Applejack's Tax Relief Plan

by Seether00

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, Main 6, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 5326

Behind on taxes, Applejack has to come up with bits fast. Luckily, she has Big Macintosh to help out

Applejack gets an unwelcome visit from the Equestrian Revenue Service. Handed a large tax bill and limited time to pay, Applejack comes up with a creative use of the farm's biggest asset.

No, not the apple trees.

Why Big Macintosh of course.

Can Big Mac save Apple Bloom's college fund?

Read and find out.
Now with dramatic readings!
Reading 1
and
Reading 2

Featured on Equestria Daily 8-25-2012

Credit for the cover art goes to cassie-chan55

Published 2012-08-13 20:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-13 20:14:01 UTC

Tax and Friend

Applejack's Tax Relief Plan

If the apple trees of Sweet Apple Acres could feel emotions, they would take offense to the coarse language coming from their orange caretaker sitting at the picnic table. The bespectacled grey unicorn sitting across from her, however, remained unfazed.

“Back taxes, we don’t owe no back taxes!” yelled Applejack while pounding her hoof on the table.

“I am afraid the audit is accurate, Miss Apple,” stated Mr. Sunshine in a calm Canterlot accent. Admittedly, the name did not match his duties as an auditor 1st class of the Equestrian Revenue Service, but he dressed in a sharp black tie and collar combination to compensate for it.

“Your tax filings have been incorrect for the past five years, it seems. Technically, since you signed the forms as legitimate, what you have done could be construed as a crime.”

Applejack narrowed her eyes at the ERS agent. “Are you call’en me a liar? Cause Ah filled them there forms myself and my signature is as good as my word,” she said in a tone which promised retribution upon anypony who questioned Apple family honesty.

“No Miss Apple, I am not calling you a liar. I am merely stating that you may not be well versed in accounting, specifically when it relates to the tax code.”

“So y'all call’en me dumb, or uneducated? Ah’ll tell you wat, Ah’ve been runnin this here farm since Ah was a young’un. Ah know wat comes in and wat goes out, money wise. So ya’ll see why Ah think you’re mistaken.”

“Keeping track of inventory is quite different from filing taxes for your business and that is what Sweet Apple Acres is, Miss Apple. A business. As such, it falls under the small business branch of the ERS. The rules, I will admit, are complex. I am not here to be your enemy. We at the ERS simply want what is owed and not a bit more. I was sent here to help you determine what your farm owes, and see to it that you do not repeat these same mistakes in the future. Auditing hard working individuals, such as yourself, is no fun for me either. So I kindly ask you to take that chip off your shoulder and let me do my job.”

Applejack knew when she was licked. Visibly deflated, her posture changed to one of resignation. “Ah apologize, Mr. Sunshine. Ya gotta understand this whole thing’s been mighty stressful for me. What should Ah do?”

“Well, the first reasonable thing would be to get an accountant on retainer. There is a local one by the name of Bond Matrix. He handles the tax fillings for most of the small businesses in Ponyville. Trust me when I say that he’ll get you every deduction to which you’re entitled.”

“And maybe to a few you're not,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Well alright, Ah’ll go make an appointment with him first thing tomorrow. Now what damages we lookin at?”

“1000 bits.”

“1000 bits?!” cried Applejack, grabbing her hat, lest it fly away.

“And there is interest if you don’t pay within two months.”

“Interest?!” she exclaimed in disbelief.

“The interest rate is determined quarterly, and is the national short-term rate plus 3 percent, compounded daily, plus penalties for late payment.”

Applejack’s world started to spin and she lay her head on the table for fear of collapsing.

“Miss Apple, please, there is no need for hysterics. Just pay the amount due before the deadline and you will be in the clear. It is as simple as that.”

Applejack didn’t bother lifting her face and just mumbled to herself. “How are we supposed to raise the money? Only a quarter of the trees are ripe for bucking right now. Cider season’s a ways off, and forget about zap apple jam. How are we gonna raise the funds in time?”

Mr. Sunshine had already gotten up, magically packing his saddlebags and collecting the papers spread out on the table. “That is a question you are going to have to find the answer to yourself, Miss Apple. Have a nice day.”

