Anon Bangs Cookie Crumbles

Pre-workout Cardio

Rarity groaned in agony.

She was close. So close!

Sweat poured down her brow as she gyrated rhythmically, her heart pounding in her breast, her mouth gasping for air. Her purple tail thrashed left and right, and her muscles ached for release.

‘I’m not going to make it! I… I can’t take it!’ Rarity’s willpower wavered as her pace quickened, approaching a crescendo. She could feel herself letting go; her vision fading as she gave in to exhaustion, like she was descending slowly down a deep, dark well. Her sweat now coated the floor of the carousel boutique. With a final effort, she threw her head back wildly and let out a desperate, final scream.

“...aaaaand that’s the end of the session mares! And the end of tape one - basic Jazzercise!” The TV screen blared out. The perky young pegasus on the screen sported a cheerful smile before pointing at her unseen audience with her wing. “Make sure you take a rest day, then pop in tape 2 - intermediate Jazzercise - and remember: stay Jazzy!”

Rarity slumped to the floor with a wet splat - her soaked fitness wristbands and headbands overwhelmed by the exertion of the little aerobic fitness session. She grimaced at her television set as the pretty fitness hostess walked off set. ‘She didn’t even break a sweat! Those damn pegasi! Just how do they do it?’

“Wow, honey! You really built up a sweat! And that was just the beginner’s tape!”

Rarity levitated a towel to her cheek before looking over at her mother, Cookie Crumbles. The plump, light-pink unicorn chuckled from behind her hoof. Her sweatband was barely moist! And her breathing was calmer than the surface of Ponyville pond on a hot summer’s eve! Even her beautiful long purple hair was barely mussed... though she had let it down from her usual hive-styled do’ for the aerobic exercise.

“M-mother… H-how… are you not… tired?” Rarity gasped from the ground while levitating a water-bottle (emblazoned with her cutie-mark, of course) to her mouth so she could take a deep, thirsty draw of the refreshing liquid.

“Really, hun? I do spin-classes with the girls three times a week.” Cookie rolled her eyes then stood up, proudly showing off her sumptuous assets to her daughter with a wry smile. “These babies may look plump, but they’re all muscle!”

“I would never have believed it.” Rarity giggled, charging her horn with magical energy as she prepared to execute her well-practiced hair-coiffing spell. “But you’ve definitely convinced me, mother. I certainly have a lot of catching up to do.”

Rarity released the charge, magical tendrils slicing along her alabaster fur and cleaning it of sweat, combing out any tangles or misplaced ends in her gorgeous purple mane. It left her sparkling with radiance.

“Oh, isn’t that useful!” Cookie chuckled, removing her red headband and peeling off her exercise outfit. “Could you do me hun? It’ll save me from looking such a mess on the way back home.”

Rarity grimaced, looking at her mother’s beautiful mane with mild annoyance. She hated the ridiculous hairstyle Cookie always chose: big hair had gone out of style decades ago and she looked so beautiful with her long mane askew and spilling down her back.

“Uh… sure… but would you like me to do something a little different? A braid, or some curls perhaps? Yakyakistanian loops are all the rage in Prance this summer.” Rarity tried one more time to suggest something different, even though she already knew what her mother’s answer would be.

“Oh Rarity, we’ve been over this!” Cookie rolled her eyes. “I like getting my hair up and out of the way. Besides, the ‘bee-hive’ was the style that landed me your father, the handsomest stallion at the midtown Manehattan highschool dance of ‘78.”

“Yes, but mother, wasn’t that a themed dance, where all the ponies were dressed up as characters from that musical… GREASE?” Rarity groaned, resigned to restoring her mother’s ridiculous beehive hairstyle, charging her spell so she could cast it on her beloved mother.

“So? It still landed me my stud-muffin.” She grinned and pointed at herself with a hoof, motioning for her daughter to cast her magic. “And if he likes it… I like it…”

Rarity sighed, casting the spell, her magic raced along her mother’s body, restoring her. “Has he ever even mentioned that he likes your manestyle?”

Cookie adjusted her bangs and brooch. “Well he hasn’t mentioned that he doesn’t like it.”

“So... you two are happily retired now, it must be nice to have more time with each other.”

Cookie nodded, rolling her eyes with a sigh.

Rarity chuckled nervously, she hadn’t been expecting that kind of response.

“Well... how are you two getting along these days?” Rarity asked, trotting over to the kitchen. “Have you found the move to Ponyville a welcome change? I certainly appreciate these workouts together.”

