Bagels, Donuts and Yaks! Oh My!
Princess Celestia was always a rather busy pony.
Being one of the two leaders of a rather exclusive diarchy, and governing an entire nation probably contributes to a rather enormous amount of said business. Not all of it was bad, and she absolutely loved protecting and helping her little ponies. It was just that on most days the workload could be quite substantial and drawn out.
If the governmental system had been slightly modified for a more 'constitutional diarchy' type feel, with some elected representatives to serve below the crown, that might have lessened the workload for the royalty. However, as with the Griffons, and possibly now even the Saddle Arabians, such a system in Celestia's eyes would only lead to ulterior motives and politicized corruption.
She was just glad she could give her subjects the opportunity and harmony that they deserved under her rule. A rule that could, actually should, be long-lasting.
Despite such work and ruling responsibilities, Celestia often found herself estimating in which direction the rest of the day would go through her esteemed Day Court.
In her eyes, Day Court was the 'make or break' for whether she would be able to enjoy her afternoon, or want to smash her head through a monochromatic painting.
Luckily, those days of the latter were far and few between, yet still happened occasionally.
It was in this aforementioned Day Court, in which she had managed to let her mind wander just that little bit farther due to which type of day this was becoming. It was looking like quite a good day indeed.
Celestia quickly realized her mistake in starting to daydream, and thanks to her years of diplomatic experience not allowing it to be shown, She casually resumed focus to the earth pony in front of her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part Iron Hinge." Celestia said with her signature smile. "Could you please say that again?"
Iron Hinge shifted nervously in place before speaking. "Your Highness, Me and the boys.. well we'd like to grab a permit for the removal of a building down in the eastern district. Mr. Money Cruncher sent me down here y'see and he wants to build another location for his industry." Iron Hinge replied.
She paused. "Is there any reason why Money Cruncher would wish to build in the eastern district specifically? If I recall correctly, he has plenty of locations across Canterlot, and many just a minutes walking distance from the Eastern District."
Iron Hinge rubbed the back of his head and let out a weak cough. "Only reason is to increase demand and supply is all. That's all he told me. Business as usual I s'pose"
Celestia nodded, humming thoughtfully.
"This all sounds perfectly fine to me" She continued. "Is there anyone living in said building at the moment?"
She couldn't imagine that a noble like Money Cruncher would tear down a residence and risk his political status being scrutinized. In her eyes it wouldn't be worth all the backlash... even if the pony there was living illegally.
"Not that any of us or Mr. Cruncher know, Your Highness. It looks pretty abandoned to me, and we haven't found anypony camping in it directly." Iron Hinge continued. "But I will say that to the poor, a shelter is a shelter. I've been in that situation before, and I took what I could get. I just don't want to find anypony laying there when we knock it down."
Celestia nodded and fell into thought.
Iron Hinge was certainly right about that fact. It would not be a good fate for any soul trying to survive. And there was no true way in knowing for sure if somepony had actually made it their home.
The brief silence in the throne room was broken when she issued her response.
"Very Well." Celestia tapped her chin. "I will approve your wish for a removal permit, but on one condition."
Iron Hinge smiled graciously.
"You are to ask the neighbors of the building if they have seen anypony enter or exit in the last three weeks, and you will station one of your workers to check the interior both a day before, and right before construction."
Iron Hinge reached for a notepad in his saddlebag and began furiously scribbling. A single bead of sweat tracing its way down his head as he nodded profusely.
"Furthermore, you will erect a notice of destruction at the site three days beforehand, and should any neighbors report activity within the building, please come see me again." She finished with a smile.
"Thank you so much Your Highness, and have a great day!" Iron Hinge promptly turned and headed out of the throne room.
"Thank you, my little pony." Celestia replied, and swiped a quick look at the sundial placed outside her window. She glanced at it every opportunity she had, and it had been in the royal gardens even before Luna had been...
No, now was not the time.
She forced that thought out of her mind and sighed happily. With no more ponies needing her help for today, and the sun just reaching around mid-afternoon, Celestia promptly saw herself out of her Day Court.
Cranberry truffles sounded absolutely delightful right about now.
"Excuse me, Your Highness?"
Celestia looked over to the pony in question who had seemingly interrupted her precious cranberry truffle time.
With just a little more than a sigh, she quickly donned her signature smile. It wasn't as if she was sick of dealing with her ponies, no, not at all. It was just that cranberry truffle time was a very rare and sacred act that was greatly admired by both her and Luna.
Her personal assistant, Ink Pound, was lucky. If such an interruption of truffle time had happened 1,200 years ago, she would have been thrown into the royal dungeons and cast out of society.
How unfortunate indeed.
"Yes Ink Pound, How may I help you?" She replied, her magic grabbing another truffle.
"I hate to bother, but you told me to remind you of the meeting with the Yak delegate at 4PM?" Ink Pound adjusted her glasses and lifted her clipboard. "...And it seems that they are earlier than expected." She said with a nervous smile.
Celestia pondered over this new information. A delegate being early was not usually an issue. But then again, this was the Yaks. Everything had to be perfect.
"Ah, Okay. When should we expect them to arrive?"
"Um... Your Highness... they're already here."
"What?!"
Celestia's eyes turned to that of shock and she could swear her blood ran icy cold as she promptly dropped her truffle and made sure there were no remnants of delicious food on her mouth.
"Ambassador's chambers?!" She said hurriedly.
Ink Pound nodded as the Princess of the Sun stood and forced open the doors leading to the hallway, and raced out of the room. If there was one delegate she didn't want to be late for, it was most definitely the Yaks. That's how one spells disaster.
Marching down the corridors of Canterlot castle at a swift trot, Celestia obviously wished to reach the destination on time, yet also appear not too rushed to those who may happen to walk by.
Always to keep a professional standard.
Yet of course, keeping the Yaks waiting was just as bad as sending them a declaration of war herself. And war was definitely something she did not need at that moment.
She promptly rushed to the ambassador's chamber with Ink Pound in tow behind her. Once reaching the doors of said room, paused for a brief moment and let out a breath.
She had learned how to deal with Yaks and their extremely short temper, yet she could not say with confidence that she had gotten used to it.
It always did wrack her nerves when declarations of war or imprisonments were so ready to be thrown around and acted upon by the unpredictable Yaks. And over the course of her diplomatic history, they had not changed at all.
Ever.
This was going to be a long meeting most definitely.
Celestia smiled and put her poker face on. She's got this. No war today Yaks, you bet your hairy hides on it.
The doors to the Ambassador's room swung open, and suddenly her confidence halted in place.
Inside, the meeting table was no longer recognizable, with pieces of marble and wood being crushed and thrown to all corners of the room.
Crashes and crunches could be heard as vases and decorations became piles of rubble in an instant.
Prince Rutherford, the leader of the Yaks, was personally seeing to the destruction of multiple antiquities, all the while sharing deep grunts and growls of "Smash" with his two other comrades present.
"ENOUGH!"
Celestia's Royal Canterlot Voice boomed throughout the entire western wing of the castle. The Yaks promptly ceased their path of destruction, and all turned towards the Equestrian ruler.
"Whilst I have agreed to conduct a meeting between us, I will not stand for such destruction in my palace. If you cannot behave, then I will see to it personally that you are sent back to Yakyakistan." She sighed and laid a hoof on her forehead. She turned to her guard.
"Short Case, could you please arrange to have a spare table and chairs brought in please? And if you could arrange for someone to clean... this up. Thank you." The Guard known as Short Case replied respectfully and left the room.
"PONY LEADER LATE FOR PONY MEETING! MAKE YAKS WAIT, YAKS DESTROY!" Prince Rutherford roared at the top of his lungs, saliva and sound waves being thrown across the room in a deafening invasion.
"PONY LEADER LUCKY. ONE MINUTE MORE AND YAKS LEAVE ROOM TO DESTROY HALLWAY!" The other Yaks beside him grunted in agreement, stomping their hooves.
"Good thing I arrived just in time, then." Celestia smiled as a group of ponies swiftly brought in a set of furniture for the royalty, and worked on cleaning the mountains of debris. Once all was said and done, She gestured for them to take a seat. "Now, Prince Rutherford. Besides my furniture's ruthless obliteration, to what pleasure do I owe this meeting?"
Prince Rutherford took a seat.
"YAKS WANT TASTY BAKED GOODS"
Celestia slowly blinked, as the cogs in her mind struggled to determine if she had heard correctly. 'baked goods'? is that really all they came all this way for? The decimation of furniture only for the purpose of 'baked goods'?
She couldn't believe it.
"I'm sorry, could you please re-"
"PINK PONY BRING TREAT TO YAKYAKISTAN. YAKS WANT MORE TO BRING BACK."
"I...see." The Princess shook the confused look off her face. "What type of baked goods exactly? I'm sure the royal chefs have whichever food you're looking for."
Let's hope they do, or else. She sighed internally.
"TREAT HAS HOLE IN MIDDLE AND MAKES YAKS WANT TO DESTROY!" An orchestra of roars came from the three Yaks, with stomping hooves and loud snorts following close behind.
'Were they talking about doughnuts? She didn't know Pinkie Pie had brought the Yaks doughnuts. But that was easy enough in of itself. Celestia thought. Just task a guard to find Donut Joe and bring back as many as the Yaks can carry, then they'll be on their merry way, as happy as can be. She re-assured herself with the relatively easy task.
She ordered the closest guard to fetch as many donuts as he could carry, and report back as soon as possible.
The fact that donuts made the Yaks want to commit a hate crime did not faze Celestia in the slightest, as long as they waited until outside Equestrian borders.
Out of all her diplomatic experience with foreign parties, this task was a piece of cake.
Despite her obliterated room, she would much rather have this upfront request of a simple acquisition as apposed to the griffons and their tricks, or trying to undermine Equestrian efforts with schemes and policies.
After what seemed like only ten minutes of waiting and idle chat, the lone guard tasked with acquiring donuts strolled through the open doorway. Boxes upon boxes of donuts in a large tower wobbled side to side with fear of collapse from even the slightest breeze.
The guard stumbled in and landed the boxes on the table. The party of Yaks were unable to disguise their thirst and excitement for such an icing-covered extraordinaire.
Prince Rutherford practically tore the box open and forced one of the delicious delights down his throat.
"BLEAH!"
And alas, said delicious delight forced its way up his throat. A look of pure disgust and anguish on the Prince's face.
"THIS NOT SAVORY TREAT! THIS IMPOSTER BAKED GOOD! YAKS DESTROY!" Roars and stomps made sure that no further imposter edibles were left intact, with boxes and pieces of donut being flung to near terminal velocity.
Crashes and war cries dominated the replacement table and chairs, and made quick work of any interlopers.
"It's going to be a long day, after all."
Celestia facehoofed. There goes another set of furniture.
Princess Luna didn't mind walking the castle during the day. Well, as long as it was to the kitchen to grab a mid-day snack, in case she was hungry whilst sleeping.
Besides, her chambers weren't too far away. All it took was two lefts and a right.
Luna took the second left as she pondered over what her meal should be. Something light, but not too light. Fill the belly, but don't overdo it or you won't be able to sleep. A small daisy sandwich sounded beautiful about now. Perfect fit for eating light.
"I know! I can't wait to see how he plays the role even with all that armor on. I mean, can he even see in there? it must be so heavy!"
Luna turned her head to the right where she heard the voice. Two mares were standing off to the side, leaning in, and had not noticed the Princess of the Night come around the corner. She decided to keep walking towards the kitchens, yet have her earn open just to hear what they were saying.
"I honestly can't understand how they can run that play for a straight week! I mean, Hooves and Holders in of itself is such a drawn out performance. I wouldn't be able to keep up physically"
Luna's head rose in shock and revelation at what was said. Hooves and Holders?! In Canterlot?! FOR A WEEK?! It seemed almost too good to be true! She had dreamed upon seeing such a legendary play, yet was never able to because of her night shift.
Likewise, she knew her sister would share the same jovial spirit over such news, and coupled with the fact that the performers finally came to Canterlot? It was time they could both go together. Her sister would be ecstatic at such news.
Luna used her magic to locate Celestia's current whereabouts, then turned tail and sped down the hallway at full gallop, completely forgetting about her mid-day snack.
Celestia sighed as she finally managed to get the Yaks to calm down enough to listen to reasoning and stop crushing donuts or making cracks in the walls. At last it seemed as though this disastrous encounter was coming to a close. Although, she was sure it could not get much worse.
Luckily there was some form of a silver lining. At least the Yaks hadn't declared war...yet.
And that was a big yet, because she was sure it was bound to happen if the Yaks remained bagel-less for another minute.
As far as she knew, the bagel deliverer was fast on their way, and this time she had even provided an armed escort to ensure the couriers safety. All she had to was stall the Yaks for long enough.
Easier said than done, to be sure.
"-AT IS WHY GRIFFON GET CRUSHED. END OF STORY." The Yak's rant finally reached it's conclusion. What was actually said and meant, Celestia didn't really know. She had personally tuned out long before the story had finished, and only replying with cordial nods throughout. Her diplomatic experience taught her well in these sorts of situations.
"I see. Well, I assure you the bagels are coming as we speak. I hope you find them to your liking." She assured.
