City Folk

by Amuka

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Drama, Original Character
Length: 7475

Who knew weather could be the scarest thing in a wasteland.

Hi my names Mike Hollister, I'm really trying not to lose it right now as I just woke up in a colorful pony world inside a trashcan. Then I learned that this world's weather is out of control and could kill us!

Things really went downhill after that.

Published 2019-07-04 10:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-22 02:01:39 UTC

The Trash Heap and the Human

City Folk

Chapter 1:

The Trash Heap and the Human

I moaned and groaned as I fell over. ‘Where the hell am I?’ I thought pushing my way out of the can I was hidden away in.

After I had freed myself I took a look at my surroundings. “What the hell? I don’t even live near a city!” I shouted confused.

I appeared to be in an alley-way trash upon trash surrounded me and a few stray cats slunk in between the many piles of thrown out food and what appeared to be bent steel beams.

“Ugg I hate this job.”

Hearing a voice a little ways away I began weaving my way between the piles of trash hoping this person could give me some answers as to where I was “Hey man. Do ya know where I’m at? I’m kinda lost.”

“Huh?” The voice replied followed by the sound of a trash bag crashing to the ground. “Hello? Who’s there!”

“I’m Mike-” I responded as I pulled myself over a particularly tall pile of garbage. “-and what the fuck are you?!” I shouted surprised. Before me was a grey pony-like creature with brown hair.

“Mike?” The creature questioned slowly turning around. “That’s a weird na-” It’s eyes widened in fear when it saw me.

I stood there thinking of a good explanation for this. ‘Goddamnit! That fucker must have put something in my drink!’ “Let me guess… you puke rainbows and fart skittles too?”

The pony looked at me confused. “Why in Equestria would I puke rainbows and fart-” He paused seemingly confused, “-skittles? What are skittles?”

‘I probably look pretty stupid right now…’ “Yeah, I’m not going to talk to my subconscious anymore… now how to wake up from this high…”

“Puking rainbows” The pony muttered under his breath annoyed. “Sounds like something a pegasus from Cloudsdale would do, anyhow I don’t have time to waste talking to you I’ve got more trash to pick up. Good luck whatever you are.” With that, He turned and began making his way out of the alleyway.

‘Hmmm… a way to wake up…’ I pondered as I looked at the dirty walls of the alleyway.

“AHA! I got it!” I yelled in triumph as I charged into the wall slamming my face on the hard brick surface.

“What in Equestria are you doing!” I heard the pony scream a little ways away followed by the sound of footsteps ‘or is it hoofsteps?’.

“For goodness sakes, you’re gonna knock yourself out doing that!”

I felt something nudging my side.

“What in Tartarus are you anyway? I’ve never seen a creature like you around here.”

“Welp… Thank god for shock? I am internally freaking the fuck out right now; holy shit! That makes you real! Or I’ve gone insane.” shrugging I slumped down. “Honestly it’s about time… I thought I lost it a while ago.”

“What? Of course, I’m real you, you- what are you anyway?” the pony asked tilting its head to the side.

“Well if you can’t beat em, join em. I’m an over evolved monkey known as a human. You?” I definitely lost it but why not?

“Hoooo-man” The pony said thinking over the word for a bit. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of your species, where are you from?”

I just gave it the most annoyed look. “It’s human. Not hooman. You’re not from some old cringy space invaders movie. You’re in my head. So get it right.”

“Wha? Are all you hoomans crazy?” The grey pony sighed, “You know what, forget it. I’ve still got more trash to pick up and now that I’m fairly certain you won’t go banging your head against the wall anymore, I’m gonna get back to work.” Thus the pony turned around and once again started to exit the alleyway.

I glanced back at said wall. “You know I’m most likely got a bruise on one side of my face. Maybe I should have the other side match it.”

“Whatevs human.” The pony replied. “The medical field isn’t my department anyway.”

I waved my arms up in mock celebration. “Ayyyy! He said it right!”

“Ya ya great job me.” The ponies voice faded out as he turned the corner at the edge of the alleyway disappearing out of sight.

‘What was he doing again? Might as well be nosy. He is a part of my subconscious so I do technically own him right?’ I skedaddle to the entrance of the alley. “Well fuck, I know my brain isn’t that big. But that means he’s real.”

Peeking out from the entrance of the alleyway my eyes were greeted with a city bearing a very striking resemblance to manhattan in new york. And just a few blocks down was my subconscious pony person picking up a trash bag in what appeared to be a telepathic grip?

‘Well I fucked that up’ I made my way to the trash pony and scratched at the back of my neck. “So I didn’t catch your name…”

“Gah!” The pony jumped into the air in surprise dropping his trash bag in the process. “Oh so now you decide to do something huh? Sweet Celestia you scared me!”

