Milm

by WhatDidIJustRead

Rating: teen
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Random, Human, Anon, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1011

Starlight offers Anon a glass of milm.

After being offered a glass of milm, Anon goes bananas, denying that it exists.

Rated T for sTupidity.

Published 2019-10-31 07:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-31 07:10:01 UTC

Just drink your damn milm.

Anon sat at the table, arms crossed and head turned to the side.

"Anon, you haven't eaten all day. Eat your hay, or I'm not gonna tuck you in tonight," Starlight said.

"No," Anon said. "I'm thirsty."

"You have water in front of you."

Anon slapped the glass of water, knocking it off the table. Before it could spill everywhere, Starlight caught it with her magic, growling. "I hate water," Anon said, pouting dramatically.

"You drank water earlier today!"

"Yeah. And I hated it."

Starlight sighed. "Fine, I'll see if we have any juice."

As the annoyed little horse left, Anon grumpily picked at the hay in front of him, sneaking small bites that he was sure she wouldn't notice missing from his plate when she returned. He chewed slowly, ready to stop at a moment's notice. Luckily, she got back just as he was swallowing. There was an inward swell of pride for his awesome stealthiness.

With a small clink, the same glass he had knocked over was once again set in front of him, this time full of white liquid.

"We didn't have any juice," Starlight began. Anon felt rage bubble up inside him, but she continued before it could explode in another outburst. "But, we did have some milm."

Confusion came and mixed with his anger, suspended within it like an emotional colloid. "Milm? The hell is that?"

"Just try it. It's good."

Anon leaned forward and examined the liquid. "This looks like milk."

"Well, it's milm. And it's all you're getting, so drink it and eat your hay."

"It's not milm. This is milk." To prove his point, Anon took a small sip, nodding. "Yeah. Milk."

"You can't just make up a new word for milm, Anon," Starlight said, immediately regretting her words. She sighed preemptively.

"Me making up words? You're the one making up words. It's milk. Mil-kuh. With a 'k'."

"No, it isn't. And I would know. I used to make it in my old village."

"You don't make milk. Cows do."

"That's not how milm works, so obviously it's different."

"I know milk when I see it, and that is milk."

Starlight knew this was going nowhere. "Fine. Just drink your milm and eat your hay. It's getting late."

"Milk!"

"Whatever you wanna call it, just eat so I can tuck you in and get back to work."

Anon adopted a sly smile. "Not until you call it what it is," he said smugly. He knew damn well that she wouldn't. Her expression curdled.

"Eat your hay and drink your milm, or I swear to Celestia, I'm gonna make you sleep in Trixie's wagon."

"That might be preferable," Anon bluffed.

"To what? Eating your hay and getting tucked in?"

"I don't even like the hay," he said, with pieces of it clearly visible between his teeth.

"Fine. Trixie's wagon it is," Starlight said, turning to leave.

Anon figuratively stood his ground, arms crossed again in defiance. As Starlight left the room and her hooffalls became distant, proving her intentions true, he crumbled like a house of ricotta.

"Wait!" he cried, nearly literally.

"Yeeees?" came the taunting and smug reply from inside the connecting hallway.

"I'll eat my din-din!" he shouted to assure that she would hear.

"Aaaand?"

"And... drink," he said quietly, but Starlight apparently had the hearing of a bat or something.

Her head poked back into the room. "Drink what?"

"My milk."

"Ah, ah, ah," she tutted. "Drink. What."

"The... this," he said, indicating his glass with a finger. "Don't make me say it." His voice was slowly gaining pitch as it became more of a whine.

"Oh, I'm gonna make you say it."

She had already won, and she knew it. Anon had no choice but to surrender, as Starlight was the kind of pony to really milm a victory for all it was worth. Resisting further would only cause her to give him grief for about a week or two. There was absolutely nothing good that could come from fighting her now.

Unfortunately, his short-sightedness was stronger than his sense, and even if he had consciously recognized the stupidity of his coming decision, he would have taken it more as a challenge or dare than a choice to be made rationally. And besides, he was feeling rather dare-y.

"Milk! Milk milk milk, milk!" he cried, the words pouring from his mouth like liquid from a tilted jug.

Starlight's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Anon swallowed, trying to keep a brave face. He knew he had made a mistake, and braced himself, ready to pour more of his antagonistic screeching upon her. She made the first move, horn aglow.

One quick flash later, he crumpled to the floor, smacking his face on the table on his way down. He was fast asleep, snoring, tongue lolled out against the filthy crystal floor. After a brief moment of consideration, Starlight teleported him to his own room.

"Well, better not let this sit long enough to catch fire," she said to herself, and drank down the delicious, silky liquid. The castle may not be flammable, but the dangers of leaving milm unattended could not be overstated. Licking the creamy remnants from her lips, she left the room.

"Hey, Twilight."

"Starlight! I'm so glad you're back. This passage is really giving me trouble, and I think I need your help. Did you put Anon to bed?"

Starlight sat next to her friend and mentor cozily, idly skimming the open book in front of Twilight. "Oh, yeah, he's gonna be out for, oh, say... exactly ten hours."

Twilight immediately understood the implication. "Starlight! We really shouldn't be using sleep spells on humans. We still don't know what kinds of long term effects that might have!"

"I know, I know. But, get this. I brought him a glass of milm, and you know what he called it?" Starlight paused to let Twilight shake her head. "Milk.

Twilight grimaced. "Milk? Milllll-kuh," she said, as if tasting a sour word. "Wow. What a dumbass."