There's an old saying from where I came from: If the blinds aren't closed in the morning? Murder the person responsible for their heresy. The light of the sun burned into the back of my eye-sockets, causing my head to pound with a mild headache. I tried to roll over to flee from the wretched light, but something held me in place. It was large, clung to me like a leech, and made cute sounds whenever I moved. Regretfully, I had to open my eyes to see what's attached to my body. Suffice to say, I didn't expect a cute pony with her muzzle buried into my neck, and arms and legs wrapped around my body as tightly as possible to be the "leech" in question.

I tried to recall the events leading up to my current predicament. Apparently, after arriving at our new apartment last night, I forgot to buy Angel Blade her own bed, so I invited her to share mine. What happened next was an affectionate mare attempting to murder me with non-intimate cuddles, nuzzles, and snuggles, and I loved every second of it. Bite me! Before long, we both passed out in each other's arms. She made her nest underneath my chin while I used her wings as a blanket. It was one of the best nights of sleep I've had in a long time. I hope I can experience more.

Letting out an annoyed sigh, I grabbed the blinds with TK and closed them promptly, then frowned. 'I'm starting to get a little worried about how ridiculously easy Magic seems to be, or rather. How much information Q dumped into my head?'

I understand to concepts of Spacial Entrapment of Mana Frequencies, The Theory of Auric Conservation, The difference between Elemental Combination and Transformation, The Harmonic Destiny Hypothesis, and so much more. And that's the Magical side of what he put in my brain! Then there are all the pony-based martial arts crammed into my skull. There are variations of Karate, Taekwondo, Russian Wrestling, Kung-fu, Aikido, Tai-chi, Judo, Boxing, kickboxing, even names I've never heard of before!? Like, what the hell is Pone-qi? Or Wrath of the Whiskey Queen? Wait, I kinda' like the sound of that one. It sounds fun.

I guess I understand why Q put all that junk in my brain. My current body used to be the evil overlord of the Crystal Empire. It wouldn't make sense if he didn't know how to defend himself from his opposers. However, there is a difference in knowing how to fight and just book-knowledge. Back in my past life, I wasn't a slouch when it came to street fighting. I lived in a bad neighborhood when I got kicked out of the house when I turned sixteen. Gangs or random strangers would often pick fights with me whenever I came home from work, which is why I was fucking pissed that I died to a fucking mugger of all people!

I never learned martial arts in my past life. I relied mostly on reading the situation, prediction, and reaction. More often then not, I woke up in a ditch with several cuts, bruises, or a broken limb. Playing dirty against my opponents was the strategy that saved my ass more times than I can count.

Several years of defending myself earned me a name on the street. The Sleeping Wolf of 1st Ave; don't wake him up and he'll leave you alone. I'm a little proud of it since everyone knew that aside from work, fighting, or the odd theft every now and again, I was a lazy person. If it wasn't my problem, (unless it was a woman), then I wouldn't butt in. But if you did, then expect a brick in the face after I blinded you with road gravel, followed by pummeling the unlucky victim into a bloody pulp. No one got in the way of my Japanese Hentai Games!

There is no honor in war, only the victor. Hence why I didn't let the Unicorn or Earth Pony even attempt to fight back. I went straight for the kill. My new body's natural strength is what saved my ass last night, and nothing else. Q didn't help me, nor did Angel, but I don't want to rely on a trained military mare to protect me. It will make me look bad, m'kay.

'I'm going to need to practice later,' I sighed inwardly. 'Argh, so bothersome. I hope Angel will keep me on a schedule. Sparring with her will help the "Princely" image I'm creating at least. I'd rather sleep in.' With that final thought in mind, I buried my muzzle in Angel's platinum-blond mane. Another hour of sleep sounded lovely right now.

"Ahhhhh!" screamed a frightened woman. The next thing I knew was minor pain, then the "pomf" of a pillow impacting my dazed face. I found myself on the floor, upside down leaning against the wall. Thankfully, my tail covered my stallion-bits. 'Living in a nudist society is tiresome. Ah! My normal personality finally kicked in. Cool.'

"W-Why a-are-are you in-in m-my bed!?" stutter-demanded the upside down Angel Blade blushing redder than a shipping crate filled with tomatoes, her wings had their iconic wing-boner too. I stood back up with a yawn and put the pillow back down on the bed.

"One: you are in my bed, and Two: you decided to use me as a teddy bear," I replied bluntly before hopping back onto the mattress. "Now, come back to bed. It's too early to be throwing stallions around and screaming in his ears."

"W-What!? You can't!" she squeaked loudly out. I turned to her to give her my legendary raised brow of, "Oh really?"

"Why?" I drawled, not understanding her reasoning.

"You have work!"

"Oh," I blinked dumbly before encasing myself in a cotton cocoon. "I'm the General Manager. I can be late."

I felt my entire body collide with the floor again. "No! Get up, shower, and out to work!" she insisted. I responded by curling up on the floor.

"Nah."

"Honestly! For a Prince, you sure are lazy!" she mocked.

"Guilty as charged. Now, shoo. The dreamworld is calling to me."

She picked me up with her deceptively strong hooves and tossed me out the window. I didn't think I was getting any more sleep that morning. Angel won this round, but I will win the war!

