How Luna Got Her Groove Back

by anonpencil

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Princess Luna, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Other, Porn, Sex, Fetish, Comedy, Random
Length: 6292

After over a thousand years without any use whatsoever, Luna's vagina has grown shut. Now, she needs to find a way to return it to its former glory.

Luna never would have suspected that an Alicorn's vagina could grow shut if it wasn't used at least once every thousand years or so. But now that it's somehow happened to her, she needs to find a way to make her nether bits "holey" again. She might even need someone to lend a hoof... or more accurately, a hand!

WARNING!: Contains dildos, fingering, fisting, pain, gross sexual humor, non-sexy sexual activity, and for the second part only, the name anon.

Written, with love, for NeighratorPony. I warned you I'd do this.

Published 2019-07-01 19:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-01 19:50:02 UTC

The Pressure Of A Grand Opening

~*~

Princess Luna wiggled her hips a little more, down closer to the mirror she was awkwardly positioning between her legs. Sure enough, it was just like the doctor had told her: The damn thing had closed right up. She’d never heard of something like that happening before, but the doctor had insisted that she no longer had a vaginal opening there. Even when she yelled at him that it was preposterous.

“WE HAVE ALWAYS HAD A HOLE DOWN THERE!” She had boomed authoritatively. “WE HAVE USED IT ON OCCASION IN THE PAST WITHOUT PROBLEM. YOU MUST JUST NOT BE LOOKING HARD ENOUGH!”

“…how long ago?” The doctor had asked while cowering under a desk in the corner of the room.

“WHAT?”

“H-how long ago did you last… er… use it?” he had stuttered out.

Here, Luna had been forced to give it some thought. It was before she was sent to the moon, and while she’d been with stallions in the past, she had used it for her own enjoyment more often in those days. After all, the nights were long and lonely. But once she had been sent to the moon, she had found that it wasn’t something she wanted to do. The moon was, in essence, and very dusty place, and if you thought getting sands in those folds while at the beach was bad? Hooo boy, was moon dust way worse. Totally destroyed any lewd feeling she might have considered.

“IT… has been a little over one thousand years,” she had said, a little more thoughtfully. “Why does that matter?”

“Well, we’ve only really seen it before in newborns,” the doctor explained, crawling out to stand on all fours once more. “But Congenital Absence of the Vagina is a real condition. And… well… most mares don’t exactly live as long as you. So this is entirely uncharted territory. But as it is with many physical abilities… my best guess is that it’s a use it or lose it kind of deal.”

“So. It just. Closed up? Because we weren’t… I wasn’t… putting anything in it?”

“It’s an educated guess, nothing more, Princess.” The doctor said, drawing back sharply as if afraid Luna would lash out again. “And only because you’ve been alive for so long, it’s something I suspect only alicorns would experience.”

“But my sister is my age, and she has never spoken of any difficulties!” Luna had scoffed. “Why should she be any different.”

“Well…”

She’d held up a hasty hoof then, to silence the doctor.

“On second though, we would prefer not to know. It would be adding insult to injury. What we do wish to know,” she went on, “is how we are to fix this little problem.”

“I’m sure we can create some surgical options.”

Luna had grimaced.

“Perish the thought, I cannot do that,” she said, shaking her head. “My dreams can create problems, and under the influence of anesthesia things get… very strange. Canterlot is still trying to rebuild its roadways after I had to get my wisdom teeth removed.”

“Then,” the doctor said, flushing deeply and beginning to sweat, “Uh… I do have one possible treatment. It might not work, I’m not certain but…”

He’d lifted a pen in his teeth and wrote down what she had originally thought was a prescription for some form of medicine. But she he’d passed over the slip of paper, she had seen she was mistaken. “Alternative medicine” was putting it lightly…

Now, as she crouched over awkwardly, peering down at her rarely-seen reflected nethers, she chewed her lip in thought. All of this felt so undignified. She wasn’t itching to give birth to a progeny, especially after she’d seen that thing that Cadance had popped out. She didn’t have any romantic partners. She didn’t even feel a need to raise her own moon really, if you caught the drift. So did she really need a vagina anyway?

