How to ship humans

by Lumos

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance
Length: 4642

When fate conspires against you taking advantage of an interdimensional anomaly you have no other choice than to look on the bright side of life. Marek didn't expect that he'll face a rollercoaster of emotions while being stranded on an alien world.

When fate conspires against you taking advantage of an interdimensional anomaly you have no other choice than to look on the bright side of life. Marek didn't expect that he'll face a rollercoaster of emotions while being stranded on an alien world. Neither did Klara. Life can be surprising like that.

An unrealistic take on the HiE genre.

Published 2019-06-15 19:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-12-15 19:20:07 UTC

An unexpected meeting

Marek slowly raised his eyelids, freeing himself from the shackles of sleep with success. For a second he was staring at the blue sky, until he finally realized that he was not in his bed but in a crown of a tree. His eyes went wide and his heart started to beat faster. He noticed with horror that he was quite far from the ground and that making sudden movements could end very badly. Don't panic. He franticallylooked around in search of a way down. If I somehow came up here, I ought to be able to come down. He finally saw a massive branch below, which with a bit of luck could bring him back to the ground. Bingo. He bent his knees preparing to jump down, when suddenly he heard someone taking behind his back.

“Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie. Are you new here? I know…”

“Ah!” Marek jumped away frightened losing his footing and fell off the branches, screaming his head off while falling to his doom. After less then a second he met the ground hitting something along the way, which cushioned his fall.

He started to get up on his feet slowly, not being able to believe in his luck. If it wasn't for a blue pegasus effigy, he would certainly end up with more than a few bruises. His thoughts were interrupted by groaning and angry murmurs coming from under him and shouts from behind. Marek immediately jumped away. He was staring at the blue pegasus with a rainbow mane, who started to stretch her legs with pain and a unicorn with wings who ran up to her. It could not be counted as a frequent sight.

“Rainbow, are you okay?” asked the purple alicorn, inspecting the winged companion from each side.

“I think so. I've had worse accidents than this.” Rainbow smiled and then grimaced in pain. “By the way, what exactly hit me?”

“The answer to your question is literally two steps away from you," Twilight said, directing her gaze to the left of her friend.

“Wait, what?”

In response, Twilight held out her hoof in the direction of the human standing nearby. When Rainbow saw what her friend pointed at, her eyes narrowed to slits, and it sent shivers up Marek’s spine. The rainbow pegasus began to approach him, glaring at him all the time. It was too much for him.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... I got scared of somebody talking behind me and accidentally fell off a tree. I didn't know I’d fall on a live, uh... horse?” Marek tried to defend himself.

“Hey, are you seriously adding insult to injury! You'll regret this!” Rainbow shouted.

“Rainbow, take it easy! He didn't mean anything offensive! Have you forgotten what Klara said?”

“I'm sorry. I must have drifted away with my thoughts when you started to talk about topics interesting only to eggheads.” Rainbow lowered her head shamefully.

Marek took a few deep breaths until his heart stopped beating at a mad pace. Panic is not going to help me now. It's time to look at things with a cold eye, he thought.

“Ahem.” Marek cleared his throat. “Since we have already explained this misunderstanding, could somebody finally explain to me where I am?”

“In Equestria,” replied the purple hybrid. “And before you ask, we are not horses but ponies. There are earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi. There is also a fourth, least numerous group, which includes alicorns, that is, ponies with horns and wings. Belonging to it is, of course, associated with certain privileges, one of which includes the right to the throne of Equestria...”

Marek bulged out his eyes and in the blink of an eye his head ended up close to the ground.

“You don't have to bow before me.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I know my status commands respect, but I still can't get used to being treated differently. Until recently, I was just a regular student.”

Marek stood up carefully, looking closely at his interlocutors.

“In all this confusion, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Marek, and I'm a human from planet Earth.” He held out his hand, shaking two hoofs one by one.

“Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.”

“Rainbow Dash, the fastest flyer in Equestria,”, exclaimed the pegasus and proudly puffed out her chest.

Then out of nowhere a pink pony appeared and shook his hand.

“Pinkie Pie, but you probably know that by now!”

Marek opened his mouth in total bewilderment, not understanding what had just happened.

“Try not to think about it. That’s how she is. Trying to understand her will only give you a headache," the alicorn said.

“Getting back to my problem, I have no idea how I got here," Marek said, scratching his head. "The last thing I remember is that I nodded off yesterday after watching some videos about fixing things. Do either of you know how I can get home?”

Twilight winced slightly, knowing she wouldn't be able to tell the good news.

