Chapters If Discord had an assistant
Author's Note
Before I get started with this one, I just wanted to give a shout out to this alternate take on the concept by fellow author CrazedLaughter. The basic idea was that my version of Kevin wasn't as aggressive as he should have been, and so CL decided to do a version of his own. And truth be told, I do think that story gets the character better than I did, so definitely check that one out
If Discord had an assistant
There was no question that the creature casually floating above the outer edge of the Canterlot garden maze was about as bizarre and difficult to understand as any pony could ever think of. He basically looked like what you'd get if a child was asked to draw a monster, and then they just cobbled together a bunch of different animal parts into one and called it a day. But Discord was unconcerned with such things, as he was currently more engaged in watching his quarry down below. Twilight and her friends, all scurrying through the maze like rats in a trap. It brought him immense delight to see ponies once more being tormented by his awesome powers of chaos, and as he looked from one mare to another, he couldn't help but chuckle at the whole thing.
"Muahahahaha! Oh yes! Now this is the good life!"
Sadly, his time enjoying this moment was brought to a screeching halt, as was his solitude, when all of a sudden, he turned to the left to suddenly see a hand coming straight towards him. Now, most wouldn't expect the Lord of Chaos to just get casually slapped around, and yet here was just such a slap, right to his face, resulting in the expected level of cheek-rubbing you'd expect.
"OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" he exclaimed.
The slapper, Kevin, looked to his boss and fumed.
"Discord, sorry to interrupt your...whatever it is you're doing, but don't you think you maybe have more important things to do right now?"
Discord, having swiftly recovered from the unexpected blow to his face, regained his smirk as he regarded his assistant.
"Kevin, my dear boy, I've been imprisoned for a millennia! Surely you can't expect me to just get down to business without a little fun?"
Kevin rubbed the bridge of his nose with an exasperated sigh.
"Ugh! Sir, with all due respect, you have the power to do anything! You are quite literally a God in this scenario, yet instead of just snapping your fingers and winning the day, you're just floating about watching everything play out!"
Discord rolled his eyes.
"I'll do my chaosing how I please, thank you very much! Besides, even if those mares make it safely to the centre of the maze, they won't find the Elements. I've got them neatly locked away in Twilight's home and..."
"Wait...you already have the Elements?" Kevin interrupted.
"Yyyyyyyyyyep!" Discord responded.
"The one thing in all the world that can turn you to stone again?"
"Yyyyyyyyyyep!"
"And you decided to hide it...in the home of the one person who can actually use them?"
"Yyyyyyyyyyyep!"
A silence, but it didn't last long, as Kevin allowed a vein to throb in his forehead for a moment before deciding to state the bleeding obvious.
"THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST DESTROY THEM?!?!"
Discord shrugged.
"As much as it pains me to say, I can't do that. The power of the Elements is stronger than me, hence why they alone could stop me."
Kevin calmed down, but only a little.
"Okay, fine, but why not snap and send them into space? Or into the centre of the Earth? Or, I dunno, anywhere the ponies can't get to them?!"
Discord chortled.
"Oh, I have plans. Twilight and her friends will be quite unable to use them, I assure you."
Kevin gestured to the ponies below.
"Even if that's true, you have more than enough opportunity to do away with them right now. It'd be easy! Just snap and turn them to stone! Problem solved!"
Discord folded his arms, looking away as though insulted by the proposition.
"Hmph! I don't turn ponies to stone!"
Kevin blinked.
"Am...am I seriously going to have to explain to you , of all people, why taking the moral high ground isn't a good idea?! You're the villain here! You doing the upstanding thing just doesn't make sense!"
Discord looked to him with mischievousness.
"Pfft! Where's the fun in making sense?"
To that, Kevin buried his face in his hands.
"Oh my God...that statement really does sum up everyone I've worked for in my life, doesn't it?"
Discord reached over, giving him a quick pat on the shoulder.
"Don't worry, we're gonna have a blast watching all this chaos play out. Maybe one day I'll turn the sun into a chicken! Won't that be fun?"
Kevin, lowering his hands, stared at him blankly.
"...Well, I guess that finally settles it. Lawful Evil really is better than Chaotic Evil."
Discord looked utterly incensed by that.
"How dare you, good Sir! I am Discord! And I will not be mocked by some lowlife human!"
He brought his face right up to Kevin's, looking like he very much had a sinister plot in mind.
"You want me to just snap and solve my problem? Alright then, I'll snap and get rid of the very thing annoying me right this second!"
"Yeah, one of my last employers already poofed me out of existence with a snap, so not really feeling the terror there," Kevin pre-emptively responded, his voice containing not even a hint of fear.
Discord, taken aback for perhaps the first time in his life, stepped away slightly.
"Huh...wow...you really have been around the block a few times."
Kevin shrugged, and Discord finally sighed.
"Ugh! Fine! If it'll give my assistant peace of mind, I guess I'll just go for the boring, straightforward option."
He glared at Kevin quickly.
"You really are no fun, has anyone ever told you that?"
Without further ado, the Draconequus raised his claw, then snapped his fingers. In a flash, all six of the mares below were gone, leaving only an empty hedge-maze. Kevin glanced around, seeing that they were indeed gone from view, before looking up again to his master.
"So...did you kill them?"
Discord stroked his beard, pondering that.
"Hmmm, more or less. I've sent them to places where they're unlikely to give me trouble after today."
A raised eyebrow from his assistant.
"Such as...?"
Discord shrugged again.
"Places you suggested, like space, the centre of the Earth, maybe stuck in a few glaciers here and there. You know, all separate and deadly. I doubt I'll ever see them again."
Kevin folded his arms, allowing himself a smirk for once.
"And now the only ponies capable of beating you are gone, yes?"
Discord paused, then realisation slowly came to him.
"Huh...I guess so. Wait...is this what it's like to take the easy option? Why didn't I do this sooner?! Why didn't I do this with Celestia and Luna?!"
He turned to Kevin.
"I never thought I'd ever say this to anyone, but thank you, Kevin."
The human gave a salute.
"No problem, Sir. Anything else I can do?"
Discord thought on that for a minute, then smiled devilishly.
"As a matter of fact..."
Another snap, and when the subsequent flash died down, Kevin was now dressed head-to-toe in a clown outfit, much to Discord's enormous amusement, judging by the way the latter was guffawing right now. Kevin, looking down to his new attire, released a resigned sigh.
"Yep...this is gonna be a long assisting job."