But somehow, in the back of her mind, Luna felt incomplete. This hole, for what it was worth, was a part of her. It was something she had lost. And now, when she looked down only to see a mound with a thin, scar like seam running the length of her privates, she felt sad. She had enough things to feel sad about, and she didn’t need this one extra thing to be depressed over. Besides, maybe if she could get her vagina back, she could make sure to keep it from closing up again by storing her house keys in there or something.

Luna set down the mirror and stood up with a decisive nod. Yes, she would go on a mission. A mission to re-open her vagina, and she wouldn’t stop until she had achieved this.

She strode to the small, night-themed curio against one wall of her room, and picked up the slightly crumpled slip of paper the doctor had given her. Adeptly, she smoothed it against the wall and looked down the list of supplied for what she would need, as well as the directions. Honestly, she scarcely knew what some of these things were, but at least the good doctor had included at the bottom the names of a few stores she could go to in order to procure the items.

“Let’s see,” she mumbled to herself. “Water-based lubricant. I probably have some sort of tool lubricant here already, so I may not even need to buy that. A Vibrating personal massager of at least… goodness that sounds pretty big. A speculum… I don’t even know what that is.”

She let out a heavy sigh. The sun was well up, and it was far past her bed time, but she wanted to get started on this immediately if possible. So, instead of fretting and worrying, she moved one hoof carefully down line by line until it was at the first store name on the list.

“Well, alright,” Luna said in a resigned tone. “I’d best slip on something covert and go pay these ponies a visit. No need for me to broadcast my little problem. Or… lack thereof.”

Outside of the store, Luna couldn’t help but hesitate. The bold, red and orange sign on the outside of the building said “The Red Hot Filly Pepper” in neon letters, and did nothing to make the shop with blacked-out windows appear less intimidating. She reminded herself that this was what she had to do, and pulled up the collar of the trench coat a little higher before she put her dark sunglasses on, and trotted inside.

A bell on the door tinkled as she entered, and she was immediately hit by the overwhelming variety of objects that surrounded her. Long objects shaped like all manner of male and female genitalia lined the walls, under such brands as Doc Longson, Kitachi, Helo, Penga, Fug Factory, and more. A wall of small bottles advertising flavors like mint, cherry, and cinnamon bun stretched from floor to ceiling. In the back, a series of stands held magazines with brown or black paper over the covers, as well as movies with names that weren’t… exactly right somehow ( Luna didn’t think she’d ever heard of a film called Womb Raiders at least). It was a lot to take in, and behind her glasses, she stared at it all like a child who’d accidentally walked in on her childhood pets humping or something.

Before she could fully get her bearings, a smiling unicorn mare approached her. She was all white, and had a maroon and pink short-cropped mane, in a kind of punk hairstyle. On her flank was, appropriately, an image of two red peppers with yellow/orange accents.

“Hey there,” she said, sounding both peppy and sassy somehow, “I’m Cayenne, what can I help you with today miss…”

She abruptly trailed off, and her practiced polite smile fell away from her face. Her mouth popped open slightly, and Luna saw the mare’s blue-shadowed eyes trail up and down her form. Before Luna could think of anything to say to break the awkward silence, the other mare let out a startled sounding yelp.

“Y-YOU’RE PRINCESS LUNA!” she cried.

Luna held up both hooves to silence the mare, teeth bared in a grimace. Well, this wasn’t going as planned.

“Hush now, shhhhh,” she hissed, and Cayenne promptly shut her mouth. “We could appreciate some privacy in this matter.”

The other mare’s eyes widened.

“O-oh. Ooooooh got it. Right. Well, confidentiality is part of what we do here, so… not another word.”