“There's something you need to know. Let's go into my library first. I have a feeling you might want to sit down.”

All four of them headed for the tree that somebody had turned into a building. As he passed the threshold, Marek noticed that it was filled with a large number of books. For a moment it occurred to him that this was a major fire hazard, but he quickly focused back on his current problem. Once everyone was comfortable, Twilight took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to calm the nerves.

“You're not the first human to show up in Equestria. Three years earlier Klara found herself here...” she said timidly.

“Does that mean you know a way to send me back to where I came from?”

“Not exactly... Since then, a whole team of outstanding unicorns has been working on a solution. From what we were able to determine, two universes in a 24-dimensional space had come closer to each other and for a while formed an unstable connection between themselves. Klara found herself at the place of such contact by accident, when she was running to a lecture in psychology. We tried to create an artificial portal because we succeeded in creating it for universes similar to ours. We discovered, however, that the lack of a thaumaturgical field on the other side makes it impossible to open the passage using magic. Nor can we use technology to do this, because Equestria is quite backward in this respect and it would take decades, if not hundreds of years, before we would be able to do so...” Twilight lowered her head dejectedly.

Marek had the impression that he’s just got the weight of the world on his shoulders. As soon as the alicorn stopped talking, he stood up and, despite the loud requests to wait, and ran out of the library, in need of some alone time. In a matter of minutes he passed by the village houses and shops, briefly drawing the attention of passers-by, but he did not care too much about their looks, although he normally slightly lacked self-confidence. In the distance he saw a hill that was on the border of the town and decided that it would be a good place for contemplation.

After reaching the summit Marek sat there for a few minutes, facing the gloomy reality. He could not accept the fact that he could never see his family and friends again. He knew that the pain would decrease over time, but at the time the future didn't look so great. Although he tried hard not to reveal that, he suppressed the feeling of overwhelming emptiness.

***

As usual, Klara was running a few kilometers, wanting to maintain her good physical fitness. Even before she got to Equestria, she often jogged and did not avoid going to fitness classes. She just had more opportunities to stay healthy here. Her well-toned calves and thighs fit well with athletic shoulders and average bust, making her figure quite attractive. Her long chestnut hair provided an additional bit of charm. However, she often had to brush her bangs away from her tanned face as they regularly fell into her eyes.
Why do I keep forgetting my hair pins? she thought with annoyance.

At one point the woman saw a man sitting at her favorite spot. He was a brunette with an average appearance and a little overweight. He was in his twenties just like her. She didn't remember ever seeing him before. However, she quickly connected the dots, guessing that he could use some company right now.

Klara approached him, then sat down beside him and remained motionless for a few minutes, admiring the panorama of the town in front of them.

“Hi! I'm Klara. What's your name?” she finally said.

“Marek,” the man mumbled.

“I'll ask you straight out. Did Twilight tell you about the odds of returning to Earth?” Marek nodded his head in the affirmative.

“I know how you feel. The first time I heard that, I was devastated. For some time every day seemed the same to me. However, with the support of Twilight and her friends I slowly went back to normal life," she sighed and started staring off into the distance. "It wasn’t easy for me to come to terms with this terrible truth and I still get the longing sometimes, but I try not to remember the past anymore and focus on here and now. It gives me motivation to face this alien world every day and to emerge victorious from these skirmishes.” She looked into his blue eyes. “I believe you can do it, too. I want you to know that you're not alone. I will accompany you on this journey, if you will allow me.” Klara put her hand on his shoulder.

Marek sighed.

“Thanks,” he uttered, and an almost unnoticeable smile appeared on his face.

***

“Hey, Rarity, what are you doing behind that bush?” asked Applejack when she saw her friend watching the top of the hill.

“Uh... I admire the beauty of the landscape,” the white unicorn answered hastily.

Applejack frowned.

“I know you're not telling the truth. You can drop the act.”

“There's nothing I can hide from you,” the white mare muttered. “I was actually listening to Klara talking with a man named Marek. Looks like they're in a similar situation. Oh! She put her hand on his shoulder.” Rarity’s eyes lit up. “It would be a shame not take advantage of that. The only two people in the whole Equestria. Wouldn't it be really romantic if they fell for each other?” The unicorn began rubbing her hooves at the thought of a plan to bring the couple closer together.

Applejack just rolled her eyes.

Author's Note

As you probably have guessed, English is not my native language and literary English is my Achilles heel. Moreover, this is my first real story in English. I wrote it originally in my native language and then translated it all by myself. If you want me to continue writing more chapters, leave a like.

