This is your last warning: Read TMI first if you're about to read this story. The fun, what there is, will be doubled.
Twilight Sparkle loved buying books for the Ponyville Library. Not just because it would mean more books on its shelves for her and others (but mostly her) to read, but because of all the little details in the work. The smell of the freshly printed catalogues of books from all the major publishers as she turned the pages. Reading her clipbook full of reviews and recommendations to gather facts about the various titles. The joy of making lists of the books that the library must have, that the library should have and that the library could stand to have, and noting each book’s price in fresh ink. Matching the prices combined with her media budget for that month (that had to pay for magazines and the occasional record or movie as well as new books) and keeping at it until she had a list that fit. Taking the final list to Ponyville’s only bookstore and debating it with its owner, Mrs Paperback, who always had her own opinions of the books. Going to the store when they had arrived, taking them home on her little cart, and opening them... like a foal on Hearth’s Warming Eve! The whole procedure filled Twilight with undiluted bliss.
Hence, Twilight was in an extremely good mood, humming as she sat at her desk in the main room, when Rainbow Dash crept up behind her and lightly tapped her shoulder.
“Twilight!” she stage whispered.
“UAH!” Twilight shouted and twirled around. “Rainbow Dash! What’re you doing here?! The door is locked, I’m working!”
“Shhh!” said Rainbow Dash. “I came through the balcony. Aw, Twi’, you know I always come through the balcony.”
“You always crash through the balcony,” said Twilight, raising an eyebrow. “Why so... gentle today? And why are you shh-ing me?”
“Spike is out, isn’t he?” said Rainbow Dash, looking around.
“He has a day off,” Twilight said. A smile crept upon her lips and she looked as if she was doing something naughty. “I’m checking which books to buy this month, and that’s not only really fun, but I think it’s actually easier when I work alone, so I can get Spike more spare time!”
“So he isn’t here?” said Rainbow Dash.
“He’s either playing with his new kite or taking a nap in the sun. Did you want to speak with him?”
“No,” said Rainbow Dash, hesitating, “I actually want to speak with you, and it’s kinda private and, erh, grown-up, so I didn’t want Spike to hear.”
“Oh,” said Twilight and actually looked at Rainbow Dash for the first time since she entered. “What is it? You seem really stressed out, Rainbow! Is something wrong?”
“No... Yes,” Rainbow Dash said, avoiding Twilight’s gaze. “Kinda. Nothing has happened, really. I’ve just been thinking, and I think I need advice, and I’m kinda embarrassed about it so... that’s why I’m stressed.”
“Oh, oh! Sure, I’ll try to help you! Y’know I’m just flattered you come to me for advice. Unless it’s about something... egghead-y, I guess, I’d thought you’d talk with somepony else.”
Rainbow Dash laughed nervously and rubbed her mane with her hoof.
“I don’t know if it’s eggheady and perhaps somepony else would have known more about it... but I’m only really comfortable talking to you about this!” she said.
“Thanks Rainbow,” said Twilight, smiling. “That’s touching.”
“Honestly,” said Rainbow Dash and looked at the roof, “it’s only because you made a fool of yourself at Pinkie’s Mexicolt party a month ago. Y’know telling everypony about your... your sexual history and that.”
“Gee, thanks!” said Twilight, not smiling.
“No, I mean that because of that, if I make a fool of myself telling you... what I’m gonna tell you, it won’t matter. We’ll just be even. I won’t be as embarrassed telling you, because I think you will understand, okay?”
“Sure,” said Twilight, smiling again. “But first, sit down. Do you want something?”
“No, I’m not here for tea or soda,” said Rainbow Dash, but she sat down. “I’m cool.”
“Good,” said Twilight and sat down herself. “What’s the matter?”
“Well...” Rainbow Dash hesitated. “Look, what we talked about during that party... y’know, sex and stuff... I’ve been thinking about stuff lately and it, it gets me worried.”
“What stuff?” said Twilight.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Start at the beginning,” said Twilight.
That’s what Princess Celestia would always say, she thought.
“Well, when I was a little filly...” Rainbow Dash began.
Twilight facehoofed.
“You needn’t start that early.”.
“No, I mean it. When I was a little filly, and started... not being a little filly anymore, y’know, getting into puberty, I used to have these... thoughts and fantasies. That turned me on, I mean.”