She made a movement that mimed zipping her mouth shut, then gave Luna tight-lipped smile. The princess sighed.

“I wish many words from you actually. As I need some assistance. I am surprised, however, that you were able to recognize us.”

Cayenne blinked.

“Uh… but… I mean…”

“I was quite disguised,” Luna said with a frown. “I look like any other pony in this, do I not?”

The other mare looked from Luna’s horn, to the crown, to her extremely large stature, then to the glasses that the Princess was indicating.

“Y-yes, of course,” Cayenne stuttered out, smiling nervously. “It was just a lucky guess, for sure.”

“Ah, well. I congratulate you on your luck then,” Luna said with a sigh of relief. “Now, I have this list from a doctor of things to pick up. Can you assist?”

Luna handed Cayenne the slip of paper, and watched as the white unicorn eyed it, then peered cautiously back up.

“Uh… you say a doctor gave you this list?”

“Precisely that.”

“Man, I gotta get me this kind of doctor,” Cayenne said with a little laugh.

“I recommend him, he is quite competent.”

“S-sure… anyway, I can get you most of these things. But…” Cayenne stopped to peer closer at the paper, as if what was written there might change if she looked hard enough. “Are you sure these dimensions are correct?”

“It is what the doctor wrote, and I have said, aside from a perplexing stutter, he is quite competent.”

The other pony looked from the paper, then back to Luna, then down again, then back up at her appraisingly. But at last she shrugged and turned, giving Luna a little motion with her hoof that she should follow.

“We have only a few items this big around, but I can order something else if you’d like,” she said.

Luna shook her head.

“No need, I require these immediately. I’m sure whatever you have will do fine, we don’t require any extra bells or whistles.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” the unicorn said as they wove between two shelves, one marked ‘sexy board games’ and one marked ‘novelty candy,’ “Why is it that you switch between saying ‘we’ and ‘I’? Is it a royal thing or…”

“We have no idea what you mean. This has always been the way I have spoken.”

“…right, okay. Well… here we are,” Cayenne said, stopping before a small shelf in the corner.

On this shelf were five large phallic objects, as best as Luna could tell. Truth be told, she’d never even seen any male genitalia quite shaped like these items. She was fairly certain one was just a giant rubber dolphin, but decided not to ask, just in case she was wrong. The white unicorn gestured broadly at the small array before them.

“Like I said, not much,” she said lightly, “But this is what we have.”

“What… are they?” Luna said at last.

“Well, this one is the Caber Toss, and it’s made of carved wood. I know people who swear by that texture, but honestly, I worry about it warping when it gets too wet. Plus the vibrations feel weird through it, I honestly am, like, not a fan. I haven’t used the Echo, but it’s kind of a big seller from what I hear, even if it’s difficult to play with. That one is the Dragon’s Hoard. I don’t know if that’s what dragon dicks actually look like, but the ribbing half way down is pretty nice, if you can take it that far. That one is the Towering Timberwo-”

“And what of that one?” Luna asked abruptly, pointing to the one on the end that had caught her eye.

Cayenne turned her attention to what was easily the biggest toy on the shelf. As she regarded it, she cringed back slightly, as if afraid.

“Oh,” she said hollowly. “That one.”

Luna went over to it, and gently lifted the object into her hooves. It was weighty, and felt rubbery, but obviously had some sort of solid plastic and metallic core in the middle. It was all a shining black, and about the length of half of one foreleg, and easily just as big around. At the top was a large, clenched black fist, thumb folded strongly around each finger. The hefty thing felt solid. Effective. And just emanated power somehow.

“That one is called the Big Man Tyrone,” Cayenne said with a shudder. “I’ve… never used it. Honestly the fingers just give me the creeps. And when it’s turned on it’s… pretty intimidating.”

“Turned on?”

“Well, yeah. All of these have various vibration settings, and this one cycles through a few when you set it to the first mode, then stays on each mode individually each time you press the button.”

