollections regarding a scarf, and another one with the moon which had made a particular mess of his... private parts. "But I just got used to it in the end. Some people claim I'm Cursed. Other followers on the internet call it The Gift."

With that, the conversation seemed to conclude, and the assembled people began to mill around, not doing anything in particular. Jimmy got up, and walked off to a table when he spotted something odd. Sitting at the table was a black glove. Whilst most people wouldn't think twice about the presence of a black glove, here it was most odd.

I, as the narrator, shall take the opportunity to inform the readers that Jimmy was at a place called the Irene Smart Rains Costume Shop (though why it is called that is lost on me). It was hopelessly out of place for the environment, so Jimmy did the only thing a reasonable person would do in those circumstances.

He picked it up. Big mistake.

As he did, it flew onto his hand with a whoosh!

"The shooting star is coming through!"

Care to explain why you have just crashed through my wall, Gordon? If you are here, the multiverse is falling apart which is worse than I feared.

"I'm trying to escape from Big World, Big Adventures."

Always a sensible policy. Now excuse me whilst I fix the story.

Jimmy, completely unaware of the shenanigans going on in the narrator's house, did the only thing a reasonable person would do in those circumstances.

He picked it up. Big mistake.

As he did, it flew onto his hand with a whoosh!

As it did, a large blue spark flew through the air, jolting his very body and causing the light fittings to stop.

Everybody else looked over in surprise at the source of the sudden loss of light, and suddenly observed Jimmy, who had suddenly gained a red beret, rather like that a stereotypical Frenchman would wear.

"It's Monday, isn't it?" he asked rhetorically, the collar of his shirt shrank back, dropping to become a very low cut, revealing some nonexistent cleavage.

The sleeves shrank back and terminated a short way up his arms, and the shirt turned black, from its previous red. Then another glove appeared, joining it's cousin.

What followed left him with untold embarrassment. His shorts suddenly merged together into a single garment, the zip and button vanishing as a matter of course.

They turned red, as the symbol of a black musical note appeared on one side, as well as a white stripe at the bottom (seriously, what is it with white stripes on the bottom of skirts?) and then grew longer, terminating just above his knees.

"Is he some sort of crossdresser?" asked one person, totally unaware of what had occurred previously.

Finally, his shoes morphed into a pair of black boots with white heels and white stripes, arranged in a set of three, just below his knees.

Thus far, everything had gone from top to bottom. But suddenly, everything started going the other way! He grimaced as his manhood was sucked into her body, and her hips pushed out. At the same time, her feet shrank, as did her entire body, reducing her to being a little short of 5 feet. Her shoulders contracted inwards, as another two garments appeared. Anybody who knows these stories well enough will know which ones those are. This was fortuitous, as whilst her shoulders narrowed, her chest suddenly swelled, growing into a pair of breasts. Her eyes turned from blue to purple along with her Eyebrows switching from brown to violet, not to mention her skin from a Caucasian tone to an incredibly light pink. In the midst of this, her face cracked and reshaped from a 22 year old guy to that of a teenage high school girl. To compliment this, 2 sets of eyelashes appeared on both sides of her face. Her hair turned from brown to green, in two different shades, and, in a remarkable first, actually shrank, being reduced to a very short bobcut around her head, which had an early 1940s look to it.

In comparison to previous occasions, Jimmy's memories survived intact. As she looked around, she realized that everybody had recorded and photographed at least part of it. "Zounds!" she cried. "This be greatly embarrassing!"

"She's an actor," said one person watching, handing her a skull.

And so Jimmy, or by now known as Watermelody, got to work. "To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,

No more."

She glanced at the assembled crowd. "Er... may I audition for The Lost Colony?"

Author's Note

Anyone want me to do a 2nd chapter to see what happens next? Answer down below in the comments if you want me to do it. :raritywink:

Dressed in Borrowed Robes

A few days later, at Norfolk Navy Base in Virginia, a destroyer sailed into the port, preparing to dock. This vessel, the USS Porter, was returning from a long deployment in the Persian Gulf, and the crew were all looking forward to a long break in the United States, before returning to duty in other parts of the world. The ship approached the dock, and briefly stopped.

"Papa Charlie, this is Charlie Oscar of USS Porter, requesting permission to dock, over."

The radio onboard the destroyer crackled into life. "Charlie Oscar, this is Papa Charlie. You are cleared to dock, over."

"Charlie Oscar to Papa Charlie, which berth are we to dock in, over?"

Charlie Oscar, this is Papa Charlie. You are cleared for berth two one, repeat, Two One. Papa Charlie Out."