Moving is good for you

When Marek and Klara returned to the library after a short exchange of opinions, he had the opportunity to meet the rest of her friends. One of them, for some reason, was hiding behind the curls of her mane every now and then, the second couldn't take her eyes off his clothes, and the third was holding a hoof on his shoulder, claiming that she understood what he was feeling. All of them expressed sincere sympathy and assured him that they would help him through it, but it did not comfort him. Later, the most energetic of her friends made several attempts to lighten the mood, but they backfired, making the situation even more awkward.

“I guess you're wondering where you're going to live now," Twilight said. “You can stay with me until you find your own place.”

“Thanks a lot. I don't know what I'd have done if I had found myself out on the street.”

“You don't have to thank me. I would never forgive myself if I left you alone with this problem.”

“Can you show me where I'm gonna sleep? I'm not in the mood for chatting today, so I think I'll just retire for the evening.”

“Of course! Follow me.”

Twilight took Mark to the guest room. It wasn't very spacious, but it had to do. The man lay down on his bed, and then stared at the ceiling for a long time until he finally fell asleep.

***

Marek was sound asleep in the bed that Twilight lent him as he was woken up by the sound of a knocked frying pan and a loud announcement that breakfast is ready. Finally, he reluctantly come out from under the covers. Then he quickly did his morning routine and headed for the kitchen. He was greeted by subdued smiles and awkward silence, which reminded him what happened yesterday. However, loud stomach rumbling quickly shifted his focus, making it clear that certain things cannot be ignored. So he sat on the chair indicated to him, looked at his plate, and after a moment of hesitation he started to eat pancakes with enthusiasm. After all, they were his favorite dish, so it would be a shame if they went to waste.

After breakfast, Twilight informed Mark that Rarity had prepared a blue tracksuit for him and that he should put it on as Klara would be coming soon. Seeing that he had no other option, the man took her advice. After a while he heard a knock on the door. When Twilight opened it with magic, he was slightly surprised, but he quickly remembered yesterday's explanation of the purple alicorn. I'm gonna have to get used to a lot of things, he thought. Then Marek noticed Klara. She was wearing a red shirt and orange shorts.

“Hi! Why don't you take a break from your depressing thoughts for a moment? Nothing makes you feel better than jogging in the morning.” - Klara grinned.

“Hello! You don't have to convince me of that. Physical exercise induces the body to secrete endorphins, which cause euphoric states. You can even become addicted to it”

“Look at you. I didn't know you knew anything about neurobiology,” the woman said with admiration.

“There's a lot of things that you don't know about me. As far as running is concerned, I am not very eager to do it. I've read that too intense exercise is bad for health.”

Klara rolled her eyes.

“We're gonna trot. That shouldn't tire you out too much.”

“All right,” answered Marek. Then he went out the door and started running slowly together with Klara.

***

“Psst. Are they gone yet?” - Somebody's voice came from behind the tree.

“Yes,” Twilight answered, taking her telescope, “I'm having second thoughts about your plan.”

“Trust me. I've read so many romance novels that I'm an expert in this field.”

Both ponies approached a balloon hidden by an invisibility spell, and then got into the basket, disappearing completely from view.

***

Marek was trotting along the dirt road, still not believing what he has just gotten himself into. He could not deny, however, that Klara's company was a ray of sunshine dispersing the fog of his grim everyday life.

“Oh, man.” The woman hit her forehead with her hand. “I just realized that we hardly know anything about each other. It's about time we finally change that. Maybe I'll start. I was born in Germany, and for the last several years I had been living there. I worked at the psychology department of Hamburg University, specializing in self-confidence therapies.

Marek thought that fate must have a sense of humor, because that's what he lacked.

“It's an interesting coincidence. I have always wanted to study psychology, but due to the unattractive career prospects I was forced to choose a different major. In order to avoid the tedious cramming, I started to read books about memory techniques. In time, I got engrossed in research papers from all fields related in some way to memory, and I even wrote a few articles on their basis... I'd better stop talking, because I'm about to start prattling about different theories, and I don't want to bore you.”

“You don't have to worry about that. I'd love to hear what's changed in science since my move. I think we'll find a lot to talk about.” Klara smiled warmly. “Do you have any other surprising interests? I like to draw anime characters that I watch and read fantasy books. Maybe that's why I got used to living here so quickly.

“Well, I have a talent for accidentally finding weaknesses in things. Normally it can be annoying, but it makes it easier for me to discover gaps in various studies. Ich spreche zwei Fremdsprachen. Aber mein Deutsch ist nicht so gut. Z kolei moim językiem ojczystym jest polski.”