“Demonstrate,” Luna said commandingly.

The other pony looked hesitant, but at last she slowly set the implement on the ground, with the fist pumping upward from the base. Then, with one hoof, she hit a button near the base, and sprang back like a shot.

What happened next was unlike anything Luna had ever seen.

The black arm emitted a sound like an angry nest of well-armed military hornets, and began to shake all over. Surely, the sheer weight of the thing was the only way it was standing upright. Luna could feel the ground tremble beneath her hooves as the thing continued to vibrate, with the fist shaking back and forth angrily at her. Then, the buzzing changed slightly, and the fist cocked to one side like it was beginning a jaunty jig. As she watched, the fist began to rotate in a slow, shaking circle above the wrist, and its pace increased slightly until at last it snapped back upright. But it was not done yet. To her amazement, Luna saw the fist then retract inward slightly, and with a capocketa capocketa noise, it punched skyward, over and over again. It looked like it was cheering her on, but that it was furious about it. Before it could repeat the cycle, Cayenne darted in and mashed the button several times to make it stop, then jumped back again. The ground once again went still.

Luna realized that both she and the other pony were panting heavily, like they had gone through some sort of ordeal. And they had only been looking at the thing. She swallowed hard, then took a deep breath in and out to steady her nerves.

“So,” the other pony said between breaths, “as you can see, this one is probably not-”

“We like it!” Luna declared loudly. “We shall take it.”

"You... do?"

"Yes! It has such unrelenting fortitude and texture! And it is in a gesture of victory and power! Perfect for one so royal as I!"

Cayenne opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it and simply shook her head.

“Well, okay, guess alicorns are just… kinky like that,” she said with a sigh.

“It is true, my mane is often quite kinked in the morning.”

“…so, I’ll go get that rung up for you,” Cayenne said, putting on a bright and practiced smile. “It’s about 4,500 bits, which is at least a couple hundred cheaper than the Echo.”

Luna blinked, and her mouth dropped open in horror.

“THAT IS OUTRAGEOUS!” she roared in her royal Canterlot voice. “WE DO NOT EVEN GET THAT MUCH IN OUR ALLOWANCE FROM CELESTIA IN THREE MONTHS!”

“W-well we could put you on a line of credit? A payment plan” said the other mare, from where she was now hiding underneath a display of leather saddles and riding crops that said ‘Daddums’.

“NONSENSE! WE DO NOT NEED CREDIT! WE ARE A PRINCESS!”

“H-hey, I hear you, I do!” the other mare whimpered. “But it’s not up to me. Corporate decisions, you know? I’m not allowed to give things away, even to royalty. J-just doing my job!”

Luna glared down at the mare for a moment or two, then relaxed enough that the small storm clouds behind her dissipated. She let out a long, frustrated sigh, closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she was much calmer.

“I understand. But this is exactly what I need. It is the right dimension, it is a lovely color, and while the fingers may bother you, I think they seem… rather intriguing. But I have not the funds for it, so it seems. Still, I shall not feel whole or, er, hole until I use one of these implements of vibration as described in the doctor’s note!”

“You could try another one,” the mare said, climbing out and giving her a weak smile. “One smaller and… cheaper? Some cheap ones aren’t so bad, even the Buck Bullet brand!”

But Luna was already shaking her head.

“No, that won’t do. I need something like that. An arm, one that can… really give penetrating power. Something that can help open up… new worlds to us, so to speak. But one that isn’t so expensive! Wherever could I get such a thing.”

“I wish I could help but I… oh, hi Anon! Be with you in a second,” Cayenne said, her eyes staring briefly past Luna towards the section with magazines and videos.

Luna turned around and spotted a strange bipedal creature, one she had seen in town a few times before. He was flipping through the rack of magazines, scanning each one carefully before deftly moving his fingers onto the next. Luna watched his hand as it moved, and a slow smile began to spread across her face.

“Like I said,” the white unicorn said sadly, “I truly do wish I could help you out.”

“Oh,” Luna said softly, a laugh in the back of her tone. “I believe you just have.”

~*~

Author's Note

Big. Man. Tyrone.

That is all.

The Handy Man

~*~

To be honest, all you had wanted was a little bit of porn.

Really. That’s all. It’s been a long day, you’re tired of dealing with the world’s bullshit, and you just want to go get something new to stare at, preferably something with breasts, and then jack off in the privacy of your armchair at home. Living in Equestria has made you miss breasts terribly. Generally, you weren’t actually a fan of giant tits, but here there’s nothing. Just… nothing. Ponies have tiny little mosquito-bite nipples, and cow udders are as close to actual breasts are you can get anymore. Unfortunately, you’re not into motor-boating cow teats.

Not after that last time. Applejack still has a restraining order against you for her entire farm. Really sucks during cider season.

With that in mind, and no Internet, you go for the next best thing: physical copies of Porn. And the one Canterlot adult store has seen so much of you for that purpose, that the pony who works there knows you by name. So you’re not surprised when she calls to you to say hello when she spots you by the magazine rack.

What does surprise you is the look of the mare who turns to stare at you right after that. You pretend not to look, but you can feel her eyes moving over your body searchingly, like she’s trying to decide if she knows you. Truth be told, you’re pretty much doing the same thing. In that brief look you got of her, you’re pretty sure she’s not just a normal pony. She’s also dressed… super weird. Like, in a bad disguise out of a noir film. Also, she’s huge. Way bigger than normal ponies, and that would mean she’s…

“GREETINGS ANON!” a voice explodes in your face.

You give a quiet guttural cry of shock and stagger back, blinking as you focus on the large mare who has spoken. At this point, recognition does click in your mind.

“P-princess Luna?” you stammer.

“Correct!” the mare says, much quieter. “My you are quite bright to recognize me, or was it our royal Canterlot voice that gave us away?”

“Uh, yes. It was… the voice. Let’s go with that.”

“I must be more careful in the future,” Luna says with a grim nod. “But besides all that, how are you? What brings you to such a place as this?”

“Uhhhhh…” You say, slowly moving your hands behind your back to hide the copy of ‘Big Boobie Brumbies’ you’re holding. “Just… taking a look around. And stuff. What brings you here, your highness?”

The princess waves her hoof in front of her face as if batting away an annoying fly.

“No formalities here, Anon, call me Luna. And I am here because I have a doctor’s note that needs to be filled. I have some of the supplies, but I lack others.”

You stare at her, trying to figure out what she could possibly mean by this. Is… is this some kind of roleplay thing? Is she into medical play? Not exactly your cup of tea, but kinda hot in concept at least. Or maybe she’s dating a doctor, and he wants to get freaky? Either way, better not to pry.

“Ah, I see,” you say, pretending to know exactly what she’s talking about. “That’s kind of a bummer.”

“Indeed so. But I believe you may be able to assist me where this shop’s supply of implements may not.”

Again, it takes a while for the wheels in your brain to lube up and get turning. You can assist her? Involving… stuff from this shop? Is… is Princess fucking Luna hitting on you? Is she asking you to do kinky things with her? Screw whatever you said before, you’ll definitely play doctor with her if she asks!

“Oh?” you say, you voice subconsciously dropping to a low, sensual tone. “What do you mean?”

“I would request,” Luna says calmly, even though there’s a slight blush in her cheeks, “that you return with me to my castle. There, you can help me with a little problem I have, if you are willing. If you would require payment…”

And now she’s offering to pay YOU? I mean, you never thought you’d so willingly be a whore, but the idea of getting’ some dosh and some pussy at the same time sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Nevertheless, you hold up a hand, which she watches longingly as it moves through the air.

“No need for that. I’ll go back with you, if you’re sure you want me to.”

