What is Pinkie Pie?

by Amethyst_Dawn

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Moondancer, Horror, Random
Length: 2559

I want to know.

I want to know.

Published 2019-06-05 10:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-06-05 10:00:01 UTC

Twilight Won't tell me.

1/21

It's a sunny day today, perfect weather to go and read outside. I think I'll go visit Twilight for the weekend, I bet she'll be thrilled to see her old friend. Heck, I'll probably ask if I can work for her as a scribe or something. I know she has Spike, but that little guy can't serve her forever. Even if he wants to.

1/22

Arrived in Ponyville this morning, and stopped by the palace. Twilight was really happy to see me, and insisted I stay in one of the palace's spare rooms. I wanted to refuse, but then I saw exactly how many spare rooms there were. The place seems a lot smaller on the outside than it actually is. Tree magic, I guess. Some of the stuff that happens in this town demands research and explanation.
We had lunch at Rarity's home. She's a nice mare, very sociable. From her entries in the Journal, I was expecting her to be far more diplomatic and insincere than she actually was. A pleasant surprise, to say the least.
I'm in a room adjacent to Twilight's apprentice's. Poor girl talks to herself in her sleep it seems. Bad dreams I'd guess. I might know some home remedies for that, might approach her tomorrow.

1/23

Asked Twilight about the position as scribe. She wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea, but she promised we'd talk about it tomorrow since she'll be out of town on a friendship quest until then. Also showed me where the library is. She knows me so well.
I've picked up a book on the magics of the three races, the larger volume on Earth Ponies. Observations of Ley, I believe was the title. Straightforward title, I like that. Don't think I've read this volume before. Might be interesting to see if I can find an explanation for Pinkie Pie's feats.

1/24

Twilight confuses me sometimes. I was reading a small manuscript in her library when she stepped in and started panicking, acting like I'd stumbled across a book of dark magic or something. It was just some old observations she'd made about Pinkie Pie and her strange ability to predict the future. The Observations of Ley didn't contain any information relating to what that pony can do, and it covered a lot. I didn't even know Earth Ponies used magic to harvest crops. However, Pinkie Pie remains unexplained. Twilight told me not to question that mare, brushing my questions aside. I'll try to drop it, but I can't help but feel like there's a reason she's not letting me look into this.
Regardless, we resumed our discussion about my proposal for help with her duties. She's accepted, but she was clear that she won't need my help for some time, since the Princesses don't retire for a few months now. Still, she has decided to let me move in. Shouldn't take too long for me to accomplish, I don't have that many possessions that I'm really fond of to begin with. I've been meaning to sell a lot of the junk I've kept lying around.

1/26

Sold a large portion of my belongings, and my home. Surprised that didn't take longer to do, but I guess being the childhood friend of a Princess helps you sell stuff at a good price. I swear that crummy snow globe sold for ten times what I paid for it. Or was that the one Lyra gave me for my birthday? I don't know, but I'm glad to finally be rid of all that stuff. Moving to Ponyville as soon as possible! Only a couple satchels worth of personal effects and couple suitcases full of bits. Honestly I might give one of these away, or let somepony steal it. There's no way I'm using this much coin.
Oh! I think I'll leave it unmarked in the luggage compartment with some cryptic note inside promising treasure, that'll drive the pony who finds it nuts. Moondancer, you little stinker!

1/27

That pony scares me.
Arrived in Ponyville this morning, and left the second suitcase full of bits on the train as planned. Made sure to leave it unmarked and everything. Went about setting up in my new room, while Twilight continuously fussed over the fact that I sold most of what I owned to move in with her. No Twilight, I don't care if you know a moving business with good prices, I genuinely wanted to get rid of that stuff.
Anyways, as soon as I stepped out of my room I was greeted by a blur of pink and noise. That living sugar high somehow found, identified and returned my suitcase in about half an hour, and was informing me that I should be more careful with where I put my money. Took me five minutes to get her to shut up long enough for me to get a word in, and tell her that I actually meant to leave that there. Didn't seem to phase her at all, she just gave me a wink and disappeared with the suitcase. I swear I don't know how she's so fast, that thing slowed me to a crawl. I still have the other one though, that's more than enough to get me through the month. Don't know if I have to pay rent here. I'll try, but I'm guessing Twilight's going to be stubborn and tell me I don't have to.

