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Derpy and the Muffin War!
Chapter 1: The calm before the delicious storm...
AUTHOR'S NOTES So I have been thinking of making a fanfic for a while. I am good at making stories, but for one reason or another I lose interest and never finish them. I hope this doesn't happen here, but this is also my first time entering the fanfic world. I have read many great fics and decided that making my own couldn't hurt. I am apprehensive at what opinions will be flung my way, but I am still proud that I have enough confidence in my ability to tell a story that this will work. If it doesn't, no skin off my back, I can write something more serious and intense. But I hope you enjoy this first little opening into a story that has been galloping (get it) in my head for a bit. Happy Hunting :3
The chiming of the bell tower overwhelmed the gathering of ponies from all over Ponyville. A heavy curiosity hung in the air as everypony was in excitement at what Princess Celestia had to say. She rarely ever has time to come to the town, but when she does she sure does bring a crowd.
Nothing was explicitly said as to why she was making such a visit, or what she had to say. It didn’t stop the crowd from talking about it in hushed whispers
“I heard from Mrs. Cake that it was because the Princess was gaining a few pounds”, said an awfully cheery pony with pink and blue swirls in her mane.
“‘Ave a right mind to think she is going to congratulate us on a job well don’ on this here harvest”, was the idea from a brightly orange pony.
Still more and more rumors were popping up at what it could be that the Princess wanted of the small time ponies.
Within the crowd of ponies however there stood a fairly unnerved one in the very back. She seemed to not pay any attention to any real conversation at that time. She wasn’t really paying attention to anything, except the muffin under her hoof.
Derpy Hooves was having enough enjoyment peering longingly at it. It took a little effort, but she finally was able to snag this particular muffin from the hooves of a baker. Putting on her best trickery, she stealthily grabbed it without any notice. Right below her was her reward for her “hard work”.
As she started to lower her head to take a snag of it however, there was a loud gasp in the crowd as all the townsfolk looked into the sky. Up above the clouds, falling fast, was a chariot of shining elegance. It was Princess Celestia’s personal chariot being towed by her faithful soldiers. Descending lower and lower, the crowd started to get even more excited if that was possible. The cheering started almost abruptly, but sure enough the excitement reached a peak.
The chariot carrying the prestigious royalty finally hit ground next to the town podium. Gracefully stepping out, Celestia took her steps with such pride to take her place at the podium’s top.
There was a short cough and silence befell the murmuring crowd. Not a word left the any mouth as the Princess was about to prepare what has been a much anticipated speech.
“Hello everypony”, said the Princess with a cheerful tone in her voice. “I have come to give what I hope will be a short, but very important speech. It has come to my attention that there has been a bit of strife coming from here.”
It was a bit of an understatement. The crops were harvested with well met responses, but there have been a few late havocs to enter the town. From the parasprite invasion, to a heard of wild animals; the random assortments of disasters can go on and on in such a short time. Hopefully she would remedy all this, with whatever she had in mind.
“I know that you have all fared with much vigor in spite of all this. This is why we, as in me and my sister, have come up with what we hope to be a brilliant plan. We feel like with all these disasters, that there can be only one solution.”
Here it comes. Maybe she will lend Ponyville a sum of funds to help with the repair costs.
“This solution will make sure that everypony is fairly treated.” she continued becoming more excited with every word.
Or maybe she has a plan for the neighboring lands to help. That could also be a valid plan. It sure would bring community-wide respect into play.
“...We will also make sure that nopony has an advantage over the other. That way all have a chance to win”. Wait what?
“That is why we have come up with our only solution...to hold a GRAND MUFFIN WAR!” the echo from the mike rattled through the area. Not a single word was coming out. It seemed as if time froze itself from the unmoving expressions on the sea of crowd members.
Mouths agape and eyes wildly fixated on the princess, not a single word was coming out. “Uh...” was all Celestia could muster. It has seemed that whatever response she was hoping for, she didn’t receive.
Among the crowd of stunned ponies, there was however one who stood out among the rest. Derpy was pulling off a much different expression than the other onlookers.
She was pulling of the biggest grin that anyone had ever seen.
After a good few moments, there was finally a pony with enough guts to speak.
“Uh Princess Celestia, did you say Muffin War?” said the purple unicorn. Well not just any unicorn, but Celestia’s very own student Twilight Sparkle.
“Why yes my faithful student I did. Why do you ask? I would have figured a much more...” the Princess pondered her thoughts for a moment before coming up with a respectful response “...excited response than what I am getting. Does nopony understand?”
The looks from the crowd expressed what everyone was thinking. With a disheartening sigh, the Celestia decided to continue on with whatever was left to recover of the ruined speech. “I figure I should be more specific on what this will entail.” She breathed another sigh, but this one filled with much more pep than her previous. Her recovery was quick. “Let me elaborate a bit more. The problem we were noticing is that there was so much havoc happening, and there was nothing we could do about it. Even if we fixed all the damages that were being caused, it wouldn’t fix all the stress that was arising out of you all. With that in mind, we figured the only way that could be handled would be through a contest of sorts. We needed something to relieve all the stress, while we fix the damages.”
Slowly, but surely the glued-on faces of all the ponies was dissipating and were instead being replaced by solid nods of approval. Some jubilant murmuring was coming up that showed some interest in what was going to take place. As the shocked faces turned into wide smiles, Princess Celestia started to grin and even chuckled a little at how fast everyponies mind changed.
“Well now...” Celestia started with a wide-grinned face, “...it seems that you all are interested in what this entails.” She stated with a hint of mystery. A wide array of approval was coming from the crowd to let the princess know she could continue.
With those fleeting words, she left the podium to a loud clopping of the ground. Getting in her carriage and flying away left the crowd to disperse with the list of items they will receive and what they will need to prepare for.
Even after the enormous crowd had left, there was still one gray pony left in the small square. With just a big a grin as when the word “muffin” was said.
The day had passed just as quickly as has come. The lights from inside the houses lit up parts of the town, but no more than a few sections. All was quiet on the outside, but the inside of Derpy’s home was far different. She did a little dance as the events of the day finally settled in. She had been doing her daily mail runs, but got sidetracked into wanting to find out where the alluring smell of the muffins were coming from. Only being able to acquire one was enough to satisfy her until she could get home and get her hooves onto the stash of muffins in her kitchen.
DEAR PONYVILLE RESIDENT, RULES
No cheating shall be conducted during the event. This can include the use of wings for longer than a select amount of time and the use of magic. NO MAGIC WHATSOEVER.
You will wear the proper attire or be disqualified on inspection.
The tools you will be given are the only ones that will be issued and used for fair play
You may use whatever muffin you find on the fields of battle. There will be a diverse amount, but note that eating your “ammo” can be unhelpful towards your goal
Finally I must say to have fun and assuredly try your hardest to win this wonderful event. The prize that will be given to the champion pony strong enough to triumph over the others will be revealed Friday. Be sure to rest up and have lots of fun
-Yours truly, Princess Celestia
Derpy made sure to read through the letter a couple of times so as to fully understand what she must do. With a pleasant “woo” she retreated to bed. Her dreams being filled with blissful bubbles and scrumptious muffins for all her enjoyment...
The time flew by quickly as Friday was finally upon the citizens. All the ponies had started gathering early enough, but there were a few who woke up mere moments ago. All of them very excited for the war.
All the ponies had a customized vestment on, made of a strong metal alloy of some kind. It had a zipper attached to the front so if it needed to be removed it could be. They were all different from the others in terms of color and symbol. All the vestments had the cutie mark of the pony attached to them, plus the pony’s favorite color or scheme.
Derpy’s had a gray overall color with some blue on the chest. On the very end of it lay her bubble cutie mark which she proudly shook. Today was going to be the beginning of a fun adventure in her mind.
Suddenly a noise disturbed the conversations that were taking place and all looked over to the podium. Princess Celestia blushed a little at the embarrassment of having to knock the mike to get a response, but quickly recovered her composure. “Good morning everypony”, she said with jubilance.
The crowd around the area responded in kind.
“Today marks the beginning of what I hope will be a very good time for all. With that said, I believe I have a duty to uphold”.