Leaving a shell shocked Applejack to her worries, Mr. Sunshine trotted towards the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres, to Ponyville proper.

I wish I could bring a smile to at least one pony while doing my job. Bring some “sunshine”…

As soon as he thought the word, a pink maned head popped out of a nearby flower pot .

“Sunshine!” it sang, as if in chorus. The grinning face promptly disappeared back into the flower pot, defying all laws of physics. In fact, if there were a physics police, they would be serving the pink pony an arrest warrant on the spot.

Now, most ponies would have been perturbed by this strange occurrence. Some may have had a mental breakdown, while others may have blocked it out of their minds altogether. Not Mr. Sunshine. He remained ever unflappable.

Nothing shakes the resolve of an agent of the Equestrian Revenue Service.

Nothing.

Twilight levitated a glass of iced tea to Applejack’s spot at the table in the Books and Branches library. Joining them were Spike and Pinkie Pie, each sipping on their own beverages and helping themselves from a tray of Pinkie Pie’s petit fours.

“These are really good, Pinkie,” said Spike, chewing one the delectable treats. “I didn’t know you knew Prench pastry.”

Pinkie shrugged. “Mrs. Cake said we needed to change our menu a little and these are popular right now. Besides,” she said placing two of the rectangles on her tongue and swallowing. “It never hurts to learn new things!”

“Pinkie’s table manners aside," Twilight giggled, "I think we need to refocus. Applejack, I am guessing the audit didn’t go well...how bad was it?”

Applejack looked down at the table. “The family’s got to come up with one thousand bits in two months or things start to go down faster than an eagle swoopin’ for a rattlesnake.”

“Wow! That is like five hundred cupcakes! Or one thousand cookies! Or a bazillion candies! Or―”

“Yes, Pinkie,” interrupted Twilight, “It’s a lot of money. We get it. What are you going to do, Applejack?”

“Ah...ah don’t really know Twi’. We simple don’t have too many products to sell right now. This tax thing has hit at the worst possible time. And Ah don wanna dip into our savings. That’s Applebloom’s college fund right there. It’s mah own fault. If Ah had’n been so stubborn and listened to Big Macintosh, we would have gotten a proper accountant. Now we’re in a right mess.”

“Twilight?” asked Pinkie. “Couldn’t you write the Princess and just, like, have her drop AJ’s debt?” Pinkie jumped onto the table, throwing her hooves wildly. “She could be all like zap, boom, straight to the moon for those ERS meanies!”

The librarian shook her head sadly. “The Equestrian Revenue Service is not a laughing matter, Pinkie. They ensure all parts of the government are funded. Without the ERS, parks would close, schools wouldn’t be able to hire teachers, roads and bridges wouldn’t be maintained...and worst of all, libraries would be defunded.” She shuddered at the thought. “Everypony is required to pay their taxes, even the Princesses.”

Pinkies eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, what? Wouldn’t that mean the Princesses are paying themselves? I thought they are like the head of the government and stuff.”

“The Princesses don’t get a salary, Pinkie, and they aren’t allowed to spend taxpayer money on themselves. Most, if not all of their income comes from the rent and sale of land that’s been gifted to them over the years. Lots of ponies used to believe that gifting their land or estate to the Royal Pony sisters guaranteed them passage to the Eternal Pasture when they passed away. The belief is still strongly held in many parts of Equestria. The Princesses usually don’t even want the land and try to sell it as soon as possible. The amount of transactions makes for a huge headache come tax time.” Twilight gave a smile. “Princess Celestia always does her own taxes every year, saying: ‘It’s a way to feel the pain of my subjects.’ She can be pretty stubborn about it. When I was studying in Canterlot, tax season was the only time I ever saw her really stressed out and close to throwing a tantrum. She wouldn’t even let me help. Actually, she had a saying: ‘Nothing is certain except death and taxes. Unless you’re me and stuck with the worse of the two.’

“I still don’t understand why she couldn’t just tell them to go to the moon. She’s the raiser of the Sun for cookie’s sake!”