Cookie hesitated, faltering slightly... not following after her daughter with the usual pep and enthusiasm that mare seemed to have an interminable supply of.

Rarity looked back at her with concern. “Mother? Is something the matter?” Rarity took another sip of ice-water from her bottle.

“Well, since you asked…” Cookie pulled out a chair from Rarity’s kitchen table, sliding in and leaning on her elbows with gravitas. She took in a deep breath, steeling herself before spilling the beans. “...the sex has been just terrible.”

Pffft! Rarity’s mouthful of water ended up sprayed half across her kitchen counter.

“Oh, I’m not saying that he can’t get it up!” Cookie quickly corrected. “Not at all! He can get his little-stiffy up any time.”

“Mother.”

“He may not the tallest tree in the forest, sure… but he’ll get up faster than Celestia’s dress size after a bake sale.” She chuckled as she indicated Hondo’s size with a rather small, oblong magical field, making it quickly rise up and down in an unmistakable demonstration. “Not that I was ever the deepest cave in the mountains... if you know what I mean... your father has always been perfectly adequate.”

“MOTHER. Please.” Rarity groaned, resisting the urge to plug her ears with her hooves. “I really didn’t need to know any of this.”

“Oh.” Cookie Crumbles sagged in her seat, ears splaying back. “I’m sorry hun. I just, I was thinking it was something I could talk to you about. You’re such a sophisticated, mature mare.”

Rarity sighed, taking a seat across from her and reached a comforting hoof out, begrudgingly. She hadn’t realized that her mother might confide in her — might see her as a trusted confidant as much as a daughter.

“No, no. I… was just a bit surprised, was all.” Rarity sighed. “I’m here for you, of course. So… If not father’s… smallness... What is your concern with his… performance, then?”

Cookie looked up at her daughter with hesitation. “Well… don’t you find it’s all a bit… boring after a while?”

“Boring?”

“Like everything is just a re-run.” Cookie sighed, tapping the table idly with her hoof. “Every Saturday night, we watch Game of Drones… then I go up to our bed… get on all fours… he climbs on…” She grinned wryly. “Couple’a pumps and we’re off to Luna-land.”

Rarity raised a speculative eyebrow. “Th-that’s it?”

“Oh, well… sometimes because of the hoofball game, Game of Drones is on Friday night…”

“No, no, I mean…” Rarity leaned in, perplexed, unbelieving, “is that all you two… do?”

“Sure is. And let me tell you honey…” Cookie let out a heavy sigh, slumping deeper into her chair, “as a mare… I’m feeling bored. Unsatisfied.”

“Oh cheer up, mother!” Rarity patted Cookie’s hoof reassuringly. “It’s quite a common affliction among married ponies. All things do tend to get a bit drab after a while.”

Cookie looked up hopefully. “Really? So what do those married ponies… do?”

Rarity smirked. “Well. I make no claim to be the foremost expert on these things, but have you and father tried… spicing things up in the bedroom?”

“They use spices?” Cookie looked down at her lower bits with a skeptical tilt.

“No! Well… sometimes.” Rarity chuckled. “I meant, have you tried… dressing up? Or different positions? Perhaps a bit of foreplay?”

“Honey, your father isn’t a young colt anymore.” Cookie shook her head in disbelief. “He doesn’t need to do all that fancy stuff: he’s already got a mare.”

“Well clearly Dad DOES need to be doing a bit more, or else we wouldn’t be having this little discussion, now would we? Have you even asked him? Perhaps he’s interested in something new as well?”

“Oh I did ask him the other night — wanted to see if he’d try giving me a little nip on the neck after a couple of pumps.” Cookie blushed a bit. “I felt a bit ashamed to ask… very wild, I know. But you should have seen his reaction! He was worried that he wasn’t good enough for me, asked me over and over if everything was all right.” Herears splayed back. “He told me that he thought I was just beautiful as I am — didn’t want to mess up what we have by doing some sort of fancy stuff.”

“Oh. Hmm.” Rarity slumped down. “I suppose fixing sex issues between married couples isn’t as easy as the mare-magazines always make them out to be…”

“What if I was just a sophisticated young Canterlot fashionista? What would you do for fun?”

Rarity blushed slightly. She hesitated to tell her mother about the whips, wax, toys… the wild nights… the socialite sex parties. Her mother’s brain might just melt if she knew what was normal in the after-parties of the fashion world.