If Queen Chrysalis had an assistant
All was going according to plan. Twilight Sparkle was imprisoned in the caverns beneath Canterlot, right alongside the real Princess Cadance. Shining Armor was still under her control, the other ponies were still oblivious to her true identity, and her army was already undertaking steps to do away with that accursed shield. Soon, this great pony city would fall, and she, Queen Chrysalis, would stand triumphant over what remained of ponykind. Behind the guise of Cadance, the Changeling leader couldn't help but afford herself a quick cackle, and her eyes soon turned to the nearby dressing table, complete with oversized mirror. She smirked, trotting up to it and, in this moment of quiet victory, felt the undeniable need for a song.
"This day is going to be perfect. The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small..."
Sadly, she was denied the chance for an awesome villain musical number by the sudden "clicking" noise to her right, and so she snapped her head in that direction. There, looking more than a little exasperated, was her assistant, Kevin, who currently had his finger on the "stop" button" of the music system she'd set up here. The guy just stared at her for a bit, prompting an eye-roll on Chrysalis' part.
"Ugh! Yes, Kevin? What is it this time?"
Kevin shrugged.
"Oh, I dunno, how about the fact that you were about to just SING YOUR ENTIRE EVIL PLAN OUT IN THE OPEN WHERE ANY PONY CAN HEAR YOU?!?!"
Chrysalis gained a look of amusement, and began walking straight past him towards the door leading out into the hallway.
"Oh, you're worried about that? Here, let me show you."
Kevin watched as his employer opened the door to the chamber, poking her head out and glancing at the two members of the Royal Guard who'd been stationed there. She cleared her throat, gaining their attention before belting out a quick little rhyme.
"Roses are red, violets are blue..."
She pointed to one Guard.
"...I want to drain your love..."
She looked to the other.
"...and yours too ."
The two smiled at her.
"Nice little number, Princess. Very pleasant."
Chrysalis forced a smile, then retreated back in, closing the door behind her and looking appropriately smug right now.
"See?"
Kevin rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Okay! Fine! I'll accept that the ponies are just somehow oblivious to obvious evil singing around them."
He pointed to her in an accusing way.
"But I will not accept just blatant poor planning on your part!"
Chrysalis was outright offended by this.
"How dare you speak to a Queen like that! My plan is flawless! "
Kevin folded his arms and raised an eyebrow.
"Flawless, eh? Okay then, let's lay this one out. Your plan is to have your army break the shield defending the city, thus enabling them to rush in and conquer it, right?"
Chrysalis grinned wickedly.
"Indeed. And I cannot wait to see them tear this place to pieces when they do."
Kevin sighed.
"Except...you don't have to wait, do you? That shield is being kept up by only a single pony...and you control that pony."
Chrysalis glanced away.
"Well, yes, but I don't see how..."
Silence fell, and as Kevin's words sank in for her, her eyes widened. Realisation had struck, and she was understandably starting to feel a little embarrassed.
"Ooooooooooh...right. I can just make him drop the shield right here and now, can't I?"
Kevin nodded.
"Yep. Oh, and one more thing..."
Chrysalis sighed.
"Yes?"
Kevin paused for a moment, thinking how best to word this, then just came out and said it.
"When you drop the shields...don't have your army roll in for conquest."
Chrysalis' eyes widened with shock.
"Pardon me?!"
She stepped forward, bringing her now-angry face right up to his.
"Have you perchance forgotten that we're here to take over and steal the ponies' love, Kevin?!"
Kevin, utterly unfazed by her aggressiveness towards him, nodded.
"Oh, I haven't forgotten, but you certainly seem to have done."
Chrysalis blinked.
"...What?"
Kevin unleashed another sigh.
"Look, you and your Changelings need love, right?"
"Yes," Chrysalis answered, curious to see where he was going with this.
"And your plan is to just charge in with an invading army and take over?" Kevin continued.
"Yes, obviously," Chrysalis replied.
Kevin waited for her to put the pieces together, but when she didn't, he slapped his own forehead before explaining things.
"If you just invade, there won't be any love! There'll be fear, panic, probably a lot of anger too, but love? Nope, none of that. The one thing you came here for will be completely gone if you follow through with your plan!"
Chrysalis stared at him, not quite believing what she'd heard, and at first she tried dismissing the advice.
"Pfft! You're exaggerating! There'll be plenty of love here, because...because...um..."
Another silence, and as her situation truly sank in for her, a look of bewilderment arrived on her face.
"...Oh."
Kevin smiled smugly to her.
"Yeah, 'oh'. Your plan would have just left you with a city full of pony prisoners and nothing else."
Chrysalis, understandably embarrassed at having her supposedly well-thought-out plan torn to pieces like this, tapped her chin a few times, then looked over to her assistant.
"So...what should I do?"
Kevin shrugged.
"Simple. After getting your 'fiancé' to lower the shields, have your guys come in, a few at a time, in disguise. After a short while the entire army should be in here, and from there it'll be easy to kidnap and replace ponies and take the love of those who are left. You know, act like Changelings and all that?"
Hearing all that, Chrysalis nodded, then smiled evilly to him.
"Slow, but devious. I like the way you think."
Kevin, placing his hands upon his hips, took a moment of pride.
"Well, someone around here has to do the thinking."
Chrysalis frowned.
"Don't push it, human."
She walked away.
"It's decided then. I'll send word to my army to come in pony form, and no attacking."
Another nod from Kevin.
"Glad to hear it. Oh!"
He pointed to the ground.
"You should probably send a few down below to kill Twilight and the real Cadance."
Chrysalis whined at that.
"Awwwwwwwww! But I wanted to gloat about my victory! I had a big speech planned out and everything!"
Kevin shook his head.
"Gloating's all well and good, but there's too much to be risked by having that unicorn team up with an alicorn to try and stop you. You should probably get to it, by the way, they're probably on their way to stop you as we speak."
Twilight looked at Cadance, who was just sitting in that dark cave and staring at the ceiling.
"So...are we gonna try and escape, or...?" the unicorn enquired.
Cadance didn't budge, frowning as she continued looking upwards.
"I can't start my part of the duet until the other one starts it, and she's just not singing for some reason!"
Twilight slapped her own forehead, sighing deeply afterwards.
"Yep, this is definitely the worst day of my life!"
If King Sombra had an assistant
The shadow crept ominously around the borders of the Crystal Empire. True, the ponies within had managed to keep this darkness at bay, but that would not last forever. Sombra had returned from the Aether, and he had vowed to take what he believed to be rightfully his. The barrier keeping him from his prize would fall, the crystal ponies would be his slaves, and the interlopers who had dared to defy him would suffer terribly. Though he was at present without an actual throat, he still managed to get out a chuckle. He continued circling his prey, like a shark smelling blood, and he counted the moments, eagerly anticipating when he would see his chance and take it. But, his creepy solitude did not last, as he was distracted all of a sudden by a clearing of a throat, prompting the dark spirit to look downwards. There, looking up to him with irritation, was a comparatively diminutive human, the sight of which caused Sombra to sigh with exasperation.