“I think all ponies do,” said Twilight. “That’s nothing strange, and nothing to be ashamed of. Of course, I was never told what they were, so I was a bit confused, but I hope you were wiser than me when you was a filly.”
I never thought I’d say that sentence to Dash, she thought.
“Yeah, I did... but this is not about the sex in itself, it’s more about what the fantasies were about,” said Rainbow Dash with some irritation. “It’s... how should I explain it... okay, see, I’ve continued to have them all my life, right? But recently, they have been more often, and the other day I realized why and when.”
“And that was?”
“When you got me hooked on the Daring Do series!”
“What?” gasped Twilight. “There’s nothing sexual in that series, they were written so foals could read them! There’s hardly any romance in them... unless you count those stories written by fans and published in mimeographed fan magazines and sold at independent bookstores... usually about an unsubtle alter ego character becoming Daring Do’s lover... is that what you’re talking about? Falling in love with a fictional character and imagining having sex with them? Are you... a fanfic writer?!”
“No!” said Rainbow Dash. “I haven’t even heard of what you’re talking about!”
“Oh,” said Twilight. “Sorry...”
“Though now that you’ve mentioned them,” Rainbow said grinning, “I’d like to check out one of those stories!”
“Well, I wouldn’t know where to get them,” Twilight said quickly and looked away. “I’ve only read a few, completely by accident, and I’ve most certainly never written any! Certainly not any in which my fictional non-pony alter ego becomes Daring’s lover!”
Rainbow snickered.
“So, back to your... fantasies,” Twilight said hurriedly. “What are they about, then?”
Rainbow became serious again.
“Well, y’know how in every story, sometimes several times, Daring Do ends up in a deathtrap or something?”
Twilight nodded.
“Like, Ahuizotl ties her to a guillotine or bomb? Or the natives are hostile and want to sacrifice her to their gods or cook her alive and eat her or something? But she gets loose in the last second and saves herself and everypony?”
“Well, in a few cases she gets saved by a companion, but I see what you mean,” Twilight corrected, then it dawned upon her. “So that’s what you’re fantasizing about? Being a damsel in distress?”
“What’s a damsel in distress?”
“It’s a general term for a lady being put in danger and being weak and helpless,” said Twilight. “It’s common in many adventure stories, as I’m sure you have noticed.”
“Well, I’m not a lady...” Rainbow Dash snorted.
Twilight laughed.
“Neither is Daring Do, and neither of you are weak or helpless. You’re one of the bravest and toughest ponies I know!”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow Dash glumly. “So why do I get... horny by imagining things like that? Is there something wrong with me?”
Twilight opened her mouth, then shut it again. She swallowed.
“Well, the studies of sexual... fetishes I made, and I’ve returned to them recently...” she began.
“Why?” said Rainbow Dash. “Does it have anything to do with your new... fillyfriend? Are you doing Pleasing Rarity Research?”
“Yes and no,” said Twilight, not happy being interrupted. “I started to do this when I and Rarity became a couple, but it’s not like I’m researching her or anything. It’s just that I can’t help but read about what currently interests me, and I’m having sex for the first time in years and good sex for the first time in my life, so I’ve done some reading on it. Why, I’m also reading up on hoofball so I can understand what Rarity’s father says! That doesn’t mean I’m researching hoofball. Should we continue?”
“Okay, sorry. And I know what you mean, the old stallion uses so many hoofball terms he might as well be speaking Zebra, and I actually watch sports!”
“Well, the first thing is there are several levels of intensity to what’s usually called a fetish,” said Twilight. “Much of this is debated, by the way, by psychologists and so on. The idea is that there are ponies who get aroused by something not usually considered... sexy. Like being a damsel in distress.”
“Or interspecies sex,” said Rainbow, looking directly at Twilight.
“Yeah, this applies to me as well,” Twilight sighed. “Anyway, there are various levels of this attraction. So if we talk about my... fetish, then there would be ponies who are more aroused if their partner is, say, a donkey, or if they are looking at stallion-on-jenny porn but they have normal sex like everypony else, and their partner can be the same species as themselves. It’s only that the sex is better when it fits their fetish.”
“Okay,” said Rainbow Dash.
“That’s no big deal,” Twilight said, starting to pace back and forth. “That’s just a quirk. But take the griffon guy I had a one-night stand with at the university. He was only attracted to ponies, Rainbow. I even remembered him saying that he thought female griffons were ugly. He kept pestering me after my... experiment, despite us having nothing in common but that sex and the sex being awful. Because I was a pony and had been willing to rut with him. He had the same feelings I have but stronger, and I’m sure it made his life rather difficult. It was a major part of his life.”