The crowd started stomping their hooves and crouching down in preparation for the rising of the sun, Derpy stood vigilant.
And so we go...
Derpy and the Muffin War!
Chapter 2.1: First Casualties
AUTHOR'S NOTE I hope I won't need to do these notes all the time, but it couldn't hurt to get my insight on what is going on and my decisions. So you may be wondering why this is called "2.1" and there is a simple answer (if you can go with my reasoning). So I have enough time to read whatever I want (which can include 9K+ fic chapters), but I don't have all the time to write. So I have to make sure I put in an effort with every word. I split this in two, because of the two distinct sections of this particular chapter. I wanted to make sure I left you with enough to read for a while, but also so there isn't any need to put it down. I can elaborate more in the comments, cause this is taking up space...and I should just shut up now so you can get to the story Happy Hunting :3
“LET THE GAMES BEGIN!”
The wind breezed by with nary a care. All was silent for those pristine moments. The collective excitement taking a standstill as the words flew by. A soft rustling of minor movement could be picked up over the dead silence. Starting up slow, there was a collective amount of rustling.
The games were surely beginning indeed.
A loud snap from a fallen twig seemed to awaken most of the individuals near the podium and the stampede began. Speeding past the before empty buildings were now a flock of ponies. All of them were in a rush to get to safety from beyond their competitors.
Seemingly on cue, the wind changed direction again.
The town square had become completely empty, except for the Princess and her guards.
“Well I think they are all ready to get it on. Don’t you think so Parcel?” Celestia said to one of the guards to her left.
“Right you are Princess! However, I do hope none of the citizens take this too seriously. It would be quite a disaster if anypony got hurt.” the guard named Parcel confidently stated.
“Yes, that would be quite...unfortunate”. It wasn’t completely obvious, but Parcel could have sworn there was a soft chuckle under her stern demeanor.
“Now then, it seems we should get a good spot to watch all the fun”, Celestia started trotting towards the chariot that had brought her to the town and called to be taken away.
Oh yes...this will be fun indeed.
Long after the Princess had left to wherever she was going to take watch on the whole area, stood Derpy huddled behind a tree. It seems in all the commotion of the war actually starting, she took to safety in case there was actually going to be a major breakout right then and there. Luckily though nothing happened, and she was safe to come out from her hiding spot.
Taking a survey of the area, nothing looked out of place except for the distinct lack of ponies. From the looks of it, it seems that all had fled deep into the town for cover. It took a second...or fifty for Derpy to ponder, but she came to the conclusion that that was where most of the action would take place.
Happily content with her dissection of the situation, she trotted at a slow pace to enter the confines of the town. The square was the most open space in all of Ponyville and thus would be the most obvious location to get discovered. With that in mind, Derpy walked along the alleyways that adorned the buildings.
Stealthily crawling her way across the passages, she found there to be no activity at all. She had a traveled a good amount of yards, but still it was like a ghost town. How odd . Still she traveled deeper into the unknown hoping that there was at least someone around. It couldn’t be like they all vanished into thin air right?
“Wait”. Derpy put on her most serious face as she concentrated on the thoughts in her head. What if they are all playing hide-and-seek!? Of course that was the answer! They were all just hiding from her. With this new profound sense of wonder she decided that if they were playing, then she would have to try extra, super hard to catch them.
Taking a turnaround on a corner, she went into open territory in front of some shops. Now where could they be hiding? Taking in her surroundings, she seemed to be in front of the Sugarcube Corner. Hesitant at first, she decided that this would be the perfect spot to hide, if they were indeed playing.
She slowly opened the door with a slight approval of the atmosphere. She usually comes in here once in a while to deliver treats for the shop, and then spends a good amount of time drooling over the confectionary. It takes the strength of both the Cakes and Pinkie Pie to stop her, but in the end she’ll take her leave with grace.
With those memories in place, she looked at the surroundings and made a noise that was more of breathe of needed air than a gasp.
No one was here.
Frantically searching, there was indeed no sign of anyone running the shop. There wasn’t even the slightest clue that anyone was even here at all. The shop was cleaned out from top to bottom. No scrumptious cakes filled with confetti. No delightful cupcakes sprinkled with only the finest bits of sugar. No form of sugary-delight was in sight at all. It looked like the place had been ransacked, but that was only a hunch. Maybe they took the treats and left? That was only a guess really.
There was no clue of the current location of the Cakes or the scrumptious foods that lay previously in their spots.Hmmph!
With much determination in her crossed eyes, she took her stride into the kitchen; a good a place as any to hide. Taking a big leap, she dove into the kitchen like a lion. “AH HAH! I got yo-”. She trailed off as she noticed the same similarity with the previous room.
No one is here either.
With that bit of hope dashed from her, Derpy began to form a frown. It seems her hope to find someone had been thrust from her just as she was in need.
Picking herself up, she came to the conclusion that there was no one in the vicinity. Taking some apprehensive steps, she made her way to the exit.
Fwump.
Huh? Picking up her ears on the location of the sound, she turned around. There swiveling in place was a vase that had previously been sitting very steadily on the stand behind it. Moving over, Derpy decided to kick it in hopes of discovering its dark secrets. With a mighty shove, it flung across the corner and hit the stairs. Peeved that it moved such a distance, she ran over to it and collided with the stairs. With a mighty thunk she started rolling her head in dismay. Shaking a few times, Derpy got her mind back into place, rubbing the place on her forehead that took the brunt of the damage.
Getting back into focus, she looks up high towards the top of the staircase. It was quick, but Derpy could swear she saw a shadow of something moving up above. Taking some cautious steps, she makes her way to the top.
The creaking of the aged steps pulls the silence out of the shop. A resounding moan continued, making Derpy cringe with each step she took. Hitting the top of the staircase, she finally found solace. Waiting a few seconds to compose her breathing, Derpy made her way along the upper level. She finally reached the last known location of the fleeing shadow. Hoping to find someone or something to speak to, she carefully edged her way to the doors entrance.
Every breath caused a low amount of mist to be released into the air. The room in front of Derpy was definitely much colder than the rest of the surrounding area. Shaking her mane, she carefully pushed the door ajar enough to see inside.
Nothing.
Pushing it all the way open, she strode inside to get a better look at the entire room. It looked like a baby’s room. No wait . More like two baby’s room. Remembering that the cakes had recently acquired two bundles of joy, one a unicorn and the other a pegasus, she noticed that there were in fact two little cribs for them. Smiling in relief at her previous fear, she continued forward into the room over to the cribs. Seeing some soft motion under covers of one of the cribs, she silently placed a hoof above it. Wanting to get a better look at the little baby, she took the covers off.
WOOSH!
Derpy ducked just in time to have something round flash past her ready to take her head off. Eyes wide in fear, she looked over to see the culprit. The room may have been in the dark with the lights off, but there was enough sunshine from the curtains to tell her what it was. A cupcake.
Derpy made a soft noise showing interest in the cupcake, so she took a few brave steps towards it. It appeared to be a pink one with blue frosting, and little white ice crystals for sprinkles. Licking her lips, she decided to take a bite out of it. She suddenly gasped in delight at the very delicious morsel of pastry. Deciding that it was good enough to eat, she finished off the rest; making sure to lick the rest off of the wall for good measure.
Satisfied with her small snack, she peered over to the other crib and noticed that it too had some soft motions underneath to indicate another being. “Maybe it is another cupcake”, Derpy thought out loud in the dim room. Using the same motion as last, she pulled the covers off with mouth wide open to accept the delightful treat that awaited her.
That treat never came...
A shadowed figure swooped from the carriage, ready to maim its prey. Derpy fumbled to the wall in a messy tangle of hooves and cloth. Whatever this thing wanted, she was sure it wasn’t all too good. Rattling her head to clear the fuzziness of the tumble, she picked herself up to get a clearer image of her assailant. Just as suddenly as her vision came back, she was tossed into another fumble with her attacker. No time to make any rationalized moves; she quickly grabbed whatever she could. In a last ditch effort she was able to grasp part of the cloth that the figure was wearing to cover their identity. Making a tight, firm hold on it, Derpy flung the mysterious mare away in time to get a second of freedom.