"Yes, Kevin? Is there a problem?"
Kevin scratched the back of his head.
"Yeah, can't help but notice that you're sort of just floating about and not doing anything, Boss. Is there actually a plan at work here?"
Sombra grinned.
"Oh, indeed. I wait. I wait until their strength has failed them, then I charge in and take what is mine."
Hearing that Kevin groaned, then stretched out his hand and took a swipe at his employer. Sadly, for the first time in his life, Kevin's blow did not land, instead passing through harmlessly with the mostly-smoke form of his leader. Looking to his hand for a moment, Kevin frowned.
"Ugh! I hate it when I can't slap people!"
Sombra raised an eyebrow.
"And why, may I ask, were you attempting to strike the Lord of Darkness?"
Kevin shrugged.
"Tradition mostly. But right now it's because there's a million things you could be doing! You could, oh, I dunno, go someplace else and take over?!"
Sombra cackled.
"Oh, and why would I want to do that? "
Kevin gestured to the magical barrier beside them.
"In case you haven't noticed, you can't really do anything here. Everywhere else in Equestria though? It's completely open season for you right now. Their biggest defenders are all tucked away inside this force-field thingy, so you've got pretty much no competition right now!"
Sombra pondered that.
"Hmmm...true..."
Then his resolve returned.
"No! I shall stay and claim my prize! The Empire! The ponies who live there! The Crystal Heart! All of it!"
Kevin groaned.
"Ah, yes, the Crystal Heart. Wanted to talk to you about that actually. You do know that...um...IT'S SOMETHING THAT CAN COMPLETELY OBLITERATE YOU, RIGHT?!?!"
Sombra waved him off.
"It is my property, and besides, the ponies can't use it. I've hidden it behind an impossible trap. Even if they do get to it, they'll never escape!"
His assistant was unconvinced.
"Hate to break it to ya, your Majesty, but heroes tend to be able to get around stuff like that. Trust me, I know. A trap won't stop them, and then you're gonna have to deal with yet another magical superweapon. Oh, and speaking of which..."
He cleared his throat, taking a moment to stay quiet and really get his thoughts together. When he did, he brought his face right up to Sombra's.
"WHY DID YOU KEEP THE MAGICAL SUPERWEAPON INSTEAD OF DESTROYING IT, YOU IDIOT?!?!"
Sombra, naturally, was taken aback, but quickly recomposed himself.
"Well...I wanted it as a prize. A symbol of my victory!"
Kevin slapped his own forehead.
"See, it's this kind of thing that's brought so many baddies down around here! If you have the crystal of ultimate goodness, or whatever it's called, break it! No ifs, ands or buts about it!"
Sombra frowned.
"You talk to me about going headlong towards a tool of my own destruction, but your plan is just as dangerous! Need I remind you that the rest of Equestria has those accursed Elements? What's to stop them from being used on me?"
Kevin smirked, and again gestured to the city nearby.
"The only ponies capable of using it are right here in this shield. They don't have the Elements with them, so boom , they're completely unprotected right now!"
Sombra stared at him, mouth agape, as he considered that.
"They...they left their most powerful weapon in their fight against evil? Even knowing they might have to fight against me?! . They...they did know I was probably going to be involved in all this, right?"
Kevin gave a shrug.
"Yeah, I don't really know why they did it either. But hey, it's an opening. So go, attack someplace else already!"
Sombra grinned wickedly, turning to do exactly that. But then, he stopped, considering one more issue.
"Although...there is the matter of the two Princesses. Celestia and Luna vanquished me before, so they may have the chance to do so again."
He narrowed his eyes at the assistant.
"What is your oh-so-clever plan to deal with them , Kevin?"
But Kevin simply kept up his smirk.
"Oh, don't worry about that, Boss. They're more into sending other ponies to fight bad guys these days."
Sombra raised an eyebrow.
"Truly?"
Kevin nodded, looking left and right, as if worried about being overheard, before leaning closer to his employer and whispering.
"Personally, I think management decided to just nerf them in-between millennia."
Sombra blinked.
"...I have no idea what that word means, but I'll just go along with it."
His grin returned as he looked south, to the undefended Equestrian lands beyond.
"Now, at long last, I shall have a kingdom of my own! All will bow to me, and the shadow of Sombra shall make even the mightiest of warriors quake with fear!"
Kevin folded his arms, nodding politely.
"Yes, yes, all very good," he said with a tone that made it obvious that he wasn't really that interested.
Sombra cackled.
"And then, I shall begin my master plan! The ultimate world-conquering scheme..."
He turned again to Kevin, and whipped out what appeared to be a small pile of goo, which he proudly presented to him.
"I'll re-introduce Gak to the toy market ad make an absolute killing! "
To that, Kevin looked like he was utterly enraged, and so finally managed to get in his desired slap as he brazenly knocked the Gak out of Sombra's ghost-like hooves.
"NO!!! THAT WASN'T FUNNY BACK THEN AND IT'S NOT FUNNY NOW!!!"
Sombra, recoiling again, stood in silence for a time, then muttered under his breath.
"Geez...and I thought I was supposed to be the scary one."
If Trixie had an assistant
The magical barrier that lay over Ponyville was impenetrable, as those within had found to their dismay. Trixie, the bearer of the Alicorn Amulet, was in total control of the town, and with no Twilight Sparkle in sight to thwart her plans, she was on top of the world right now. Ponies obeyed her every whim, she was getting everything she wanted and she had power to back it all up. Yes, things were all coming up Trixie right now, and so a triumphant smirk was more than due for the mare at the moment, complete with evil laugh. Snips and Snails, who were currently carrying her around, stressed and strained under the constant effort of it, but luckily for the two of them, they were given a reprieve from their duties when, all of a sudden, they found someone blocking their path. Naturally, this unexpected stop irked Ponyville's latest dictator to no end.
"Who dares to halt the great and powerful Trix...oh, it's you."
Yes, it was indeed Kevin, who was impatiently tapping his foot against the ground as he looked to his current evil overlord.
"Sorry to interrupt your oh-so-important lounging, Trixie, but there's a couple of things we need to talk about."
Trixie rolled her eyes.
"Ugh! Are the peasants complaining about not being given breaks again?"
Kevin shook his head.
"No, I wanted to talk about Twilight's friends."
Trixie frowned at him.
"Do not mention that mare's name in Trixie's presence!"
Her assistant didn't budge.