“Don’t you ever sneak up on me like that again human!” He shouted at me. “Anyway the names Rubble.”

“So uh… want some help? I kinda lost it back there… and I’m pretty sure I’m still in shock, but hey why not?”

“Oh yes, I know you lost it. You lost it so much you rammed your head into a wall.” Rubble replied sarcastically. “But sure you can tag along, it’s not that interesting though I just pick up the trash around here.”

I start looking around for trash as I try to make small talk. “So.. how are you lifting stuff like that.” I pointed to the floating paper bag.

“Huh, oh I just use my horn.” Rubble says gesturing to the appendage on this head. “It’s just a basic levitation spell.”

“ What’s the spell? How does it work?” I’m genuinely interested as I’m a nerd obsessed with magic books back home.

“Well,” He replied pausing the think. “You just use your horn.” He explains looking me over. “Something I don’t think you have… Then while looking at the object imagine you’re holding it.” He finished pointing his horn at the floating trash bag in his grasp.

“I mean… I have something roughly in the same shape and size…” I said looking down. “Fingers are something that you don’t have.”

“Fingers? You mean those twigs at the end of your arm? You know what, I really don’t care that I don’t have these fingers you speak of. This horn is just fine, thank you very much.” Rubble nodded to himself and then started down the sidewalk toward the next garbage can.

“You know human someday I’ll get out of this city and the garbage “Industry” and I’ll start a new life, a life full of enjoyment and purpose not just picking up other ponies trash! Of course, I would already be out of here if cloudsdale hadn’t bucked everything up but whatever, stupid pegasus.”

“You could become an adventurer, just got to wear shin guards for those arrows. Don’t want to get stuck on guard duty.”

“I can’t just become an adventurer. They barely let anyone out of the city these days you have to have a special permit and all this other paperwork.” Rubble sighed, “I really shouldn’t be talking about it in the street anyway come on there’s more trash to collect.”

“What? So they basically trapped you all in here like animals?” I followed him.

“Yeah I guess, there’s not really anything to see out there anymore anyway, I guess it’s for the best.” Rubble replied as his horn glowed a bright white and suddenly the bags of trash he was carrying disappeared.

“What did you do there? Did you just teleport that?” I stood there confused.

“Nah, Just imploded it, crush all the atoms so it basically ceases to exist, if we didn’t do that this whole place would be filled to the brim with trash. Thank Celestia for the genius that is Twilight Sparkle.”

“That another unicorn? Cause it’s not ringing any bells. And… please don’t ever use that on me… cause that would fucking suck. Eh? Get it? Cause you imploded it?”

Rubble just stared at me blankly. “Ha. Ha.”

“Look, there are only two more stops on my route then I get to go home and relax until tomorrow save your bad humor for when I’m not on the job okay?”

I give off a mock hurt expression. “I guess some just can’t withstand how puny I am…”

“That’s some low hanging fruit and you know it.” Rubble replied trying desperately to hold back a smile. “Ah, here we are! The last two buckets of trash for the day!”

Moving over to the big green containers Rubble lifted the tops and levitated out three black bags of trash. Then a cast the same spell from before and the bags disappeared out of sight.

“Welp, job well done for today. It was nice talking to you human, see ya around.” And thus Rubble made his way down the street once again.

“Ok… well bye!” I said waving to him as he left. As soon as I couldn’t see him anymore I quickly made my way into an alleyway. “Yes! Now I can fiddle around without others looking at me like I’m an idiot!” I quickly found an empty trash can and proceeded to motion towards it like I’m Darth Vader. ‘Fuckin float! DO IT!’

Suddenly all the lights being emitted from the buildings around me turned off and I was left in an almost pitch black alleyway. Looking up I saw dark clouds floating above the city.

“Oh hell no! I’ve seen enough horror movies to know where this is going!” I bolted out of the alley.

“Oh hey human.” I heard a familiar voice call from across the street. “There something scary in that alleyway or something?”

I dashed towards him and attempted to hide behind a light post. “Oh, you know. Just the start of every horror movie ever! If a red balloon floats out of there I’m gonna need you to vaporize it for me.”

“Oh, you mean the lights going out? Yeah, that’s normal, happens every few days sure it’s annoying, but no creatures are going to jump out of the shadows and devour you.”

“So you’re telling me not to worry about make-believe creatures? As I’m talking to a fucking unicorn?!”

“Uh, yes? Anyway, I got home only to realize I didn’t buy food today so I’m on my way to the market what were you up to?”

“Me? I was just… actually, it doesn’t matter. Let’s go. I’m getting the freakiest vibes from over there.” I quickly jogged along the sidewalk in a random direction.