You always give them the first taste for free. That’s how you get them coming back for more.

Luna’s face lights up brilliantly, and she reaches up to grab your shoulders in a near hug. You’re surprised by how strong her grip is, especially considering she has hooves.

“Oh thank you, Anon!” she exclaims, “This will be a truly wonderful night! I must purchase a few preparations, and then you can follow me back to my abode. I won’t be more than a few minutes.”

And with that, she turns and trots away to the front corner, where that white unicorn salespony is waiting, looking more than a little frazzled for some reason. You watch her more-than-generous rump sway as she moves away, considering that even without tits, she looks like she might be a pretty good time. It’s probably at least better than what you already had planned tonight.

Speaking of which, you hold your smutty magazine out in front of you to look down at it. Like a father gently patting the head of his firstborn, you rest your hand on the well-breasted girl on the cover, then set it neatly back in the display it came from.

“Not today, old friend,” you murmur. “But probably tomorrow.”

You follow Luna into her bedroom, completely unable to hide the big ass grin plastered all over your face. You can’t even remember the last time you got laid, or did anything sexual at all, to be honest, and you are so ready for that to change.

She leads you by your hand, which she is squeezing tightly, over to the bed. She then sets down her bag of mysterious items by the side of it, releases your hand, and climbs up seductively onto the bed. At least you think it’s seductively. It’s hard to tell, you’re so wound up right now pretty much everything is turning you on. You’re pretty sure the act of her putting her key into the front door lock made you pop a stiffy a few moments ago.

Now though, when she turns to face you, you’re pretty damn sure there was some kind of intent with her movements. Her cheeks are rosy, she’s biting her lower lip, and her eyes are half shut. Even though the last time you got laid you were so inexperienced that you barely knew what an Alabama hotpocket was until suddenly it was happening, you can still recognize that this is a ‘come fuck me’ face. Oh yeah, daddy is gettin’ some tonight.

“Do you still wish to assist me, Anon?” Luna says in a low tone.

“I am ever at your service,” you say, forcing yourself not to end that sentence with ‘my lady’ like a moron.

“Good. Then I would ask you to…”

“Yes?” you whisper suggestively, your tone low and seductive.

You walk towards her as she rolls onto her side, batting her long dark eyelashes at you. She spreads her legs a little as you lean forward towards her, then looks away sharply, her cheeks flushing deeply.

“I would like you to use your hand on me,” she mumbles out.

Okay, well, that’s not exactly dick-in-vagina exciting, but it’s a start. Besides, with all the gaming you did on earth, you’ve surely developed the hand muscles to get this mare squirming. R-right? That’s true, isn’t it? You haven’t been lying to yourself for years, right? RIGHT?

“Of course,” you say suavely.

You lift your hand to slide your fingers over her inner thigh, but she giggles and gently brushes you away.

“You are supposed to use lubricant,” she says with a short laugh. “There is some in the bag, I hope it is a kind you are familiar with.”

Again, not what you planned, but maybe she gets super dry or something. After all, she’s god-knows how old at this point, maybe she needs a little extra lubing up. Does that make her a cougar, you wonder as you reach into the bag and fish around until you find a small silvery plastic bottle.

You scan the name quickly, and see that it’s a cherry pie flavored lubricant. Seems like an appropriate joke, but you get the feeling that Luna probably didn’t knowingly pick this flavor for its name. You get the sense that she’s kind of new at this… whatever this is. Either way, you’re willing to play.

You give her a smirk as you open the top of the bottle and pour some of it over your fingers, then slowly rub it all over your hand for good measure, until you are slug-levels of slimy. For good measure, you waggle an eyebrow at her suggestively and lick the area between your first two fingers. She bites her lower lip as you do this, so you know you’re having an affect.

…well, that absolutely tastes like someone dipped a cherry into an entire bucket of motor oil.

“Mnh,” you manage to say as you suppress the urge to vomit, “sweet.”

