It's Just Magic!

by Lets Do This

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1804

The Crusaders are asking The Question... and they keep getting the same annoying answer. So in desperation, they go to the expert on the subject... Twilight Sparkle!

The Crusaders are asking The Question... and they keep getting the same annoying answer. So in desperation, they go to the expert on the subject... Twilight Sparkle!

A legitimately E-rated story about the birds and the bees... because for ponies, there's nothing to be embarrassed about really. Well... almost nothing...

Published 2019-07-26 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-26 21:00:01 UTC

It's Just Magic!

There comes a time in every filly's life when she asks The Question:

"Where do little foals come from?"

And immediately feels like she's being given the runaround.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were feeling it in triplicate. They kept asking, and kept getting in reply the same calm, simple, unflustered answer. And they were getting royally tired of it.

"But where do they come from?" Sweetie Belle demanded.

"I've already told you, dearest," Rarity said, completely unruffled as she fed another bolt of cloth through her sewing machine. "It's just magic."

"But that's no answer!" The unicorn filly scowled. "If you don't really know, you should just say so!"

"I don't know all the specifics," Rarity allowed. "But no one does, really. It just works, and you get a little bundle of joy out of it -- sometimes more than one, like with the Cakes -- so what's to worry?"

"But..."

"Now run along, Sweetie! I've got ten gown orders to fill by tonight!"

"Aw, c'mon, sis!" Apple Bloom shouted. "Why cain't you tell me? I'm your own sister!"

"Now look, sugarcube, I already told ya..." Applejack flung another bale of hay on the pile stacked up in the barn. "And on top of bein' your big sister, I'm the element of Honesty too, so you can believe what I say. It's just magic, and that's all there is to it. Don't see why it's such a fuss, really."

"But that don't tell me nothin'! What's the big secret? You think I'm too young to know?" The yellow filly stamped a forehoof. "Well, I'm not! I'm a big girl, and... and... a Crusader... and I'm old enough to handle the truth!"

"Never said you wasn't, hon. Now look, every little filly or colt goes through this. There's just some things you got to accept about what we are as ponies, and this is one of 'em. 'Tain't no mystery, it just is, and that's the way of it."

"But..."

"You see them orchards out there?" Applejack said, pointing with a forehoof. "They ain't gonna buck themselves. I got work ta do, hon, and I cain't stand here jawin' with ya all day. I told ya what's what, and you've just got to make your peace with it. Now go on, get along with ya!"

"Grrr...!"

Scootaloo stared at Rainbow Dash in astonishment.

The cyan pegasus was wearing her "cool" shades and lounging comfortably on a fog-cloud parked six inches off the ground. "Yep! That's the whole sordid truth of it, Squirt!" Rainbow said. She extended a forehoof and examined it, with an air of smug knowledgability.

Scootaloo made a face. "No offense, Rainbow... but that's just complete malarkey!"

"What?" Rainbow lifted her glasses in surprise.

"It's the same answer we've been getting from everypony else!" The tan pegasus filly crossed her forehooves in annoyance.

"Yeah, well, that's how it is. It's just..."

"... magic! Yeah, I know! So everypony says. But what does that mean?"

"Hmmm..." Rainbow looked thoughtful. "I could tell ya, but... given I don't really know item one about how it works myself, I'd just be making a bunch of stuff up. You know what you should do? You should go talk to the expert on the subject."

"Really? Who's that?" Scootaloo asked eagerly.

"Twilight Sparkle."

Scootaloo stared, in utter disbelief. "You're kidding me. Twilight? The librarian?"

"Absolutely!" Rainbow nodded. "No pony knows more about it than she does!"

"Uh... huh..."

"Hi, girls!" Twilight said, on opening the door of the Golden Oak Library and finding Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo standing on the doorstep with uncomfortable looks on their faces. "What can I do for you? Are you looking for more things to try in order to get your cutie marks?"

"Hey," Scootaloo whispered, "what if we got our cutie marks in..."

Apple Bloom hoofed her quickly. "Not now, Scoot!" Then she looked up at the librarian. "Um, Twilight? We just wanted to ask... where do little foals come from?"

"Oh, that!" Twilight smiled. "It's just magic!"

The Crusaders groaned in three-part harmony.

"Aw, come on, Twilight!" Apple Bloom went on. "That's what we keep gettin' told! And it ain't tellin' us nothin'!"

"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle groused. "We feel like we're being treated like little fillies who can't handle the truth! And we're fed up with it!"

Scootaloo tried a more reasonable approach. "Rainbow said you might be able to tell us more," she suggested. "She said you knew all about it."

"Oh, well! As much as any pony does, I suppose. C'mon in."

The three fillies trotted after her into the main room of the Library, and waited while the lavender unicorn rummaged around in the work shelves located behind her desk. "Aha! Here we are!" She held up an ancient spell-tome in the magenta gleam of her magic. With a quick snap of power from her horn, she flipped the book open and paged through it. "See? The spell's right here."

The Crusaders craned their necks to look:

"Ad... face-err... eee-cue-lee-umm..." Apple Bloom attempted, looking at the spell's title.

"Ad Facere Equuleum," Twilight rattled off easily. "It's written in old Ponish, so it doesn't roll off the tongue that easily. I've heard there have been attempts to produce a revised edition of the spell in modern speech, but no luck so far. They keep leaving something out. So everypony sticks with the tried and true."

"And... that's really all there is?" Apple Bloom said, amazed. "Just a spell out of a book?"

"Why, yes." Twilight shrugged, smiling. "What did you think it was?"

The Crusaders looked at each other. None wanted to be the first to try to describe the rumors they'd heard floating around the classroom. "Wayall..." Apple Bloom offered cautiously, "for one thing, that's not how the animals do it down on the farm, like!"

Twilight nodded understandingly. "That's because the animals and plants we look after are entirely physical entities. They're part of the physical instantiation of the thaumic signature of this dimension --"

"Uh, 'scuse me, Twilight," Apple Bloom interrupted. "But.. the what now?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I mean they're governed by how the physical world works. So they have to reproduce by physical processes. Whereas ponies -- and dragons, too -- are thaumic entities. We're literally made of magic. So we use magic instead!"

"Oh..." Apple Bloom nodded. "That's why some parents start talkin' about the birds and the bees... and then say it ain't nothin' laik that!"

"Exactly!" Twilight nodded.

"But that can't be right," Scootaloo objected. "Just reading a spell? I mean, what happened before ponies had writing?"

"The spell used to be oral," Twilight replied. "Ahem... I mean, the spell that's written down now is a capturing of what was handed down, from generation to generation, by word of mouth."

"But... what 'bout before ponies knew how to talk?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Oh, we've always been able to talk," Twilight said. "It's part of our nature. It's one thing that distinguishes us from other creatures, having a common, symbolic language that's used for more than just signalling behavior. And some ponies, such as Fluttershy, have sufficient talent with speechcraft that they can understand the speech of other creatures as well."

"So you're saying," Sweetie Belle asked excitedly, "you just read this spell... and you get a foal?"

With her magic she snagged the book and quickly read the spell aloud:

In concordia, in caritate,
In domu parata,
Sit equuleus inter nos!

Then she looked around, doubtfully... and just a tiny bit hopefully...

"Very nice pronunciation!" Twilight complimented, smiling in amusement. "I see those spellcasting lessons Rarity signed you up for are paying off. But if it were that easy, Sweetie Belle, we're be up to our ears in foals! Ponies would be multiplying like parasprites!"

"So... how does it work then?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Well, you see, when a mare and a stallion love each other very much..." Twilight began, and then she laughed. "I'm having you on. It's a matter of patience, really. See, the spell needs to be spoken aloud, together, by the intended parents for every day of the eleven moons it takes for the spell to be completed. And if the parents forget, or get it wrong, even for a single day..." She shrugged. "Well, it's kind of a selection filter. It makes sure that parents only have a foal if they really, really want one, and intend to take good care of it."

"That makes sense." Apple Bloom nodded. "And it must be why pony parents always care so much about their children... if'n it takes that much effort to get started!"

"I suppose." Sweetie Belle still looked unconvinced. "But it seems like an awfully boring way to go about it. I mean, reading some dusty old spell together, for moons and moons?"

"Yeah!" Scootaloo added. "Doesn't that get really old after a while?"

Twilight nodded. "It would, if it wasn't for this other spell." Unlocking a cupboard behind the desk, she brought out another book, and flipping it open, she showed them the page -- with her forehoof positioned to hide the text of the spell itself. "Pro Voluptatem Legentium. It makes reading spells -- or indeed any specific book or text -- intensely pleasurable."

"Heh! Ah could sure use a spell like that," Apple Bloom said with feeling, "when Miss Cheerilee gives us our summer reading. She always assigns us doorstops it takes all summer to git through! Uh, no offense, Twilight!"

"Oh, this spell isn't something to mess around with!" Twilight warned. "That's why I keep it in the locked cupboard. In fact, it's normally kept from young fillies and colts until they're ready for it."

"Why's that?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Well..." Twilight suddenly looked guilty. "Case in point, I came across the spell while I was studying for Celestia's School, annnd... I had a lot of dusty old grimoires to get through, and my parents didn't know enough to warn me against using it indiscriminantly..."

"Uh oh..." Scootaloo whispered, suddenly getting it.

Twilight glanced around herself, at the rooms and rooms in her Library, chock-full of bookshelves.

And grinned sheepishly.

"I might have overdone it, just a little bit..."

The End

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and indicia are the property of Hasbro.
No infringement is intended. This story is a work of fan fiction, written by fans for fans of the series.