Alex Jones saves Twilight from evil globalist man.
Twilight was just existing one day reading another one of her dumb books.
“Twilight! Why do you just sit there all day reading your dumb books!” politely asked Spike.
“They aren’t dumb! They make me smarter… I think. Just trust me on that one.” Was Twilight’s reply.
“Twilight this isn’t healthy. You literally sit there all day every day.”
“No, I don’t… I do other things.”
“TWILIGHT! You have literally sat there for 2 weeks straight without moving at all! I don’t even think you were BREATHING! HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?” Spike wholesomely stated.
“Magical alicorn powers I guess, I dunno…”
Then suddenly a portal opened up in the room and Twilight got sucked in.
“WHAT THE FUUU-“ Twilight was cut off from her verbal reaction when the portal spit her out in some dirty alleyway.
She got up and looked around to see Pink Guy crouching on a fence.
“Welcome to Vietnam muthafucka.” Was Pink Guy’s glorious words of wisdom.
He then snapped his fingers Thanos style and disappeared.
“Welp… that happened.” Twilight then walked until she reached the street only to see soldiers in communist uniforms pestering random people walking by.
“CITIZEN! Have you seen any talking ponies walking around?”
The citizen slowly turned his head to look at the soldier and said a complex “No.” in the most depressing tone possible.
“Why do they want to arrest ponies? What have we done?” Twilight asked herself in her head.
Her other personality (cuz she’s insane) said “Because they want your ramen noodles.”
“NOOOOO NOT MY RAMEN NOODLES!” Twilight shouted in agony into the air. That was a mistake because all the Vietnamese soldiers turned and looked at her.
“STOP RIGHT THERE!”
She did the opposite of what they commanded and ran back down the alley. They began chasing her. She ran, and ran, and ran for what seemed like forever in the impossibly long alleyways until she reached a brick wall. Then she remembered.
“Oh yea, I can fly!”
With a flap of her wings, she was off. As she flew above the buildings she could hear gunshots.
“What are those loud noiAAAAHHHH!” Twilight screamed as a bullet went through her wing and caused her to crash onto a rooftop building. A helicopter landed on the same roof she was on and a man in a black suit stepped out.
“Well, well, well… what have we got here?” said the man with a smirk.
Then suddenly there was a bright light in the sky and Twilight could see a figure float out of the light.
“Is… is that… Pony Jesus?” she wondered.
Nope. Better.
The figure did a flip in mid-air and crash landed on his feet on the roof.
It was…
“ALEX JONES??” the man in the suit shouted in surprise.
A shirtless man with a chest way too large for his body stepped forward.
“You must have been drinking too much chemical water if you think you can make me disappear…” he said in a deep, manly, but also raspy voice.
He smirked. “Now… prepare to witness true TEXAN POWER!”
He began doing a manly scream and started glowing like Goku.
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” Alex Jones was now glowing a gold color.
He opened his fist to spawn 7 gay frogs all with beards and soy faces. He then threw them at the Vietnamese man, but he spawned a shield and blocked them.
He wagged his finger with a smirk. “You may be powerful Mr. Jones, but can you block this?”
The man snapped his fingers and a Thanos glove appeared on his hand. The glove only had the yellow gem (Mind powers) though.
He snapped his fingers again and tried to enter into Alex’s mind. The results were disappointing.
“How… how are you able to resist this? That’s impossible!”
Alex Jones took off his wig to reveal that he was wearing a tinfoil hat the whole time.
They both floated up into the air and did some epic anime battle I’m too lazy to write.
Twilight looked up in amazement. “Why can’t we have epic battles like this?” she very briefly wondered.
Just like any other predictable MLP episode/story, the bad guy lost. The man fell back onto the rooftop and Alex landed in front of him.
“You cannot defeat the true American spirit! 1776 WILL COMMENCE AGAIN!”
Like a true man Alex swooped down and pulled the gauntlet right off the man’s hands and plucked the yellow infinity stone out. He then ate the stone.
“Grrr… YOU HAVN’T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!” The man chanted some satanic globalist words and faded out of existence.
Alex Jones looked around and saw Twilight with her broken wing.
With his pure testosterone levels, he was able to gather enough power to instantly heal Twilight’s wing with just looking with his manly eyes.
“Welp, I gotta speed keed.” He then began screaming again and teleported back to his base.
Twilight, while thankful that this mysterious (and sexy) man saved her, still didn’t know what the hell just went on. Where’s Vietnam? What’s Vietnam?
Pink Guy appeared next to her again. "With a wave of my finger and a flick of my dick, one snap for me will send you home quick. So get on your knees to suck and blow but not right now you have to go!"
Twilight blinked and found her self back in the chair she spent the last 2 weeks in. One of the walls to the room was gone and Twilight turned to see Spike, who has gained a substantial amount of mass since she last saw him, was having a Thanksgiving dinner on the second wall. Why did she allow a dragon to live in a castle ENTIRELY made of crystals? That's a good question.
She would have yelled at him for his misdeeds but she was WAY to tired and weirded out by the previous events so she just collided her face with the top of the table and had a little snooze.
Author's Note
Please for the love of our Prometheus Ben Shapiro do NOT take this fic seriously.
Why did I make this? That's a good question.
