Who You Are

by FabulousDivaRarity

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Shining Armor, Twilight Velvet, Slice of Life, Drama
Length: 2845

Shining Armor has a nightmare from a sort of identity crisis. Twilight Velvet reassures him about who he is.

A few days have passed since Twilight Velvet informed her children of their father leaving her. Her children have come to spend the weekend with her. But one night, her son has a nightmare. He doesn't want to become his father. Velvet tells him not to worry, because she knows exactly who he is- and so does he.

Mother son fluff and cuddles!

Published 2019-07-09 07:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-09 07:10:02 UTC

You Know Who You Are

Author's Note

I'm on such a Shining Armor and Twilight Velvet kick right now, but I know that's no surprise to you guys since I've already done two fics in a row with them XD

This was just a fluffy little thing that I thought up. I just really enjoyed making it. It was cute.

Enjoy the fuzzy feels.

You Know Who You Are

Twilight Velvet was many things- A smart unicorn, a separated wife, and a mare in the process of understanding her place in the world without her husband. But above all of these things, she was a mother. The maternal instinct was one that was so primal, it could not be understood by any amount of science or magic. It was simply unexplainable. But, things that worked well didn’t always need an explanation. So when Twilight Velvet woke up in the middle of the night, with that instinct blaring that something was off with one of her children, she didn’t question it.

It was the first weekend since she had told both of her children that their father had left her, and both Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor had come to spend the weekend with her. Much as she thought that her children wanted to make her feel less alone in the house- which was vastly appreciated considering it had felt so empty lately- she’d gotten the distinct impression that her children needed her to comfort them too. Twilight had taken a weekend away from Ponyville to come, having Spike take care of things alongside her friends for a few days. And Shining, though a father himself, had managed to snag the weekend off with the support of his wife, and help from Sunburst, Flurry’s crystaller.

It was surreal for Velvet to think that the children she’d raised were now royalty. Her son was ruling a kingdom alongside his wife, and her daughter was a princess solving friendship problems with her friends. The babies she’d given birth to had long since been capable of taking care of themselves. And she’d gone for a good amount of time feeling unneeded. Not just by her kids, but by her husband too. On the subconscious level, where things ponies don’t like to acknowledge grow, she’d seen his departure coming. She’d just been too afraid to say anything because that would have made it real. But in doing so, she’d caused what she’d feared most. She had only herself to blame for that. However, she felt the worst about how this would effect her children. They’d founded their lives on the stability of a complete family, and now that stability was gone. The foundation was cracked. No pony could blame them for feeling unsafe.

For her part, Twilight Sparkle had delved into reading. It was her way of dealing with it all. Pick up a book, shut out the world, and stop thinking about things. She’d certainly had points in their time together where she’d broken down and cried. And each time, Velvet had been there to wipe her tears away. For the most part, though, she was handling it well.

Shining Armor, however, was more difficult. Only on the day she’d given him the news had he shown any reaction to his father leaving. There were no emotional breakdowns, no flares of anger, no asking of why. Her son had been stoic. The only thing she perceived that was different than normal was that he seemed to gravitate toward her. However, she’d written it off as him trying to give her comfort. She hadn’t imagined it would be the other way around- that he needed her close by to comfort him. And so she was surprised when that evening, awakened by her instincts and checking on her children, she heard whimpering through Shining’s door.

Velvet wasn’t normally one to go into her children’s rooms unannounced, but these were extenuating circumstances, and she gently opened up the door. She looked in, and saw her son curled onto his side in a ball. Small whines were coming from his mouth and tears were streaming down his face. He wasn’t asleep- she knew that. He’d done the same thing as a colt after a bad nightmare. He’d always curled himself into a ball, like he was trying to form a shield around himself as he pieced himself back together. He’d been reluctant even as a child to speak with her about whatever had plagued his dreams, but she had the feeling that he would be willing to share with her and allow her to comfort him now.

“Shiny?” Her voice was soft and gentle, but her son jerked at it as though he’d been struck. She felt a little piece of herself die inside at the sight. He looked like a spooked little animal staring into the jaws of a larger creature, and it sprung her into motion as she went to his bedside. It was only when she got there that she realized he was shaking with fear, because she could feel it through the boxspring. She stroked his mane gently in an attempt to soothe him. His trembling paused for the briefest second before a new whimper came from his mouth.