"Sorry, but I'm gonna. Because from where I'm standing, not only have you allowed your 'mortal enemy' to leave this place alive , but you still have her friends to deal with!"
Trixie waved him off.
"Pfft! The others are no threat to Trixie. And as for Twilight? That fool cannot enter Ponyville again! My barrier made sure of that!"
Kevin pointed to the barrier in question.
"Sure, she may not be able to get back in, but she's still out there! And out there , she can probably do a great deal to stop you!"
Trixie looked to him like that was the most ridiculous thing anybody had ever said to her.
"Ha! You really are a funny one, Kevin. Trixie did well to hire you."
Then, she frowned.
"But you give Sparkle too much credit. A single unicorn, no matter how talented she is..."
She grimaced at the thought of having called Twilight "talented", then got back to it.
"...can do nothing out there!"
Folding his arms, Kevin raised an eyebrow.
"A single unicorn? Maybe not. But have you forgotten the teensy-weensy little detail that she, oh, I dunno..."
His eyes widened as he finally led into his expected bellowing.
"...IS THE PERSONAL STUDENT OF ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL PONIES IN THE WORLD?!?! OR THAT SHE'S THE LITTLE SISTER OF ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE?!?! OR THAT SHE HAS A BUNCH OF OTHER FRIENDS AND ALLIES SHE CAN CALL ON TO HELP HER FIGHT YOU?!?!"
Trixie blinked, opening her mouth to reply, only to be struck with the realisation that, sadly, her assistant had a point.
"Oh...yes...she can probably go and get help, can't she?"
Kevin slapped his forehead.
"Yeah, and a good deal of help too! I wouldn't be surprised if she has an entire army being recruited right now!"
Trixie pondered that, looking genuinely worried. But then her eyes flashed red briefly, and she looked down to the amulet still adorning her neck, and smirked.
"Ha! You worry too much, Kevin!"
Kevin glared at her angrily.
"No! I worry exactly the right amount!"
The unicorn ignored him as she continued.
"You forget that Trixie is, for the first time in her life, truly great and powerful! With the Alicorn Amulet, there is none who can stop her!"
The nearby human groaned.
"Uuuuuuuuugh! At most, that thing gives you the power of one alicorn, and need I remind you that Twilight has three alicorn friends she can call on out there! And don't forget the friends she has still here in Ponyville!"
Another frown from Trixie.
"Again with Twilight's friends? What can they do to Trixie?"
Kevin pointed straight to Ponyville.
"This place is basically an occupied territory right now, and I can guarantee you that some kind of resistance or plot is underway to get rid of you. You lounge there, lording over all the ponies, and you're completely ignoring the possibility that they'll be working against you!"
He looked back to her, utterly dismayed.
"I mean, what did you think would happen here?! That you'd march in, take over, exile one of its most beloved residents, and then they'd just accept it without trying something?"
Trixie paused for a moment.
"...Yes?"
Another flash of red, followed by a cackle.
"No matter their plans, I'll simply crush them! Just as I defeated Twilight, so too will I defeat her friends! And then their friends! And all the ponies who come after! No matter what they throw at Trixie, Trixie will win! Because Trixie is great! Trixie is powerful! Trixie...is Queen! Muahahahahahaha!"
Her assistant exhaled deeply.
"You're not even paying attention to me anymore, are you? You're just so puffed-up with evil magical whatever that I could just say anything right now and you'd ignore it."
Conjuring a hoof-file, Trixie began filing her hoof, speaking in a nonchalant way to him.
"Yes, yes, I'm sure whatever you just said was all very nice, human."
As any would in a scenario like this, Kevin just stared at his employer, then raised his hands and started rubbing his temples, a motion he'd probably done to himself many times before
"You know...they always say at the Agency...'don't work for the crazy ones'. Sure, the pay is good, and yeah you might get a laugh or two out of the absurdity of it all, but the ludicrousness of it all will just give you a headache."
He looked up to the sky.
"But did I listen? Nooooooooooo! I had to be the 'go-getter', the one who'd do what other assistants wouldn't! "
He slumped his shoulders and sighed.
"Trixie, if you're just gonna become more and more unhinged from all this dark magical corruption and stuff, I'd like to turn in my notice while I still can."
But Trixie was thoroughly uninterested by this point, and so simply looked away.
"Hmph! Fine! I'll send you out the same way I sent out those annoying critters earlier!"
Kevin blinked to that, turning to look over at the edge of the magical barrier, putting all the puzzle pieces together in his mind, before looking right back to Trixie.
"...Oh yeah, you're definitely not gonna last."
If Sunset Shimmer had an assistant
With the school bell having rung, many of the students of Canterlot High had taken to leaving their classrooms. They'd do the usual teen stuff at this point like getting together with their friends, talk about their plans for the weekend, all that good stuff. But among these youngsters there was one who was eyeing many of them. Sunset Shimmer, a girl that most had taken to giving a wide berth to. The undisputed Queen of the school, and she was sure to keep that title for herself. She watched and waited until all of her "fellow humans" were far enough away from her to see, then darted behind a corner. It was one of her favourite places, nice and dark, where she had the freedom to grin wickedly when nobody could see her. She rubbed her hands together, eagerly thinking of the plan now forming in her mind.
"Alright, everything's working out great. I've got those two dimwits getting everything ready for sabotaging Twilight's chances, and before long everyone in this school will hate her."
She chuckled.
"No chance in Tartarus will she be crowned at the Fall Formal. I will win, as always, and then, the crown will be mine!"
Her laugh was a bit louder this time, but not so loud that she couldn't hear the sound of somebody clearing their throat behind her. Immediately she spun around, half-terrified that she'd been discovered by some regular student. To her relief, as well as slight annoyance, she discovered that it was only Kevin, who looked to her with about as much irritation as she had right now.
"Oh, Kevin, it's just you."
Kevin folded his arms, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, it's me, your one capable assistant!"
Sunset smirked, shrugging her shoulders.
"Hey, Snips and Snails may not have much in the way of brains, but at least they do what I tell them."
Her eyes narrowed.
"Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to be helping them right now? I seem to recall telling you to go and give an assist in ruining Twilight's Fall Formal campaign."
Kevin still looked annoyed.
"Yeah, about that, I've actually been doing a lot of life-reflection right now, and I can't help but wonder about my situation at the moment."
He sighed wistfully, looking up to the ceiling.
"You know who I've worked for in my life? World-conquering tyrants. Evil overlords. People and monsters of great power and intimidation."
Slowly, he looked down to Sunset, looking, of all things, incredulous.
"And now, it seems my career has taken a bit of a nosedive, because now I'm working for an angry teenage girl who does what she does because of spite towards her teacher."
He rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"I'll be totally honest here, Sunset, you don't even strike me as that bad of a bad guy."
"Bad girl ," Sunset corrected.
Kevin shrugged.
"Whatever. Either way, you just seem more like...I dunno...someone who's just in a bad place right now?"
Sunset, putting her hands upon her hips, looked to her assistant with a look that made it clear that she was feeling insulted right now.
"I didn't hire you to stand there and talk about how bad a villain you think I am! I need you to help me in my plans!"
Kevin rolled his eyes.
"Oh yeah, your big plans to try and mess up a school dance so you can keep your little title."
In spite of the fact that she was having her plan directly insulted to her face, Sunset nevertheless gave her assistant a smirk.
"Oh, I assure you, once this plan succeeds I will have access to one of the most powerful magical artefacts in Equestria. You say you're unhappy serving a teenage girl? Well, wait until you get a load of me when I have power to back me up!"
Kevin, who was probably used to a lot of villain boasting in his career, looked to her with complete disinterest.
"Well, you've got the confidence at least. And hey, at least you're not losing your mind like my last employer."
He sighed.
"Alright, if you really wanna go ahead with this...here."
He reached behind himself and pulled out, to Sunset's utter shock, the crown. The Element of Magic, right there before her. She couldn't believe it, yet she was not so bewildered as to not snap herself out of it, and so immediately stretched out her hands and took the offered crown from Kevin. She stared at it, and her reflection in the shine of its crystal, before looking back to Kevin with confusion.
"But...how did you...?"
Kevin again looked to her with incredulity.
"What? You thought getting that thing would be difficult? It was locked away in the Principal's office, and that's it! All I had to do was wait for her to leave the room, then I just snuck in, broke the lock and took it."
This time, it was his turn to smirk.
"Surprised the 'straight-A student' didn't think of that, to be honest."
Sunset, in spite of her elation at having her desired prize, still afforded him a frown.
"Don't push your luck, Kevin. Especially now that I've got this ."
She sighed as she looked back to it.
"Still...it would have been nice to have won the Formal one last time before getting it."
As had happened so many times in his life, Kevin rolled his eyes.
"I'm sure your ego can take not winning it if it means you have a bigger win in your playbook now."
Sunset, considering that, gained a confident grin.
"You're right. I need to keep my eyes on the prize here."
She turned, stuffing the crown in her jacket before walking past him.
"I need to find Snips and Snails. Can't very well become Queen of Equestria without my faithful stooges after all."
Pausing, she considered her plans.
"Hmmm, maybe when I get back home, I'll smash the mirror and trap Twilight here behind me."
Kevin, even in the face of his earlier annoyance, allowed himself to laugh briefly.
"Trapping your enemies in a whole other world? Nice. I like it."
Sunset too laughed.
"Glad I could do something to meet your approval."
She took a few further steps away, then paused again, looking back to him.
"So...aren't you coming too?"
Kevin stared at the ceiling, then waved her off.
"You go ahead, I'll catch up. There's something I need to do first."
Sunset shrugged, heading off towards the direction of her two lackeys. Meanwhile, Kevin stared with growing irritation at the still-out light-bulb above him, watching as it occasionally flickered to life, adding to the ever-present creepiness of this one part of Canterlot High.
"Okay, that's it. I'm going to maintenance. That can't be up to code!"
If Lord Tirek had an assistant
Equestria had, in a very short span of time, been subjected to one of the greatest upsets in its long history. Tirek, former prisoner of the dreaded realm of Tartarus, had broken free and was running rampant across the land, stealing the magical life essence of all he came across. And if that weren't bad enough, he had enlisted the aid of Discord, Master of Chaos, to help him in his goal of taking all the power he could from the ponies. Now, his task was nearly complete. All in this land, even Discord himself, had fallen victim to his insatiable hunger for magic. Now there remained only one final task. The magic of the alicorn Princesses still eluded him, but he knew where it was, and who it was being kept by. Twilight Sparkle was his goal, and he'd even managed to capture her friends in his efforts. Doubtless they will serve him as a bargaining chip if things don't go well. He allowed himself a dark chuckle as he salivated over the thought of gaining all that wonderful power for himself. But, as was so often the case in moments like this, his train of thought was interrupted by a rather incredulous-looking fellow beside him, leading to a sigh on the Lord's part.
"Ugh...yes, Kevin?"
The human folded his arms as he looked up to Tirek.
"Yeah, er, could I just get a lift up, Boss?"
Tirek raised an eyebrow, but nevertheless gave his assistant some begrudging help, offering his hand for Kevin to step onto. When he brought the tiny helper to his face, Tirek snorted a little.
"Alright, now what's this all about?"
His answer was, apparently, a slap straight to his face. Unfortunately for Kevin, while this tactic had worked out fairly well for him in the past, here it was less so, as Tirek had already become so absurdly powerful that the slap actually ended up hurting Kevin's hand instead, which he started nursing while an obvious look of pain adorned his face.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!"
Tirek, despite having been just attacked by his own minion, smirked with amusement over the outcome.
"Feel better?"
Kevin, thoroughly annoyed by this point, just went and said what was on his mind.
"YOU BETRAYED DISCORD?!?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT A MONUMENTALLY STUPID IDEA THAT IS?!?!"
Tirek waved him off.
"Discord was a fool. He's grown soft in the head during his time among the ponies. He should have known it was a bad idea to help me."
Kevin, though his hand still throbbed, nodded.
"Yeah, sure, helping bad guys whose whole thing is stealing magic is probably not good when you're packed full of it yourself, granted. And yeah, it was kinda dumb for him to forget subsection D of rule twenty-seven of the villain playbook."
He raised a finger, reciting said rule.
"Villains always stab each other in the back, without fail."
But then his eyes narrowed.
"But you've kinda taken a pretty useful player off your side of the board. Sure, you have his magic, but you can't really use it like he could! All you can do is that big horn shooty lazer thing of yours! Do you have any idea how useful it would have been to have someone who can do literally anything helping you out in this coming fight?!"
Tirek snorted again.
"I may not have access to Discord's more quirky abilities, but I assure you, this power is still enough for me to face Princess Twilight."
He balled his hand into a fist, savouring the thought of the battle yet to come.
"I swear to you, this will be the greatest fight she will have ever known!"
Kevin nodded.
"Oh, I've no doubt it'll be awesome and epic. But you can still do plenty to tip the odds in your favour. You say you want Discord's power? Fine, I guess I can swallow that for now. But why fight her before you know for certain you have an overwhelming advantage?"
Tirek looked to him with annoyance.
