A Day in the Life of Twilight Sparkle
Twilight Sparkle woke up. She yawned and stretched, shaking out her mane. It was going to be a perfect day and she knew it. She could feel the sunbeams shining across her face She could hear birds chirping outside. Everything was going to be fine. And then she really opened her eyes, and she screamed.
Twilight Sparkle was upside-down. Of course, the moment she realized this she fell to the floor with a thump. Or the ceiling. She then noticed that the floor was the ceiling and the ceiling the floor. The moment she realized this, everything that was on the ceiling, or was it the floor, came falling down. Twilight Sparkle’s head was covered in all of her blankets.
“What in Equestria is going on?” She shouted. Her voice was deep. “Why do I sound like a stallion?” Her mind pondered these questions for a few moments. Then something clicked.
“Discord!”
“Yes?” the draconequus said, appearing in a shirt made out of nothing but tuna fish while riding on top of a winged star nosed mole.
“What did you do?” Twilight shouted.
Discord looked around. He shrugged. “This isn’t my doing. I mean, it certainly is entertaining, but I don’t actually know what caused this. However, you do appear to be in quite the pickle.” For emphasis, he pulled a pickle, about the size of four watermelons and attached to a cord, from her ear. “Especially if you look outside.”
“What’s going on outside?” Twilight asked, rushing towards the door, which was still near the ceiling. She opened it and flung herself through, smashing into an arched shaped brick wall. That stood in the doorway.
“Ouch,” the wall said.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight replied. Then she blinked. She turned and flew the other direction. She reached the open window and breezed through it, shooting out into the beautiful Ponyville morning. She turned around, looking at her castle. The entire building was currently resting on the point of the star, barely touching the ground. It seemed to be perfectly balanced, though it swayed a bit in the breeze.
Twilight stared. "What..." She froze. Her mind attempted to process. A loading circle went around a couple of times before halting completely.
"Hey Twi!" came a voice behind the purple alicorn. "Why you having trouble loading?" Rainbow Dash swooped in, deleting the program that wouldn't process properly. Twilight unfroze again, blinking rapidly.
Twilight turned to face her friend. "Dash, have you noticed..." She paused. "What are you wearing?" Rainbow Dash's hair was up in a ridiculous ponytail, and she was wearing a purple sun hat. Around her neck was a yellow scarf.
"What, this?" Dash asked, fidgeting with the scarf. "I've worn this every day forever, darling." Her voice suddenly switched to a much more feminine tone. "Oh look, your castle's about to blow over. You should probably go over to fix that." She flew off, leaving Twilight to stare.
“What is she talking about?” Twilight asked. Then she turned around. In the suddenly stronger wind, Twilight's castle was tipping precariously. She flew and caught it. Surprisingly, it was light. As light as if it was made of cardboard. She righted it and pushed it upward again. She stuck the castle’s point deeper into the ground. Then the ground turned to ice cream and the castle fell over, flattening.
Twilight looked at her castle for a while. She gave up trying to explain to herself what was happening. Who would understand this mess? She asked herself.
Then, Twilight had an idea. “I’m going to talk to Pinkie,” she decided. “If anypony has a clue what's going on, it’s her.” Twilight took off through Ponyville. She passed by Derpy, who waved to her before flying through a building, leaving a hole in the shape of a muffin. She also flew by Daisy, Lily Valley and Rose, who were being planted by a bunch of tulips singing “All in a Golden Afternoon.”
A frog flew by, chirping a tune. Applejack walked along with an apple on a leash. She stopped to talk to Rarity, who was wearing a lovely dress of dyed green banana peels. Rarity pulled out a pair of armchairs and a coffee table, and they settled down to eat a breakfast of metaphorical breadcrumbs served with moon cheese and a wonderful side of the food that rhymes with oranges. They waved Twilight over. To be polite, she came down settling on the throne made out of books that they had reserved just for her.
Twilight settled into it. She looked at her friends. “Why is everything so weird today?”
“What’s weird?” Applejack replied, feeding her apple an orange. It yipped and wagged its tail.
“Wait, you’re noticing nothing out of the ordinary?”
“No,” Rarity said, taking a bite out of her teacup. “Are you feeling alright?”
Twilight took a deep breath. Then another. Then another. She began to panic. Why does nobody notice what’s going on. She began to hyperventilate. “I need a book,” she muttered through her laboring breaths.
Rarity offered Twilight a book. She took it and opened it, prepared for some absurd words, or perhaps something written in an eldritch language. Then the book bit her, closing down on her hoof. Twilight screamed.
“I guess I don’t have that one under control yet.” Rarity commented, snatching the book back. She wrestled with it for a moment. Twilight took the opportunity, spreading her wings and flying away. She didn’t look back, even though behind her she could hear Applejack and Rarity loudly arguing about the proper way to wrangle a book.
Looking around, Twilight saw Fluttershy. She seemed to be fairly normal, walking along without a care in the world. Twilight sighed in relief. “Finally,” she said, “something normal.” It then occurred to her that Discord was one of the most normal things she’d seen all day. The revelation smacked her on the head, sending her tumbling out of the sky. She crashed onto the ground in front of her yellow pegasus friend.
“Twilight, are you okay?” Fluttershy asked.
Twilight, who had landed in one of the three-thousand holes that littered the road, nodded. “I’m alright, I think.”
“Yay,” Fluttershy said, grabbing Twilight’s hoof and pulling her out of the pothole, which was beginning to bubble.
“I’m so glad to see you,” Twilight said. Then she realized something. “Wait, why are you talking in color?”
“Um... I don’t know? I’ve always done it.”
“Of course, you have... wait, why am I seeing your words? Why are your words visible? This shouldn’t be possible.” Twilight began to hyperventilate again, this time inflating like a balloon. She started to float up into the sky. Then she managed to exhale properly. With a ‘whoosh’, the air left her body, and she fell to the ground, completely deflated.
“I need to find Pinkie now,” Twilight shouted, standing up again and racing off.
“I wonder why she was acting like that?” Fluttershy asked herself as she wandered away.
By the time that Twilight made it to Sugarcube Corner, her head was really starting to hurt. She burst in through the door, pushing aside the curtain of chocolate pudding. Inside, she saw nobody. This led Twilight to look around. She scanned the entire room, checking on top of the counter, which immediately collapsed. Then she looked up. Pinkie was stuck to the ceiling.
“Pinkie,” Twilight asked, “Why are you up there?”
“Up is a relative concept. It has no intrinsic value,” Pinkie replied.
Twilight considered the statement for a brief moment. “Okay, that actually made perfect logical sense,” She told the pink mare, “But it doesn’t answer my question.”
“I don’t really know why I’m up here,” Pinkie said. “It just felt right.”
“But you have noticed the weird stuff going on today, right?”
“Of course, silly,” Pinkie replied, pointing across the room to the tables, which appeared to be made of swiss cheese and were playing tag. “It’s really, really, really obvious.”
“Thank you,” Twilight gasped, “I thought I was going crazy. But I knew if anyone could actually understand and know what caused this outbreak of complete absurdity, it would be you.” She looked up at Pinkie. “You do know why this is happening, don’t you. Because I don’t think I can take much more of this.”
Pinkie suddenly looked away “And why would I know anything about it. I might have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow.
“Ok, so I might have been in the Everfree Forest and I might have found this weird glowing blue stone that might have been randomly doing weird things. And maybe I brought it home to see if I could use it for my next party...”
“Pinkie...”
Author's Note
Well, here you go. The most ridiculous pile of absurdity my mind ever barfed up onto a page. This is my first try at comedic writing. Also...references.
Hope you enjoyed the ride.
P.S. Fluttershy's colors match her emotions. Yellow is worry, pink is happiness, blue is confusion and purple is curiosity.