“Nope, even Princess Celestia fears the ERS. Sometimes she regrets allowing its creation. ERS agents are relentless and will pursue anypony across time and space to collect every bit owed. The ERS is, in a sense, immortal and will never die as long as Equestria stands. The only time Princess Celestia really put her hoof down was when they sent Princess Luna a notice for taxes accrued over the last thousand years. She even joked that if Nightmare Moon had taken over, the ERS would have immediately gone after her for back taxes.”

Pinkie had on an expression of deep thought. “Hmmmm…”

The throne room in Canterlot was in shambles, through the windows only dark clouds swirling in the night sky could be seen. Princess Celestia lay on the floor in front of a raised dais. Ropes of dark purple energy held the bruised and battered alicorn. Nightmare Moon stood haughtily over her defeated foe.

“Finally sister, you have lost! Now truly, the night shall last, FOREVER!!!” Lighting and thunder struck as she raised her wings cackling madly.

“You will never get away with this Nightmare Moon. Equestria will not fall,” gasped the princess.

“I believe you are mistaken, dear sister. Soon, all your former subjects will worship their new queen, and―”

Her gloating was cut short by the snap of a teleportation. Appearing in front of the dark alicorn was Mr. Sunshine, still sporting his sharp as all hell tie and collar combination.

“I apologize for interrupting, but did you state you are Queen of Equestria now?”

“Yes! I am now your ruler! Bow before my power! Muhahahaha!”

“Very good. Mr. Sunshine, Auditor 1st Class,” he introduced himself. “I represent the Equestrian Revenue Service. Now, there is a matter of your back taxes.” His horn glowed and a large stack of papers suddenly fell next to Nightmare Moon.

“What is this?! You dare mock your sovereign?! Even your name is an affront to me! BEGONE!” she grabbed the auditor with her star filled mane and flung him out of the nearest window.

“Now that was hardly called for, Highness,” calmly stated Mr. Sunshine, having teleported back to his original location, with nary a scratch.

“What-but how?!” sputtered the shocked monarch.

Two more ponies teleported into the throne room.

“Now, your majesty, let us get started. If you would refer to box 3a on form 4017, you can start calculating your withholding,” said the second Mr. Sunshine.

“Then we can move on to deductions,” said the third, levitating some scrolls and a calculator.

“Wait-I don’t, where did you?!”

“Maybe we should go over your capital gains,” a fourth copy stated, appearing behind her with another stack of papers.

More and more Mr. Sunshines appeared, surrounding the now panicked queen. She found herself assaulted with terms such as alternate minimum, capital interest and adjusted gross income. Attempting to take flight only found her trapped under a lattice of grey magic generated by the swarm of tax collectors.

“What-what do you want from me?!” she cried.

“We only want what is owed,” said the swarm in one voice. They moved closer. “We want what is owed. Prepare to be audited.”

Nightmare Moon could do nothing but cower as she was engulfed in paperwork.

“Pinkie?” Spike tried waving a claw in front of the mare’s eyes. “Hello? You there?”

For the last five minutes Pinkie Pie had been staring at the back wall.

Twilight finished clearing the table. “I think we lost her, Spike. Anyway, AJ, what I think you should do is come up with some alternative products to sell. It’s just going to require some out-of-the-box thinking.”

Applejack got up and made her way to the door. “Ya’ll be right, Twi’light. I’m gonna go out and do some rumina’ten. Thanks for tea.”

Seated at her family stall in the middle of Ponyville market, Applejack was bored. There simply hadn’t been much in the way of sales today; even the hoof traffic around the market in general was low. Letting out a yawn, she let her gaze drift over to the flower stall run by the three flower sisters. All three were talking quite animatedly.

‘Wonder what they're all gossipin about’ thought the farm pony. Taking a break, she made her way to within earshot of the three mares.

“So I was on my morning jog today and was going by Sweet Apple Acres and guess who I saw?” spoke an excited Roseluck.

“Applejack?” offered Lily.

“No, it was Big Macintosh!” Roseluck said with a squee.

“So? We see him bring in Applejack’s stock every day. Why was today special?” inquired Daisy.

“He was plowing one of the fields.”

“Ooohhh” cooed the two other mares.

