Alone in the World

by P0nies

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1922

Sometimes, even in a world of love, there are those who sleep alone.

Even in a world of love, there are those ponies who sleep alone, and go on their days alone. Where is the love, when it is all around you?

Published 2012-08-10 16:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-10 16:54:01 UTC

Without One

The moon had risen high into the night sky, casting a blue glow over the land of Equestria. Stars twinkled in the heavens as ponies slept, and the surreal moonlight lit the way for anypony out at this time of night. Most everypony was asleep, but one pony lay awake in the dark of the night. Twilight lay in her bed, a blanket imbued with Rarity's love draped over her. A pillow cradled her head and held the many thoughts that flowed through her mind, as tears flowed off of her pristine lavender coat and darkened the pure white pillow where they fell. Life had been taking a toll on her morale, and she was far over the point where most ponies would have broken down. She just felt so alone in this world. The strangest thing about it though was the fact that she felt alone in a world of millions. It wasn't just being alone that took a toll on her heart, but a lack of love.

Even in a world where love is around every corner, there was always a nagging sense of her being the odd one out. The one who didn't get loved, that's what she thought of herself. Twilight had seen even the younger fillies experience more love than she had, even if it was no more than just a touch. She wanted something more than just a friend, she wanted a pony who would always be there for her no matter what. Through thick and thin, and til death would they part. She needed somepony who cared for her just as much as she would come to care for them. It seemed as if there was nopony in this world who would possibly care for her, and that strained her heart more than she wanted it to. It was absolutely terrifying for her to think of being in this world alone, when others move on and settle down. Why was it that she hadn't found at least somepony who she thought would be that one colt for her? Almost all of her friends, except for Rarity who still sought after a colt in royalty.

Smarty Pants, one of her closest friends since she had been a small filly, rested at the foot of her bed. The eye still hung loosely by a string, threatening to fall off with every move of his body. Smarty Pants became enveloped in a purple aura as Twilight held him in her magical grasp. He gingerly floated over to her, tears making their way down her cheeks. Looking at her foalhood friend right in the eyes, she released her magical grasp and pulled him in tight to her beating heart. It was a magical thing to have something as simple as a teddy bear that had lasted through the ages and could warm your heart at the same time. He had always been there for her. When she left her parents on the train for Canterlot to enter the School for Gifted Unicorns, he was there to dab away at the tears that would run down her cheeks. He was the one thing that helped remind her that there was hope for a better future. But now that she held him, she could only wish for a future that wasn't alone. In her heart, Twilight felt like there was no hope for her to truly meet some other pony who would love her, and that she could love back.

“I love you Smarty Pants...” Twilight whispered as she took breaths through her sobs. His suede material soaked the tears that flowed freely from her eyes as she looked back on her life, and about finding her true love.

“I love you too Twilight...” Smarty pants whispered back to her.

Twilight's eyes shot wide open, and her lips stood slightly parted. Tears ceased to flow from her eyes as she slowly looked down towards the stuffed animal in her hooves. “Did you... you just... talk?” She asked him, not expecting the plush to reply to her question.

“Of course Twilight, you can hear me. Can't you?” He told her with a deep voice that resonated and echoed dully in the hollowed out tree.

Her eyes stayed locked on what seemed to be a lifeless stuffed animal. But somehow, he had managed to speak. It could have easily been Twilight's own imagination, but it seemed to real to be something created within her own subconscious. It could have been a number of things, but all that she knew now was that she had somepony else to talk to, and she wouldn't have to place her troubles upon her friends. Every time she tried to talk to them about something, they always assumed that they needed to talk first and give their 'masterful' insight for her situation. It helped a bit to hear their words of support, but she needed somepony to listen. Just to listen... she thought to herself.

“Twily...” Smarty Pants spoke up, “I am here if you want to talk. I don't want you to feel bad about yourself or anything, so I am here to listen, or talk if needed.”

“But... How did you know I just wanted somepony to listen?” Twilight asked. “Only if you were a complex manifestation of my subconscious would you know exactly –”

“Twilight,” Smarty interrupted, “I have known you longer than most ponies have known you. That should count to knowing how you think, if anything.”

Twilight let out a sigh of defeat. “That's true... I never thought of that. Are you sure you want to listen to me?”

