The King of Starbucks

by Nightingale321

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance, Sex, King Sombra, Royal Guard, Profanity, Violence, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 17777

After a mugging gone wrong, I wake up in a strange castle after being "saved" by Q from Star Trek. To make matters worse, the local population thinks I'm the lost prince of the Crystal Empire, Shadow Heart. Or to be more accurate: King Sombra.

After a mugging gone wrong, I wake up in a strange castle after being "saved" by Q from Star Trek. To make matters worse, the local population thinks I'm the lost prince of the Crystal Empire, Shadow Heart. Or to be more accurate: King Sombra. However, instead of playing Q's game of being the resurrected evil king of doom hellbent on world domination. I get on a conveniently placed train dropping off my mortal "enemies," and travel south to the land of Equestria.

It's here that I discover the magical concept of friendship, horrible pony puns, cheesy romance, herding, magic, and the wonderful creation of pony coffee. Also, I discovered the true evil of Equestria, and it's just down the street from where I work. It's called Tin Hoovers, and they are the bane of all that is caffeinated with their cheep flavored water they have the audacity to call Coffee!

Art belongs to Evehly
Yay! It's featured. I'm so happeh!

On hiatus until COVID-19 ends...and might get a bit of a rewrite.

I will delete any Political Comments. This is a site for fiction. Not Politics.

Published 2019-05-26 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-28 20:58:40 UTC

Prologue

Memories, they are precious things. Without them, we can't remind ourselves of the good times we've shared with those we hold close to our hearts. Without them, we forget who we are, where we come from, and where we are going. Memories, however, are easily corruptible. They fade with time. They warp from misinformation during recollection. And they cloud our judgment when we need them most.

When one looks back on their life, reminiscing about the past to enjoy the happy moments, they tend to overlook the parts that made them who they are; the pain, the torment, the suffering, and all the other negative things that happened throughout their life. Those moments, as much as we loathe to admit, are what truly make us who we are. One does not become stronger by partying or laughing, nor do they gain a thicker skin by being shielded against what they don't like. To grow as an individual, you cannot run when danger chases you down. You cannot hide when something you fear stares you down. Pain must be familiar to your body, mind, and soul. WIthout that intimate familiarity. When faced with adversity, everything will appear impossible to overcome. Everything will try to bring you down if you try to stand up. And most importantly: Victory will be nothing more than a hopeless dream.

That's all I am now... just a memory. I was nothing more than a small, insignificant thing that couldn't influence the world in any way, shape, or form. Truthfully, when I died, I thought "that's it, this is all I am; a nobody with no skills or notable talent of any kind, dying in a ditch after being robbed for what little I owned. Should've given that homeless man at the park my lunch. He looked like he needed it more."

I wasn't a religious person either, but I did hope that when someone dies. Their souls would find either heaven or hell waiting for them. I think most people, even the non-believers, hope the afterlife would be something than an infinite void of absolute nothingness. It's a comforting wish, but would a deity, god, or otherwise, give such an insignificant speck of life something grand for achieving nothing in his or her life? Probably not. Only those with the will, the drive to be more than themselves would become an angel, reincarnate as a hero, or something else just as grand to continue their mission of generous self-sacrifice. Me? A nobody that treated school as a joke, that prefers to play games rather than work or do something meaningful, and didn't plan for the future? Being reborn as a slug would probably be the best I could get.

It's sad really, having my final thoughts engulfed by a legacy I wouldn't leave behind. Then again, I didn't have much else to think of at the time. I didn't have a family, no friends, relatives, or anyone for that matter. My only notable accomplishments involved reaching the highest tier in ranked multiplayer in a bunch of different games, which doesn't mean all that much, to be honest. Though, I did value what knowledge I willingly chose to study. Understanding military strategy and philosophy helped with all the RTS games I liked to play, like Starcraft and Civilization, but not by much.

Huh, it's funny thinking about my life. The amount of procrastination I've done must have driven my teachers insane. Even as I stared at the white light that usually came with dying, my laziness came to the forefront of my mind. I put off everything until the last minute before rushing to finish my work within hours of my deadline. That always led to mediocre final products of my half-assed effort. If there was one thing I would change in my life, it would have to be my laziness. Though, if there is a heaven or if I reincarnated, I'll try to change that aspect of my life as much as possible. It will be difficult, mostly because old habits tend to die hard. But I have the feeling it will be worth it in the end.

"My, my, my... how melodramatic. And here I thought the God of Angst, Melancholy, couldn't get any more boring!" spoke John de Lancie in my head.

"Great, my last conscious thought alive is Q from Star Trek. I think the blood loss is starting to get to my head," I chuckled weakly. "Though, could be worse. I could have got Castro...or Hitler. Angelina Jolie would have been nice, but beggars can't be choosers."

"Sadly, I'm not too fond of Dictators. They tend to make things too bloody for my tastes. As for Tigress from Kung Fu Panda? HA! In your dreams my little almost dead human," Q said mockingly.

"Almost dead? Damn, how long does it take to die of blood loss? Also, did I at least make it to my car?" I wondered out loud.

"Well, considering your mugger missed all your major organs and arteries, you got lucky in that regard. As for your second question? You did, but you collapsed right next to it with the keys stuck in the hole, which is a shame. You had so much potential, but then you had to get stabbed in the middle of a dark parking lot by a poor sap who didn't have the common courtesy to leave a thank you letter! Cleary the thugs of this world have no class."

"T-That sucks," I chuckled weakly, blood dripping down my chin. The taste of iron was a little unpleasant, but so is cold syrup. I idly wondered if Q was going to offer me a deal in exchange for my soul. Seriously though, I know I should have died by now. So what's taking it so long? The stab wound hurts you know!

"Oh don't be such a baby," Q said with a light pat on my head. "At least you didn't get trapped in stone for over a millennium. Not being able to scratch an itch for over a thousand years is absolute torture!" He paused for a moment. I'm not sure why, Q wasn't known for going silent for no reason whatsoever, but when he did. The entire world went quiet. When he spoke again, his voice lost all its cheer and gained an ominous tone. If I could spare the energy to shudder, I probably would have.

"As much as I wish to joke around and generally be a public nuisance. I do have a reason to be here, and I have very little time to do so. Now, before I get into the nitty-gritty details, I must ask you three questions to determine whether or not to save you."

"And that would be?" I wondered out loud.

"First: What's the difference between Fire and Water?"

Figuring this was some elaborate test to get into heaven, I gave him an honest answer. "Scientifically, Water is the liquid state of matter while Fire is just a chemical reaction. On a philosophical level, Water is the state of serenity and fluidity. Because water has no form, it is considered a near-perfect representation of adaptive change. As for Fire? Fire is both life and death. It's a primordial force of nature capable of great good or destructive evil. Fire can purify food and water, cauterize wounds, and keeps us warm when it is cold. Fire can also turn everything into ash. From trees of grand forests to the very core of the planet. Fire is the blood of all life and creation."

"Second: What is Humanity's greatest flaw?"

"Our will," I replied instantly. "There is something about it that drives us to become something more than what we are. With it, we have achieved feats most thought impossible. With it, we also caused destruction so absolute, life as we know it, can be erased with just a press of a button."

"Interesting," Q hummed thoughtfully. "Now, for your final question: If you were given a choice to sacrifice yourself for the following individuals; who would you choose? The Child? The Mother? The Father? Or...Yourself?"

That's a trick question if I've ever heard one. If you sacrifice yourself for the child, you could either traumatize him or her and cause a long chain of events that will usually lead to revenge and the inevitable death of the child. The Mother will become a widow and forsake her love. Not to mention the potential of her killing herself just to be with you would make the sacrifice pointless. The Father, on the other hand, will do everything in his power to prevent another sacrifice from happening, even to the point of becoming a martyr himself. As for the last one? Suicide is the cowards way out. Period. Anyone who kills themselves to prevent any form of suffering is simply selfish. With all that in mind, I gave him my answer.

"None of the above. They all die in the end anyway. It's better to preserve your own life for as long as possible. That way, you can keep everyone you care about alive a lot longer than by sacrificing yourself. Blood follows blood, and killing yourself will only create a river."

"So did I pass? Cause I really want to die now. The ethereal white light is kinda burning my eyes at this point, and I don't want to wake up in the next life as a blind man."

"Haha."

What?

"Haha. haha."

Oh, God. Please tell me he isn't going to laugh. I've had enough insanity in this life already.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Welp, I'm going to hell. Hopefully, the demons will be a little gentle. A broken Q is a scary Q. And his laugh is insanely terrifying.

"Oh, marvelous! Simply marvelous!" Q chuckled with a clap of his non-existent hands. "I knew one of the most boring individuals I've met would be absolutely interesting! And he deserves a prize!"

"Wait, what? No! No prizes! Just let me die in peace already!"

"And guess what this lucky contestant out of one hundred and eight get?"

"Please, God. I've been a good guy. Sure I procrastinated like hell, did a little crime, I paid my taxes, I recycled and was a decent citizen. Don't let the Devil take my soul. I'll be happy as a slug! Please, don't let Q take me away!"

"A PONY!" Q cheered demonically with happy-go-lucky music playing in the background. "Bon voyage my little human, and enjoy your new life! Don't disappoint!" And with a snap of his fingers, the white light of death came rushing towards me. I screamed a manly scream before I knew no more.

Chapter 1

Something was wrong. I don't know what but I knew it to be the truth. I couldn't tell if it was the air, the sounds echoing around me, or even my own body. It's just that something was telling me to get up from a rather uncomfortable rest and figure out what was the problem. However, as soon as I began waking up from my slumber. I discovered that I felt off. Different, somehow, and the feeling slowly began creeping up my spine, causing goosebumps to form upon my person.

Events began flashing back into my mind as I forced my eyes to open. The memories start when I first woke up last, followed by sounds, images, and all others senses that I've felt throughout the day. I know I got up in my apartment, ate breakfast, showered, drove to work, drove back home, cooked dinner, followed by a healthy dose of video games before I ran out of junk food. I remembered how annoyed I got for running out of cola and decided to walk to the convenience store just down the block. That's when things got worrisome.

I remembered getting my bounty after flirting with the cute cashier working the register. Her name was Sofia. I left her a tip. She gave me her number. Things were shaping up to be a good night. Well, until I realized I left my smartphone in my car.