“Uh Human, the market’s this way.” I turned to see him pointing his hoof in the opposite direction I had been jogging.

I just stopped and swiveled around. “We can go that way too. I was just going to take the scenic route, but whatever.” I quickly made my way past the alley and gave a hurried look to Rubble as I passed him.

“Okay?” He replied uncertainly as he followed after me.

“So what do you humans eat?”

“Well, I’m an omnivore so most things actually.” I watched the alley like a hawk as I waited for him to catch up.

“Oh, so you’re like the griffons then?”

“Oh cool! There are griffins here too?!” I look to the sky in hopes to find one.

“Of course there are griffons here, where have you been all this time?” The pony asked surprised as we continued further down the dimly lit street.

I patted his head with the palm of my hand as I thought for a moment. “Oh, you wouldn’t believe me even if I told you… and these griffins… they won’t try to eat me would they?”

“Only if you make them mad like Crimson always ends up doing.”

I gave him a funny look. “Ooo! Who’s that? Your girlfriend?”

“What? Don’t be ridiculous.” Rubble responded curtly. “That mare is something else…”

“Oh! I see! So your crush!” I blared this out loud.

“Shut up human!” The pony yelled nudging my side.

“Anyhow we’re here now!” Rubble said gesturing to a few shabby wooden stalls that had been set up in the middle of the street.

“Now you shut your mouth, let me get my groceries and go home got it?” He asked looking at me pointedly.

“But where’s the fun in that? You know I can do stuff too.” I nudged him back.

“Oh really?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, “do you even have any money?”

“Yes, but it probably doesn’t work here. I can give massages like no tomorrow though!” I wiggled my fingers at him with a smile.

Rubble shifted around uncomfortably for a second before walking a little ways away toward a nearby stall.

“Ay Snow!” He shouted as he approached.

“Yeah?” A gruff voice replied followed by a black pony with a white mane poking his head over the counter.

“What do you have in stock this time?”

“Ah, Rubble back so soon eh?” The dark pony responded as he began laying out a small assortment of food.

“Yeah.” Rubble replied rubbing the back of his head with a hoof. “I didn’t ration to well this time and uh, accidentally ate all my food.”

“You really got to watch it Rubble, you know how hard it is to get food in here with all that’s happened recently.”

“Yeah yeah I know.”

“Anyway, who’s your friend over there? Never seen anything like it.” Snow asked gesturing to me.

“Oh, that’s human.” Rubble said pointing a hoof at me.

I put my hand up and split my fingers down the center. “Greetings! I come in peace.”

“Well since Rubble hasn’t bucked you into next week I trust you.”

“Is this all you have Snow?” Rubbled asked surprised at the small amount of food on the table consisting of four carrots, one cauliflower, and 2 small bags of flour.

“I told you it’s gotten harder. Have you not heard what’s going on in Canterlot?!” Snow asked shocked.

I waved my hand in between them to get their attention. “So uh… this might sound stupid, but what is going on?”

“He doesn’t know anything does he?” Snow asked Rubble deadpanning.

“Uh, I guess not?”

“Alright listen here, Human.” Snow started leaning on the stall. “About 2 months ago there was an accident in Cloudsdal- You don’t know what that is do you?”

I just giggled. “Nope! Honestly, I woke up in this city when I first met Rubble here. I’m pretty sure I don’t even belong on this planet! The only reason why I’m this calm is because I’m still in shock! And boy when it wears off it’s going to be a dozy!”

Rubble and Snow looked at each other before turning back to me. “Allllllrighty then.” Snow said surprised. “One thing at a time I suppose.”

“Truly, this sounds like something Twilight should handle, not us.” Rubbled chimed in helpfully.

“Anyway, back to what I was saying. Cloudsdale was a giant cloud city in the sky near Canterlot full of rainbows and a ton of pegasus. It has also controlled the weather of Equestria for over two hundred years. Now I don’t know all the details, but supposedly Celestia tasked them with finding a way to make the weather control itself in an adjustable way.” Snow Continued. “Unfortunately something went wrong in the process and what the research team created instead was a massive uncontrollable weather system. And it’s been chaos around here ever since, acid rain, magnetic pulses that turn off the power, lightning capable of taking down skyscrapers, and a whole boatload of other dangerous weather.”

“Half of Equestria had to evacuate due to the climate.” Rubble picked up where Snow had left off. “Everything west of the capital is a wasteland full of who knows what!”

I had to take a moment to process all of this new information that just got shoved into my ear holes. “So… why don’t you just turn the machine off and slowly readjust the weather back to its normal state? The major storms just need to be broken apart and the acid rain moved to a secure location to be disposed of.”

