Boops are Eternal. Boop the Snoot

by Lynser

Rating: teen
Tags: Second Person, Comedy, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Romance, Princess Luna, Drama
Length: 18937

After his 'encounter' with Princess Celestia in the throne room, 'Anon's' life had come to a bit of a lull. That quickly resolves itself after a misunderstanding and a timberwolf attack leads him back to Canterlot. Shenanigans, and drama, ensue.

Several months after his 'encounter' with Princess Celestia in the throne room, Anon's life had come to a bit of a lull. He was content in his solitude and was enjoying spending his days doing... not much at all.
And occasionally abusing boops to get his way, but that's less important.

When he comes to realize the difference between solitude and loneliness, he sets out to fix it.

After getting shipped off to Canterlot due to some slight misunderstandings and slight timberwolf attacks, there's a tab bit more to deal with than he'd expect.

Like Princess Luna. And rebuilding bridges with Twilight.
And Princess Celestia's odd behaviour.

Image, for those curious. Give the artist some love!
Previous Image used. Still, give this artist some love, too!

Previously featured multiple times- I can't put how thankful I am for that. I'm glad you folks enjoy my silly stories.

Now featuring my Ko-fi, if you're feeling generous!

Published 2019-07-05 15:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-12-11 20:00:11 UTC

0 - Ab Initio

Author's Note

For those unaware- there's a rewrite going on. A bit of a revision, too, but that’s not quite as important. Either way, if you want to see the original (and really erratic) version of the story (sadly without much formatting, because transferring it over is rather complicated) it’s in this doc! It’s not finished, but that should have been obvious.

The feel for this chapter is still going to be quite erratic (as it was in the original version-) but it’s still got some info to keep in mind. Nonetheless, it’s a chapter 0, so take that as you will!
I’ll do my best to keep consistent in the future, which is probably why this is chapter 0.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it! Comments and suggestions will be appreciated throughout the entire story- yes, even during the first few sections- so I hope to hear your voices!

Anyways, have fun!

P.S. Sorry if there were folks particularly attached to the old tone- it'll have a place in other stories I spit out occasionally (i.e. stories like fistfight) but for my own sanity and other's, I'm going to connect more to a semi-serious overall tone, like the original story. If you don't like the change, feel free to dislike the story or whatever else. I understand completely!

0 - Ab Initio

You wake up with your head at the feet of your bed, and your feet on your pillow. There's an overwhelming feeling of confusion rolling over you, but you're not sure what to do about it.
The worst part is that you feel like you've forgotten something important, but nothing is coming to mind.

Who knows, maybe you need to pick up something in the market, and you just forgot.

It was funny, actually. When you start to think about the 'market' it starts to ring a few bells. Distant bells, and you're not sure if they're warning bells or not, but they're still there.

Huh.

Well, you would figure it out later. If it was important enough, you would have remembered it.

Plus, Floofington the Second is making distressed dog noises since he can't see your head. Or assault your face until you wake up and take him out for a walk.

You groan, a sudden feeling of restlessness coming over you as you flop out of bed- bringing all of the sheets with you.
Again.

Somehow, you feel like it's going to be a long day today.
Oddly enough, you’re getting kind of nervous about it, too. Like, an abnormal amount.

----

You’re at home, calmly sipping a cup of tea as you look out over Ponyville. Your house was well-situated on a small hill outside the town that was perfectly isolated, and it always had a nice view.

Minus the good little doggo who refused to remove himself from your lap at the moment. That obstructed the view ever so slightly and ruined your self-imposed isolation.
But at least he was walked-out now, so you could stay here in contentment. Plus, some sacrifices have to be made for the good of mankind.

… And Floofy is a good doggo. May his throne be anywhere he pleases.

You reach over to your teapot to deal with a quickly-emptying cup, only to quickly discover that it’s empty too. That was fine, you’ve been sipping away all morning.

You slowly get up- giving Floofy all the time he needs to casually roll off you and impact the floor because he’s an idiot- grabbing your teapot as you head over to your kitchen. It’s a simple, well-organized place, but you have one objective here.

Earl grey. You have no clue why you had a sudden craving for it this morning, but there had to be no reason. It was objectively the best. You’ve loved it since you were young.

You open the cupboard that gives home to your stash of exotic coffees and less exotic teas, quickly fishing out the tin of glorious Picard-approved blend. Only for it to be completely empty.

That was your last pot. Even worse, you didn’t even realize that when you brewed it.

You’re incredibly disappointed. In yourself, and this outcome. You’d gotten enough groceries and entertainment (in the form of magazines and newspapers, because you’re a boring old man at 28 now) to last a week of silent solitude, but it looked like you’d have to go out again.

… Oddly enough, you really didn’t feel like going out today. You were getting hit with a lot of odd nostalgic feelings, actually.

It was probably just pony-land trying to force you into some kind of moral, being honest. It had happened before. Maybe it was ‘don’t lock yourself inside for weeks at a time’ or something like that.

With a shrug, you make the probably-correct decision of heading out anyways, holding your precious tin of brewed-wisdom close to your heart.

… You were going to try the kinds they ship back from New Mareland this time. Even if they apparently tasted super different.

And hey- even if they were expensive, you had one thing the other ponies didn’t.

Boopers.

And thus, you always had very large discounts, so long as you were insistent enough.

----

Ponyville is oddly quiet, and you can’t shake the feeling that you already knew it was going to be empty like this.
Though you probably should have brought Floofy, then.

Yet again, it’s probably the next moral or something. Maybe you’re getting Zecora’d for the second time since arriving. Maybe everyone ‘forgot’ about you, because you were stuck inside for so long, and infrequently came out.

Hardy har, universe. Har har.

Christ’s sake, sometimes you’re 90% sure you’re in a kid’s universe or something.

But at the same time, after picking up that book on pony biology a couple years back…

Let’s say that whatever you knew about horses before was confirmed. It was just minified.
Curiosity kills the innocence.

You’d like a cup of brain-bleach around now, but you’re probably not going to get it considering Ponyville is a ghost town!

“Hello?!” your voice echoes down the streets like a cheesy horror film, and you can even hear the most perfectly-timed wolves howl in the distance, too.

Too bad it’s broad daylight- that means you have plot-armour!

----

This was starting to get concerning. Something was definitely wrong. When you got closer to the town square and hit Sugarcube Corner, the place was deserted. You knew that for sure since the place was left wide open, doors unlocked and everything. You could- and did- explore every empty room in the house. Hell, there were still bits in the register. If you were less of a man, you could’ve easily just taken them.

It’s definitely worrying you. Pinkie lived there. The cakes and their kids lived there.

What was happening?

You sigh as you leave, looking around for a good direction to travel in. Heading towards the center still seemed like a good idea- you could probably check to see if Twilight was still around, at least. Ponyville’s castle was the next best thing to a fortress, so maybe everyone ended up there?

The odd feeling of familiarity hits you again, and you’re almost certain that nobody’s going to be there.

Still, it’s worth a shot. That feeling could’ve just come because of what happened a half-year ago.

The reason why you-uh… went to Canterlot in the first place.

----

Yep. It was as empty as junior high on the last day of school.

Every hallway and room in the castle was empty. It was just unlocked for posterity's sake.

You should start trusting your gut again, even if being impulsive has proven to get you into weird situations before.

To start the process, it’s best to check what gut-o is telling you about now.

Apparently, you have an odd sentiment about heading home and staying there for some reason.

Another couple of kilometres walking, probably. Fun in a bun.

No, really. Walking is great. Your favourite activity, probably.

----

You silently whistle a horrible amalgamation of at least 7 songs by Billy Joel to yourself as you make your way through the silent streets of Ponyville. In any other situation, it would’ve been relaxing. It would've been a great walk. But right now, you’re about 90% sure you have a personal crisis in the works.

More particularly, the silence in Ponyville has enlightened you to one simple thing: You’ve been alone for a lot longer than you realize.

In fact- the last time you can remember honestly interacting with another creature that didn’t involve a transaction, or playing the part of the pissed-off human… was six months ago, in Canterlot. With the freaking goddess of the sun. And even then, it wasn’t exactly a word-heavy situation!

You don't even know how you went this long without getting stir crazy at home.

To make matters worse, you’re starting to have a minor freak-out over how many things you miss from back home. You’d been fine with the disconnect for ages, sure, but after realizing how little you accurately remember from home without it being a meme or something? It’s stressing you out.

In fact, you’d started with Piano Man but lost yourself about halfway in, and through the rest of the song you’d been blindly feeling it out. But you haven’t gotten to anything that felt genuine.

And then there’s feeling genuine. You know what felt genuine when you arrived. The first couple of years, before Twilight’s house got blasted by he-who-shall-not-be-named. But after that, you lost track of time, completely. You were just facing every day by itself- content in your little house outside Ponyville, not dealing with everyone’s shit.
Hell, you’ve only kept track of your birthdays.

… And now, you’re pretty damned sure you miss dealing with everyone’s shit. It made up for whatever you forgot from home- since you were making something new of it all.
Hell, the school of brainwashing opened! There were tonnes of creatures to fuck with! Cultures to offend!
A legacy of assholishness to uphold!

…

In some ways, it felt cathartic to get your feelings in check. In others, you really need to apologize to Twilight over what happened before your completely unneeded visit to Canterlot- and then you need to give her a hug that’d probably last like 6 hours.

No, make that 12. And cuddles. Lots of cuddles.

That doesn’t exactly sound like the kind of thing mister ‘most pissed off member of equestrian society’ would say, but you’ve officially stopped giving a shit until you sort at least half of your problems out.
Plus, you got that rep after the Tirek shit went down. Not before.

The anger comes later.

None of this will stop the cathartic shouting in an empty town, though.

“Fuck!”

If it turns out that ponies really are hiding, the least you can do is increase the younger population’s vocabulary while you’re at it.

Closing the massive doors behind you as slowly as you can in an attempt to make as little noise as possible, you have to pause for a moment.

What the fuck just happened? Okay, bad question. You know exactly what just happened. Princess Celestia- the bloody goddess of the sun herself!- had just decided to snuggle up against you for the past…

Looking outside one of the massive windows, you can clearly see the moon has risen over the horizon.

… half a day, since you arrived at the castle around noonish.

Even weirder, you snuggled back for exactly as long. Well, other than like… the hour-or-more of just standing there.

… You’re not sure how to feel about that. You’re not sure how to feel about that at all.

You’ll have plenty of time to think over this at home though, so it’s probably prudent that you head back as soon as possible!

If only you hadn’t missed your train, because it came at sunset!

Hahah…

You can only sigh. At least you missed a train to be with the Princess when she needed you?

…

You’re getting nothing back for this, aren’t you?

She’s going to forget it happened in like a week. Maybe get a letter about it in a year or something, but drenched in politics-talk. You’ll put five bits on that bet.

The ponies around here are somehow both completely nuts, and amnesiacs. You rolled extremely well on the multiversal dice.
… You really couldn’t hate them though. Not when there are ponies like the big white one in there. No matter how much you try.

You probably shouldn’t be smiling this much.
Thinking about their transgressions against mankind will solve that problem.
Or how easy it is to get fed up with everything. Especially any interruption to your solitude.
Fucking Twilight.