On route to my Toyota Carola, I noticed someone following me. The person wore all black, had a bandana covering the lower half of his face, and a hood covering his head. I saw him staring at me in the reflection of a storefront window with a knife hidden in the pocket of his hoodie. I was a target, so I picked up my pace. And, unfortunately, so did he.

I made my way into my apartment complex's parking zone, hoping to reach my Carola and acquire my Colt-Comp-1911 from the glove box, but as the scene played out in my mind. That hope died the second I pulled out my keys.

Pain filled my person, followed by a fist connecting with the side of my face. There was no sound, no declaration of intentions, or even a simple warning. My stalker went straight for the kill, took my wallet while my body came to terms with the damage I sustained in the course of a few seconds. I looked up just in time to watch the asshole that stabbed me run off down an alley. I couldn't help but grunt in pain while I tried to get back up, but all my energy left my body.

Groaning in pain, I began crawling towards my car. My smartphone sat located inside, and I needed my cell to call an ambulance. Tears fell down my cheeks as I dragged my body towards the vehicle. Each second lasted for eons. My muscles became weaker the longer time passed. The mugger stabbed by lower back and it felt as though he attempted to disembowel me from behind. Must have been the reason nothing responded all that well.

When I reached the dark-blue car, I tried to prop myself up against the door. Keyword: Tried. I knew I reached the top and shakily shoved my keys into the door, but after that? It's a blur, nothing but shadows, followed by blinding white light, and a disembodied voice that sounded like John de Lancie. After that? Nothing. Just...darkness.

The darkness didn't last long. If I judged the amount of time I spent in the eternal void of absolute nothingness, then it felt like a few hours of sleep. But when I awoke from my involuntary slumber, everything felt wrong. My face felt elongated, my hands felt like numb stubs. Skin felt warmer than usual as if I was wearing a skin-tight suit of fur. Sounds were more pronounced, especially high-frequency noise, which was extremely weird since I had high-frequency deafness. Not only that but through my blurry vision. It appears that I have a near-perfect night vision. However, once my sight became clear, and I stared at the mirror-like wall in the cave that I woke up in. I saw the very reason for the strange sensations I'm experiencing.

Staring back at me was a dark-gray, muscular, pony. The pony in question had deep emerald eyes, epic mutton-chops, a long, slightly-curved horn, thick shoulder-length hair, facial scars, and wolf-like teeth. There was a white diamond in between his eyes, a triangle-shaped chunk missing from his left, husky-like dog ears, and his body—my God his body—was forged and tempered by the Smith Gods of Olympus with a face that could cream any virgin that gazed upon him with a single glance. Also, he was wearing a fur-lined red cape, silver gauntlets, a crown that would make Sauron jealous, and silver armor underneath his cape.

I was a Pony. A handsome Pony. A sexy Pony. A heavily armored wet-dream Pony. A fucking Pony! The very thing that Q said I would become! A FUCKING PONY!

"That fucking asshole couldn't let me die and made me a pawn in whatever his game he's playing. Well, guess what! I'm not playing!" I shouted with my new husky baritone voice to the heavens. "Thank you for saving my life, but the next time I see you. I'm jamming my brand new horse-cock down your fucking whore throat until you die of asphyxiation! You quantum cum-bucket piece of shit!"

With my rage made known, I took off all the clothes from my body before stumbling my way out of the cave. Sure it took me hours to take everything off due to the lack of fingers, and walking was nearly impossible, but I was on a mission! And that mission was to get as far away from the chessboard Q left me on. I will be no one's puppet! I'm a free man...Stallion? Colt? Whatever. And I'm going to play by my rules!

I made a mistake. I made a terrible, terrible mistake. I should have kept my cloak for the blizzard raging outside the cave I woke up in. I thought it wouldn't have been a problem cause I'm a pony, and ponies have fur, but after several miles of walking through the blizzard. I realized that my natural coat doesn't keep me warm for shit.

Now, I could have turned back around to grab my cloak. That would be the smart and rational thing to do. However, I'm a very pissed off Unicorn. Thus, my intelligence grabbed a shogun and committed suicide. That, and turning back around would be a death sentence anyway. I had to keep going, or my brand new life as a super hunky Unicorn will meet an abrupt and cold end.

So here I am, walking through a blizzard in the middle of nowhere, traveling to a city with a pink dome surrounding it. I struggled with the basic concept of walking, my body shivered uncontrollably in an effort to stay warm, and I'm hungry. The thought of food pushed me forever onward. Same with the idea of coffee, especially warm, creamy, medium-roast coffee with two cubes of sugar. My mouth salivated for the elixir of the Gods. I stumbled and fell on my face. The blood on my nose is proof of that, everything hurt, but still. I pushed on.

I thought about my current situation to keep my body going. If I didn't keep my mind active, then the coldness of the blizzard would take me in its icy embrace, and my new life would be over. And I had a lot of things to think about. For one: My body. It took me a few hours to go from falling on my face to a barely drunk hobble. Switching from a bipedal stance to a quadruped was a lot easier than I imagined, but I assumed the reason has to do with Q aiding in my learning processes. It wouldn't shock me too much if that was the case.

Another thing I thought about was the note left on my body. It gave me brief details about my new body, which number I am in his stupid game, as well as my new diet. In order; I am Number One, I'm an evil tyrant named King Sombra, and I can still eat meat while also being able to consume all the foods regular ponies eat. I'm somewhat happy that I can still eat meat, but not because I'M A FUCKING PONY!

I made my rage known before continuing my journey.

Out of all the things he had to transform me into, it was a PONY! A handsome one, but a PONY nonetheless! Not a Dragon, Furry, Dog, or even a Cat! No, a fucking PONY! WITH A CAPITAL 'P!' I fucking hate ponies! They are so dumb, stumpy, and something only rich spoiled brats would buy! They're literally bred to be overpriced pets! Screw you, Q! SCREW! YOU!

After struggling through the blizzard for a few hours, I finally made it to the pink dome. The second I passed through it, warmth washed over my body, relief filled my person, energizing my soul and giving me more strength to continue my journey. Though, as much as I wanted to take shelter in the crystal city located at the heart of the pink dome. That would be a horrible idea. My reasoning for my inability to trust the mysterious city came from the individual known as Q. He deliberately placed me here to be the dark evil overlord hell-bent on taking over the city and becoming the villain for whatever "hero" that would eventually show up to defeat me. I had to figure out how to get as far away from here as soon as possible. My brand new life depends on it. So, with those thoughts in mind, I began walking towards the city.

It's a shame I couldn't stay. The beautiful meadow outside the city limits was quite stunning. All the colorful flowers, the luscious grass, exotic plants, and animals would have made every national park back home look like a garbage dump. When light beamed down on the crystalline petals, they shimmered in all colors of the rainbow. The grass looked like an ocean of gleaming emeralds, and the animals I've seen had coats made of liquid glass.

This world was the definition of fantasy. Not that I had any problems with this world. I only wish I wasn't sent here against my will. My thoughts on the matter did bother me. Most of my journey from the cave to the city were spent thinking of my past, how I died, and how I'm coping with my new situation.

I'm a combination of miffed, shocked, angry, annoyed, and hungry. Miffed at the fact that I died to a mugger, shocked at everything, angry at Q, and annoyed because I'm a pony. And hungry, very, very hungry. These feelings are given in regards to my current situation. I bet most people would feel similarly, but not everyone has the same coping mechanism. And some might not be able to adapt at all and think everything is a dream, or a coma-induced hallucination, or drugs.

I cope the same way my brother does: By rationalizing and accepting myself and the environment. I think, therefore, I am. The pain and blood from tripping in the cave proved I'm not in a dream or coma, and the clarity and consistency of the environment showed I'm not on psychotropic drugs. Even the scar created by the mugger was on my body. That fucking bastard disemboweled me! With a fucking pocket knife! Anyway.

So, I knew everything was real, that I'm not brain-damaged, or on some mushroom-laced weed. I'd never do that again. Way too many Gilbert Gottfried-sounding talking trees that sang covers of every Queen song ever made...In acapella. Never. Again.

Am I sad? No, not really. Will I miss my family? Yes, I will. My brother disappeared a couple of years ago, and we never found him. Unfortunately, the same could be said for me now. Maybe Q kidnapped him as he did me? Hopefully, that isn't the case. If it was then...neither of us could go home, at least, not for long. The government wouldn't allow us to stay with our family for long cause' I doubt talking ponies would do well in modern society. I'll mourn when I have the time, but my family will feel the pain for far longer than I ever will. Many people back home call me heartless due to how I don't hold onto my emotions for long. However, all emotions that involve hate or anger last forever, and my rage is Eternal.

And Q will know my rage when I skull-fuck him to death until he dies.

It didn't take me long before I finally entered the city. I came up to a giant wall made of white quartz that surrounded the city, and a grand gate made of amethyst and topaz laid abandoned on the ground in front of its frame. Looking through the open frame, I saw what appeared to be a marketplace of sorts with a few darkly shaded ponies walking about. None took any notice of me standing dumbly at the opened gate as I peered into their city. Though, if they did, then they either didn't care or were too afraid of me to make their notice known. I'm going with the former. They looked extremely drained of all life. Walking deeper into the marketplace, however, caused a noticeable reaction. If all the ponies stopping in place or what they were doing to stare at me were any indication.

That's when things quickly began to deteriorate.

It happened so fast. First came the screaming, then the running, followed by destroying public property and the grabbing of children, just so the pony population could get away from a guy by the name of King Sombra. A.K.A: Me. I mean, I was the only one to enter the marketplace. Only a mentally retarded fish couldn't make that connection. Anyway.

So there I was, the evil King Sombra, back from the dead to enslave all the cute little ponies. If that didn't sound like a b-rated cartoon villain synopses, then I'm a mentally retarded fish. And want to know what a perfectly reasonable and sane individual would do in this situation? They would either try to dispell the fear of the populace or run away. Want to know what I did?

Well, I found the one pony that didn't run away from me in fear and cornered her into an opened kiosk...Like a rapist or something equally as horrible. I knew the pony I trapped was female by the fact she screamed like one and begged me not to rape her. I'm going to hell, aren't I? Whatever.

The mare in question had a snow-white coat, a platinum blond mane, and a butt-mark of a sword with a silver crystal blade, a crossguard made from a pair of wings, a diamond pommel, and the sword pointed upwards. It kinda' looked like my butt-mark, but mine was a dark-gray crystal heart inside an emerald-green beveled shield with a dark-gray outline. Also, there were two swords crisscrossed behind the shield, but there was an emerald for the pommel instead of a diamond, and the sword blades were black. After my brief observation of my soon-to-be willing hostage, I cleared my throat and introduced myself.