I walked into my place of work with a yawn. It had yet to open, but a quick application of TK and the lock on the inside of the door came undone. 'Should think about magical protection later,' I thought, walking into the staff room. I took a quick look around inside the office-like area and there, using the bench as a support, were two ponies. One was a cream-colored pegasus mare with a short red-mane; a Cutie Mark of a red and gold teacup. The other was Coffee Crisp on her back with her legs spread wide open. Guess where the pegasus mare's face was? If you answered between the legs of my boss, then you'd be correct.

Both stared at me with different expressions. The Pegasus had a look of embarrassed horror while my boss looked like she wanted me to join. I ignored them, put on my uniform, and prepared the cafe for business. No one made a single sound during the entire event. Well, except for the "sigh" of disappointment from Coffee. I wouldn't touch her anyway, she's my boss after all, and you never sleep with your boss.

A few minutes later passed by before the duo decided to join me behind the counter. I just finished brewing a fresh pot for the employees like I used to do back on Earth, which Coffee helped herself to almost instantly. Meanwhile, the pegasus mare, who was named Crimson Tea if her nametag was correct, had a permanent blush on her face while she prepped her own station.

I didn't care all that much, to be honest. They are both consenting adults, and they wouldn't be the first couple I walked in on doing the nasty. Hood parties usually had a bitch or two who'd hook up with anyone at said party. I walked in on several girls getting passed around by one or more guys at a time. It is the first time I've walked in on two girls doing it though. I guess that's an achievement.

"Like what you saw?" Coffee smirked from behind her mug. I raised my brow from behind the counter I was cleaning.

"Not the most erotic thing I've seen, nor the kinkiest. You'd need to at least add a few more guys, a couple of hermaphrodites, a tentacle monster, a few loli's, bondage equipment, and maybe excessive amounts of watersports before you'd be able to phase me," I replied simply. Her eyes gained their perverted twinkle again.

"Oh~hh? Is that so~oh?" she giggled naughtily. Poor Crimson's face matched her namesake. Sorry for the torture. "I bet such a sight must have been quite the turn-on. It's a shame I'm only interested in more vanilla things. Speaking of, why didn't you join us? We could have used the extra excitement." Now Crimson was chewing her lip while giving us a shy glance every now and again. 'Really? I'd thought you'd be more hesitant. I'm greatly disappointed in you.'

"I have a strict: "No screwing the Boss," rule when it comes to relationships. It's bad for business," I replied dryly. Coffee gave me a pouty face as the rest of the staff began walking into the cafe.

"Pwees pway with mwee?" she whimpered sadly with a puffy lower lip, flat ears, and sad-eyes.

"Act your age," I flicked her forehead, causing her to wince in pain.

"Boo, you're no fun," she frowned, turning away from me to go to whatever she's supposed to do. I let rubbed my temples for a moment, then straightened my back, lifted my head, and prepared for the Horde!

The coffee pots were brewing, the pastries are on display, mugs cleaned, and my soldiers are getting into position. Today is Tuesday. In other words: A workday. If the Alliance are to weather this storm of workaholics, young adults, and the odd old person, then we'll need to give it our all! I took a deep breath, sucking in the wonderful scent of freshly brewed coffee into my nostrils. Nothing fired me up than the elixir of life that is a medium-roast mug of joe in the morning.

The clock clicked down, second by second. There's a line outside waiting to penetrate the inner sanctum for their good deals and cheap beverages. The dark-purple Unicorn stallion with a short, dark-blue mane standing to my right, gave me a knowing nod. His name is Cosmic Mixture. I turned to my left to find Crimson with her gave face on, and no longer blushing from the event a few minutes prior.

Coffee Crisp walked to the door, and time seemed to slow down to a crawl. Cosmic Mixture gulped, Crimson's wings twitched with anticipation. The "tic-toc" of the clock echoed forebodingly in the cafe. My heart began to beat harder, better, faster, stronger, in my chest. Cosmic's magic flickered, so did mine when Coffee reached the door.

I watched, fidgeting in place, as her hooves reached for the sign next to the door. The blood in my ears sounded like the drums of war on the eve of a grand battle worthy of the Titans praise! I chose that moment to give my companions some encouragement as I feel that neither of them will survive when the gates finally fall to the ravenous barbarians called: Customers.

“War must be, while we defend our cafe against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the delicious coffee for its bitterness, nor the tea for its dryness, nor the brewer for his creation. I love only that which they consume," I said deep from the heart. Both Cosmic and Crimson looked up at me in awe. I pulled them both in for one final hug.

"Stay safe, my fellow employees! Do not let those gluttons in pony-skin take everything that you are! Fight on for the elixir of life that we lovingly craft here underneath this roof!"

I stuck my hoof out, "For Coffee!" The other two did the same with brave smiles.

"FOR STARBUCKS!" we cheered. The door opened, and all hell broke loose.

Author's Note

Another shortish one. I wanted to make it longer, but I couldn't stop giggling at the end. Yes, I laugh at my own story, fight me! The next one will be much longer.

A Mary Sue/Gary Stu is an idealized and seemingly perfect fictional character with no noticeable flaws. Often, this character is recognized as an author insert or wish fulfillment.

For those making this comment. It will be addressed down the line in like....five chapters or so. Also, by this definition, then every ANON stories are all self-insert Mary Sue Stories. Just think about it.