Princess Luna Disappears Every Friday Night,
By Gingerquill
Princess Celestia tapped a gold clad hoof on the royal dais, the noise echoing around the conspicuously quiet throne room, empty save for herself and just three other ponies. Confusion and frustration warred in her mind as she studied the senior Captain of the Night Guard and the two Guardsponies standing stiffly to attention before her. She fixed them with her stern gaze and for the first time in centuries found herself completely at a loss of how to handle a situation. Thoroughly stumped.
She wasn’t angry, she kept telling herself. Just disappointed.
Somehow that seemed so much worse.
“So, tell me captain,” She began after a lengthy silence, “just how long was it before you realised you were guarding a plushie?”
The Captain of the night watch shuffled awkwardly on his hooves.
“In our defence, your highness, it was a very convincing plushie.”
“Excellent stitching.” One of the guards added sagely, instantly regretting it when Princess Celestia threw him a glare that would have made Cerberus, guardian of all the evils of the underworld, whimper in fear.
“Did not the fact my sister neither moved nor spoke the entire night, make you in the least bit suspicious that maybe something was amiss?”
“We thought maybe she was just concentrating really hard and didn’t want to be disturbed...” The Captain fumbled for an excuse, and his fellow guards nodded in agreement.
“Fridays can get very busy-”
“I am this close to sending you to the moon.” Princess Celestia snapped at the offending guard, definitely not in anger. She took a calming breath. “Just how long has this been going on?”
While many of the captains of the Royal Guard suffered from a penchant for the dramatic, the tension in this pause could have launched an arrow through solid steel.
“We aren’t entirely sure, your highness…” he shuffled nervously, “but at a best guess, every Friday night for the last six weeks.”
“Six weeks?!”
“Possibly eight…”
Once Princess Celestia calmed enough to find her voice, and the bulging veins in her neck and forehead had ceased threatening to burst and hose the throne room, she quietly and calmly dismissed the guards before retiring to her private study in search of calm and focus. Settling in the spartan office, she pondered the situation.
She considered taking the direct approach and simply asking her sister what she was doing out every Friday night. It certainly wasn’t like her to shirk her duties in any way. Yet something was definitely out of place.
Could there be a malevolent force behind her behaviour? If so, then confronting her sister would alert this force to her suspicions and potentially place them both in great peril if it reacted aggressively. Or if it fled into hiding, she might never know what was happening within the palace until it was ready to strike again.
Or maybe Luna was just playing some elaborate prank. Celestia certainly wouldn’t put that beyond her mischievous little sister, their prank wars were the stuff of Equestrian legend. Literally. Stories of the great cake war of ‘53 were still spoken of with hushed awe.
Perhaps she simply had a coltfriend she was seeing, someone who wasn’t yet ready to step into the public eye as a royal consort.
With a sigh Celestia realised she simply didn’t have enough information.
“Yet,” she ginned as a cunning plan began to take shape in her mind.
Everypony knows the first rule of night clubs, is that you do not cross the velvet rope. That is the boundary of a sacred territory, upon which no one may intrude without invitation.
The velvet rope in this case was a hulking tank of an Earth Pony conveniently called, Velvet Rope.
Even at a classy establishment like ‘The Elegant Byre’, It could be a rough job at times. Maintaining good order, letting the right ponies in, keeping the bad ones out, ejecting the odd rowdy drunk, but he loved his calling in life. Not least because he towered over just about every other pony he encountered.
It was therefore an unnerving experience for him that on this particular evening he found himself having to look up when the next pony standing in the queue stepped forward. A towering beauty, elegance and poise personified as an alabaster angel, who for some reason he couldn’t fathom was wearing a drab cloak that hooked precariously over her long, delicate horn to hang poorly over royal regalia and a glittering, mystic mane that billowed in a non-existent breeze, causing her cloak to likewise wave in the same non-draft.
“Errrrm… are you on the list?” Was the only thing he could think to ask Princess Celestia. It would one day make a great story to tell.
“Why, yes, It’s right here.” She replied affecting a deep voice, and while pretending to check the list on his door pony’s podium, she quietly slipped half a dozen Bits onto the stand.
It took Velvet Rope a moment to process the fact that Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, the sun incarnate, who could simply order him to stand aside, or just smile politely and he’d do it anyway, had just offered him a bribe to let her in.
This was going to be a very good story.