"Female! What's your name and work designation," I ordered the mare with my deep and sexy voice. The mare visibly winced at my request, her body shaking like a leaf in a tornado, and it looked like she was about to piss herself in fear. Did I mention the tears streaming down her cheeks? That to. 'My God it felt like kicking a puppy...that had no legs...or ears...or eyes...or a tail...with aids.'

"A-Angel B-Blade," she replied hesitantly. "Sergeant of-of t-the C-Crystal G-Guard, S-Sir."

'So she's a soldier. Good. She'll know things I'll need to get as far away from the city as possible. Now to make her my willing hostage.'

"Angel Blade?" I purred huskily. Next, I lifted her head with a hoof so that I could look into her stunning silver eyes, followed by softening my gaze. Once I had her fear-filled eyes looking into mine, I continued. "That's a beautiful name. A name perfect for the beautiful goddess standing before me."

The blush on her conflicted face confused me. Like, how does fur change color? It's FUR! Then again, I am in Magical Pony Land, inside a city made completely out of crystal, protected by a pink dome that magically makes it an endless summer within the dome. Nothing makes sense, and now I'm starting to see how irrational the world is! Calm down, take a breath, pretend physics still works, and freak out later. I have work to do.

I continued with my hunky questioning. I had places to be after all, and this crystal city isn't one of them, "So, Private Angel Blade. Can I ask for your assistance? Or shall I get a bit more...Physical with your wonderful body." The sound she made was akin to a squeaky toy getting crushed by a giant boulder, and her face turned completely red. Also, for some strange reason, her wings became fully erect. I gave her a little poke to check if she was alright. "Flop!" Nope, she fainted. "Oh well, I'll carry her for the time being. She'll, at least, make a decent hostage."

Picking up the unconscious mare up, (with my mouth, mind you), and placing her on my back. I made my way back through the marketplace looking for a way out of the city. I tried to find another pony to interrogate for directions, but the second they saw me. They instantly ran away, which was rather rude. I'm not Sombra, or whoever they thought I was. I even came up with a new name based on their naming sense to make myself more approachable. I mean, Shadow Heart isn't a horrible name, right? I'm going to be a very annoyed pony if it is.

"HOOO~OOONK!" Bellowed a loud horn in the distance, causing me to stop in my tracks.

There, in the distance, was a train in the shape of a cake. An ugly cake I might add. It slowly drove through the snow-covered landscape towards the crystal city. For what purpose? I don't know, but what I did know was that it became my ticket out of this God-forsaken city. I automatically made my way towards it.

"Huh, where am I?" spoke the body sleeping on my back. I didn't answer right away since I'm too focused on making sure no one on the train sees me coming. "What's going on? Where are you taking me?!" I winced when she shouted.

"You are my bride, Lady Angel Blade. Why wouldn't we elope to another land far away from this one?" I replied nonchalantly before leaving the safety of the weather dome. I felt her body freezing in horror at my words.

"B-Bride?!" and she fainted again. Good. With her back in dreamland, I picked up my pace. The train wasn't going to stay still for long, but judging the number of armed guards pouring out of the thing. There will be plenty of time to get on it.

I snaked my way around snow-dunes, through sudden bouts of blindness caused by the raging storm threatening to drown us in snow, and over a few hills. My urgency came in two forms; one is the fact that Q wanted me to be a forgettable villain, and the second involved my hostage. Frankly, that was a mistake on my part. I should have left her back in the city when the train showed up, but in my haste. I forgot to drop her. So now I have to take her with me or else she will die from hypothermia in the blizzard. I don't want that to happen. She doesn't deserve it. She has a long life waiting for her.

I supposed it's a good thing as well. With her help, willing or otherwise, I can adapt to my current position better. I don't know how my new body works, the state of the world, and having a friend would be nice. I hope Stockholm syndrome doesn't kick in too soon. If it does, I'm going to need an alibi. I began thinking of one as we came up to the side of an open car.

"W-What happened?" murmured the hostage on my back, but this time. I didn't allow her to continue her random questioning. I did this by throwing her onto the empty car that was, rather surprisingly, warm inside it. "Oof!" came out of her voice next, followed by, "Hey! What was that for?!"

I hopped onto the car with a grunt before I answered her, "Well, on the bright side. You are rather light, Love, even with your armor on. Speaking of which. Take it off."

She fainted once more.

"I'm so going to turn you into a proper housewife by the time we get to wherever this train is going," were my words before I began removing her armor with a slight struggle.

oOo - Cadence - oOo

Meanwhile, a pink Alicorn stared at the Crystal Empire with trepidation. She felt as though something was wrong with the entire situation, but she couldn't place a hoof on it. It's as if something was missing. The white stallion with a two-toned blue mane kissed her cheek to calm her down.

"It's alright Cadence. I'm sure we'll be fine. King Sombra won't be a problem for us," the stallion said reassuringly.

"It's not that, Shining," Cadence sighed. "There's something off about the Crystal Empire, but I don't what."

Shining looked towards the glowing city with a studious gaze, however. He couldn't see what Cadence was bothered about. Still, he gave his utmost support. "I'm sure we'll figure it out once we enter the city, Love. If not, then we can always ask for support."

"If you say so," Cadence sighed, shaking her head disbelievingly.

Chapter 2

I, Shadow Heart, came up with a brilliant alibi halfway to the destination the train was heading towards. It's quite simple really, and a stunning stroke of genius if I do say so myself. I based it all on the information I managed to lovingly caress it out of from my future wife, Angel Blade.

Now, I know what many people would think when talking about marriage with a random stranger who they just met. "It's a bad idea," and, "Don't do it, you moron," are both common and valid reasons in most situations, but in my current predicament. It's actually quite beneficial. Let me explain.

Currently, I'm the original Prince of the Crystal Empire who was kidnapped and replaced by King Sombra in an effort to take my place on the throne. While I was in my prison, I struggled to break free over the course of a few years where Sombra would entertain himself by throwing creatures in my cage for his amusement. It's a good explanation for my scars, teeth, and muscles if anyone should ask. Also, I couldn't use my magic for a long time, and due to my need for my survival. I forgot it over time. Plus, Sombra sped up the process with his Dark Magic.

I finally escaped my cage when the Empire returned from its imprisonment, and I'm now traveling to Equestria with my trusty guard, whom I've always liked, (wink, wink), to gather my strength for my grand comeback! And by comeback, I mean lying in wait until its an appropriate time to reclaim the throne for my own while living the life of a regular citizen.

Am I a bad person for playing with Angel Blade's feelings? I don't think so. After getting to know her better, she's the type of person I would genuinely wish to marry. She's honest, shy, loyal, affectionate, playful, and naturally adorable. As for the whole Pony thing? I got over it back inside the city. After all, since I'm a Unicorn. I can use magic. I've even managed to figure out Telekinesis on the train! Thank, God. Miracles do happen!

Now, I'm watching the landscape pass us by. Angel Blade sat close by, giving me shy glances every now and again with little flutters of her wings. She gradually warmed up to me when she realized that I wasn't the evil King Sombra that she learned to fear. In fact, I think she found my fake story very heroic. I won't destroy whatever fantasy is going through her mind. Right now, being honest about who I truly am on the inside matters. I'm a little relieved that she finds my true personality attractive rather than the fake one I used back in the city. I don't think I could keep up the charade for long.

It's been several hours since we left the icy tundra of the Crystal Empire. The train was now traveling through valleys of green with weather equivalent to the middle of summer. A city attached to the side of a mountain was gradually coming closer and closer, and I can see that the tracks were leading the train directly there. I made the city our stop for the time being to set up shop. My reasoning? It's in a well-defended position, large, and easy to escape from if I have to run for my life.

I've also made a story for when I arrive at our new home. Both Angel Blade and I are mercenaries from outside of the land we are entering. Our current objective is to get some rest—a vacation if you will. I've also already explained the plan for when we enter the city attached to the mountain. My part is to get a job in the customer service industry to build up my resume while also showing the local population my friendly personality. Next, I'm going to train my magic to the point that if I ever have to fight for my life, I won't die a slow, miserable death again. Once I'm strong enough to destroy any opponent in my way, I'm going to take over the Crystal Empire for my own.

Angel's part is a little more complicated since it involves her joining the local Guard to act as a spy...liaison for me. Once she's in, her job will be to give me any information about the Crystal Empire that she can find. When she isn't gathering information, she is to blend in as much as possible into her new role. She was quite enthusiastic about her new assignment.

Now that I think about it. Ever since I explained my fake background to her, she's been a little more willing to follow my orders. Does she really think I'm a prince or something? Well, if all things go according to plan, then I'll be the Emperor of the Crystal Empire. Angel, of course, will be my bride...After a few dates first. I wonder how Sofia is doing? It's a shame that didn't go anywhere. Oh well.

"Angel, how are you feeling?" I asked, looking out of the train stoically. The sound of shuffling hooves inching closer to me echoed inside the empty train car. I turned my head slightly to see Angel now sitting beside me with a tint of red on her cheeks. I still can't figure out how fur can change color so drastically.

"I-I'm doing fine, your Highness," she squeaked out. "How about you?"

"I'm doing alright, just thinking about what to do once we enter the city. We're going to need a place to stay for the time being, and I really don't want to live in a cave on the side of the mountain again," I replied with the last part to keep up my backstory. I felt a trembling wing wrap around my back in a reassuring hug. Angel gave me a shy smile.

"We'll be fine now that you're free from Sombra's prison," her smiled turned into a frown for what she said next. "I can't believe someone actually used a polymorph spell to take your place. I mean, it should have been obvious. Your eyes were always emerald-green and not blood-red and glowing; even your Cutie Mark is back to normal as well!"

My body tensed up. 'Wait a minute! Is she telling me that their is, in fact, a stallion that looks like me, talks like me, has the same eyes, Cutie Mark, and a big dick like me? Who is the legitimate Prince of the Crystal Empire?! Alright buddy, keep your cool. Don't ruin the lie and stay the course.'

I forced myself to relax, which pleased the mare now leaning against my side. I did my best not to blush at the intimate contact, but it was a futile effort if the sound of giggling was anything to go by. Thus, I let out a sigh of defeat and enjoyed the passing scenery.