Klara suddenly stopped, shocked by what she had just heard.

“You speak German?” Ich dachte, dass ich die einzige Person hier bin, die es spricht. Mówisz też po polsku?! Moja babcia była Polką i trochę się go od niej nauczyłam. Ale nadal robię dużo błąd.”

“I think we'll get along just fine. Do you like making pranks?” Marek smirked.

***

Rarity and Twilight listened with undisguised curiosity to what the couple was talking about using a spell cast on Marek's clothes.

“What! Marek is a scientist by avocation?!” Twilight started prancing and couldn't stop her excitement. “All this unknown neurobiological knowledge is literally at hoof. I must pick his brain at the earliest opportunity.

“Oh, they have common interests. This bodes well for the future... Twilight, what are they saying now? I don't understand anything," the white unicorn said, looking through the telescope.

“Wow! That sounds like Germane and East Ponish. I had no idea they knew them. I am now beginning to regret that I have chosen Old Ponish and Prench as my extracurricular activities. Hmm... I think he said that-”

Suddenly, something hit the balloon with great force, almost overturning the basket and forcing Twilight to make an emergency landing and turn off the invisibility. Soon both ponies spotted the source of their problem on the ground.

“Ouch. What did I just hit? There was nothing there.”

“Rainbow? What are you doing here?”

“I was watching Marek and Klara unnoticed, but when I turned back I suddenly came across an invisible wall... Wait a minute.” The pegasus run her eyes over his friends and the basket. “I hit your balloon. I hope you have a good excuse for creating a threat to air traffic.”

“Horned ponies exchanged embarrassed looks and started explaining nervously their behavior”

***

“Did you hear that? It sounded like a hit," Marek said.”

“Pinkie is probably testing her cannon again.”

“If you say so. Continuing with the subject, do you think people with aphantasia can use the memory palace?”

“I'm guessing that's a trick question, so I'm gonna say yes.”

“Good answer. They just have to-” Mark's words drowned out in the noise generated by salesponies calling for their goods to be purchased.

Author's Note

This story idea turned out to be more than I can handle. Feel free to make your own version.

Date

"Psst, why are we whispering", a very pink pony said to a pony wearing an exquisite velvet scarf, black cashmere cardigan and round stylish sunglasses.

"We don't want to get caught spying on this lovely future human couple, my dear. Did you already forget it? Wait... Pinkie!? How did you get here all of a sudden?" Rarity puffed her cheeks.

"It looked fun so I though I'd join you and try doing whatever you were doing!"

"Shh. Not so loud. They'll hear us. I know that you can't be like Fluttershy but try your best to stay silent. We don't want to have our cover blown right away."

"I had a lot of experience...", the yellow pegasus whispered almost inaudibly, then quickly covered her face with her bangs and sunk deeper into her chair when a waiter walked by her.

"Okie Dokie Loki. I'm good at spy games." Pinkie took out a black eyepatch and put it on her left eye. "I’m a shadow, that no light will shine on. Let's get cracking on this love business," she said in a deep voice.

Rarity just rolled her eyes at the antics of her friend and got back to watching the oblivious pair at the other end of the restaurant.

"Oh, it seems that Marek grew up in a village. I know that Klara likes to enjoy her time in nature so that'd mean that they have even more in common," Rarity mused aloud. "What! He once tripped and fell into a ditch with dirty water! That's awful. His clothes must have been ruined!"

Pinkie and Fluttershy looked at Rarity and shook their heads at her priorities.

"He used to have three cats. I wonder if he'd be interested in adopting Panty the panther...," the pegasus interjected .

"I'm sure that he will gladly discuss that with you later but keep in mind that he might prefer a less scary pet. We don't want ponies to start avoiding his house...," whispered the unicorn.

"Did they ever mention parties, favourite cakes, games, ... Mhmm?!"

Rarity covered Pinkies mouth with her hoof because she was getting too loud but quickly withdrawn it with disgust. Then she meticiulously wiped it from saliva with a handkerchief.

"We should stick to listening. Otherwise we might miss some important information."

The observing ponies saw Marek getting quite upset after Klara mentioned the topic of family. She tried to comfort him with warm words, but his face has shown a mix of conflicting emotions. Eventually she took his hand in hers, which caused him to freeze and blush.

"Oh, it got to the good part," Rarity said dreamily.

The other two only sighed with resignation.

"Hey, what are they talking about. It sounds like gibberish!", Pinkie exclaimed in a lowered voice.