This is so exciting, Princess Celestia thought to herself, giggling with barely contained glee. I haven’t had a chance to do any decent cloak and dagger stuff for ages! She swept through the foyer of the club with her natural regal grace, so practiced it had become second nature, and perfectly normal to her.
Likewise, perfectly normal was the way everypony stared, bowed and made way for her as she passed. Afterall, her disguise was so simple as to be flawless. Who would possibly suspect that of all ponies, it was Princess Celestia hidden under this simple and drab robe? It’s not like it blatantly stood out amongst the deluxe outfits of her fellow club patrons, or the luxurious, vibrant red furnishings of the club with its panelled oak walls and gold and brass filigree fixtures and fittings.
No, she blended in so perfectly as to be all but unseen, her infiltration had gone completely unnoticed. Everypony else was simply being polite.
Beginning her investigation, she followed the general flow of the crowd through the stylish foyer towards a large bar, mentally recapping what she had discovered so far.
That every Friday night for the last several weeks, Luna had somehow been eluding her guards and smuggling a brilliantly stitched plushie onto the throne in her place, before slipping out of the palace undetected. Where to and to what purpose were the real mystery.
Fortunately for her, Celestia knew a number of very subtle tracking spells, and had quietly placed one on Luna’s necklace during the day while she slept, knowing she never went anywhere without it.
She wasn’t kept waiting long. Sure enough, after sunset and moon rise, shortly after Luna took her place on the throne, Celestia felt the necklace move. A quick check on the throne room showed that the, admittedly incredibly life like plushie was on the throne in her sister’s place.
The time had come for phase two of her master plan.
Quickly donning her disguise, she moved with purpose. Evading her own guards, she followed the signal of the tracking spell as it wound its way through Canterlot, and found herself going out into the city on a Friday night for what must have been the first time in decades. Refusing to become too distracted by the bright lights, music and sounds of a thriving night life coming from the many pubs, clubs and coffee bars she never realised her citizens now enjoyed, along with the curious looks they kept throwing her, she focused on following the signal, which eventually lead her to ‘The Elegant Byre’.
It was clearly coming from inside, which answered the question of where her sister was going, but now she needed to know why. A cursory inspection of the exterior gave little indication of a stereotypical sinister lair of nefarious evil doers, but she couldn’t be too careful. Not wanting to tip her hoof by using royal clout to get inside, she’d had little choice but to join the lengthy queue and be patient.
“May we interest you in a drink?” A unicorn waiter from behind the bar snapped her from her reverie. She’d been so lost in her thoughts she’d reached the front of the queue without noticing.
“Ah, of course. Chardonneigh, please.” She ordered, pausing only briefly to glance down the extensive drinks list.
“Compliments of the house.” He smiled back, floating a crystal glass to her with his magic.
How polite, Celestia marvelled at their generosity, little wonder this establishment is so popular if they’re handing out free drinks to their patrons, an excellent vintage too if her pallet was any judge.
“Begging your pardon,” an earth pony sought her attention with a slight bow, apparently a concierge if her outfit and immaculate manners were any indication, “the first performance of the night will begin shortly. We have a booth set aside for you, at your convenience.” She nodded respectfully, gesturing towards a red curtained arch at the end of the foyer.
A free drink and a booth too? Celestia’s Suspicion flared briefly. Might they have seen through her masterful disguise? On the other hoof, free drinks and a show. Maybe there a late dining menu too. Deciding that either way, it was her best option to further the investigation, she nodded for her host to lead on.
The gathered ponies, milling about in the foyer, parted before them as the concierge led her towards the curtains and stepping through Celestia found herself standing on the middle tiers of a large, dimly lit auditorium. Round tables and seating were spaced throughout the levels, and balconies filled the walls along with private, luxury booths tucked away here and there, all facing towards a broad, curtained stage. On the tier just above her, another bar was doing brisk business and all about ponies were socialising, filling the room with a cheery buzz. Her guide led her though the subdued lighting, down the stairs and quickly settled her in a luxurious booth in the centre near the stage.
“May I freshen your drink?” She smiled with a gesture to Celestia’s near empty glass.
“Very kind of you to offer, yes please.” She smiled back, quietly noting she had let that drink go down a little too easily. “Is there a light bites menu?”