We entered a massive city carved out of the side of the mountain. Alabaster stone made up of most of the walls, roads, and pillars supporting it. Canterlot, (the name of the city), was separated into several overlapping levels reminiscent of the legendary Minas Tirith. The train stopped at a station in the middle-district where it began undergoing a cleaning and refueling process. Angel and I chose to get off while the workers weren't looking.

Angel looked around with wide eyes. The number of ponies of various tribes walked to and fro to their destinations. Some of the ponies walking around were even wearing Victorian-style clothes that, surprisingly, looked quite good on them. I wish I could say the same for their stuck-up attitudes. If their noses were any higher, they would be selling their own ass. I snorted at the sight of them in disdain.

"As much as I wanted to admire all the glitz and glamour decorating the city, we have things to do," I said to the gob-smacked pegasus following me around. My words shook her out of her reverie for a moment before she realized that I was about to leave her behind.

"Sorry," She quickly rejoined me outside of the train station with a blush.

"Glad you could join me," I chuckled at her embarrassment. "Now, you know what to do?" She gave me a nod in response. "Good, I'll take care of housing and acquire a solid source of income. We'll meet up with each other in the town square at sunset. Does that sound like a plan?"

"Yes, sir," she saluted me with her wing, her eyes filled with DETERMINATION!

"Then off you go, my Love."

She tripped, but I managed to catch her with my magic. She tends to get adorably clumsy when I flirt with her. It's not a bad thing. I think it makes her rather endearing. She laughed sheepishly before flying off to complete her objective.

"Now then. Who would be willing to hire a heavily muscular, scarred up, handsomely intimidating Unicorn that's not from..." I paused to look at a stall with a bunch of maps on it. "...Equestria?"

My thoughts continued mulling over the question for some time as I wondered around Canterlot in search of a job application. It's not as though I didn't need to look hard or anything. In fact, there were several places with positions available, but I don't think; Ruby Clothing, Steelworks, or Tea Sanctuary, pardon my pun, would be my cup of tea. All of them paid more than enough for a good-sized apartment, however. None of them aided my plans at all.

I needed a job that would put me in the front row on full display, interacting with hundreds of ponies daily, while also paying enough to support two people. A fast-food restaurant would be ideal, but not one that served greasy food to the local populace. I promised myself that I would never work at a Mcdonalds again, and Hayburger is just insulting. No, I needed a semi-formal place capable of boosting my reputation, one that I won't vomit working at, and would get important people to notice me. But where?

"Get your freshly brewed lemon ice-tea here!" shouted a voice in the distance. "Ice-cold, sweet, and perfect for this hot summer day!"

The voice broke me out of my train of thought with her enthusiastic, chirpy voice. I looked around, finding myself on the upper-district of Canterlot. I felt a little confused as to how I managed to ascend two levels in under an hour. I shrugged. I'll figure it out later. For now, I have more important things to do. It's called food!

I found the location where the voice originated. I died a little on the inside when I saw a green circular sign with a white pegasus mare inside it. 'Starbucks. In this world. Kill me now.' Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards it while sneakily acquiring funds from the pockets of the local population. Telekinesis made pick-pocketing quite easy. I stashed my cash in the shape of small coins in a set of saddlebags I, "appropriated," with my magical charms earlier.

As I walked up to the storefront, I noticed, much to my dismay, a "Help Wanted," sign. Now, I don't have a particular problem with Starbucks. I simply don't like their coffee. It's overpriced, watery, and had way too much pumpkin spice. What I did like about it was its customer service. That, and I used to work there before I ended up as a hunky Unicorn. The only reason why I'm even approaching the place instead of the Griffonian Buffet Resturant down the street was that my laziness kicked in, making me give up on my job search. I figured I might as well work at the place I'm most familiar with. Plus, the spots available were the General Manager and Cashier positions. I also was both in the past. It seems fate has a sense of humor.

I walked into the cozy cafe filled to the brim with young mares and stallions trying to get their daily special with swagger. My head held high and straight, my stance professional, my chest was slightly puffed out, and each step measured and powerful. I instantly noticed that I'm the tallest pony in the store. I'm easily half-a-head taller than everyone, even a few Earth Pony stallions I walked passed. This little detail made me appear more badass than I had anticipated, but I'm not complaining.

A few eyes instantly turned to me, many of them were blushing mares giving me "dreamy eyes," while a few stallions either glared at me or realized their puny insignificance. One stallion of the Earth Tribe tried to trip me as I passed him by. I stomped on his hoof with a growl. He whimpered like a beaten dog before shuffling away from me. The mares around me found the act rather alluring than distasteful. 'The Earth Pony must've not been all that popular around here,' I mused to myself. I walked into the line without another issue.

As I waited, I listened to the conversations going on around me.

"Dear Celestia, who is that hunk!?"

Thank you.

"Look at his scars, Prism! I bet he's a member of the Royal Guard."

Fuck no. Those guys, from what I've seen, are complete pansies.

"No way! Do you see his horn, Ruby? He's clearly a foreigner."

Yep.

"I think he's a mercenary from Saddle Arabia."

I'm going with Griffonia. There aren't any dragons over there. I kinda' need them for my background.

"I bet he's a member of the Black Mamba! Those guys make the Royal Guard look like little colts playing Toy Soldiers."

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

"Do you think he's Princess Jasmine secret lover?"

Hahaha-wait. What?! Where did that come from?!

"Well, she is in town. I wouldn't be surprised if she had him follow her from the distance so that they can sneak away together while in the city at night."

Hold it right there!

"So romantic~."

I turned around to stared incredulously at the two gossiping mares in line behind me. Both of them turned bright red when our eyes met. I had to stop them before I somehow end up being chased around by the secret service of a foreign country across Equestria for, "deflowering," their virgin princess when I have yet to conquer my beautiful Angel! I have some standards, you know!

"I'd appreciate it if you two didn't fabricate baseless, wild rumors around. It isn't polite to make assumptions that could send a Hassassin at an innocent stallion," I huffed. "And another thing; I'm from Griffonia near the Dragonian border, (I learned that from a map I bought). I specialize in Dragon Slaying and not Assassinations," I finished with a nod before turning around to make my order.

"Oh. My. Faust!" they both gasped in awe. I rolled my eyes.

"Hello, S-sir. Can I take your order?" said a small colt of a stallion wearing a black dress-shirt underneath a dark-green apron. The poor thing shook in place as I looked down on him from over the counter. I gave him a nod.

"Can I get an Extra-large Double Espresso Mocha Latte with non-fat cream and natural sugar; a chocolate chip muffin, and can a meet your manager, please?"

"W-What?" the stallion said flabbergasted as he tried to put my order together on the register. He obviously couldn't handle such a complex order. The mare standing over his shoulder had to help in order to make sure he doesn't screw up my order. She also had the word, "Manager," on her name-tag. I felt slightly sorry for the colt if the Manager, herself, had to help you out. She let out a tired sigh.

"Is that everything, Sir? And what do you need to see me for?" the mare named, Coffee Crisp, inquired with a straight face. Take a guess on how she looks like. If you answered with a black mane, dark-brown fur, hazel eyes, and a Cutie Mark with a steaming coffee mug on it, then you'll be correct in your description.

I placed the appropriate amount of Bits on the counter for my order and replied with a straight face, "I'm here for a job."

"You're hired," she instantly replied before turning to the colt, "and you're fired." She took his name-tag with her hoof, removed his apron, and pointed to the "Staff Only" door. "Get in there and put on a uniform. It's lunch hour, and we don't have enough hooves for the rush. If you survive for the next three hours, you'll get your job."

I watched the heartbroken colt leave the counter with tears in his eyes. 'Poor, Bastard,' was my only thought.

Chapter 3

"Get me a small, non-fat, regular, coffee with a Boston Cream donut!" I ordered while making a fresh pot of medium-roast. My minions obediently followed my demands.

"I need a refill for this mare over here!" I dashed down the counter with the grace of a gay Olympic figure skater. Several mares swooned at the sight of my gorgeous body.

"Can someone please clean coffee pot three?! We can't use it until it's cleaned again!" I moved in between the tables, quickly cleaned them with the aid of my magic. I heard the "clicks" of cameras documenting my epic badassery.

These demands went on for three hours. I made sure the staff did their jobs, kept up with customer demand, and ensured their satisfaction. I also changed the mixture recipe for the coffee to make it taste good instead of the watered-down shit they used to serve, and the result? Nearly twice the amount of regular customers started coming in, which greatly impressed the Manager.

I did my part as well. I made sure everything remained clean, took out the garbage, gave the local mare population delightful eye-candy, and even helped out my fellow employees. I did everything a General Manager should do. Which greatly impressed Coffee Crips when it finally came time to check up on me.

"Well, I'll be," Coffee Crisp smiled approvingly. "Not only did you survive rush-hour, but you kept the rest in line. Not bad. Not bad at all."

I gave her a shrug, "I'm used to being under pressure, and coffee. I'm all about the coffee."

Coffee chuckled, "I've noticed. Our coffee hasn't tasted..." she paused to take a blissful sip from her personal mug, "...this good in a long time."

"I'm glad you enjoy it," I nodded politely. Coffee put her mug down upon her desk. Her face turned stern. I sat in front of her in the uniform I borrowed several hours ago. It surprisingly fit quite well. I gave her my full attention.

"Now, after observing your performance. I can tell that working in this kind of establishment wasn't your first time, which begs the question: What did you do before now?" she inquired calmly. I carefully put together my story for her.

"I'm originally from Griffonia near the border of Dragonia. Obsidian Shores is the name of the town I was born in," I began while making sure I stared directly into her eyes. "I came to this country to get away from the mercenary life with my lovely companion. As for why I'm not trying to become a member of the Royal Guard? I don't think they'll...agree to my standard of combat prowess. Killing dragons tends to be rather brutal and violent with a side of destructive power they wouldn't appreciate."

"Now, in regards to my knowledge on how to work in this area of expertise? While traveling across the eastern continent, I had to work in order to live when Dragon Hunting became a little slow. As you can see, I'm quite experienced in the customer service industry."

She leaned back into her chain with a thoughtful look. I can figure out what's going on through her mind—She thinks I'm too dangerous to have around her shop. I understand her reasoning, but she also needs someone capable of running the show while she's somewhere else. My little show earlier proves that I'm the kind of pony she's looking for, however. I don't have any history in Equestria. Thus, she's at an impasse.