No sooner had her attacker been flown across the room, Derpy was once again struck. Being kicked aside, she lost even more of her vision and nausea started settling in. What is even going on? Derpy thought as she was pummeled to the ground again. In a daze of confusion, she tried to grab whoever was attacking her, but failed in the end. Only tiring herself out, she collapsed slightly. Very much on the brink of fainting, she fell to the ground in vast exhaustion.
The images of her surroundings started flying by her in quick sweeps, giving her no notice of where exactly she was anymore. Is this it? Am I going to lose it here? All these fleeting thoughts penetrated what little sanity she had left to muster.No...No....no. All she could do was keep saying that one word over and over in her head until she lost track of what it even meant anymore. This was it, whatever happened now HAD to happen! With whatever energy she had left, she willed it to the surface. In this last ditch effort, with one clean strike she needed to make. The sound of knuckle against cranium echoed out across the quiet room. A loud slam reached the end of the room, letting Derpy know that her hit had some effect.
A loud groan came from across the other wall, and with that came a crash. Derpy didn’t know what it was, but a soft tune could be heard lively entertaining the space between her and the other individual. It was a lullaby tune from the sounds of it, which had a somewhat clear effect on the person it tumbled on. Derpy was starting to pick herself up from the ground, in an effort to recover from the fiasco she was just in. Lazily drooping from one side to the next, she balanced herself on the crib to her left. The lullaby tune ringing through her ears had started to get her focus back.
She could easily see the masked individual, unconscious from the looks of it. Shaking her head once or twice, Derpy had finally managed to not vomit and got her act back together. Slowly she stumbled over to the attacker so she could find out who it was. And for better reason, why? Tripping over her own hooves once or twice she made the short trek to the other wall finally. Taking a deep breath she removed the mask.
“Wha...what!?” was all she could muster as her attacker was unveiled. Mrs. Cakes.
Collecting her thoughts once more, she tried to put two and two and four and three together, to get a better image of the situation. Whatever her reasoning, Mrs. Cakes had assaulted Derpy. Frowning a little, she tried to wake up the completely unconscious Mrs. Cakes so she could question her.
After a minute of trying, she finally gave up. It seems she would need to get her answers later—
“HONEY-BUN!” came a loud cry from the entrance to the room. Not having enough time to see who had now just entered the blatantly bad scene, Derpy was shoved aside by another masked individual. Mr. Cakes.
In the sake of interest, Derpy watched as Mr. Cakes struggled a bit to wake up his wife. He put in more effort than she did, and seemed to be paying off. Mrs. Cakes started arising out of her seemingly deep slumber in a stumble. “What happened” she questioningly asked. Mr. Cakes gave her an approving nod that was more out of relief than an answer to her. “Don’t worry my little sugar dumpling. You’re alright” he reassuringly stated.
Sighing in honest relief, Mrs. Cakes picked herself up surprisingly well. Brushing off the dust from her tumble she brought up a mighty huff . She had been keeping her eyes closed this whole time, probably in an effort to get her thoughts in check.
“Well now Miss Hooves”, she started with cheerful pep. Derpy stood up a little bit more, happy that Mrs. Cakes was okay.
“Are you okay?” she said while breaking out her trademark grin. “Yes, yes I am. However...” That is odd. She sounded happy a minute ago. “I believe you crossed the line Derpy!” a thundering roar had crept up out of her throat. Uh oh...this isn’t good. In a flash, Mrs. Cakes was back to her assassin mode, with Mr. Cakes right by her side.
This was no place to be, even Derpy knew that. With no time to think she had to make an escape. Any escape! She made a dash to the door in hopes to gain freedom. THUD! Derpy was knocked back by Mr. Cakes with more strength than she thought he had.
“Uh...Uh”, spouted Derpy in a nonsensical manner. Gazing over to her side, she noticed her last remaining hope. The window. It may be a little painful, but this was her only way out. In a mad dash, she crashed through the window. Tumbling to the ground, she landed on a soft patch of dirt. Scrambling up, she looked over her surroundings. There were many places she could run, so she dived to the right; trying her hardest to get away from the Cakes. Why didn’t I just fly away?!
Soon enough there were hoofs galloping with increased pace. They were gaining on her...and fast.
Derpy and the Muffin War!
Chapter 2.2: A Sweet Situation
Left right left right left right...the quickly executed dodges had started become habit rather than uncoordinated turns. Derpy was in a panic trying to escape her chasers. The alleyways seemed to be able to go on for forever. So too did the seemingly unending energy her pursuers had.
It was becoming more than apparent that they were catching up quickly; as such, Derpy had to come up with something fast or she would be caught no doubt. Looking ahead of her, she saw an opening from the looks of it. A small gap in the space between two well-placed buildings; small, but it could be her only hope.
With no time for second thoughts, she picked up her pace. SNAP! A wave of pain shot from Derpy’s left side. She couldn’t exactly see where the pain originated, but it sounded like her wing retracted itself. I won’t be able to fly myself out of this she thought. The pain would have to wait, for now she needed to escape. Taking every ounce of strength, she dove into the crevasse.
She made it!
Still no time to stop, she dashed to the end of the gap and dove straight into the opening. Searching her surroundings in quick motions of swiftly turning her head, it looked like she had exited the shopping district. A sigh of relief made its way out of Derpy, exhausted but alive.
It didn’t look like her pursuers were taking chase anymore, but she had to be sure. A few tentative steps to peer over the edge of the gap told her what she wanted. They weren’t there anymore...good.
Laying her head down in relief, Derpy started making her way through whatever portion of town she was now in. It looked like a nice neighboring district. There appeared to be a school in the far distance, but apart from that it was a pretty quaint area. There were some gardens in her general location as well as all over the place. The word homey was coming to mind as she passed by some floral pots and flower shops.
GRRRRUUUUUAAAAAAA
The loud rumbling startled Derpy as she took cover behind a particularly small potted vase. Peering behind it in shivers, she tried to find whatever caused that horrible noise. Noticing that no one was in sight, she became confused. Looking over to her left, right, behind her, up, and directly underneath she still found nothing that could have caused it.
GRRRRUUUUUAAAAAAA
Once more the noise came from apparently nowhere. Instead of being confused this time around, she started to get annoyed. The sound had no reason for being there. Just thinking about it made her—
Wait a minute...
Pulling her bottom lip over her top, she scratched the underside of her chin in a knowing manner. This would take a risk, but she was prepared for the consequences if the noise was what she thought it was. Nipping at the bag over her shoulder, she started searching for one of its contents. Perking her ears up, it appeared she found what she was searching for.
A muffin.
Carefully eyeing the muffin, she brought it down to chest level.
GRRRRUUUUUAAAAAAA
Her calculations being correct, she devoured it in one swift motion. “Of course I am hungry. I haven’t had a muffin in...” She started to trail off in thought at how long ago her previous meal was. It seemed ages ago, but may have in fact just been that morning. Scratching her head from the overextending of her brainpower, she decided to shut down and continue on forward.
She had been following what seemed to be the most straightforward path for the past few minutes without much thought. There had been something nagging on the back of her mind for a while now. It started after she had made her escape from the Cakes, but it was relevant. Where is everypony else? Surely there were more than just two other competitors, she contemplated. In fact, she was pretty sure she saw a good deal greater amount at the town square when this all began.
From her calculations earlier, she had thought that the war would be taking place in the streets of the town, but from what she has seen so far, there has been little disturbance in terms of actual damage to property. There weren’t any traces that anything had actually occurred.
The events from previous had started to take their toll on Derpy as she sat down near a bench in the vicinity. Letting everything finally hang over her, she decided she needed to take a look at the injury to her wing she received. Trying to lift it at first, it barely lifted an inch up. The extent of the damage wasn’t too bad, but she definitely wasn’t going to be flying her way out of any situation anytime soon.
After sitting around for a bit more to collect the rest of her scattered thoughts, she picked herself up and started moving further down her way. With really know way to know where to head off to; the best bet would be farther into town. This was a war after all, and she needed to get into the fray of things at some point. With this new profound sense of commitment in mind, she shuffled away from the garden area and headed into deeper into the vastly unknown district.
