Apples Don't Regenerate!

by Tranquil Serenity

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1892

Applejack meets Vanellope, and no it is NOT a pleasure.

Applejack meets Vanellope, and no it is NOT a pleasure.

Published 2019-06-25 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-06-25 18:10:01 UTC

They don't!

Applejack wiped the sweat from her brow with a foreleg. "Who-weee!" she exclaimed. "Celestia's just about singein' the fur off ah me with that sun today!"

The orange mare cast a look through the apple orchard towards the big red barn, the distance between her and it just a little way's off. She smiled to herself. "Well, Ah reckon Ah can take a break from apple buckin' for just a little while."

Leaving the assortment of small barrels spread out on the grass, the tired pony started toward the barn at a slow walk, the promise of cool shade and a refreshing glass of water from the pump just outside it, pulling her in like the force of gravity on a falling apple.

Maybe Ah can make some headway on fixin' that there backup plow while Ah'm restin', Applejack mused.

The farm pony at last reached the pump by the fence that enclosed the Apple family house and barn. Humming, she grabbed her waiting cup from the side with a hoof, and gave its inside a quick glance to make sure it was clean before she stood up on her hind legs, and firmly pushed down on the lever, repeating the motion several times as it eased back up after each push, accompanied by the sound of rhythmic creaks. Then at last there was the satisfying rush of running water. The liquid splashed into Applejack's proffered cup, and the mare smiled in a mix of satisfaction and anticipation. She brought the cup to her lips and downed the contents in a quick succession of gulps - the cool of the water so gratifying as it slid down her parched throat.

The cup empty, Applejack took a breath and wiped the clinging moisture from her lips. She set the cup down in its usual place and continued her walk towards the barn, a little slower now, as the drink had relaxed her a bit. She was about halfway there when her ears perked up, catching the faintest hint of sound. There were sounds all around her, of course: birds singing, the breeze blowing, an occasional squirrel's chatter... but this sound wasn't like the others. It was like that of a foal playing, but Apple Bloom was supposed the be in school right now. Nevertheless, the closer Applejack came to the barn, the clearer the noise became.

The mare stretched her neck out to the side as she walked, trying to get a peek inside from her vantage point, but the brightness of the outdoors made the objects obscured by the dark inside even less pronounced.

"Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! EEEErrrrr!" an exuberant voice sounded.

Applejack blinked. It was a foal! Playing hooky in her barn, no less! The mare lengthened her stride and sped up to a trot. Some filly or colt was just about to get an earful for trespassing, and an earful on top of that for skipping school!

The farm pony passed through the open barn doors into the shade inside. It took a second for her eyes to adjust, but once they did she scanned the scene with an intense gaze. There were a few bales of hay stacked atop one another, a work table, the broken plow, a few apple barrels, some gardening tools leaned up neatly against the wall... and then she saw it. It looked like the back of a foal's mane, the face and body obscured from view as it sat in the driver's seat of Apple Bloom's cart - the one the little filly had insisted on having a fast, aerodynamic design when she and Applejack built it for the race last year.

"Nyrrreeeoooww! Vrooooom! EEEErrr!" the foal in the cart continued, apparently altogether unaware of Applejack's presence.

The orange mare let out an angry snort and trudged up alongside the vehicle, its nose pointed opposite the open barn doors. She was just about to get the foal's attention with a few raps on the side of the cart's wood body when she got a better look at the 'driver'. Her mouth fell open in shock as she realized that this trespasser wasn't even a pony, in fact, she had no idea what this creature was. It was small, about Spike's size, with a black tied up mane and claws that had been trimmed to the point of little threat. But unlike Spike its body seemed to be tan in color, and it wore a somewhat loose, teal covering on its upper half, the bottom of which tucked into a short brown, pleated skirt, out of which its two lower limbs protruded, the length of which appeared to be covered in a pair of colorfully striped stockings. She also hazarded a guess that whatever it was it was a young female.

Applejack blinked, her plan apparently halted by this unexpected turn of events. The creature didn't seem to have noticed her yet. Should she run outside and hope it went away? Should she barricade the barn doors, trapping the creature inside before running off to get Twilight? Applejack was just about to back away when suddenly the creature chanced a glance in her direction with its large hazel eyes. The orange mare's breath caught, realizing she had been seen.

"Woah! A pony!" the small creature exclaimed in a high-pitched, naturally warbly voice. It shifted in its seat and extended an arm, apparently offering Applejack a bite of a half-eaten apple she hadn't previously noticed in its... claw?

It was one of the Apple family's apples.

It took precisely one tenth of a second for Applejack to go from unsure to completely possessed with righteous fury.

"Wat in tarnation are ya doin' in mah barn?!" she yelled.