You turn around, only to be greeted by the last sight you wanted to see today.

Your first prediction from before came true. The guards had barricaded every entrance to the hall, and several hundred of them were swarming the room, a look of abject terror on their faces.

If you weren’t tossed into the throne-room by them, you might’ve been more concerned when they started to stare at you like you held the secrets to reality. Plus the infinity stones.

And like you have murderous intent.

Oh, but that look definitely extends to ‘if he hasn’t fixed the problem, we’re going to kill him.’

Okay yeah, a quick mental note to see if that 'Anon has to solve all princess-related problems' law has passed anytime soon.

…

So now what?

There were several paths you could take here, but you’re 90% sure that if you don’t move quickly enough, you’re about to die. Hard.

…

Well, being stupid fared you will in there, right? And that's already basically half of your identity to these ponies by now.

Ahem "FEARFUL LITTLE PONIES, I HAVE FIXED YOUR PRINCESS AND BROUGHT PEACE TO THE LAND!" you start your proclamation with a booming voice, but just as quickly as you start, you lose your train of thought.

The lead-off to your words just leave the room as silent as it was when you entered. Awkwardness starts to fill the air. And not the anime kind of awkwardness.

You try to keep going, "FOR MY SERVICES, I DEMAND GOLD, A NOBLE TITLE…" but you lose your train of thought once again.

To cover up your complete failure, you cough into your arm, feigning a sudden bout of sickness.

Yeah, you're about to get impaled from 9 different directions.

Hahah…

“W-WOMEN, AND…”

Floofington, enjoy your inheritance.

“... MAGIC! Y-YES! THE SECRETS TO MAGIC!”

You definitely 100% haven't started to cower beneath the dumbfounded stares the ponies below are giving you.

Why… why did there have to be a staircase going up to the throne-room anyways? You suddenly feel extremely isolated.

One of the guards dropped a spear, and you definitely didn’t let out a girly scream, either.

You laugh to yourself, coming to remember one of the… more odd moments that occurred right after you connected with someone. Well, someone who probably doesn’t remember you beyond reports from Twilight, or something like that.
Probably.
You want to keep those five bits.

The laughter comes to an end when you come to realize how quickly you reverted to… Well, your less than optimistic side, to put it lightly.

You didn’t even improve after your stupid outburst either. You didn’t really drop your guard- but granted, that was probably because if you had, you might’ve gotten speared.

But honestly, where did your spirit of adventure go?

Probably the same place your mind went after the library went kaboom. To worry-ville over literally everything.

You sigh, trying to push the feeling away.

…

It isn’t working that well, actually. The thoughts are clinging. Time to listen to mr. gutto, then. Best to start to train it back in!

‘Hey, Anon! Turn the fuck around, danger sense, activate!’

Que?

You casually use your next stride to spin around (something years of pacing taught you) to face what was probably extreme danger.
But hey, living dangerously was the theme of the day.

…

And, now you’re facing your first pony of the day.

One that was… oddly familiar.

She was a night guard. That was obvious enough by the armour. She was also one of those weird bat-like ponies you’d been told about once or twice.

She had a weird kind of look to her, other than that. Lots of blues, like a cheesy sci-fi PMC. Also a bit… bigger than you’d expect for one of these bat-horses. Probably a training thing.

Oh, and her eyes were lime-fucking-green, which bothered you a lot more than the catlike thing they had going on.

It wasn’t natural. At least, not like AJ’s.

The feeling of familiarity only grew when said unnaturally-eyed bat-horse looked at you like the holy grail.
With emphasis put on the object part.

…

“Uhhhhhh…” You shuffle awkwardly in place while the bat-horse gives you the most scrutinizing look since your grade-school teacher met your father.

In other words, you’re 90% sure if there’s a single scratch on you, you’re about to get carted off to the emergency ward while the swat-team bursts in.

Judging by the guard’s armour, the swat-team thing is probably a lot closer to the truth than initially thought. Except you’re not sure if the swat-team is coming for you or not.

She takes in a sharp breath, and you wince on reflex.

“Are you Anonymous?” The bat-horse blurts out, expression suddenly becoming unreadable.

You’re boned. Here comes the law to… actually, you’re not sure right now. But something. Maybe part of the purification bureau, which probably exists.

“Uhh… sure, yeah, let’s go with that.” Your answer is as intelligent as most of the answers you give.

The bat-pony shuffles in place for a moment, finally showing a bit of nervousness. Odd for a guard, sure, but it put you a bit at ease.

“So. Uh…”

You cannot get words doing the good.

…

Actions speak louder than words, eh?
You have one of the oldest tricks in the book on your side, anywho.

After exchanging awkward glances for another few seconds, you squat down to trying-to-be-eye-level-but-failing. God, are you glad that you had enough restraint to only use your tricks in Ponyville after…

Your danger sense is flaring a bit. You’re not exactly sure why.

You shrug it off and start the slow endeavour of extending an arm towards the pony’s snoot. It was the only option, and it felt natural.

Her breathing gets funny, and her eyes go full cat-mode, full attention going towards your extending index-finger. Your danger sense is screaming bloody murder.

Huh. Maybe you should actually listen to yourself, and listen to your gut?

Nah. This was the funny option. Princess-taming levels of funny options.

*Boop*

You take another hand and put it on your chin, doing your best Thinker impression as you watch for her reaction.

Yet again, the bat-horse looks about ready to implode. A different reaction than most gave you, actually.

Danger senseius maximus.

You try and retract your arm as every single fibre in your being is saying ‘you’re about to fucking die,’ and you finally listen.

The bat-horses eyes get even narrower than before, and her gaze locked onto yours.

Instinct says to put your hands on your ears, and to make a run for it.

You only get your hands on your ears in time, but the point-blank range makes it ultimately useless when… it happens.

“AAAAAAAAAAA-”

Suddenly, there’s a hoof embedded in your side. One of those crazy guards is shaking you.

Oh, now you see. They’re going to find your weak spots and kick you to death! Brutes! Barbarians!

The door behind you shifts, and you can’t help but look back in reflex. You also decide to stop screaming.

The pony shaking you finally stops.

…

The room is oddly a lot more silent now. Probably because your screams aren’t reverberating off the walls, or something.
You most likely terrified the guards too.

Worth it.

You hear a pony stumble away from the door behind you, closing it clumsily behind them.

“H-he… HE DID IT! HE’S A HERO!”

Excuse you, what?

“H-HE FIXED THE PRINCESS! HE MADE HER BETTER!”

Why the fuck- the guy sounds like he’s eight. A tad bit forced (like literally every pony with a weird voice, being honest), but still eight.

Wow, they were really lowering the standards for their guards…

Or he was uh. A ‘special case.’

Fuck, now you feel bad.

Also, what?

“HE DID IT!”

Mister-eight starts dancing around- judging by the sound of his hooves on the floor- crying out happily that you ‘fixed the princess’ repeatedly.
Calling you the ‘Hero of Canterlot’ as well.

Either they have very low standards here, or these guards were all too incompetent to cheer up the princess.
Or terrified.
They are basically living goddesses.

Holy fuck you just booped and hugged a goddess. You’re a legend. A true hero.
Probably not the same kind of hero mister-eight is crying about, but holy shit.

…

The room starts to feel a bit lighter, and a few more guards poke their heads through the door. A few mumble about how the room is empty, but the first few who showed up after eight’ seemed to have seen the princess.

Smiling like an idiot, reportedly.

A true Equestrian hero. The man who tamed the princess.
Oh god, you’re going to laugh about this for weeks!
And probably be super paranoid that you’re going to get shipped off to prison after the smiles wear off.

‘Treason against the holiest snoot’ sounded like a law here.
You should actually try to study Equestrian law. You’ve been here for years, this is kind of something you need to think about. Especially since you’re a home-owner.

…

“How’d he manage that, though?” You hear a guard pipe up from the side of the crowd. When you raise your head to look for him, it’s easy to see who asked that. Since he’s, y’know, sending you the dirtiest look known to man.

Yep. He’s going to find out.

Questioning your holiest method of making princesses happy.
Dickhead.

That’s his name now. By law.

Dickhead the fifth.

There wasn’t a one-through-four, but still.

He has the usual guard-shroud uniform on, so you can’t really distinguish him much. But all you need is that dirty look, and accusatory voice.

You raise a middle-finger, fully knowing that he’d have no clue what that means.

It makes you feel better. And less imminently-going-to-die-ish.

“Yeah, how?” Mister eight comes to a stop in his dancing, echoing the thoughts of Dickhead.

Fuck’s sake-

The rest of the cavalcade-of-incoming-death follows not too soon afterwards.

You don’t want to reveal your secrets. It’s the first rule of magic!

Okay, time to stop freaking out over nothing. It’s tiring.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

Your intelligence-spree continues from earlier.

“Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

How are you going to put this? Would they even know what a boop is?
Actually… that sounds like a very, very good thing.

Maniacal thoughts are coming.

“hhhhhh-Iboopedher?”

That doesn’t mean you said it with any eloquence at all though.
You weren’t a wordsmith. You need paper. And lots of time.

Dickhead almost seems to sneer at you, “You whated her?”

“I-uh…”

Wait, what if ‘boop’ has an entirely different kind of meaning here?
Oh god.
Yeah, it’s time to avoid the word ‘snuggle.’

Dickhead looks ready to throw an insult at you, but a hoof comes out of the crowd and smacks him over the head instead.

“Ow, what the hell, Night?!”

“Stop acting like a dick! Let him talk, none of us could make her smile like that! He deserves a bit of respect, at least.”

Dickhead does the most childish thing he possibly could, mumbling her words to himself before capping it off with a ‘pblthh.’

Wherever she hit next, it made him yelp like a kicked puppy.

Judging by how none of the guards even flinched at that, the two probably had some sort of history.

You were very intrigued.

Sadly, the guard who saved you sent you a look that posed the same question that the rest were.

Also, her eyes are green.

Really fucking green.

You need to ask questions later. But for now, you should make an attempt to not get dungeon’d. Or republic-of-france'd.

“Well, I-uh-” Green-eyes (Night?) comes out of the crowd while you’re trying to find a voice, giving you a line of sight on her. She comes over to your prone form as calmly as you could possibly imagine for a guard- and considering that she seemed to be a night guard, that said something about the day guard- giving you a few nudges to encourage you to sit up.

You only do it because you’re starting to feel the affects of carpet-face in front of the door here.

You clear your throat, continuing on from earlier, “I-uh, booped the princess.”

As the words hit you again, you have to put a hand over your mouth to stop laughter from coming out.

Goddamnit, you booped a princess!

Green-eyes raises an eyebrow and gives you the most questioning look you’ve seen in a while.

After you battle down a few more laughs, you shrug and point towards her snoot.

Her eyebrow only raises another inch.

It’s time for science.

“I’m gonna ask a stupid question now. What would happen if I put a finger on your muzzle? Or more particularly, your nose?”

Her look morphs into one of great concerns. But the eyebrow still never changes.

“Okay, yeah. That’s a bit of a stupid question. Nothing would happen, except I’d get a bit annoyed, I guess?”

