Death Battle X: Trixie Lulamoon vs Zak and Wheezie

by Mega-PoNEO

Rating: teen
Tags: Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Violence, Crossover, Death, Human
Length: 2668

A Kathleen Barr-themed version of the Hercule Satan vs Dan Hibiki DB.

Inspired by the Hercule Satan vs Dan Hibiki Death Battle, one of the wackier ones.

Trixie signs up for a World Martial Arts tournament and finds herself pitted against another Kathleen Barr-voiced character...that's conjoined to a pessimistic dragon. This starts off as a standard martial arts match, but the announcer lets Trixie use her stage magic to make it more exciting. Then Zak, with his constant pessimism, escalates the friendly fight to a life-or-death one.

There's a Human tag because the title character of Caillou also dies as collateral. And speaking of spoilers, I suggest any Zak and Wheezie fans around leave the room ASAP.

Published 2019-05-26 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-26 22:30:01 UTC

1: Enter The Dragon

Author's Note

This is how Trixie's spin dash looks like here:

1: Enter The Dragon

In the stadium of the World Martial Arts tournament, the announcer got on the mic. "Ladies and gentlemen, here comes our beloved pony magician, The Great And Powerful Trixie!"

Trixie entered the stadium, wearing her signature hat and cape. "Eeyup! That's me!" She stood upright and then threw fireworks into the sky which then went off. The crowd began to cheer her. "Now who wants to challenge The Great And Powerful Trixie in her next martial arts match?"

The announcer continued, "We're letting her use her stage magic in this match to make it even better! And here are her challengers, Zak and Wheezie!" A bipedal two-headed dragon with a green right side, Zak, and a purple left side, Wheezie, walked in. Zak's side wore a pendant of an eighth note, while Wheezie's side wore a pendant of a single bar note.

Wheezie gave her signature annoying laugh and yelled "Looooove it! This martial arts match is gonna be lots of fun!"

Zak angrily retorted, "I don't like martial arts! We're gonna get brutalized!" before trying to drag Wheezie away to no avail. Wheezie, insisting on challenging Trixie in a martial arts match, broke Zak's bailout attempt with a single step towards Trixie. Zak and Wheezie both tripped on the ground as a result.

The crowd booed. "Boo! Dragon Tales is old news! It's a forgotten baby show that no longer makes new episodes, nor did it get any sequels or movies!"

Trixie commented, "Ha ha! Nice moves, foalish dragon! How about you ring yourself out?"

Then one person cheered Zak and Wheezie as they got back up. "Woo! Yeah, Zak and Wheezie. Roast Trixie and become relevant again! Martial arts! Martial arts! It's almost time for martial arts! Come along, take my hand! Let's all watch some martial arts!" One of the crowd members beside him then hit him in the face with a frying pan. "Oh...I like little ponies..." The Zak and Wheezie fan then fell over stone cold.

Zak began to give off his usual negative demeanor. "Wheezie, did you hear that? We've gotta get out of here. I don't like martial arts! They're dangerous, promote aggression, and get people and dragons killed!"

Wheezie replied, "Calm down, Zak. We're just fighting a little pony in a safe martial arts match, so it can't be harmful. But she stole my voice actor, so I'm gonna steal said actor back after I win this match! Let's make Dragon Tales relevant again!"

"Safe? A martial artist got turned into a jukebox earlier! You don't want us to become a jukebox too, right? She's a magician!"

Trixie replied, "Don't be so worked up about it! The Great And Powerful Trixie turns stuff into teacups, not jukeboxes. Come on, show Trixie what you've got and we can both agree that greatness breeds greatness!"

Wheezie retorted, "You wish, chump! I hope you're ready for a beating!"

Zak added, "And make it as fast and brutal as possible! I don't wanna be a teacup!"

Trixie told Zak, "Keep in mind, Trixie is the highest level unicorn. Muhahahahaha..."

The announcer declared, "Now, let the games begin! FIGHT!" Then he hit a gong to signal the start of the match.

Trixie and the pair of Zak and Wheezie rushed towards each other, exchanging normal punches and kicks for a while. Trixie mixed bipedal and quadrupedal poses for her various mixed martial arts strikes while Zak and Wheezie threw slower, easily-telegraphed punches and kicks, all of which Trixie either dodged or parried. Eventually, Trixie gave the negative Zak a knuckle sandwich with a jumping Shoryuken uppercut, knocking him and Wheezie straight up into the air before meteor smashing them straight down with a forehoof, pulling out a wand, and pogo jumping on their back three times with the wand.

The announcer declared, "Trixie must be a true Street Fighter."

Then Zak and Wheezie turned themselves into a ball with their scales acting as barbs on the front, top, back, and bottom, but not on the sides. They then started rolling right toward Trixie the moment she landed far away from them.