To prove my skills, she'll throw something at me. I instantly activated my magic the second I saw her hoof grab her letter opener on the desk. With a flick of her wrist, the blade went flying towards me. I caught it with Telekinesis an inch from my eye. This entire act happened within a second, and I didn't lose my cool nor moved from my seat. I raised my brow at her while placing the knife back in its original spot. Next, she'll test the truth about my willingness to stay in this country without causing any trouble. I already had something in mind for that once she asked the question.

"Good reflexes," Coffee praised. "I've never seen a unicorn activate their magic and cast a spell so quickly before, especially as something as basic as TK. Normally, they would try to dodge or summon a shield. So what did you try to grab the weapon instead of blocking or dodging it?" she questioned.

"So that I can stab back into the attacker. Mage Blades are my preferred weapon in medium-range combat. A small letter opener is perfect for slitting the throat of a smartass Manager trying to prove a point," I huffed.

'Wait, Mage Blades? I don't remember ever using those. Strange.'

"Well, you can't blame a former Major of the Royal Guard for wanting to test her newest subordinate," she chuckled, taking another sip of her coffee. "And Mage Blades? Seriously? Those things are one of the most difficult weapons a unicorn can use. I'm surprised you'd dare to boast about being able to use those unwieldy things. Most veteran Unicorn Captains can't properly use Mage Blades without stabbing themselves."

"I'm used to using twelve or more made of magically created diamond with a blade sharp enough to cut the scales of dragons like a hot knife to butter. Would you like a demonstration?" I chuckled darkly back. The warm, emerald, glow of my magic lit up the room slightly in preparation for an impromptu demonstration. I don't know what's going on, but I do know that it's starting to freak me the fuck out!

'Hold on a minute! I have no fucking clue how to do that! Stop it brain! Don't make promises that you can't keep!'

Coffee's eyes went wide before waving her hooves frantically, "No, it's fine. I'll take your word for it." I felt my magic deactivate in disappointment. 'Thank, God. If I started using magic I can't do, in front of a former member of Equestria's military no less, then I could end up in deep shit. Is this because of, Q? If it is, then I'm going to be extremely pissed off.'

She recollected herself before continuing, "Now—Ahem—May I ask about this companion that you speak of? Is she the reason that you put away your armor for a more peaceful life?"

'Ah, finally. And no weird possessive urge to show my prowess to her. Good.'

"You could say that," I replied feeling a bit of heat coming off of my cheeks. The Cheshire grin that formed on Coffee's face made me wish I did start swinging around magical Mage Blades around in her office.

"Oh, a rough stallion bathed in the blood of his enemies found a beautiful mare capable of taming his fiery heart," her smug face giggled like a dirty, perverted old man. "Well, I kinda' want to meet the lucky mare now if she can tame tall, dark, and handsome sitting before me. I bet it would be educational."

"Do I get the job?" I groaned, trying to change the subject.

"Don't be like that. I bet she's a pretty unicorn, or maybe...A pegasus?"

I want to die.

"Please, remain professional while conducting the interview," my blush deepened.

"What do you like most about her? I bet cuddling. Feeling those warm feathers caress those muscles of yours. It must be divine~."

Fuck my life.

"Don't you have anything better to do than interrogate the love-life of your employees?"

"Pegasi are known to be a very affectionate race. That, and they're extremely frisky in the sack," her grin grew even more devious.

Oh. My. God.

"I don't think this conversation is appropriate for the content in which we were discussing. Speaking of which! Can we get back to the topic at hoof?" I gulped nervously.

"Nah, embarrassing you is more fun!" she cheered.

"I hate you," I replied bluntly.

She fell over laughing at my response. On the bright side, I got the General Manager position. I wish it didn't come at the cost of my sanity. I hope Angel is having a better day than I am.

oOo - Angel Blade - oOo

I stared at the castle, slightly afraid for what I'm about to do for my Prince. I never was a brave mare. I get scared at some of the most innocent things. Ever since King Sombra took over the Crystal Empire, every day of my life was lived in fear. All of my friends were murdered by that evil stallion or turned into his sex-slaves for his pleasure dungeon. My sister, my mother, my cousins; all of them became willing whores for Sombra, and I trembled in fear, crying in my home, begging to Faust to save me.

Then, in an instant, it was all over. King Sombra disappeared from the city, and everyone began walking outside again. I felt as though my prayers were answered! However, when a dark-colored stallion with the same resemblance of the King walked into the marketplace that day. I never felt such soul-crushing terror before.

I wanted to run, to scream, to fly away as far away from him as fast as possible, but I couldn't move! He pinned me into Sapphire Cream's bakery kiosk. I can vividly remember his warm, emerald-green eyes staring down at me; his deep, seductive voice, his handsome face, rippling muscles that made me wish I could rub my feathers all over his chiseled body; even his long, thick, body-destroying horn between his legs! No wonder no mare ever wanted to leave his bed after he had his way with them. They must have died from pure, unrelenting pleasure caused by his mighty scepter!

I don't remember much of what happened after he demanded my name. All I could think about was how, at least, I can see my family again, even though I'd be sharing the shaft of my sister's rapist, but that didn't happen. No, instead I found myself on a train heading towards Equestria with a stallion claiming that he wasn't King Sombra and that he was the long lost prince, Shadow Heart.

His story made sense, and it does explain a lot of the strange things about how King Sombra came into power. The Nobility couldn't fight against him since he pretended to be the real Prince of the Crystal Empire. Paired with his Black Magic, and murderous tendencies, King Sombra had no opposition to dethrone him legally. Not even the Crystal Guard could do anything to him.

When it came for asking the Equestrians for help on the matter. Those fucking Alicorn sluts turned a blind eye to our plights like always! They only stepped in to help us in our time of need when Sombra began sending his armies to their "perfect" country. Faust, it makes me sick on how hypocritical they are when it comes to protecting pony-kind from the darkness. Tartarus, I bet the ponies leaving the train were their goons sent to my home to take it over now that Sombra is gone! Well, they can try. After abandoning us over and over again, they'll find it extremely difficult to be taken seriously over there. And traveling with Shadow Heart, listening to his plans, seeing the fire in his eyes, I couldn't help but believe him. I don't know if he put me on a spell or a curse of some kind, but deep down in my heart. I knew he was the true Prince of the Empire. Thus, I chose to follow him.

'Just you wait, Equestrian scum. When Shadow Heart is back to full strength, he's going to make you regret abandoning us in our time of need.'

Back to the present, I'm going over the plan Shadow Heart tasked with me in my head all over again. The first part had me joining Equestria's Royal Guard with the backstory of me being a retired mercenary from Obsidian Shore in Griffonia. Once I'm in, I'm to acquire any and all intel regarding the current military strength of Equestria as well as the situation in the Crystal Empire. The information I've gathered over the course of six months will determine how we'll free the Empire from the Equestrians. With Shadow Heart as the Emperor and me as his...his...E-Empress.

'Ohhh! I can feel the heat coming off of my cheeks again! Alright, Angel. Stop blushing like a school filly. You're a proud member of the Crystal Guard! Act like it!.'

Slapping my cheeks, I made my way into the recruitment office attached to Canterlot Castle. Inside didn't have many ponies walking about, only a couple of colts barely out of their teens pretending to be soldiers. I automatically knew they weren't going to pass basic training with their attitudes unless Equestria's standard was extremely poor, which would be good for the Empire.

Taking a deep breath, I walked up to the front desk; my shoulders were straight, wings firmly held to my sides, steps perfectly spaced out, and eyes forward. The officer sitting behind the desk raised his brows at my practiced march before giving me a cocky smirk. I said I wasn't a brave mare before, but when it comes to combat—except maybe against Sombra—fear is afraid of me.

I gave a quick salute with my right hoof to the officer and announced promptly, "Recruit Angel Blade reporting for voluntary conscription into the Royal Guard, Sir." I could feel all eyes in the lobby staring at me at that moment, but the recruiter looked impressed at my display.

"At ease, Recruit," he chuckled mirthfully. I followed his suggestion. "I'm Second Lieutenant Swift Wing. I'm responsible for ensuring that all recruits, such as yourself, get through the recruitment process as quickly, and cleanly as possible. Now, I know your name, but not the reason for joining the Guard. Care to briefly explain while I get your paperwork together for the medical officer?"

"Of course, Sir," I nodded before I began. "I'm originally a mercenary from Obsidian Shore in Griffonia..." he tripped in surprise when I said that, but made no comment about it. "...I chose to retire from that life with my companion after one too many near-death experiences. Thus, we chose to move to Equestria for a new life. As for why I want to join the Royal Guard? I never truly liked the idea of sheathing my sword in the first place. I don't want to get rusty, and the Guard is a safe, legal way to stay in shape in that regard."

'I hope I did well, Shadow!'

Swift Wing hoofed me several sheets of paper while looking at me with slight fear. I don't know why he's afraid of me. I mean, it's all a fabrication brilliantly constructed by my Prince. His shaking hooves didn't help my current image of an Equestrian officer either. I clearly took them under my left wing with a nod and asked, "Is there anything else you'd like to know, Sir?"

He gulped, "No, that is all, Recruit. Please return them filled out and signed by Doctor Bonesaw down the left hall. Once everything checks out. You'll be assigned a barracks and begin your new life as a member of the Guard. Have a good day." I gave him a much more confused salute before following his instructions. I don't know what's wrong with him, but I'm glad everything went smoothly.

An hour later, and I've completed my first objective. I hope my Prince is successful in his mission as well. I began flying towards Town Square just as the sun began to set with a smile on my face.

Elsewhere...

'My holy Anal Penetrator finding an apartment was difficult! It took me several tries, a few hundred pockets picked and avoiding a few thirsty mares, but I finally got a decent place in the upper-district of Canterlot near my place of work. Now, where am I?' I took one look around, noticed that I'm nowhere near Town Square and that the sun began to set. One word entered my mind when I realized the situation I've found myself in.

"Fuck."

Chapter 4

I sat in wait for Shadow in Town Square, watching several ponies returning home carrying merchandise in bags attached to their person. Several mares were surrounding their stallions, giggling and nuzzling them with endless amounts of love and affection. A few birds drank from the fountain in the center of the square. The shops began closing one by one, and all I can do sit on a bench, waiting for my Prince to arrive.