“That’s actually a really good plan if it weren't for one thing.” Rubble responded thoughtfully.

“That one thing being that it isn’t a machine.” Snow said picking up the conversation. “Cloudsdale wanted to be advanced, the best at weather. So they had the genius idea to make this weather controller out of pure magic. And that magic orb is sitting in the most dangerous part of Equestria.”

“The Smokey Mountains. “ Rubbled Finished. “Every team sent there to fix the weather orb has never returned.”

With a smirk I used my knowledge of online games tailor a world problem, we just need one thing. “Got any Mythril?”

“Any what now?”

“Mythril. A natural metal with a higher concentration of magic. Due to its highly concentrated magic level, it repels offending magic. Use that and a lightning rod and you should be set.”

Rubble and snow just looked at each other. “Wow, he really must be from another planet Rubble because I’ve never heard of this Mithril stuff.”

“Same Snow, and besides it’s already late.” Rubble said looking into the sky. “Give me 2 of those carrots and a bag of flower and I’ll be off.” Rubble finished levitating a small pouch of what I assumed was money over the counter.”

“Sure thing.” Snow replied taking the small sac and then proceeding to fill a small bag with the food in question.

“Alright, Human I’m heading home and getting some sleep.” Rubble said with a yawn as he began to walk away.

I waved off Rubble and turned to Snow. “So do you know any safe place I would be able to stay at? Or maybe a library? I’m pretty sure something is following me…”

“Well, the city was already full before the weather apocalypse so no. You’ll either have to sleep on the streets or follow Rubble Home.” Snow responded as he began packing up his little shop for the night.

“So no library?..”

“Well… Unless you want to stay with Twilight...” Snow stopped looking off into the distance. “But that’s really not a good idea in my opinion.”

I scoffed. “Oh please. As long as she’s not the librarian from Monsters University were all good.”

Snow sighed. “Alright then, just be careful. She lost someone in the accident, she’s not exactly the most stable pony around at the moment.” With that, he blew out the small oil lamp that had been lighting his stall and started off down the street.

I immediately went on high alert now that it was dark. “Mind giving me some directions please?”

“Oh right, you’re not from around here.” he said chuckling. “Go up this street, take a right, and then a left and you should be there. Trust me with how dilapidated the place is you can’t miss it.”

“Uh-huh… ok… just gonna go now… bye!” And I bolted away. Whatever is following me better be fast too.

And so I bolted down the dark streets following Snow’s directions. Straight, then a right, then a left until finally, I reached a street lined with utterly destroyed buildings, most of them missing roofs and walls.

I quickly ran to the door and spin around and looked around for any movement. “I know you’re out there you bitch… ain’t sneaking up on me.”

A soft breeze and silence was all that greeted me.

“Fine! Be that way! Baka!” I knocked on the door behind me as I scanned the area.

As it turns out I was in for a scare that night as the door behind me flew open the moment I knocked on it causing a loud banging noise to ring out across the street.

“Oh shit! Wow that was fast!” I went to stand back up and look around.

A bolt of lightning streaked across the sky lighting up the room I was in for a few seconds revealing floors covered with dust and glass shards, broken windows, and pipes sticking out of peeling drywall.

A tiny dot of light flickered on and off in the far right corner of the building.

“Oh shit that’s creepy…” I closed the door behind me and made my way towards the light.” So um… hi?”

“Huh?” A feminine voice responded as a purple outline shot into a standing position in front of the dim light.

“I’m hi. This is the library right? I’m probably lost.” I slowly made my way towards the figure ready to dart away if necessary.

“Oh, no this isn’t the library This is my home. The library's that building across the street. I can take you there if you want.”

“Oh… well I feel kinda stupid now. Guess I’ll just leave you be.” I started for the door. I have a bad feeling for some reason…

“Oh it’s fine many new ponies around here often get lost. Here let me show you.” The voice said followed by the sound of footsteps behind me.

“Okay, I guess. I’m one of those new people around here so to speak.” I waited by the door.

“Yes exactly.” The voice replied as the door was held in a purple magical grasp similar to when Rubble held the trash bags. Soon the door was flung open causing the small light from outside to illuminate me and the unknown voice.

Which surprisingly turned out to be a lavender-colored pony with a mane covering half her face to be revealed. She stopped staring at me. “You’re not from around here are you creature?” She asked her horn flaring with magic.

“No. I’m actually an alien from a different world, but that’s not important right now. Let’s find the library so I can fix this weather problem.”

“Please tell me why I should trust an Alien from another world I just met in the middle of a crisis?” The Lavender pony asked her horn glowing brighter.

