”Grooogar! I need to ask something!”
The Father of All Monsters let out a groan of exasperation and turned to the sound of annoyance just as the source of said sound flitted into the room. Cozy Glow was humming a tune to herself and waggled to a rhythm when she was flying. She was also holding an envelope in her hooves, the address on the front written out with blue crayon in a foal’s clumsy penmanship.
”Oh, golly! Am I interrupting something? So sorry about that,” she said with a big smile that made even Grogar’s ashen heart waver for a moment. She folded her wings and stood in front of him. ”But I could really use your help, and since you are my best friend, you’re gonna help me, right?”
”What do you want?” Grogar asked angrily.
”You shouldn’t take that tone against a friend, but I forgive you!” She fluttered up and patted him on the head between the horns. It was all Grogar could do not to launch her through the wall. ”I need stamps. Do you have stamps?”
”What?” Grogar asked, his perpetual anger yielding to confusion. ”I, Uh… Stamps?”
”Stamps! I need to send this mail to father.” She indicated the envelope. Grogar saw she had even drawn a blue heart on the front. ”He worries so about me! And the postal service from Tartarus was not that good, so now I need to update him on my friendship with Chryssie and Tirek and you! He’ll be so happy I have made so many new friends to exploi- Uh, I mean… bake cinnamon buns with?” Cozy Glow smiled innocently. ”So I need stamps!”
Grogar decided not to ask how Cozy had expected to send anything from the middle of a swamp where nopony had set hoof for millennia before she came here. ”I’ll send it for you,” he said. ”It’s a simple thing for someone with my power. Where should it go?”
”Oh, thanks a lot sir Grogar,” Cozy said. ”Send it to Manehattan, to this address,” she pointed at the blocky letters. It took Grogar five tries to decipher, but once he did his horns barely blinked before the letter was gone from Cozy’s hoof and in Manehattan.
Cozy smiled and flew out of the room.
Svengallop pushed up his spectacles and went through the pile of letters he had received. ”Business to crush, dream to butcher, idea to steal, charity to raid,” he read off quickly and sorted the different letters into various piles depending on what they meant to him. When he came to the last one he balked in surprise, but then he smiled. He’d recognize that hoof writing anywhere. He tore open the envelope and started to read. It was a long time since he heard from his daughter.
Hello father!
Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I have had so much to do and so many friends to make! Oh, golly, where to start…? My studies in friendship have really gone well; I think I even understand things better than Twilight Sparkle herself now, so I can’t wait to be a princess too. I want a horn. Unicorns are really powerful, and I really want to have magic! But maybe I have to wait for a little bit. Twilight got really grumpy when she realized I got friendship much better than she, so she gathered up a group of bullies and ruined my final thesis before kicking me out of her school and into Tartarus.
I was really sad when she did that :((
But then I realized I don’t need her school anyway. I already know anything she can teach me! In fact, I was able to make contact with a really, really good friend when I was working on that thesis, and he just so happened to have the cell next to mine. His name is Tirek, and we spent so much time together, just talking about friendship, drawing stuff, making friendship statuettes, and just really having a good time. He can be a little grumpy at times, but he’s actually a super-softie on the inside! I think he really likes me now that we are here together. He always love it when I call a team meeting or help motivate him during his workout sessions.
Right, I forgot to write it: we’ve escaped. Sir Grogar helped us, so now we work with him and Chryssie to learn more about friendship. Then we will enslave all of Equestria and strangle all who oppose us with their own entrails!
Here his daughter had drawn a purple, vaguely pony-shaped blob with two wings on its back and then smudged a lot of red all over it. There was also a much smaller, pink pegasus with blue curls flying next to the brutalized Twilight.
Chryssie is a Changeling, so she is really interesting. I worry she might be a bit nutty, because she keeps talking to a log all the time, but when she snaps out of it she can be pretty funny too. She even made the best impressions of that meanie Twilight Sparkle. I wish you could have seen them, they were really good!
Grogar really needs to learn more about friendship though. He’s grumpy all the time, and doesn’t seem to trust me a whole lot. Which is stupid. I would totally trust me; I’m cute and lovable!
:)
Anyway, he’s really powerful, even if he’s not the smartest. He even told me how he poured a lot of his power into a cowbell, and then he lost it. So then he had to disappear for thousands of years. Yea… Not the smartest, as I said, but once he starts to trust me a little I’m sure he can be a really good friend!
I’ve got to wrap up here, because I scheduled another team meeting. Chryssie, Tirek and I are going to bake cinnamon buns together as a way to become better friends, and they’d be really sad if I was late. They have been waiting for this the whole day! And then when we are really good friends, we’re gonna backstab Grogar and leave him for dead in this stinking quagmire while Chryssie and Tirek kill Twilight Sparkle and then fight each other to death! So then it will be only me.
:)))
Anyway, I will write again soon! And when I take over Equestria I will come find you in Manehattan so we can talk for real! I’ve really grown since last you saw me. I can even fly perfectly now!
Love you,
Cozy Glow!
Svengallop wiped a few tears from his eyes. Then he read the letter again.
Cinnamon buns, cute drawings, much better spelling. Vengeance, brutalizing your enemies and backstabbing your friends once they are no longer useful.
He sighed wistfully. ”My little filly is all grown up. I’m proud of you, Cozy. Your papa is really proud of you.”
Author's Note
Let's be real, these two are too similar both in personality and, to some degree at least, in appearance for there not to be something going on.