“Mama…” It was the most fragile sound she’d heard come from her son in so long that she actually paused in shock. Her son had always taken it upon himself to be the protector of the family. From protecting Twilight as a filly to securing the perimeter of their home after he’d finished his guard training, he’d prided himself on being an unshakable mountain of strength. But that sound reminded her that mountains were still made of rocks, and even rocks crumbled in an earthquake when severely shaken.

“Oh, baby…” She pulled him to her, and he, of his own accord, sat up and wrapped himself around her, sobbing. It occurred to her in a moment of absent thought that she had seen him cry more this week than she had in twenty years. It was both saddening and yet strangely comforting to see. Saddening because, like any mother, she never wanted to see her son upset. But comforting all the same because it was good to see that he still had the capacity to express those emotions when necessary- as his previous and current occupations had caused having an emotionless face to be crucial. She held him in her arms and gave him a tender kiss. “Did you have a bad dream, sweetheart?” Her voice was gentle, lilting, soothing.

It took him longer than a moment to nod. He couldn’t get words past his sobs at that point, but he knew his mother would feel the nod. And she did.

“I’m sorry you were scared, honey. But it’s over now. Mama will stay with you as long as you need me to.” She promised, rubbing his back to comfort him further. “You take your time, and you let it out. I’m not afraid of tears.” She assured him.

He cried for what seemed like hours to the both of them, before he was finally able to force a word through his sobs. “N-Not.”

Velvet looked at him, confused. “Not what, sweetie?”

“Not over.” He had to gasp to say the short phrase because he felt as though he couldn’t breathe. A weight was on his chest now- one that was a thousand pounds, and he couldn’t get it off.

It took Velvet a moment to catch on to what he meant. “Your nightmare isn’t over?” She asked, searching his face for confirmation. He nodded, his breathing ragged and on the verge of hyperventilation. “Okay, sweetie pie. You take a few minutes and calm down. Take some deep breaths for Mama, and we can talk when you can breathe, okay?” She said.

He nodded, but couldn’t seem to catch his breath. So, Velvet tried a different tactic. She shifted him into her lap so that his head rested near her heart. The steady beating of it and feeling of her chest rising and falling had always calmed Twilight down from near panic attacks. She hoped the same effect might happen with her son. “Breathe with me. Breathe with Mama.” She soothed him.

Being a former Royal Guard, he knew how to follow orders. His brain picked up instructions before he could even pick them up consciously himself. It was this that allowed him to finally calm down. He may not have always had the best emotional intelligence with himself, but he knew how to follow orders. Slowly, painstakingly, his breathing evened out.

“There you go. That’s a good boy. Just breathe, sweetheart. Just breathe. It will be okay.” She kept up the stream of comforting words as he calmed down. When his breathing had been even for a few minutes, she looked at him. “Can you talk to me now, honey?” She asked.

“Yes.” The word was small, and she knew that he was trying to draw himself together, pick up the pieces of his composure after his emotionless mask had shattered. She was fine with him drawing himself together, but she didn’t want him to put that mask back on right now. Her son needed to be able to feel the full extent of his own emotions if he was going to get past this.

“Shiny, you don’t have to be strong for me.” She told him gently. “This change has affected you too, and you have as much a right to be upset about it as Twily and I do. I’d rather see you upset than see you pretend it isn’t bothering you, sweetheart. You need to let yourself feel these things. You don’t have to be strong all of the time. It’s okay for you to lean on somepony else and ask for help. Especially me.”

How his mother knew what he was thinking was a mystery he had chosen to leave unsolved a long time ago as a colt. Every time he intended to get into mischief, she knew about it. Every time he was trying to hide something, she knew. He’d learned to accept the fact that somehow she would always have an outpost in his head. As a child he’d hated that outpost, but now as an adult and a father himself, he could appreciate it. It was helpful to have somepony who was on the same page as him. The one lesson she’d tried to teach him over and over as a child, that she’d tried to put into that outpost in his head, was to accept help. And he’d never quite been willing to receive that message. But now, with all that had happened, he was willing to try.

“O-Okay Mama.” He said.

He was rewarded with a kiss. “Good. Now, do you want to tell me what your nightmare was about?” She asked gently.

He opened his mouth to say something, closed it a few moments, opened it, and closed it again. He wasn’t sure how to answer her question. But the one phrase that kept popping up to him over and over again wasn’t technically an answer. But it was the best one he could give.

“I don’t want to turn into Dad.”

