Avalanche from a Flurry

Twilight left Flurry in bed, and went down to the room next to the kitchen. Spike was reading a novel near the fire, and Starlight was doing some detailed-looking drawing. Twilight approached the fire and lay on her side next to Spike, facing the fire, and thought. Are there any important things about this that I'm forgetting? I need to make a list, but writing it down seems terribly unwise. At least, not in clear text. Plus… it's kind of ridiculous, but I don't know what I look like there. What to take care of first?

She dozed off, dreaming that she was a little filly and Starlight Glimmer was her best friend and she wanted to see what a penis looked like so Starlight Glimmer mind-controlled Twilight's family into showing themselves off but Twilight broke the spell before she could issue the command and said just ask them and Starlight Glimmer said it's a bit late for that now considering they're going to be upset about this but now she never did it why would Twilight have let her do that, no she just asked Shining Armor nicely and he was shy at first but then he showed them and she looked it over carefully but Starlight wasn't interested because she'd totally abused her power in Our Town and gotten more than enough of that, why don't you enjoy yourself a little with a pony who said okay already so here's this penis and okay penises are not that amazing in themselves, but this one is attached to a powerful, kind, strong, loyal, brave, beloved stallion, Shining Armor, so I care about this one a bit more, enough that I trace over it, and he's holding me and now I'm getting hot in the face…

"Twilight!"

Her eyes jolted open. "Spike?"

"Uh, I, umm. You were asleep, right?"

"Yes! Yes, I was dreaming." As discreetly as possible, Twilight pulled a foreleg out from between her hind legs. She glanced around - Starlight had left, apparently.

"Well, you, ah, were, umm, making noises. Yup, making noises. Bad dream?"

"Oh! Hah. Umm. Can't say it was bad, more weird. Did I say anything out loud?"

"No words, not exactly. Umm. Should I have just left and let you continue?"

Twilight chuckled, then her eye caught on his crotch, which was bulging a little.

He shifted in shame. "Sorry."

That got her to laugh out loud. "How could I possibly blame you for that? I mean, here I am… just doing what I was doing, apparently. Sorry for that if it bothered you."

"Not really, I just figured you wouldn't want to in front of me. Kind of surprising that it never came up before, considering we slept in the same room until the castle here."

"First time it's happened, as far as I know. I've never actually… you know, not seriously. That was really weird."

"You've never… touched yourself? Seriously? I thought you were just good at hiding it."

"No, I don't really want to. It just seems like it's fake. I… haven't even looked at myself."

Spike's eyes widened. "Whoa."

"Yeah, I think I'll fix that much."

Spike's hemipenes suddenly escaped his cloaca. He tried to clamp his legs together, but that just forced one up and one down, revealing both.

Twilight snorted and closed her eyes. "Ridiculous. Now I've seen you before I've seen me."

"Sorry!"

"If it doesn't bother you, doesn't bother me."

"Oh. Really? Well, in that case, you can open your eyes, I guess."

She did, and he was sitting more normally, two erect hemipenes jutting upwards, but now drooping.

Twilight frowned and stared. "Why are there two?"

He proudly expounded, "Lots of reptiles and amphibians have them. Some fish have three. They do different things in different species. Sometimes it's because of the fat tail, you can't mount from the rear in the middle, so aiming off to the side is easier. Other cases they just help to line things up. Dragons are flexible enough to face each other and dextrous enough to guide with our claws, so we don't need it, but… umm… it's really nice, so I'm glad."

Twilight looked away. She had the weird feeling that she ought to offer him to look at her, but she didn't. After around ten seconds, she said, "I'm glad you're glad. It's good to be happy with your body."

"Aren't you?"

"I don't have an opinion on that part of me. I hadn't really thought about it."

"I'm sure it's nice. You should be happy too."

"Spike, that was exceptionally bad epistemology."

"Well, forgive me for not wanting to delve into the depths of the question of whether my big sister has a beautiful vulva!"

Silence reigned for ten interminable seconds. His equipment slowly retracted.

"I'm sorry, Spike. I didn't mean to say we should be talking about it. I just meant there were better ways of putting the question away than simply assuming an answer."

He nodded. "Fair enough. Maybe yours is mashed potatoes."

Twilight giggled. "All right, criterion one: should not resemble mashed potatoes." He joined in the giggling. She added, "Would marshmallows be better?"

He laughed harder. "Yes, I think they would."

Muffled hoofbeats came into the room. Starlight Glimmer, in slippers and robe, looked at them in disbelief. "Who has a beautiful vulva?"

Twilight shrugged and giggled some more. "We don't know. We've only established that mashed potatoes aren't one, and marshmallows are better."

Starlight narrowed her eyes. "I think you two need to go to sleep. And maybe get laid." Then she added, "And the proper answer is, if it doesn't require medical attention, it's beautiful."

Twilight frowned. "Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?"