“W-well… hmm. What do you fantasize about, mother? That’s what’s really important.”

“So, I actually did have one idea.” Cookie spoke up, her smile growing excitedly.

“Yes?”

“Well, I did have a chance to chat with Rainbow Dash and Twilight’s moms the last time we were all together for that charity foundation dinner: ‘Superhero Mothers Against Segragation of Humans’.“

Rarity cocked her head. “Why are you going to an event like that?”

“Well, it’s actually Mrs. Shy’s foundation. She’s trying her darndest to stop the Equestrian government from making humans live separately from us.”

“There’s only one human in Equestria.” Rarity scowled. “I know him… hay… you met him briefly, a few months back. I locked him in my fridge, remember?”

“Oh yes! He was such an energetic fellow!” Cookie giggled, blushing. “And Mrs. Shy spoke so highly of him… Velvet and Windy too.”

“Really?” Rarity deadpanned. “So back to the point… you were saying chatting with my friends’ mothers had given you some kind of idea about how to improve things with dad?” The unicorn took another sip from her waterbottle — practically inviting the Gods of cliche to strike her down.

“Well, I was thinking, why not let your human friend rut me?”

Rarity spewed water once again, barely missing her mother with a fountainous spit-take.

“Mother! I feel like perhaps you’re missing a few steps when you go from a neck-nip to an interspecies extramarital affair!” she squeaked out, her hackles rising.

“Oh not at all!” Cookie waved a hoof at her daughter dismissively. “I had a long conversation with Twilight and Windy; according to them, it doesn’t count if your partner is from another dimension.”

“It… it doesn’t count?”

“That’s what they said!”

“And why would they get to decide whether such a thing counts!?”

“Well… Both of them have actually had a chance to experience Anon’s… talents first-hoof.” Cookie smiled, waving a hoof casually. “So they’re kind of experts... of a sort…”

“Yes, I’m aware that he slept with Twilight, Rainbow’s and Fluttershy’s mothers...” Rarity groaned, rubbing her temples as she felt a powerful headache coming on. “He makes sure to remind us all as often as he can…”

“So, would you be… willing to introduce me?” Cookie blushed and fanned herself with a hoof, before tittering with excitement. “Oh, would you just listen to me, acting like a school-filly about to have her first date.”

“Mother, the very last thing that I would ever do is to introduce you to… him,” Rarity grumbled through grit teeth, then gestured to the refrigerator. “I hope you recall just how quickly things went sideways the first time you met him. It took me hours to get him out of there after you’d left.”

“Oh he was certainly a playful one,” Cookie giggled, “so full of mischievous energy! I actually did add him to my fantasy list after that afternoon.”

Rarity stared at her incredulously. “I can’t believe this.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe you. In any case, I shall be doing my very best to ensure that I keep you two as far apart as possible.”

“Oh really?” Cookie wiggled her eyebrows and poked her daughter with her hoof. “Not willing to share with your poor old mom, huh? I thought I had brought you up to be more generous than that!”

“W-what!?” Are you implying that I… with him?” Rarity tapped her own chest with a hoof. “Moi, the very visiion of Equestrian poise and gentility… communing with that - that… animal!?”

“Woah. That’s actually pretty species-ist, Rara.” Anon said from the kitchen doorway, peeking in with a disappointed frown on his face. “Though, is species-ism even a thing? Like if I hate those fuckin’ breezie bugs that keep gumming up my bug-zapper every night, does that mean I’m the bad person?”

“ANON, WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?” Rarity screamed jumping up on all four hooves and panting in fear, all pretense of poise abandoned.

“What? The gay fru-fru shirt you made for me lost all its buttons and I wanted to get you to fix it.” Anon pointed at his dress shirt, currently hanging open under his blazer, exposing his muscular chest. “For free. You know… I’m sure there’s a warranty or whatever. You don’t have to throw such a bitch-fit.”

“You… you sanctimonious, swine-sucking, shameless, snarky simian!” Rarity exhorted. “Not only did I give you that shirt as a gift out of the goodness of my heart when I’d first met you — before I knew you for what you are — not only did I stitch each button for you by hoof, not only do I absolutely not provide warranties or free repairs with any of my clothing… but my store isn’t even open!” Rarity’s tone had been getting more and more shrill as she went on, rising from her seat. “Just how the hay did you get in!?””