“You don't have to even talk, we can just sit in silence. It is all up to you.”

Twilight titled her head over to the side and closed her eyes, giving thought as to what she wanted to do. Another deep sigh escaped her lungs as she chose the path she wished to walk on. The path she chose was that of both silence and the road of speech. It was just a matter of picking which to start with, and that was a truly difficult scenario. There was so much that she wished she could talk about, but wasn't sure about; there was also the things that she needed to talk about as well.

“Well Smarty Pants,” Twilight started, “I don't know what to think anymore. I want to love somepony, but I don't want to put my heart out there to get broken. It's just not logical to try and love somepony when you don't know if they love you back. It's like what happened with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, I don't want that to happen to me. I want to love, but it doesn't seem like the logical time to do such a thing.”

Twilight's mind went back to the memories of who were one good friends, and had even once loved one another. Rainbow Dash and Applejack loved each other. That they truly did, but over time they had let the minor things get under their nails. Applejack's brutal honesty, and Rainbow's arrogance. In time, it had gotten the best of them and they eventually broke the bonds they had once forged in love. Now, they rarely spoke to each other and could barely stand the others presence, blaming their painful splitting on the other. That was what Twilight feared most about loving somepony, was the pain. She didn't want to have to go through what Applejack or Rainbow had gone through, but she didn't want to be alone in the world. There would always need to be some sacrifice for what you want, even in that is leaving the comfort zone.

Twilight turned her head towards Smarty Pants, cracking open her eyelids to reveal a sliver of her gleaming, purple eyes. “I don't know anymore Smarty... I thought I loved somepony once. I really did, but I was too scared about what could have happened to tell her how I felt. It felt weird thinking about it, and it does feel weird to say that I felt an attraction towards a mare, but it is just how I felt. And inside, I still feel that way. It is just so strange that I am attracted to the same gender, when I really should be attracted to colts. Sometimes I just don't even know...”

“It's okay Twilight, just remember I am here. If you need to talk about it some more, just keep talking,” Smarty Pants replied in a calm, and almost relaxing, tone.

“Sometimes I just wish I could have told her about how I truly felt. But I was scared about what that would do to our friendship, and since she was one of my first friends here in Ponyville, I didn't want to lose her. She always made me feel comfortable with what I was doing, and she always gave me the space I needed. She was always so unbelievably sincere and caring to me, but that was what was to be expected of her. That's just the pony she was. If I would have taken the jump that day, and actually told her, how different would that make how I am today? Could I have saved myself the pain of my predicament here and now, or would I have jeopardized our friendship?”

“You never know anything until you try, Twilight,” he told her. “If she is your real friend, she will get over what you say in time even though it may sting initially. You may not have noticed Rainbow Dash and Applejack through your sorrow, but they are becoming better with each other. Time. Time heals even the deepest wounds, Twilight.”

“I... guess it does,” Twilight whispered. “I just fear for what may happen, instead of looking forward to what could happen. I just don't want to be alone anymore, Smarty Pants. And right now, you were all I needed. I just needed somepony that I could truly confide in. And for that, I love you. And because of you, I may be able to tell her how I really feel, but only when the time is right. Now isn't the best time for her, especially after her little Angel passed away recently...”

“Have you ever considered the fact she may need somepony to listen to her, rather than talk to, as I did for you?”

“I never thought of it that way,” Twilight said with a new idea forming in her mind. “Mental checklist, Item number one: Listen.”

Twilight closed her eyes, pulling and hugging Smarty Pants close to her chest. Now she had hope for her future, the new found wisdom from Smarty Pants clinging to her mind. She could never know what could have been, or what could be without actually putting herself out there in the first place. As her chest bobbed up and down in a steady pattern, a snore echoed from her mouth as she fell into a peaceful slumber. On the outside of her window was the silhouette of a pegasus, the rhythmic pumping of the air around the wings barely audible from inside of the home. This pegasus put her fore hooves together excitedly and quietly clapped them together in excitement, a quiet squeal emanating from her throat.

“I'm glad I could have helped, Twilight,” the pegasus said as she flew away, her voice slowly changing from the deep voice of Smarty Pants to the sweet and innocent voice of a pony in love.