“Certainly, I’ll be right back.” The mare trotted off and Celestia made herself comfortable, carefully absorbing every detail about the club. Admiring the casual opulence and comfort, she decided she could easily become a regular here, assuming her royal schedule would allow it. Quickly checking her tracking spell, she could see Luna, or at least her necklace, appeared to be somewhere behind the stage. Celestia was pondering how to get a closer look when to her surprise the lights dimmed to near darkness just as her concierge returned with a bottle in an ice bucket and her menu. A moment later a voice filled the darkened room.
“Fillies and Gentlecolts, welcome to The Elegant Byre! I am your host, Whinny-as T Barn-am and I hope you are having the best evening we can provide!” He cried and an excited cheer from the audience answered. “Without any ado, we are proud to present our first act of the night. She needs no introduction. You know her. You love her! Our very own Ruler of the Night, Princess Luna!” The room seemed to shake with the cheers, whistles and pounding of excited hooves.
The stage curtain slid aside, and the cheering and whistles died as an excited hush fell over the room. The music began, and light began to raise from the back of the stage, starting a midnight blue and growing lighter and more vibrant, silhouetting the unmistakeably elegant outline of Luna, the backlighting providing sharp relief to the only other mane in Equestria that billowed in a non-breeze. As spotlights found her, she sauntered forward towards a mic, swaying in time to the music.
Never missing a note with her beautiful and hypnotic voice, she twirled and moved in perfect time, her mane and tail flicking and swishing elegantly this way and that, her every movement enticing and alluring. Even as her sister, Celestia was astonished and amazed by her skills and beauty, at least from an artistic perspective.
All too soon the music reached its crescendo and came to an end, and a chorus of cheers and whistles (and a few cat calls) applauded Luna and her beautiful performance, showering her with praise. Even Celestia, gobsmacked as she was, forgot all about secrecy and applauded.
“Thank you!” Luna called over the Mic as she basked in the cheers and adulation, her smile shining radiant and joyful in a way Celestia hadn’t seen for a long time. “It’s always so lovely to be here, you’re such a fantastic audience.”
“Marry me!” Somepony called from the back of the room, much to Celestia’s shock, though a wave of laughter echoed around the audience. Luna giggled on the stage and waited for the laughter to die back a little.
“Why don’t you buy me dinner first and we’ll take it from there?” She joked to a fresh wave of laughter. Even Celestia tittered at her sister’s wit. Fresh cheers filled the room even as another song began to play, and Luna continued her musical set.
A rousing thunder of adulation met the end of the final song,
“Thank you all again, you all give the best welcomes a pony could wish for. I’ll take a little break now, but I’ll be back later on in the evening. Enjoy yourselves!” And with a gracious bow and a wave, Luna retreated from the stage.
So, this is what Luna’s been up to all this time, Celestia thought as the lights slowly came back up, a great relief washing her previous worries away. Truly, Celestia never took her sister for such a talented showpony, but the audience couldn’t get enough of her. But though she was relieved there was nothing untoward or sinister about Luna’s absences, there were still a few questions she needed answering before this could be put to bed.
Speaking of, Celestia saw her sister emerge from behind the curtains at the side of the stage and begin wandering up the stairs in the direction of the auditorium bar. She paused every so often to give a hello and a warm grin to club patrons as they praised her. She seemed so happy and at ease here, and the audience clearly loved her. If only they’d had clubs like these a thousand years ago, Celestia mused sadly.
So lost in thought, she was shocked when Luna suddenly veered away from her path to the bar, to stride straight into her booth and park herself on the opposite side.
“Evening Tia, nice cloak,” Luna said with pleasant sarcasm, “are you going for the ‘bad spy’ or ‘creepy stalker’ look?”
Celestia had to think fast, her cover was in danger of being blown.
“I, ah, don’t know who this Tia is, but she sounds like a lovely lady.” She replied, affecting her best deep, matronly voice.
Luna was not impressed.
…
…
“Alright, how did you know it’s me?” Celestia finally lifted her cloak off and revealed her identity, much to the complete absence of any surprise from the gathered club patrons.
“You mean aside from the two facts you’re a clear head and a half taller than everypony else in the room and the squad of Royal Guards sitting on the next table?” Luna gestured over her shoulder to the booth behind her where, much to Celestia’s surprise, a half dozen armoured ponies began trying to pull cloaks lower over their crested helmets.
“I told you we should have left them back at barrack!” One of the figures hissed.
“It would be all the shining royal regalia you’re still wearing under your… ‘brilliant’ disguise.” Luna continued, ignoring the guard’s futile efforts to be inconspicuous.