Oh dear lord, she doesn’t know.

They don’t know.

Actually, you don’t really know either- you just got a positive reaction to acting like an idiot to the multi-millennia ruler of a species-encompassing nation.

Ah fuck, you only live once. If this turns out to be mundane, at least you accomplished something with your day.

*Boop.*

Turns out that you may have some sort of dark power, because almost immediately Green-eyes starts to grin weirdly. And with the fangs- you’re not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Her gaze is trapped on your finger for a minute or two- almost like she’s literally trapped there- before she slowly tries to regain some composure.

The grin disappears, but she has an even weirder expression. Almost like she’s going to implode.

Christ, at least this affected ponies differently?
Or was it a species thing?

The other ponies start giving her a weird look. Halfway between the fear that something they know is going to happen is going to happen, and confusion.

She takes a weird sharp breath, and seems to be using every ounce of her willpower to not do…

Something.

Well, you can’t have that. Dickhead back there probably needs something to tease her over endlessly.

Channelling knowledge from your first year here, you take your free hand and move it in the optimal position for ear-scritches.

You’re going to die doing what you love.

*Scri-

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-”

Everything is on pain.
Not fire, pain.

Your ears are probably leaking the remnants of what used to be your ear-drums, and your bones are rattling enough to put a skeleton to shame.

Is this the way you die?

Booping a guard?

Fuck, now you see why Ponyville was empty. This was a hit request. A hit on you, to test your resolve and ability to resist your dark powers.

You failed.

Ow.

Wait, the screams of the damned stopped. Or are your ears just jelly at this point?

Some questions are better left unanswered.

Wait, suddenly you can move your everything. Your head hurts like hell, but somehow you manage to get on your feet.

There’s a blue blob in front of you, which only elicits one response from you:
“G-get those admin points up…”

Only now do you realize that you’re seeing quadruple.

Dear god, what kind of unholy thing could do this to you?

You hear something bang against something metal, eliciting a hiss out of you.
It sounded like wood.

France freaks out and runs up to you, making painful mumbling noises. She tries to shove you in another direction, too.

You politely tell France to go shove a baguette in her jaw and turn towards the wood sounds.

Woah! It’s a treant! Except like, small. And dog-like. You think.

Thinking is bad. Thinking hurts.

It’s time to shut off the brain. It’s time to defend your home from trees. Technically the Ponyville market but-

France makes panicky noises and moves in front of you to block your path of conquest oncoming.

Or maybe it’s because the wood-dogger charges, howling in its wake.

The level of volume is bothering you, and simply unacceptable.

After all, you can be louder. And you can stand your ground, even if you feel like you’re about to tip over.

Now, just a subject…

…

There is only one appropriate response to this situation.
You have to burn it. And if you have to burn it, there is only one thing you truly need to channel this day.

“VULKAN LIVES!” You channel your inner pyromaniac, looking for anything that'd start a fire around you while screaming like a banshee. You manage to stun the wood-dogger with your holy cry. It's certain- The Emperor has blessed this day.

You spot a firestarter on a vendor's stall.
You make a mad dash for it.

After crossing 2 feet of battlefield, you crash into France and send yourself tumbling into the abandoned vendor’s stall.

You hit your head on at least 30 metallic things.

To put it short, you’re MIA.

1 - Ab Initio Iterum

It was kind of an odd pattern. You’ve been dreaming a lot- that was quite obvious by the number of times you’ve woken up with the odd ‘wow, I’m confused’ feeling that you already got after other dreams- and in this case, it seems to be a bit more lucid than you’d like.

Or, well, it was more like you were noticing things, and it was making the conscious part of your mind very interested.

Firstly, you were recalling a memory. That was obvious enough. The trip down to your first job interview was mostly unforgettable. The streets of Toronto were packed to the brim with people, even if it was a thundery day.

Secondly, there was something most definitely wrong with your memory. The people around you were...

Well, when you looked towards them, they blurred. Their faces were definitely there, you just couldn't see them.
It was almost like something was covering them, but you couldn't quite place it.

Even more, they seemed to be moving erratically, almost following you in unnatural zig-zags.
It was starting to freak you out.

Still, it was just an odd dream-like memory, right?

…

It started to feel like somebody was watching you far more intently than these other 'people.' and the memory started to jitter around visibly- almost like something was wrong to the point that the dream couldn't really understand it.

It was still faithful enough to cause you to trip over a dog that got in your way not too soon afterwards, and to only continue the chain of misfortune by having you completely lose your balance in part due to your nervousness. But the following blackness wasn’t the same as the flailing you remember.
Mostly because of the odd softness, and the weird feeling that something was wrong.

"Ow."

You wake up on the floor by the side of your bed, wrapped in all of your sheets. You seemed to have had a very vivid dream, because you'd managed to trap an arm behind your back, and your legs were clinging onto the bed for dear life.

Your head hurt, too.

Man, you had some weird dreams. Firstly, that weird... deserted Ponyville thing. It messed with you, but you have an odd feeling that everything within was... more or less accurate. When it comes to your feelings and intentions for the future, at least.

You're going to hug Twilight today. It's decided.

The second one was...
Well, you hadn't had a dream about home in a long while. Not since the first few years here.

That could be another kind of sign entirely.

...

You preempt your alarm by slamming your hand onto your nightstand and swiping your arm across it to send everything flying.

Though your nightstand doesn't seem to exist.

You memorized the sides of the bed you fell off of- so that was really weird.

You prop your head on your chin, trying to figure this out.

Okay, first, these aren't your sheets. They don't smell like they should, look like they should, and they aren't scratchy yet comfortable.
No, they feel like comfort itself, wrapped in silk.

Second, there is no nightstand. In fact, the bed is way smaller than it should be, and the wall isn't the right colour.
Oh yeah, and the wall isn't made of wood.
Though it's all pretty beautiful- and you're rested enough to tell that the bed was probably soft as hell, despite its size.

You nudge your head in another direction, not caring much that you're still entombed. These sheets are really comfortable.

You see a balcony and a small dresser with a mirror above it. While it isn't over-the-top, you can tell that it's expensive as hell. The dresser looks like it's made of ebony- and well taken care of, too- and the mirror has engravings around the outside.
You can't say much about the balcony since you can only see the door from this angle. It looks like it's made out of some kind of stained glass, too, so you'd have to get up to inspect it.

You can hear water running in an adjacent room. And hooves moving.
A bathroom connected to this room, probably.

Nudging your head over again, you can't see much of anything this time. Mostly because there's a purple thing in the way.

"... Anon?" a voice asks.

It's Twilight. Holy shit it's Twilight!

Yes! God exists for your benefit after all!

You're so happy, and you can't even words put to it in.

You kick your legs off of the foreign bed, and hastily climb to your feet.
You almost trip over yourself several times in the process, though. You're definitely feeling some sleep-grogginess.

Side-note, you're naked.
That's a future-Anonymous problem.

"Twilight!" You're smiling pretty damned hard, and you can even hear it in your voice.

Twilight remains stunned. After a few seconds, a towel magics out of the adjacent bathroom and covers your shame.

See, future problem.

Even after she recovers, she doesn't say anything. She just looks up at you in confusion.

"How are you...?" she sounds exasperated.

She continues to stare at you for a while, and you're not sure how to respond to her. You kind of want to just hug her right now, but you're not sure that would go over well.

You take the opportunity to look around the room.

The instant you look above Twilight, your mind makes the connection that you're in the castle, idiot when you see one of the classic gold-trimmed doors.

How you didn't make this connection before, only your tired mind would know.

"Uh..." she tries to muster up something to say.

Before you can question why the bathroom door is right next to a closet's door, your gaze is pulled back down to Twilight.

She still looks confused, but she looks like she had plenty of time to freak out over...
Okay, you have some questions. Primarily, 'why the fuck am I in Canterlot, much less the castle' and 'why was I naked, and why did you come out of the bathroom into the room where I was naked, and in bed?'

These surely have rational answers.

"How are you... feeling?" Twilight asks you, though her gaze quickly travels to anywhere but you in the room.

You weren't... really sure how you were feeling, actually. You kind of feel like your entire body has been frozen like you've been to the dentists. But for everything.

The back of your head kind of itches, though. You try to scratch it, but all you get back is a sudden, sharp pain when you touch it.

Twilight seems quick to notice it, and her focus instantly snaps to that spot.

With the use of some magic, the numb feeling extends to that part of you.

"Sorry- right. You can't-uh, really feel much, can you?" She lets out an awkward laugh and kicks a hoof under her a few times.

"Yeah, it seems like it," you say as the euphoria of seeing your old friend starts to wean off. You can't help but feel the same awkwardness.

Yeah, your dream-plan was a bit... half-baked.

"So... How did I end up here? Not sure I remember much about it." You ask, returning to your exploration of the visual elements of the room.

There's a cool fireplace in the corner, but it doesn't turn up much beyond that- it's your usual guest suite. Except it has rich-people stuff in it.

You hear Twilight clear her throat like she would before lectures in the library, which brings a bit of a smile back. "Well, do you remember what happened in Ponyville before you woke up?"

...

That was a dream, right?

"Uh... I went for a walk through Ponyville, and it was pretty damned empty-"

"And you encountered a guard, right?" she cuts you off.

Fuck. It wasn't a dream. Your sore head makes a lot of sense now.
And your mind is a bit... scattered.

"Yeah. Messed around with the guard for a moment-" You got a snort for that, which you couldn't help but chuckle at under your breath "-But got a bit... distracted for a bit. Got up, saw a weird... dog-tree. I think I tried to kill it- but I don't remember anything else after that."

It's true that your memory got a bit foggy at the end there, at least.

Though you do remember the sound of pots and pans when your head got... soreified.

Twilight nods, taking a few cautious steps back. "So the report was accurate, then."

"Report?"

She pauses, only to send you a questioning look. "Yes, the guard made a report of everything. She was sent to get you after all, Anonymous."

The formal voice is coming out. You'd be lying if you said that didn't sting a bit.

"Any reason for the VIP treatment?"

Twilight pauses once again, this time with genuine confusion on her face. "Didn't you get the message?"

"What message?"

"Didn't you get a letter or something?"

You did check your mailbox, and there wasn't anything on that front.

"No, not really. At least, as far as I know, that is." Your answer seems to confuser her slightly. She starts to try and say something but ultimately stops herself. Instead, she sighs and gestures a hoof towards the bathroom.

"We can get you up to speed later. Just..." She gestures to it again.

Yeah, you... can probably talk about this later.

...

You take her directions and head straight for the door.

...

Halfway through the room, you can't help but stop. A thought just occurred to you.

"Wait, you weren't sure I was going to be awake, right?" you ask.

She doesn't answer.

"Well, it's good to know you were going to bathe me while I was unconscious. I'll keep that in mind for later."

It takes a moment, but you hear her choke up.

"Anon! Go!"

"Okay, fine. But if this closet turns out to lead into that bathroom, you're going to want an alibi!"

"I- For Celestia's sake Anon, I was supposed to make sure you didn't just die or something. Nothing more, nothing less!"