"If the beholder doesn't have this opinion, he can go fuck himself." This provoked another round of giggles in the two, over which she declared, "Spike! What's your plan with Rarity?"

"Umm. I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"That's a problem. If you were to ask her out, do you think she'd agree?"

He hesitated. "Uh. I imagine she'd laugh and feel really awkward and then something else would rescue her from having to reject me." He stared at his feet.

"Yeah, don't let that stand. There are three basic reasons it might be that you're not already dating. One, you're wrong and she's waiting for you get your guts together to ask. Two, she thinks you're too young and wouldn't accept now but would later. Three, though she cares deeply about you, it's not romantic. Does that sound right?"

Twilight nodded, and then Spike followed.

"So there's a simple solution to all three of these."

Spike's eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"Date somepony else."

"No way!"

Twilight narrowed her eyes. "I can see how it would help him practice asking ponies out… and that it could signal maturity, which would help on two. But three?"

Spike cut in, "You can't be serious!"

Starlight explained, "If she finds that she's possessive of you, that'll pull her towards you, it becomes romantic, and you can switch to her. If she doesn't, then you never had a chance anyway and at least now you're dating somepony else." She ignored his flabbergasted lack of response and pressed on. "Now, Rarity's friends or relatives are out so she wouldn't have conflicting emotions, wanting you to be together for your sakes as a grand sacrifice. So, none of the elements or Sweetie Belle. We want a mare, even if you're into guys that'd just increase confusion…"

"I'm not."

Starlight flowed through "Figured, just wanted to cover all the cases. The mare should preferably be a bit older than you, but she doesn't need to be as old as Rarity, and same age as you is all right too."

Trying to wrap his mind around it, he offered, "So… Scootaloo? She's half a year older than me."

"Sure, if you're willing to risk Rainbow Dash's wrath if it goes badly. Plus, I think she's with Rumble, more or less. Might be an opening there, but it'd be nice to aim a little older. Hmm. Sparkler, Derpy's older daughter?"

Twilight blinked. "I thought Sparkler was her little sister. Derpy isn't that much older than I am, and Sparkler's not that much younger. She started at the school for Gifted Unicorns before I finished. Derpy only raised her because her parents died."

Starlight Glimmer coughed. "That's all true, but I think mother takes precedence over sister. Derpy's mother died three years before Sparkler was born, so she was definitely not her mother."

Twilight's eyes widened. "Okay, so she's the mother… but seriously, Starlight? Also her sister?"

Spike was confused. "How does that even work?"

Starlight Glimmer coughed. "Not long before Sparkler was born, Derpy's father mysteriously ended up stranded on a board stuck in the side of a shrinking, high-altitude cloud fragment drifting out over the Everfree forest. None of the dozens of witnesses claim they can understand just how he got there, and it was mighty strange how every single one of pegasi who found out in time had a wing sprain that day."

Spike figured it out. "What? That's horrible! Really?"

Twilight sat blinking. "Wow. How did you hear about this?"

"Over the years, I've asked around what's the worst thing a pony's done here. Aside from major cataclysms… it's what he did to her. Incidentally, her eye and balance problems started before her mother's death, which is when the trouble with her father started, so at least that's natural, not on him."

Twilight shuddered and stared at nothing. After a few more seconds, still staring off into nothing, she suggested, "Maybe Sweetie Drops?"

Starlight frowned. "Umm, she's practically married to Lyra."

Twilight absently put in, "No, that's Bon-Bon. Sweetie Drops is her mirror pool clone. After I wiped out all the excess Pinkies and sealed it up, she was terrified of me for a while. But Sweetie Drops has been around long enough to be her own pony."

Spike offered, "Lily Valley, maybe?" In response to Starlight's lack of recognition, he clarified, "Roseluck's youngest sister? I mean, she's in the right age range, but I'm not in love with her."

Starlight lifted a hoof and jabbed it in his direction. "And that's right, Spike. Normally when you date a pony, it's before you fall in love. And there's Marble Pie."

"No way. Limestone terrifies me."

Starlight chuckled. "Fair enough. Now, here's the thing. This is not a short-term plan. Get to know these ponies better, with no urgency. After a month, think about asking one of them out. If you get good chemistry with one, go ahead and move sooner, but do not force it."

Twilight asked, "Starlight, when did you get to be such an expert? I haven't seen you even look at a stallion as long as you've been here."

Spike laughed. "Seriously?"

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Trixie."

Starlight snickered. "Actually… yes, we once, umm, snuggled a bit more closely and intensely than friends normally would. But we only got far enough to figure out that she's straight after all, and I… well, I am effectively not much of anything now, but tending towards straight. Not that I deny that we still snuggle sometimes, but we've backed off to friendly. Past that, though, Twilight's right. I've been… not so interested since leaving Our Town. There was a guy there, and… well, one day he was missing and his cutie mark was gone. So either he died or ran away. Kinda soured me on that. I know, it's been years and years."