"Sweet Celestia!" Trixie dodge rolled away from the spiked "Dragon Ball" multiple times and realized Zak and Wheezie could hardly steer themselves as a ball. While Trixie had previously took the time to train with her ball form, Zak and Wheezie never did, so the dragons couldn't aim it very well. Trixie then threw cards at the dragon ball. The cards just bounced off the ball and embedded themselves in random walls. Then the ball got stuck in a wall. "So sorry about that projectile-deflecting ball form. Two can play at that game!" Trixie then charged up her own Spin Dash, becoming a blue oval with her magic aura surrounding her and her hat and cape staying on.

The announcer declared, "Trixie's gotta go fast! And she's having a ball with her finishing move!"

When she finished revving up, she became spherical and rammed Zak's and Wheezie's ball form in one of the non-spiked sides, which knocked Zak and Wheezie out of the wall and back into their normal form. Zak got mad and charged up his fire breath. "Burn!" He then shot plenty of small and poorly-aimed fireballs at Trixie, all of which she easily dodged while still in her ball form.

The announcer continued, "Zak and Wheezie are even worse aims than Stormtroopers!"

Wheezie slapped Zak's face in response to his attempt to kill Trixie. "Stop it, Zak. Martial arts tournaments like this are for fun, not killing!"

During this window of safety, Trixie rolled right into Zak and Wheezie again to knock them over, rolled away from them, dispersed her magic aura, unfurled back into pony form, pulled a bucket of water out of her hat, and threw the water onto the fire resulting from the fireballs shot at her. She then threw the empty bucket onto Zak's head. Zak bellowed, "Who turned out the lights?!?" He then began to run around wildly with the bucket on his head, dragging Wheezie along. Trixie then began throwing more cards at Zak and Wheezie, causing them to dance funny from the repeated hits. "Ouch, ouch! What is this pony hitting us with?!? Let's get out of here!"

One of the cards got stuck in Wheezie's left palm. "Ouch!" Looking at the cards, she told Zak exactly what was hitting both him and her.

Zak then used his and Wheezie's wings in an attempt to fly away, but two more cards from Trixie easily cut Zak's and Wheezie's wings off, since said wings were bird-like and therefore weaker than typical dragon wings. When the wings fell off, Zak and Wheezie fell and did a faceplant. Trixie quipped, "Let's see you fly without those! Unlike you, my best friend Starlight doesn't need wings to fly."

The announcer declared, "Zak! Wheezie! Trying to bail?!? No! You're not going anywhere until either you or Trixie is knocked out!"

Zak replied, "It better be Wheezie, or else both she and I are going to be a jukebox-"

Trixie stepped on Zak's head. "Teacup."

"-for the rest of our lives!"

Trixie bellowed, "The Great And Powerful Trixie is gonna knock you out!"

Zak grabbed Wheezie's head and used it as a club to knock Trixie off his head. Trixie flew through the air from the impact, screaming while various magician props spilled out of her cape: Namely, a top hat, a saw, a cutting box, and lots of markers and foam balls. She then hit a wall and fell down dazed. Zak then began to charge up another fireball for a long time.

The crowd began to eat popcorn in response, and the announcer bellowed, "How long is this charged-up fireball going to take?!?"

Trixie got up just in time to see Zak shoot a surprisingly small and slow-moving fireball at her. This was the best Zak could shoot now, having used up most of his fire breath energy in the fireball barrage from earlier.

Yelling "Eep!", Trixie lit up her horn in fear, then when the fireball got close enough, her magic aura engulfed and evaporated it with a fart noise.

The announcer commented, "Astounding! Who knew the secret to countering such an attack was to act like a coward?"

"YES! Wait, what? It was my Great And Powerful magic that destroyed the fireball!"

Zak and Wheezie then got back up, picked up a nearby hat, and pulled an ordinary rabbit out of it which Trixie then turned into a red-eyed killer rabbit. As the rabbit punched and gnawed on Zak and Wheezie, Zak tried to swat it away by flailing his arms at it, but ended up beating himself and Wheezie up. After Zak and Wheezie punched themselves enough times, the rabbit picked them up, jumped into the air, span them like a pizza, grabbed their tail, and did a metronomic man mash on them that only stopped when Wheezie roasted the rabbit with a single fireball. This also burned Zak's and Wheezie's tail in the process. "Our tail!", yelled Zak. "We could use more water-" Trixie then splashed more water on the tail to put it out. Wheezie thanked Trixie for it, but Zak was ungrateful. Charging up a powerful punch, he yelled "I'll blow you away" and charged forward with his green fist extended. Trixie instinctively threw her empty water bucket onto Zak's fist. Zak also failed to notice Trixie telekinetically grabbing some of the balls on the floor and placing them on the floor in his and Wheezie's path, then rolling out of said path. Zak and Wheezie tripped on the balls first, then on the markers before falling down and landing on the bucket covering their fist. Zak and Wheezie struggled to get their fist out of the bucket, only for Trixie to repeatedly slap their faces and then give them a vicious hoof beating to every side of them.

"Let me help you with that", Trixie told Zak before grabbing the saw, covering Zak's arm in the box, bloodlessly sawing the arm off, standing on her hind legs, and attaching the arm to her left foreleg. With the attached arm, Trixie exchanged punches with Zak's and Wheezie's remaining arm, jumped over the tail when they swung it sideways, knocked Zak out stone cold by bringing his stolen arm down onto his head, and punched him and Wheezie in the chest so hard they flew into a wall, collapsed, and couldn't get back up.