"Yet still, a nurse wasn't called to do the weird stuff like that, hmm?"

Suddenly, a horn is poking into your lower back.

"Go! If you want to talk, then go now!"

"Jeez, fine! I'm going!"

She pushes you a few times, probably leaving a few marks on your poor back, but you respond in kind by casually shoving a foot backwards and tripping her up.

You can hear hostile magic being charged.

You book it into the bathroom and close the door behind you.

"I'll remember that!" she shouts after you.

"I hope so, because being moody doesn't suit you!"

You hear magic surge in the corner of the room. Turning your head to investigate, it seems that she froze the hot water pipes leading to the shower. And the bath- which seemed to have been prepared beforehand- has just been KIA.

Fucker.

"Ohoh- I hope you realize that it's on now!"

"You have five minutes!"

You don't want to know what she'll do, so you decide to move quickly with what you have.

Twilight let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and a small smile started to form. But not the happiest one.

After all this time, after every awkward, terse moment they had since then...

Then they go back to acting like they used to in less than five minutes. Even when their last interaction was a complete disaster. One that he vowed to... 'fix.'

The smile dropped, and her breathing became strained.

She had to ask herself again if this was Celestia's plan all along. To get them to make amends. Another unnatural vision of what would happen if she was here to watch over him as he recovered.

It wouldn't explain all of her behaviour, but it would for a significant portion.
Plus, her mentor was known for tormenting all of her students. There was a reason why ponies that ~~survived~~ came out of Princess Celestia's school for gifted unicorns were... weird.

If this was another time, she might've come to a revelation at that.

...

She sighed, taking another glance at the clock. Four minutes had passed. The water went off.

Now the real question was, how was she going to explain everything to him? Especially when she had several questions of her own.

For instance, why didn't he get a letter about the pickup? And even more importantly, how did he not realize that the timberwolves had incited an evacuation of the town?
And even-even more importantly, why did nopony get him in the first place?

...

She probably should've been the one to do it. Even if he wouldn't have been happy to see her.
In fact, ponies around the town probably assumed that she would have been the one to do it.

She hadn't even thought of him.

...

She had an odd knack of making herself sad over things like this.
This revelation, at least, allowed her a small self-deprecating chuckle.

Even if there was a chance they'd go back to that, this would be worth a shot, right?
They were still technically old friends... and their friendship never officially ended. It just got terse for a while.

"I can... I can do this. It'll be easy! After all, I'm the princess of-"

A shriek befitting Rarity came from the closet, breaking her from her thoughts.

Spurred on by the sudden chaos, she leapt into action, practically running into the sliding doors as she opened them.

There, she saw... Anon huddled over something.

Scraps of cloth, it looked like. Black and white-

It was the remains of his suit. A sad casualty of war that came from the tragic events of that day.
Or at least, that's probably how Rarity would have put it.

Though even if he did love the suit...

"Anon... why did you scream like you were being murdered?"

"Those damn dirty dogs... they chewed it up..."

Somehow, she felt that he was trying to cope in his unique way again.

He remained there, prone, for a long minute. Holding the scraps close, and never letting go.

Until he started laughing, of course. It started low, but it gained traction very quickly.

"Twilight... I really need to know. What the fuck happened in Ponyville, and should I be concerned that the clothes I were wearing are now just a really modern fashion statement?" While the genuine question was present in his voice, he was definitely preoccupied with laughing everything out first.

She tried to show nothing, only giving him a concerned look.

"I can see your terrible poker face showing, Twilight. Did I go super-saiyan or something?"

She felt cursed to have asked him what that was once, as her expression quickly broke.

"N-no... it was more like... the complete opposite."

"Details?"

"You tripped over the guard and went head-first into a cookware stand. After getting knocked out cold, the timberwolves nearby took the opportunity to use you as a living squeaky toy. And-uh..." She pointed at the scraps with a hoof.

"Ah. Should I thank the guard from before for my life, then?"

She was barely holding back her own laughter.

"N-not really. After all, you probably wouldn't have done it if she didn't-"

"You underestimate my stupidity, Twiggles."

She couldn't hold the laughter back at all.

"Y-you're right. Honestly, I can't think of any scenario where you don't come out of Ponyville like that. Even if you were evacuated!"

Anonymous paused, sending her a look that asked a lot more than she was prepared to answer at the moment.

While their laughter died down, the jovial atmosphere remained at the very least.

"Oh... yeah, that."

Okay, so that was a lot of information to absorb.

After vacating the dark confines of the grave once known as a 'closet,' you got dressed (since apparently Twilight had arranged for your necessities to be grabbed from home- from clothes, to your toothbrush, and apparently your dog too. Though Floofy was currently with Fluttershy.) Though since you had no reason to wear anything fancy anymore, you went with absolute comfort.
Also, it was getting close to the evening.

Ponies didn't understand human fashion anyways. Sweaters and PJs are officially everyday wear. And formal wear.
Also, the bastards who transported all of your good shirts got them wrinkled. They will pay in due time.

Though that's not the important part.

The important parts were the circumstances of... well, everything. Or at least, everything she knew or cared to tell you.

To put it short, some sort of MacGuffinite (you didn't bother to remember the name) exploded in the everfree, and most of the creatures were repelled from it. Screaming as they went, reportedly.

As most of the creatures just made mad dashes towards any form of shelter nearby, several packs of timberwolves decided to make their home in Ponyville. After a very-thorough and very-speedy evacuation, it was left as a ghost-town in all but two days.

Apparently something similar had happened on the frontier a few weeks ago- and most of the day-guard were dealing with the exploded MacGuffin that caused chaos among the buffalo and ponies of Appleloosa.
Considering that it was parasprites, they did sort of have to deal with it before a locust-like swarm engulfed everything. So they couldn't just be called back to deal with the situation or split up. They needed the manpower. Or-uh, ponypower.

After a quick census of the population included everybody but you among the evacuees, Princess Celestia wanted to have you transported here (as a good ruler does,) but didn't really have the means. Princess Luna- with the very-infrequently-used and newly-reformed night-guard still on standby- volunteered to sort it out.

From what she knew, Twilight told you that Luna was supposed to send out a letter to warn you to stay inside while a small party came to fetch you. Also, apparently a significant portion of the night-guard was sent to Ponyville to drive out the Timberwolves after you were to be picked up, and they're working on it now. Though a portion stayed to man the castle on a skeleton-crew.

Though details beyond that weren't in her area of expertise. Something to investigate later. Particularly about the missing letter.

After the chaos started (and abruptly ended due to your sliight amount of stupidity,) you were shipped up to Canterlot on a stretcher. She didn't go into details, but in her own words "If you had scars, you'd probably look like a cheeseboard."
Magic is magic.
It also explained your lack of clothes and the state of the poor pile of cloth that needed a proper viking burial.

Though the pain you felt earlier and the applied numbness was due to a few... side-effects of what they had to use on you. Apparently they had to resort to alchemic solutions since you are technically a creature that doesn't absorb much magic. Normal magic just wasn't quite cutting it.
If this wasn't pony-land and you hadn't lost a leg or two- temporarily- before, you might've freaked out over the fact that you were probably moments from death.

So to put it short, the pain wasn't because of the bumps to the head. It was because of the medicine.

She undid the spell keeping the numbness on one of your fingers, just to show you why it was there. It felt like it was covered with napalm.

So yeah, you're sticking to her like dried glue for a while.

But that was essentially the extent of everything, other than a few other smidgens of information spread about.

...

Somewhere in the interim, you'd fixed up the bed you were apparently confined to for the stay- which was one of the rarer cases, being placed in the castle. Supposedly a way for Celestia to 'apologize' for everything that had happened in Ponyville- and took a seat. Eventually, Twilight stopped pacing while spitting out information and took a very similar position next to you.

The growing silence and realization that both of you had nothing else to speak about was becoming slightly noticeable as time went on.

Something that you could fix with another topic entirely.

"Well, that was a productive info-dump," you laugh, stretching out from a prolonged period of thinker-posing. "Though I've just come to realize I feel as hungry as a horse."

That was a classic joke you used to trip up Twilight. It still seemed to work, as she let out a loud laugh before covering her mouth with a hoof.
And only then did you hear the groan.

Ice: Broken.

"If you don't make another joke like that, I'll order something up," she offers/threatens.

"Nah. I need a trot anyways," you answer, giving another hearty stretch (and a groan) as you stand up. Twilight's groan follows not too soon afterwards. "Plus, I do have a few questions, just in case we run into a certain nightly-pony. Said pony you probably have questions for as well?"

Twilight just nods and gets up with a similar stretch.

...

She grew an inch or two since you last saw her. Considering the fact that Celestia was about as tall as you- minus the horn. They're for cheaters, anyways- it was actually a noticeable difference.

You give her a pat on the head, just to assert dominance anyways. You will impose to the grave.
And hopefully said grave comes before alicorn-cheats gets her to be taller than you, or something stupid like that.

After shaking your hand off, she gives off a little huff before making her way to the door.
Headpats are now a part of your new arsenal.

Wait- have you even booped Twilight before?

"Questions for later, Anon," you remind yourself as you follow after her.

You'd just about arrived in the dining hall. And somewhere along the way, you'd managed to strike up a few casual conversations with Books.

After all, there was certainly a lot to catch up on.

Or at least, a lot to listen to. Your years of hermitting were a bit... uneventful.

Though you did manage to tell her about your weird encounter with Celestia in the throne-room. Not particularly when or why, but generally about everything that went on during and after.

She was intrigued. She wouldn't tell you why.
It was a bit suspicious.

Nonetheless, the lingering smell of food was an attractive prospect.

You were a tad bit too late to catch the crowd- something Twilight was going to fix in the morning, apparently- but it was pretty normal for guests to come in later for something to nibble on.

Usually, it's desserts. Twilight did specify that chocolate-cake is not a good recovery food.
But what does she know, anyway?

She trots ahead of you once you see the doors, and politely opens them.
If you weren't technically recovering from being injured and the doors weren't literally covered in gold, you might've taken offence to that.

...

The room itself is... decidedly massive. And is equally embellished as the throne-room.
Definitely a frequent party location.

The sight that has you thrown off the most though, is the presence of Celestia at the end of one of the tables. If it wasn't for the 'I have sorrows I need to forget' levels of chocolate cake in front of her, you might've been more concerned.

That doesn't mean your heart doesn't threaten to have an attack anyways, though. After all, the imposing goddess-whose-snoot-was-tarnished was here.

She pauses mid-bite to see who entered the room. Once she spots you, she seems to choke on her food for a moment.

You're frozen, and completely unsure if the guillotine is coming out or not.

After a few moments to recover from her fit of coughing, she abruptly gets up, gaze snapping over to Twilight. "Tw-Twilight! A pleasure. I see our guest has woken!" she somehow sounds as stressed as you are.

That only strengthens your fear.

Twilight starts to poke your lower back with a horn until you start moving. She whispers something along the lines of "she's greeting us- get moving!" to you.

Celestia takes a hesitant step back.