“Now,” Luna says gently. “Come over here and put that hand to good use.”

She doesn’t have to tell you twice, and you stride over to the bed. This time, as you run your slick hand up the inside of her velvet-soft indigo blue thighs, she parts them more and more for you. You inch closer to where her inseams meet, creeping up to touch the… touch the…

Wait a minute.

Trying to maintain your smile, you look down at where your hand is searching between her now wide-spread legs. Aaaaaaaand… there’s nothing there.

Nope.

Not a thing.

You can sort of see the area where an opening might have been, but instead all you can find is a thin seam, sort of looking like the one on your taint that you, for a long time, thought was where your parents had your balls removed and replaced with kumquats. Kids at school are mean, and surprisingly good liars. Anyway, there are no lips here, though you know horses don’t exactly have those, and there’s no clit. No labia. No nothing. Just a thin, slightly more pale blue seam, just above her anus.

“What the fuck,” you say flatly, more numb than anything else.

You notice the princess frown out of your peripheral vision as you continue to stare at the vagina that is not.

“Is there a problem,” she says.

“Well yeah.”

“Which is?”

“What do I… what do I do here, Luna. Help a guy out.”

“You just put your hand inside me,” she says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

“…how.”

“As one does, I suppose,” she says with a sigh. “A fist would probably be more usable, based on what we saw in the implement shop earlier today.”

“…you want me to fist you? Like… in the ass?”

Luna narrows her eyes at you and grimaces back like she’s been slapped.

“Oh never, Anon! That is where I defecate from.”

“Then… where.”

“In my vagina.”

“...What vagina?” you finally blurt out.

It's probably the least sexy thing you've ever said, but in this case, the situation calls for it. Here, Luna closes her legs slightly and gives a weighty harrumph of frustration.

“It seems to have grown closed over the years, and I am relying on you now to open it for me. I am sorry if this is too much of an imposition, but it may also be considered your duty, as a citizen of this country, and I am your royal ruler.”

“I think that’s Celestia.”

“We are both rulers,” she snaps, “And I am asking you to perform a noble service for me.”

You reach up and massage the bridge of your nose, an action you immediately regret as the lube immediately coats parts of your face like a fruity-smelling amoeba.

“Let me get this straight,” you say slowly. “You want me to… make you a new vagina? With my fist?”

“That is correct,” Luna says.

“So I just… jam it in there, or try to pry it apart or…?”

“I should think,” she says slowly. “That gradual pressure should do the trick.”

You know, you didn’t sign up for this. You don’t really know what’s going on here, and you are ill prepared for any situation like this. You barely understand that sex means to insert tab B into slot A, and you definitely don’t know anything about forming a new vaginal cavity for a magical horse princess. But at the same time… if you pull this off, you know it’s bragging rights for life. That you pleased a woman so hard that she grew a whole new damn pussy. And that, to you, is worth the effort.

You shrug your shoulders and again lean over the alicorn mare. The mood now pretty officially ruined, you once more try to slide your hand up her leg in a seductive way, but you’re pretty sure you’re just smearing lube all over the place at this point. Luna doesn’t seem to mind, but her smile is less seductive now. More grim. Like this is a mission she has to fulfill, and is trying to appear comforting about that matter.

As your fingers reach the seam where a pussy should be, you begin to apply gentle pressure. Oh god, the seam feels weird. Honestly, it’s like you’re just pressing down on somebody’s armpit, and don’t ask how you know that. Family reunions are weird. You glance up at Luna’s face to see if she’s enjoying this, but she seems more annoyed than anything else. You press harder, but still nothing happens.

“We suggest you use your fist,” she says flatly.

“I figured you might want a warm up to…. You know… loosen you up.”

“Loosen what up, Anon?”

“Okay good point.”

You make a fist with your lubed up hand, and place it over the center of the scar-like line. Then you slowly apply force behind it, feeling the skin give a little in a fleshy pudding kind of way. Still, nothing magically seems to open or envelop you.