The sun shining high above was putting dense rays of light onto the purple-striped parasol. “What a nice, sunny day. Am I right Blight?” Commented the alicorn nonchalantly.
“Yes Princess it is” The guard Blight responded in same fashion. He lazily held stood watch over the Princess as was his duty. He had to make sure that neither of the Princesses was in danger of an attack, a trip. Pretty much an injury of any kind he had to prevent. Every now and again he would move to the side of either end of the roof, so as to keep watch for any intruder.
Princess Celestia was cheerily sipping from a banana smoothie as she took in the rays. She wouldn’t be able to really work up a tan, but it did bring her a pleasant sensation. How she put it would be the feeling of laying in cooling magma...or something to that extent.
Taking another sip of her drink, she turned her head slightly and removed her sunglasses. “I wonder how everypony is doing. I would swear they were all hiding from each other.” Acting on this thought, she decided to walk over to one of the edges and survey what was happening.
Forming a frustrated frown, she found that her thoughts weren’t as correct as she had them suspected, but they weren’t entirely wrong either. There were indeed fights breaking out; muffins being tossed from across large distances. There were not however massive outbreaks between large groups. Peeved at this Celestia started up, “I believe I need to take hold of this and see what happens.”
With a swift motion of her horn, she produced a small amount of magic and shot upwards into the sky; soon after small patches of clouding could be seen in the mist of the sunshine. Rainclouds.
Happily content with what she did, Celestia decided to retract back into her chair and sip from her drink. Curious, Blight decided to question what Celestia did.
“Uh my Princess, what exactly did you do?”
“Ah my dear Blight, I just stirred up some fun is all.” She jubilantly called out.
Deciding on not questioning his Princess further, he went back to his previous position of scouting.
Oh yes...just a LITTLE fun.
Derpy and the Muffin War!
Chapter 3: Rain clouds, Magic, and a Twist
AUTHOR'S NOTE I can only hope I won't have to create another intense chapter like this again haha...so long...SO LONG D:! Happy Hunting :3
Cover! Need cover!
Scrambling to make it out of the way of the spluttering of muffins coming across the way, the lone pony was searching for cover of any kind. At this point a box would work perfectly in this situation.
Another dodge here and there, the mass chaos surrounding the district was inescapable. Both sides were taking massive fire as the quaint, little shopping center had become the battlegrounds for a turning point in this war.
Drip...drip...drip...drip...drip
It had seemingly started to rain out of nowhere. Then again, there was strange weather happening all over Ponyville. Strong gusts of wind in the west, desert-like heat in the south. There was even a distinct odor festering itself in the north and quickly spreading.
Whatever in Equestria was going on, it was happening in a manner unlike anypony has seen.
Fastening her vestment, the battle-worn pony strode out to the battlefield once more. Taking a strong nosedive, she managed to dodge another muffin. Calming herself through slow, deep breaths; she blind threw a muffin hoping it would hit something.
BOOOOOOOOM!
What the...?
Checking over the edge of her cover, she noticed a gaping crater in the middle of the two sides. With no time to investigate, she lunged over the potted section, and charged forward. Here is where I’ll take my last stand!
This was the last known recording of Twilight Sparkle in the heated battle of Silver District...
One hour previous
She had been stalking her victim for countless moments. There wasn’t a sign yet that they knew whoever was watching them was ready to pounce as soon as a moment of weakness shone. Peering over a metal swing, Derpy clenched her eyes to get a more precise focus. A sniffs of the air gave her the unmistakable hint of raspberry hung low. It started a little above her head, but trailed slowly down to the object in front of her.
Licking her lips in anticipation, she waited until the moment was right. She had taken notice earlier of a cloud drifting by; when it hovered over her that would be the moment to strike.
Taking a hoof to pick up the traces of drool foaming at her mouth, Derpy was losing it. Her patience paid off though as the cloud finally hit its intended mark. “RAAAAAAAAAWR!” said Derpy with a triumphant cry.
Breaking out her sizeable jaw, she ferociously tore at the helpless muffin. It could do nothing as bit by tiny bit, it was maimed. With a delightful mmm! Derpy trotted her merrily way.
Even with all the commotions that had occurred previous, Derpy was in fact bored with the day. What with this whole war taking place, her job had been put on hold. She wasn’t delivery hopeful news or meeting up with anyone. There just wasn’t enough happening that would be able to replace her everyday experiences. Still, Derpy had managed to keep up a positive attitude that that would change.
Making a left in the intersection she had come across, there was still a vast expanse of nothing. “This is just no fun” she expressed with sincere displeasure. “Hey, is anyone here?!”
No reply.
Allowing herself another intake of exasperation, she gazed around and around and around. Causing herself to fumble to the ground in a bout of dizziness, she slowly picked herself up. At least that is what she tried as she once again found the ground to be in her nose. Seemingly mocking her, she frowned at it and spat at the ground.
Realizing how ridiculous her argument against the all-powerful ground was, she decided to try again. This time she carefully allowed one hoof to stretch out in front of her. Pulling in her legs, she pushed them up with a resounding pop! and landed on all fours.
The ground was being scuffed by hooves and grass could be heard rustling in the distance. The air was filled with a scent of fear quickly amassing around the park. Derpy made sure not to let her gaze drift off of the figure in front of her (or at least go un-crossed). Tension rising, someone had to make a move. The figure in shadow opened their mouth, but Derpy was quick to shut them down. “What do you want!” she demanded.
With a look of confusion, the figure was at a loss to reply. It wasn’t much of a victory, but Derpy was more than pleased she was able to halt someone’s retort. Now all she had to do was act upon this fine opportunity.
“Why is it that you are doing this, here in that front of...” she had started to blend her thoughts together in a slur of words. Nice.
This time the other figure did not try to reply and instead took action. A few tentative steps led into an all-out dash towards Derpy. Contact was made in no short of time. Flying onto her back, she tried to roll over, but failed in her plight. Now the figure was on top of her, getting ready to deal the final blow. All it would take is one; swift pummel and she would be out for good. Oh dear!
A breeze blew through the space between the two huddled masses. More seconds passed as she awaited her demise. Even more time past by and there was no pain or any feeling to signify she had been assaulted. What the heck is going on? she thought to herself.
She daintily opened one eye to see what went wrong. Gasping in a profound moment of realization, she flung herself back up, knocking off the figure. A little disheveled, the figure was able to pick themselves up with some low, but audible groans.
“You know you didn’t have to go and do that Derpy” responded the figure after recovering.
Gasping in mock horror, “OH I’M JUST SO SORRY TWILIGHT I WAS JUST...WELL I THOUGHT...OH” in a frantic state, the figure started to shake Derpy’s shoulders in hope it would calm her down.
“Yes well I’m just glad you finally recognized me” stated the still shadowed figure. Content that Derpy had recognized them, they decided to pull of the shadow enchantment.
Annoyed, but happy nonetheless stood Twilight Sparkle.
One meet-and-greet later, Derpy followed Twilight ahead. “So you are saying there is a...pre...cirsus?” Twilight taking a slight nod at Derpy’s confusion of the word, she helped her out.
“Precision. It means being exact in simple terms.” Nodding slightly at the help, Derpy trotted happily along with Twilight further.
“So there is this pre...precision group! That you are a part of?”
Giving an approving node, Twilight continued on with the details. “I met them when I was running from a band of others. They were pretty intent on taking me down, but I was able to outwit them for a moment.” Taking a second to firmly grasp her thoughts, “But then they eventually cornered me. I was just about to ‘wave the white flag’ when they showed up. It was pretty nice of them, but I was told that I would have to conform to their ranks if it was to stay that way.”
“What are they like?” Derpy quickly questioned with a small chuckle.
“Oh they sure know their stuff!” she said with great enthusiasm. “Organized and on-demand strategists, I think I fit perfectly!” Twilight realizing what she said, blushed slightly at her over-ecstatic attitude. “Anyways! I think you will do perfectly. I can assuredly guarantee that.”
Looking at her surroundings, Derpy found that they were exiting the residential areas and coming into the business sections. There were some high buildings, with fewer outbreaks of plant life. The air had become increasingly dusty from entering this area. Without taking notice of it, they continued on deeper and deeper.