“Umm? Cause I just want to find the library? And I’m lost…” I slowly backed away. I should have ran for it when I had the chance…

Suddenly the Lavender ponies horn stopped glowing and the distrust that had been growing in her voice disappeared. “Fine. But if you make one wrong move I’ll blow your head off got it?”

“Or I can just go solo… you know… get out of your hair…” I worked my way towards the door.

“No!” At once the ponies horn flared to life illuminating the room with a lavender glow. “You are going to follow me to MY library got it?”

“Oh… it’s your library… so that means you must be Twilight… okay… please don’t blast me…”

Annoyed Twilight pulled the door open with her magic and gestured for me to follow as she crossed the street.

Author's Note

Hey look I did a thing with my boi Knight

The Beginning of the Journey

City Folk

Chapter 2:

The Beginning of the Journey

“You know… I don’t know what’s worse. The trigger happy unicorn or the thing following me around.” I muttered as I exited the building behind the crazed purple maniac as we headed towards the library.

“You know I’m right here right?” The purple unicorn asked stopping in place and glancing back at me.

“Exactly why I’m sticking with you. The other one is hiding in the shadows. Hmmm… Maybe it’ll eat you instead?” I stopped to think. ‘If I can lure it out then I can distract both Twilight and the creature, but then again I need those books. I’ll have to hold off on it I guess.’

Twilight turned and looked at me confused. “What in Equestria are you talking about? If there was anything following you the wards would have sensed it the moment you stepped onto the block.”

“Famous last words there,” I said aloud as I looked at the shadows around us.

Finally, we arrived at the door which Twilight quickly opened using her magic. Behind the door was a small if not cozy wooden room with shelves upon shelves of books. The place was lit by what appeared to be floating balls of fire?

“Welcome to my Library,” Twilight said as she stepped inside. “So what is it you needed again?”

I booped her on the nose as I walked by. “I need a book on a metal that can hold magic.”

“A metal that can hold magic?” Twilight muttered thoughtfully.

Suddenly all the books on the shelves were surrounded by a light lavender aura and quickly came flying off the shelves floating around the unicorn. Twilight then began looking through them at lightning speed.

“No. NO, no. NO!” She screamed tossing book after book behind her creating a pile of literature on the floor.

This continued for a while before she finally found what she was looking for.

“Aha!” The unicorn screamed triumphantly, “Would this be of use?” She asked floating a book over to me with her magic.

I looked down at the book. “Theoretical Metals and… whatever the fuck that is. Yeah. Gonna need to look into it a little. If you want to help me out while I do this you can look for some sort of tool to allow me to cast a spell… I’m not very successful without one.” I started looking around for a good reading spot.

“You can’t cast spells naturally?” Twilight asked making her way toward me with a curious but somehow evil-looking expression.

I poked her nose again. “Boop. I just cast a weak confusion spell on you.”

“Huh.” The unicorn questioned as the lighting of the room began to dim. “So you can cast magic naturally?” Why was the room starting to look red?

“You know… I understand that you probably don’t know this, but where I come from dimming the lights usually comes after a few dates first. Also, I think there’s something behind you.”

“What?!” Twilight screeched quickly turning around her horn glowing with magic.

“There’s nothing there you LIAR!” She screamed turning back around the room lights were now definitely glowing red. “I don’t like liars creature, the last creature who lied to me never got the chance to do it again,” Twilight said, narrowing her eyes at me.

“Hmmm… I suppose you’re right. Bad lighting am I right? But you seem to be getting confused a lot. I wonder why? Hmmm?” I gave off a smug look in her direction.

Alas, that smug look quickly disappeared as a torrent of purple lightning began flying in my direction.

“OH SHIT!” I screamed jumping to the side of the room. “Hey, Twi! You alright?! This weather is bad!” My ears were definitely ringing.

The lighting had rammed into the wall behind me leaving a gaping hole in the side of the building.

“I tried to be nice Creature, I really did.” I faintly heard Twilight’s voice through the constant ringing in my ear. “But just like in Cloudsdale, it only gets me a sarcastic flank-hole who cares only for himself!”

Soon another blast of lightning went zooming past my face.

“Ok hold up! Why the fuck did you say that I only care about myself?! Why do you think I’m here?! To save your asses from this weather! I don’t even live on this planet! Also, my sarcasm is a stress-coping mechanism of mine! I was just torn from everything I know a few hours ago! I lost everything! My friends, family, coworkers, house, and destroyed my way of living! So I’m sorry for trying to help your ass! You don’t need to blow me to bits!?” I yelled rubbing my ears trying to regain my hearing. “ And hold up for a moment, I can’t even hear myself yelling…”

With a pop of purple light, Twilight appeared in front of me with a somber expression on her face. Her horn glowed again and I felt a tingling sensation in my ears.