Knowledge gleamed in Velvet’s eyes as she looked into her son’s. She nodded a tiny bit. But there was no shock in her eyes, no horror. It was a fear she had anticipated and prepared for. She just knew her son well enough to know that unless he actually spoke with her about it, she wouldn’t get anywhere with him trying to prevent it.

She tucked a stray piece of his mane behind his ear in a tender gesture. “It’s perfectly reasonable to be afraid that you would turn into him. I can see why you would be. Half of your genes come from him, after all. But Shiny, you won’t turn into your father. Do you know how I know?” She asked gently. He shook his head, for a moment looking the way he had as a curious little boy. “Because you aren’t like him. Your father worked long hours and wasn’t very involved with our family outside of providing for us. You’re completely different. Even though you have a demanding job, you always make the time to change Flurry, play with her, and give Cadence a break when she needs it. You’re a good father, honey. And a great big brother. From the moment Twily was born, you adored her and protected her. You doted on her, and you played with her probably more than your Father ever did. You grew up knowing the importance of family. You know that it’s a priority. And everything that happened isn’t going to change your core beliefs about life and yourself.”

“But how do you know, Mom? How do you know I won’t become really unhappy someday and change my whole life on a whim?”

Velvet gained a twinkle in her eye as she spoke. “Honey, even though your sister is the planner in this family you would never make a change that suddenly and not think it through. From the moment you were born, you thrived on structure, and that’s something that hasn’t changed. You’ve been polishing the routine of your life for years, and you’re not just going to throw away something just like that because of one thing. You’re smarter than that, and you were raised better than that.”

Shining finally gave her a small smile. “Because you raised me.”

Velvet grinned. “And I like to think I did a great job, because look at who you turned out to be. You’re handsome, you’re successful, you’re a good father, and a good pony. You love your family, and you would do anything for us. What happened doesn’t change any of that. Trust me, honey. You know who you are.”

And suddenly, Shining Armor felt curiously lighter. It took him a moment to realize that the weight he’d felt on his chest earlier was gone. His fear had become that weight, and now it had been lifted, and the burden was gone. He smiled a wide grin at the sudden change and hugged his mother.

“Thanks, Mama.”

“Always, sweet boy.” She promised, and gave him a kiss. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Much.”

She smiled. “Good. You know if you need help or you get scared you can always come to me. I’ll always be here for you.”

He nodded with a smile. “I know.”

“Do you still feel comfortable sleeping in here tonight? You know you can come into my room if you need to. All of this change isn’t easy and it’s only natural for you to want to have something constant.”

He paused momentarily to think on that. “I think I’ll be okay. Brutus is still in here. I remember when I was little you used to spray him with your perfume so he’d smell like you and I’d feel better after. Even though the next morning I’d get mad because he smelled like a girl.” He laughed.

She chuckled. “Yes, you’d get so angry about that that I’d always have to wash him the next day.”

“You didn’t have to do that, you know. I should have let that alone.”

“Sweetheart, I love you. There’s nothing you could ask me, then or now, that I would not try and do for you. One extra wash for Brutus made you happy because you could make him smell right again. I’d do anything to see you happy. It was always worth it.”

He smiled and gave his mother a hug. “Thanks Mom.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiled.

“Mama?” He asked, just as she was getting up. She turned to him.

“Yes, baby?”

He picked up his old doll in his magic. “Can you make him smell like you one more time? Just in case?”

Velvet smiled gently. “Of course I can.”

She teleported a bottle of her signature perfume in, and sprayed it carefully on Brutus, so that the scent wouldn’t be overwhelming. Then, she teleported it back to her dresser and went to him. “There you go. He’s good to go.”

Shining smiled, suddenly weary. The familiar scent of her perfume was comforting him well, and he was beginning to feel sleepy. He gave a yawn.

Velvet smiled. “You should get back to bed, honey. It’s been a long night.” She paused a second. “Would you like me to tuck you in?”

He nodded. “Yes please.”

So Shining laid down, and Velvet gently pulled his blanket over him, and gave him a kiss. “Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Mama. I love you too.” He replied, eyes already beginning to close. Velvet went over to the doorway, and when she took one last look back her son appeared to already be asleep, loosely holding his toy with one hoof. Velvet smiled a little.

“Sleep tight, Shiny-Winey. See you in the morning.”

And with that, she carefully closed his door, and went to get some sleep herself.