“It’s... kind of hard to be a griffon in Equestria,” said Rainbow Dash.
“I can understand that. Now imagine that he’s not just trying to fit in as a foreigner and get friends, he’s trying to get a partner as well. Or imagine him trying to find a pony partner back home in Arimaspia. So, the first thing is that if your fetish is strong like that, it can mean problems, because a healthy sexlife is good for everypony. If you have to get in a lot of trouble to have sex or find a loving partner you might suffer. So, is this something that is necessary for you to achieve arousal... or is it just a spice?”
Twilight stopped pacing.
“I... I don’t know,” Rainbow Dash said. “How would I know that?”
“Well, would sex with your partner, if you had one, still be fun if they didn’t pretend to put you in a deathtrap?” Twilight said. “Could you... clop and not pretend you’re in mortal danger?”
“I... I think so,” said Rainbow Dash. “But I haven’t had a partner or even sex for y... for a very long time, and when clopping... well, you do what’s most fun, y’know? I mean, when I’m in bed or in the bathroom and just imagining things, there’s no need to brake! So I’ve not tried so much lately.”
“Okay, it doesn’t sound like that will be a problem.”
“Good,” said Rainbow Dash, but she didn’t sound satisfied.
“Then there’s another thing to determine if a fetish is... dangerous or what you might call it,” Twilight said. “It’s connected to the first point but more broad.”
“And that is?”
“Well, if your fetish causes you to do things that is harmful to yourself and others, or if it causes you to mess up your life in some way, then it’s obviously dangerous,” Twilight said. “For me, well, I think the worst I can do is acting speciest towards others because I stop being able to tell sexual fantasies from reality. That doesn’t sound too bad but... have you any experience with stallion-on-ewe porn?”
“No,” said Rainbow Dash dryly. “Should I?”
“You haven’t missed anything, quite the opposite. One common cliché is that the ewe will act as if she’s a lot younger than she is... as if she was just a a lamb...”
Rainbow Dash looked disgusted.
“Yeah,” said Twilight, “exactly. But never mind that squicky roleplay: imagine somepony who starts taking the porn seriously, and tries to have sex with an actual lamb, thinking they would be sexually active? That’s a crime! Compare that to a stallion that is merely attracted to ewes. He isn’t harming anyone or doing anything wrong! Now, think about what your fetish is...”
Rainbow Dash sighed and looked queasy.
“I mean,” said Twilight, “if you do some kind of roleplay with a partner, or even with yourself while clopping, that’s nothing to worry about. Just remember to lock the door.”
“Speaking from experience?” said Rainbow wryly.
“I couldn’t have locked Pinkie out anyway,” Twilight groaned. “She joined in...”
“What?!” said Rainbow Dash and burst out laughing.
“No! Not like that!” Twilight said, blushing, rearing up and waving her front hooves. “We hadn’t gotten to any sex yet, we were, erh, setting the scene.”
“Scene?” said Rainbow and smiled.
“Nevermind, I am trying to answer your questions here,” Twilight said.
“Sorry,” said Rainbow, clearly not sorry at all.
“As I said, some sort of roleplay, that’s no big deal,” Twilight said. “But say that you do something truly dangerous. Like... like tying up your wings and getting pushed off a cloud.”
“Hey, I could get out of something like that easy!” said Rainbow Dash.
“When you’re... aroused, and hence distracted?” said Twilight.
Rainbow Dash looked thoughtfully away from Twilight.
“That’s what I mean,” said Twilight. “There are ways your fantasies can be dangerous if you’re not careful.”
“You don’t think I would be?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Rainbow, your dream in life is to be the world’s greatest stunt flyer! In your day job you kick thunderclouds and wrestle tornadoes! You’re anything but careful!”
Rainbow Dash giggled nervously.
“I suppose you’re right,” she said. “I understand that I can live out my fantasies, as long as I can tell them from reality, and as long as I’m cautious and plan things out, they aren’t wrong or dangerous.”
“Great!” said Twilight, beaming.
“But that’s not what I wanted to ask about,” said Rainbow Dash. “In fact, I sorta knew this already. Although you sorta put it better in words. To explain things, I mean.”
“Oh,” said Twilight and deflated. “What’s the matter then?”
