Project Feghootenberg

by anotheraccount

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Pinkie Pie, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1656

Collection of my entries in the Feghoot Contest

This is a collection/anthology of my entries for the FimFiction Feghoot Festival contest.

Warning: Contains Bad Puns. Do not use while driving or operating heavy machinery because facepalms may occur.

Published 2019-06-27 12:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-02 12:09:51 UTC

Entry 1 - Dash's Report

Pinkie Pie bounced down the hallway of Canterlot High School, happily humming a harmonious song. It was almost summer vacation, and she had plans for a large sleepover party with her friends to celebrate the end of the school year. Pinkie stopped humming when she looked into the computer lab.

“Aaaagh, come on!” yelled Rainbow Dash as she pounded the desk with both fists. “Just print, you stupid computer!”

“Whatcha doin',?” asked Pinkie Pie as she looked over Rainbow Dash’s shoulder.

Rainbow Dash groaned in frustration. “Remember when we were in English class learning about authors publishing their stories and how they protect their intellectual property by filing for copyrights? And that we were given an assignment to write a report that was due by the end of the year?”

"Yepperooni! That was a while ago, but most of us turned in our papers within a couple weeks.” Pinkie Pie held her chin in a thoughtful pose. “I think Twilight turned hers in the next day.”

“Yeah, well...I’ve just finished mine and need to turn it in by tomorrow,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Because tomorrow’s the last day of school?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Yesss,” said Dash before she pounded the desk again. “But my stupid laptop won’t print my paper.”

Pinkie Pie looked at Rainbow Dash’s laptop. There was a well-worn sticker on the lid, and numerous dents and scuff marks on various locations on the laptop. “Why can’t you print?”

“This thing won’t connect to the network,” said Dash as she made a rude gesture towards her equipment.

“Why don’t you put the file onto a USB drive and print it from another computer?” asked Pinkie Pie as she pulled a flash drive from her hair.

“I can’t...the two USB ports broke when I dropped my laptop last week,” said Dash as she pointed to two empty rectangular holes in the side of the laptop.

Pinkie Pie leaned in to get a better look. “Did you have things plugged in to them when you dropped your laptop?”

“Yeah...now my game controllers are also broken,” said Dash as she looked out the window and rubbed the back of her head.

“And you can’t directly connect to the printer?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Nope...it’s a dinosaur that only has a slow network port, a Serial port, and Parallel port.”

Pinkie Pie looked at Rainbow Dash’s laptop. It was a thin laptop that was very sparse with available connections on it...it was one of those laptops that the manufacturer removed functionality to get a laptop that was just a little bit more thin than the previous model. There was a network connection, and only two USB ports...which were broken.

They both looked at the clock after the bell rang. “And now, I’m almost out of time.”

Pinkie Pie looked at the laptop and grinned. “I have an idea!” she yelled. Rainbow Dash blinked, and when she opened her eyes she saw an empty computer lab. Pinkie Pie was gone...and so was the laptop.

*-*-*-*

Pinkie Pie zipped up the final zipper on her spy suit and then jumped out from behind a telephone pole. She ran across the street and jumped past a sign that said “Canterlot Copyright Office”. She pulled out a grappling hook from her backpack and twirled it in a circle. She released her grip on the rope and watched as the grappling hook flew up the side of the building and through an open window. Nailed it! she thought to herself. Pinkie Pie grabbed the rope and then silently climbed the side of the building. When she reached the open window, she tossed her backpack through the window and then pulled herself up and climbed into the building.

Pinkie Pie looked around the room and saw that it was filled with carefully labeled filing cabinets. She walked over to the row of cabinets that were against the wall and looked behind them. After only three tries, she found one that was directly in front of a power outlet on the wall.

“Excellent,” Pinkie said as she opened her backpack. She pulled out Rainbow Dash’s laptop and then carefully fed the power cable through a hole in the back of the filing cabinet. She turned the laptop on and then carefully closed the filing cabinet drawer. Then, she wrote down all of the labels on the filing cabinet and its drawer. With the grace of a pink flamingo, she ran and jumped out the window, grapping both her backpack and the rope. When she reached the ground, she gave the rope a shake and caught the grappling hook when it fell.

“Dash is gonna be ok,” she said dramatically and then ran through the shadows towards her home.

*-*-*-*

The next morning, Rainbow Dash slowly walked down the halls of Canterlot High School. She opened the door to the computer lab and stopped when she saw Pinkie Pie sitting at an empty desk. Dash ran over to Pinkie and grabbed her shoulders.