Trixie squeed. "Yay! A knockout blow!"

The announcer yelled, "Knockout! The Great And Powerful Trixie wins!"

Zak weakly said, "Wheezie, bring some grilled pony meat to Dragon Land..." before closing his eyes, sticking out his tongue and slumping his head over.

Still slumping on the wall, Wheezie finally got mad and began to charge up another super fireball.

The announcer bellowed, "Hold on, the match is over! Wheezie is so desperate that she's about to cheat!"

Unlike Zak, Wheezie hadn't used up all her fire energy in an inaccurate fireball barrage. "NO ONE HURTS MY BROTHER, NO MATTER HOW NEGATIVE HE IS!" Before Wheezie could spit one last fireball, Trixie detached and threw the severed arm to plug Wheezie's mouth shut, then quickly did the same to Zak's using the rest of the spilled-out magician props.

Trixie ran away from Zak and Wheezie and bellowed, "Stop trying to kill The Great And Powerful Trixie!" Then the pent-up explosive fire energy built up inside Zak's and Wheezie's body.

The announcer commented, "Zak and Wheezie don't look so well. Someone help them, please!" But the entire crowd ignored him except for the Zak and Wheezie fan. Said fan jumped in front of Zak and Wheezie and tried to unclog their mouths to no avail, as Trixie had jammed their mouths shut too tightly.

Trixie added, "Caillou will help, too!" then pulled the despised title character of Zak's and Wheezie's fellow PBS Kids show Caillou out of her hat. Caillou was a bald kid with a blue and yellow hat, blue shorts, a yellow shirt, and red shoes. Trixie then had Caillou perform a CPR motion on Zak and Wheezie. However, that didn't treat their explosive build-up. Zak and Wheezie then literally exploded, taking both Caillou and their fan with them. The crowd then gasped and cheered.

KO!

As Zak's and Wheezie's now-severed heads fell back down, Trixie turned both heads into teacups (green and purple respectively), washed them with more water, and drank Great And Powerful tea from them. Meanwhile, the still-conjoined spirits of Zak and Wheezie were shown in the afterlife signing up for a more mature Dragon Tales reboot.

Zak asked a TV director who lived in the afterlife, "If Trixie comes from an ancient rebooted property, can't we have our show rebooted too? And more mature for the viewers who grew up with us."

Wheezie added, "A new generation of kids will looooove it!"

The director said, "Sorry, but no one's interested in you two anymore. Your original fans have mostly grown out of, let alone forgotten you. A more mature Dragon Tales reboot would most likely alienate the original show's target demographic of preschoolers. And besides, today's dragon fans like the How To Train Your Dragon franchise now. In other words, nostalgia alone won't carry the reboot like it did My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a show which would grow with its audience! Speaking of that, Generation Five of My Little Pony is just around the corner. FiM's game-changing influence on the franchise, as well as the brony fandom, will continue from then on. And besides, you two argue way too much, and Kathleen Barr fans love Trixie WAY more than Wheezie. Where are the Dragon Tales conventions? Oh wait, there have never been any." With that, the director pulled out a soul-blasting rocket launcher and aimed it at Zak and Wheezie.

Zak and Wheezie, having never seen a rocket launcher, asked together, "What does that do?"

"This!" The director fired his weapon, destroying the dragon spirits in a massive explosion. "Trixie, thank you for being much better than Wheezie. You have a bright future ahead of you, including good brony-friendly video games based on My Little Pony..."

Back at the stadium, the announcer excitedly bellowed, "WHOA! Trixie put the pwn in pony! She punched Zak and Wheezie so hard that they literally exploded and turned into two teacups! Trixie, what is your name for that finisher?"

Trixie replied, "The Great And Powerful Trixie calls it the Falcon Teacup Punch."

"What a Great And Powerful finishing move! And the winner is...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" Trixie happily waved to the crowd, flaunting her victory with a victory dance.

The crowd cheered again. "YEAH! TRIXIE IS THE GREATEST AND MOST POWERFUL KATHLEEN BARR CHARACTER! And she doesn't need an annoying laugh, or anyone literally conjoined to her (though she is inseparable from Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer nowadays). Wheezie was a bad martial artist period! No one's ever going to bring her back, let alone anyone from Dragon Tales! It doesn't have an upcoming reboot unlike My Little Pony! Dragon Tales will never be relevant again!"

Trixie then quipped, "Eenope. Zak and Wheezie couldn't stomach this fight, let alone hand-le The Great And Powerful Trixie. The Trix to them going out with a bang came from within. One thing's for sure: They never had the show-stopping ability of The Great And Powerful Trixie, and they never will! Anything they could possibly do, I can do better!" She then gave a happy wink and threw more fireworks into the air. "Even after my show, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, ends, enough fan support will let me be a major part of the My Little Pony franchise's fifth generation and beyond. Thank you, all bronies who supported The Great And Powerful Trixie."

THE END