"You think I haven't done enough already? Every pony in Equestria, down to the smallest foal, has had their essence stolen by me. The only power I haven't taken yet is that which Twilight now hoards for herself! There is literally nobody else for me to take from!"
Kevin folded his arms, gesturing to the first random direction he thought of.
"The ponies? Sure, but what about other creatures? You've taken from Discord, so clearly you're not limited. There are others who live in or around Equestria who have that kind of essence in them that you can take. Griffons, Dragons, Yaks. Why not go after some of them to make yourself stronger? Because hey, every little bit helps, right?"
Tirek paused here, pondering that notion as he stroked his beard.
"Hmmm...stealing magical essence from Dragons , you say?"
Kevin gave a proud nod.
"Yep. Because hey, if you're strong enough to face down a mare with the power of four alicorns in her, I'd say a dragon here and there should be easy pickings for you at this point."
Slowly, a hungry look came to Tirek, and he turned, looking out to the horizon, no doubt thinking of all the non-ponies he could steal from out there.
"You know, it is always good to broaden one's palate from time to time."
Kevin chuckled.
"That's the spirit! Who says you need to stick to ponies after all? There's plenty of non -ponies, and their essence, all around you if you know where to look."
Slowly, as Tirek began to increasingly accept this new notion, a wicked smirk crept onto his lips, and he cast a glance down to Kevin.
"...Is there now?"
Enough time had passed, she'd decided. Twilight had hidden for far too long. She'd studied, practiced, made plans and contingencies as best she could, but now, she knew she was ready. She would face Tirek, free her land from his terror, and restore all that had been taken from him. So, stepping out onto the field of battle, the youngest alicorn stood confidently, speaking out with the assurance that only true heroes could speak with.
"Tirek! Your reign of evil has come to an...an..."
But, rather than the Tirek she'd led herself to believe she was facing, instead there stood a version of him that was so large and imposing that even the tallest skyscrapers of Manehattan would have seemed puny by comparison. The towering centaur folded his arms, smiling as he looked down to the pony that continued to gawk at him.
"Well then, Princess Twilight...shall we begin our battle?"
Twilight blinked a couple of times, then glanced to the side, where she saw the currently-exhausted form of Kevin lying on the ground, eyes bearing the distinct mark of one who'd had their essence taken. After a brief moment of looking embarrassed, the human, surprisingly, chuckled.
"Yeah, yeah, I know...subsection D of rule twenty-seven. Don't remind me."
If the Dazzlings had an assistant
Canterlot High was theirs, and they new it. Together, Adagio, Aria and Sonata sat where they were, looking down on all the other students here. No matter what band or signer had chosen to participate in this Battle of the Bands that they now felt a need to be in, they were unknowingly under the spell of the Sirens. The three were the masters here, and nobody even knew it. Adagio chuckled to herself, relishing in the thought of once more being the puppet-master of all she surveyed. How long had it been since she had this kind of control? This kind of power? It delighted her, stirring fond memories of days long by when she and her kin were truly a force to be reckoned with. But, all good things came to an end, and she knew she had more important things to do than simply sit here and reminisce. There was a threat to her rule, and that threat just so happened to be the source of the very power she and the others now sought. All she needed to do was get to it, and already plans were forming in her mind on how to do that. It would take careful work, but she was certain that they were going to come out on top.
"So, what's the move?" Aria asked.
Adagio never let her eyes stray from the other students as she responded.
"Patience, my dear colleague. We'll watch and wait for now, and soon enough our enemies will give us an opening."
"You really think so?" Sonata enquired.
Another chuckle from Adagio.
"Oh, trust me, given enough time, the so-called 'good guys' always slip up in some way. They'll make an error, or give us some insight, and when they do, we'll seize it and put ourselves at the top of the food chain."
She rubbed her hands together, gleefully imagining what it would be like to get that treasured power back in their possession once more.
"We've waited a long time for a moment like this, so what's a short while longer?"
"Okay, I'm all in favour of waiting patiently and coming up with a decent plan, but there's other ways to do it, you know?"
Adagio's shoulders slumped, and she turned around, as indeed did Aria and Sonata, to look upon the one who had spoken. There he was, sitting one row above them, looking to them with his usual mix of tiredness and irritation.
"Kevin. Sweetheart. How delightful to see you again," Adagio remarked through gritted teeth.
Kevin himself simply rolled his eyes.
"Spare me the sarcasm, Adagio. You're talking to a master of it."
To that, Adagio actually looked amused.
"I assure you, the only master this place will have in the near future is me ."
Then, she saw her two cohorts give her some side-eye, after which she gave a begrudging sigh.
"Okay, me and these two, I guess."
The others seemed satisfied with that, at least for now, and Sonata especially seemed rather chipper as she too spoke to Kevin.
"Yep! You've got nothing to worry about, Kevin! Dagi always knows what she's doing!"
Kevin raised an eyebrow as he looked to her.
"Oh, I've no doubt she's got a fairly solid plan brewing. Heck, I'll even go so far as to say she's got her act together more than most I've worked with."
Adagio smirked to that.
"Oh, stop, you're too kind."
Kevin rolled his eyes to her words, then got back to business.
"But you know, there really is a quick and easy solution to this, if you're interested."
Aria looked to him with curiosity.
"Oh yeah? What?"
Kevin leaned forward then started counting off his fingers.
"This whole plan of yours is to get your hands on Equestrian magic right?"
"Yeah?" Aria replied.
"And as soon as you get it, you'll be all-powerful or whatever it is you were before, right?"
"Yeah?"
"And your whole plan revolves around trying to coax it out of that other girl-band, who you've sussed out has this magic themselves, right?"
"...What's your point?"
Kevin sighed again, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"My point ...is that you've overlooked one key detail in this whole scenario. And that's the fact that, if they have Equestrian magic, that means it must have been brought here somehow, right?"
Adagio blinked, scratching the side of her cheek briefly.
"I...suppose so?"
Kevin nodded.
"And if those girls have it, that means that either it came here of it's own accord and they took it up, or one or more of them has the means to get back to Equestria, right?"
The Dazzlings looked to each other, culminating in Sonata tilting her head slightly.
"Huh...I guess it does ."
Aria frowned.
"Wait...so you're telling me that there just some door to Equestria lying around here that we just never knew about?"
Kevin shrugged.
"Can you think of any other way those girls could have had access to this power?"
Silence fell, and the Sirens again looked to one another, after which Adagio Started to smirk again.
"So...if there is a door to Equestria..."
"Then we can just walk through it!" Aria continued.
"And then we can just get Equestrian magic like we used to!" Sonata finished.
Kevin folded his arms and gave a firm nod.