“Why did you take my laptop? Now I’ll never get my paper on intellectual property finished!”

Pinkie Pie pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket, grinned, and handed it to Rainbow Dash.

“What’s this?” asked Dash. “It’s way too small to be my paper.”

Pinkie Pie began bouncing in her chair. “Read it Dashie!”

Rainbow Dash looked at the note. “Canterlot Copyright Office, Floor 3, Filing Cabinet 834, drawer 2.” She turned her head to the right when she heard the printer warm up and start printing.

Pinkie Pie ran over to the printer and grabbed the papers. She handed them to Rainbow Dash and then danced around the room with joy. “You see, Dashie? To print your report on Intellectual Property using our network printer, your laptop just needed a valid IP address!”

Author's Note

Sweet Celestia, that was a bad pun...

Entry 2 - Ribbons

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were sitting at an outside table at a cafe in Ponyville. Pinkie Pie was happily munching on her chocolate cookie, and Rainbow Dash sipped on her hot cocoa.

Rainbow Dash looked around to see if anypony was nearby, and then leaned closer to Pinkie Pie. “So, Pinkie, I need to ask...what’s the deal with ponies wearing Barnyard Bargain ribbons around their leg joints?” Rainbow Dash waived her hoof in a circle above her head. “They are everywhere in Ponyville!”

Pinkie Pie finished chewing her cookie and swallowed. “Oh, I can answer that! Filthy Rich started giving out some free groceries on an ad-hock basis.”

Entry 3 - Avian Assistance

Pinkie Pie happily pronked down the main street of Ponyville. She stopped in mid-air when she heard a very quiet and sad sound. She turned her head to the left and saw a small arctic tern sitting on a window sill.

“Oh, you poor thing!’ said Pinkie Pie as she reached over and scooped up the small bird. “You look hurt - let’s get you to Fluttershy! She’ll make you feel better.” Pinkie carefully placed the arctic tern into her mane and then allowed gravity to resume her path towards the ground.

Pinkie Pie carefully ran to Fluttershy’s house and knocked on the door. She heard soft hoofsteps approaching from behind the door, and then watched as the door slowly opened.

“Good morning Pin...OH MY!” yelled Fluttershy in a very quiet voice. “You poor thing, that must really hurt.” Fluttershy carefully picked up the arctic turn with her wings and carried it into her cottage.

Pinkie Pie pronked inside and watched as Fluttershy collected her medical supplies. “What happened? Is it ok?” she asked.

Fluttershy carefully stretched the tern’s wing onto a brace and then wrapped it with gauze. “He must have crashed into something, the poor dear. His wing has a minor fracture.”

Pinkie Pie watched as the tern received medical treatment. He was a very well-behaved tern...he did not move or fight Fluttershy as she applied the bandages.

“That’s a good bird,” said Fluttershy when she finished wrapping his wing. “You were very good, and you didn’t even swear when I wrapped your wing.” Fluttershy sighed. “Unfortunately, you won’t be able to rejoin your flock until your wing is better.”

Pinkie Pie watched as the tern appeared to deflate. “Why does he look so sad?” she asked.

“Well, it’s, uh…” Fluttershy said as she shuffled her hooves. “It’s uh..let’s just say it’s a special time for his flock….”

Pinkie Pie’s eyes and mouth opened widely. “Oh, my goodness! Quick, Fluttershy, ask him what his special somebirdy looks like!”

Fluttershy nodded, and then conversed with the male tern. She looked over at Pinkie Pie, and then told her what the bird said. Pinkie Pie lifted her hoof in a salute and then ran out the door in a cloud of dust.

*-*-*-*

“And so that’s where I’ve been the last two weeks!” Pinkie Pie cheerfully said as she bounced in her seat at the cafe.

Rainbow dash rubbed her forehead with a hoof. “Let me get this straight...you search all over northern Equestria for this bird’s flock, and then spend the next few days looking for a certain one. In a large flock of birds that are the same type of bird. Then, once you found it…”

“Her,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Ok, so once you found her, you took her with you all the way back to Fluttershy’s cottage so that she could keep the other bird company?” asked Rainbow Dash as she lifted an eyebrow.

Pinkie Pie smiled and nodded. “Yepperooni! Now they can be together until his wing is healed.”

Rainbow Dash leaned forward over the table and tapped her hoof on it. “So, the question is...why go to all that trouble?”

Pinkie Pie leaned forward and patted Rainbow Dash’s hoof. “Dashie, Dashie, Dashie...he was such a well-behaved bird. I just had to help him...one good tern deserves another.”