1/28

I was right, Twilight wouldn't let me pay rent. I understand what she's doing, but I really don't need that much coin to live for a while.
Found Twilight's book in the library again, decided to sneak it out to see why it's so taboo. Finished the entire thing in ten minutes, it was very anticlimactic. Nothing weird or mysterious about it, just some notes talking about Pinkie Pie's weird abilities. Apparently she can predict the future randomly if it involves physical inconvenience, fit herself into practically anything from a bucket of sponges to a pony's hat, use the curls of her mane like most can use their tails, teleport whenever she's out sight, stretch like taffy and reconstruct herself from complete dismemberment.
While it isn't strange for a pony to have one or two of these abilities at lower levels, such as reattaching a severed horn after a few minutes or squeeze into tight spaces, the extents to which Pinkie can accomplish these seem to have no limits. Her ability to fit into small spaces especially seems more akin to a cephalopod than any type of vertabrate.
I am now determined to gather more data on this.

1/30

Hung out with Spike for the day. He's cute.

2/12

Life in Ponyville is a deal more hectic than I'd imagined. This place sees more than its fair share of monsters every other week, to the point where half of the "panicked screaming" I hear in the streets from another attack sounds more and more like the shrill squeals of ponies riding a rollercoaster. Seems to me that this place is used to encounters most ponies would find unusual. With that in mind, it's no wonder questioning Pinkie Pie's antics is rarely considered.
This week, a large minotaur-gorilla-crocodile creature decided that the local bridge was a great place to set up shop in the middle of the night. I know Trolls like this one usually have some sort of concealment magic to help them hide in small caverns, but I don't know how that thing fit under that puny little crossing. But wherever it went to hide, Twilight and her friends couldn't find it until it started wrecking the town in a panic. Even Fluttershy couldn't calm it down, it kept roaring in its weird language about a series of tunnels that should never connect, "the earth was wrong" and strange laments like that. Poor thing stayed in the sun for too long and went to rubble. Fluttershy is devastated.
I'll try and console her in the morning.

2/13

Fluttershy's feeling better. She's still hurt to have seen such a rare creature go mad and perish like that. Turns out a good half of the town took turns checking in on her to offer their company, and that Draconequus had to shoo a few away. Don't know why he let me in, I've never been particularly close to the poor mare.
I asked him if he had any idea about what drove the Troll mad, and he just gave me a look. I think he knows exactly what happened to that animal, but he's scared of it. But if he's not taking action against it, it's likely not a direct threat to anypony.

It's either that or something that can't be stopped. But I highly doubt that a creature with power over reality couldn't stop whatever he wanted to.

2/15

I noticed a pink puddle in the corner of my room today. Cleaned it up pretty fast, only took a couple paper towels. Somepony must've spilled their drink when they were in here, smelled like raspberry cream soda. Don't know who'd be drinking that stuff in my room, but nothing seems to be misplaced so I'll let it slide. Probably Spike or Starlight looking for some privacy.

2/16

Everypony was busy today, and I had nothing to do, so I decided to try and observe Pinkie. I'm pretty good at flying under ponies' radar, so I thought I'd go undiscovered. Turns out I was right, since Pinkie didn't seem to notice me at all. She did spot me a couple of times, but I waved at her like I wasn't expecting to see her. She bought it, that made the observations easier.
I witnessed her rubbery movements firsthoof as she reached a good few feet for a whisk while keeping an eye on her batter. What a remarkable pony she is.

2/19

After watching Pinkie bake yesterday, and seeing her frolic in the field like a deer for no reason other than to have fun (an activity which I joined in on), I came home to find another one of those puddles in the same spot on the floor of my room. Now that I think about it, I think I saw the same liquid on the floor of Sugarcube Corner. I thought it was a stain, but it was just a subtle enough color difference that I almost didn't notice it at all.
I decided to dip my hoof in it. I don't know why, I just felt like I needed to. Suddenly I felt like a brick of solid dopamine hit me in the head. It was like I'd recalled a bunch of happy memories that I never knew happened, I just felt very happy. Once I came down, I realized that the liquid didn't stick to my hoof at all. Not even a droplet, it stayed exactly where it was, not even the shape of the puddle changed. It didn't ripple or anything. I've decided to leave it alone for later examination.

