Audition!

Audition!

You take the final sip of your cappuccino before throwing the Styrofoam cup into the nearest trash can. If caffeine didn’t exist, you couldn’t possibly maintain this busy schedule without passing out. Which means that anyone auditioning for the part today should most certainly be able to run on pure life, or all the time, in other words. You reach the end of the drab hall, all browns and tans, to turn the knob into a room a similar if not same scheme. Taking your seat between your two advisory staff, you’re handed a copy of the script so you may reference it as the actors play for the part.

“Alright!” You exclaim with mock enthusiasm, “Let’s get star-OOF! “, you haven’t even begun work and the day is already worse, what a drag, you solemnly think to yourself. That was even before you registered the fact that you couldn’t breathe anymore.

Your eyes shoot open, they closed out of reflex when you hit the ground, or you think the ground anyway, and immediately pink obscures your vision, and that’s when the real fun starts…

“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie! Have we met before? Because I know everyone in Ponyville, wait, that’s right! You’re out from Canterlot looking for actors for your next big shot film! That’s why I’m here, Pinkamena Diane Pie, party thrower extraordinaire, to take the part of…well, Pinkie Pie! Omigosh, we’re gonna’ have so much fun! We’ll all be acting like people who we’re not, and it’ll be funny because we’ll be completely out of character! Or, out of person? What do you call what you’re normally like, a character or a person? Anyway, and then we’ll put in all the special effects like the explosions and aliens and dragons, even though none of those are in this movie because it’s a romance but there’ll still be effects! Then, after all the play is over we’ll have the real fun when I throw a The-Movie’s-Finished-And-Will-Be-Out-In-Theaters-Soon-And-We-Should-All-Get-Really-Drunk-Party party! Would it be alright if I invited all of my friends over to that? Well, not all of them because everyone’s my friend, I mean just Twilight and Applejack and Rarity and Fluttershy and Dashie! Also I tend to get real friendly when I’m drunk so you’d have to watch my back and make sure I don’t do anything stupid, got that /co/mrade? Also are you feeling all right?”

By now your face was flushed purple from lack of oxygen, Pinkie’s center of weight being directly on your chest making it extremely difficult to breathe. How does a girl that heavy stay that thin, and why couldn’t you just use carbon dioxide as efficiently?

“Can’t…breathe…” you triumphantly muster before with your final reserves of air before going limp beneath Pinkie.

You awaken to the soft, firm and pleasant feel of something perfectly encompassing your lips, while at the same time you feel a warm stream of air being pushed down into your lungs, which the push feeling being completely unnatural for you, you cough up to it, so happening to release the pleasant feel from your lips as well.

“See!” you can faintly make out on the edge of your hearing “I told you I could do it! You thought we were irresponsible for not calling an ambulance, but I told you I knew CPR and I did! I’m responsible you know, I can take care of my own mistakes!”

In light of that new information, you connect the dots and barely manage to suppress your gag reflex. That annoying pink blur of energy not only saved your life, but practically kissed you too?! The restraint of release must have been audible, because you were shortly (rather immediately) after confronted by another onslaught of that high-pitched ear acid.

“Wake up sleepy-head! It’s time for my audition, isn’t it?” She then bounced, not walked but bounced her way over the center of the room, where she should’ve been all along. You readjust your chair to proper, upright position and face your option for actor, whom is still hopping on the tips of her toes. What a nut-job, you mutter to yourself internally.

“Alright, well since you’re so insistent, show me what you got!” this time, with little actual interest. You were going to fun seeing how poorly she would do, I mean, going of tangents like she did?! No chance at memorizing a role!

“Show you what I have?” The girl questioned, tossing her pink pigtails to the side as she tilts her head sideways and strokes her chin in deep thought.

“Oh!” She exclaimed before a short fit of giggles, “Of course, I’ll show you everything I brought with me!” Then, Pinkie pulled a hot pink back pack, as is out of thin air, or maybe a pocket dimension. However, before you could question where, when, why and how you found a delicious pastry confection hastily shoved into your mouth.

“Cupcake! Pie! Cellphone! Ball, in case of ball emergency and a back pack!” The listed items had found themselves haphazardly stacked in front of your seat. You manage to swallow the offending cupcake after nearly suffocating for the second time today.

“Wait! Clothes count too don’t they? Sandals!” The pink-haired genki girl executed an extravagant backflip and the foot wear found their way onto the top of the pile.

“Shirt!” And with that a pink t-shirt found itself to be draped over your face, which you swiftly brush out of your eyes as to prevent obstruction from viewing what you predict to happen. Seconds turn into minutes as you ready yourself, prepared to end the next action before it is finished. Pinkie’s hands drift slowly towards her mammillary glands as her mouth opens, millimeter by millimeter pronouncing the next article of clothing to be thrown.