Walking along, Derpy hit a bit of the ground a little too hard and made a huge cloud of dust run into her face. Twilight turned to notice Derpy causing a major fuss. “Calm down Derpy! You’re going to kick up more if you keep that up” She warned. Still, nothing could be done with what was occurring. In a massive state of confusion, more dust was being kicked up forming a layer of it in the air. At the same time, a small gust of wind had picked up.
“What is causing all this weird weather? I thought it died down, but I just don’t know anymore” Twilight commented in fear.
In front of the fleeing duo, there appeared to be no side streets that could be taken at the immediate moment. All available paths were too close to the streets, that any effort to hide would be in vain.
Twilight become frantic as she tried her hardest to discover something that would be able to provide cover for her and the flailing Derpy.
In shaking spouts, “Tw-light-plea-se-stop-or-I-wil-l-hurl.”
Taking a moment to collect herself, Twilight went into a state of intense focus. Searching the surroundings once moreover, there was something off to the side she never noticed before. THERE! In the far back behind a fountain, was a small building...with an open cellar. Galloping in long strides, Twilight quickly mustered all her strength for one last push to safety. The dust storm was directly behind them now, ever lazily grazing Derpy’s tail.
Feeling the sting of skin against sand, she hopped under Twilight and boosted her up. This was it, the last second before their end. She started to flap her wings, wincing at the sting of her earlier encounter. Overcoming all that, she still tried to flap them as hard as she could. There was a second of feeling weightless and Derpy realized she was just barely off the ground.
Brushing past this excitement, she took a slight dip to pass by the fountain and head straight towards their opening. Bits of sand could be felt on her back, burning her in rapid succession. No! I need to make this! Gritting her teeth, Derpy lunged forward in a last ditch effort for extra momentum. “WE AREN’T GOING TO MAKE IT” Screamed Twilight in intense fright. Closing their eyes at the last moment, they accepted this tragic truth...
TUMBLETUMBLETUMBLETUMBLETUMBLE!
A dank drip from a running faucet enlivened the darkened interior of the cellar. Shifting shadows were attacking the door above as the sandstorm passed. Its intense roar was still ravaging away as if in anger.
Drip...drip...drip...drip...
Piercing the air in a constant cycling, the broken faucet droplets continued on. The duos tumble to the far floor of the cellar had dismantled planks along the stairs. Cracks where fresh bumps groaned, splinters lying about on perfectly intact boards. Low light from the cracks in the cellar door permeated what lay on the stairs end. One gray pony lay splashed across a purple one in a lazy position.
Derpy softly positioned her hoof to the side to gain better posture. Struggling at first, she was able to pull one half above the other and topple to the side of Twilight so as not to crush her. Eyes still closed in response to the pain she just endured, Derpy placed a hoof on her forehead to calm the raging headache now present. Soft droplets of sweat covered her heaping lump of a body. Splinters, bruising, cuts, and grains of sand covered her.
All the while, Twilight seemed to be unconscious. There were some semblances that she could feel her surroundings, but unless you count heavy breathing a sign, there wasn’t much else. Taking in the small gap they lay in at the moment, Derpy tried to gain vision of the interior of the cellar. Too dark. She thought as she quickly gave up on that happening. Still, she needed to do something if she was going to get them out. Trying out a different strategy, she listened instead of relying on sight.
Drip...drip...drip...drip...
Picking up more of the cellar, she heard a leaky faucet, a buzzing from some lantern in the distance, some soft movement possibly from a stray bug keeping safe in here until the sandstorm died down. Cursing in frustration, Derpy slowly shuffled to one side until she was sure she had a grip on her weight; then proceeded to flip onto her belly, hitting a wall with her hooves ,she resisted the urge to stop. Taking ever more effort, she managed to throw a few under her and throw all the power she could in a shove up. It failed.
“I just don’t know what went wrong” She said in desperation.
Sniffling a bit at their situation, she started to drift into sleep. Head bobbing, and sight growing weaker, she let herself slowly collapse. Tap. Tip. Tap. Tip. Tap . A noise broke the devoted sounds of the dank cellar. Derpy strained one eye open in hopes of figuring out what it was, before she once again drifted off.
“Srllggjshwhelpthem” said somepony in the distance. The slurred speech wasn’t really slurred, but her ears giving out.
Feeling herself just about ready to give in, one last sight gave her fear or hope. She couldn’t really tell for sure, but the pony in front of her looked to be wearing body armor. A shuffling noise was happening next to her, as Derpy saw Twilight being dragged away by another figure. “Wait...what...are...you” She struggled in one last motion.
Slowly the room swirled in one single motion. Darkness.
Wondrous patches of flowers bloomed across the wide expanse of the garden. The invisible sun that glowed bright enough to allow all inhabitants its warmth. A small package was in the midst of this entire wonderland. Happily skipping her merry way, a gray pony frolicked in what was essentially paradise. She noticed the package a while ago and had finally found her way to its little section of the world. It was strange for it to be here, but then again random things happened like that here. The day before last there was a rainbow of bubbles that had seemingly just formed from nothing. Derpy intent on finding the contents as fast as possible shredded the package into a million tiny pieces with her ferocious jaws. In one swift explosion, an infinite amount of muffins showered out of the tiny package. Falling down in a sprinkler-affect, Derpy looked up and danced. Spinning in her little corner of the world, she was content as could be. There wasn’t any mischief or mishap, no war. There were just her and her muffins, rainbows, flowers, bubbles, and friends when they decided to visit from time to time. Paradise! What a wonderful paradise!
CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!
The noise was ceaseless and shook the foundations of her paradise. Flowers were being thrown, muffins shredding, and all the while stood a stunned lover of these items. Crying out to her lovely creations, she sunk into darkness. The paradise she was in moments ago rose above her as she fell into the pit of nothing. Her cries had become silent, her tears gone; the happy-go-lucky pony had fallen into nonexistence...
Shocked awake, Derpy withstood the want to cry out. Flashing lights and images of her dream wove in and out of her vision. Tipping over slightly, she stuck up her head in hopes to not fall down. She had originally thought the room to be completely dark, but in fact was not. Hanging above her was a buzzing lantern that shone an eerie-yellow hue into her eyes. The room was dank and smelled as if it hadn’t been cleaned in what seems like ages, but it was nonetheless still in condition to sleep in. Scratching the side of her head, she stood up. Looking down she noticed there was a blanket where she previously slept. Wonder what that’s doing there. Pondering only for a moment, she lost care in the blanket and circled around the room.
It appeared that this room wasn’t as dank and empty as she had thought it to be. There was a desk near a far corner, covered in a light dust. To the left were some rusty chairs, with tearing pieces of blue paint upon them. A small cluster of papers were shuffled off to the corner nearest her, in a neatly laid out pile. They had old writing on them, possibly not have been even been looked upon for even longer than the room.
Grunting at the simplicity of it all, Derpy continued her tour through the domain. The buzzing of light from above kept a little atmosphere in the otherwise silent room. Carefully trudging her way into the darker parts, she found a handle. Woo a door! Taking a firm grip upon the handle, she turned to open. A clank and it didn’t move anymore. She tried to do this a few more times before giving up. Either the handle was already broken or the age-old door really just died out. But then how did I get in here? she pondered.
Deciding that there was more going on than seemed previous, she tried to find more clues of her whereabouts. Trying a little too hard at her search, she knocked up a thick layer of dust straight into her nostrils. ACHOO! The wrinkle upon her face tightened in a spastic flurry of blows to her.
Clank. Clank.
A previously unknown noise filled the room. It caused everything to stand on edge; even the light source flickered in fear of it. Frozen solid, Derpy had to find the source of the noise or she would find herself having more than a sneezing fit. Turning swiftly to face the door, she saw something in the dim lighting. A small ounce of light seemed to penetrate the doorknob. Upon closer inspection there seemed to be a moving a glow on it as well. It was turning.
Feeling panic swell in her once more, she tried to find anything to hide in or under. One look around the room told her the only safe place would be the desk. Perfect! Diving towards to the desk, she picked up her tail and cowered in a huddle. Now it can’t see me hahah! The creaking continued, until a final click told of its finish. A breeze blew through the room, and the door was opened wide.