2/20

I've been noticing these puddles all over Ponyville lately. In the park, in the stores, in fruit bins, in ponies' hats, in the trunks of trees, anywhere you could think. There were never less than five of them within eyesight at a time. I don't know how I never noticed these before, they're everywhere! When I asked Twilight about them, she looked at me like I was crazy. I guess she's too used to them. I wonder if I was as well? I'll go visit Canterlot again tomorrow to see if I spot any there.

2/21

There are no puddles in Canterlot. This is curious.

2/22

I know what the puddles are for. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and caught Pinkie materializing out of one. She wasn't rising out of it like she was on an elevator, that would've calmed me down. No, she was constructed by it. First her bones formed like they were being poured into a mold, than her flesh flew up like she melted in reverse. She's not a pony, that stuff she's made out of looked like living taffy. It bubbled and curled around the bones, slithering and striking like a viper until she was completely formed. I swear her mane was made out of the same goop.
The whole scene didn't even take a second, but every detail is burned into my memory. I'm approaching Twilight with this first thing in the morning, she was too busy tonight.

2/25

How long is Twilight going to be in that study? I'm starting to feel unsafe in this town. Either Pinkie Pie has been following me, or I'm noticing her a lot more. But I'm certain I keep catching her staring at me out of the corner of her eyes.

2/27

Pinkie Pie isn't a pony.
I don't know what she is, but she's not a pony. She can't be. She's everywhere. I look away and she's still in my eyes. Her face is right there, as if the world moved but she stayed locked in my vision. Even as I'm writing this, I feel her eyes on me.

No, not hers. ITS.

2/28

She's everywhere I look. There's more than one, I know it. I put my hoof in the puddle again, this time I let it sit. I want to feel happy. I want to feel safe. But I fell in. There were tunnels, tunnels every which way. Tunnels made out of that same pink fluid, pulsing like a beating heart. They lead deeper, I can't climb out.

Deeper I go.

2/??

I don't know how long I've been wandering in these tunnels. I thought I climbed out of one into Ponyville, but it couldn't have been Ponyville. It was like if Ponyville was a created from a perverion of sanity and health. The ponies looked more like squids, and were coated with the pink slime. The buildings had scales like a shark's, and the windows were massive eyes. Twilight came to me, but she wasn't Twilight. Twilight was some winged nautilus. I screamed and ran, the squid-ponies stared but I didn't give a crud. I have to get out of these tunnels. I hope I scared them.

2/??

I can't sleep. I don't know if this is the same day or a week later. Twilight wouldn't stop chasing me. I had to do it. She'll be okay, but she won't come after me anymore.

2/???

I went deeper into the tunnels, they seem to go on forever. I haven't eaten in miles. I feel dizzy. I just want to lay down and let the shifting tunnels carry me home.

2/12

Life in Ponyville is hell.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I know her name. She came to me, she spoke in my head. Her voice like pure angelic helium. She is ṫ̶̨͉͖͍͔̬͓̆͐̓͛́̀̄͘͠k̵̢̝̜̩̠̞̦̣͓̲̺̗̂̈́̔̏̈́̃̍̚͠M̶̖̫̼̳̋͗̊̎͌͜I̶̡̼̝̜̜̗͈̩̱̘͗̄̊̑͑͑͂̄̈̀͋͝Ĭ̷̡̟͈̏̾̋͊̒̈͑͝͠w̶̻͙̐͐̏͌͗̆͗̆̐̑͝z̸̫̣̮̝̋̉͋͛́͗̊͑͆̀͊̓͠A̵̡̖̯̺͍͓̲͍̺͆̋̑ͅv̶̨̢̤̠͔͚̪͎̽͛̂̒͋̓̄͋̚. And she wants me.

She knows my name.

I am M̷̭͐̾̎͗ơ̷͙̬̦̹̓̒̓o̶̻̪͔̬͛n̸̬͈̞̈́͗d̴̜̉̑a̷͚̿̄̓͜n̸͓̈́̋c̷͎͕̽̆̐͝ȩ̴̳̙̉̇ŗ̴̌̒̔͠.

Author's Note

Just a random thing that popped into my head, Please feel free to leave any comments or criticisms below, I'd love to read them.