Hm? Oh, hi there! I didn't hear you come in. The latest astrophysics textbook came in just today, and I've just been so engrossed in it I don't pay attention to my surroundings.
Yes. I am aware of that. But I still read anyway. You can't separate me from that book if you used a crowbar!
Anyway, what brings you to the library? Returning something, or...checking someone out?
I-I meant something! Checking someone out is totally different from checking out, um, a book. There's nopony here you could be checking out. I mean, there's me, of course. Heh. Um, there's Berry Punch over there, there's Lyra, and if you squint, I think I can see Derpy...reading a book upside down. But aside from that, the library's quiet. I mean, quieter than a library usually is. Heh.
Oh! Right! You wanted something! What can I get for you?
A romance book? Huh. I think we've got a few covers in the left side. Bottom shelf, second row over. You'll see a lot of young adult novels.
You're not interested in those? Oh. Well, then, what about the, ah, adult books? You...do know what goes on in those, right?
Not those either? Oh, good! Because to be honest, the writing is terrible. It's always "Bondage this" and "Bondage that" and a lot of really harsh dominance-
...what am I saying?! Did I just say that in front of you?
…*eep*...y-yes, I...I did try them out one time on Rarity's behest. One time! One time! And I didn't like them!
Wow, you're right. That is a sentence you don't hear every day.
Ahem! Moving on from that, ah, subject. Could you describe what style of book you need?
A how-to book, eh? Oh! I see! You need tips and help to talk to girls in the first place!
Yeah, that is true. You're talking with me right now, so you don't need to learn how to talk to girls. Heh heh. It's the relationship part that you need help with.
I can't blame you. In the first relationship, people are bound to be nervous. It's their first times, after all. They don't have any experience. They don't have a guide. It's perfectly natural for you to learn from someone else! Not everyone picks it up instinctually!
Follow me. There might be some self-help books further back.
Hm? Ooh, no, I haven't been in a relationship before. At all. I've been too, um...awkward, I guess. You know how girls like me fare. Busy, nerdy, kinda shy, and generally...not that attractive compared to others. All in all, I'm a rather small target.
I've had a few crushes, to be honest. But I never made a move on them. I had more important things on my mind. My studies, my friendships, my mentor, the Elements of Harmony, saving the world a few times, and singing. Heh. Yeah.
Okay, here we are. The self-help book section. If I gotta be honest, I don't like these types as much. They're all the same thing. They always convince you that you have a problem. That's easy. Everyone has problems, and we all feel insecure about our height, our weight, our looks, and such. Then they tell you that the problem isn't your fault. That's also easy. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions. Finally, they just offer general advice you could find on a cat poster. 'Believe in yourself. Hang in there! Be the best you can be!' It's...not at all what I would recommend.
This is your book, though. Not mine. I'll help you look. Let's see, where could we find… hey, I found something. 'Tips and tricks to woo your mare: Everything you need to know about beginning and keeping relationships.' Hm. Not bad. Maybe there is something valuable here. Want to try it? Really? Great!
*sniff sniff*
Ahh! Don't you like the way books smell? It's all papery and fresh and crisp. Like, when you're gliding a pair of scissors across a fresh piece of paper? Oh! That's the best feeling in the world!
Well, yeah, apart from love. You're right. Thing is, I haven't...been in love before, so… how would I know?
What do you mean, would I like to change that? Do you mean a love potion? Because if I get another love potion recipe request, I swear I'm going to lose it!
Oh? You mean you've got someone for me to meet? But… I already have my eye on someone…
Is it important for you to know who? He's just… a really upstanding pers--pony, to put it simply. He's standing right in front… I, uh, get really excited when I see him. That's all.
...Aww, thanks. I never knew I could be cute when I'm flustered until you pointed that out. Blushing? I am?! Well...Not many others say I am. So when you say it, then suddenly it's a big deal. That's the only reason why.
Anyway, ahem! Which mare in Ponyville do you have your eye set on? Oh, for no reason! I was just curious because of your book choice.
She's cute? Hm. That could be any number of ponies. I need more parameters to deduce the identity. There are approximately one hundred and twenty-six ponies exactly who fit that role.
She's a leader? Huh. I'm going to assume you're opting out the mayor.
She's a nerd? Let me guess! Moondancer! No, no, she's in Canterlot.
She's talented? Hmm. Is it Trixie? No, no. Okay...anything else?
Brave? Strong? Endearing? Purple? Okay, now you've lost me. I can't think of anyone in Ponyville now who fits those parameters except…
Except…
...A-are you saying that…
...Oh. My. Goodness. Oh my goodness gracious me! This is happening! Oh, sweet Celestia, this is really happening! You have a crush on me! Me! Out of all the ponies in this town, you have a crush on me! Yes yes yes yes yes!
I-I-I can't believe this. Th-this is too abstract. This is too surreal! It's like the fractals of the universe are collapsing in on themselves! This must be why I can't breathe! Oh my gosh I can't breathe! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Deep breaths, Twilight! Deep breaths! Ha! Ha! Ha! H-hmm?!
Mmm…?
Mmm…
…*mwah*
...You just kissed me.
Sweet Celestia, you just kissed me!
Hmm!
Mmm…
…*mwah*
And now I returned the favor! Finally!
See, what I mean is that the guy I've had my eye on for all this time… he's you. It's always been you. What's not to like about you? You're just so... so...
Okay, I don't know how to put into words just why. Heh heh. You just... appeared in my head, like a scholarly intuition, or something. But there's no question about what I'm feeling right now. I need to have you. We'll find out why later.
Remember how I said you were an upstanding guy? It's 'cause of these super-tall legs of yours. Heh heh. A little joke.
...And I'm a cutie because of my ears? Okay, my ears are not my only defining feature, you know. Surely there are other-
-Ooooh~ what is that you're doing? Rubbing my-ah! Ah! Ears...Oh, man...that feels really nice. Aww… mmm… hey, don't pull away! I liked that!
Oh, no! You're right! We're in a library! And I'm still the head librarian here, which means I still have a job to do! Oh, my gosh, I...I should get back. I'm sorry we can't spend more time here.
This place doubles as my home, though. If you want, you can meet me here...after hours and we can continue this little conversation of ours.
Hold that thought. I need to get back to, uh, helping...ponies. Remember: come to me at any time! I'll be waiting for you!
Oh my goodness, I think I'm going to faint...
