Twilight Writes A Short Story
Twilight wants to write a book. The only problem is, she doesn't have any ideas for books.
Rainbow Dash suggested, "Write a book about me!"
Pinkie Pie blurted out, "Write a book about Big Bertha, my party cannon!"
Rarity gasped. "Write about fashion marestory or fashion history, of course. Not party cannons!"
Fluttershy said, "Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't want to force a writing topic on you."
Applejack laughed. "Easy! Write about apples, the best thing in ALL OF EQUESTRIA!"
Spike said, "What about writing about all those times we saved the world?"
He received several glares.
"Oh, I know!" Fluttershy said. "WRITE A BOOK ABOUT WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW AND CALL IT HOW TWILIGHT SPARKLE WROTE A BOOK!"
"Oops, sorry. Got a little overexcited there." Fluttershy hid under her wings.
"I think… I'll go with Fluttershy's idea." Twilight decided.
"But my idea was twenty percent cooler!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Mine was absolutely fascinating!" Rarity wailed.
Applejack spoke up, "And mine was an original idea about a time-honored fascinating, cool, enjoyable, historical crop!"
"Ahem…" Rarity nudged Applejack. "Apples aren't all they're sliced up to be…"
"And mine was much more fun!" Pinkie Pie pouted protestingly pretty ponderously perilously perfectly, like a puffy piano-playing pitiful pale pink porcine pounding a pizza path with a punching panda party pen, prancing in place with pizzazz, promising a potential premise of poisoned pears, poorly putting piercing pinching pangs of pain in her pony pal Twilight's pelvis.
"Ow." Twilight muttered. "Hip doctor, anypony?"
"My eyes huuurrrtt from all that alliteration. Perhaps…. Ugh. I did it again." Rarity groaned.
"The author is being a passive jerk. Patience is probably prudent." Rainbow Dash turned to glare at Twilight. "Twilight! Quit punishing us, your prim and proper pristine pony pals!"
"Yes! If I sense another word that starts with P, my poor eyes will pop!" Rarity's eyeballs exploded, profusely putting pink problems upon the floor.
Pinkie Pie painstakingly peeled a portion of Rarity's eyes off her pony pal Twilight's porcelain floor.
Rarity groaned again. A pleasant plush purple lounge appeared out of nowhere, and she sank down onto it gratefully. "Please, Twilight!" Rarity passionately pleaded.
Pinkie Pie pranced around, pouncing on party plans in pouches. "Perfect! This is pencil-tastic!" she screamed.
"What's the purpose of pencil-tastic, and why do we all have awful agonizing alliteration dialogue, alicorn?" Applejack asked.
"Simple. I need an editor. It's the second item on my 'How To Make A Book' checklist!" Twilight exclaimed.
Twilight then opened the doors to reveal Derpy.
Yep, Derpy Hooves.
"I hired Derpy as my editor!" Twilight said. "It's because you guys are obviously biased!"
Derpy began editing the text.
"Muffins muffins!" Twilight agreed.
Pinkie Pie muffined to a muffin of a muffin.
Twilight fired Derpy.
Five minutes later, Twilight reappeared.
"I hired Cheerilee as my editor!" Twilight said.
Cheerilee picked up a quill and started editing.
"If you want your recipes to make sense, Pinkie, you must learn arithmetic. Why, the last confection I consumed was unevenly divided." Rarity huffed.
"Hey, Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "If a pegasus is flying at one hundred twenty knots per hour, and keeps accelerating her speed at an exponential rate modeled by the function-"
"That- is enough. I'm not that much of an egghead, am I?" Rainbow Dash asked. "That made me sound twenty percent LAMER!"
"Well, percentages are math." Cheerilee said. "Besides, I have a class of foals to teach some calculus to! See you later!" Cheerilee headed out the door.
"Rainbow Dash! That was going in a great direction until you intervened!" Twilight protested. "Math is awesome!"
"Only to you!" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
Twilight brought in the next editor.
"Discord?" Fluttershy asked. "You answered my request?"
"Yes." Discord snapped his fingers, and the text turned into chaos. "Anything for you, Fluttershy!"
"Pargle mips alorkaname!" Swilight Tarkle shattered.
"Let's have tea!" Shutterfly exploded.
Pinkie Pie pounded pentagonal pi, philosophising. "Pentitriheximal paradigms pushing poorly phrased ponies profoundly perplexes."
Dainbow Rash itchied her rash she had gotten from her cloud allergy. "Qixmel ahuizotl! Orplanot rorfle…"
"Corintium metabisulfite, add some oxygen…" Jppleaack baked pear trees.
Not a good editor! You forgot my quotation marks and made grammar errers. Im firing you. Discord!
Discord snapped his fingers and all returned to normal. Twilight stopped screaming.
"Phew." Twilight huffed, pushing Discord out the door.
"Why not the Cutie Mark Crusaders?" Applejack suggested. "I'm sure they'd be happy to help?"
"Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" Twilight said.
A few short minutes later, Applejack brought Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom into the library.
"Alright, Crusaders! Let's get to work!" Scootaloo shouted. The Crusaders did the Brohoof, then began singing in true MLP FiM fashion.
"Twilight's got some problems,
Twilight's got a fic,
We know we can solve 'em,
So leeeeeett's get to work."
*Rhythmic timpani starts*
*Guitar playing G major chords comes in*
"A little grammar fixing
A little word replacing
A little punctuation
Just a dot!"
*Guitar begins riffing*
"Twilight's got some problems,
Twilight's got a fic,
We know we can solve 'em,
So leeeeeett's keep at work.
Fix this fic in no time at all
Crusaders always on the ball
We know
We know
We know
We can fix this fic
Got those skills
Reading thrills
Got that awesome persistence and power of will!"
"Uh, Sweetie Belle?" Applebloom asked.
"Yeah?" Sweetie Belle responded.
"That last line had too many syllables." Applebloom said.
"Well, improvising is hard." Sweetie Belle whined.
"Crusaders?" Applejack asked.
"Yes?" they replied in unison.
"Y'all need to clean up this here mess." Applejack said. "And you got zero editing done."
After the Crusaders packed up, Rainbow Dash said, "If anypony can solve your positively painful pelvis problem, or absolve your absolutely awful alicorn-y annoying antagonizing alliteration antics and activities, it's Spitfire." Rainbow Dash said. "She's tough."
Spitfire trotted in the door. "Cadet! Drop and give me fifty!"
"You're supposed to be an editor." Twilight huffed in between push-ups.
"And, I'll alter your awful alliteration and alleged agonizing antics!" Spitfire proclaimed.
Then Spitfire hesitated. "Waaait. What weird wacky wild welder waders do you have on?"
Pinkie Pie popped out of a pristine purple powerful power generator disguised as a wall. "Mine, of course! I mean, who needs safety rules?" She held up pale pink plans of ponies playing princesses in a play.
"Alliteration and assonance attack!" Pinkie Pie proclaimed. Pinkie Pie poured puffy pale purple P's upon Spitfire.
Spitfire huffed. "What sort of training session is this?"
Rainbow Dash replied, "We're supposed to be teaching Twilight to not write tons of alliteration in her literary body of work, and to not use unnecessary jargon!"
Spitfire was fired by Twilight. "This isn't editing, this is a workout!" Twilight told her.
Rarity next suggested an editor. "How about Fancy Pants? He recently edited some fashion magazines."
Twilight agreed.
Fancy Pants trotted in, then took one look at the manuscript and immediately added some pictures of what Rarity was currently wearing.
"Photo Finish?" he called.
Photo Finish appeared out of nowhere.
"Oh goodness!" Rarity rushed right to her boutique, returning with rare red royal roses and gowns.
She stuffed all of her friends into several gowns, while Photo Finish took pictures and Fancy Pants pasted them in.
"Uh, thanks." Twilight said. "But this isn't quite what I wanted. I was writing a book, not a fashion magazine."
"Well then." Fancy Pants ripped the pasted pictures out of Twilight's manuscript, taking most of Derpy's edits with him.
"Aand- now Derpy's editing has been reduced to two lines." Twilight announced. "Any more suggestions for editors?"
"You!" Pinkie Pie shouted, sitting down on the manuscript, and pointing at you. Yes, you.
You stretch and stand up on all four hooves, shaking the leaves out of your mane. You were hiding behind a potted plant that made you want to sneeze.
"Who are you?" Twilight Sparkle asks.
"Me? I am nopony and everypony. I am Background Character." You glance at your cutie mark, three lavender circles. You got it by… you don't remember what exactly you were doing. Juggling, maybe.
You shake out your light grey mane again, and brush off your light gray coat.
"What's wrong with your color scheme, darling?" Rarity asks. "So much grey!"
Like eighty percent of My Little Ponies, you are female. Your eyes are dark purple, just like Twilight's.
"Well then, Background Character. Pinkie thinks you'll make a good editor." Twilight tells you.
You get to work, fixing mistakes in the last part of the text. Twilight insists you leave the first few sections alone.
Soon enough, you are done. You did a pretty good job. You return to hiding behind the plant.
Twilight gathers up the manuscript. You watch this briefly, then close your eyes and vanish, to be ready for your next role, wherever it may be.
Spike asks Twilight, "Why didn't you just ask Celestia? Or Luna? Or Cadance? Or Shining Armor? Or your parents?" Spike kept prattling on.
"Everypony else was busy, Spike." Twilight sighed.
Pinkie Pie checks behind the potted plant. "Huh. Background Character isn't there."
"Why didn't you just ask Starlight?" Spike wondered.
"Because then I wouldn't have a story." Twilight replied.
Author's Note
This is a reflection of my own search for an editor. Luckily, I found Legatus. Also, I couldn't figure out how to indent the paragraphs, sorry about that.