“Well, as I said, I wonder what’s wrong with me, and you told me it wasn’t dangerous to have those fantasies, but that wasn’t what I meant. What I meant was, is there something wrong with me that causes me to have those fantasies?”
“Why would there be anything wrong with you?”
“Well... those fantasies feels... shameful,” said Rainbow Dash. As Twilight looked at her, she quickly added: “Not because they’re sex fantasies, not like that. It’s because...”
Rainbow Dash struggled for words.
“Is it because you’re weak and helpless in your fantasies?” Twilight asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said and swallowed. “That’s.. that’s not me. I’m not weak and helpless. I’m strong, and tough, a-and brave, and...”
“Resourceful,” Twilight suggested.
“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash continued. “And... do I want to be weak all of a sudden? Have I given up? Do I want to... lose?”
Twilight rubbed her chin.
“I... I must admit this is amateur psych,” she said. “But I have a theory here. When you have one of those fantasies, do you ever imagine yourself actually dying? I mean, if you imagine you’re about to be sacrificed to some tribal idol, do you really die in your fantasy? Do your imaginary captors put an imaginary knife in your chest?”
Rainbow slowly shook her head.
“No,” she said, “I never do. In... in something like that, like in ‘Daring Do and the Lost Crown of San Palomino’, I’m just lying tied to the altar, and they all dance around me, and the sexy high priestess taunts me when she raises the knife in her hoof and... well, she never kills me, the fantasy ends before that.”
She blushed.
“Usually because I need to go and wash up, if you get my drift,” she said.
“Well, then you don’t want to die, so you don’t want to lose,” Twilight said, her voice suddenly a bit hoarse from the image. The pagan sun worshippers in that novel had been clear fan service... “You said you get inspired by the Daring Do books, and she always get free, and she frees herself, she doesn’t need saving. If you’d wanted to lose, you’d get inspiration from something else - horror stories where everypony dies, or something.”
“But why do I want to be weak?” Rainbow Dash mumbled.
“I think being as... awesome as you are takes a lot of work,” said Twilight and smiled. “I think you’re not half as lazy as we think you are, because you put a lot of energy into doing everything at a hundred percent and more. Maybe that’s why you nap all day, because an ordinary day makes you so tired.”
“Hey, I don‘t nap that much!” Rainbow Dash protested, but Twilight continued.
“And all that work puts you under a lot of stress, and stress makes it hard to relax,” Twilight continued. “Since you have a hard time to relax, you have a hard time finding sexual release. I think you discovered this as soon as you had sexual feelings, and you used the fantasies so you could relax easier. I mean, what did you think of as a filly, when you, erh, masturbated?”
“Little Red Saddle Blanket,” said Rainbow Dash and blushed again. “I used to imagine the Big Bad Manticore had put me into a pie and was about to cook me, and then I’d roll up in my blankets and that was the pie crust.”
“I guess the manticore never got any Dash Pie,” Twilight quipped.
“No, I always broke free before that,” said Rainbow Dash and laughed nervously. “Or ended the fantasy. It was not eating that was exciting, it was the threat of being eaten.”
“She didn’t get eaten in the fairy tale either,” Twilight noted, “and she rescues herself and her grandma. She’s a heroine, not just a damsel in distress. That supports my theory. You’re stressed by your hard work at being Rainbow Dash, and the fantasies help you relax. Nothing more.”
“Well, when you put it that way...” Rainbow Dash murmured thoughtfully. “So what should I do?”
“Relax?” said Twilight. “Given, of course, what I said before about being cautious and responsible, you should just play and enjoy it.”
“Yeah... I wish I had somepony to play with, though,” said Rainbow Dash. “Somepony I could trust! Somepony who’d would be careful when I wouldn’t...”
“You’ll just have to look around, and be careful with prospective partners, as you say,” said Twilight. “I mean, so you neither scare them away nor get somepony who actually wants to bake you into a pie.”
“That was just a filly fantasy,” Rainbow Dash groaned. “My father always told the story with the pie in it. Little Red Saddle Blanket cut her way out of it and filled it with junk, and then she hid and then the Big Bad Manticore ate it...”
“And then he gets so sick he decides to never eat a pony again,” Twilight said, laughing. “Now I remember I’ve heard that version before!”
“Yeah,” said Rainbow Dash. “I wouldn’t even think of that story now, it would be silly and not sexy!”