Something was blocking the doorway, preventing whatever light lay beyond from fully covering the small area. Derpy recognized the pony standing stock still immediately. It was the same pony who had found her and Twilight after they got away from the dust storm. Rage filling inside her for the audacity of this brute, she grew over her fright and lunged after her target. Oomph! Flung back from her failed assault, she landed onto her already sore back.
Walking towards Derpy, the soldier seemed to not take notice of her failure. Instead, he directed his attention to the light up above. “These really need to be replaced. They suck!” He said with a charming laugh.
Confused, Derpy could only look at him as he kicked it a few times. The lantern shone brightly for a few seconds before dimming once more. “Ah well, what you can do about it. Well not you, more like Clop. That old buzzard still thinks we can get by with the simplest necessities, but I would like a bit more.”
Now more in the dark than before, Derpy got the urge to speak to this seemingly charming stallion. “Who are you?” she questioned.
Finally taking notice of her, he decided to respond. “Who me? Names Chuck, but all my good buds call me Chuckles.”
She could guess why.
At least she now knew his name, now was where the real question came into place:
“DO YOU KNOW WHERE TWILIGH IS?!”
...a little louder than I said it in my head she thought.
A little stunned at the volume, Chuckles recovered quickly. “Sure, just follow me.”
Leaving the decrepit room, Chuckles led Derpy ahead of where she was found. The farther they walked, the livelier their surroundings became. Water-stained walls became peeling paper, which became newly masked floral patterns. Derpy had originally thought this to be some kind of prison, but the more she looked, the better of it seemed. It looked more like a flower shop than anything; just with a massive backroom. Birds started to be filling the emptiness, as well as the sounds of a crowd. There were all kinds of noises from small talk, to the moving of materials. Whatever was going beyond this hallway, it was a big operation.
They made it to the end, and with a small shove the double doors opened to what could only be scene in movies. There appeared to be more guards in the camouflage vests than just the two that had happened upon Derpy and Twilight earlier. It looked to be well over thirty or fifty individuals. All of them were working fast, moving carts, shuffling muffins into makeshift cannons, eating. She was so enthralled at all going on around her; she didn’t notice Chuckles grinning vehemently at her.
A little taken off guard, she jumped. Laughing up a storm, Chuckles pulled her forward to where he had wanted to take her. There was a table sitting in front of a fully taken off corner of the shop. Its walls had been blasted through so as to easily maneuver into it. Sitting at the table was an individual Derpy did not know and one she almost gripped to death in affection: Twilight.
Twilight was shocked at being knocked to the ground in a frenzy of tight hugs, but nonetheless was happy to see Derpy alive. “I’m glad you’re okay Derpy...but could you please un-grip me?...I’m kind of losing air here.”
Blushing at her actions, Derpy nodded in acceptance and released Twilight.
All the while, the gruff stallion to Twilight’s right had been staring at the whole scene. In a mocking noise of annoyance, he started to sip from his blackened drink. Taking a few seconds to let the others compose themselves, “So as I was saying Ms. Twilight. I feel that if you be put on the front lines, that we would be able to strike terrible fear for our assault.”
Coughing from her recent recovery, “Yes, well, I don’t think I can really accept that. I’m not much of a fighter, so I don’t see how much good I COULD do.” Putting the extra emphasis on could, she sipped from her tea in front of her.
“What is this old one talking ‘bout Twilight?” Derpy interjected.
Taken aback from her question, the “old gruff” retaliated. “OLD! OLD!? Ms. Hooves I will have you know that you must show respect for your elders!” he was quickly showing signs of blowing a vein in his already throbbing temple. “Besides...I’m not old at all. I am forty-two for your information.” Content with his loss of temper, he took a mighty chug from his cup and finished off his drink.
“Now back to businu--”
“GENERAL CLOP! WE HAVE TROUBLE!” In rushed a clearly frightened pony about to lose whatever sanity she had left.
“What is it Ms. Peck?”
“WE’RE GETTING ATTACKED!” Those words stung the air with a mighty pierce. The old gruff, or Clop, tipped his drink, crashing it to the ground. Quickly moving into action, he jumped out of the shop hole and rushed to where the workers were. Shouting out orders left and right, the other ponies and stallions rushed to get to wherever they were being ordered to go.
“Come on Derpy, we need to go now!” She fiercely spat the last word and rushed towards to the opening as well.
Derpy had to strive to keep up with Twilight. They had barely made it a few yards before a dozen muffins flew by them in short succession. This was definitely an attack. “Here Derpy!” Twilight commanded.
Rushing to where she Twilight was, she dove next to her. They were behind a tallish bush that provided more than enough cover. Breaking out in a sweat, Twilight eagerly started grabbing for something in her pouch. Retrieving it in no time, she was able to pull out a book. “What are you going to do with that Twilight?”
Too focused on whatever anyone was saying, she quickly started mouthing an excessive amount of gibberish. Picking her head up, flung the book over the bush. With a long slide, it landed near a group of the ambushers. Amused that a book was thrown, they took no notice of what it would do next. One loud pop later and they were covered in a sticky mush of batter.
“Perfect. They never expect the old batter-in-a-book trick do they?”
Minutes were feeling like hours as more muffins dropped by from both sides. It wasn’t too clear on who was winning, but it was clear that one little mistake from either would announce the winner. Derpy was trying her hardest too, making sure to land most of her well placed hits. Even she too however was feeling the effects of wearing out. Unable to keep momentum, she fell a bit ago and has just been blind tossing from various safe points.
All the while, Twilight seemed to be in the full neck of things. As well as General Clop. They were working in tangent, each covering each other’s backs and making all their shots count. Twilight using her traps to slow down the waves of enemies, and Clop going face-to-face with them and giving them a good brawl. Perfect harmony.
That could only last so long...
Becoming too enthralled in the thrill of battle, Clop didn’t notice a lone soldier sneaking up to him in a last effort to make his worth count. Taking the only opportunity he had, the soldier lunged at Clop and dealt a nasty blow to his head.
Blackberry...oh the horror.
Screaming in jelly pain, Clop fell to the ground in a heap of dust, batter, and muffin crumbs. Twilight quickly fell on him to give him cover from any further damage. “Clop! Are you okay?” she frantically struggled to keep calm.
“Ugh. That nasty brat got me...I don’t...I don’t.”
“No! You’re going to make it! You hear me General; this is not where you end.”
General Clop chuckled a little at that last comment. “Oh you youngins’, always so rash to save those you care for. Don’t worry for me, you command this unit now.”
His last words, before he slumped down.
For a moment it looked like she was going to lose it, and all Derpy could do was watch as Twilight didn’t pick herself up. Rushing to her side, but before she made it she was halted by a lone hoof. Chuckles intercepted Derpy at the last second and nodded towards Twilight’s location.
Still in a painful vice grip with the General, she slowly let him fall. Bringing her face to eye-level, the tears were gone and only left were the stains that they once even existed. “I will carry on his word.” Filled with immense pride, she walked forward to Derpy.
Drip...Drip Drip...Drip...Drip Drip Drip Drip!
Starting slow and cautious at first, the pelting of water quickly surged in passion. Rain clouds hung above the battlefield. Letting loose their tears.
Someponies looked to the skies to see what all the fuss was about, but most ignored it; knowing doing so would free them up for an assault. It had splurged forth from unknown locations, but the rain clouds darkened the skies above, blocking the sun. Only shadows graced the battlefield.
Derpy looked to the skies, holding a confused mouth hanging open. She was in awe at the random occurrence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
A loud roar from a nearby explosion cleared right through the streets. Derpy curious, looked over her covering and what she saw put her in stunned silence. Where she threw the muffin, there was now a gaping crater. Mist was steaming from the remains of the side of book shop behind it. Did I do that? It wasn’t the only explosion to be heard or seen. Soon enough they were happening all over the area. Popping up in the middle of fights, where failed tosses happened to fly by.
The muffins...had become bombs!
Looking around at the mass of destruction occurring around, Derpy was in awestruck at all of it. Twilight noticing it too, she found herself contemplating what to do now that this was happening. Thinking on her hooves, she grabbed Derpy and started relaying to her the conclusion of her thoughts.