'I wonder what it's like to have a herd? Having several mares tending to my every need, not having to work a day in my life, a big family with lots of fillies and colts running around my hooves. Stallions are so lucky,' I thought with a longing sigh. 'Then again, I wouldn't mind sharing my stallion with a few mares, but they need to be ponies capable of supporting him. Shadow isn't the type of pony to sit down and do nothing, nor is he somepony that needs to be protected. Only mares who can fight at his side at the frontlines of the battlefield are worthy...wait. What am I thinking?!' my cheeks burned brightly. 'I can't already be thinking of forming a herd with Shadow. We haven't gone on a single date yet!'

My mind went on a wild adventure, imagining several scantily-clad mares swooning underneath a fully-armored stallion looking over a battlefield. Then to a giant bed, followed by being ravaged into euphoric oblivion. I vividly remembered the body-destroyer between his legs; how it would require the attention of three mares to polish the shaft properly with their mouths.

I can feel my cheeks burn brighter and hotter as my imagination went wild with naughty thoughts. Not even my wings stayed still! They twitched and fluttered to the dirty music playing within my head. 'Stop thinking these impure thoughts, brain! I'm still a virgin for Faust sakes!' I looked to the fountain, thinking that a sudden cold bath would calm me down, but before I could hop into it. A slightly high-pitched voice erupted to my right, causing my fur to try to escape from my body, and a squeaky, "Eeep!" from my lips. I fell off my bench in surprise.

"Why, hello there. I, ah, sorry for startling you," the voice apologized sheepishly.

I looked up to find a light-blue pegasus stallion with a wild, dark-blue mane, green eyes, and a Cutie Mark of a lightning bolt with outstretched wings. He was smiling in slight embarrassment, and his hoof was stretched out for me to grab. I gave him a nervous chuckled while he helped me back up, "It's alright. I was in my own little world there for a moment. It's no big deal."

"Great, ah, how are you?" he asked, twitching his wings. His eyes appeared incapable of meeting my own. I gave him a confused look. I mean, I'm doing alright, but why is this slightly above average pegasus, who is almost a head shorter than me, concerned with my health?

I tiled my head in confusion, "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Well, um, I was wondering why, er, a pretty mare like you are sitting here all alone?" I'm not sure why he's so nervous talking to me. Does he have a medical condition? He's strange, and why does he need to know my reason for waiting in Town Square? Is he a spy!? I must keep up my guard.

"I'm waiting for a friend of mine. Why do you ask?" I carefully said, preparing to fly away at full speed at a moments notice.

His face brightened up a bit, "Oh! I was just wondering if you and your friend are interested in coming to the Club with me? I'm a Wonderbolt, don't ya' know," he smirked with a little more confidence. Also, did he need to puff out his chest out like a bird? Equestrians sure are weird.

'I'm not sure what this, "Club" is, but I know that it can't be good. Same with these Wonderbolts, whoever they are. I bet they're a group of useless stunt performers who flaunt their feathers like peacocks during mating season. No thank you, I prefer my stallions covered in blood, sweat, and ash...Kinda' like Shadow Heart. No! Stop it, Brain! Now's not the time.'

I looked towards the setting sun and saw that it's almost passed the horizon. Shadow Heart has yet to arrive, making me a little worried. He promised to show up on time. Did he get lost? I know from viewing the city from the sky that Canterlot could be confusing to navigate from the ground without a guide or some familiarity of the city's layout. I hope he doesn't take too long. I turned back to the mysterious stallions shuffling shyly in his spot.

"I don't think my friend nor I will be joining with a random stallion I just met to wherever you want to take us. We have things to do tonight that are far more important than fooling around with a show-pony. Sorry," I replied with a strained smiled. The look on his face appeared as though I stabbed his family, heart, and pride. Even his wings wilted against his sides from my response. 'A little extreme for a reaction to my disinterest in this, "Club," of his, but I'll take it. I hope he isn't too upset over it.'

"Oh, um, it's okay," he sighed dejectedly, his head lowered. I felt slightly sorry for him, but only slightly. Stallions shouldn't appear weak in front of a mare. It makes them look incapable of protecting his herd, which back home. No mare would want to do anything with him. Although it could be different here in Equestria, a thousand years had passed after all. I wondered if Shadow would take in a very effeminate stallion into his herd? 'Great! Now I can't get the picture of Shadow making a mare out of colt! AND WHY DOES IT LOOK SO SEXY! STOP IT BRAIN! NO! BAD! VERY VERY BAD!'

A sudden sound broke me out of my naughty train of thought again. "Oi! Look at we got here, boys!" laughed another deep voice from close by, followed by the sound of a few pairs of clattered hooves on the cobblestone road. "Two lovebirds getting it on in the middle of Town Square! Isn't that romantic, hahaha!"

Both the light-blue stallion and I gave our attention to the group of stallions walking towards us. Their leader, from what I can tell, was a unicorn with light-gray fur and a short, combed-back, black mane. His steel-colored eyes gave us both a mocking glare, but mostly to my conversation partner. When I gave him a glace, he looked visibly ill at the sight of the group walking straight to us. I'm guessing that he doesn't get along with them.

As for the new stallions lackeys? One was a heavily-built Earth Pony with a dark-brown coat and hazel mane; one was a lean thunderhead-gray pegasus stallion with a pure-white mane, and the last two appeared to be twin unicorns. They both had matching lightning-yellow manes, amber eyes, and green coats. None of them looked particularly tough, but I figure my temporary companion would say otherwise. I simply glared defiantly at them for their wrongful insinuation of being Blue's mare.

oOo - Shadow Heart - oOo

I run through the city as quickly as possible. I didn't think I would lose track of time so epically. After I paid the deposit for my apartment though perfectly legal means, expressed ordered and delivered a few amenities to said apartment, followed with a bit of grocery shopping that made a ponies faint when I bought meat for myself. I figured I would have enough time to make it to our meeting spot.

Well, I probably could have saved time if I rushed a bit during my crime-spree of stealing from the local population of snobs walking around with their coin purses out on full display for everyone to see. The police force was extremely shitty at their job when it came to catching criminals. Or, well, good criminals. I've seen a small colt blatantly grab a mares purse in front of everyone before being tackled to the ground by five armored stallions in half-plate made of gold.

I don't know if the thieves in this city were either really dumb or unbelievably incompetent. Sure, I'm one to talk during my younger years. Back then, I could jack two-liter bottles of Coke under the harsh scrutiny of several security cameras, or that time I managed to nab ten PS3 games from behind the fenced cabinet with my buddies at the local Walmart. How I did that? Well, from behind, obviously. The back wall of the cabinet was pointed towards a blind-spot in the soap section. From there, we made a small hole in the wall with a pair of wire cutters while hiding in a fort made out of toilet paper. The best part was the fact that we didn't get caught. Ah, good times.

Now, I may be lazy, a massive procrastinator even at the worst of times, however. There are a few things in the world that can rile me up. Those are fighting, stealing, and video games. Not particularly in that order, mind you, but good enough to give you an idea that I'm a bit of a thrill-seeker. I only take things seriously when my lively-hood is a stake. Thus, when it comes to working. I give it my all. I can't pay for my internet with an empty wallet after all!

Still, as I rushed through the confusing streets towards the meeting spot, I couldn't help but feel a little worried. It's as if something bad was going to happen. I trust my gut a lot more than I trust my head. Sometimes, or rather, most of the time. It tells me to go back to bed and deal with it tomorrow. It's clearly not a healthy mindset to have, but it's one I'm stuck with for the rest of my life. 'Hang on, Angel. I'm almost there.'

When the Town Hall came into sight, the sun passed the horizon. Street lamps lit up the cobblestone road, guiding me to my destination. I kicked my hooves harder, pushing myself against the ground with more and more power I didn't think I had. I didn't complain, especially when I began running faster than the eye could see. My only problem stemmed from my lack of control. It was quite difficult to turn at the sharp corners going at full throttle. The small craters caused by my hooves slamming against the stone walls are more than enough proof. If it wasn't for my strange mastery of Telekinesis, I probably would have died from a head-on collision with a wall. It's a small miracle I suppose.

I made my way down one final bend and saw Town Square two blocks in front of me. I slowed back down to a reasonable trot, my breath strangely calm and steady. Not even a bead of sweat came off of my body. I figured my new body would be extremely fit, however. I didn't anticipate it would be to the point that not even a dead-sprint down a district for ten minutes couldn't give me a struggle. I guess that's a perk looking forward to.

'Alright, lets recap on what I learned today. One: My magical strength is near infinite if the test results from the gym near the apartment are anything to go by. Two: My physical strength makes all Earth Ponies green with envy. Three: My stamina must be equally impressive in comparison to an Earth Pony in his prime, and finally: There is unknown information bleeding into my memories, and all of it is about Magic and Combat, thankfully, but it's still concerning. Did Q dump all of King Sombra's knowledge relating to those two fields into my skull, and have them slowly be released over time? If so, then I can be a little thankful. Only a little. I'm still going to destroy his anus when I get my hooves on him.'

I hope the information doesn't warp my personality too much. That would be a drag.

Putting those thoughts aside for later, I entered a large, circular area with a giant fountain with an Alicorn spewing water out of her mouth into the basin. A few benches were artistically placed around the fountain, while the cobblestone road was painted to look like a sun and moon merged together with the statue at the center of it. Almost all of the shops were already closed or were in the process of closing, and there is a small group of ponies near one of the benches. I can see Angel Blade amongst the group. The fur on my neck bristled in rage. 'One mare, six guys, all of them are surrounding her. It's almost night, and from what I can see. They don't appear to have good intentions. Welp, I guess it's time to use some of the knowledge Q left for me.'

I quickly, and steadily walked towards the group ready for a fight. They didn't notice my presence at first. Only when Angel looked in my direction or heard the sound of my hoof-steps getting louder did they collectively turn their heads to see what's going on. Though, judging by their wide eyes, I bet they didn't expect a muscular stallions half-a-head taller than Angel, who could look directly into the eyes of their Earth Pony friend. Everyone else was either shorter than her, or could barely meet her gaze. The light-blue pegasus standing next to her was the shortest of the group. I cleared my throat and introduced myself.

"May I know why a group of stallions chose to surround a single mare when she doesn't want to be associated with any of you?" I questioned darkly.

