Diary of a Time Looper

by Kodeake

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy, Twilight Sparkle, Dark
Length: 2922

My name is Twilight Sparkle, and for the last 33 days I've been stuck in a time-loop, repeating the 23rd of March, 2 A.R.

A journal was found. Old and weathered with years untold. The first entry was dated yesterday:

My name is Twilight Sparkle, and for the last 33 days I've been stuck in a time-loop, repeating the 23rd of March, 2 A.R. It is still unknown how the loop started, nor how I can end it. All I can say with any amount of certainty is that time for the rest of the world resets every night, and every morning I wake up it is the morning of the 23rd.

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Published 2019-05-27 06:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-27 06:00:02 UTC

The Journal

Diary of a Time-Looper

Day 32

Test #28

Day 33

Success at long last! Using a combination of spells I've managed to create a sort of pocket dimension that exists outside of time, allowing this journal to remain intact even as the rest of the world resets.

Oh, right, I suppose this is technically the first entry, so I'll explain the situation.

My name is Twilight Sparkle, and for the last 33 days I've been stuck in a time-loop, repeating the 23rd of March, 2 A.R. It is still unknown how the loop started, nor how I can end it. All I can say with any amount of certainty is that time for the rest of the world resets every night, and every morning I wake up it is the morning of the 23rd. Various tests have concluded the following: Of all the ponies I've spoken to, I am the only one who can remember the previous loop. It is impossible for me to remain awake past midnight; as soon as the moon reaches its zenith I pass out, and no amount of magic can stop this. No matter where I am when I fall asleep, I always wake up back in my bed at precisely 7:23 AM. With the exception of this journal, nothing I do has any effect on the following loop. This includes changes to my own body such as a cut mane or tail.

The day plays out exactly the same every time, the only differences being caused by my own actions within any given loop (Spike always makes the same breakfast, says the same things, etc.).

It took me only a few days to begin working on a method of preserving an item from one loop to the next, and this breakthrough leads me to believe a way out of this loop is possible. I've spoken to both Celestia and Luna about the problem in separate loops and, once I convinced them I was serious, they merely said they had never heard of such a thing, and wished me luck. Some part of me thinks they didn't believe me, but it is still true; there has never been another recorded incident of a time looper. At least, none survived to tell of it.

Oh, but where's my head? Hopefully this journal will help me keep my thoughts straight while I work on a solution. I've attempted to escape the loop multiple times by using various time-altering spells, all of which have failed. It's almost like I'm in a locked box of time, and the spells thus far have failed to bring me outside of the day I'm trapped in. Or, perhaps, I have travelled in my own time stream, in which case I'd have been stuck for multiple years based on how far I've tried to travel into the future. The spells are, of course, temporary, but it's hard to tell how far I've travelled – if at all – due to the loop. If there is a way out, it is unlikely that a time spell alone is the answer.

Tests have also confirmed that I myself do not age while in the loop; cells in my body that died throughout the day are back again the next morning. This leads me to believe that, should I myself die, I'd wake up again the next morning. However, such a test is not one I'm willing to perform.

I will continue working on a way out for the rest of the day; the success of this journal has filled me with a new hope, and I'm ready to tackle the next step.

Day 34

Tests continue to fail at every turn. Nothing but this journal and my own mind remains constant after a reset. I wonder, now, how my memory remains intact. It took an intricate web of spells to keep this journal alive, and should I ever forget to cast them at the end of the day all that these pages contain would be lost. Unless, perhaps, I'd find the journal as it was at the beginning of the last loop, rather than the beginning of the loop entirely. I'll have to test the theory on something less valuable.

But I've gotten sidetracked. Somehow my memory remains while everything else in the world resets, without a single spell. The thought that this is all in my head, that I'm the one going crazy, has occurred to me numerous times. However, the success of this journal seems to rule that possibility out.

Now though, I have a new experiment to design. If the loop repeats the previous loop, rather than the original day, it could mean that the way out of this is much simpler than I originally thought.

Day 37

Unfortunately, I am met with yet another failure. After keeping a small notebook with a few short notes on it in the same spell as the journal for 2 loops, then letting it be reset, I found that the loop is indeed of the original day, and not the previous loop. This is hardly a set back, however; it merely proves my original hypothesis correct. My hope has yet to dwindle, and this journal still binds my mind to reality; this loop is not all-encompassing. Perhaps, if I were to cast similar spells on myself, I'd exist outside the loop and, thus, be able to escape it.

However, the effects of being outside of time itself on a living organism are, as of yet, unknown. There are many more experiments and tests to be run.

Day 42

Various tests of living, organic matter (Grass, apples, and even a young sapling) being stored outside of time during a reset have all been inconclusive. The grass, when retrieved, had reverted back to mere seeds, while the apples had rotted to dust. The sapling, however, disappeared. My current hypothesis is that the more complex the life, the harder it is for it to survive outside of time. Although the sapling baffles me; I'd expected to find seeds, or perhaps a dead and withering tree. When I opened the pocket dimension, there was nothing but my journal. After running a few tests, I've confirmed that, while outside of time, the journal itself does not physically age. It seems the journal has become somewhat of a universal constant. I'm sure the secret to freedom lies somewhere in the spells used to keep this book safe. I'm sure of it.

Day 43

I lost an entire day of research to my friends. I love them, and miss them dearly, so I decided to gather them all for a nice day out. Rarity and Applejack took some convincing, but all things considered it was more than worth it. I have to remember that I'm not alone, no matter how isolating my situation is. My friends will always be there for me, even if they don't know what I'm going through. It's been quite a few loops since I'd even spoken to them, I didn't even know what to talk about.

My friends were... concerned about me. Said I was acing 'off'. I'm not surprised; it's been the same day for over a month for me. Still, I convinced them I was fine, and was able to thoroughly enjoy their company. From here on out I’ll make it a priority to spend time with them once every seven loops.

Day 52

Still no luck on maintaining a living organism’s time stream outside of time. The simpler the organism the less the effect on it; various bacterial colonies showed growth usually associated with approximately one week. If it were at all possible to somehow enter a form of suspended animation, it may be possible for more complex creatures to make it through. The various complications with such a method weigh heavily on me, but currently it’s the best idea I have; things that were formerly living matter experience no ill effects in the space outside of time.

Day 59

Some limited success from me most recent experiment; it seems as though dead organisms are totally unaffected. It’s possible it has something to do with life acting as a sort of observer and affecting the outcome, similar to the well-known Heisenhoof Uncertanty Princile. Though that usually refers to the quantum scale. The Uncertainty Principle states that the act of observing a sufficiently small particle will affect it, no matter how delicately you do so. It may be applicable to my situation; life acts as the observer, and instead of affecting the measurement, it alters it entirely. I’ll have to do some more research; physics was never my strongest point, but I’m not a stranger to it.

I’m also still working on a spell to induce a state of suspended animation. The closer an organism mimics being dead, the less variance will be observed in its timestream.

Day 61

I really must start keeping a calendar with this journal. The thought never occurred to me, seeing as it’s always the same day, but I’ve just realized I missed my meet-up with my friends. Well, a day or two late never hurt anything - given it’s all the same to them - but I’d really like to keep variance to a minimum. It’s too late to do anything about it, now; tomorrow I’ll have to have Pinkie gather the girls for me. She’s much better at dragging Applejack away from her farm than I am. ~~Am I not important enough?~~

It’ll be nice to see them again.

Day 75

The Uncertainty Principle is a dead-end angle. While I now have a much stronger grasp of quantum mechanics, there is no answers to be found in the field, practical or theoretical. They have nothing but ideas and formulas and theories. Nothing actionable. While the phenomena I’m experience is similar, a way around it cannot be found in physics. That leaves only the continually failing attempts at suspended animation. The closest I’ve come is successfully rendering lab rats unconscious. While this did reduce the approximate variance in their time streams, is was still much too large; both test subjects are deceased. I dread to think what would happen to me.

Unpleasant as that thought is, I cannot allow it to discourage me. There’s very little that I can hold on to save for the hope of finding a way out.

Day 129

Failure after failure after failure. Every angle, every test, every spell leads to the exact same outcome. It has now been almost five months of the same day. Every day. 7:23AM I wake up. Spike makes eggs and pancakes. He gets me coffee ~~and always puts in too much sugar~~ and my day starts all over again. The mental exhaustion is starting to catch up to me; I’m starting to get headaches quite frequently, and recently I’ve noticed my grip on my magic slipping. Just little things; my teleportation will be too far or I’ll accidentally slam something into the desk when I mean to set it down.

I need a vacation. Maybe my friends would like to get away. Just for a day.

Day 131

I’m back to work with a fresh mind. It took ~~some~~ a lot of convincing, but I managed to convince my friends to come to Baltimare with me for a couple days. Well, I told them it would be a couple days. I fell asleep in the nicest hotel in the city and woke up back in my bed. Like always.

Still, the break was nice, and it was a change of pace from the monotony of the loop. I think I’ll take it relatively easy today, and tomorrow jump back into my tests with a renewed vigour. I will find a way out.

Day 183

The headaches are starting again. The stress is mounting as spells continue to fail and tests continue to come up inconclusive or negative. If I truly am in a box, it’s locked tighter than the vaults of Canterlot Castle. I’d like to believe that even the strongest locks can be broken given time and patience, but mine is wearing thin.

Even with my friends. There’s only so many times I can listen to Rarity ~~ramble~~ talk about her new spring line of dresses. It’s always the same conversations. Always the same topics. Always the same. Over and over and over.

Perhaps another vacation is in order.

Day 297

I took a day with my friends again. It’s been… I don’t know how long. Too long. ~~not long enough~~. I need to stay focused, but they’ve always helped me overcome every obstacle I’ve faced before. Maybe they can do it again. ~~They won’t shut up~~ They know there’s something wrong with me, and they try their best to cheer me up, but ~~it’s so annoying~~ I don’t know if they can help me this time.

Day 365

One full year I’ve been stuck reliving the same day. ~~I feel like i’m losing my mind~~ The headaches are getting worse. I’ve lost days of work in bed from the pain. My magic is all but going haywire. It’s hard to focus on it. I’ve taken to writing this entry manually.

I need to find a way out, and soon. ~~I don’t know how much more I can take~~

Day 401

I’m a failure. I… I don’t know if I can find a way out. Is this is for me? Am I going to be stuck here until I die? ~~will I ever die?~~

Day 456

I…

I think I just… I can’t even write it. I feel sick. I… she was… ~~there was so much blood~~. My magic it just… I lost control. ~~She was just so annoying!~~ I’m so sorry, Pinkie. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Day 457

I spent today crying, hugging Pinkie Pie. I woke up and ran to her shop and… she was there, smiling at me like always. I hugged her and I cried and I begged her to forgive me. I think I scared her, but… I can still see it. Her face. The blood. ~~so much blood~~. When I close my eyes it’s all there is.It must have been hours I spent with her, sobbing into her chest. I just needed to know she was okay. That I hadn’t… hadn’t…

Day 462

Sleep is a thing of the past. After what I did I can’t bare to close my eyes. Mentally I’m exhausted. Too much to try anymore experiments. ~~Not that they would help~~. I have to get out of here. ~~If I hear Rainbow Dash bragging one more time she’s next~~. Take a break, get away from it all. My work. My friends. ~~I’m so tired of Fluttershy apologizing~~. I just… I need to get away. ~~I’m going to shove the sugar down Spike’s throat~~ I’ve always wanted to go to Saddle Arabia, and I can be back the morning after I leave.

No one will even know I’m gone. ~~I wish I wouldn’t come back~~

Day 500

Failure.

Day 572

~~I wish I could just stop waking up~~

Day 609

Please. Make it stop. When Spike brought me my coffee this morning and I tasted the sugar I just… it was like Pinkie Pie all over again. My magic acted without my control ~~I meant to do it~~ and he… he just slumped to the floor. I don’t… I can’t take this anymore. ~~He deserved it~~. I know he’ll be back ~~tomorrow~~ today but… I can’t even go into the kitchen or I’ll see him.

Day 651

I’ll be here until I die. There’s no way out. But I don’t age here. I can’t die. I’ll never die. I’ll be here forever.

Day 723

I’m sorry. If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. There’s no way out. I don’t age. I can’t die on my own. It’s… it’s the only way. I only hope this journal is found so that others may know why I did this. What I went through. I wish for forgiveness for the acts I’ve committed, documented in this journal. Maybe, some day, the information I collected can be used to help somepony else in my place. I can only hope some good may come of this eternal nightmare.

To my dearest friends, know that it is you who kept me sane enough to last this long. It is only by your kindness, your generosity, your honesty and loyalty and laughter, that I have made it this far. However, I can’t take it anymore. I ask you not begrudge me my actions; please understand a life like this is not a life worth living.

I’m sorry.

Day 733

I woke up at 7:23 AM. Even… even that won’t release me. Is this some kind of sick punishment? What did I do to deserve this hell?

I can’t take this. I have to try again.

Day 734

I woke up

Day 735

I woke up

Day 736

I woke up

Day 737

I woke up.

Day 738

I woke up

Day 739

I woke up

Day 740

I woke up

Author's Note

So... that. Um. That was a thing. Yes. I uh... I hope you... enjoyed? Is enjoyed the right word? Probably not. I've had this idea since I wrote Early One Morning, and... well I decided to finish it. It's probably a little rough around the edges, but... well. You'll all be the final judges. Comments below, yeah?