“Derpy, I need you to go” Twilight said without any emotion.
“But...” was all she could spout as she took her gaze to her friend.
“No! No but’s about it, you need to forge on now!” she quickly shouted.
She calmly put a hoof on Derpy’s shoulder and gave her a motherly-look of sadness. “It hurts, but don’t worry. We’ll meet up again. But right now I need you to go on. You will be more use out of here, than if you stayed.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” Coming to an agreement, they both shared a final laugh. Chuckles all the while smiling at the strong bond that both the girls had.
Saying a final goodbye, Derpy rushed off away from the streets of battle. She didn’t know when she would see anyone from there again, but hopefully soon enough. Who else would she share a nice muffin with?
Seeing Derpy off, Twilight spun around. “I think it is time I show these ponies what Twilight Sparkle is all about!
Derpy and the Muffin War!
Chapter 5: The Night Has Fallen
Chapter 5: The Night Has Fallen
Nighttime has never been Derpy’s favorite time of day. Closing her blinds, turning on a light, and she would curl up in her blanket. She would do that if she were home, with all the commodities that came with. Sadly, the grey mare was outside, in the dark, stalking the barren outskirts of Ponyville alone. A nightmare she wished weren't forced upon her.
Each little sound was intensified in the cold air. A squirrel scurried by, making soft crunches that skittered away. Derpy jumped at these minor meet-ups. It wasn't just the other creatures out here that got to her. Her own taps on the individual stones of road were frightening. They were haunting knocks of the reaper pony ready to collect. This would normally be embarrassing in front of all her friends, but all alone it was just menial. Her mistakes would follow with an uproar of boisterous laughter; not here however.
Since Princess Celestia started this game, Derpy felt herself becoming more confident. The shock of making a mistake was no longer a weight on her. Nopony looked at her as a crutch. For the past few days, she has been extremely useful to her friends; participating in their plans, and gaining more confidence still. If this war didn't end, she wouldn't mind. It’s been quite enjoyable.
A passing moth landed on her nose, fluttering its wings slowly. Instantly, she jumped, cowering under her hooves. Not fun! Not fun!
“How adorable,” came a voice.
Derpy got up, fighting stance initiated. “Wh-Who’s there?” She asked.
“No one in particular,” it cooed. A rustling came from bushes up ahead. Derpy retrieved a blueberry from her pocket. Feeling around the rest, there wasn't much left to spare. Three coconut, one banana nut, a second blueberry; not enough to fend off more than one or two at most. Maybe one was enough, so she aimed the muffin at the bush, waiting.
A pony stumbled out of the bushes, making her way to Derpy. The lone mare was green – light, almost teal – with a lush mane of the same green, and white. She didn't have any of her pockets filled, and was alone as far as Derpy could tell. Not a threat so far . The mint green mare stopped short of a few feet away. “Hello there,” she said waving. “What’s going on out here?”
“N-Not much, you?” Derpy stuttered.
“Couldn’t be happier. Just thought I’d take a stroll while everypony is asleep. Guess not all were.” She cheerfully grinned at the statement, amused at her own observation. “So, what’s your name stranger?”
“Derpy. And yours?”
“Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings if you wanna be formal, but Lyra is fine. So Derpy, watcha doing here all alone? Seems a bit odd.”
Derpy was hesitant to answer. The mare was all-too happy to stalk up to her, and begin casually conversing. More than a few warning signs lit up, but she couldn't be sure how accurate they were. Lyra was being friendly, and wasn't threatening; so for now, she was safe to be around. Might as well play along. “I figured it would be safer to travel at night. Less chance to be ambushed if they’re all asleep, right?”
“Absolutely,” Lyra said.
“Why are you out here Lyra?”
The mint green pony lost her positivity for a second, but quickly cheered up. “About that...I’m looking for someone. Would you happen to know of a mare going by Bon-Bon? Round my height, pink and blue mane, chubby from all those sweets she stuffs down. I've been looking for her for a good day now. Getting worried.”
“Sorry, but I haven’t.”
Lyra covered her frown, dismissing Derpy’s answer like many others. “It’s cool. She’ll turn up eventually, I’m sure of it!” Lyra was quick to change moods; but then everypony had ways of dealing with grief. If she could find a way to be happy, then that was good. “Mind if we sit down over by that table? I've got something to tell ya, but it would be safer off the road.” She trotted to the stone table and seats, plopping down on one.
Another false flag buzzed in her head, but she ignored it. Lyra looked frightened to be on the road. Whether she’s on the run, or just plumb scared of roads, Derpy followed. She sat across from her, finding a comfortable spot on the cold seat. Looking at Lyra, the mare appeared oddly taller. Derpy took a peek under the table, and saw why. Lyra wasn't siting normally, she was sitting on her hind legs. She took notice to Derpy’s wonderment, shoving it off. “It’s weird I know, but I've found sitting like this comfortable.” Weird, but oh well.
“What did you need to tell me about?” Derpy asked.
“I need to warn you,” Lyra said closing their gap.
Derpy scrunched her face. “About what?” Her voice was higher than usual.
“You know how there are sides forming in this game?” Derpy nodded. “Well there are some groups forming under one individual. More than a handful are joining them every day. I've been warning passing ponies, like you, to be careful.” Lyra took on a sinister form. She wasn't just frightened; she was flat-out in terror.
“Who’s recruiting these groups?”
“No one knows!” Lyra stated. “They hid behind their followers, giving out orders to those most loyal. Whoever they are, they are sneaky as all crumbs. Their only known sighting was the first night. The one who spotted them disappeared. Other than that, nothing is known. They may not even be pony!”
This really shook Derpy’s nerves. To think a mysterious being was recruiting groups for their nefarious gain. Hiding in the dark, hunting at night; more reason to not like the night. A rustling in the darkness caught Derpy.
“What was that?”
“What was what?” Lyra asked, confused.
“N-Nothing.” Just another squirrel most likely.
“Anyways, do you know where you’re headed? I just need to make sure you’re in good hands.”
“Hands?”
“Figure of speech,” she said.
“Not really. I was just going to wrap around the road until I met up with my friend again. We got separated.”
“Well I hope you find them,” she said leaping off the seat. “I gotta get going. Could be a chance I can find Bon-Bon tonight. See ya later Derpy.”
“See ya,” Derpy said back.
“Actually,” Lyra said. She rummaged through her pockets, levitating out a glove. The white, five-fingered piece inflated with a green aura surrounding it. Derpy was smacked hard with the glove, knocked out. “ I've got to hand it to you Derpy. You sure are gullible.” Lyra put away her weapon of choice, and levitated the unconscious mare with the same magical field. “You can come on out!” She shouted.
The bushes beyond the table split, with a blob of blue coming out. “It’s about time Lyra! I thought you’d never get her,” said the blue pony. She was bright blue, with a mane similar to her partner’s.
“Ya, well, you almost blew it,” Lyra said. She gave the new mare and annoyed glance. “Seriously Colgate, you’ve got to be more careful.”
“Later,” the blue mare named Colgate said. “For now we gotta take her in. Don’t wanna keep that witch waiting, or she’ll turn us into frogs!”
“She’s not a witch. That frog thing however...” Lyra imagined the squishy skin of those fingered amphibians.
Lyra – levitating Derpy – walked with Colgate to the witch.
Hushed whispers were transferred around Derpy, finally coming to. Her eyes squinted; she saw a crackling fire and cloaked figures. The eye trained on the fire also saw fresh dirt, tents propped on sticks, and trees. Minor detective analysis said she had been carried or dragged into the forest. Must have been Lyra she thought. Last thing she remembered was the green pony taking out a glove and smacking her aside. After that she was out for the count. First question would be why? Why would Lyra – who one second was the sweetest mare – knock her out and take her into the forest?
On the other hoof, who were these cloaked ponies? They talked amongst themselves, keeping her out of earshot. She lost interest in them, closing her eyes; her plan to get more sleep. After she did, something seemed off. The whispers had ceased. She was then being lightly shaken. “Wakey, wakey,” said Lyra. Derpy grudgingly woke up , and stood with help from Lyra. “Didn’t mean to hit you that hard, sorry.” She laughed, patting Derpy.