"It seems they finally noticed that we're been eavesdropping and they started talking in a foreign language that we don't know. It's a pity. I really wanted to witness more of this budding romance."

"You'll get your chance again, Rarity. Now that the cat's out of the bag (no offence Mr Cat!), we should let these two lovebirds enjoy each other's company in peace. Oh, and I should really start preparing their 'Congratulations on Your First Date' party!"

Fluttershy and Rarity only smiled. Then the tree of them said goodbye to their human friends and swiftly left the restaurant.

Author's Note

This was supposed to be the third chapter from the very beginning. I wanted to write a date-like scene in a restaurant but I couldn't figure out how to write a good sounding dialogue with the two main protagonists. I don't really have any experience in writing something like this. Everything that I came up with was either boring or sounded artificial. I decided then that I would just skip this chapter with the intention to come back to it later. Then a few years passed and I still did not write it. I started accepting that I'd never do it, but then I had a eureka moment. What if I changed the point of view to someone else's? Then I wouldn't have to write a lot of lines! Profit!

This marks the end of my struggle with this story. I fixed a few minor things with the remaining chapters and consider this story to be finally complete. It might not be perfect but it's good enough and that's all that matters.

Finding love

It’s been almost a month since Marek arrived in Equestria. At the time, both humans were sitting in front of each other on meadow near Ponyville.

“Can you remind me why we are doing this?” the woman asked.

“I can’t tell you more than you already know because it will skew the results of this experiment.”

“Fiiine. Let’s get this over with.”

Their eyes met starting a long session of staring into each other’s eyes. Not long after that their faces became slightly redder and their heartbeats quickened.

When the pair was reaching four minutes, they were so focused on keeping eye contact that they didn’t hear the warning. Derpy had an air mishap with another pegasus, and she was at that moment on a collision course with Marek’s back. One moment Klara was sitting close to Marek, the next she was lying on her back while their lips were connected. For a second they stayed in this position while their minds were full of confusion and conflicting emotions. Then the man moved away slowly, releasing Klara’s body. They looked at each other not knowing what to say and blushing furiously. Had they been paying attention they would hear an excited cry of 'Yes' coming from behind a nearby tree at that very moment.

“I am very sorry for this accident. I didn’t look where I was flying and ended up colliding with you.” Derpy explained apologetically standing beside Marek.

“It’s fine,” they said in unison not taking their eyes off of each other.

Klara licked her lips and started to close the distance separating her from the man. He didn’t have time to react because she quickly pounced on him and began kissing him passionately. After a moment of hesitation, Marek eagerly returned her kiss. A minute later they separated grinning goofily. Derpy was only staring at them wide-eyed blushing like mad.

“Oh, my,” Fluttershy exclaimed silently after she stumbled upon this scene by accident.

No one noticed Pinkie running out of a bush towards the town while murmuring something about a new party.

Author's Note

This is how it was supposed to end originally.

Epilogue

Klara and Marek were slowly walking towards the school chatting about their recent mischief.

“Oh, man, Rainbow’s face was priceless. Thinking about it still makes me laugh. Who knew that recreating the Asch conformity experiments could be so funny?” The woman wiped away her tears.

“Yeah, she was gaping like a fish not comprehending why everyone said that the incorrect answer was correct. I almost burst out laughing when she frantically started looking at the blackboard from different angles.”

“You do realize that she’ll get payback on us?”

“Yes, but it was totally worth it. I really needed to unwind after all this work as a royal researcher.”

“I couldn't agree more. The last therapy sessions left me mentally drained.”

As soon as the duo reached the schoolyard, they heard the bell and saw a lot of foals going out of the building. Their two blond children, Aquila and Sophia, ages six and seven, ran up to them.

“Hi, Mom! Hi Dad!” the girl shouted.

“Hi, sweetie. How was your day?” Klara asked with sincere curiosity.

“It was fine. We learned about wing aerodynamics today.”

The woman grinned mischievously. “That reminds me. When will you introduce us to your pegasus boyfriend?”

“Mooom! He’s just a friend!” Sophia blushed with embarrassment.

Her words resulted in a few laughs from the remaining family members.

“Don’t think that we forgot about you, young man.” Marek smirked. “Do you have your eye on someone in your class?”

“No, girls are icky! Aquila uttered with conviction.

Their parents exchanged knowing looks. “I am pretty sure that you’ll change your mind in the next few years,” Klara commented mirthfully.

After this quick exchange, all of them headed back home. The future couldn't look brighter.

THE END

Author's Note

I hope you enjoyed this little story.