I want it all

by dragenfire68

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Death, Sad, Original Character, Suicide / Self Harm, Equestria Girls, Tragedy, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 1182

The noise, the sounds of life, all of it, i just want it to stop.

Truth is that I don't want to die, but I don't want to exist, I want it all to stop, to just fade away and be forgotten, I don't have the guts to end my own life, so I live each day hoping that something will happen, anything really.

Published 2019-05-30 01:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-30 01:20:01 UTC

to stop

Author's Note

sorry for the really poor quality, but I've had this on my mind for a while, so here it is.

to stop

My name, well at the end of the day, it doesn't matter much, at least to you it won't, not to anyone.

I guess the truth is that I don't want to die, it's not the pain I'm afraid of, it would be worth it at the end because I'd be free, no I'm afraid of being remembered, I don't want people to grieve, I don't want people to feel as though they could have done more, I know they would mean well, but I just couldn't meet their expectations, not that it wouldn't be nice to have people thinking of me, but I know that I'm not worth it.

A car accident, being murdered at least in those ways the pain of my death could be eased by someone being a scapegoat, at least people that know who I am could blame someone that isn't themselves.

I guess I should explain why I want to depart this world, well to start with, I guess I just don't have the energy to bother with anything but the actions that are expected of me, the feelings of anything are brief, they don't last.

I would like to get to know the people here at Canterlot high, but the truth is that I can't muster up the energy to bother, plus I keep getting weird looks from the girl with bacon hair, I overheard that she can read thoughts, I don't want her to see mine, she doesn't deserve to have my burdens on her shoulders.

they were right, she can hear my thoughts, I wandered near the door to the roof, but before I got the door open she was right there, I don't know why she was even there but I suspect that she may have overheard me, after all, she has classes just like me.

I was wrong, she can't hear me, instead, its touch, turns out I bumped into her at some point and she inadvertently read my mind, great now those seven are watching me, I can feel their eyes on my back, damn it all now I'm some kind of charity case to them, I wish I would just fade and be forgotten, that way at least no one would have to hurt and I could move on, everyone would be happy.

I managed to get on the roof this time, from this height I'm sure the fall would kill me, maybe it would but before I got past that I heard her voice again, the girl with the red hair, I think she asked what I was doing up here of course I lied, said something about appreciating the view, that got her off my back, but I doubt she believed me.

Cutting is too messy, so I've found a new method to ease the voices in my mind, the white-hot tip of the paper clip instantly cauterizes the wound, so I don't need to wait till the wounds stop bleeding, nor do I need to clean the object of choice, nice and clean, no mess to clean up, nothing to let anyone know what I've done.

Dammit, I was so close to being free, I was in the walkway when some drunk idiot ran the red light, but something pulled me from the street, a girl with rainbow hair, rainbow dash was her name, I don't know but she too asked me why I spaced out in the middle of the street, again I lied that I was in the middle of a sick daydream, she asked of course and so I spun a fantastic tale, it seemed to alleviate her curiosity.

She told them, what happened the other day, I know because I sat in my usual place at lunch, lo and behold they came to sit by me, I don't know what game Sunset was playing, because she asked me to retell the tale that I told Rainbow, I think I slipped up once, but if any of them noticed, they didn't show it.

I need to be more careful, Celestia called me into her office, asked me a bunch of questions, a bunch of things about my life at home, school and all that, I think Sunset may have told her that I've been thinking of it again, or maybe I've just been too suspicious.

I wish they wouldn't put so much effort into this, It won't last, I've tried the whole therapist thing, but I know that at the end of the day, it's not that they care, its the money talking, I'm just another patient they fixed, so I'm sorry I don't place my trust in them.

Two months, we've been hanging out for two months, but I'm still tired, I'm so tired, not in the way of actually being tired, rather I'm tired of life, day in and day out I do the same thing, and for what, what's the ultimate point in all this?

It's gotten easier to hide it from them since now I know how their powers work, Sunset can't hear my thoughts unless one of the others has been using hers, otherwise, she has to touch the person in question, hence why I don't accept or give out hugs or any physical contact of any sort.

Figures that I couldn't hide it forever, turns out that Rainbow Dash had been using her powers all morning, ended up tripping, and ended up being caught by none other than sunset, who saw where I put the burns, the wrists are too conspicuous, instead, I've put them on my shins, easier to hide the wounds.

I've been caught, Sunset took me straight to nurse red heart, she correctly knew what caused the burns, I have to play my last trump card, I pleaded with them not to tell anyone, and somehow I was able to convince them not to tell anyone else, and they kept their promise.

A severe storm is raging today, luckily for me, I like severe storms, though the amount of lightning makes me giddy, maybe I'll get to stay home, wait what's that!?

Some idiot took out a telephone pole nearby me, somehow both missed me and I hear shouting, its sunset and that girl named rarity, but the puddle near my foot is crackling with electricity, now or never I guess, since I may never get a chance at this.

it hurts so much, I don't know how I'm still.... having thoughts but I guess that time moves differently as your dying, I can't see them, but I somehow still hear them, they're screaming, however, I stop feeling at some point though, but as of right now I can't feel anything, nor can I move anything, I guess this is what feels like to die, I think I'm just gonna close my eyes, I know this is a selfish wish, but I hope I don't wake up.