The creature's eyes grew big in surprise. "Wohohohoa!" it said, more in a strange expression of delight than in fear. It stood in the seat, making Applejack realize that this creature was of the two-legged variety, as opposed to a quadruped. "Easy there, horsey! Didn't realize you could talk!"

"Darn tootin' I kin talk!"

"Alright, alright..." The creature had raised its arms in a gesture meant to pacify. "Look, I'm sorry... The name's Vanellope and I meant no harm. It was hot outside and I didn't know anybody lived in this barn."

Applejack's face contorted into an expression that was a mixture of anger and disbelief. "Wha—"

"Yah, but now that I know this is your home, if you'd like me to leave, then I can do that."

"Why you—! You come into my—! Live here, well Ah never—!"

The creature watched Applejack's angry babbling with a calm, unbothered demeanor, seizing the opportunity to take another bite of the apple she was holding.

"Listen here, ya little varmint!" Applejack shouted, having miraculously regained the ability to form complete sentences. "That there's an Apple family apple!"

"Well, duh," Vanellope said with an eye-roll. "I didn't think it was an apple from the orange family." She took another bite.

Applejack sputtered senselessly for a moment before yelling, "AH'M AN APPLE!"

The apple thief snickered. "Yah, uhh... not to sound patronizing or anything, but I'm pretty sure you're a horse."

"PONY."

"Tomato tomahto," Vanellope replied casually.

Applejack's face had turned red, and steam was starting to literally come out of her ears.

"Woah, hey," the creature said, "there's no need to get upset."

"No need to—!" Applejack ran a hoof down her face. "Ah come inta my barn for a rest, and find mahself a trespasser who done stole mah apples and is usin' mah lil' sister's racing cart as 'er own personal playground!"

"Woah woah woah woah! I found this apple in one of those object regenerating barrels over there, and as for trespassing, as I said before I didn't know anybody owned this place."

"Regeneratin'?! Every one of them sweet, juicy, delicious apples has come from trees that have been tended to and babied by the hooves of the Apple family ponies from the time they were saplings and then some! Apples don't just appear in a barrel! Ya gotta plant 'em in the ground, water 'em, give 'em sunlight, time... and then you harvest 'em! Barrel by barrel by barrel... until every one of the hundreds upon hundreds of trees are picked clean! And then you have to start all over again!" Applejack gently poked a hoof to the thief's chest a few times as she spoke, though Vanellope just listened without any discernible concern, chewing on her apple. "And as for this barn, how could ya think it was abandoned?! Do ya reckon the fairy pony and her friends come in every so often and spruce it up so's paint stays fresh and the dust don't settle? Is that what ya think? VAN-ELL-OP-EEE!" Applejack pronounced the name with no small amount of effort, its syllables at war with her Southern accent.

Having finished all of the apple she was eating except the core, Vanellope blindly tossed the waste into the compost bin behind her, getting it in on the first try. She then reached into her hoodie pocket and pulled her hand out shortly after, retrieving something small with a glint to it. Producing a single gold coin, the little girl held it out to Applejack, who regarded it with a raised eyebrow.

"Here," Vanellope said, flipping the tiny coin into the air in Applejack's direction. "Will this cover it?"

Applejack's flailing forehooves just barely managed to catch the little thing.

"It's all I have," Vanellope explained.

Applejack held it up and noticed it had no discernible design on it, and when she turned it over to see the other side it made a strange sound, something akin to a rubber band's twang but at a higher pitch. She tried the material between her teeth to see if it would bend, and she pulled it away from her maw to inspect it. It didn't seem like a fake, but it wasn't a currency the mare was familiar with.

When she turned her eyes back to the cart seat, she saw that Vanellope had climbed down and was now standing in front of her with her feet on the ground, her eyes looking up the mare with raised brows. "So? Can I go or are you gonna have me arrested, already?"

Applejack sighed tiredly. "... Ah... Ah, reckon ya can go."

"Thanks, apple pony!" the girl said with a casual salute, commencing to skip towards the open doorway.

The mare looked back at the coin, a sensation, no... a pang of guilt spreading from her chest to her stomach. This... Vanellope... being a stranger to Equestria and all, might well actually really be ignorant of how things were done around these parts.

And she just gave up her last coin.

Applejack whirled her head around and saw the girl still within earshot by the fence, continuing to skip away. "Hey!" Applejack called, causing Vanellope to stop and look back. "Where are ya headed?"

Vanellope shrugged. "I don't know yet!"

The mare had to think fast. She was friends with the Princess of Friendship for Pete's sake! "Ya like cart ridin'?"

Even with the distance Applejack could see the girl crack a mischievous smile. "Does a pony believe its an apple?"

Author's Note

Please direct your grammar and spelling corrections to PM. Thank you. :twilightsmile: