The One Timer

by Lerd_Gamer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Dungeons and Dragons, Ocellus
Length: 1467

So this is just a little one shot to help clear my mind right now, enjoy!

WARNING, EXTREME MEMEAGE AHEAD, CAUTION FOR SENSETIVE EMOTIONS TO POSSIBLY BE TOUCHED. Anyways, back to normal text. I swear to you that War of the Crowns Chapter 2 is coming soon, I just realized I almost conflicted my entire storyline and had to completely start over :/ but hey, its just another thing to do. Anyways, enjoy this little one timer story folks!

Published 2019-05-31 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-31 04:50:01 UTC

Ayy lmao

"Have at thee!" The Black Knight spoke in his elustrious middle english voice.
"The fuck are you saying?!?" Henry, a very confused college professor says before his head gets wacked off. The knight laughs in victory for all of 12 seconds, thats is before the campus police showed up.

*Boomboomboom boom boom....boom*

(sound effects brought to you by the one and only, Sr Pelo)

"OH GREAT LORD, I HATH BEEN WOUNDED IN BATTLE!!! WHATEVER SHALL I DO???" The Knight rolled around in writhing pain, before promptly stopping his dramatic show. "Hah! You think you can actually defeat the Black Knights with mere copper tipped propellent, powdered weapons? Then thou art a fool! A fool I say," he exclaimed to the officers before a college student walks in and spills her coffee on him. It just so happened to be Starbucks.

The Knight looks in horror as he feels the earth tremble,he knows whats coming. He says in a low voice," What hath ye done?" That's all he can say before he is swarmed and taken down by people with loadsamoney as they senselessly beat him with wads of dosh. Every fiber of his being is in pain from the thicc wads that would put Bill Gates to shame. The pack of college riches carry him off into the distance and to a secret room of Starbuck worshippers, never to be seen again.

The rest of the class stare in shock as to what happens before Twilight walks in and takes a seat, not noticing the chaos because she has her muzzle pressed into the crease of the book she is currently reading, which is, "To Kill a Bluejay." She finally looks up with her eyes close, takes a breathe, and says,"Good mor-" only to stop as she notices the room is in disarray. In the room, much has changed. The students (hoo manz) are running around, panicking along with her actual students, somehow a fire was started, and in the middle sits Spongebob and Patrick.
"Look, we did it Patrick! We saved the whole campus! Could you have imagined if we didn't warn anyone?" Twilight, now seeing this, sits...and keeps sitting.

*In the real world, at a DnD/GnO convention with Spike as the DM*

Spike is leaning, waiting for the mage to make their damned roll. When they finally did, he wasn't suprised when Big Mac rolled a natural 1, a critical failure. He only stared because this was his roll on perception. "Oh sweet Luna, this is going to be some game." Hearing this from Spike, Discord laughs at the outrageous outcome of his campaign he wrote for Spike to host. He didn't expect this much chaos to come out of it, but everyones' d20 seems to be hating them tonight...or it could be a little bit of his cheeky influence.

"This is fine," Twilight states, seeing nothing wrong with the tiny dusty particle her eyes adjusted to seeing. It, for some reason she is unaware of, is perfectly lit for her eyes to adjust just on this particularly straight peice of dust. In which it then lands on her eye, sending her into eye pain lane for hours to come of unable to use her right eye properly. She had only added to the chaos, making Discord himself probly very tickled at the scene, especially with the infiltrator right above who started this with her now probly Starbuck Demon Offering ded brethern.

The changrling above her chittered in success, knowing she well deserved the one partical of rations General Secretary Sta-I meant Queen Chrysalis- would offer for her success. She was a proud Red in her hive, though she recieved much resistance outside the hive, namingly a particular stallion name Len Appearo. He was always try to disprove her cleverly well weaved lies with his facts that were actually existant unlike her support. As she chittered to herself at the seen she and her partner caised, she failed to see an actual Big Menace behind her.