“Are you putting enough pressure?” Luna asks, sounding downright bored.

“I’m trying,” you grunt, as you begin to put your actual weight behind it.

Luna grits her teeth and seems to be in some discomfort as you lean against her resistant nethers, but you keep pushing. Just gotta get it open, just have to make a dent here. Then you can maybe put your dick inside, or at least get paid. You wonder if that money is still on the table, it could definitely buy some decent porn.

“Perhaps you should use a speculum?” she asks.

“I don’t even know what that is,” you growl out as your forehead begins to sweat.

“Nor do I, but the doctor said…”

“Do you want me to do this or not?!” you practically shout.

You’re not in the best shape, and this is getting tiresome. Your arm is beginning to feel sore, and this isn’t getting anywhere. You’re sweating, but this vagina won’t open up and say hello, no matter how you push! You begin to make small jabs as you lean your body weight against it, like you’re kneading bread dough. Luna visibly winces from unease.

“Anon, this is beginning to hurt us!”

“You said you wanted to do this, and I’m doing what you said!”

“Well do it faster! Get it over with!”

“I can’t!” you shout, now practically pistoning at her pelvis with one hand.

“DO IT!”

“I’M DOING EVERYTHING I CAN!”

You’re sweating heavily now. As you apply pressure you can feel pressure on yourself too. Are you even a real man? Why can’t you get it in? Oh god, your cousin was right, you’ll never satisfy a real woman!

“JUST DO IT, ANON!” Luna yells now, her royal Canterlot voice beginning to show.

“I’M TRYING!”

“DO IT!” she shouts at you in her full, commanding fury. “GIVE US A VAGINA, THAT IS A ROYAL ORDER!”

You rear back your fist, letting out a guttural, primal cry. Every bit of testosterone in your body collects and directs itself with one singular goal in mind, all powering up your fist to its final form. You fold your thumb across your knuckles, prepare yourself to brace at the moment of impact, and with a long, unending scream, you drive your entire arm forward right between Luna’s legs.

“FALCON PUNCH!” you scream out like a complete imbecile, but it just feels right to yell it somehow.

Your hand makes contact with the flesh, and with a sound like tearing fabric, her vagina splits open down the seam. Luna lets out a scream of pain and horror, and claps both her front hooves towards her mare bits, falling to the side and writhing in obvious agony. You hand pulls back, dripping yellow from what must be thousands of years of pent-up pussy juice, as you watch Luna just convulsing on the bed, her new vagina open and angry like an axe wound.

You stand there, fist still poised in the air as if you’re afraid the pussy will fight back, panting heavily. For a moment, your brain forgets to work, but when you come back to yourself you feel every emotion at once. What. Have you. Done. You’re proud, ashamed, horrified, relieved, and terrified about what has just occurred. But your brain does at least agree entirely on one basic course of actions.

“So…uh… I’m gonna go,” you say slowly, stepping backwards towards the door, and away from the still moaning, incapacitated princess on the bed. “Hope that you… er… enjoy your new vagina. I’m… I’m just gonna head out now. Talk… talk to you later. Maybe. Uh. Bye.”

And with that, you slip out her bedroom door and slam it shut, then sprint as fast as you can down the castle steps and out into the city streets outside. Eyes still wild, hand still slick with goop and lube, you turn your steps towards where you came from, and start numbly walking.

In the back of your mind, there is one faint hope remaining: Maybe the adult store is still open. Your night didn’t go as planned until this point, but there’s still time to pick up some porn, anything but fisting stuff, and go home, and jack off. Trying to do anything more arduous today would probably just be overplaying your hand.

-END-

Author's Note

Pro-tip: If you ask me to write a story based on a title prompt... probably specify that it SHOULDN'T be porn... otherwise... this happens.

NP, I hope you love it.
Or hate it.
Both are good.

-pencil:heart: