Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

by Damaged

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Comedy, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 7863

Where to find them—unfortunately for Rainbow Dash—is in warm springs in the Everfree Forest. Oh, and after Rainbow Dash's latest visit to one, inside Rainbow Dash.

Where to find them—unfortunately for Rainbow Dash—is in warm springs in the Everfree Forest. Oh, and after Rainbow Dash's latest visit to one, inside Rainbow Dash.

Featuring (inspired by) the wonderful artwork of Jargon Scott. I really can't stress enough how wonderful it is to have amazingly creative people in this fandom to fuel the silliness train.

There are tentacles in this, and they live in holes in Rainbow Dash. It isn't porn, however, and though there are parts to this that make it deserving of its M + Sex rating, I don't think anyone would be able to masturbate to this for fear of laughing at important moments.

Published 2019-07-12 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-25 23:00:47 UTC

This One is Much Worse

Wiggly. Rainbow Dash rolled over in her bed, curled down, and looked at the wiggly tentacles. "Will you guys just—just stop?"

They did. The tentacles and Rainbow had come to an understanding of sorts, but the problem for each was time. Time was an ephemeral subject for almost any creature. Time was how long it took to forget you should be doing something.

Rainbow Dash had her own problems with time—what with having the lightning reflexes and social graces of a kitten that hasn't learned to retract its claws yet—but now her biggest problem with time was that the tentacles didn't have any concept of it greater than five minutes.

Five minutes was about how long it took for Rainbow Dash to get comfortable, close her eyes, and feel the sandmare start to dust her eyes.

"Please sto-ho-ho-hop!"

The tentacles stopped.

"You guys will start getting wiggly again as soon as I go to sleep, won't you?" Rainbow felt the spine (and sometimes mind) melting sensation that she had come to learn meant yes for the tentacles. It wasn't that they did anything bad, but having them agree with her wasn't something Rainbow wanted to happen in public. "Sh-She'll be home tomorrow. Just one night of no wiggling?"

Rainbow didn't lay back on her bed. She stayed looking at the tentacles. Then they got wiggly again. "Come on! What do you want?"

Answers were not forthcoming, of course.

Rolling over and sliding out of bed, Rainbow Dash walked to her kitchen. "Food? Are you—" A deep groan came from her lips as the wiggly intruders shut down Rainbow.exe for a few moments. It's said that when certain nerves are directly stimulated it can "reset" a nervous system, in this case the bunch of nerves the tentacles had wiggled against for yes stalled Rainbow in her tracks.

Shaking her head after several minutes of trying to reboot her brain, Rainbow let out another groan—this one of frustration. "Okay, not quite so much agreeing. How about I open the fridge and you point at what you want?"

The tentacles weren't as wiggly, but they were moving around to inspect things. One grabbed the side of the fridge and pulled Rainbow's butt around so she was fully turned away. "You know I can't see what you're pointing at, right?"

A sideways jerk caught Rainbow off-guard, and she found herself being dragged to the cupboard instead. There, a tentacle opened a door and pulled something out. The bag was heavy, or so Rainbow noticed by the strain it put on the tentacle that was holding it.

"Sugar? I'm not going to eat a bag of sugar for you." Snatching the bag from the tentacle, Rainbow was halfway through putting it back in the cupboard when all the tentacles got wiggly again. "W-What about a drink? I have some juice in there that's pretty high in sugar. I could a-add more."

"Stop doing that!" Rainbow bristled at the feel of the tentacles agreeing with her. "Just because you like the idea doesn't mean you have to—to do that!"

Walking back to her fridge, Rainbow lifted out the carton of juice she normally had after a workout, but when she walked over to get a glass, a green tentacle had already gotten it. "Okay, that's pretty cool. Thanks."

Tipping the apple juice into the glass, Rainbow reached out and picked it up, only to have a tentacle (that had been holding the bag of sugar still) start pouring sugar in. "Whoa! Stop that! If I can't dissolve the sugar in that, I'm not drinking it. Also, you better eat this sugar—I can't afford to get fat."

The big tentacle stopped pouring and put the bag of sugar back on the bench.

Eyeing the tentacle as it put the sugar down, Rainbow lifted the glass up to her lips. She could already smell the overly-sweet drink. "I can't believe I'm going to do this." Tipping it up, a shiver ran through her—it tasted better than anything ever had in her life.

The green tentacle that her tongue had become—that Rainbow was doing an excellent job of forgetting about, until now—amplified the taste of the apple juice to a new level, and before she knew it she'd gulped down the whole glass and was licking the bottom of it. Pausing at the odd sensation, Rainbow quickly pulled her tongue back into her mouth.

"That's freaky, but—Oh heck!" Rainbow's belly began to tremble and move about as shapes made themselves visible. "Why'd that make you extra wiggly? You said it would calm you—you—"

Suddenly, the tentacles stopped.

"Oh. Uh. I guess that did work. Alright, I'm gonna go sleep before you wake up."

Rainbow woke up to a new sensation. It wasn't the over-the-top wiggling from the previous night, but the feel of her own tongue squirming around in her mouth—without her controlling it—was enough to jerk her fully awake. "Wak daf?"

With a rainbow wave of light she was in her bathroom and looking in the mirror. Opening her mouth, Rainbow had to roll her eyes down to be able to see her green tongue—looking very tentacle-like—wiggling around in her mouth. "Tha thath!"

Her tongue stilled, then was under her control. "Seriously, that's just freaky. Was that me actually doing that, or is it—" Her eyes widened. "It couldn't be…"

Only because she'd stopped talking (or grunting as the case may be) did Rainbow hear the soft tapping on her front door—only one pony knocked so softly. Avoiding thoughts of what the thing was in her mouth, Rainbow trotted to the front door and opened it to see an exhausted-looking Fluttershy. "Oh gosh! Come in and sit down. You look beat."

"I just need a little rest. I was going to head home and have a nap, but then we had a song to sing, and Twilight said I should come and see you right away. Is something wrong?" An edge of worry crept into Fluttershy's voice as she spoke, worrying for her closest friend. "Why is your tongue green?"

"You probably want to come in for that. Things have been getting… wiggly."

"Wiggl—" Fluttershy froze as she stepped inside and saw Rainbow in partial profile. Her mind raced to track down what had stolen her attention so fiercely, only to focus on the tentacles in Rainbow's butt. "Oh. My. Goodness!" Even yelling, Fluttershy's voice was still below most ponies' in volume. "That's a Tentaculus Minor! How'd you get it?"

"Major, actually." For nearly five minutes Rainbow's brain had managed to forget that her tongue was a tentacle.

Eyes widening in excitement, Fluttershy's wings shot up and out. She stared at Rainbow. "H-How long have they been in you? Have you fed them yet? What do they like to eat? How far do they go? Are they really nocturnal? Would you—?"

"Hold up!" Rainbow Dash slowly withdrew her hoof from Fluttershy's mouth. "Firstly, I need to know everything you know about them."

"Oh—Um—Well, I don't know too much about the Major, they're quite rare. I mean, I knew there was some in the Everfree Forest, but I didn't expect to ever see—" Fluttershy stopped dead mid-sentence. She'd noticed Rainbow Dash's tongue. "Your tongue is green! Is it like with the Minor? Did it just color your tongue with its sap? Oh goodness! Where's my copy of Wiggly Things and You?"

"Well, it's probably at your house, but—" Another word was impossible. Rainbow felt her forehoof grabbed and more wingpower than she'd ever dreamed existed pulled her at insane speed out her front door and toward the edge of the Everfree Forest. Even the tentacles inside her were surprised, and barely wiggled at all when Fluttershy stopped the mad rush in her living room.

"Y-You guys okay?" As soon as Rainbow asked, she realized how silly it was to firstly ask the tentacles inside her if they're okay, and secondly not to take into account how they usually answered. Her body locked up, her back arched, and Rainbow shivered at the sensation of happy tentacles letting her know how wiggly they could be. "I-I-I'll t-take that a-ah—" She shivered all over. "…As a yes."

"It says here that they can't be removed without harming them." Fluttershy was excited as she read. She'd never paid much attention to the more invasive tentacle species, but to have one before her—or behind Rainbow—made them the topic of the day. "And they're endangered!"

Shaking off the sensations the tentacles imposed on her whenever they agreed with her, Rainbow nodded. "Twilight already said they can't be removed. I was kinda hopin' you could ask them really nicely to come out? I'd kinda like my—uh—rear back."

"Oh no. No, no, no!"

"What?"

"They're not just in your rear, Rainbow, they use a host's entire body cavity. End to end. They start in the stomach, which is where most of their—This stuff is really fascinating." Fluffing her wings out, Fluttershy looked at her friend in excitement. "They don't just set up shop in one part of a pony's digestive tract, they take over the functions of all of it so the host doesn't need it all. The tentacles in your stomach are nearly twice as efficient as your entire body was at breaking down compounds to use for food."

"What?!"

"Well, I mean they need to be. They have to eat for you and themselves, and they'll be looking to lay their eggs soon, which means they need even more energy." Flipping the page, Fluttershy read more while Rainbow stood stunned by her words. "Oh, the tongue-thing is interesting."

"Tongue thing? What tongue thing? What's it done to my—" Rainbow cut herself off when she heard Fluttershy start talking.

"Apparently the tentacle creature extends one tentacle up the pony's throat where it dissolves their tongue and attaches the tentacle to them—fusing part of itself to their nervous system and blood system in the process. This is how it's feeding you!" Fluttershy looked up at her friend. "Nature is so fascinating!"

"Did you really—?" Rainbow Dash cut herself off before asking the tentacles a question they could answer yes to. "What do you mean, dissolved my tongue? I can still feel it, and move it, and stick it out—thee?"

"Oh my!" Staring, Fluttershy snapped out one wing to grab the end of the nearly one mareter long tongue while she pulled a measuring tape out. "That's quite impressive."

The oddest thing about sticking her tongue out, for Rainbow at least, was that she could suddenly feel all of it. The thing was huge, and she'd never really thought of how much of it she could feel in her mouth or how much control over it she had. "Aggg! Fwaffathy!"

Once she'd measured both length and girth, Fluttershy let go of Rainbow's tongueticle. "Let me just write that down."

Feeling every bit of the tongue she pulled back into her head, Rainbow was acutely aware that she could feel part of her mouth and throat accommodate the huge length. "It's done more than just dissolved my old tongue, I can feel how it fits in now. This is all kinds of gross!"

Fluttershy's mouth dropped open in a vision of shock. "That's amazing! What does it feel like to be inside Rainbow Dash, Mr. Tentacle?"

"Don't ask—" But it was too late. Rainbow's eyes crossed and her forelegs folded under her. Butt in the air, she made soft groans and arched her back while the tentacles did stuff to her.

"Really? That's interesting. How did you come to be in her?"

Rainbow's ears were splayed out almost as wide as her back legs. She trembled and jerked her hips while hungry—happy little noises left her throat.

"In a hot spring? That's how she got the last one. Oh! She sat down this time, I guess that means you got in her mouth?"

Soft mewling sounds were teased from Rainbow by the tentacle's answer to Fluttershy's question. She felt pressure building within. Pressure unlike anything she'd felt before in her life.

Fluttershy barely noticed that the noises her special talent let her interpret as words were actually her best friend's impassioned moans. "Would you like a drink? Perhaps some sugar?"

Rainbow's piercing cry finally got through to Fluttershy as something other than the tentacles wanting to talk. She froze, watching her best friend squirming and waving her butt into the air with her tail cocked so high that a rainbow of tail hair fell onto her back. Behind Rainbow Dash, the squirming tentacles looked like a bizarre attempt at imitation of a polychaete sand-mason.

"I'lljustmakesometea!" Heart pounding, Fluttershy ran to the kitchen while her memory helpfully played back the "voice" of the tentacles, reminding her with the firmness of all such permanent memories that she would never forget that she'd just assisted in driving her best friend to orgasm.

Dropping to her belly in the middle of Fluttershy's home, Rainbow panted and tried to muster the strength to do anything other than appreciate the upsides of having a bunch of tentacles living in her butt.

Movement drew Rainbow's attention to the door to the kitchen. She saw Fluttershy poke her head out, then back in again. "F-F-Flutters? I-It's okay. I just need a—" an aftershock of "conversation" rushed through Rainbow, stealing her words for a few moments, "—a chance to relax. I know you di—didn't mean it."

"Okay, tentacles, you had your—my—fun, now quit your wiggling so I can get up and make sure you didn't traumatize Fluttershy. Do you want to see her cry?" Rainbow Dash was struck by the complete and utter lack of movement of the tentacles. "Didn't think so, neither do I." With only the pure willpower and focus a trained athlete built up over a lifetime of schooling themselves in discipline, Rainbow pushed with her legs and slowly lifted herself to her hooves.

Turning her head, Rainbow expected to see a horrid mess on the floor, but it was dry. "Wait, I'm normally a bit mes—" She gulped. "Okay, two benefits. You guys can drink that—That's not a question, it's a statement." The last words were spoken quickly.

It wound up taking several hours of companionship and reassurance for Rainbow to convince Fluttershy that nothing bad had happened. She'd wound up leaving her friend huddled up with a bear that, through Fluttershy, had assured Rainbow that he'd ensure she slept well.

Marching out of Fluttershy's house with a determined air, Rainbow froze at the sight of Twilight. "What now?"

Twilight Sparkle had a few stray hairs out of place and looked a little manic. "I did it! I mean, it didn't take much arguing, but they told me I couldn't."

"Today's the day Rainbow and her tentacles calm everypony down. Got it. Okay, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said, "What did you do that everyone said you couldn't?"

"This!" A grin of manic glee creased Twilight's face as she teleported the stack of paperwork to Rainbow. It took her a few seconds to realize Rainbow wasn't going to take it from her with her own magic and read it all on the spot. Then it took her another moment to remember Rainbow Dash wasn't a unicorn. Tilting her head to the side, Twilight focused on the "horn" she'd been fooled by. "Why is there a tentacle on your head?"

Tilting her head back, Rainbow looked up to see a green tentacle weaving just above her head. "Eh. I kinda got used to them—so long as they aren't being all wiggly. So, what did you do?"

"I preserved you!" Her excitement reignited, Twilight waved the stack of papers. "I didn't even need to make a royal decree, either! Sure, they tried to argue you didn't count, but I pointed out that a pony is over fifty percent water by weight, and then—"

"Twilight!" Rainbow knew the time had come to stop her friend ranting. "Twilight, what did you do?"

"I registered you as a protected wetland!"

An actual cricket chirped in the grass beside Rainbow while her brain tried to home in on the exact point in the conversation where Twilight had said something completely insane. Ah, Rainbow's subconscious exclaimed, There it is. Wetland. "You what?"

"Well, yesterday evening, after you left, I was talking to some friends from Canterlot about the tentacles that had taken over your—ahem—plotting, and one of them asked me to get a cutting! I told her I wouldn't, I mean Minuette should know better than to—Anyway! She said she'd file a lawsuit to get you to furnish the scientific community with a sample of not just the tentacles, but your blood—She's a really good lawyer, by the way." Twilight seemed to be having trouble sticking to one train of thought, particularly when the story needed to be told quickly. "Anyway, I defended you and your butt friends—"

"They're not 'butt friends'!"

"I defended you both. The tentacles were easy, being an endangered species, but she still pushed to have you detained to be sampled. That's when I got the idea!" Reaching a hoof into the stack of papers, Twilight plucked out the little placard the court had provided her. "Here!"

"The Rainbow Dash Royal Wetlands National Park?!"

"I put royal on it because I'm a princess!"

There were a lot of things Rainbow Dash wanted to call Twilight, but she knew that in her friend's own special way she'd stood up for Rainbow. "Thanks, Twilight." And if there was one thing Rainbow Dash knew about, it was loyalty.

Author's Note

Fluttershy: What happen to the tentacles that you talked out of Rainbow before?

"Oh! They're recovering from the ordeal of removal well. A nice mare offered to help, and they were more than happy to settle into a new home. It can be hard to find suitable homes for my little friends sometimes, but whenever I visit her, she's very happy."

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post! They will pick one question per chapter.

Support me on Patreon or fuel my writing on Ko-Fi!

Join me on Discord. Please use your FimFic name as an alias. Warning, said chat may contain NSFW material and should be considered adult in nature.

Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
A.P.O.N.I.
Canary in the Coal Mine
Daremo
Dio-Drogynous
KFS Crimson
Sirion123
Wind of the Skies

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Lab

Btw, that whole wetlands bit is thanks to a little slice of comedy gold by FredMSloniker. Credit where credit's due.

Also, for information on polychaetes, please see this purely informational video.

You're Nearly Done, But I Wouldn't Recommend Finishing This

"Stop it."

"I already fed you."

"Quit it."

Rainbow Dash was trying to have one of her typical early afternoon naps, but every time she got settled, the tentacles got wiggly again. When they shattered yet another attempt at sleep, she steeled her resolve. "That's it. It's time to teach you wigglers who is in charge of this body."

Launching herself from her most cozy, cloud-stuffed recliner, Rainbow made her way into the kitchen while trying to ignore the wiggly tentacles protruding from her butt.

Opening her fridge, Rainbow never gave a thought to the magical receptacle of all things leftover. Equestrian refrigerators were not just as chill as those from other dimensions, but they kept food safe to eat—as Pinkie Pie would say—forever. There was a burger from the last time Rainbow and Twilight had relied on Twilight's tastes for dinner selection; there was a pile of tacos that Pinkie Pie had specifically instructed be made with not just an extra splash of lime juice, but sour cream as well; a container of Ponese food that Fluttershy had insisted was the best in town; and there was a huge tub of chili nachos that Applejack had nearly managed to incinerate Ponyville with.

Rainbow Dash grabbed it all.

"Okay you wigglers, you may be a guest in Hotel Rainbow Dash—" Rainbow set all the things on the table, then grabbed several bottles of the hottest chili sauce she had and a little tub of wasabi paste that Fluttershy had left, "—but I don't have to make your stay a pleasant one!"

In a flash of speed (ten seconds flat, of course) Rainbow Dash had distributed a generous helping of each of the fire-breathing condiments to each of the foods. The chili nachos seemed to have a soft red glow about them, which is what Rainbow figured was almost right—she added a smear of wasabi paste as well.

"Last warning, wigglers. I don't want to have to do this, but you forced my hoof."

One of the tentacles had reached up to the table—toward the tacos—but they all continued to wiggle.

"That's it!" Rainbow figured the best way to start was with scorched earth. She reached for Applejack's chili nachos and loaded one chip up with the only substance that she'd ever seen make a dragon breathe fire out of both ends—but that was before she'd fired it up more.

Bringing the single chip toward her mouth, Rainbow popped it inside and prepared to deal with Tartarus—only to find it tasted amazing. Sure it was spicy, but it didn't burn, and if anything it made her only want more. "These are—are totally awesome!"

Rainbow's belly started to react just as she'd finished practically inhaling the nachos. "Oh no! Stop that! You're not going to be so wiggly for long!"

The spicy sambal noodles flicked and shot around as Rainbow slurped them down. The more heat, the better everything tasted. By the time she got to Twilight's leftover burger, she'd dumped one fully bottle of chili sauce and was looking through teary eyes for another. No matter what she ate from the table, if it was spicy hot, it was amazing.

The rumblies in Rainbow's belly got stronger, and then headed further back. She had her snout in the can of wasabi—licking the bottom—when all the tentacles started squirming and moving. Jerking her head from the can, Rainbow sneezed and fell sideways off her seat. What had started as just wiggling had turned into something else.

One by one the tentacles shoved into somewhere Rainbow would really much rather not have tentacles shove, and each time she felt something seem to ripple in them, before they would withdraw again. Over and over. The worst (best?) bit for Rainbow was, at least while they were doing whatever they were doing, they weren't wiggling.

The wiggling of the tentacles no in her other place had become so intense that it took all the fight out of Rainbow. She sneezed again, coughed, and slumped into a half-awake stupor.

When Rainbow heard somepony knock on the front door, the tentacle party inside her had been over and done with for a while, but now all the tentacles were wiggling like crazy—and Rainbow couldn't do anything to stop them. "Heeeeeelp..."

Carefully opening Rainbow's front door, Fluttershy poked her head in. "Rainbow Dash? Oh my!" She saw the mess on the floor in the kitchen, and Rainbow was in the middle of it—leaking from just about every hole. Her eyes and nose were watering furiously, and the green tongue she now possessed hung out the side—wiggling like the tentacles coming from her butt.

With a force of will that defied the ordeal she was dealing with, Rainbow managed to suck her tongue back into her head. "Fluttershy, help. They're being extra wiggly and—" Rainbow bit off the rest of her explanation.

"Oh my! Rainbow, what happened?" Walking over to her friend, Fluttershy could smell a sweet odor in the air combined with something spicy. "What did you do?"

"They wouldn't stop—wouldn't stop wiggling. I wanted a nap, and told 'em if they don't stop and let me sleep, I'll blast 'em out. Damn wigglers…" Shifting her hips seemed to encourage more wiggling, so she stopped. "Can you tell them to stop?"

"Did you eat all this?" Fluttershy asked, gesturing at the mess on the table and the remains of the fiery feast Rainbow had knocked onto the floor.

"You don't understand, they're sooooooooo wiggly…"

"Well of course!" Fluttershy, having read more of her book on wiggly things, recognized exactly what had happened now. "Oh Dash, how did you know the tentacles love spicy food?"

Jerking herself upright, Rainbow stared at her friend while struggling futilely to ignore the tentacles still wiggling like crazy. "What?"

Fluttershy clapped her hooves together in delight at how wonderful Rainbow had been. "You're such a gracious host!"

"Ugh… do what?"

"I'm sure they'll be laying eggs in no time!"

Glaring through Fluttershy with a thousand-yard-stare, Rainbow started shaking almost as much as the tentacles wiggled. "W-W-What?!"

"Capsaicin triggers their mating drive. Oh, I'm sure they'll start putting eggs in your—" Fluttershy froze as she watched a ripple of motion through Rainbow's body, and then a little green orb rolled across the floor. "Goodness me!"

"What was that?!" Rainbow turned her head to look back, unsure why she'd shivered from the tip of her nose to the end of her tail. Seeing Fluttershy pick up a little round thing about the size of her hoof freaked Rainbow out. "What is that?!"

"It's their first egg, Rainbow! This is so exciting! The book said that their clutch size is usually in relation to how well-fed they are and how much spicy food they were exposed to." Cradling the little egg, Fluttershy giggled. "And the moment they get into a warm, wet environment, they'll hatch."

Another shiver took Rainbow by surprise, and this time she knew it wasn't a tentacle doing something that she felt. The sensation of the egg coming out didn't hurt at all—it was too small for that—but she was now a lot more aware of the bloated sensation coming from somewhere that wasn't her stomach. "H-H-How many?"

Fluttershy watched Rainbow shiver again, and reached down to pick up two more eggs. "Goodness, I don't know. They normally put as many eggs as they can in a mare, and they grow rapidly and are laid. How many times did they, um, put them in?"

Focusing on anything but the feeling of more eggs leaving her shivering body, Rainbow latched onto the recent memory of the tentacles going in and putting their eggs inside her. She lost count at fifty. "H-How many do they lay each time they go in?"

"From what I remember, anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand, depending on the health of the tentacles and their food." Fluttershy started to do the math and realize how much spicy food Rainbow had eaten. "I-I'll get some wet towels!"

With Fluttershy rushing out of the room, Rainbow was at a loss as to what to do. The muscle trembles came constantly now, and she was getting quite the pile of eggs behind her. "G-Gotta find somewhere to put all of ya. This is—this is not so bad. Just have to not think about it too much."

By the time Fluttershy reached the kitchen (after rushing to the bathroom), she saw Rainbow carefully pushing the pantry door closed, a few eggs tumbling out from under her tail. "I got the towels. I wasn't sure how hot you'd want them, so I got a range of heat. These ones were—" Fluttershy stumbled and stopped speaking as she watched Rainbow start putting eggs in the refrigerator. "What are you doing?"

"My parents are coming around tonight, and I don't want them to know about all—all this!" Rainbow gestured to the eggs she was lifting up and putting in the fridge. "I figure if I can get them all out and hidden, there won't be a problem."

Fluttershy could only stare at the bizarre situation going on before her. Being friends with Rainbow Dash had never been easy—Fluttershy was already committed to helping. "Why don't you fill the oven—" She'd pulled on the oven's handle as she spoke, and the tumble of eggs pouring out of the cooker almost tripped her.

"Yeah… the fridge is all that's left in here. Would you mind putting those back?" Working out a better solution, Rainbow built a cage at the front of the fridge with the wire racks and turned around to stick her rear end in. "At least you guys aren't too wiggly now."

"I can't believe she's been made a national park." Bow said as he glided beside his wife. "How could anypony top that?"

Rainbow's cloud house was in sight, and Windy Whistles wobbled her wings in excitement. "Nopony! Until our little filly! You see, Bow, next she'll be a national park AND national holiday!"

Bow's eyes widened in surprise. "How would that even work?!"

"Because she's Rainbow Dash! That's how." Slowing her descent, Windy suddenly came up with the best idea. "Oh! We should glide in really quiet and then surprise her!"

"That's the best—idea—ever!"

"Well, Fluttershy, I may be full of tentacles, but at least my situation isn't getting any worse." Rainbow had one hoof resting on her much flatter tummy as she rested on the recliner. She wanted nothing more than to sleep, and was well on her way to reaching that goal regardless of her friend being there and her parents due any second.

Trotting out of the kitchen, Fluttershy carried one of the cans of fizzy drink she knew Rainbow (and the tentacles) liked. "Dash, I got you a can of carbonated soda pop. Sorry it's a bit warm, but there wasn't any room in the fridge."

Trying to ignore the only slightly wiggly tentacles that seemed to be exploring her as much as the chair, Rainbow was about to reply that she didn't honestly care how warm it was when the incident started.

Bow Hothoof and Windy Whistles burst through the front door, Windy leading the first part of a Mexicolt wave. "Oooooooh Rainbow—"

"Dash!" Bow Hothoof finished both the intro and the wave.

Neither of them saw Fluttershy tipped forward with the can of warm soda. The can hit the floor—attained a good deal more fizz than was strictly safe—and collided with the linen closet door that had swung open when Fluttershy collided with it.

Rainbow Dash was treated to a horror show she knew had to be happening, because nothing this stupid could be a dream. Several thousand eggs—rubberized and bouncy—came pouring out of the open door as the can of fizzy drink caught an edge and ruptured.

In hindsight, Rainbow should have expected eggs to bounce into her mother's mouth, her father's mouth, and even Fluttershy's mouth. And the warm can of soda spraying its contents around the room was undoubtedly going to hit each of the aforementioned ponies square in the face with its frothy, warm fluid.

There was a reason, of course, why Rainbow loved soda, but rarely drank it at home—carbonated soda eats through clouds. "Well buck," Rainbow Dash said as the squirming eggs—hatching—started to disappear through the floor. "I bet Twilight's going to think this was my fault."

FIN!

Author's Note

Fluttershy: What are you going to do when Rainbow Dash realizes you just blatantly proved that you're faster than she is?

"D-Don't be silly. I'm not faster than Rainbow Dash—nopony is. She the—cut the feed!"

Support me on Patreon or fuel my writing on Ko-Fi!

Join me on Discord. Please use your FimFic name as an alias. Warning, said chat may contain NSFW material and should be considered adult in nature.

Awesome ponies who are already helping to keep me in keyboards and rum:
A.P.O.N.I.
Canary in the Coal Mine
Daremo
Dio-Drogynous
KFS Crimson
Sirion123
Wind of the Skies

And special thanks to the following, for careful eyes and friendly words:
Lab

Credit for both the comic sets used in this (and all the art from this story) goes to Jargon Scott.

The particular comics used are:
https://derpibooru.org/2089587
https://derpibooru.org/2098823

You Wouldn't Dare Click This

Rainbow Dash sat on one of the uncomfortable seats in the waiting room of Ponyville hospital. She was focusing intently on watching a particular light blink on and off above a door. It was an old exit sign, and like all of its ilk it flickered. Rainbow Dash was starting to see deeper meaning in the pattern of the flashes. She counted them: 1 flash, 1 flash, 2 flashes, 3 flashes…

Of course, Rainbow Dash was doing this for a very good reason. She didn't want to think about the things squirming inside her. When she thought about the things squirming inside her, it resulted in her squirming too. "Will the doctor be much longer?"

Nurse Redheart was coming up on the end of a long triple-shift. She was wanting nothing more than to clear the waiting room so she could slump somewhere and sleep for a month, but instead she had a damp Rainbow Dash with a squirming belly sitting there, dripping on the seat and the floor. "Again? We told you last time, this isn't—"

"Can't you just give me something that will make them clear out?" All pretense was lost now. Rainbow Dash had to address the elephant in the room—or the tentacles in the butt, as the case may be—or give up and leave. "What's the strongest laxative you have? Give me a double dose and a prescription for prune juice!"

Delivering what even Princess Twilight Sparkle would call a professionally done face-hoof, Redheart let out the smallest whinny of defiance against a universe that seemed intent on ruining her hopes and dreams. "Firstly, you don't want the strongest laxative we have—the last pony who got it went from Ponyville to Canterlot in twenty seconds. Secondly, you can't get a prescription for prune juice."

Knowing more than everypony else, Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest-fluff in defiance. "But Granny Smith has one!"

"Doctor Horse gave her a prescription for prune juice so that she could tell Applejack she had to drink it. Granny Smith likes prune juice, but knew her granddaughter would go into seizures at the thought of her not drinking apple juice." Redheart disliked only one thing more than a pony being needlessly in pain, and it was a pony needlessly being a pain. "Now, thirdly, we can't get that thing out of you—" Redheart paused as Rainbow, like a missile, left the emergency room, "—with prune juice because they live on sugar byproducts. That would be feeding it."

Not hearing the last words of sage advice that Redheart was trying to tell her, Rainbow Dash was making for the Ponyville drugstore as fast as she could while also clamping her tail down. Pushing the door open, Rainbow froze in place as the thing pushed its way into a new part of her body.

This wasn't the first time Rainbow had been beset by overly invasive tentacles. They were considered a minor pest, found only in some warm springs around the Everfree Forest—which just happened to be the best places for a pegasus to relax after a heavy workout routine.

Walking up to the counter, Rainbow Dash was surprised to see Derpy Hooves working. "Uh, hi Derpy. I thought you worked at the post office?" Another squirm inside her caused the last word Rainbow spoke to go into an octave no stallion could ever hope to explore.

Laughing a little at the silliness of her next customer, Derpy snapped off a sharp salute. "Uncle Pill Popper really needed somepony to work here today, and I had some holidays I hadn't used. What can I get you?"

Suddenly glad she didn't have a prescription for anything, Rainbow breathed out a sigh of relief. "I need some laxatives and prune juice."

Derpy's wings shot up in surprise, then she tilted her head to one side, and when she still couldn't work out what was going on, she stuck her tongue out the corner of her mouth. Everything came together when she remembered last time. "Oh! You've got tentacles in your butt again? Didn't Fluttershy hel—"

"Fluttershy's off on a friendship mission with Pinkie Pie. I need these things out, and short of Fluttershy asking them nicely or wrapping my lips around a party cannon, I figure I'll blast them out chemically!" By the end of her expert diagnosis and solution, Rainbow had her wings out and her chest puffed up. The image may have been ruined by her tail shooting nearly straight up when something pushed its way out of her butt, however. "Make it fast!"

Turning around, Derpy's eyes tracked among all the medications until she spotted just the right thing. "This one!" Grabbing the bottle with a wing, she turned to see Rainbow studiously ignoring the green tentacle that was now coiled around her back left leg. "Are you okay?"

"Just—Just fine. C-Can you give me the pills and the—the—" When Rainbow felt a second tentacle creep out of her tailhole and slither slowly down her taint to her vulva, she stopped talking, whimpered just once, and bolted out the door of the drugstore as fast as she could.

Derpy's wings tucked back down and she set the bottle of pills on the counter. "I guess she likes having them?"

Spreading her wings, Rainbow Dash shot into the sky. Her coat was practically dry now, but the tentacle exploring her netherparts was becoming more insistent about gaining entry to her pleasure cavern. At least, those were the words Rainbow Dash was trying to not think about as a green tendril snaked its way into her vulva.

Landing on her home's cloud, Rainbow was inside the door and rushing to her bathroom in less than a second. Never before had she been so thankful for the huge mirrors that Rarity had insisted she needed to look her best. Turning, Rainbow looked in one mirror, which looked at another mirror, and a third one, which showed a third tentacle squirming out of her butt.

Whining, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes so she couldn't see the tentacles. For nearly ten minutes she stood there, trying to ignore the sensations that felt wrong and good in equal measure. "No!" Her resolve reasserted itself and Rainbow opened her eyes. Both her back legs had a tentacle gently wrapped around them, and the one leading from her ass to her pussy was shifting slightly—but she already knew all this from how incredibly turned on she was. "Just stop!"

When the movement inside her ceased, Rainbow stared at the unmoving green things in the mirror. "Are you guys seriously going to do what I tell you?"

The moment of peace lasted an hour. Rainbow had adjusted to the new normal by settling on her couch with a Daring Do book to avoid thinking about what was happening.

At last, as if they too were bored, the tentacles all pulled back. Rainbow arched her spine and let out a wordless squeak of shock as the one in her vagina withdrew, and she felt each of her back legs freed. The downside was her belly was extra-full now.

"This is—This is somehow better. You okay to stay in there while I find somepony to help?" For a second Rainbow felt silly for talking to the tentacles currently residing in her colon, but it seemed to help the first time. "Right. I'm heading out to talk to Twilight. She'll work out what we can both do to get you where you belong and me—me rid of you."

A gut-twisting clench made Rainbow bit her lip and gasp. "Hey! You can't stay in there forever. How am I meant to go to the bathroom like this? Or fit into my flight suit for that matter. Look, if you need a little more time to do—I don't want to know what—stuff, that's okay, but you have to come out sometime."

When she felt no disturbances from her intruder for several minutes, Rainbow Dash headed for the door. Her sense of balance was still off, but she wasn't the best flier in all Equestria for nothing and easily accommodated the extra mass in her stuffed rump.

Choosing discretion, Rainbow landed on the large balcony of Twilight's castle and walked up to the door that led inside. Lifting a hoof, she started to knock when she felt the tentacles poke free of her rear again. "What now?"

One of them extended quite a bit behind her while another snaked around to her side. Rainbow tried her best to ignore all of them because with them out it meant her gut had a little break—though there was an odd sensation of something moving inside her still.

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, opened the upper door of her castle and felt even better about her day. "Rainbow Dash! It's great to see you! Come in!" Without another word she turned and made room for Rainbow to come inside.

Wanting nothing more than to be out of the public eye, Rainbow Dash slipped inside as fast as she could—she didn't even notice one of the tentacles helpfully closing the door behind her. "Twilight, help! The tentacles have taken up residence again—well, they're probably not the same ones. I told them last time that if it happened again, I'm gonna charge rent or something." She was only half joking. After all, if they could understand her, they could gosh-darned work for their keep.

Freezing in place, Twilight turned around to look at her friend. It wasn't hard to spot the jiggling in Rainbow's belly, or the green tentacles that were waving about behind her. "Again?!"

"That water's really soothing, okay! I took precautions this time and everything!" Shivering at the feeling of something pushing around inside her, Rainbow turned her head. "Will you stop that?! I'm trying to talk!"

Twilight could only stare in shock as the three tentacles all seemed to calm down—one even retracting all the way inside Rainbow.

"Thank you. Now—" Rainbow Dash turned her head back to Twilight, "—I made sure to sit on my rump this time so they couldn't get in."

Now Twilight was a little intrigued. "But they got in anyway?"

"Y-Yeah. Can we not talk about that bit?"

When Rainbow stuttered her words, Twilight noticed something she'd missed earlier. "They got in your mouth, didn't they?"

Snapping her mouth closed, Rainbow slowly nodded her head. But she had to ask, "How'd you know?"

"Your tongue is green. It's a common sign of some of the rarer tentacle infestations that infect through the mouth." Twilight kept talking, but after her first four words, Rainbow was screaming. "Calm down!"

"But—"

"I have a book about this. Come along, and don't let your friends break anything." Twilight didn't need to know her castle backwards to be able to find the main library—she could sense such a large quantity of books.

"but…" Rainbow almost fell sideways at the latest squirming. It was pushing at things and places it had no right pushing at, and she wanted it to stop. "Please stop doing that. Look, I promise I'll find something tasty to eat later, would you like that?"

The squirming in Rainbow's belly stopped immediately. "Okay. We'll start with something sweet. Lots of sugar." The squirming was back, but it wasn't quite as purposeful as before. Rainbow could almost think of it as excited wiggling.

Realizing she'd been left behind, Rainbow flapped her wings and went searching for Twilight, only to find her in the main library of the Castle of Friendship. Twilight, Rainbow realized, was reading a book. "Okay, Twilight, when can you get rid of these wiggly things? I can't fly properly like this!"

Twilight didn't notice Rainbow. Reading through a book she hadn't touched in nearly a year had her full attention. When something bumped her, she jerked out of her reading-trance. "Huh? Oh! Tentacles. Well, reading through the latest copy of Wiggly Things and You, I think I've found what's inside you. They're called tentacalus infectus, there's two sub-species, but I'm pretty sure you've got this—"

"Enough of the egg-head talk. How do I get them out?!"

"Well, these tentacles are an endangered species. You have to wait until they move out on their own after they hibernate for the winter." Twilight was confused as to why Rainbow wasn't excited that they'd get to study such a unique creature. "Oh, but you're lucky it's not these other ones, they'll never come out once they get a host."

"Right, forget those then. So winter? It's just—We're in spring, Twilight." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and did the math. "So eight months like this?"

"Well, it's spring, so that means in a month or two it will begin laying eggs—that is, you'll begin laying its eggs. They really are quite invasive." Reading on, Twilight blew out a sigh of relief. "Lucky it's not one of the intelligent ones, though. Wow would that get problematic."

Rainbow Dash's blood ran cold. "Intelligent? How intelligent? What are you talking about?" When the tentacles in her squirmed, she turned her head. "I'm trying to work out how this is all going to go down. Can you please stop?"

Watching Rainbow's belly calm and the tentacles behind her still, Twilight gulped. "Uh, probably about that intelligent. I'll go get Fluttershy…" With each of the last four words, Twilight backed up a step.

"Wha—" Rainbow's tongue shot out of her mouth, and not just the little bit it should, she had nearly a quarter of a pony-length of tongue now, "Aaaaaaagh!"

Author's Note

So I do this "Ask X" thing. X can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and they will definitely, hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories, and they will answer the best question in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer. Try to keep it to one question per post! They will pick one question per chapter.

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