*Friendship Not Included

by Liquid Truth

ajack@alicorn.tech is:important

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Subject: Wrong Name

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Dr. Belle, can you change my name in the system, please? It shows Jack as my last name.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

No, darling, I can’t. The system requires everypony to have a last name.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

[CENSORED], are you serious?

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

Language, darling. This is an email. It will forever stay recorded in history once you sent it.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Ah’m gonna [CENSORED] use any kind o’ [CENSORED] language ah [CENSORED] want, [CENSORED].

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

Darling, let me remind you that it’s my job to censor every foul language you sent. Can you please help me make my job easier? Thank you.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

[DELETED CONTENT]

Subject: New Biometrics Blueprint

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech; view 3 more…

From: Dr. Shy fshy@alicorn.tech

Dear Physics Engineering Department,

I’ve enclosed in this email a copy of the required specifications for the new biometric security system Director Invicta has asked for. We ask that the blueprint be finished within a week.

If you need any further information, you can ask me through this email or by visiting me directly at my office at the Bioengineering Department.

[5 MISSING ATTACHMENTS]

Kindly Yours,
Dr. Shy
Bioengineering Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Shy fshy@alicorn.tech; view 3 more…

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Flutters, you’re sending us attachments for the spell matrices. This is Arcane Engineering’s job.

And isn’t this too [CENSORED] much? I don’t know [CENSORED] about magic hillbillies, but isn’t a week feel too short, even for Twi?

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech; view 3 more…

From: Dr. Shy fshy@alicorn.tech

I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, it won’t happen again in the future. I’m just forwarding requests from the Director, please don’t be mad at me.

I’m so, so sorry for the short notice.

[27 MISSING ATTACHMENTS]

Kindly Yours,
Dr. Shy
Bioengineering Department
Alicorn Tech

Subject: Questionable Spec

To: Dr. Sparkle ssparkle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Twi, I’m sending you the half-finished blueprints for the new biometrics the director asked.

I want you to tell me honestly what in the [CENSORED] is this?

[2 MISSING ATTACHMENTS]

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Sparkle ssparkle@alicorn.tech

I have a feeling we shouldn’t question the director’s requests, Doctor.

To: Dr. Sparkle ssparkle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

I’m not questioning it, Twi. You know that I know we can’t really back off since we got employed.

I’m just asking you if it is what I think it is.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Sparkle ssparkle@alicorn.tech

Yes, AJ. It is, indeed, a built-in hoof polish.

And before you ask, yes, I know Rarity’s involved in this, and yes, I know she’s doing this just to spite you. I’ll talk to her at lunch.

Subject: Don’t Lie

To: Dr. Pie ppie@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Pinkie, I know you’re stealing Twilight’s lunch.

You could’ve just asked for more in the cafeteria, you know that? My sister will be more than happy to serve double portions.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Pie ppie@alicorn.tech

But the cafeteria doesn’t serve Hayburgers! :,(

Dr. Pie ^c^
Metaphysics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Pie ppie@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Alright. I can’t ask Bloom to serve hayburgers, but I know you like apple pies. How does that sound?

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Pie ppie@alicorn.tech

Aww, AJ I’m so happy! You don’t need to do that! XOXO :D

Dr. Pie ^c^
Metaphysics Department
Alicorn Tech

Subject: Welcome, New Employee

To: All

From: Mrs. Inkwell rinkwell@alicorn.tech

Attention all Alicorn Tech personnel,

We would like to welcome you to our newest members of the family, [REDACTED], Rainbow Dash, Ph.D., and Sunset Shimmer, M.S.

[REDACTED] will be leading our upcoming genetics project and has been installed as our new Head of Bioengineering Department.

Dr. Dash has been installed in the newly-formed Flight and Aerodynamics Department and will be leading our ongoing arcane propulsion project.

Ms. Shimmer has been installed in the Physics Engineering Department.

Be sure to offer them our warmest welcome.

Subject: Hello!

To: Ms. Shimmer sshimmer@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Hello, Ms. Shimmer, and welcome to Alicorn Tech Physics Engineering Department!

My name’s Dr. Applejack, but you can call me AJ at any time the director isn’t around. I will be the lead engineer for most of Phys. Engineering projects, which means we will be working together often. I hope we can be the best of partners!

A little tip around the office: don’t be too formal. Most of us here in Alicorn Tech like to goof around, so being friendly is way more important than being respectful. Especially Dr. Pie at Metaphysics.

That being said, the same doesn’t apply in Information and Statistics Department. You should be careful around Dr. Belle. She’s the head of Information and Statistics Department and will test you out every so often. Be cautious.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Ms. Shimmer sshimmer@alicorn.tech

Thank you for the warm welcome, AJ! I’ll make sure to take your advice to heart.

Subject: About the new employee

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

The new mare at Physics Engineering, Ms. Shimmer I think her name is, has been quite apprehensive every time I met her. I can tell she’s being on edge about something. Can you talk to her about it?

Or maybe tell her that I’m willing to listen if she has any discomfort in her new workplace. It’s part of the job, after all. Poor dear, she must be really anxious.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Sure thing, Rares.

Subject: Call from IaSD

To: Ms. Shimmer sshimmer@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Dr. Belle contacted me earlier today telling me that she wanted to meet you. What did you do, Sunset?

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Ms. Shimmer sshimmer@alicorn.tech

I didn’t do anything, I swear! Can you tell her that I don’t know what I did wrong? Maybe she’ll understand that I didn’t mean it. Whatever it is, please tell her I’m sorry.

To: Ms. Shimmer sshimmer@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

I’m afraid I can’t, Sunny. Good luck.

Subject: not funny

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

Messing around a new employee’s head isn’t quite amusing for my taste, per se. Don’t you know how positively terrified she was when she walked through my door thinking she’s in trouble for something she never did? Oh, of course you don’t. You only think about yourself and your spite for something I’m not even to be blamed with.

Shame on you, you ruffian.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Hypocrite.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

Scoundrel.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Attention whore.

[234 MISSING REPLIES]

Subject: Shut up

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech; Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Mrs. Inkwell rinkwell@alicorn.tech

Can you two please put your bickering outside the company’s system? This is not a formal warning but may the moon [CENSORED] me to [CENSORED] and have [CENSORED] me to the sun and back if I can fire you both for being too spiteful and immature.

Encryption Level: 3
Deleted data successfully retrieved

Subject: Dr. Sparkle

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

So, you finally did it? How does it feel?

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

You worked on this project too, you know that?

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Yes, and I feel terrible. What I want to know is if you also feel the same.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

Who wouldn’t, AJ?

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Wanna go to the bar after work? The drink’s on me.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

Your entire bank account will be plunged into oblivion, you know that?

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

I don’t care anymore. I just want to forget that any of these ever happened. Not even your bitchy attitude. Let's just forget about all these shits and let ourselves cry over what we once were.

To: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

Such cheesiness for an Applejack. The world sure is ending.

~ Dr. Belle
Information and Statistics Department
Alicorn Tech

To: Dr. Belle rbelle@alicorn.tech

From: Dr. Jack ajack@alicorn.tech

Actually, it is. And before you ask, I'll tell you all about it at the bar. Yes, it has something to do with the director's stupid ambition and what you just did to Twilight. No, there's nothing we can about it.

Now help the both of us and delete this conversation.

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