“I heard those air quotes.” Tia bristled at the critique of her hastily improvised costume.
“When did you get so bad at cloak and dagger?” Luna replied. “For a while there I was convinced you were a decoy, or some kind of double bluff.”
“Okay, so I’m a little out of practice.” Tia replied defensively. “Can you blame me for trying to find out what Friday night secrets were so important my own sister tried hide them from me behind a plushie?”
Luna paused upon realising her own ruse had been busted.
“Perhaps not my best idea ever…”
“Au contraire,” Celestia corrected her sarcastically, “it took the Night Guards nearly two full moons to figure out it wasn’t you.”
“Really? Ha-ha!” Luna cried triumphantly. “And old governess Pearly White said I didn’t have the delicate touch to be a seamstress!” Her enthusiasm died when she caught her sisters withering stare. “Oh right… sneaking out…”
“It was foolish and dangerous, sneaking out without the protection of the royal guards.”
“One, it wouldn’t be sneaking it I brought them with me, and two, when have they ever actually protected us from anything?”
“One, fair point, I’ll let you have.” Celestia reluctantly conceded. “Two, besides the point, it’s their duty. And speaking of, what about your duties as Princess of the Night? Who will guard the dreams of Equestria every Friday night if you are busy singing and dancing in a night club?”
Luna raised a hoof to interrupt.
“Worry not Dear Sister, it is taken care of.” She smiled broadly at her own initiative. “I have hired a temp.”
The Headless Horse galloped hard and fast through the twisted nightmare forest, crooked, black trees grasping at him with dead, clawed branches. Fear and panic grasped at his heart with icy fingers.
At least they would have done if he’d had a heart.
The apparition paused briefly against a fearsome bough, the patterns of bark describing a leering, toothed maw that should have comforted him.
“None of this makes sense! Why is this happening to me?” He gasped through non-existent lungs. “I’m not even real, I’m just the personification of this poor colts subconscious fear of the dark and the unknown!”
The void where his ears would have been twitched, pricking up as they heard the haunting, tell-tale melody of children singing a nursery rhyme carrying through the darkness.
“One, Two, Freddy’s coming for you…”
“Twilights talent for reformation is truly remarkable.” Luna stated thoughtfully, idly voicing her thoughts. “I have been considering summoning C’thu’lu, see how far we can push this.”
Celestia paused mid sip of her drink and blinked a couple of times as she processed the latest in this evening full of revelations. She carefully placed the glass on the table before she spoke.
“You have been thinking about summoning C’Thu’Lu, the High Priest of the Old Ones, lord of dreams and insanity, herald of the self-annihilation of worlds, to our world,” she paused her recap of Luna’s proposal to allow a moment for that point to sink in, “just to give Twilight’s gift for making friends a stress test?”
Luna now paused to re-examine her idea now it had received a second opinion.
“When you say it like that you can make anything sound stupid.”
Celestia shook her head in disbelief.
“How did you even wind up performing in a night club anyway? Were you having a quiet night and just decided ‘stuff it, I’m going singing’?”
“There was a little more to it than that,” Luna bristled, “but you are mostly correct.”
Luna adjusted the moon slightly. Just a little touch to the left, and there! Suddenly the garden was alight in silver. Beautiful flowers and blooms, all washed in purest white. As much as they filled the royal gardens with colour during the day, at night with the moonlight on them they practically glowed with radiance. She breathed deep of the scents and crisp night air, that seemed somehow fresher to her and felt the peace of night surround her.
Luna had quietly ceased the Night Court on Fridays, everypony was out having a good time anyway, while the dreamscape had likewise proved blessedly quiet for a change. Rare boons for Luna, who’s obligations could often keep her busy to the point of ragged. A peaceful night was a welcome reprieve for her to stroll the gardens, wind down and simply relax.
She hummed and half murmured a jaunty tune as she wandered, a merry song about strangers and love at first sight. She was always considerate not to sing too loud at night though. She might be a night pony, but the vast majority weren’t, and using the Canterlot Voice at this hour would undoubtedly be frowned upon. That didn’t stop her enjoying her quiet singing though, and she began to prance merrily to the tune. The carefree bounces and twirls of a pony nopony was watching.
“Good heavens, I never knew you had such a beautiful voice!”