“There,” she said annoyed. “I stopped the ringing.”

“Testing one-two. Yup, they seem to be working. God that ringing was horrible.” I looked up to Twilight from the floor.

“Human?!” A familiar voice called from a small distance away. Followed a little later by what sounded like a stampede of hoof steps.

“Aye, it’s Rubble! Careful!” I screamed. “This one’s a real shocker! Pun intended.” I waved in his direction.

“TWILIGHT!” Rubble roared as he entered the destroyed library.

“Uggg.” Twilight groaned. “What?”

“How many bucking times have I told you not to do this shit!” He howled tossing a book at the unicorn who easily deflected it. “Do you know how much shit I’ve fought so the city council will let you even live here?!”

“Yes Rubble,” Twilight responded exasperated as she began reassembling the wall she’d destroyed. “We’ve had this conversation many times before, blah blah blah, city council, bleh. It can’t be that big of a deal. Without my wards, the city would be a pile of rubble by now.”

“You do this every time a new person shows up at this library, this city’s already got enough problems without you blasting half of it with purple lightning!” Rubble Yelled exasperated.

“You think I don’t know that Rubble? I was there when the weather orb exploded, for Celestia’s sake I bui-”

“Twilight Sparkle!” A gruff voice called from outside the library.

“Shit,” Rubble cried glancing at the door. “Human, you see that table over in the far right corner?”

“Oh, you mean the table that would have been a good spot to read a book? Absolutely. All this is still kind of shocking isn't it?” I attempted to get up, but a slight pain changed my mind.

“Yeah that one, look. Under the right leg is a switch could you press that for me?” He said pointing at the table in question that was a little ways away.

“Rubble what’s going on? Why is Steel Breaker outside?” Twilight Asked nervously.

“I’ve been trying to tell you Twilight” Rubble replied as he began piling pieces of furniture and other debris in front of the door. “The Council gave you one more chance to stop almost blowing up half the city and with your little display a few minutes ago. You just blew it.”

I wiggled over towards the lever. “Hey, Twilight. If we all get kicked out make sure to grab that book” I said pulling the lever. “Looks like we’re going on an adventure!”

The table lifted up revealing a ladder leading to an underground passageway.

“Oh, I forgot about that,” Twilight said sheepishly glancing at the ladder.

“Whatever,” Rubble responded running over to us. “What are you waiting for? GET GOING!”

I pulled myself to my feet. “I’ll go last. We’ll need that book Twilight!”

“What’s so important to you about that book?” Twilight demanded as Rubble began forcing her down the ladder. “It’s just full of theoretical metals and myths!”

“Now’s really not the time Twilight!” Rubbled replied grunting trying to force the feisty unicorn down into the passageway.

“Just try and be quick about it alright human?” With that, the trash pony and Twilight disappeared into the dark passageway.

I quickly grabbed the book and ran to the door removing all the furniture and debris Rubble had leaned against it.

“Hey, you all! It seems we can both benefit here!” I called to what I realized was a mob of ponies outside the Library. “

You all want Twilight Sparkle gone right!? Well, I’m from a whole different planet and I need a test sample! So I’m going to take her away! What do ya say!?”

“It’s that creature I saw at the market!” A voice called from the crowd.

“But he’s offering to take away the lavender devil.” Another countered.

“SILENCE!” A voice boomed silencing them all.

“How can we trust you, creature? I was not aware of your existence.” A commanding voice called from the front of the mob.

“Yeah, what if he’s from the zone!”

“Why would I reveal myself without an offer? Also, I don’t know what the zone is, but I can reveal that we are planning to fix your weather problem! Can’t say when it will be done though.”

“Really? You a creature from another planet is going to fix our problems? Please, that’s ridiculous.” The dark grey pony at the forefront of the group replied laughing.

The mob soon following suit.

Not getting the reaction I was hoping for I decided now was probably a good time to leave.

“Well, it looks like it’s time for us to vanish! Fare thee well!” I yelled dashing away from the door and quickly tossing the book down the hole before climbing down shutting it behind me.

I landed at the base of the ladder with a grunt. ‘It’s pitch black down here’ I thought to myself trying to regain my bearings.

Faintly I could see a purple light round a corner a little way ahead of me.

“So you two ready for an adventure?” I asked as I approached the two ponies.

“Gah” Twilight screamed jumping in surprise. “When did you get there?”

“Wait, you mean we’ve been going in circles around the ladder this whole time?!” Rubbled asked enraged.

“It’s not my fault the map of the sewers changed since I was last here!” Twilight retorted.

“Why you!” And thus began the most underwhelming and stupid fight I’ve ever witnessed as two fully grown ponies battled it out on the floor of a sewer.