“Was he all sweaty?” tittered Lilly.

“Mmhmm, and his muscles were all straining against his coat. Oh it was so beautiful...and kinda hot.”

“How long did you watch?”

“Only a few moments. He would have saw me if I stopped and stared. Not that I didn’t want to. I could sit and watch that stallion work all day.”

“Yeah, I would pay good money to see that,” said Daisy dreamily.

“Me too” agreed Lily.

The three shared a collective sigh, fantasizing about the big red workhorse.

Applejack rubbed a hoof on her chin, forming an idea.

Hmmm… Good money ehh?

SWEET APPLE ACRES + BIG MAC FUNDRAISER
Come see amazing feats of sweaty stallions

Applejack looked up at the banner hanging over the entrance of the farm. It wasn’t the best name she could have come up with. That didn’t seem to deter the crowd of mares forming around her makeshift ticket booth. A chalkboard listed the ticket prices and the rules for the show:

15 bits for admission
Limited spots per viewing
Mares only
No Touching!*
*15 bits for the special ‘treatment’

“Alright everypony, we are sold out for the first show.” There was a rumble of discontent from the crowd. “Now don’t worry. Applebloom will book ya'lls' reservations for the rest of the week.”

Letting her little sister replace her at the counter, Applejack went to the barn to check on the final preparations.

She found her elder brother pacing the barn floor. “I don’t know about this AJ. All your friends are gonna be stare’n at me.”

She understood why he was nervous. Her brother had always been on the shy side. She approached him in a soft tone, “Now don’t y’all fret, sugar cube. Just treat it like a normal work day on the farm. Besides, Ah got RD working security. She won’t let anythin’ get outta hoof.”

Her words reassured Big Mac a little. “Alright AJ. Ah trust you,” nodded the stallion, sharing a brief nuzzle with his sister.

With Applebloom’s help that morning, Applejack had set up a series of stations around the farm. Each stop was marked with a sign naming the activity. Big Mac was to perform the task while the spectators watched from behind a roped area. Trotting to the first station revealed the first group of customers. Wanting to make the first show more comfortable for her brother, AJ sold the first couple of tickets to her closest friends and the remainder on a first come, first serve basis. She counted eight mares in total.

Twilight had a notebook and pencil ready to ‘document the physical workings of the stallion physique’ as she put it. Rarity was wearing a large yellow sunhat and a camera around her neck. An elegant paper fan floated next to her, gently pushing a delightful breeze her way. Pinkie already had a tub of popcorn out and a soda bottle stuck in her mane.

Most surprising was the appearance of Fluttershy. The timid pegasus had shown up saying she was happy to help out a friend, though she still hid behind her pink hair as the stallion approached. Rounding out the group were the flower sisters and, oddly enough, Derpy. Rainbow Dash hovered nearby wearing sunglasses and a black t-shirt with ‘security’ written in large white letters.

“Alrighty then. Ready to go, Mac?”, Applejack asked, giving Mac a gentle pat on the shoulder.

“Eeyup”’

Station #1
Warm up and stretching

Big Mac tried to ignore the eyes staring at him but he kept getting the feeling he was being viewed as some sort of prey and these mares were the wolves. Letting out a long breath, he calmed himself and started his morning routine. First came some light running in place; he just wanted to get the blood pumping. Next he dropped to the ground and executed a set of thirty push ups. The audience giggled in enjoyment at this activity, their faces following the workhorse’s flank as it moved up and down, his shoulders rippling with just a hint of effort.

His warm up complete, Mac started his stretches. He stood up on his hind legs and bent his for forelegs left to right overhead. Lowering himself to the ground, spreading his backlegs, he slowly slid his upper body forward till the hooves of his forelegs touched the grass.

“Oh, I had no idea Macintosh was so flexible. Perhaps he would be interested in joining me for yoga.”

“Well, flexibility is important in preventing injury, Rarity. According to “Flexibility for the Inflexible”, he should be holding each pose for ten seconds. His technique appears correct.” Twilight continued scribbling notes.

“Hey, I am super-duper stretchy; maybe it was the fruit of the gumgum tree I ate as a child.”