“Well, I saw that your door was locked, so I walked over to the side of the shop and pushed open the bay window.” Anon shrugged, taking off his jacket and preparing to undo the cuffs of his shirt. “I was going to scream out that you should wake the eff up and come down, but heard some voices, so I figured I oughta just hop in…”

“Well, that’s a very fine story of breaking and entering — for which I will be pressing charges — but I need you out of my home right now.” Rarity began prodding the human out of the kitchen with her horn, driving him toward the exit. She had one chance to prevent this situation from spiralling out of control, and she wouldn’t squander it.

“Rude.”

“Why, I’ll even repair your shirt for free! If… you’ll.. just… leave… NOW.”

“Hang on Rara… just who is this lovely mare you’re escorting me away from?” Anon asked, looking over his shoulder at Cookie Crumbles, who was just staring in awe at the scene unfolding before her. “Haven’t I met her before?”

“She’s nopony! You haven’t met. Now LEAVE.”

“Oh, hello there! I don’t think we’ve ever met properly.” Cookie got up from her chair, walking toward the tall human. “My name is Cookie Crumbles. I’m Rarity’s mother. We met once a few months ago, briefly. I’m pleased t—”

In a skillfully agile shift of his hips, Anon twirled out of Rarity’s grasp and sashayed over to the older mare, crouching down on one knee so that he was at her height.

“Rarity’s mother? You don’t say…” He smiled with a wolfish grin. “Why, I thought you were one of Rarity’s supermodel clients.”

Anon scooped the unicorn up under her armpits, hoisting her over his head as if she were a pet golden retriever. “I mean, jeez… Rarity, you never told me that your mom was so… thick!”

Rarity’s face quickly rivalled the crimson color palette of Big Macintosh. “Get your damned, dirty, ape hands off of her!” she shouted, leaping to rescue Cookie from his predatory clutches.

Anon, however, swung out of the way effortlessly. “Why, these legs look like they could rival that hick Appulhorse’s thunder-thighs…” he mused aloud, twisting again and dodging a second attempt, as if it were a dance he’d practiced all his life.He sat Cookie atop the kitchen table, circling her like he were inspecting a piece of meat. “...And those hips... I can see how she was able to squeeze your fat ass out thirty-five years ago.”

Rarity let out a scream and stomped her hoof. “Anonymous, you shall cease saying such horrid insults about my dear mother!” she roared, steam shooting from her nostrils. “More importantly, I am twenty-seven and my derriere is slim and—”

“Yeah yeah, would you shut up already, you prissy little snob?” Anon waved a hand dismissively at her. “I’m only interested in the real beauty in the room here.”

“Ooooooh!” Rarity’s mind screamed. Usually, she could give as good as she got; her tongue was famous for the venom it could deliver on short notice. The catharsis from telling the arrogant ass that he should return to his sewer-swamp of a domicile to continue his life’s work of imprinting his disgusting, cyst-filled ass into his sofa as he contemplated how he would perish, friendless and alone… was denied her.

Right now her focus was on rescuing her mother.

The words sounded so good in her mind too! But verbally thrashing the fool would need to wait until she could secure Cookie from his clutches.

“So, Mrs. Rarity’s Mom, let me get straight to the point.” Anon directed a finger at Cookie’s snout, making her eyes, then moved it to point at the mare’s rear. “You…” The finger twisted and turned, angling back to point as his own crotch. “...me...” The human lifted his other hand and made an ‘O-K’ sign, then proceeded to thrust his pointing index finger in and out of it with vigor.

“Anon.” Rarity growled. He was so impossible to control, so vulgar, so infuriating!

The human ignored her as he continued to thrust his finger into his other hand, faster and faster… before beginning to make falsetto moaning sounds. “Oh oh oh, yes Anon! Yes!”

“Anon!”

The human clenched his ‘O-K’ sign, making it grip his finger with rhythmic pulses. He let out a long slow, plaintive groan then made a small explosion sound, bursting his fingers in all directions.

“What do you say, Mrs. Rarity’s-mom?”

Rarity gripped the back of Anon’s head with her magic and smashed it against the kitchen table, pinning him there. She almost never acted out physically, but the rage she felt was overwhelming. If she couldn’t control this beast with manners or decency, she’d restrain him physically.

“Anon you’ll shut your gutter-mouth and cease your filthy, decadent antics or I’ll… I’ll… make you eligible to be a castrato in the Canterlot symphony opera.”

“What?” Anon managed to mouth out, despite having his cheeks pressed into the table.