The leader of the group, I think, matched my glare with one of his own, "Buzz off. She doesn't concern you. Go back to whatever ditch you crawled out of you filthy mutt," the black-maned stallion spat with an arrogant tone.

I wasn't in the mood to deal with these punks like I normally would. Thus, I instantly grabbed his throat with Telekinesis and lifted him into the air, choking him just enough so that he could barely breathe.

"I'm not in the mood to play with a bunch of pathetic group of whores thinking they can touch my mare," I snarled as the rest watched on in horror. The stallion in my magical grip struggled to break free if the weak fidgeting of his body was anything to go by, and his pained whimpers. Can't forget about those. I turned to his lackeys, glaring pure death at them. Nothing pisses me off more than a bunch of gangbangers fucking around with a lone woman. I tightened my grip around their bosses throat before throwing him to the other side of the square without looking.

"Anyone else?" I asked calmly. The Earth Pony stepped forward. Big mistake.

"Yeah—!" I cut him off by punching his face with a right hook at full power. The feeling of his jaw bending inward before breaking like a glass window was a peculiar feeling with a hoof. That, and watching his limp body flying out of the square down the street looked rather comic.

The other ponies looked completely terrified at what transpired. As for the light-blue stallion? His face had the look of one who made a terrible mistake, and Angel still had her prominent crimson cheeks whenever we were together. Drool also dribbled down her slightly agape maw onto the dry cobblestone. 'Interesting.'

"I'm ready to rip out your spines from your pathetic bodies whenever you're ready," I snorted, looking back at the gangbangers. The two unicorn twins tails both simultaneously fled between their legs before they ran off. Meanwhile, the pegasus bolted into the sky as if the Devil himself was chasing him. I snorted again, "Cowards."

Returning my gaze to the last stallion of the group, I noticed his entire body was trembling in place, unable to move. I took a step towards him in a threatening manner, but Angel's wing blocked my path. When I gave her a questioning raised brow, she cleared her throat to explain, "He's with me. We were talking about a "Club," before the others showed up."

My anger calmed down a somewhat, but I'm still a little miffed that the effeminate stallion that looked more like a filly than a colt even tried to ask my mare out on a date. However, if Angel is protecting him, then he's worth keeping out of the hospital...For now.

"Fine then. Let's go, Angel. We need to leave here before those incompetent Guards decide to show up," I huffed before giving the shaking light-blue stallion a death-glare. "As for you. If I catch you saying anything about what I did to those punks, I'm going to rip off your wings, shove them down your throat, and use your ass as my personal sperm depository. Understand?"

"U-Understood, S-Sir," he squeaked out with a rather high-pitched voice.

"Good," I sneered as I turned around and quickly made my way as far away from the square as possible. The only words spoken came from Angel, and all she said was, "Goodbye," to the trembling she-stallion.

oOo - ????????????? - oOo

'My, oh, my, he really knows how to scare those prissy colts into submission. Weeeeell, that's a given. Equestria's stallion population nowadays are complete pushovers that are only good for reproduction or eye-candy. They don't make them how they used to. Commander Hurricane really knew how to leave the battlefield covered in the blood of victims, return home to his harem of mares to destroy their flower gardens, shower, then repeat the process.

Hmm, I hope he enjoys the gift I gave him. When Sombra was in his prime, he could take on both Celestia and Luna, beat them into the ground, then continue annihilating their armies with little rest. He was one of the few ponies capable of taking on the full strength of the Alicorn sisters while powered-up by the Elements of Harmony. Only Starswirl, Meadowbrook, Black Rose, and my Second Chosen Human, Sunset Shimmer, can match his raw magical power. He better uses the knowledge and body I've given him, or it would be rather borrrrrrrrinnnnnnnggggg!

Now then! Let's see what Number Three is doing! Ah! Starlight Glimmer is making her way to Canterlot, and look! She joined up with Number Two. Oooh! I can just smell the CHAOS that's about to happen! It's a shame Number Four is fooling around with the Storm King. It would have been the party of the century if One through Six were all together in one city! Speaking of which, where did Five and Six go? Five should be love-bug Chrissy, and, wait, that's right! She's protected by that stupid throne of hers, but where is Six? Don't tell me Cadence got lost in the now vacant Crystal Empire? It would be a shame if she did.

Your move Number One, or should I say: Shadow Heart. Let's see what kind of trouble you can get yourself into with the others! Hahahahahaha!'

Interlude - A Cadence Awakening

I woke up feeling strange. I didn't feel right. It's as if my entire body morphed into a strange shape, followed by the feeling of being used as a teddy bear of some kind. Something pressed uncomfortably against my back, my hair felt longer than it should be, and I have the urge to pee. The combination of such wrong sensations assaulting my senses rubbed me the wrong way. I choose to wake up to see what kind of party I escaped from last night and see who I fucked. I hoped it was another bukkake gangbang. Those are the best. But I don't appear to be as wet and sticky as I usually end up. That's a shame.

Yawning, I sat up to see where I ended up last night. I appear to have woken up inside a room made of blue crystal on a four-poster bet with a massive curtain made of semi-opaque silk. The right side of the bed had an end table with a half-drunk cup of water sitting next to a lamp crafted out of some kind of crystal. To the right, however, caused my jaw to drop.

Sleeping next to me was a large, white horse with a messy two-toned blue mane. His entire body was heavily muscled and chiseled to perfection, fluffy fetlocks, and an ass I definitely would make a shrine to. Though, when I looked closer, his butt had a cute tattoo of a shield with a pink starburst on the face and three stars hovering over the top. And between his legs was a...disapointment. Even by horse standards. My Bad Dragon strap-on that my girlfriend loves to use on me was easily bigger than his package. A real shame. Oh well, I guess I'll find some other stallion to fill me up later when he's not around. No hard feelings, Love, but I have standards.

Looking at myself now, I saw that I'm also a cute little horse. My fur is an adorable bubblegum-pink, my curly hair is a mixture of yellow, pink, and purple; my butt tattoo is a baby-blue crystal heart branched with gold decorations, and I had a pair of wings on my back with a horn on my head. As for my body? Well, I don't know much about the beauty standards of horses, but I can confidently say that I'm fucking sexy, which is good for me. No guy or girl would have sex with an ugly bitch, and this slut needs her cream.

'Alright, Roxie. You were transformed into a super sexy mare after the wildest party ever last night. Eh, could be worse. Now then! Let's go see what this pretty pony princess has in her kitchen! And after breakfast...? Find a new stud with a bigger package.'

Quietly without waking pencil-dick up, I got out of the bed. I then ever so carefully walked out of the room and made my way down a carpeted hall made of crystal. I could see several paintings, statues, and other pieces of artwork on the walls. I didn't care about that right now. Mama needs her nibbles!

It took me a few minutes of searching around, tripping, banging my shin, but I finally found the kitchen! It's a quaint little thing, most likely for the personal use of the residence of the palace I woke up in, which I found out about after finding a balcony. I opened the first cabinet I could get my hooves on, opened it, and found a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. I'm serious. Instead of a little bee on the box, it was a tiny pony with butterfly wings. Shrugging, I grabbed the box and began eating out of the box. Sue me! I never liked milk with my cereal anyway.

After consuming the entire box like the slutty pig that I am, I decided that a shower was needed next. I found the bathroom earlier during my grand search for the kitchen, and it was attached to the bedroom I woke up in. What I needed now was a good soak in the tub. Plus, maybe a quicky if I can find someone in this barren castle. Normally, Scarlet would be the one responsible for pinning me against the wall underneath the warm cascade of water while wearing a double-headed dildo sticking out of her, and ready to be put in me. God, I'm going to miss her. She really knew how to dominate this medically diagnosed nymphomaniac.

I let out a sigh, 'Well, it could be worse. Being turned into a horse isn't all that bad. If I remembered correctly, the average size of a pony was fourteen-inches in length and thicker than a pop can. That's roughly the size of the strap-on Scarlet had. So long as I can get a good fucking, I'm fine with being a horse.' I entered the bathroom and lazily began going through the motions of filling the tub with steaming hot water. 'Another plus is that I can fly, and maybe do magic? That's what unicorns did in fairy tales, right? I bet masturbating would be fucking epic if I could use telekinesis. Screw watching loli hentai girls getting raped by tentacles when I can make my own! That would be fucking awesome!'

My fantasies came to a halt when the stallion I woke up next to walked into the bathroom. 'Oh, great, it's six-inch-wonder. I guess he'll do for a quicky. He'd better be good with his mouth.' The stallion gave me a smile.

"Morning, Cadence. I'm glad to see you up early this morning. How are you?" he asked, walking straight up to me before giving me a kiss on the cheek. My body froze for a moment. 'It appears that this body is friendly with the stallion. Be cool until I can figure everything out.' I forced myself to relax.

"Morning, Love. And I'm doing fine. I'm just a little...hot and bothered right now. If you know what I mean," I replied with a bit of lust laced in my tone. His face lit up like a kid on Christmas. I closed my eyes sexily a bit and pointed to the tub, "Care to join me?"

The unicorn stallion gulped nervously, "Always, my beautiful wife."

'Wife? Oh well. I'll divorce him when I find the time. Right now? Mama's getting her snu-snu.'

It was just as disappointing as I thought it would be. He tried, he really did, but his tiny penis couldn't reach my special spots. I had to fake my orgasm near the end just to stop his horrible attempts at sex. The only good thing about it was that I learned that I'm the Princess of the Crystal Empire, the stallion's name is Shining Armor, and that a mysterious King Sombra is missing.

Also, from what I learned later, Sombra is known for having the largest cock in the Empire. I want it. Particularly inside me, and later today there is a pony with information about him coming to visit. For now, Shining Armor, my husband apparently, is doing military drills. It's a shame that my personal Guards, Silver Blade, Crystal Hammer, and Onyx Shield knew how to please their Princess. Shining is a sweetheart, but he isn't capable of holding my leash.

I hope Sombra is everything I want him to be. Nothing turns me on more than a Dark Evil King, Power, and ruthless authority. If he is? Then I'll be more than happy to give my entire body to him to do with however he pleased. I'm getting wet just thinking about it!

Author's Note

Alright, a bit smaller than normal, but this is an interlude to show all the other numbers (still alive) are doing in Equestria.