“Pinkie, what’s a gumgum fruit?”

“I have no idea Twilight”

Station #2
Applebucking

Several baskets had been placed around an apple tree, its branches teeming with the red fruits of the stallion’s namesake. Big Mac took careful aim, lifted his back legs and gave a mighty buck.

Thump

A cascade of apples fell from the branches, filling the waiting baskets. Usually Mac would clear a tree in one buck, but AJ told him to hold back in order to give the girls a show.

Thump

Big Mac’s hindquarters flexed with effort, the fibers of his large muscles clearly showing through his coat. He continued, each kick soliciting “ooh”s and “aah”s from his appreciative audience. Rarity was fanning herself with increasing speed, Twilight was furiously sketching Big Mac’s hindquarters, labeling each muscle group. Fluttershy was out from behind her mane, unable to avert her gaze from the workhorse’s glutes as they coiled and bunched before each blow.

“Oh…Oh my.. is anypony else, umm, feeling a little warm? If you don’t mind me asking....”

“I am with you darling...oh look at him go. He looks like he could go for hours…” Rarity trailed off, her eyes sparkling.

“He makes me want to bake apple-cinnamon muffins,” said Derpy hungrily.

Station #3
Plowing

Applejack helped her brother hook up his collar to a waiting plow in the southern fields. Rows of tilled earth marked where Big Mac left off yesterday. Satisfied he was harnessed securely, he started pulling the blade through the earth. It was harder than usual, Applejack having replaced the usually sharp plow blade with a dull one. Big Mac was really working up a good lather now. His hair matted on his neck and head, forcing him to give it a flick to keep the sweat out of his eyes. Beads of perspiration trickled down his cannonball like shoulders, trailing down to his flaring calves.

At this point all the mares were blushing and appeared rather excited. The flower sisters’ tongues were hanging out, eyeing his flanks hungrily. Fluttershy’s wings were at full attention, forcing some reshuffling of viewing positions.

“I wonder how much torque he is generating. Do you think he would be interested in me helping run some experiments in the basement? Umm...for purely scientific purposes of course…” Twilight smiled sheepishly, unable to get rid of the involuntary blush that graced her cheeks.

“Of course darling, we all know what you mean. No need to be embarrassed.”

“Oh my yes, umm...I may need to take a shower after this…EEP! I didn’t mean to say that out loud! Oh this is so embarrassing.”

“WE TOO ARE GREATLY AROUSED!”

Everypony turned to find Princess Luna flying above them. They were so surprised they even forgot to bow or cower in fear.

“Princess Luna? What are you doing here?” inquired Twilight Sparkle.

“We begged our sister for a day off. We required an escape from Canterlot. Thee be lucky out in the country, for the city be infested with weak minded leeches, who wish to suck the life blood from our bosom. Fie! Lo our bosom be plentiful, we only wish to share our bounty with the worthiest of our subjects!”

“So you want to share your bosom with us?” Pinkie said covering her mouth, barely containing her laughter.

“Pinkie! Show some respect,” scolded Rarity crossly. “Don’t mind her, your Highness. We would all be honored to, er, accept your um, bos- I mean bountiful bos- er I mean your blessing!”

Luna landed and crossed over to Applejack, who gave the night princess her best curtsy.

“Rise, fair Applejack. Thy formality is not required by us.”

“Well thank ya kindly, Princess. You here for the show?”

“Aye. We were flying overhead when we spied thine sibling putting on this great display of stallion vigor. Verily we feared such spectacles lost in this modern age. Honest Applejack, name thy price for your thine brother, we would take him with us.

“Beg ya pardon?”

“We wish to purchase thy brother’s services.”

“Sorry Princess, but Ah’m pretty sure slavery ended a long time ago.”

“Neigh, yee misunderstand. It would only be for a short period. We would pay yee the standard inconvenience fee.”

“A what fee?”

“An inconvenience fee Applejack,” Twilght interrupted, trotting over, apparently happy to give a lecture. “It’s a law dating back to old Equestria. When a commoner was requested for royal business, the family was compensated for the value of work lost. It was most commonly used in the farming communities, when they were drafted into the army, but it could be for any task really. I haven’t heard of it being used in recent times though.”

“Yes, name thy price Applejack, you will find us most generous. It is a great honor we bestow upon thy family with this request.”

“Well that’s a mighty tempt’en offer Princess,” AJ said while rubbing the back of her neck, “but these mares already paid for their tickets, and it wouldn't rightly be fair to let y’all take my brother away in the middle of the show. Mean’in no disrespect your Highness.” “Though” she drew closer with a whisper, “meet me back this evenin, we can work somethin out.”

“NO! He is not going with you! He’s MINE!”

Everypony turned in surprise to see Fluttershy fly towards the stunned Big Macintosh. Circling her front hooves around his thick neck, she gave a warning look to her gawking friends.

“He’s mine, you harpies stay away!” Moving her mouth closer to his ear she whispered, “Don’t be afraid my little apple dumpling. I won’t hurt you. I’ll you protect from these old crones. I’ll just take you home and... Hey, what?!” She was cutoff as a pair of strong cyan hooves grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her away from her prey.
“C’mon, Fluttershy. I think you’ve had just about enough excitement for one day.”

The desperate yellow pegasus tried digging her heels into the ground, but Rainbow Dash was relentless. All the timid flier could do was create long furrows in the soil.

“No, No, No, It’s not fair, let me go!........ Call me!!”

Pinkie waved at the disappearing figure. “Bye, Shyshy! Hope you get uncrazy! We’ll throw you a Fluttershy-is-no-longer-repressed party!” She noticed everypony staring at her. "What? She so totally needs a private party with Big Mac!"

There was a sound of multiple facehooves.

Station #4
Mud Wrestling

The main event was to take place in a freshly dug mud pit. Rainbow Dash brought in a raincloud earlier to ensure the mud was suitably wet and slippery. Mac was on one side of the pit with his sister. On the other, Dash was giving last minute instructions to a huge, muscular, white pegasus stallion with incongruously tiny wings.

“Alright, Snowflake. You know what to do?”

“Yeah!”

“You pumped up?!”

“Yeah!”

“Then get in there!!”

“YEEEAAAAH!!”

Both behemoths snorted and charged into the center of the sludge. With a crack like thunder, they collided. Each stallion tried using his head and forehooves to push the other. Their back legs slipping in the slick muck; neither gave any quarter. Neck muscles, forelegs, and barrels strained and bunched.

The onlooking girls hooted and hollered, yelling for and against both combatants. Rarity was snapping pictures like a mad mare. Twilight now held two sets of pencils and notebooks in her magic, using both to furiously scribble notes. Pinkie Pie produced a foam finger from somewhere and excitedly waved it around. Derpy and the flower sisters were hopping up and down, cheering wildly.

Finally, Big Mac surged forward, slamming his barrel over the back of his adversary, pushing the giant pegasus into the mud. Snowflake retaliated by flipping over, forcing a clutch. The stallions struggled with each other, rolling around, their coats turning brown from the filth. Muscles flexed against each other; blood rushed to fill them with strength. Rarity’s fan stopped its crazy fanning when the mare fainted, but nopony paid any attention.

Eventually, Big Mac was able to get a back leg wrapped behind Snowflake’s torso. Using all his strength and weight, he rolled and pinned the formerly white stallion in the mud. Rainbow flitted down and started counting.

“One. Two. Three!” Big Mac got up allowing Dash to raise his foreleg. “The winner, and still champion, Big Macintosh!”

Everypony(except Rarity) stomped their hooves and cheered.

“Huzzah! That was quite the sight see! Three cheers for both of our worthy subjects!”

Big Mac reached back to help Snowflake up to his feet.

“Yeah, so same time tomorrow?” asked Snowflake.

“Eeeyup”

Amid the cheering, Big Mac went to hose himself off.

Special Station

Big Macintosh sat in large metal tub next to the barn. Holding the running hose in his mouth he started rinsing off the mud from his body. To his surprise, the hose was snatched away and he found himself being held down from above, a pair cyan forelimbs pushing on his shoulders.

“Rainbow Dash? What’s goin on? The shows over,” he stammered.