"If I was a stinking communist like you, I'd run faster than the Sputnik II upon arrival from space," a man with an aged, but charismatic voice said. Sickle Cell jumped in fear, her magnificient, dark coat turning white. She slowly, shakingly almost, turned around and saw the man before her.

There stood the man, the meme, the myth, and even the legend, Ronald Reagan. He stood towering her in a good 4' more, his California Silk suit that was clean and pressed, and his usually kind, gentle face holding a hardened expression on it. He looked fearsome.

"Uuuuhmm, sorry I no comprehend language?" Sickle said in a small and weak voice.

"Oh no, don't worry. I have plenty of proof you can speak and understand me. Horbachev told me all about it and how he put you up to that plan down there, and I'm afraid you are not going to see the next moon rise, missy," he said in a tone that held the winds of fury back. He started by pulling an M16 out with a magazine from his pocket. "Now usually, politicians don't like others running nor have a good start, but I'm a man of heart. I'll give you π of a second to take off."

"1," Sickle's mind began racing and she quickly thought up a spell done only by Comrade Chrysalis herself. The Wall Spell, disabling anyone, mainly capitalist, from crossing an area for more than 50 years.

"Ha, do you think ma- oh my Lord. DAMN YOU MR. GORBACHEV AND YOUR WALLS, DAMN YOOOOOOUUU!!! THIS WON'T STOP OL' REAGAN," Reagan screamed, confusing Sickle. Not even Kohn F Jennidy could pass throught he duperior wall spell, only Mutran got through but that was because he snuck pegasi supply lines over. But soon enough, it became very evident what was about to happen, because her train of thought was stopped when a humonguous crack showed from a pounding on the other side. "REAGAN SMASH, REAGAN SMASH!! MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL, TEAR IT DOWN!!!! YOUR EVIL EMPIRE STOPS NOW!" One after another, a crack form larger than the last. It only took 4 hits for the wall to come down, with a very pissed Reagan on the other side. "Now I want you to remember, that if Nixon wasn't a crook, them I am not about to make you suffer," he said in a leveled voice, but before he could take vengence to his words, he was struck by a dart. "Oh, Reagan sleepy." He then proceeded to be pulled through a portal by Secret Service before he hit the ground.

*Back to the table at the convention*

Spike stared, wondering why has his life lead up to this point. Discord had left, fearing he might laugh another chaotic snapping spree lose on the public if he didn't stop. Big Mac had given up on logic, playing the Changeling Sickle as a Assassin Halfling, but it was Luna's reaction that caught everyone's attention who had watched the clusterfrickof a session.

She had stayed calm and was the one playing Reagan, a Noble Paladin homebrew race. She, once her character was confronted with a wall however, went ballistic. Trying to use her two inspiration to add damage to her already high bonuses on the nat20's she rolled. Spike had half collected his thiughts and said,"Ok, uhm, I think we're done her for today. Let's hope this never happens again."

But sadly, as fate woukd have it, it didn't. Reagan popped his head out of a portal and screamed into the rather large room,"YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD RUN, YOU DIRTY COMMIE? WELL ME AND EISENHOWER GOT NEWS FOR YOU! MR. EISENHOWER, FIRE THAT DAMNED DAVVY CROCKET RIFLE!" As he finished his sentence, a bald man in a rather intimedating uniform had a very large bomb shell on the end of a sun yellow colored rod and tripod pointed into the room. When the shell left the portal, the portal instantly closed and the mininuke hit the ground. Reagan on the other side shook Eisenhower's hand and said with joy,"We did it, we stopped Communism. Once and for all."

"Hmhmhmm, thats what you think," the 'Eisenhower' stated, shifting into Comrade Chrysalis! She promptly pulled out a TT-34 Out of her jacket and shot Reagan, missing his main organs and hitting his side. She was then properly Thot beamed out of existance from Ben Shapiro.

"And you see folks, that's how you stop an idiot," he said, closing the final scene by bowing to you, the reader. Thank you for reading this wack acid trip of a one shot. Mainly a meme fic here so idc :/

Author's Note

Tell Luna,

B O T T O M T E X T