Author's Note

This was a really, really long chapter, and I had a lot of fun with it. It went places I didn't know it would go. It was nice. I didn't quite hit the point for the ending I wanted to get to, but I think it ended quite nicely all the same.

I hope you all enjoy it!

Padded Reflections And Diapered Dreams

As Soarin lay there on his newly padded flank, he was awash with sensations, both physical and emotional. His diaper was rather cushy, but also somewhat plastic, and it was somewhat confusing for him to think of them both melded together- even though that was exactly what this was. The plastic portion of it gave off the telltale crinkling that told other ponies a diaper was being worn, and it was such a strange sound to hear- not because the sound itself was necessarily odd, but because something about it plucked a string in his memory from a very long time ago- something just out of reach that he couldn’t quite grasp.

As he took stock of these physical sensations, he also kicked a hoof experimentally. Certainly, he was used to clothing restricting his range of motion, considering his workwear, but he knew intuitively that this would be something he would have to adjust to. If- Celestia forbid- He was close to leaking in the night and needed a change, he would need to be able to run if his wings were too sore to carry him (as they usually were at their weakest in the middle of the night). So, he got to his hooves with a bit of trouble, and began to walk. The diaper made walking difficult. The padding, though not as poofy as he might have once feared, was enough to restrict his ability to move quite a bit. He suddenly realized why foals waddled everywhere, and saw that he may just have to do the same.

Walking around in his diaper was an odd experience. Hearing the crinkling that came with every movement was a sort of echoing reminder of his problem, and he didn’t like that one bit. And yet, as he walked, he found it oddly reassuring. The waddling would take some getting used to, certainly, but the padding between his back legs reassured him that were he to have any accidents, he would be protected from making a mess. That, at lest, was some cold comfort. All of these physical sensations came with emotional counterparts. The crinkling coupled with shame, and the waddling his embarrassment, but the reassurance came with something it took him a few minutes to place: curiosity.

At first, he didn’t understand what that sense of curiosity was for, and then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit him all at once. What was it going to feel like to use his diaper? Several other questions, naturally, came along with that. Was it going to be even more difficult to walk after that? Just how much could this diaper hold? Would he need to go to his mother for a change? What would she say or think of him for using it?

The questions swirled around in his head, until they became a cocktail of nonsense. His head was beginning to hurt from all of those questions that now, it seemed, couldn’t be untangled from one another and just plucked out for examination one at a time. So, going back to his bed to lie down, he tried to focus on the emotional part of it.

His embarrassment and shame went hoof and hoof. A grown stallion forced to wear diapers to keep his bed dry was not normal, nor a natural phase in development. Certainly his doctor could have given him a book full of platitudes for why he shouldn’t feel that way, but just because he said those things, didn’t mean Soarin didn’t feel them. He could only imagine the absolute shame to be heaped upon him were his teammates to ever find out. Thunderlane, Fleetfoot, Blaze… The only pony he might count out of that was Spitfire, since she, at least, would know why he was wearing them. Still, he didn’t want any of them to know. This was his burden, and he had to shoulder it.

The curiosity, though, was also there. It was strange though. Because one of the questions earlier that he’d shoved away from his mind before he’d ever counted it among the questions swirling about his head was would he like it? Honestly, he’d wanted to slap himself for that one. That question hadn’t felt like his own at all. He’d had moments in his life before where thoughts in his head hadn’t been his own, and when he’d followed them, interesting things had always come. But he didn’t want anything interesting to come of this. This wasn’t something to be proud of, it was to be shamed. Society had certainly ingrained that much into his brain. It was one thing, certainly, to enjoy cuddling with your mother or to occasionally play with some toys. Those things, at least, were marginally acceptable and explainable. But this, wearing diapers and possibly enjoying them, was something that society wouldn’t ever understand.

Frustrated with his thoughts and emotions all being out of whack, Soarin took his next dose of medication for the day, and went to sleep.

His dreamland that night was Wonderbolt Stadium. Crowds of hundreds cheered, waiting to see him perform his stunts alongside his teammates. The show was just climbing to the big finale. Spitfire on one side of him, and Blaze on the other, flanked him. Rainbow Dash was far overhead of him. As he would fly up, Rainbow Dash would encircle him and do several jump-like maneuvers to make a flower, of which he was the center after he made the stem. Spitfire and Blaze broke away from him, as he flew up to make that stem, and as soon as he hit that point where he was to stop and be the center of the flower- the crowd seemingly burst into laughter without warning. Looking, he saw Spitfire and Blaze staring at him too. Rainbow Dash seemingly kept on with her formation, creating a rainbow of petals near him, but when he looked down, he saw the source of their laughter. The well defined bulge of a diaper was under his flight suit, and was apparently expanding rapidly. Rainbow Dash, in keeping her framing of him going, was only making his shame more festive. The laughter of the crowds was so loud it hurt his eardrums. That, plus the weight of the diaper, caused him to go find a cloud to land on. He covered his eyes and plugged his ears with his wings, thinking go away, go away, go away, go away…

And then, suddenly, all was quiet, and Soarin dared to peek out from behind his feathers. What he saw awed him.

Silencing his hecklers was The princess of the night herself, Princess Luna. Luna came down onto his cloud, as the ponies in the stadium and Wonderbolts above him seemed to vanish.

“P-Princess Luna!” He stammered. “This is a dream…?”

“Yes, my friend. I assure you, you will open your eyes fairly soon and awake in your own bed. But, when you wake, the nightmare will continue, because you are hiding from it instead of facing it.”

“I don’t hide!” He protested immediately. Then, remembering who he was talking to, he shrunk back. “S-Sorry.”

Luna smiled gently at him. “Anger is born out of fear, Soarin. It manifests itself because of what we don’t yet understand ourselves.”

“What’s there not to understand? I’m wearing a diaper because of an infection, and I’m afraid of being humiliated. That’s it. It’s the end of the story.”

“Is it, though?” She asked him. “I’ve seen many nightmares in my time, Soarin. I’ve seen the nightmares of fillies and colts, as well as mares and stallions. In my experience, nightmares are only this vivid and especially distressing when they are either deeply afraid, or covering something up. In many cases, it’s both. Will you allow me to show you something?” She asked him.

He nodded. “What do I have to lose?”

Luna opened a white swirling portal near them, and both ponies stepped through. A starry expanse of space awaited them, all filled with different doors. As Luna went forward a foot or two, he recognized the door she stopped at. It was the door to his mother’s bedroom, inscribed with her cutie mark. Before she opened it or entered it, She used her horn to cast a spell on herself and Soarin.

“This spell will let us go unseen, untouched, and unheard.” She told him, before opening the door. He simply nodded and followed her.

All was bright for a moment, and then the dream came into view.

It was their home, but the furniture looked much newer, and many stains were gone. Just as Soarin was about to ask Luna what was going on, the silhouettes of two ponies coming down the hall came in, and he quieted. To his utter surprise, it was his mother, and his father from what he’d seen of him, with his mother carrying an infant version of him in her hooves. Sky Streak and Breeze Chaser looked at one another lovingly, and shared a kiss, before looking down at their baby.

“We sure made a miracle, didn’t we?” Sky Streak smiled.

“We sure did.” Breeze Chaser grinned, before pulling Soarin into his own hooves, and tossing him up in the air. He squealed at the sensation, and joy radiated from his face. Sky meanwhile, was laughing and smiling as her husband played with her son. She radiated a kind of peace and contentment that Soarin himself had never seen. When he turned to Luna, to ask what was going on, she anticipated his question.

“This is a memory your mother has from your infancy. It is very much a happy dream for her. I brought you here, Soarin, to make a point to you. Your deep fear, along with what you wish to hide now, is that wearing these diapers makes you feel comforted, and on a subconscious level, reminds you of the father you lost too young. What you fear, and what you hide, even just by your expression a few moments ago, is that your fear it could make you happy and be something you want. But looking at this dream… I don’t think you are the only one who feels that way.”

Soarin glanced back to his mother as he tried to process those words and make sense of them. In the time Luna had spoken, Sky Streak had taken hold of his infant self and was blowing raspberries on his tiny belly while he squealed and squirmed. It made him smile a little, before turning back to the night princess.

“I don’t understand something. Why is my mother having this dream? Of all the memories she could have picked, why this?”

Luna smiled. “Do you really think you were the only one who found comfort in those diapers? Your mother seemed to have found comfort in them too, because it meant she could take care of you. I’ve been in enough dreams of parents to know when they have a child getting ready to leave home, and wish to be in a time where they felt needed, and your mother is no exception to this rule.”

Soarin nodded slowly, understanding creeping in. “So what do I do now?”

Luna smiled a bit more at that. “You explore if this is something you want, or something that makes you happy. You don’t stop until you have the answers. If it is, talk to your mother, because as you can see I think she could offer her insights. Your journey of self discovery is a lifelong one, and this could simply be a small part of that. Leaving home often brings out things in us we did not know previously existed. I urge you to give this time, and see what it brings. In the meantime, I can promise you that you are not the first stallion to have this issue. I have seen many stallions with this problem, and the ones that have faced it have taken control of their nightmares. It is up to you if you want to continue hiding, but just know that you cannot hide from the one place you can never escape- your mind.”

Luna opened up the dream door, and she and Soarin walked back through to his dream door.

Soarin looked up at her. “Thank you, Princess, for helping me.” His smile was wan, but it was there.

She smiled in turn. “Anytime. I’m afraid when you enter back through the door, you will wake, so I must depart here. But should you find yourself in need, I shall return.” She promised.

He smiled, much bigger now. “Thank you.”

“Goodnight, Soarin."

“Goodnight Princess Luna.” He smiled.

As the princess walked down the corridor, he entered through his dream door, and the last image he could catch sight of was his mother’s face.

Then, he bolted awake in bed.