Looks like the memory of a few months is about as fresh on her mind as it is on yours.
Now you're down five bits too-

After the effort to relocate you across the room is expended and both of the tallest beings in the room have shared at least 12 terrified looks, Twilight finally gets the opportunity to speak. "W-well, he was asleep until about an hour ago. He wanted to get something to eat, and I saw this as a good time to report his state! A-and look at that, you're here in the dining hall!"

She gives out one of her classic 'oh god how could this get worse' set of laughs. At least she read the mood of the room.

"So as you see, he's doing fine! Hurting a bit because of the medicine, but fine!" she finishes, taking her gaze anywhere else in the room.

And considering that Celestia was giving you all of her attention, Twilight had every reason to do so.

In some ways, it was almost like she was expecting you to do something. Even if you were locked eye-to-eye, it was obvious that she was tense. The neck leaning back and the ears at full mast were a dead give-away.

Though she did also seem a bit... entranced.

...

Celestia suddenly snaps her gaze away from you, and her dish from earlier immediately takes a lift from the table.

"W-well, it's always good to see a subject in good health!" she starts, but her gaze- and subsequently, her attention- quickly shifts over to Twilight. She also seems to suddenly gain the composure of a saint. "Though I will have to take my leave earlier than planned. Considering recent events, I have much work to do," her voice is even calm enough to push away a few of your own fears.

She leans down to give Twilight the smallest of nuzzles. "I am sorry I could not chat, Twilight, but I've had a busy day. I must retire for the night, and this was planned to be a snack anyways," she says, gesturing casually to her dessert.

Twilight seems equally flustered to your terrified and tries to jumble out some words. You think it was somewhere along the lines of "oh that's okay, you have a lot to do, and we were busy anyway!" but it was probably twice the length of that.

You're still paralyzed.

Celestia's horn starts to glow brighter for a moment, seemingly going for a teleport, but suddenly dies down. She looks over towards you, and... smiles.

Out of seemingly nowhere- or maybe just because you're starting to experience some tunnel-vision and didn't see it- the Princess suddenly pushes a hoof out, lightly tapping your nose. You're stunned.

She uses that opportunity to lean in and whisper "consider that payback," before casually brushing past you.

Then she teleports away.

...

Well, that just kicked all your expectations where it hurt.

Author's Note

Oh, remember when I said 'revision'?
I meant it.

Well then- this is already a much different turn of events than before. Probably because I'm capitalizing on the tags I'm using now fully instead of adding things while flying by the seat of my pants- but what can you do?

For the folks missing a few plot-points and events- several of them will come back in different forms and at different times, but for now, they'll be lying in wait to be used to the fullest extent.

This isn't as much as I would have written to throw out if I had the opportunity- but after the seventieth attempt to write these chapters, I finally understand why my elementary teachers warned me that you'll rewrite a draft like 50 times if you really care about it.

Oh yeah. I plan to have a lot of fun with this, worry you not!

1.5 - Pony Uno (tm)

Author's Note

Welcome to the first (.5) chapter, where I write down whatever crazy thing that may or may not be important to the plot- but I damn well enjoy writing anyways.

May god have mercy on our souls.

1.5 - Pony Uno (tm)

Once you and Twilight recovered from... that, the two of you made the executive decision to sit down and eat something instead of 404ing.

It turned out to be a not-half-bad choice, as you learned one vital piece of information not too soon afterwards.

This is a castle. This is the capital building of a nation. You were placed in a guest suite. This confirms a few things.

But the only thing which matters right now is that something you have been deprived of has returned to your hands.

Because you see, foreign dignitaries came to the castle every now and then. That meant that the chefs had to be flexible as all hell, and able to fill any palette out there so that Equestria seemed as 'welcoming' as it tried to be. At least in doctrine.

To stop mincing words- they had beef. Beef from non-sentient griffonian sources.

They had ham. Apparently, this was something the apples produced. They never told you.

They had lamb (another non-sentient variety- though this one oddly came from the hippogryphs.)

They had turkey.

They had chicken.

To put it short, you ended up having the greatest carnivore's feast of the century. And since Twilight couldn't disprove the fact that the protein would help you recover what little left you still had to...

You're in nirvana.
You're also humming one of their songs.

You're also about to pass out.

The purple menace shoves you in the side, barely keeping you awake.
You were just resting your head for a minute! It's her fault that she couldn't see your eyes open under your arms.

But it may or may not have been your fault that they were closed anyway.

You flop an arm at Books and try to fend her off. "We shtill need tuh talhk to Luna. Dish best way."

Oh fuck, hearing yourself, you are tired.
Twilight might've mentioned something about the medicine keeping you asleep for a day or two.
You might've forgotten that the moment she told you.

"Okay, one, she's probably awake by now and doing whatever she needs to do. So she probably isn't dream-walking right now. Two, she'll likely be in here to eat something soon, so you'll have a better opportunity to talk to her if you're awake!" Right on cue, purps shoves you out of your chair, sending you tumbling into the floor.

There may be carpet in the building- but it's on top of the marble. Ow.

You don't bother recovering fully and instead resort to flopping onto your back. "How shoon is 'hshoon'?"

"Probably... an hour," Twilight shrugs, looking at what you can only assume is a clock in the distance.

"G'night," you counter, closing your eyes.

"Fine. No more meat, then."

You pop a single eye open only to give her a death-glare.

It's a very short-lasting death-glare as you see Twilight holding the one thing that keeps you awake- no matter what- in front of her.

Pony Uno (tm).

You casually climb to your feet in approximately a single second before clumsily shambling back to your chair.

"Hit me."

She does. Literally.

You can't express how much you missed this.

In a mostly-tired daze, you grab the offensive hoof and scoop her into a hug. Because damn the consequences- she plays off of you well, and she has Pony Uno (tm).

To your surprise, she doesn't actually resist. She snuggles into you instead.

You can't hear what she said, but she takes about 5 seconds away from your Pony Uno (tm) game before moving to another chair to play.

You stare down at your last four cards, giving Twilight your best poker-face. So far, your last card on the table had been a green reverse. Useless in a two-man game, sure, but it was worth it. You wanted to screw with her and make it look like you were out of greens.

Instead of taking out a trump-card or something (like a +2), she puts down a green 6.

You fool!

You look down at your deck and suddenly give a shit-eating grin.

Twilight looks horrified.

One-by-one, you put down the first four cards you got in the game. 4 +4's.

"Checkmate. Oh, and Pony Uno (tm) too, I guess."

Twilight starts sputtering wildly. She stares at the four cards and also makes the connection.

"Those were your first..."

"Yep."

She looks ready to fire out some sort of accusation, but you casually take the reverse out from under the other 5 cards.

"You were the one who shuffled the deck this time Twilight, not me. Cosmological chances say 'fuck you.'"

Her head hits the table with a hard thump.

1.5.5 - Long Nights, Fizzling Alicorn

Long nights. Long nights were the worst. Despite the irony that statement held due to some circumstances, Princess Luna still kept that feeling close to heart.

The last weeks had been... painful, to say the least, for the Princess of The Night, and All It Entails. Nightmare after nightmare, hidden under a large block of new dreams that floated around Canterlot like... 'tumours' wasn't a very nice word for it, but 'benign tumour' fit a lot better... suffice to say, it was, as the younger ponies might say, 'the literal worst' to deal with.

At the very least she had a very soft bed to help her escape her duties for at least a moment. The comfort made all the difference, in her honest opinion. If it could ease an aching back, it could ease an aching soul...

Now if only she could shake this headache that had been growing this past... since her return. Years, maybe? It didn't worry her too much quite honestly, slipping back rather actively into the 'dream-warden' position certainly would have a cost, and that seemed a reasonable one.

But the clear feeling that something was wrong when the headaches got worse didn't help at all. Neither were the gaps in memory she was apparently experiencing.

After all, when Tia had thanked her for relaying a message to one of the more odd denizens of Ponyville... she could neither remember the name, nor even doing such a thing. Which was even more worrying, considering she had apprently dream-walked to relay it.

She sighed and burried her head under the blankets. Rest. That's what she needed. Lots of rest.

... Glancing at a clock placed every convenient over her door, she saw quite clearly that she probably should've been heading to the throne at this time, as if anypony would be there. Or the dining-room, as if there would be anypony to entertain in the first place. Or a chef to serve her!

Many a strongly-worded letter had been relayed before to her sister. Perhaps another one was due.

She'd spend five more minutes under the sheets before she would even consider that, however... Her horn ached. Her magic was rebelling. And her body was reminding her that while her mind may gallop faster than anypony except perhaps her sister, her everything else most certainly did not.

... She was woefully out of shape. She hadn't even noticed the physical tax of dream-walking before, or barely registered it...

Snorting at her own trailing mind, she planted her head on her pillow, stretched out into a position that would be both painful and undesirable to move from, and made a very terrible decision. A sleeping spell. From a partially burnt-out alicorn.

After all- what could go wrong? She needed some rest, anyways, riiiight?

'OwowowowowOWOWOWOW-'

Sadly, Luna had a track-record for making terrible decisions.

Author's Note

In the immortal words of Wheatley- I'm not dead!

Sorry if it's been... Christ, ages since the last upload? Didn't mean to do that.

Writer's block is certainly... a fickle mistress. Though I suppose in my case it's been more of a general "creativity-block," and to be frank, it still hasn't ended.

So, in an effort to push my way through it, I'm trying to force myself to write. I wouldn't expect quality (not like I put out anything of quality anyways, hah!) but I should hopefully get some words out from time to time.

I can tell you this, in absolute confidence, though: I've been thinking about this story through this entire weird impromptu break, and I have no intentions to leave it incomplete forever, or in permanent hiatus hell. I saw a notification once from someone adding my story to their 'cancelled' bookshelf, and I slap you good sir with a glove marked with all chaos gods- for I shall have none of that!

Anyways I'm rambling. And This is probably a super-long Author's Notes. Oop.

Anyways, enjoy what I'm teasing here. I love all of you folks, and even if I'm a pretty shitty writer, I hope you all know I do very much appreciate every one of you, even those who dislike the story. It's an honour to write anything at all, and knowing that a few of my stories even got popular at all is... frankly mind-boggling.

Gah, I'm being sappy. Free me from this eternal torment.

May the powers of Choas Undivided light your day, and here's hoping I can continue this before the year ends, properly!

2 - Sunrise

Approximately 6 AM
Canterlot Castle, Princess's Halls

The morning was greeted with a loud yawn and a rather disappointed sigh as Celestia made her way out of her personal chambers.

The morning might still be young, but... well, her ponies tended to wake with the rising sun, as she usually did as well. And due to having her hooves full recently, she had to wake a bit earlier than normal to attend to a few personal matters...

Her rather accurate internal clock wasn't a blessing at all in these circumstances. Not to mention it made her poor heart want to rebel when it, rather rightfully, pointed out that the earlier she was awake, the less time she could steal during the day to at least find somepony to bother.

That wasn't even mentioning the recent bouts of chaos that had ruined her plans to abuse the later sunrise in the latter half of the year. Sleeping in was a rare luxury she enjoyed very much. Even if the same fact that it would take some time away from socializing still stood.
Though that was still assuming she could find somepony to talk to properly who wasn't an opportunistic politician looking to gain something from the conversation.