“You two are idiots,” I said dumbfounded as I pried the two off each other. “Why do you need a map? Just follow the current. This shits gotta go somewhere. And if you’re like this the entire way. I paused, “I’ll push you in. I still owe you for trying to kill me earlier.” I said giving a pointed look to Twilight as I retrieved the book from the floor.

“I guess that’s a good idea,” Twilight said pushing Rubble sending him careening into a nearby stone brick wall.

“For buck's sake.” Rubble groaned dragging himself over to me. “Alright human, since you seem to be well versed in science of waste disposal, please do lead the way.”

“Dude it’s just common sense. Also you two, please don’t make any sparks or fire in here.” I said sighing, “I’d rather not suffocate in this shitty place.” With the warnings out of the way I began following the flow of the sewer water.

Both of them glanced at each other for a brief moment before quickly following after me.

“So,” Twilight began as she and Rubble caught up to me. “Where exactly are you from?”

“A highly advanced planet called Earth. If you come in contact with them, don’t piss them off.” I stepped over a dead rat. Gross.

“Oh,” Twilight replied wearily dodging the dead rat as well as opposed to rubble who stepped on it. “What’s it like?”

“Matters where you are. Probably like this place all the way to a paradise. That was disgusting by the way.” I forced myself not to look back at the rat remains.

“Eh, it's not a big deal, you’d be surprised how many corpses one finds when taking out the trash.” Rubble responded his hooves leaving bloody hoofprints as we continued along.

“So what exactly were you doing up there for so long?”

“Oh, you know. Making it so that they won’t search for us. We just have to stay hidden until we get out of the city.” I just kept walking.

“What did you do?” Rubble asked coldly, stopping.

“Oh, I just told them that I’m an alien and that I’m abducting you two. They’re not the smartest bunch…” I did a funky alien gesture as we walked.

“Oh.” Rubble responded relaxing. “Wait, you told them you’re abducting us?!” He asked surprised.

“Yup! And don’t worry, I don’t have any probes on me.” I chuckled at my own joke.

Rubble sighed again. “So much for going back home after getting Twi over here out of the city.”

“But aren’t you just a trash pony?” Twilight asked rejoining the conversation. “Why does it matter to you?”

“Look, my job isn’t the best. Actually, it’s the lowest of low. Every day I go pick up someponies trash, weather that be spare parts, rotten food, or more commonly corpses of some kind. Rats, pest, you name it. What bothers me is we’re going to be leaving one of the last sane cities still in Equestria, if not the only one.”

“You call this place sane? Guess I better lower my standards then. So you say the weather is causing all of this? Guess we’ll just have to fix it then.” This walk is getting kinda boring.

“And how exactly do you plan to do that human?” Rubbled asked as the darkness around us began to be pierced by light.

“The exit!” Twilight yelled happily running off.

“Don’t run Twilight. You might regret it.” Rubbled called after her.

“What do you mea-WOAH!” The unicorn cried coming to a screeching halt on the edge of an outflow pipe leading to a lake full of murky water.

“For Celestia’s sake Twilight! What were you thinking, you know we’re in a sewer, and you know that the area around here is at least 40 feet below the city!” Rubble yelled pulling Twilight away from the edge.

“Geez, cloudsdale really did suck all the smarts out of you didn’t it.”

“Shut up trash pony!” Twilight retorted.

“What did you call me Mrs. Celetia’s faithful student!?” Looks like another fight was about to begin. On the edge of a cliff no less.

“God it’s so tempting to push you off…” I sighed as I slowly walked up to them and flicked their horns simultaneously.

“HUMAN!” They both screamed simultaneously. “WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?”

I shrugged. “Would you rather have me push you off the cliff? Cause that was really tempting. Plus my name is Mike.”

“You were gonna push us over the edge!” Twilight questioned looking over the edge.

“Ugg, Twilight, forget it. We need to find a way down from here or we’re gonna be sewer ponies for the rest of our lives! Any ideas, Hu-, uh, Mike?”

“You’re the one with magic. Figure it out. Plus isn’t this your escape route anyways?” I asked.

‘God. All it needs is a little push and she’s gone.’ I thought glancing at Twilight who was leaning over the edge looking for who knows what.

“Well, we could jump into the lake down there,” Twilight said gesturing to the body of murky water at the bottom of the outflow pipe.

“Eh,” Rubble responded looking unsure. “But we don’t know what’s in that stuff, no wait. Actually, we do.”

“Oh yeah,” Twilight said her face looking green.

“We could try descending the cliff-side around the outflow pipe.” Rubble purposed pointing a hoof at the cliff the city was based on.

“How in Equestria do you expect us to do that with hooves?” Twilight questioned annoyed.