Once the radio signal had ceased, the vessel sounded its horn, a loud, bellowing tone that warned all in the area to stay out of the way, lest they get hit. It sailed into the dock, engines reverberating, and then stopped completely. The boat would be there for some time, and once the jetty was connected and the ramp secured, three sailors stepped off of the ramp and onto the port ground. The three looked extremely cheerful, and this being the world of the Jacobean saga, this rendered them prone to breaking into song at the most bizarre of moments.

"New York, New York!" the first one started.

Before the first had finished, the second then followed. "New York, New York!"

Then the third came along. "New York, New York!"

Then they all sang together. "It's a wonderful town!"

A member of dock crew sighed at them. "This is Norfolk, geniuses," he said, with his face in his palm. "New York is 293 miles north east of here." He then walked on to connect up a fuel line.

The first sailor looked at the others. "Does Norfolk scan in terms of the lyrics?" he asked.

"I don't know!" said the second, a Lieutenant Hopper. "Don't look at me, Jackson." Jackson held the rank of Petty Officer Third Class, putting him pretty below Hopper.

"Well, New York is two syllables, and so is Norfolk," said the third, Chief Warrant Officer Second Grade Wilson. "So yes, it scans. But we can't repeat the musical number, as the ship is closed for cleaning and maintenance. So we need to find something else to do whilst on the mainland. Got any ideas?"

"Well," said Hopper, "I was thinking of perhaps visiting my home town, Manteo."

"Manteo, North Carolina?" asked Wilson. "The one the military is keeping a constant eye on?"

"Yeah," Jackson sighed. "Home of 'subject X', whoever that is."

"You know talk of that doesn't leave this base, right?" Hopper reminded them. "'Subject X' is a top secret, highly classified individual. Had something to do with Midwest Airlines Flight 405, once we'd finished analysing the black boxes."

"Yes sir," Jackson replied. "Speaking of this 'Manteo', what is there to do there?"

"There's some sort of outdoor show on just outside the town. Something like 'the Hopeless Case'?" Wilson suggested.

"The Lost Colony," Hopper corrected him. "Something to do with the past of the area, Roanoke Island. I should know, but I don't."

"Well, gee whiz, Lieutenant!" Jackson said. "That sounds like fun! Should we go and give it a try?"

"All right," Hopper said. "And why are you suddenly talking like a character out of South Pacific?"

"At least the dames here don't wash men out of their hair," Wilson joked. The men laughed at how very funny they were, and went off to get changed into civilian clothing.

It was a long journey to Manteo, but at long last they got there, as the sun was beginning to fade and artificial light was rolling in. The trio arrived at the sight for The Lost Colony, and did what all reasonable sailors did when on shore leave; they went straight to the bar, with an appetite strong and hearty.

No, not that kind of bar. Anyway, they picked up some beer, and headed off toward their assigned seats. They were outdoors, which would be mildly annoying if it started to rain, but there were no clouds, so that wasn't a worry. They took their seats, and suddenly overheard a conversation.

"Well, isn't this week odd!" a man remarked to his wife.

"Why so?" his wife asked.

"Normally by now, that James fellow would have returned. But he hasn't been seen in four days!"

"That is strange," the woman said, putting a hand to her chin. "Remember that time when a massive parade of animals ran through the town?"

"How could I forget?" the man replied. "Or that business with the hat, or how about the sun?"

"I bet he uses sunblock!"

Wilson looked over to Jackson. "What's that all about?" he asked.

Jackson shrugged, much like Atlas. "Beats me," he said.

Later, the performance got under way, and all seemed pretty normal at first. However, midway through they spotted something odd. Jackson indicated to Hopper. "Third performer on left, standing," he whispered, in an incredibly quiet voice.

"What about them?" Hopper asked, not entirely sure what Jackson was getting at. In truth, he was having difficulty telling everybody apart, and he had little clue of what was going on.

"Skin tone is a bit off," Jackson said quietly. "Light pink."

"Sunburn?" Wilson suggested.

"Seems unlikely in this weather," Jackson noted. "But the hair colour is off, too. Green. That's not a natural hair colour."

Wilson then put all the pieces together, and realized who it was he was looking at. Subject X, seemingly out and functioning normally in public without causing any problems at all. Which was a first, as usually Subject X entering the frame led to all sorts of unwanted problems. But little did those three sailors realize it that dark night, but they would cross paths with Subject X again. And that would be much sooner than they could even imagine.

Author's Note

2 things:

Anyone here spot a shout out to a Musical in this chapter? Here's a hint: It's one of my Editor's Favorite Musicals.

I hope y'all like that ending part for of this chapter which foreshadows for next week's story, which y'all will see which character it will be that I will transform into in due time :raritywink: