I am halfway through my bowl of cereal by the time Adagio comes to breakfast. After a brief moment of hesitation, I set about preparing her cheerios. She nods at me pleasantly, taking her time walking to the place you set for her.

"Good morning, Girls, Anon."

"Ah, likewise."

"Go~od morning!"

"...Morning."

Colonel Mustard picks up her spoon.

"And how are preparations for today's excursion?"

Aria answers absently, peering into the cocoa rice krispies box.

"I have enough to burn down whatever forest we end up in."

Adagio looks expectantly at Sonata. Bluey stares blankly.

"What?"

I clear my throat.

"Er, I handled the food prep. Seemed safer that way."

After some consideration, Adagio nods.

"I had wanted Sonata to learn some planning skills, but this is fine too."

She goes back to eating. Aria leans her head on her hand.

"And the tent situation?"

"Handled."

Bluey waggles her eyebrows.

"Was it hard?"

Adagio looks her straight in the eye.

"Yes, it was long and hard. By the end, I was sweaty and tired, but filled with contentment."

Three jaws drop open. Miss Dazzle returns to her breakfast, a smug smile playing about her lips. Sonata looks at me in confusion.

"Is she saying you guys had sex?"

Facepalms all round. Sonata looks at everyone, becoming increasingly confused.

"What?"

Aria sighs

"Sonata,"

Adagio tenses minutely. Professor Plum continues,

"She was just going along with the innuendo you were making."

"Oh, okay. Thanks Aria!"

Adagio taps you on the shoulder.

"I think Aria has earned a pat."

"I agree."

The girl in question watches me approach warily. I stop just within arm's reach and turn around. Cheese Poof looks at me questioningly. I bend over a little, sticking my butt out.

"Pat away, Aria. You've earned it."

Orange Creamsicle just sighs. Statuesque Grape grins and I hear some dishes clatter in the background.

"Don't mind if I do."

What follows is a bit stronger than a pat, I can feel my butt ripple. After about five of those, I figure that's enough. As I return to my seat, I notice Aria can't stop grinning. Then I notice my dishes are gone.

"Wha-"

Sonata kneels by Adagio, a pleading look in her eye.

"Can it be my turn? I washed the dishes and everything!"

Adagio gives me a wry look.

"You established a precedent. Your butt is no longer your own."

I pose heroically.

"I regret only that I only have one butt to give."

That gets me a chuckle.

"Alright, Sonata. Have at it."

I was prepared for the groping, squeezing hands. I was not prepared for Blue Raspberry rubbing her face against me like some overly affectionate cat. My expression must have been unique, because the other two burst into giggles. I sigh dramatically.

"The sacrifices I make for my mistresses."

After a few more moments, I look behind me.

"You done down there?"

"Never~!"

Welp. Then a set of hands starts massaging your pectorals.

"Er, that's really not much of an erogenous zone for me."

Adagio rests her chin on my shoulder.

"Even so, I like it. Turn about is fair play."

The entire time Aria just sits there with a look of mild amusement on her face.

"You know, this is more what I was imagining when we snatched you off the streets."

"From what I now know of you, I am not surprised."

Sonata peeks out from around my hip.

"You want to be surprised? Okay!"

"Wha-"

I feel a slender hand try to wedge its way into my crack, blunted by the intervening cloth.

"Ah!"

I break free and stagger a few more steps away.

"That's quite enough, thank you!"

Bluey beams.

"You're welcome!"

Soon after, the Dazzlings excuse themselves for some tactical singing. I take the opportunity to change into some comfortable shorts, which are easier to wear. The girls still aren't done; I wander around, skimming the shelves of Adagio's library, then Aria's... video collection. Nothing really appeals, and I end up listlessly sitting in a recliner by a window. I don’t have my computer or my phone, so my usual entertainments are out of reach. Even if I did have them, no one really posts anything online anymore. I just sit there, blindly staring at the wind rustled grass. There's a familiar irritating restlessness building inside.

I stand up and stride out of the room. I snag a hand towel from the dining room and head back to Aria's video library. More out of habit than out of fear of being seen, I draw the blinds on the windows. That done, I haphazardly grab a DVD case from the R's. Upon closer inspection, it has no cover art or anything. I crack it open to find a similarly blank disc. Odd, but whatever. At this point I have challenge accepted most Aria's taste in porn, so I’m not particularly worried. I pop it into the player and settle down on the couch. As the usual FBI warnings go by I unzip and grip my little friend with the towel. I brace myself for whatever strange parody that will ostensibly help me get my rocks off.

I was not prepared for the xylophone. Nor the trolley coasting through a miniature neighborhood. I freeze, overwhelmed by childhood fondness and the sheer wrongness of this situation. Just then the door opens, and I hear Aria say, "I knew he'd be here."

My head turns slowly, but not before catching the episode title. 'Mister Rogers Talks About Growing'. Two of the three Dazzlings stare at me in horror. I stare back, deeply uneasy about the evil light in Aria's eyes. Silence reigns, or it would were it not for Mr. Rogers' singing. I frantically turn away, putting the reduced and confused Anon Jr back in. Adagio's mouth moves, but no sound comes out.

"~It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood, a neighborly day for a beauty~"

Sonata backs away slowly, her eyes locked on my now zipped up shorts.

"~Would you be mine?~"

"I can explain!"

Aria saunters over, her voice low and breathy.

"It's the sweater, isn't it?"

"No! I didn't mean to-"

She puts a finger on my lips.

"You don't choose Mr. Rogers."

The Lavender Offender has a presence like a large venomous snake. I am frozen in fear and fascination as she straddles my lap.

"He chooses you."

Mr. Roger tosses and catches his shoe in my peripheral vision. My boner has never been so confused. Aria rests her hands on my shoulders and slowly rolls her hips.

"Won't you be my neighbor?"

My breathing stutters and stops, much like my brain function right now.

'Do you ever sing, "Won't you be my neighbor" while I sing it?'

Her voice is husky with desire.

"Yesssss!"

Adagio creeps around the edge of the room and turns off the TV. I can think straight again, and I-

Okay, no, I can't think straight. Aria is leaning forward, grinding her crotch firmly against mine. All I can see, all I can smell, all I can breathe is Aria. Then I hear a wooden thud, and I see Sonata standing shakily, baseball bat in hand. I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Th-thanks, I think."

She looks like she's going to reply, but then she looks away. Adagio is breathing unsteadily as well but manages to speak.

"You should... change your shorts. But I don't know if you will ever feel clean again."

I look down to see a damp spot, which may or may not have been from my own fluids. I don't really want to try to figure it out. I leave, not certain I could speak in that moment. I wash, and I wash, and my hands are still shaky as I get dressed.

Author's Note

Here are some very special quotes from the episode:
Jimmy is a frisky cat
Think of all the things you can do now, that you couldn't when you were a baby
Can you say special words?
Can you wait for a while for something you want a lot?
There's lots we can do while we're waiting for growing
Platypus mound, that's a surprise
And what do you think that big thing will look like?
Purple Panda, from Planet Purple
I am not a scary, big thing, King Friday
Our representatives will speak to the big thing
Do you like to make up stories about little things that grow up big?
After you play with things, you put them back
Time to feed the fish
I like the way you're growing up, it's fun, that's all
Look how much she's grown, come on in
I hope you'll come again