Luna froze mid prance, balanced precariously on one forehoof with a look of shock and horror plastered on her blushing face. Convinced she was alone, she was mortified to be caught in the act of dancing about with foalish abandon!
“Oh, I am so sorry!” The stranger emerged from the shadows, an Earth Pony stallion, apparently blushing as madly as Luna. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you! I came for the Night Court but didn’t realise it had been closed and it seemed a shame to just leave without seeing the gardens, so I asked the guards if I could have a little wander.” He babbled, gesturing to the two Night Guards quietly shadowing him.
Luna, realising she was still balancing on one hoof, quickly recovered her regal pose with a cough while desperately trying to bury the horrified embarrassment that wanted her to run screaming like a filly.
“Yes, quite right.” She cleared her throat, mentally nailing her hooves to the floor to keep from fleeing. “I was just enjoying them myself.”
The two shared an awkward silence, neither quite sure how to proceed.
“Well.“ They both began, before stopping awkwardly. Luna motion for her guest to go first. He politely insisted she go first.
“Please don’t allow me to keep you any longer.” Luna smiled, summing all the graciousness she could muster.
“You have a lovely voice!” He blurted, suddenly slapping his hooves over his mouth. “Forgive me your highness, but you really do have a magnificent singing voice, and you’re quite the dancer too. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about it. In fact, I would be honoured if you would perform at my club, ‘The Elegant Byre’!”
Luna gasped, shocked at the proposition.
“But I don’t even know your name sir-” She began to fumble for an excuse to say no.
“Forgive my manners again! Whinny-as T Barn-am, at your service,” he bowed low, “and please, it would be my honour to host your performance.”
“I declined to begin with, but I thought to myself, one evening wouldn’t be so bad,” Luna shrugged, “I could start early, a quick matinee, and still be back in time to protect the dream-realm, so I agreed.”
“I assume it went well?” Celestia raised a curious eyebrow.
“Oh Tia, it was incredible!” Luna swooned fondly at the memory of her first night. “I was terrified at first, but after I sang, the cheers and applause.” She tried to find the words to describe the elation she felt. “It was like my first Nightmare Night and Summer Sun Celebration put together!”
“Well… no harm done I suppose,” Celestia conceded reluctantly, “and I am glad you’re enjoying yourself. I just wish you had come to me openly, instead of hiding and keeping secrets. You had me so worried.”
“I’m sorry I made you worry.” Luna seemed to shrink slightly with regret. “I just get so frustrated, cooped up in the palace all day and night.”
Celestia’s stern countenance relaxed.
“I can understand that.” She sighed sympathetically taking another sip of wine. “I can hardly remember the last time I got to go out on a Friday night like this or enter the Running of the Leaves.”
“Honestly, I don’t think any of this would be a problem if we had more free time.” Luna mused.
“Can’t really see that happening any time soon. Unless we retire.”
“Retire? Who do we hoof power to, the nobles?” Luna said ‘nobles’ in much the same way another pony might say ‘syphilis’.
“Hahahah! Oh, sweet heavens no.” Celestia barked with laughter at the idea. “But could you picture their collective freak out if we put Twilight in charge?”
Luna snorted with laughter too.
“I don’t know, she’d do a better far job that those cretins. Oh, I’ve an idea,” She added, “let’s tell her we are retiring, and she only has a few days to prepare!”
Celestia gasped in amused shock.
“That would just be cruel! How about this Saturday?” The two sisters shared a hearty laugh at that thought. Tia sighed again, contentedly this time. “At least I wouldn’t have to worry about anymore princesses performing in night clubs.”
Luna blanched slightly as the next performance came onto the stage.
“Umm… about that…”
“Captain Strong Flight,” Celestia barked over to the booth her guards had failed to hide in, “parchment, ink and quill please.”
From: Princess Celestia, Sol Invictus, Solar Incarnate, Diarch of Equestria,
To: Commanding officer of the Royal Crystal Guard of the Crystal Empire,
Dear Sir,
Do you realise you are currently guarding a plushie?
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia.
Author's Note
After an extensive absence, I have returned to once again maraud the stories and pages of the world's greatest fandom!
Hope you like my story, I started shortly after the start of season 9.
Please comment and let me know what you thought, all critiques are welcomed.
----------- Update 8/7 ----------
My story is featured!!!!!
I am so excited! Everything else could go wrong today, and I will still be over the moon!
Huge thank yous to everyone who read, liked and fav'd! You've all done me a great happiness 