"Bingo! By Jove I think they've got it!"
Though slightly irritated at his attitude, Adagio kept her feelings in-check, instead raising a finger to him.
"There is one small issue here, Kevin old boy. There may be a portal to Equestria around here, but that doesn't mean we know how to get to it. How do you suggest we jump that little hurdle?"
Kevin stared at her for a time, then matched her smirk before starting to speak in a way that clearly sounded like he was just pretending to know less than he did.
"Oh, gee, you're right. How can we possibly solve that problem? I mean, it's not as if you're in the middle of a school who has a great deal of experience with those girls where there's someone who could possibly tell you about them. And hey, it's not as if you're in a position where you have strong magical influence over that school where you can just use your power to make them tell you everything you need to know. Alas, I simply do not know how to get us out of this bind."
Adagio gave him an utterly deadpan look.
"You know, sarcasm really doesn't suit you."
Kevin snorted.
"Pfft! As if you're seriously not expecting that from me at this point."
Grumbling, Adagio looked away from him, and instead turned to the other students in the gymnasium.
"Alright then, we're on an intel-gathering mission now, apparently. We just need to find someone who looks suitably stoogey."
Then, as if on cue, the doors of the gym opened to reveal two extra students, Snips and Snails, entering to join the rest of the kids, after which the Dazzlings gave them a simultaneous look of predatory delight.
"Well, well, well...target acquired."
If Starlight Glimmer had an assistant
A prideful smile crossed Starlight's face as she surveyed her village. True, this place was small, but it was hers. Her domain. And her mindset, her thinking, was what reigned over this place. The community she'd built here was loyal to her and what she preached. None challenged her, and on the off-chance that they would, well, there was always re-education and peer pressure to help her with such trifling matters. She chuckled as she glanced backwards, to her false cutie mark. It really was a wonder that a small coat of paint was all it took to fool so many, yet here was the proof. Her eyes then turned to the side, and she looked upon the cave where her village's cutie marks were stored. She was truly the power here, the only power, and that thought gave her immense delight. A sigh escaped her as she gently sat down upon the ground, content in seeing things play out down in the village below this hill. But then, as was so often the case for her these days, the sound of a clearing throat was heard behind her, and her smile vanished. Taking a deep breath, she turned around, raising an eyebrow to the one who now disturbed her solitude.
"What is it now, Kevin?"
The human shrugged.
"You mean besides the fact that most of the ponies I have to talk to around here are all really creepy doll-people who'll probably give me nightmares for the rest of my life?"
Starlight rolled her eyes.
"Yes, besides that."
Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Kevin got down to business.
"Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but things are pretty, how shall I say it, kinda boring compared to all the stuff I've been working with before."
Starlight's smile returned, but it was more of a condescending one, as was her tone when she spoke.
"You make it sound like a bad thing that the village is quiet right now."
Kevin gestured to that place.
"Boring I can deal with, but this is just really lacking in ambition on your part. I mean, what, you're just gonna sit here and wait for ponies to just wander in so you can add them to your little community?"
Starlight stared at him.
"...What's your point?"
It was Kevin's turn to sigh.
"I just...what's the end goal here? You rule one little village in the middle of nowhere with an iron hoof and then just settle for that? Where's the plans to reach out for other places? Or to spread your message? This slow and steady approach is pretty mind-numbing when you get right down to it."
Starlight giggled.
"As long as things are stable and nopony rocks the boat too much, I see no issue."
Kevin glanced to the side.
"Yeah, call me grateful that I never had any of those mark things. I kinda feel that life here would be pretty abysmal if I did."
Starlight frowned to that.
"Consider yourself lucky, human. I wouldn't have made you my confidant if that were the case."
Kevin looked to her with a smirk.
"You know, all it takes is one bit of rain for your whole plan to fall apart, right? You didn't even use waterproof paint for your fake mark!"
Starlight looked to the mark in question, but otherwise seemed unconcerned.
"You have any idea how hard it is to go and get waterproof paint when you live this far from civilization? Besides, you needn't worry. This place hasn't seen rain in many moons. I doubt it'll suddenly start now."
Kevin nodded.
"Sure. But you also need to maybe plan for what will happen if some pony with authority comes along. Something like this is gonna attract attention sooner or later, and you'll need to be ready for the opposition you'll get."
Starlight actually seemed amused by that.
"Oh, you silly little assistant you. If somepony does come along, we'll just, well...add them to our happy little family."
Kevin blinked.
"Yeah...that's not creepy at all," he remarked sarcastically.
He sighed again.
"Well, if nothing else, at least you're not doing anything catastrophically stupid like some other villains I could mention."
Here, Starlight paused, slowly glancing to her assistant.
"Pardon?"
Kevin looked back to her.
"What?"
Starlight frowned.
"Did you just call me a villain?"
Kevin had another bout of slow blinking.
"Er...yeah?"
Starlight, who was now quite indignant, pointed to him before speaking in an accusatory manner.
"I assure you, Kevin, I'm doing good work here! Freeing all these ponies from the tyranny of cutie marks and the false feeling of 'specialness' that came with them!"
Kevin glanced to the left and right, then focused again on Starlight.
"You're...you're kidding, right? You think you're a good guy?! Starlight, you've set up a cult here! You've got all the ponies forcing smiles, thinking the same way and even having uniform haircuts! Just what part of this scenario sounds like something a protagonist would do?!"
Starlight folded her forelegs, looking away and seeming quite insulted.
"Hmph! I should have expected an outsider wouldn't understand any of this! Here I am, doing this noble task, and you take one look and call it evil. Typical."
Kevin stared at her for the longest time, and then, realisation dawned for him. He slapped his own forehead, groaning with irritation before grumbling to himself.
"Oh no. This...this is one of those , isn't it?! I've got myself stuck with a baddie who thinks they're in the right! Argh! I'm gonna be stuck with all the rhetoric about being wronged in the past and how it's good to do things which are objectively terrible and...ugh!"
He rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"The agency always said it, didn't they? Always keep an eye out for the ones who think they're good. Always stick with the obviously evil!"
He looked to the village.
"Well how was I supposed to know there'd be someone out there who'd look at this and think it was good?!"
Starlight, who had been watching him rant for some time, kept her eyebrow nice and high.
"...Are you done?"
Kevin, who had just about had enough, slumped his shoulders and sighed again.
"Yes...yes I am."
He took a step forward.
"Miss Glimmer, I wish to resign. It was my own fault, but I've let myself get roped into just a really, really bad villain situation."
Starlight frowned again.
"I thought I told you I'm not a villain?!"
Kevin stared at her, dead-eyed.
"Yeah...and that's the problem."