“Well do YOU have any better ideas? It’s either the cliffside or the lake of shit, pick your poison Twilight!”

Twilight growled annoyed. “FINE, the lake of shit it is. I have an anti-bacteria spell if need be.”

“You what?! Why didn’t you mention that sooner!”

“Uh, I forgot about it?” Twilight responded sheepishly.

“You really are scatterbrained these days you know that?” Rubble asked sighing. “Alright, you ready to jump into a puddle of shit Mike?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I said glancing at the wonderful murky water below. “all at once?”

“If we don’t find a shower soon after this I’m going to destroy both of you.” Rubble said also looking anxiously at the wonderful body of water below.

“Alright, on three! One. Two. Three!”

At once the two ponies raced toward the edge and jumped.

I quickly grabbed Rubble stopping him in his tracks. Watching as Twilight ran and jumped off the edge. The look of confusion on Twilight’s face was absolutely priceless.

“Paybacks a bitch,” I said with a devilish smile as I heard a splashing noise.

“Woah Woah Woah!” Rubble screamed as he watched Twilight plummet into the lake below. “Why’d you do that Mike! Are you crazy?!”

“No. Maybe. Oh well. So you want me to carry you down? If not feel free to jump.” I said a large smile gracing my features.

“I, uh. Uh. Carry me down please?” Rubble responded watching a shit covered Twilight emerge from the pool with an absolutely feral scowl.

I turned around and squatted. “Alright climb on my back and don’t let go.”

“Alright, but if you drop me, Mike, I will make sure to haunt you until your death.” Rubble said slowly climbing onto my back.

“Don’t worry. Just land on Twilight! Oh and hold this.” I lifted him up and waved the book in his face.

“Huh, oh yeah.” He responded somehow grabbing the book with his hooves.

“Use your magic dumbass. You have to hold onto me too.” I walked over to the cliff and got another look of Twilight.

“Oh yeah.” Rubbles horn glowed a soft grew as the book was left levitating in the air as he held onto my back with his hooves.

“Maybe the lake would’ve been better.” Rubble muttered looking down as we began our descent.

“Oh please. I’m part monkey for a reason.” I began climbing down the cliff. ‘This is easier than I thought. I probably could have brought Twilight down too… Nah…’

“Any particular reason you despise her so much?” Rubble asked as we continued downward.

“Dude. She tried to kill me…”

“Oooooo, so that’s what the purple explosion was. She was streaming purple lighting at you right?”

“Yup! Hehe… and now we’re even.” I was making good time.

“Looks like we’re almost at the bottom,” Rubbled muttered sounding relieved. “So you’re using this book to find, eh. Mythril was it?”

“Yeah. We’re going to fix the weather problem.” I looked down. ‘Hmm… can I jump from here?’

“I see, and you really think it will work?”

“I hope so, else I’ll have to figure out a way to cast my own magic. Woah!” I jumped the few feet down.

“YOU!” The angry voice of Twilight promptly greeted our ears. “HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FALL ALONE INTO THIS UNFORGIVING FILTHY PIT OF SHIT!” Twilight continued her horn beginning to glow brightly with the tell-tale sign of magic.

“Twilight wait!” Rubble screamed jumping off my back with genuine panic on his face. “Don’t use your magic! You know how the enviornme-”

His cries fell on deaf ears as a very familiar stream of purple lightning began flying toward us. A stream that promptly dissipated into the air.

Rubble’s look of panic quickly turned to anger. “You’ve really bucked us over now Twilight!”

“What? How is Twilight not killing us a bad thing? I mean. She could have just destroyed the entire city with that.” I said pointing towards the methane emitting pool of shit that traveled below the city.

Suddenly swirls of large dark clouds began forming above us.

“That’s how she’s royally screwed us over Mike!” Rubble yelled pointing at the sky as a massive line of lightning split it in half. “Ever since the Weather orb, unicorn magic in certain areas causes a reaction to the environment creating catastrophic weather events like this!”

Rubble quickly ran over to Twilight and plonked her on the head with a hoof. “And because of YOU, we’re out in the open with no cover!”

Just as he finished speaking a huge bolt of lightning shot down into the pool shit sending it flying all over us.

“Well, this is some shitty weather! Get to the cliff!” I yelled quickly darting to the nearby rock wall.

“Twilight you idiot!” Rubbled screamed as the wind began to pick up.

“I’m sorry!” Twilight screamed quickly following after me.

“Well, this is Just great Isn’t it.” Rubble said as he leaned against the cliff.

“Not even 5 seconds out of the city and you’ve already created a tempes!”

Another lightning bolt steeked across the sky followed by a loud explosion. Looking up I could see a few pieces of debri flying out from the city.

“We’re fucked.”