Sorry? Sorry! Derpy lunged at Lyra, knocking the both of them to the ground. She pressed down on Lyra’s throat until some of the cloaked figures pulled her off. Derpy was sat down, held off by the group. “Ya,” Lyra coughed, “...I deserved that.” She went near the outraged mare, patting her again. “Really, no hard feelings.”
Derpy scrunched her face, angry this time. “So that warning was a lie?” She pouted, furious. Her eyes – usually opposite of each other – were centered on her nose.
“Yes as a lie, to you . No to any other passerby.” She left it at that.
The other ponies didn’t speak to her. Lyra went off to a large tent near a boulder, where she disappeared inside. Derpy was left to stay in place, waiting for...whatever. While waiting, she got a good look at the campsite. Tents littered the area – some situated on small rises, between trees, in the way. Then were the massive amounts of millionmare bars...just an absurd amount of them trashed off to the side, becoming a mountain. Normally Derpy wouldn’t partake in the creamy chocolate, with vanilla filling and a gooey center of melted dark chocolate.
Who am I kidding; I would put illegal mail in every single one of their mailboxes for just a lick.
Lost in her wet dream of chocolate and hardcore wrappers, she didn’t notice Lyra had returned. She quizzically peered at Derpy, unsure if she should comment or back away. “Sorry to bother you, but we need to talk.” Derpy agreed, so they set off to the large tent. Inside, the tent was larger on the inside than the outside. It was filled with an assortment of creepy jars full of animal parts and other sickly fillings. A boiling cauldron was in the back, bubbling with green ooze. The puke green bubbles popped, and sizzled whatever was inside, boiling away.
The whole tent smelled of foreign spices and cultures. Wooden masks – resembling faces – hung on the walls. Besides the brains and legs, those had to be the creepiest objects in here. Who in the hay lives here?
“Welcome curious ponies, to my humble lair. I hope you won’t mind my messy hair.” From behind closed curtains came a familiar, striped zebra: Zecora. She strode in wearing a black drape. Her thick accent – hailing from a far-off land where tribes of other zebras lived – brought a flutter of calm to Derpy. Seeing old faces did that. “Now, why my mint mare did you send for a friend?”
“I just thought you’d like to meet our new bud before he did,” Lyra said, taking a confused Derpy under her arm.
Placing the ladle back, Lyra came to Derpy’s side again. “So she’s good, right? Nothing wrong?” Lyra put emphasis on her condition, worriedly squeezing her side.
“If I had to say, with little doubt, and a hunch about, I’d have to guess...nay.” She tapped a solid hoof on the ground.
“Uh, what were you doing?” Derpy asked.
This time, Lyra and Zecora were at a loss for words. They exchanged worried glances, deciding on what to tell her. Zecora winked at Lyra, and left the tent, leaving them both. She tried to dodge Derpy’s lopsided gaze, but was unable to escape their curiousness. “No choice. Follow me,” she said leading them out. Derpy followed close by as they wandered passed glowing tents and shifty looks. She led them out of the campsite to a huddle of tents, dimly lit. Patiently waiting in front of one of them was Zecora. Noticing them, she shuffled inside it. Lyra stopped them from entering, putting a hoof to her mouth. “What we’re about to show you, you have to promise to keep zipped. Not a word.” The forewarning out of the way, she took them inside.
Derpy instantly saw why this tent – and possibly the rest – needed to stay secret. There were counters with dozens of bandages, gauze, bottles full of colored liquids, and books. Their pages were worn with damp ink that had been furiously scratches. Lyra however didn't bring her here to see colorful containers or the ravings of a mad pony. A bed placed in the center was the jewel of the desert. Situated awkwardly on it was a figure with an abnormally large head. The dim light didn’t shed much on its features, but blacks spots were covering it.
Lyra picked up the lantern, hovering it over the being. With the bright buzz of the bugs behinds, Derpy witnessed the grotesque horror before her. It was a pony...or used to be. Four limbs and a bulbous body said that it used to be such a creature. Its head was no longer that of an equine; the head puffed into a mushy cloud resembling a muffin. The spots were really berries attached. The muffin monster extended a mummified arm up, trying to reach for her. Derpy ran out before it could get a chance.
Heaving, she tried to retain her stomach. The thing’s face still fresh in her mind, she gulped down a heavy amount of spittle, able to keep it in. The tent flap swished open as Lyra came out. “You hand ling this okay? Disgusting, I know, but we feel you needed to see...it.” Her empathy was duly noted.
“What in the holy hay was that!?” Derpy freaked.
“A name we have not, for the beast on that cot,” said Zecora. She left the tent, turning the lantern low, and carrying it with her.
“She’s right,” Lyra said. “It’s still a mystery as to how they got that way. As you can see by the tents, it isn't getting any better. Some are in later stages than others, but there is no cure as of yet. When any of our ranks get them, they are taken here for study.” She mournfully glanced down. “That’s the real reason why we come out here, Colgate and I. We search for any outbreaks in this contagion.”
With all the craziness that’s occurred since Friday, Derpy didn't feel the way others did. Some – like Lyra – lost someone, and she’s desperately been searching for them. Then there is the loss of normal life. The ones who got infected are stuck to a bed, waiting out their hours before it takes control. All she herself has lost was Twilight; who could very well be fine. War isn't all fun and games .
“Miss Heartstrings!” A shout came from the campsite. Galloping to them was one of the hooded ponies. His eyes were wide with fear. Catching his breath, he spoke calmer. “Lyra, he’s here!”
“Who’s here, Wilt?
“Him !” He seethed.
Lyra shared the colt’s same fear, and ran towards the campsite. Derpy, Zecora, and Wilt followed, almost losing the frantic mare in the huddle of cloaks. Many of them were huddled around the area, biting their hooves, or hiding away somewhere. An assembly gathered near the boulder tent, on either side of it, guarding the path. Derpy and the rest found Lyra stationed at a small settling near the far right of the campsite. She was still frantically searching around, ready to have a heart attack. Under her breath she repeated worried words. A loud collective gasp from the crowd of shadowed ponies brought their attention frontwards.
On the boulder, two cloaked figures – one a mare with blood red fur and a fire crest, the other a colt with electric blue and a lightning bolt as his – stood opposite each other, leaving enough space for a third were they to show. The mare impatiently cleared her throat, loud enough to quiet the weary gathering. “It is time faithful subjects,” she shouted with a hearty rasp. Behind the duo, a third figure walked up. He – no she – was covered in dark blue and purple garments. It looked like a superhero in a filly’s comic; sporting a mask, large-brill hat, cape, and latex-like jumpsuit.
Derpy nudged Lyra, hoping for some answers. “Who’s that?”
Without looking to her, Lyra replied in a solemn, emotionless voice. “That,” she said. “That’s our leader.”
Author's Note
Did you see that?
There's author's notes down here, but too bad they can't be placed up top yet. Or can they? I don't know really, so I guess until that is implemented, I'll do it here
Yada Yada Yada...the pone
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Derpy and the Muffin War!
Chapter 4: ~ A Beautiful Night, Yes A Beautiful Night ~
A beautiful night, Yes a beautiful night The stars aglow and the sun in fright For the love has fallen, and the beasts arise They scurry and scamper, They moan and howl Run in fear, For they know no bounds The critters they critter, and the bugs they fly There are no bounds in cloak of the night However they are not alone in the shadows As the beasts that make them crawl into sight Their eyes they glow, Their teeth they shine Yellow in the black of night These creatures aren't scared, Aren't frightened or feared These creatures they stalk, Charred and burned Darkness has been faithful to them, A good mistress indeed She has done well to them in their life Mistress of the night, Your deeds in strife Run now run, For you're not alone On your tail, Are the beasts of bone Fear not however, These blood-addled demons With dark desires dripping from their jaws For the sun is rising, Gleaming off their maws They moan in pain, And run in fright To the forest they go, Where the night is still night In shallow fear you are alone Stalked no more by the beasts of bone Trotting off into the light you go Where many more await you home After all this, The Mistress is gone Her songs and children are also gone For the sun is here, and the beasts are crawlin' Reminisce For the night has fallen