As if on cue, the door to the ambassador's room opened, and three ponies carrying hoof-fulls of boxes made their way through the door-
SLAM
The ponies tasked with bagel retrieval were thrown aside and slammed by the sudden and forceful push of the doors. Boxes flew and bagels tumbled.
"SISTER! I HAVE GREAT NEWS! HOOVES AND HOLDERS ARE COMING TO CANTERLOT NEXT WEEK. THEIR PERFORMANCE IS TO BE EXEMPLARY, AND WE SHALL ENJOY IT THOROUGHLY! WE MUST ATTEND AT ONCE. Luna screamed at full Royal Canterlot Voice, booming so loud that even Celestia had to flinch her ears.
Luna turned her head as she suddenly acknowledged the others in the room.
The servant ponies moaned on the floor as they struggled to stand.
Celestia blinked once. "Luna, that's amazing but I'm in the middle of-"
"BLUE PONY DESTROY SAVORY TREAT SHIPMENT. DELIVERY NOT PERFECT! PONIES FAILED TO DELIVER ON PROMISE! YAKS WILL DES-"
"SILENCE!" Luna shouted even louder. The room going completely still.
"I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR SAVORY TREATS OR YOUR SUPPOSED DESTRUCTION ATTEMPTS. YOU WILL BE STILL WHILST I TALK TO MY SISTER, AND I BETTER NOT HEAR A WORD FROM YOU OR YOUR ASSOCIATES. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"
Luna pulled away only inches from the Prince's face of shock and surprise, his mane being blown out of the way due to the sheer volume of sound. He remained silent as Luna eyeballed him with a terrifyingly intense stare, all the while motioning a hoof between her eyes and his.
"Now then." Luna said in a contrasting cheering tone. "Sister, as I said, Hooves and Holders are coming to Canterlot next week, and we must attend immediately! You know how much we have both wanted to admire such a spectacle!"
Celestia frowned. "Luna, that's great and I'm so excited to go see it, but we can't go together, I mean who's going to watch over the palace or rule the kingdom?"
"Yes but sister it is only for a measly 4 hours! I'm sure that there won't be a nation-wide emergency in the exact time we are watching!"
"Are you willing to bet on that?"
There was a long pause.
"Okay, fair point, but still! We can just ask Twilight Sparkle to reign for the time we are absent! it is nothing she cannot handle! The moon will be already raised, and I will be present in time for Night Court." Luna replied. "Do not worry sister, all is under con-."
"YAKS ANGRY AT BLUE PONY! YAKS WILL-"
SMACK
Prince Rutherford was cut off as Luna grabbed his mane with one hoof and smacked his face with the other. An enormous scowl on her face as she looked ready to flail the Prince alive. Her eyes the size of pinpricks.
"BE SILENT!" Luna howled. "YOU ARE TO LEAVE THIS PALACE AND EQUESTRIA RIGHT NOW, WITH NO BAKED GOODS OR SUPPLEMENTAL TREATS AT YOUR DISPOSAL.IF YOU DARE SAY ONE MORE THING TO MYSELF OR MY SISTER, I SHALL NOT HESITATE TO SEND YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF TARTARUS AND DROWN YOU MYSELF."
Luna let go of the Prince's mane and took a breath, then continued.
"Thy will perish in the isolation of eternal darkness and be sentenced to everlasting banishment if thine rules are not followed."
The delegate of the Yaks held fear in their eyes and terror in their frozen forms. Their blood long since run cold due to the words dealt by the Princess of the Night. The Prince could only stand in silence, paralyzed by sheer power, with a closer look revealing that he was shaking.
Even the servant ponies had either extremely wide eyes, with trepidation and awe at the forefront, whilst others had left the room.
Celestia herself was relieved. It took her sister to send the Yaks down with no hesitation. Something that she was not able to do. She held a small smirk at the thought of the Yaks returning.
It wouldn't be anytime soon. that was for sure.
If two things could be surmised, it was that such a yell from Luna not only a few decibels higher, would have probably risked the structural integrity of the palace.
And the second,
Luna really wanted to see that play. Maybe she should go with her, just to make sure Luna wouldn't tear the palace down otherwise.
The Prince eventually nodded and left the room, heading for the exit of the palace, and hoping to return to Yakyakistan as soon as possible, not wanting to tell his town why they didn't achieve their goal of bagels.
Once all had left, Celestia turned towards Luna.
"So, hitting a delegate? That's not going to be very good for relations you know." She smirked.
"What can I say." Luna knowingly smiled. "It's Hooves and Holders."
Author's Note
This is my first fic, so any constructive criticism is heavily appreciated.
Thank you.