Normal Chapters should be out once a day or every two days. Thank you all for all the love and support. <3:heart:

Chapter 5

There's an old saying from where I came from: If the blinds aren't closed in the morning? Murder the person responsible for their heresy. The light of the sun burned into the back of my eye-sockets, causing my head to pound with a mild headache. I tried to roll over to flee from the wretched light, but something held me in place. It was large, clung to me like a leech, and made cute sounds whenever I moved. Regretfully, I had to open my eyes to see what's attached to my body. Suffice to say, I didn't expect a cute pony with her muzzle buried into my neck, and arms and legs wrapped around my body as tightly as possible to be the "leech" in question.

I tried to recall the events leading up to my current predicament. Apparently, after arriving at our new apartment last night, I forgot to buy Angel Blade her own bed, so I invited her to share mine. What happened next was an affectionate mare attempting to murder me with non-intimate cuddles, nuzzles, and snuggles, and I loved every second of it. Bite me! Before long, we both passed out in each other's arms. She made her nest underneath my chin while I used her wings as a blanket. It was one of the best nights of sleep I've had in a long time. I hope I can experience more.

Letting out an annoyed sigh, I grabbed the blinds with TK and closed them promptly, then frowned. 'I'm starting to get a little worried about how ridiculously easy Magic seems to be, or rather. How much information Q dumped into my head?'

I understand to concepts of Spacial Entrapment of Mana Frequencies, The Theory of Auric Conservation, The difference between Elemental Combination and Transformation, The Harmonic Destiny Hypothesis, and so much more. And that's the Magical side of what he put in my brain! Then there are all the pony-based martial arts crammed into my skull. There are variations of Karate, Taekwondo, Russian Wrestling, Kung-fu, Aikido, Tai-chi, Judo, Boxing, kickboxing, even names I've never heard of before!? Like, what the hell is Pone-qi? Or Wrath of the Whiskey Queen? Wait, I kinda' like the sound of that one. It sounds fun.

I guess I understand why Q put all that junk in my brain. My current body used to be the evil overlord of the Crystal Empire. It wouldn't make sense if he didn't know how to defend himself from his opposers. However, there is a difference in knowing how to fight and just book-knowledge. Back in my past life, I wasn't a slouch when it came to street fighting. I lived in a bad neighborhood when I got kicked out of the house when I turned sixteen. Gangs or random strangers would often pick fights with me whenever I came home from work, which is why I was fucking pissed that I died to a fucking mugger of all people!

I never learned martial arts in my past life. I relied mostly on reading the situation, prediction, and reaction. More often then not, I woke up in a ditch with several cuts, bruises, or a broken limb. Playing dirty against my opponents was the strategy that saved my ass more times than I can count.

Several years of defending myself earned me a name on the street. The Sleeping Wolf of 1st Ave; don't wake him up and he'll leave you alone. I'm a little proud of it since everyone knew that aside from work, fighting, or the odd theft every now and again, I was a lazy person. If it wasn't my problem, (unless it was a woman), then I wouldn't butt in. But if you did, then expect a brick in the face after I blinded you with road gravel, followed by pummeling the unlucky victim into a bloody pulp. No one got in the way of my Japanese Hentai Games!

There is no honor in war, only the victor. Hence why I didn't let the Unicorn or Earth Pony even attempt to fight back. I went straight for the kill. My new body's natural strength is what saved my ass last night, and nothing else. Q didn't help me, nor did Angel, but I don't want to rely on a trained military mare to protect me. It will make me look bad, m'kay.

'I'm going to need to practice later,' I sighed inwardly. 'Argh, so bothersome. I hope Angel will keep me on a schedule. Sparring with her will help the "Princely" image I'm creating at least. I'd rather sleep in.' With that final thought in mind, I buried my muzzle in Angel's platinum-blond mane. Another hour of sleep sounded lovely right now.

"Ahhhhh!" screamed a frightened woman. The next thing I knew was minor pain, then the "pomf" of a pillow impacting my dazed face. I found myself on the floor, upside down leaning against the wall. Thankfully, my tail covered my stallion-bits. 'Living in a nudist society is tiresome. Ah! My normal personality finally kicked in. Cool.'

"W-Why a-are-are you in-in m-my bed!?" stutter-demanded the upside down Angel Blade blushing redder than a shipping crate filled with tomatoes, her wings had their iconic wing-boner too. I stood back up with a yawn and put the pillow back down on the bed.

"One: you are in my bed, and Two: you decided to use me as a teddy bear," I replied bluntly before hopping back onto the mattress. "Now, come back to bed. It's too early to be throwing stallions around and screaming in his ears."

"W-What!? You can't!" she squeaked loudly out. I turned to her to give her my legendary raised brow of, "Oh really?"

"Why?" I drawled, not understanding her reasoning.

"You have work!"

"Oh," I blinked dumbly before encasing myself in a cotton cocoon. "I'm the General Manager. I can be late."

I felt my entire body collide with the floor again. "No! Get up, shower, and out to work!" she insisted. I responded by curling up on the floor.

"Nah."

"Honestly! For a Prince, you sure are lazy!" she mocked.

"Guilty as charged. Now, shoo. The dreamworld is calling to me."

She picked me up with her deceptively strong hooves and tossed me out the window. I didn't think I was getting any more sleep that morning. Angel won this round, but I will win the war!

I walked into my place of work with a yawn. It had yet to open, but a quick application of TK and the lock on the inside of the door came undone. 'Should think about magical protection later,' I thought, walking into the staff room. I took a quick look around inside the office-like area and there, using the bench as a support, were two ponies. One was a cream-colored pegasus mare with a short red-mane; a Cutie Mark of a red and gold teacup. The other was Coffee Crisp on her back with her legs spread wide open. Guess where the pegasus mare's face was? If you answered between the legs of my boss, then you'd be correct.

Both stared at me with different expressions. The Pegasus had a look of embarrassed horror while my boss looked like she wanted me to join. I ignored them, put on my uniform, and prepared the cafe for business. No one made a single sound during the entire event. Well, except for the "sigh" of disappointment from Coffee. I wouldn't touch her anyway, she's my boss after all, and you never sleep with your boss.

A few minutes later passed by before the duo decided to join me behind the counter. I just finished brewing a fresh pot for the employees like I used to do back on Earth, which Coffee helped herself to almost instantly. Meanwhile, the pegasus mare, who was named Crimson Tea if her nametag was correct, had a permanent blush on her face while she prepped her own station.

I didn't care all that much, to be honest. They are both consenting adults, and they wouldn't be the first couple I walked in on doing the nasty. Hood parties usually had a bitch or two who'd hook up with anyone at said party. I walked in on several girls getting passed around by one or more guys at a time. It is the first time I've walked in on two girls doing it though. I guess that's an achievement.

"Like what you saw?" Coffee smirked from behind her mug. I raised my brow from behind the counter I was cleaning.

"Not the most erotic thing I've seen, nor the kinkiest. You'd need to at least add a few more guys, a couple of hermaphrodites, a tentacle monster, a few loli's, bondage equipment, and maybe excessive amounts of watersports before you'd be able to phase me," I replied simply. Her eyes gained their perverted twinkle again.

"Oh~hh? Is that so~oh?" she giggled naughtily. Poor Crimson's face matched her namesake. Sorry for the torture. "I bet such a sight must have been quite the turn-on. It's a shame I'm only interested in more vanilla things. Speaking of, why didn't you join us? We could have used the extra excitement." Now Crimson was chewing her lip while giving us a shy glance every now and again. 'Really? I'd thought you'd be more hesitant. I'm greatly disappointed in you.'

"I have a strict: "No screwing the Boss," rule when it comes to relationships. It's bad for business," I replied dryly. Coffee gave me a pouty face as the rest of the staff began walking into the cafe.

"Pwees pway with mwee?" she whimpered sadly with a puffy lower lip, flat ears, and sad-eyes.

"Act your age," I flicked her forehead, causing her to wince in pain.

"Boo, you're no fun," she frowned, turning away from me to go to whatever she's supposed to do. I let rubbed my temples for a moment, then straightened my back, lifted my head, and prepared for the Horde!

The coffee pots were brewing, the pastries are on display, mugs cleaned, and my soldiers are getting into position. Today is Tuesday. In other words: A workday. If the Alliance are to weather this storm of workaholics, young adults, and the odd old person, then we'll need to give it our all! I took a deep breath, sucking in the wonderful scent of freshly brewed coffee into my nostrils. Nothing fired me up than the elixir of life that is a medium-roast mug of joe in the morning.

The clock clicked down, second by second. There's a line outside waiting to penetrate the inner sanctum for their good deals and cheap beverages. The dark-purple Unicorn stallion with a short, dark-blue mane standing to my right, gave me a knowing nod. His name is Cosmic Mixture. I turned to my left to find Crimson with her gave face on, and no longer blushing from the event a few minutes prior.

Coffee Crisp walked to the door, and time seemed to slow down to a crawl. Cosmic Mixture gulped, Crimson's wings twitched with anticipation. The "tic-toc" of the clock echoed forebodingly in the cafe. My heart began to beat harder, better, faster, stronger, in my chest. Cosmic's magic flickered, so did mine when Coffee reached the door.

I watched, fidgeting in place, as her hooves reached for the sign next to the door. The blood in my ears sounded like the drums of war on the eve of a grand battle worthy of the Titans praise! I chose that moment to give my companions some encouragement as I feel that neither of them will survive when the gates finally fall to the ravenous barbarians called: Customers.

“War must be, while we defend our cafe against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the delicious coffee for its bitterness, nor the tea for its dryness, nor the brewer for his creation. I love only that which they consume," I said deep from the heart. Both Cosmic and Crimson looked up at me in awe. I pulled them both in for one final hug.

"Stay safe, my fellow employees! Do not let those gluttons in pony-skin take everything that you are! Fight on for the elixir of life that we lovingly craft here underneath this roof!"

I stuck my hoof out, "For Coffee!" The other two did the same with brave smiles.

"FOR STARBUCKS!" we cheered. The door opened, and all hell broke loose.

Author's Note

Another shortish one. I wanted to make it longer, but I couldn't stop giggling at the end. Yes, I laugh at my own story, fight me! The next one will be much longer.

A Mary Sue/Gary Stu is an idealized and seemingly perfect fictional character with no noticeable flaws. Often, this character is recognized as an author insert or wish fulfillment.

For those making this comment. It will be addressed down the line in like....five chapters or so. Also, by this definition, then every ANON stories are all self-insert Mary Sue Stories. Just think about it.