"Wow, I didn't know you'd been in love."

"Love? Well, he was really nice, and the sex was amazing, but I'm not sure we were in love. Maybe? It hit me a bit too hard for it not to have been love, I guess. Still, it might be time to move on. I tried Sunburst, we all know how that went, but I couldn't gather up the heart to try after that burned."

Spike suddenly said, "So, want to go on a date?"

Starlight almost choked. "I, uh, Spike. First off, I'm five years older than Rarity, so we wouldn't be bending but smashing the Hoofner rule. But more importantly than a bit of offhand math made up by a pervert… we live together."

He sighed. "Yeah, what if it's a bad date, then what."

"Well, if it's a bad date we laugh it off. No, I'd be worried it'd be a really good date, and only after we shift from friend to lover that it gets fouled up. Plus, I know why you're doing this, which kind of ruins it."

Twilight put in, "Doesn't that make this whole enterprise dishonest?"

"Not really? I don't think any pony in Ponyville would be surprised if Spike dropped them like a hot potato if Rarity cut in. The difference is, we've had this conversation. If just you had talked this over with Spike and he asked me, well, there'd still be the age difference thing, but aside from that I'd work, sure. Now… I've seen too much of what's behind the curtain. Romance is all about mystery and ambiguity and here we are having this frank strategic discussion. If we went out, that would be a lie, not to me, but to Rarity and anypony who was watching. Unless it was simply a dating lesson, not even a real date. But that's not the effect that we're going for with this strategy, so, just, no. Unless… you're throwing my plan away and found this all made me so attractive that you want me, forget about Rarity." At his derisive snort, she nodded. "Right, not that. But Spike, I'm proud of you for asking."

He sighed and got up. "Thanks. I'll see about trying your plan out. This has been the weirdest conversation ever."

As his footsteps faded down the hall, Starlight asked, "Did Flurry say something that got you going?"

Twilight's eyes widened. "What? What would…? Well… why?"

"Not your best alliteration. Anyway, she dropped a doozy on me yesterday."

"Oh?"

Starlight swallowed. "Well. She complimented me. On my labia. She actually asked me if other mares get jealous."

"Oh! Umm, what about them?"

"I accidentally let them unfold. They're… unusually large. Enough that if they come un-folded, and you're looking at just the right angle, you can see them even if I'm just standing there."

Twilight frantically attempted and failed to think back to any time she'd seen that. "I see."

"When I was little, it was even more pronounced. One of the reasons I was so upset about Starburst leaving was because he was my only friend, because every other foal called me elephant-face-butt."

Twilight suppressed laughter. "Wow. Sounds like a good time to take up wearing a dress."

"They all knew, it was too late. Anyway, I couldn't wear a dress due to being an active filly, and I couldn't wear anything tight because if I don't keep it aired out, it gets… swampy."

"Oh, Starlight, I'm so sorry."

She shrugged. "It's not a big deal now - I just accordion them up and magic them to stay put, which usually works, and it's normally all good. But as a filly… I wonder whether that helped fuel my desire for conformity. What about you? Did Flurry trigger that whole shouty thing?"

"Yeah, yeah, she said something. I'd like to keep it private between her and me, though. Birds and bees stuff."

Starlight nodded. "Sure."

"… How okay is it to really look? And to ask to look?"

"Like, in general, or are you asking?"

Twilight had only meant in the abstract, but the offhoofedness of Starlight's offer startled her. "Ummm."

"I guess that means both. Well, then…" As her answer, she turned around most of the way and raised one leg to the side.

"Wow, that is pretty impressive. Like you said." Restoring eye contact, Twilight asked, "Should… I, too?"

Starlight shrugged and lowered her leg. "If it'll help you feel better."

Twilight stood and took a wide stance. Then she made a pair of magical reflections guiding the image to her face as she looked down under her body. "Huh. It's…" I don't know how it compares to other mares other than Starlight, a self-described oddity, but for me it must be totally normal: I've had it all my life. It's me. Literally a side I've never seen before. And it's strange. "Never really seen it before. It reminds me of the inside of an ear, a little. There's a lot going on in there."

Starlight took a quick look. "Looks perfectly fine to me. Okay, how about I head on up while you get to know yourself?"

Twilight nodded and spent a little while prodding and pulling herself. It felt weird to actually acknowledge that part of her body, but not bad.

She went to bed, and her thoughts turned back specifically to the dream she had woken from. Shining Armor… huh. We shouldn't do anything, but chances of that are low enough it's not worth worrying about. I don't really find him repulsive as I understand most siblings do. Oh Celestia I just remembered that one time I assumed we'd get married later on and said that in class. I almost died of embarrassment. But anyway, I wonder why that repulsion didn't hit me. He's actually rather attractive. Ah well, not like it matters.