“Stop propositioning my mother or I’ll cut your bucking balls off!!!” Rarity’s voice was loud enough to rattle the kitchen cabinetry.

“Young filly! You stop that right now!” Rarity felt the pit of her stomach drop, an instinctive reaction to that motherly tone that all well-raised ponies knew all too well. “And let Mr. Anon go, this instant. I raised you better than to use magic like that.”

Rarity clenched her teeth, but couldn’t resist the instinct to obey her mother. “Y-yes mother.”

The blue field lessened and Anon immediately shot her a shit-eating smile. “Yeah, Rarity…

“And you, Mr. Anon.” Cookie glanced over at the human with a wry grin. Rarity noticed with some satisfaction that her mother managed to get even the rambunctious human to stiffen at her motherly tone. “...I’m all for a little youthful exuberance, but really you need to be a bit more polite to a mare when propositioning her…” Cookie’s confidence suddenly faltered a bit as the situation caught up with her - her cheeks turned a deep red… “...even if she’s going to say yes.”

“H-huh?” Rarity watched with dismay as Anon’s expression slowly melted from one of impious mirth to stunned confusion. She could just imagine the gears turning in his head as he tried to appreciate what had just been said.

Rarity tried to make one last plea. “Mother, please - anypony BUT this ma-”

“Awww yes!” The human pumped his fist exuberantly. “Anon’s getting his dick wet tonight! Suck it, whitey! Wow, never thought I’d get to say that.”

Rarity felt her eye twitch as the human used both hands to indicate the exact region on his body that he was intending to make use of. “Why don’t you take a hike, you over-hyped rag merchant: I’m about to make you a new half-sister.”

“I’m not going anywhere!” Rarity shouted, her eyebrows knitting together in fury. “I-I… I’ll see to it that my mother is treated like a lady, whether I approve of her partner or not!”

Anon tilted his head to one side, reaching behind with a hand to scratch his scalp with a perplexed expression. “Woah… I mean… I guess you seem like the kind that might like to watch Rarity… I do put on one hell of a show - I should sell tickets!” Anon slammed his fist into his open palm. “But still… your mom? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a kink-shamer… but this feels more like something AJ and Applebloom would be int-”

“Anon!” Rarity sputtered. How did he always manage to take everything she said in the most embarrassing possible way!? “That’s not what I meant you simian simpleton! I have no intention on being present while you… you… rut my mother!” She began to charge energy in her horn menacingly. “If you continue to imply the same we’ll find out just how well you enjoy ‘Brown Nose the Weird’s’ copious coprophagia spell!”

“Why would you even know that spell!? Hmm… guess that explains why your breath smell like ass, though.”

“It was in a book I read! I’ve never-” Rarity simmered, realizing the human had once again gotten the upper hoof on her, before she took a moment to compose herself and redirect her focus. “I’m not going to spectate you and my moth-”

“Actually.” A small voice piped up.

Rarity’s ears turned to face the source of the interjection: her mother, carefully climbing down from the kitchen table. She could see something different in the older mare - during their conversation there had once been a grinning excitement, a playful curiosity… but it was now a faltering nervousness. Her mother sported a deep blush, her brow seemed sweaty (and not from the earlier aerobic workout), her legs seemed to tremble slightly with fear - even her ears were splayed back.

“I-I w-wouldn’t actually mind if… Rarity was th-there.” Cookie’s eyes locked with Rarity’s, widening slightly - begging silently for her assistance.

’Why is she suddenly so anxious?’ Rarity thought. It pained her to see her usually upbeat and jovial mother reduced so. ‘Could it be that the reality of what she’s embarking on is finally dawning on her? Perhaps she’s worried she’s bitten off more than she could chew?’

It would not do. Rarity could not abandon her mother… would not.

“It’s j-just… I’m… a little nervous.” Cookie blushed, kicking the marble kitchen tile with her front hoof. “I’ve… never, well… your father was my first and…”

Rarity’s heart was breaking. Her poor mother, usually so composed, so happy, so… motherly... was now desperate, frightened, and lonely... and Rarity was the only pony who could help her. She reached out and touched her mother’s shoulder, before letting out a deep, tired sigh. “I-I… suppose…”

The human pumped his fist with far too much glee for Rarity’s liking. “Aww yeah! Threesome!”

Rarity didn’t even bother suppressing her choking, disgusted reactionary gag.

Author's Note

Are you liking the story? If yes... please:

HIT THE LIKE BUTTON!

But even more importantly: