Books are amazing things. When reading books, one stares at marked slices of trees and hallucinate vividly about wonderful fantasylands, futuristic dystopias or a thousand other worlds that, but for books, would exist only in the wildest of your dreams. However, in the otherwise perfect land of Equestria, there were only so many books in existence, so reading slowly, to ensure that you did not run out of books, was a key skill to have if you did not wish to go crazy.
Unfortunately,this was one skill Twilight Sparkle was not proficient in.
"Spike!" The cry pierced the heavens and interrupted a tense, godly game of chess.
Spike was currently putting the finishing touches to a stack of books that steadfastly defied the laws of physics, but leapt from the ridiculously tall and rickety stepladder he had been balancing on, breaking a few thankfully nonessential bones on the way, and rushed toward the direction of the cry.
Normally he would have proceeded at a slow and steady pace to Twilight, sneaking in a few energy refilling snacks along the way. However, running this particular yell through his mind's database of Twilight's yells, he figured out that this was a DEFCON 1 cry, used only in what Twilight deemed were the most urgent emergencies. Spike was smarter than he looked.
Reaching the main library of the Castle of Friendship, he pushed open the door.
Spike expected to find a large monster of some sort terrorising Twilight, a crazed criminal attempting to kidnap Twilight or, he shuddered at the thought, Twilight staring crazily at an empty pot of coffee.
He did not expect to find Twilight having a mental breakdown amidst a pile of books.
Upon hearing Spike enter the library, Twilight stopped rocking about in the fetal position, turning her head in a way that should not have been anatomically possible towards Spike.
She fixed him with a stare that would have sown the seeds of terror in the hearts of the most hardened criminals.
In a voice that was of the lowest volume possible, yet crystal clear to Spike's ears, she said, "Spike, I've read all the books."
And Spike was suddenly very glad he rushed over as quickly as he did.
Emergencies of this scale were far worse than large monsters, crazed criminals or empty pots of coffee.
He sat himself on a thick volume of ancient Zebrican poetry and in a voice that unsuccessfully tried to hide his growing panic, shakily asked, "What do you mean, you've read all the books."
"I've read the ancient history books about Ponyville." Twilight stated in a voice that did not match her 'bordering on the edge of insanity' expression. "I've read the young adult novels, I've read all the books based on movies. There are simply no books left in any of the libraries in Equestria that I have not read."
"Even the fanfictions-"
"ALL the fanfiction, Spike. Every last one of them." Twilight stated cooly.
It was then that Spike really began to panic. If Twilight had read the fanfiction, she really had no other reading material. Then, Spike was broadsided by an idea.
"Aren't there new books coming out?", he queried, a small spark of hope beginning to form in his chest. Surely there had to be a new book coming out sometime soon-
"Not for the next year, Spike. It's the time of year where the authors are all taking holidays, remember?"
The small spark was cruelly snuffed out. He had forgotten about the biannual 'Author's Laze'.
Twilight was heavily assaulted by an idea. There seemed to be a goodly amount of them flying around that day.
" Maybe there is something I can do about this."
If there had been a small sliver of hope remaining in Spike's chest, it was gone now.
"Oh no." he muttered,fearful of what was to come.
Twelve minutes later
It was a pleasure to burn.
It was a pleasure to see thing blackened and changes, wilting to the drought of fire as their paper petals fluttered helplessly like so many flowers.
She adjusted the symbolic helmet with the number '451' emblazoned on it and swung the hot brass nozzle toward yet another pile of doomed literature.
And she felt a hard, cold smile form upon her face, a smile that would never leave, not even when she had removed her overalls and hung them on the hook of the firehouse and laid down in her bed, satisfied with a job well done-
"Twilight, what are you doing?"
"Shush, Spike, I'm thinking."
"But-"
She gave him the look that meant she wasn't to be disturbed, under any circumstances.
So Spike stood helplessly to the side and watched Twilight burn books with a flamethrower.
Pinkie Pie trotted over.
"Hey Spike, what's going on?" She asked with her usual cheerful nature.
Spike, looked at Pinkie Pie, looked at Twilight, who was burning yet another pile of books, then looked back at Pinkie Pie.
"Your guess is as good as mine, Pinkie."
Pinkie was then reminded of something.
"You know, this is like the time when Twilight said she was going to hold a super duper fun party and then spent the entire party holding a glass of apple cider and staring out the window."
Spike agreed. Twilight was becoming more unpredictable by the day. Usually incidents like this were harmless, however, Spike felt that on this particular occasion, the whole thing might have gone a bit too far.
" I'm confiscating those books. " Twilight growled at the terrified bookstore owner, who had had a very bad day up to this point and certainly did not deserve any of this.
Then, the bookstore owner felt a sudden surge of bravery flow through his veins and he steeled his nerves. He would not let this mare walk all over him, like so many others had before,he would stand up for his rights, he would show them who was boss!
"Over my dead body!" he proclaimed bravely.
Twilight let out another, deeper growl.
The bookstore owner felt his bravery slowly drain out of his body, splashing onto the ground.
The books were duly tossed into the growing bonfire.
Spike tried again to be the voice of reason.
"Twilight, you still haven't explained why you're doing all this." he pointed out.
Upon hearing those words, Twilight groaned. Did she really have to explain what she was doing? Was it not obvious, even to those two simpletons who now looked at her with those idiotic eyes-
" No. No, it is not. "Spike deadpanned.
Twilight covered her mouth.
She let out a sight that rattled the bowels of Tartarus, then began to explain.
Fifteen minutes and two demonstrations later
" So you're doing this because you think that if all the copies of books, including the original manuscripts are gone, the authors will have no choice but to print new ones?" queried one of the ponies who had assembled around the impromptu stage Twilight had set up. This stage consisted of one of the few remaining piles of books which had not yet been burnt.
" Yes. Do you need me to do another practical demonstration, or will you let me get back to my business?"
The assembly considered this. On the one hoof, what Twilight had been doing - stealing books from the bookshops and libraries scattered around Ponyville and setting them on fire - was almost definitely a crime. On the other hoof, she had put forward some pretty good points for her actions during the impromptu explanation during the demonstration.
A few whispers, nods and looks around later, the assembly split in two to allow Twilight to pass, flamethrower and helmet in tow.
This was Ponyville after all.
A few days later
Dear Princess Celestia,
Since I have managed to finish every single piece of reading material in Equestria, I will henceforth attempt to get rid of every book in Equestria, in order to force the authors of our nation to write more books. Therefore, I write this letter to ask for your assistance in achieving this goal. Might I suggest forming a group of 'fireponies' to assist me in this task?
Yours Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle (451)
Princess Celestia replaced the letter on the table, where it continued to release the stench of flamethrower fuel. She smiled an empty smile.
"I was wondering when you would ask." she said to nopony in particular.
Author's Note
Banged this out in the span of three hours without editing. Feel free to leave prompts or criticism in the comments.