Starlight, thought clearly still irritated, kept her anger in-check before turning away from him.
"Oh, very well. You may go. But I hope I don't need to tell you..."
Kevin nodded as he finally started to walk away.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. What happens in Starlight's village stays in Starlight's village."
He marched on, shaking his head for the longest time.
"You know...maybe getting involved with colourful ponies wasn't as good for my blood pressure as I thought."
Author's Note
And with that, I bring the story to a close. Not because I think I couldn't come up with future Kevin-villain scenes, but because Starlight's introduction marked a turning point in the show as far as my feelings towards the antagonists is concerned. From this point forward most of the new villains we got were ones that, quite frankly, I just didn't care about. And on the rare instances I did enjoy the villains (Midnight Sparkle and Gaia Everfree to be precise), their time in the story was so short that it wouldn't make much sense for them to suddenly get an assistant.
So, for that reason, I'm bringing it to and end, but I hope you've all enjoyed what I've done up until this point
If Nightmare Moon had an assistant
Everything was going according to plan for the returned alicorn of the night. She had escaped from her accursed prison in the moon, her sister had been removed from the picture, and the town of Ponyville had been made evidently aware of her presence. Word would spread, and soon all of Equestria would know that their rightful leader had taken her place. Gone were the days of Celestia, and even that bothersome students of hers was no concern for the ancient mare. A smirk crept onto Nightmare Moon's lips as she considered that latter point. Oh, she was sure this Twilight Sparkle would do her best to thwart her, as loyalty to Celestia was not something easily cast aside. But Nightmare did not feel even the tiniest bit of fear regarding her. After all, she was a mere youth. A unicorn, however talented, could not stand against one as powerful as her, and the mere notion of it caused a chuckle on her part. And it was right around here that she heard footsteps to her side as she stood at the edge of the Everfree Forest.
"Ah, Kevin."
She turned, casting a glance to the human beside her.
"It is Kevin, isn't it?"
The human let out a brief, but dry laugh in response.
"Er, yep, that's me, Ma'am."
Nightmare Moon again looked triumphantly to the forest's edge.
"This night is the start of a glorious reign, my friend. Soon, all of Equestria will bow to me."
Kevin nervously scratched the back of his head.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeah, wanted to talk to you about that. You know that one lavender unicorn that ran in here with a bunch of other mares?"
Nightmare looked to him with slight disdain.
"Please, do not refer to her as 'lavender unicorn', if you would. It is a rather predictable description."
Kevin shrugged.
"Hey, if it works, it works."
Nightmare rolled her eyes.
"What about her?"
Kevin pointed to the forest.
"See, I can't help but notice that you sort of...you know...just let her walk right in there for this big quest of hers. The quest that, I'd like to point out, you know is for the express purpose of beating you."
Nightmare waved him off.
"Oh, not to worry. I know she will try, but I have plans on how to deal with her."
Kevin chuckled, pretending to wipe sweat off his brow.
"Phew! For a moment there I was worried you were just gonna let her wander in there and find this ancient magical whatever that could totally defeat you!"
Nightmare joined in on the laughter.
"Ha! No, of course not! Instead, I shall torment her and these allies of hers as they attempt to do so!"
Here, the human paused, looking to his employer with some confusion as he twiddled his thumbs.
"Um...torment?"
Nightmare nodded.
"Indeed! First, I shall make the ground give way beneath their hooves! They shall face a fall most terrifying!"
Kevin blinked slowly.
"Er...not to put a damper on your plans, Boss, but two of those mares can fly! "
He paused.
"Also, if you can rend the earth like that, can't you just, I dunno, do something more? Maybe make a whole bunch of earthquakes? You know, really make sure the job's done?"
Nightmare seemed amused by the remark.
"Pah! Such a thing would be far too easy!"
"Er, yeah, it would be easy! That's why I'm saying you should do it!" Kevin pointed out.
But his master was undeterred.
"There is no need for such a thing, Kevin. When they see the fearsome dangers they are dealing with, they will turn tail and run!"
Kevin again scratched the back of his head.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, I've kinda dealt with their types before, and a bit of a tumble by a cliff-edge isn't really gonna do it. I mean, if there's people who are willing to casually jump over literal bottomless pits, I'm willing to bet something like that won't be a bother to them. You got anything else in case they move on anyway?"
Nightmare smirked.
"Naturally. I shall set upon them fierce beasts! I shall tempt them with offers to divide their group. I mayhaps shall even make the trees themselves appear terrifying! Hoho, truly this will be a foreboding journey for them!"
As before, Kevin just stared at her, then rubbed his temples.
"So...all the powers you have, and you're just gonna beat around the bush and make them a bit scared? Why not just...you know...shoot them with your magical horn lasers and stuff? Maybe teleport them somewhere fatal? Like a volcano?"
He looked to the forest.
"Hell, since these Element things are so dangerous to you, why not just send them away?! You already know where they are, right?"
Nightmare looked to him with, of all things, pity, giving him a pat on the shoulder.
"Oh, my dear, deluded assistant. I appreciate your concern, but there is no need. Nightmare Moon shall emerge triumphant this night, and all shall be as we desire!"
Kevin nodded.
"Uh-huh, sure...or you could just let them slip past you to recover the one thing in all the world that can stop you! Which is what's happening right now! I mean, they're not too far away from here by now, you can just scoot on in and...you know..."
He put a finger to his throat, mimicking the motion of a slitting, to which Nightmare simply looked to him oddly.
"Tsk! Such a simple matter. Where's the sport in that?"
Kevin facepalmed himself.
"There's a time for sport, and this ain't it! Just zap yourself over there and do that whole lightning thing! Remember the lightning? You did it with those guards a few minutes ago?"
Slowly, Nightmare frowned.
"I could strike you with such power, should you decide to keep questioning my decisions like this."
She looked him square in the eye.
"So...is there anything else you'd like to comment on, human?"
Kevin halted, considering that.
"Well...there's that whole matter about how eternal night would kill off all plant life, which would end up killing everything else , thus leaving you with nothing but a barren wasteland for a kingdom..."
He looked to her, seeing the utterly enraged way she was looking at him, prompting him to clear his throat.
"But...I'm guessing that's not really something you wanna talk about right now, so...how about I just get some coffee?"
Smirking, Nightmare nodded firmly.
"Good lad, I haven't had a good cup in aeons . Oh, and make sure it's all black."
As Kevin walked away, he muttered under his breath.
"Huh, an actual threat against me...that's a new one."
Author's Note
The character of Kevin the Assistant is the creation of the YouTube Channel Dorkly . If you haven't seen any of their videos with him, know that they're hilarious