The makers clearly had something against her recently. Or, at least, a bit more than they usually did.

And-uh. Considering her... binge last night, they would probably punish her for trying to burry her woes in a pile of sweets, as well... Again.

Reality was often disappointing.

Giving her head a light shake- releasing a few stray particles of water that never seemed to get out of her mane until at least two hours after she bathed- she did what she always did. Put on the very well-crafted mask of an 'unfazeable princess' and decided to bury her woes where they usually went.

Nowhere.

Celestia was, of course, painfully aware that she lacked an outlet to adequately blow off some steam. But she was also painfully aware that her schedule wasn't the best for even figuring out that sort of thing.
Nor had it been for a very long time.

...

She could think about something else. The parliament's meeting later this week, perhaps?

She was sick of talking to herself.

No, that wasn't entirely accurate. She was sick of talking to herself about this.

She could talk to herself about quite literally anything else. But she chose politics.

If one values their sanity, they never choose politics. The frustration and internal pain was never worth it.
Or if you value your friendships. Those too, probably.

At the very least, she was smart enough to choose a path through the castle that brought her near the fewest guards possible today. Mostly so she could silent-yell at herself and not worry too much about being given looks.

... Other looks. Yes, she got a lot of them, but other. Looks.

She obviously had a very positive mindset today. And wasn't frustrated with anything at all.

And how odd it would be, she imagined, if somepony saw the unfazed princess of well over a thousand years yelling silently at herself with a perfectly pleasant smile.

By the stars, she was looking forward to her destination most of all.

Partly because she could, quite literally, stop and smell the roses for a moment. Before they started to lose their lustre as the weather changed rather fitfully in the days to come.

And, just maybe, she could find a gardener to torment endlessly as a source of conversation again. Even if they did get wiser to her techniques every time, changing their shifts slightly or working in hard-to-see places... it's almost like they didn't like having their ears talked out or something, hmm?

At the very least they listened... the entire garden was brilliant this year. Having a bit of insider's knowledge about how the earth's magics react to plants does tend to give a bit of an advantage to anypony seeking to get a raise, most certainly...

And the smart ones knew how to be in the right place at the right time to have their ears assaulted just enough to recieve that raise. Others sometimes suffered enough for promotion.

Was she a princess? Yes. Did she abuse her position for personal gain? She'd consider that later.
Maybe a few decades...

Despite the chill the night still brought, and the difficulties seeing that also entailed, Celestia couldn't help but smile at the state of the castle's gardens.

It might've even been better than the last time she was here, a few days past, and it was certainly a pleasant surprise. Many times in the past... several years, she'd leave it at that- her ponies had neglected the gardens ever so slightly come the fall. But this year? Certainly not!

It was a bit hard to describe, in her own opinion, the state that it was in right now. It was... tranquil. Leaves strewn about, even some on the paths, in perhaps the most unnaturally natural way. The trees, while still mostly leaved, were slowly making it known that within the next coming months they'd badly need another clearing before the winter came. The flowers themselves were making one last defiant stand in the dark, waiting intently for the sun to rise so they could deliver their last parcels of pollen or seeds to be stored someplace safe through the winter. And not to mention that, despite a bit worse for wear with the temperature being a few degrees below what they might consider comfortable, the grass was waiting patiently to continue doing what it does best- absorb sunlight and fill the rest with green.

... Part of her wanted to investigate the state of the mazes now, too. She knew very well that the gardeners sometimes left secret little patches of greenery inside of it. A sort of gift for those curious. And considering that they were clearly going out of their way to end the greener periods of the year with a show, she was quite tempted.

But staying in the main sections... probably wasn't wise at all. Considering that she would have to raise the sun soon, she'd prefer to have a view of the horizon, rather than simply 'guessing it.'
She'd had plenty of bad experiences with ponies freaking out when she made the mistake of 'guessing it' when in bed. Or in the bath. Or while trying to steal a snack. Or...
Suffice it to say, she'd had many bad experiences.

And having an entire nation on her shoulders? Making mistakes was to be avoided at all costs.

Moving towards one of the distant decks overseeing an edge of the castle, she knew precisely where she would do it. There was a small, secluded little fountain that she never let be replaced... For the simple reason that it had a habit of reflecting the light off of her own sunrise perfectly...

As she found her way around the edge of the gardens, Celestia found herself- for once- at a lack of what to think about. While the twilight slowly settled itself in the distance, her sun patiently awaiting her command behind the horizon, she was... at a sort of peace, for once in a long time.

It was... nice.

'6:35, about,' her internal clock silently reminded her, as she continued to move along in the... blank state she found herself in.

It would be around 7 that the sun would rise proper at this time of year. Mid-to-late september, about, actually...
She and her sister knew very well about the cycles that were supposed to take place in the skies, and tried their best to follow them. Though while her sister had it easy most of the time, just waiting for the sun to set as per tradition, Celestia had the, even awkward at times, responsibility of keeping track when she should raise the sun. She did tend to round up or down, prefering intervals of 10 minutes or so, but it didn't change how... awkward it could be.

She liked september. September was a calm month for the skies. Little drift. Little to think of. Slow politics, slow days...

Now if only the rest of the universe could agree that september should be a calm month. The foals and fillies of Equestria certainly wouldn't be complaining, for one.

Neither would. Most of Ponyville, for that matter.

And there goes her empty mind. Joy.

With a sigh, she rounded a final corner on the gardens, leading to a small, secluded area by one of the towers nearest the edge of the cliffs on this side of the city.

And there it was. A small, aging fountain, and a small balcony nearby to acompany its state of slight disrepair...

Perhaps it said something that she wouldn't let her ponies fix this area up much, beyond cleaning and gardening... but it felt somewhat like an old companion to her. Another old soul, chugging along, holding on, no matter how many small cracks might find their way in, or how many times things might spill over...

Though she might be quite biased on that last part. The secluded nature of this area had... been a great companion, many, many years ago. Away from prying eyes...
Nobody can see you cry...

With a final, perhaps more pleasant sigh, she closed her eyes, and left her hooves to bring her where they may. Today would start out good, if she had anything to say about it.

Bump.

... 'Celestia, how many times, must you remind yourself... don't close your eyes when you're walking!'

Peeling her eyes open slowly, she saw quite quickly what it was.

The balcony.

That could have ended up badly.

Giggling at her own antics, she turned back towards the fountain. Maybe she should just sit down and enjoy the fresh air for a mo-

Oh. She... didn't notice that somepo-er-creature else was already here. Doing just that.

A rather familiar human.

... Who... somehow hadn't noticed her?

It was... odd. He was just. Sitting there, on the edge of the fountain. He had a mug filled with something that had long since gone cold, and... was staring into it silently.

His eyes blank, he was not even responding to the colder winds still blowing through. Even as time passed, it didn't seem to bother him.

Now, Celestia had plenty of experience dealing with ponies who were clearly not having a good day. After all, there were many that she had personally brought under her wing over the years- with all the responsibilities of having someone so close to you brought.

This, though?

Somehow this intimidated her.

And she didn't even know why.

Anonymous
Not really sure what time it is, to be frank. Don't really care.
Somewhere in the garden, think I got lost.

This year just really wasn't your year, huh?

Cowards always have excuses for a reason, you know...

So, let's put it to a simple list:

First, you continue your trend of being an antisocial dickhead, and somehow convince yourself- granted in a completely fucked mental state, to the point that you're impressed you could even walk properly- that it was somehow good.
At least that one earned you at least seven pans to the forehead. Thank you, universe. No, seriously, thank you.

Second, combined with the earlier one, you got mauled by timberwolves, all of ponyville is apparently in Canterlot right now, and the town is being swept. And you didn't really get official notice until right when you were in the middle of that shitty situation.
Pleasant. Very pleasant.

Third, you somehow managed to get this close to patching things up with Twilight, maybe sorting out the rest, deal with some shit left over from other shitty years, and you just...
You froze.
You couldn't do it!

Twilight was there. Practically squeezing the life out of you, desperately trying to find some way to connect with you again. And you fucking blew it!

You sigh. Dejection was a wonderful feeling, wasn't it?

If it weren't for the fact that your hot chocolate was probably colder than a sealed tomb, you might've taken a sip.

Y'know. Not really for the actual whole 'hot chocolate is good' thing, and more for the fact that the dark kind of mirror the liquid was creating was honestly not improving your mood at all.

You... You don't like this face you've chosen to wear. Not anymore.

Actually, while you can still... Feel it at the edge of your mind.

Four, that weird migraine that won't go away and keeps coming back is throwing you off.
Yeah, you'd had migraines since you arrived in Equestria. Twilight mentioned something about being 'magically resistant, but not immune,' and since it gets in your head whether you want it to or not, it could do some weird things. Headaches included.
But this was just... so persistent.

Maybe when you get home you can see if a doctor can help you see someone about it. Magical or not, it's overall not a positive when you're trying to fix the rest of this mess, floundering or not.

... You were even slowly getting tired of cursing in your own head.

Tonight was. A mess.

This year was a mess!

"Fuck's sake..."

You didn't want any of this building up send you over any sort of edge. But right now? It was hard not to.

The air around you suddenly started to bite into you again. It was there all along, but it was only now becoming noticeable.

Your mind was kind of busy, after all.

... Or maybe you needed an excuse to shiver, maybe let a few tears escape. Wind's a good excuse for that one.

Excuses only get you so far, though...

Time. Tirek. Cowardice. Choosing the wrong person to be...

It went well over the edge, and cascaded at some point.

Who knows? Maybe pooling at whatever bottom there is, it eroded something important. Something that made you you, when you first came here.

Or maybe you're just being self-indulgent, wallowing in your own pity, and getting some sick amusement out of it.

There was probably some truth to it all. Misery enjoys reminding you of it, after all

Anxiety. Depression. The best of friends, those two. One of them tells you to not do something, out of fear that it could go wrong. The other takes out the knife, and twists it into your heart for every little thing you've never done.

You got yourself here. Maybe you weren't supposed to get out, anyways.

After all. When's the last time you didn't fuck up, honestly?

Though you about jumped out of your skin when a voice suddenly piped up next to you, "you know, I can tell when a mind is wandering... Never really the specifics, after all, I'm not omniscient, as useful as that may be, but I would like to remind you, dear Anonymous, that the difference between being alone and lonely becomes very apparent at the worst of times..."

Of course, you couldn't really do much after that when you were suddenly surrounded on all sides by a pair of wings, and a warm body suddenly pressing against yours.

... You didn't need to be a genius to know who it was. This feeling, the colour, the smell... it was familiar.
Unforgettable.

"... Though I would also like to kindly remind you, at this moment, you are neither. Should you believe it or not."

You... don't really know how to react to this. At all. A common theme with this one, obviously.

... But you were comfortable. Very comfortable. You're not sure what it is about alicorns, but it was almost like they could push out whatever aura they wanted. This one was just... calming. Warm.

Hard to describe, honestly.

You didn't want to move, though. That much was beyond certain.

After all, hiding your face would probably be smart right now. Guys don't cry in front of others- that's just how it is.

I mean, you're 'Anon,' right? You're just... the funny guy who appears from time to time. And makes people laugh...

God, you're sick of being 'Anon.'

"Take all the time you need. I have a free hour or so before breakfast, if I push it..." Celestia's voice started, only pushing out more of that unaturally calming aura from her, "oh, and it's almost seven, by the way. The sun will rise soon, and I fear you might've been up all night."

"I'll be fine. Nothing I haven't done before," you manage to reply, if heavily muffled under her everything.

You could hear her hum for a moment, a bit of amusement coming to her. "Mm, but not very healthy, especially when we're in a mood like this, hmm?"

"I'll be fine," you repeat.

"The last pony who kept telling me that ended up on the moon for a while, so excuse me if I don't quite believe you," she pressed, her wings unfurling slightly on your back, gently leading you backwards.

You didn't like that she was doing that. Calling you out like that. Even if she was right.

"I'll... be fine," you reply one more time, not really sure what to say.

You weren't even resisting at this point. Whatever emotions strangled their way out were done doing whatever they were going to do, and despite a few marks or so, you were... probably fine.

The feeling of the cold air wasn't welcome at all when she lead you back to your spot, though. Probably wasn't wise to get like this out here, your face is probably going to remind you harshly of that in a bit. Dampness and cold don't mix well.

She hadn't fully released you at this point however, leaving a single wing against your back.

When you inevitably looked up in her direction, though, with a small smile, her horn lit up.

And at that moment... You weren't sure if this was just a dream.

With a special kind of grace, and a warmth flowing through you as she did it, the entire sky changed tones, as in front of you both, the sun rose above the horizon, cutting away at any of the cold you had felt. The orange colour itself seemed to be flowing through everything it got behind, and the sun didn't seem painful to look at... it was just there. Calming. Warm.

If it were different circumstances, you might've just fallen asleep right there, damn the consequences...

But once she was done, with a light tug of the wing, Celestia brought you both to your feet.

"I won't expect any kind of explanation or answer, Anonymous... But I will make something perfectly clear: This is payback-" And you suddenly found a hoof bounce off your nose, "-For making my life that little bit brighter, not too long ago. And until you smile like I had, at least once..."

A soft, genuine smile came from her...

"You're spending some time with me."

Author's Note

Remember that 'drama' tag? :heart:

3 - Energy Failure

Despite some of her best efforts, Celestia was in a bit of a predicament at the moment.

Part of her knew this was coming. She had put... perhaps a bit more effort than she needed to into what she had just done, but... To be quite honest, she had crumpled completely when she saw Anon start to get emotional like that. As a consequence, she knew she had acted quite hastily as well.

He'd lasted about three benches down the garden's path before he started to lean into her. It was at five that he practically passed out.

Currently, he was tucked up against her side under a wing.

'I know one thing, at least,' she mused silently, 'whatever this is, it's exhausting enough that he passed out onto a practical stranger...'

She could make a few assumptions at that. This wasn't only an emotional thing, clearly. She knew the signs very well, and an 'emotional tired' tended to manifest as a sort of desensitization, more than anything else. And while that did appear, it wouldn't be enough to cause this.

It didn't seem to be physical, but that couldn't really be guessed with any accuracy right now. He'd been up all night, maybe even more, and on top of that she had no way to know if he was worn out like that or not.
And... it didn't help that he'd recently woken up from a few injuries, either.

Social? She didn't know enough about that one, either. But it was also one of the least unlikely, since there wasn't any contradicting evidence for it... and it might help to explain his situation right now.

... Of course, there was also the possibility that she'd... maybe stolen his presence an hour too long before, in the throne room...
Familiarity did tend to help, after all...

Giving her head a small shake, she simply decided to follow her instincts on the matter. She'd do precisely what she promised- spend some time with him, and do her best to make him happy in the interim. She did indeed plan to get every bit of payback she could, especially since his presence only continued to bring up a pleasant memory.

With a light chuckle, and a small adjustment to her wing to make sure her 'companion' here was comfortable, she conjured a piece of paper, a small inkwell, and a feather to write with.

The funny thing, she realised, was that if he had remained awake... she probably would've panicked at some point, trying to figure out where to lead him. A spare room? It would be empty. A general one? It would be used or filled. Canterlot was rather full post-evacuation. Her own quarters? First, rumours, second, the path would probably be filled with ponies, and she highly doubted he was in the mood to put on a brave face.

She knew far too well the kinds of things that could happen when in public, and in a poor mood.

Not to mention she couldn't exactly teleport them there either- the few things she remembered from a few old letters received from her student about their interesting guest here (which were mostly formalities, since an alien from another world could be a bit of a danger, hmm?) noted something particular: A general magical resistance, that took some familiarity and practice to work through properly.

She highly doubted he wanted to experience what it's like to have one's torso and legs... 'disconnected,' so she was wise enough to not try it until she was more familiar with him.

'Ah, almost done,' she noted, filling in the last few lines on the paper she held.

Raven,

Could you please prepare room E-3 for me? I have a sudden guest that's arrived, and we'd like to talk a few things over.

A few chairs, a desk, and maybe a couch would be enough. Don't worry too much about getting anything perfect- it's temporary, and shouldn't be used after today.

My last request will be a bit more difficult for you to fulfil, I know, but could you clear the schedule for today as well? If there is anything critical, please move it to tomorrow, this is a personal matter.

~~

Princess Celestia, Herald of the Sun.

... Now here's hoping she didn't get an earful later. Which she would, anyway.

With a small wince and a flick of her horn, the letter was sent off.

A small 'pulse' on her chest told her it was acknowledged by her aide, but it didn't do much else but make her wince again. An earful!

Sighing, she started to use her magic once again, lightly 'testing' it against the skin of the human next to her. It did indeed have a resistance to it, pushing it back with some force.

Even levitation was going to have a bit of difficulty to it. Hmm...

She gave him a light nudge instead, lightly tugging her wing against his back, trying to lead him to his feet.

"Huh...?" he started to stir, if clearly exhausted.

She eased her tugging slightly, and leaned in to whisper a few soft words, "just follow my lead. You're quite tired, and I'm bringing you someplace we can rest, perhaps talk a bit afterwards as well." She gave him another light nudge, "just follow my lead," she repeated.

He gave what roughly translated to 'alright' in tired-speak, shambling to his feet with her aid.

He was... dead-tired. Oh dear. Not even questioning it.

She'd... have to let him pass out properly on that couch for a while, didn't she?

Clearing her schedule was obviously a good choice. Possibly worth the earful later, if her instincts were leading her correctly here.

After thousands of years, this was certainly a first...

She started to move off towards the nearest entrance to the wing of the castle she'd decided to hold up in today (which, conveniently, was close enough to the kitchen to steal a cup of tea while working on a few bits of paperwork,) with her guest. She set a slow pace, letting him... seemingly shamble along with her.

Today was going to be very interesting, she felt.

Urgh... you feel groggy.

Very groggy.

'Wake up Anon, come on...'

You feel something shift against your side, and hear the flicking of a few papers.

That's not normal, is it?

Flicking an eye open, wincing against the bit of sunlight that assaults your senses when you do so, it doesn't take long to figure out who's there.

Honestly, it's pretty hard to not recognize Celestia. Flowing, multi-coloured mane, bright white coat... You'd have to be pretty dull.

While the grogginess was a bit of a bother, you did remember enough to not freak out completely. After all, she was pretty memorable last...

Wait, was it even a last? You were up all night. Was it this morning? Is it still morning?

You're waking up anyways. It isn't like you're not used to being close to ponies though, kind of a taboo that had to be broken quickly. Hugs aplenty in Equestria. Any kind of freak-out could be reserved for later.

"What time is it?" You manage to groan, propping yourself up slightly, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

"One. You were sleeping for a while," Celestia answered gently, shifting her position to give you a bit more room to adjust.

Well, there goes your sleeping schedule. Again.

Urgh, you still feel out of it. Could use a-
Almost as if she were psychic, a small glass of water was offered to you by a small magical field.

You're warming up to her already.

Taking it with a small thanks, you prop yourself up into a comfortable sitting position. You were definitely a bit more thirsty than you realised, and the entire glass was gone before long.

"Feeling alright?" Her voice rose up again. You just respond with a nod.

You were certainly feeling better than last night, at least. Almost relieved, in a way.

Kind of hard not to when you have a moment like that, honestly.

...

"Thanks," you simply say.

"There's no need to thank me, Anonymous," she answered just as simply.

The light flicking of papers returns, and you're left with the smallest of dilemmas...

What do you do now?

Well, no matter what it is... after burning yourself out like that? You knew one thing at least.

You weren't going to just... sit back and let things happen. You'd have to take the charge on this one.

No, you totally weren't just embarrassed that you passed out.

But... you knew that nothing was going to change here unless you did something about it. And you'd be damned if you ever found yourself in that situation again.

That... resolve you had in Ponyville. Even if it wasn't turned to something productive, it did tell you one thing. You had the energy, and the will to do this.

It was just going to be hard, and dodging the metal pans hitting your forehead was going to be a requirement this time.

"I-uh... can I ask you for a favour?"

Time to bite the bullet. Even if it was sudden- it was better than brooding over this long enough to give yourself an opportunity to chicken out.

The mare next to you shifted in your direction with a clear quizzical look in her eyes.

"I need a friend right now."

You could forget the whole 'goddess' thing for now.
... The crying princess was humanizing enough for you.
Also, she gives great hugs and is warm. You have your priorities.

Author's Note

Excuse the shorter chapter- wanted to get an update out, and fiddle around with writing shorter ones.

Have a nice night, by the way, :heart: Wrote this before bed, so excuse a few typos, or if the writing seems a bit tired, but I've been making the mistake of letting myself get inspired during the day, or at night, and not writing because I'm doing something else. I'm making an effort to solve this, as well.

Hopefully I can get this story moving with somewhat of a pace to it- I've plans, damnit... Inspiration calls!

4 - Long Talks

"You need... a friend?" Celestia asked with a touch of amusement to her, giving you what you could best describe as 'a pretty weird look.'

Not the best reaction, but serviceable.

"Yeah. A friend. Hopefully someone who can help me figure out how to do a few things I'm totally lost on right now."

... Nope, nevermind, you're making it sound like a contract or something. After all, being groggy was the best time to do this, obviously.

'No chickening out,' you remind yourself, trying to think of something to follow that up with to dampen the blow.

...

Nope, you've got nothing.
Shit!

...

"That's... perhaps the most direct, yet indirect way anypony has ever asked me for help," she says with a laugh, shifting a bit away so she can get a good look at you.

"So-uh... I haven't outed myself as completely socially inept?"

You manage to steal another laugh from her- which is probably overall a positive.
Yeah, the mood definitely needed to be lightened right now.

"That's yet to be seen," she continues after a few more stray laughs, "but you could have... just asked for help, you know?"

That's a really good point that you hadn't even thought of.
Yep, you're totally awake right now.

"Probably, yeah. Except I'm maybe a bit out of practice acting like a normal person right now," you just outright admit it.

This time, the both of you start to laugh.

"I might... have tried to argue that, but I'm afraid I may be in the same kind of situation," she admitted as well, "I believe I've been... starved of conversation, much less friendship, for a very long time. It might be showing."