“Oh, you have one more thing to do,” she snickered. “AJ the merchandise been secured, send in the girls!” she yelled.

Big Mac’s ears flattened. He cringed at the sight before him. Six aroused mares, each holding a sopping sponge, sauntered towards the tub.

“Err….n-nope, nope, nope, nope!” cried the red coated prisoner, shaking his head and starting to struggle. It was to no avail, he was still tired from the day’s activity and Dash had her whole weight on him.

“Don’t worry darling,” quipped Rarity, batting her eyelashes, “we won’t bite…much.”

“Get him girls! Wooo! Sponge bath party!!” cheered Pinkie.

Big Mac closed his eyes and resigned himself to his sexy fate.

Meanwhile

Snowflake hosed down and was drying himself with a towel when he heard hoovesteps behind him. Turning around, he was surprised to find Twilight Sparkle.

“Hello? May I help you?” he asked in a surprisingly rich and cultured voice.

Twilight was slightly taken aback by the difference in tone from how Snowflake usually sounded. “Hi. I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I don’t think we were able to talk during the water transfer to Cloudsdale. You were really, um, exciting to watch during the wrestling match.”

“Well thank you, I was on the wrestling team in high school. Right now I am teaching at Cloudsdale State College.”

“Wait. You’re a professor?” Twilight asked with a bit of incredulity.

“Yes, and I have doctorates in advanced weather management theory and aerophysics. Perhaps you have read my paper on Pegasi flight and the Coriolis effect published in Canterlot Science Monthly some time ago.”

Twilight couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You are the Dr. Snowflake?! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” she cried, clapping her hooves together in glee. “I have read your dissertation and let me say it is a brilliant piece. I even wanted to replicate your experiments but none of my Pegasi friends were interested. Too worried about feather loss, they said.” She stared at the stallion in front her with new appreciation.

He is so strong, and he’s actually intelligent, oh the things we could discuss, the experiments we could run, and look at that flank. I could bounce a bit off of it.

“Well, it’s been a pleasure, but I must be off. Wonderful chatting with you, Miss. Sparkle.” He turned to leave only to be trapped in a purple bubble.

Twilight gave her captive a sultry look. “Oh no, the pleasure was all mine. But it would be a shame to cut our talk short. I think you will be coming with me to the library. It has been a long, long time since I could converse withsomepony who possessed a mind and body like yours. I think you will find our discussions most enjoyable.”

“It was plum awful, Caramel. All them mares, rubbin me all over. Ah have never been so embarrass’d in all mah life!”

It was Big Mac’s day to run the apple stand. He spent most of the day lamenting to Carmel about the events of the last few days.

“There there, buddy,” comforted Caramel, rubbing his companion’s forelegs. “It’s all over now. On the bright side, you made more than enough bits to cover the farm’s debt. You should be happy. Didn't you enjoy wrestling Snowflake?”

“Well....wrestlin Snowflake was pretty good. That's one tough hombre, I tell ya what. Wonder wat happened to him; haven't seen him in while."

There was a loud bang from direction of the library. Ponies ignored it. Living in Ponyville, one became indifferent to strange noises coming from Twilight Sparkle’s library.

Caramel gave a shrug. "I wouldn't worry too much. I’m sure he's fine."

"Ah’m a guessin your right. Anyhow, thanks for listening Caramel."

“Don’t worry about it. We still on for dinner tonight?”

“Eeyup.” Big Mac waved goodbye to his friend and started packing up the stand. As he finished, he overheard a trio of stallions talking.

“I saw Applejack bucking trees today and dang, she sure got a nice backside,” said one.

“Yeah, it’s all that farm work. Filly’s got a flank that won’t quit. Nice legs too,” agreed another.

“I could watch her work all day,” said the third.

“I would pay good money to see that. I think we all would.” Three heads nodded in agreement.

A small smile slowly formed on Big Macintosh’s face.

Good money, huh? Well will ya look at that.

THE END

Editors credit and thanks to: Zethariel, Kendandra and RainbowShades.

Special thanks to my bro for grammar corrections.
And thanks to you for reading my first work. I hope my story brought a smile to your face and laughter to your heart.