“Well, I meant in general,” said Twilight. “If he or she...”
“I think I’d prefer a she,” said Rainbow Dash, “but I could do with any of them.”
“If she takes the roleplay too seriously it would be dangerous,” Twilight finished.
“I’ll be careful,” said Rainbow Dash. “You’re so lucky you met Rarity.. I mean, you realized Rarity and you fit together.”
Twilight laughed.
“Well, I suppose I should thank you and Pinkie Pie,” she said. “And really, it’s more that she accepts my silly kinks out of affection and, well, because she can engage in some of her own...”
“Such as?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Well, Rarity likes dressing up, even if it is for one of my little games,” Twilight confessed, “and she likes... well, play-acting anyway. She would probably have liked to do that no matter whom she got together with, and the reason we usually pretend at least one of us isn’t a pony is because of my quirks. She is much more serious about the acting part than me.”
“Like how?” said Rainbow Dash.
“I’m probably telling too much already,” Twilight murmured. “Rarity should really talk about these things herself...”
“Oh, she has talked so much about your relationship since you became a couple,” Rainbow Dash said, shrugging.
“Okay then,” said Twilight, shaking her head. “Let’s just say that when Rarity dresses up her most princess-y dress and her fillyfriend as a donkey jenny in a maid uniform, she doesn’t only spend lots of time and energy doing it right, she also requires a backstory and the skeleton of a script to why these disparate individuals are rutting their hearts out.”
Rainbow burst out laughing again.
“Oh, that’s priceless!” she said. “You have to tell me why the unicorn princess and her jenny maid was doing the bedroom mambo!”
Twilight sighed. “Apparently, I’d been a bad burro and slacked off, so the Master’s daughter blackmails me into showing her what sex is, because she is such an incredibly innocent maiden she doesn’t know. Otherwise she would have me fired.”
“How did that story end?” said Rainbow, immensely amused.
“I’ll have you know the first script was set long long ago and I was an actual slave,” said Twilight, “so that scenario was an improvement! And I cannot say, because that was the day I forgot to lock the door and Pinkie Pie turned up.”
“And she joined you?” Rainbow Dash said.
“Well, Pinkie is far from naive, but decided that she had just found us playing let’s pretend despite being grown mares, so she joined us because let’s pretend is, I quote, ‘an awesome game’,” Twilight said. “I think she was a valiant masked warrior who saved us both from Princess Rarity’s cruel father, also my cruel master. She had a mask and a plumed hat hidden in here, in case of masked hero emergencies.”
“You could’ve had a threesome!” Rainbow Dash said and winked.
Twilight facehoofed.
“You don’t like threesomes?” said Rainbow Dash mockingly.
“While I wouldn’t, in theory, have anything against the concept, in practice it would have felt soooo wrong,” Twilight said. “As I said Pinkie is anything but naive, but she deliberately treated it as a children’s game, and anything less chaste than a peck on the cheek would have felt awful. I think she did that do deflect our embarrassment at being found out.”
“She doesn’t find playing let’s pretend like a little filly is embarrassing?” said Rainbow Dash.
“You know Pinkie, she still goes trick-or-treating on Nightmare Night,” said Twilight. “But she realizes getting discovered when you’re about to have sex is incredibly awkward, so she tried to deflect things in her way. Actually, it worked. Rarity got caught up in the all-ages story we made instead, so I don’t think she minded in the end.”
“So you have combined your kinks. You really do still dress up as non-ponies, as you told me you did on your first night?” said Rainbow Dash. “And... play out little scenes before you rut?”
“You could put it like that, yeah,” said Twilight. “Since, uh, that’s what happens.”
“Like donkeys and cattle and so on? Or are there any more zebras?” said Rainbow Dash.
“Well, our local neigboring non-ponies fits better with what Rarity likes with her love of historical romances, but I’m most fond of more exotic foreigners,” Twilight said. “After all, I am a xenophile, I like what’s alien.”
“So, you have... costumes, or something, for llama and buffalo and zebra and tapirs...?” Rainbow Dash. “So you can pretend to be them?”
“It’s mostly simple accessories, and then Rarity brings makeup and her illusions... Why are you so interested?” said Twilight.
“Well,” said Rainbow Dash sheepishly, brought out a pith helmet from wherever ponies keep things they are not currently using and put it on her head. “Is your herd hostile, and if so do you need a prisoner?”
Thanks to my proofreaders!