...

Okay, so maybe waking up against her should've been more of a panic response, and you were both just being dumb right now.

That laughter, though? It's doing some wonders.

The both of you probably needed it.

It took a little bit to wind down, but in the end, you knew one thing for certain: Alicorns are normal people. Except crazier, and they're probably stupidly powerful.
A good thing to know moving forward.

But anyways, you decided in the interim to actually... talk about what's going on recently, at least on the one front you really needed some help on right now.

Twilight.

It was honestly a bit harder to do than you'd like to admit, and at some point it was kind of like you... fazed out. There was still some emotional baggage there, and you definitely felt it.

At the very least you actually had someone to talk to this about, so it wasn't as bad as it was before, but still.

"So... you stopped talking to her when?"

Except this one part you weren't exactly looking forward to touching up on. You were basically moving backwards, from the most recent stuff, to the older things.

"A few years back. You know what happened to the library in Ponyville?"

"The Golden Oaks? Well, yes, I was personally involved with Tirek's invasion, but..."

She paused, looking over at you.

"Well... uh... you know how it got blasted, right?"

She didn't say a word, just continuing to probe at you. It took a lot of will to keep a decent poker-face right now.

"Well, I was... still living there at the time. This was before I got my own place."

It was incredibly awkward trying to come up with a good segue here.

"So you were... inside? When that happened?"

"Yeah..."

There was a tangible pause that followed, and you could almost feel her tense up slightly.

"I'm so-"

"Don't," you start, raising a hand to pause her, "if you're worried about me getting scarred or anything, I had years to get over that part. Trust me. I won't go into the whole speech, because honestly, I've had like three separate people talk to me about it professionally before, and I don't need to get into it again. Yeah, I was trapped inside as the place got blown. Yeah, I was buried under the rubble. I was in the hospital for weeks, and yes, I got some bad injuries from it. Lost a damn leg, actually, but Equestrian medicine is dumb and breaks literally all of the rules, including but not limited to re-attaching limbs. And Celestia? You don't have to do that thing where people get sorry about things they had or have no control over. I'm fine. That's not the part that pushed me away from Twilight at the time."

Celestia was genuinely thrown off for a moment, and you just decided to focus on a cup of tea you'd been neglecting for most of this chat, to give her a moment to compose herself.

"F-forgive me, it's a bit of a force of habit."

"Don't worry about it too much, I've dealt with a lot of ponies before. Herd instinct thing, I think, makes it a bit more common than humans to do that. Sorry if I was a bit harsh, honestly."

She shakes her head for a moment, "n-no. I have a bad habit of doing that, sometimes to my own detriment," she admitted with a bit of a sigh.

... Were you going to have to give her a therapy session later, too?

"Anyway... l-let's get back on topic, shall we?"

"Alright," you nod, taking another drink of tea to clear the throat.

Whatever brew this was, by the way, it was winning you over slowly compared to the coffee you occasionally indulged in. You'd have to ask later. This might be an acceptable substitute to the blackest brews you could find for any kind of cramming, early mornings, or really anything else.

... Moving on.

"The part I think got to me the most about it back then..."

You sigh, trying to not think about it too much.

You fail.

"Was just... well... when it happened, I remember Twilight teleporting inside for a moment, desperately trying to grab at me and her owl before teleporting out. She couldn't actually grab onto me, it was too quick for her to account for the whole 'magic resist' thing, and..."

You shake your head, quickly finding a very interesting spot on the floor to stare at.

"Before I blacked out after the blast, I just remember her... crying out my name. Like I'd died."

You honestly can't think of any words after that, and despite trying to open your mouth a few times to force words out, you can't find any.

The comforting feeling of a wing curling around your back is... welcomed.

"... After everything went down. When I woke up in the hospital after that, I remember having heard that Twilight visited me before I was awake, at some point. And that she'd... apparently been devastated. To the point of almost trying to fight Tirek down, before she was faced with the possibility that she'd lose her friends too."

You have to pause and take a deep breath, before continuing.

"I'm not sure why, but I just... couldn't face her after it. After I heard... that. And she never came to me afterwards. Not when I was awake."

...

"I feel kind of like an idiot now, honestly. Letting all of that... destroy basically all of my friendships in Ponyville. Fuck's sake, with hindsight, I never should've gotten a house on the edge of town- I was just running away from it all. I don't..."

A feeling of frustration starts to grow, and so does one of your oh-so-familiar and oh-so-hated migraines of the past entire-time-you've-lived-in-Equestria.
Perfect timing. As usual.

The same wing on your back gives you a light tug, bringing you into Celestia's side.

... She's always noticeably warm. Sunhorse is overpowered. You might need to kidnap her for an entire winter someday.

A bit of your own humour, and the addition of another one of her... really, really comfortable hugs is enough to raise your mood to a stable level.

"Thanks. I just want to say it again, but thanks."

She nods, deciding to not say anything else for the time, giving you a moment to decompress.

...

"You... did mention in passing that you came to Canterlot... well, when we first had our encounter, due to something Twilight did?"

That forces out an awkward cough.

"Not one of my proudest moments... and technically not her fault. The lack of communication still stood, just-uh..."

You have to return to the age-old art of pokerfaces.

"You know what happens when new creatures from around the globe suddenly start gathering in a small town, and then hear about a mysterious alien creature living on the outskirts?"

There was another pause from Celestia.

"I can tell you one thing. It gets annoying. And-uh, if it wasn't obvious, I haven't exactly been in the best state recently."

"... Really? It was about the school?"

"I said it wasn't one of my proudest moments. I meant it."

"I just..." she took a moment to gather her thoughts, before you heard a small choked laugh come from her, "I can't help but find a bit of humour in the fact that... you stormed your way to Canterlot... to complain about the issue of foreign exchange students being nosy to the leader of an entire nation."

... Okay, yeah, it was kind of funny. You'd give her that one.

"I mean, technically, it's state-sponsored, and it did work out without me yelling about foreigners, so..."

You were both probably about a step away from having a laughing fit over this.

"You... I still can't quite believe that you made it all the way to Canterlot, not thinking of a single solution other than 'burst into the throne room and complain about it to the highest official...' and you, instead, consoled the nation's ruler instead of actually going through with what you stormed to the capital of a nation for," she said, having to force back a few solid laughs throughout.

"I'm going to be honest with you- I can be pretty dense. Especially when I'm spending most of my time being an idiot, and avoiding literally all of my problems."

"You don't... you don't say."

"I think we can both agree it worked out, stop making me feel like even more of an idiot."

"Never, this is one of my few joys in life. I live with politics, Anon, how else am I supposed to amuse myself?"

Valid. Perfectly valid.

Also, you're laughing again. So is she.

This is going to take a bit.

"Generally," you'd continue after the conversation wound down again, "I think I need... a bit of a game-plan here. Or, at the very least, somebody who'll force me to actually go through with... whatever I honestly need to work on, and not let me try and weasel out of it. Like I... did the other night."

There was another pause, this time mainly because the both of you were suffering from a slight tea addiction, before she continued herself.

"Well, I don't see a reason why I wouldn't help. After all, I both have a favour to repay, and a student to look after," she answered with a small nod.

"Wait, that easily?"

Celestia gave you probably the most deadpan expression you'd ever received- and that was even after spending a few years living with Twilight before, "I think it goes without saying that it wouldn't have been very hard to convince me to help repair the relationship of two of my subjects, much less considering one of them is my student, and the other one has not only improved a poor day for me considerably, but is even making an active effort to befriend me. Yes, Anon, 'that easily.'"

Valid. Point...
She keeps making those. Damnit, why can't you just act like the world was going to resist you at every turn!
You're getting ever so slightly afraid of another pan-to-the-face coming from the crossroads of destiny soon.

This was going way too smoothly.

Like, eerily so.

"Well-uh... thanks?"

The deadpan switches quickly to a small smile instead, and you get flicked on the head by a wing, "you need to stop saying that so much. There's doing it to be polite, and then there's using it to sidetrack."

She was catching onto your tricks. You should've expected it from someone well over a thousand years old, but still. You'd decided a while back to not do that 'assume too much greatness' thing with her, even if it was coming back to bite you.

"Alright. Advice?"

"Talk to her. I honestly can't give you any simpler form of advice. And if you indeed need somepony to sit outside the door and physically stop you from leaving when you do, I can and will do it for you."

"I was afraid of that answer."

"You asked for it~"

True that, sunhorse, true that.

"When?" You ask, partially fearing this answer too, mainly because you knew it.

"Will you be this willing if you sleep on it?"

"Probably not."

She lightly gestures towards the door with a hoof.

Yup. That exact answer. Definitely feel the anxiety flaring.
Damnit.

Sighing with a form of resignation, you just force yourself to your feet- Celestia coming with you- and head towards the door.
You're not even going to fight it, she was right. Keep this momentum going, especially with this all on the mind.

With a small glance towards the clock- it was a bit past 3:30 now. The two of you were chatting for a while. Plus, you'd have plenty of time before the day started to wind down too much- or ponies started to leave for dinner or something.

Welp, you wanted to bite the bullet. Time to hope your teeth hold.

???
???
???

As the princess and a rather reluctant human closed the door behind them, one of the unused chairs began to silently pace the edge of the room, as if it were a perfectly normal thing for a chair to do.

'Well, that took far too much effort,' it mused in wood-churning noises, 'I'm starting to understand how much of a pain it is for ponies to deal with magically-resistant creatures... Pheh! Sleeping spells are supposed to be easy!'

...

'You owe me, Celestia. If you weren't likely to mess this up earlier, I wouldn't have had to go that far. And considering you're just a crucial step if anything, and your friendship with him here is entirely secondary, I fully expect a generous Hearth's Warming gift this year when you figure it out!'

'Now, after he's dealt with the whole 'Twilight' problem... the real question is, how do I get Luna dearest involved without being too explicit about it? An extra bout of energy before dinner?... That might actually work, yes. Though I may have to delay it a day or two, despite the circumstances...'

A pocket watch seemed to pop out of nowhere, onto the chair's pillow. It had an extra hand, almost as if to dictate days, and an entirely separate row on the edge to correspond with it. And for once, out of many of these items, it wasn't going completely mad.
No, rather, it was completely orderly.

However- it did start to tick slowly, and the days were counting down to something approaching. Almost a week or two away, in fact, sometime around the scheduled Running of the Leaves this year.

And, even for a spirit that was hardly malevolent anymore, it was marked with a large, red X.
And no, it wasn't only because he hated the formal ball that came with the celebration in Canterlot, filled with all those stuffy politicians he wasn't allowed to mess with...

Author's Note

I'm going to be honest, this is what was going through my head at the 'dense' bit.

Dear lord I'm actually writing more consistently. This is weird. Help.

Oh, also, plot-twist. This wasn't all complete unguided nonsense- there was a plot hidden underneath it all along! With intentionally confusing writing, no less!
Now, let's see how many people start to figure it out...

Edited this really quickly, thought I'd add. Typos, errors, that kind of thing... I do always appreciate it when people point them out.
Anywho, have a nice day!

5 - Breakneck

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6 - Lost Years

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