“Bra!” Drawn out ever so slowly as her fingers grasp the clip in between her breasts.

“WAIT!” You shout at the top of your lungs, freezing her in position as she waits for you to voice your concerns. Success is the only coherent thought you can process after that ordeal.

“What I meant was, could you show us the character of Pinkie Pie, so that we can know that you can do it? So please, could you get this rubbish back in your bag and put your shit back on?”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” The miscellaneous items were unceremoniously scooped back into the bag, sandals included, and the shirt torn away from your head, thrown towards the sky (or ceiling) to be let to fall right back onto shoulders.

Suddenly you feel a tight grip around your left shoulder and a cushion of sorts on your right.

“Hiya! I’m Pinkie Pie and I love to make sure all of my friends have a huge smile on their face all the time!” The majority of that last sentence was exhaled directly into your right ear.

“I remember everything about everyone one and a whole bunch of other stuff! Like how I was supposed to be here to audition today! A lot of my friends like to say that I don’t remember any events or gatherings on my own, but uh, well…just don’t believe em’!” She said, backing up and pointing a finger in scorn towards you. It was only for emphasis however, because you soon embraced again and escorted over to a door adjacent to the one you entered, the door being slightly ajar. You could only describe Pinkie’s actions as curt, which was extremely queer given the definition of the word.

“See? Here is a great example of my memory!” There was a long line of other pink haired girls, all nearly uniform in how close they all were to twins. Some probably actually were twins, a lot of them.

“This is Pinks, she loves to wear her sweet shades!”

“How’s it goin’?”

“Diane can be kind of sad time to time, well, most of the time.”

“Hey…”

“Here is Pink-Pie, she can make sick tunes to match Vinyl Scratch!”

“Sup’?”

“And this is Pinkamena; she tends to be real grumpy.”

“Grr…”

Pinkie Pie rambled on about the many doppelgangers personalities as a thought managed to creep into your witty and intelligent (or you think so at least) brain, you had a person named Pinkie Pie, going for the part of Pinkie Pie. What kind of bent-plot fourth wall is in play here?!

“Does that really matter; we should just get this interview over with right. That said, you weren’t even paying attention!”

“Yeah I guess you’re right…GAH! How did you know what I was thinking?”

“Pinkie Pie supposed to be able to bend the fourth wall right? I’d saw that’s a pretty warped concept right there, as well as my change in sentence structure and vocabulary to describe that.”

She’s living up to Pinkie’s character without flaw!, but what do you know, it’s not like you made the character.

“Well, if we’re going to finish up then we should go back inside the auditioning room, yeah? It wouldn’t be right if I picked you all on my own. Come on then, get a move on!” Then with sudden frisk, you feel the need to slap Pinkie’s butt to get her going. You have no idea what possessed you to do that and neither do you of the outcome for she eyes like a sultry maiden on the way back in.

You move in yourself and take your seat to see Pinkie sitting quite tame in a chair opposite to you, a pair of reading glasses over her eyes and script in firm grip. But, her script is not the script for the film…

“You don’t mind if I act lines from the show do you? I mean, it’s not like a different character or anything right?”

“Um, yeah sure, if you’ll feel more comfortable that way.” You say, still enthralled by minor confusion. However the woman to your right, whose name you’re drawin’ a blank on, seems to be enthralled by boredom as she blows an obnoxious raspberry.

Pinkie wastes no time in picking up on this and rushes over to her side, slamming her elbow on the table with considerable while leaning close into the comfort zone the woman.

“Did it hurt?” Pinkie said as smooth and hard-boiled as possible.

“Um…” The woman said, her voice wavering with discomfort, “Did what hurt?”

“Why, when you fell out of heaven of course!” Pinkie exclaimed, a smirk spread wide across her features.

The woman’s cheeks flushed considerably, “Excuse me?”

“I must ask, is there a rainbow today? Because I’ve just found the treasure I’ve been searching for!”

The woman was a bit light-hearted if you could remember correctly, strange you’d remember that over a name. Anyway, she couldn’t take anymore of Pinkie’s ’onslaught’.

“Please excuse me I have to uh…go to the restroom! Yeah, the restroom!” With that she rushed out the door.

You sat completely flabbergasted, staring at a (at the very least) bi-sexual Pinkie Pie.

“What was that all about?!” You practically scream. Again, not entirely sure why you’re acting with such conviction today.

“You saw how she was bored right? Well, not only did I brighten’ her day a little by flirting a bit, but I boosted her self-esteem too! Anything for my friends!” She ended off, a large dopey grin in place of the sly smirk.

“You know, you look a little down in the dumps too…a nice song should do!”

The very thought of a musical number makes you cringe.

“Actually Pinkie I’d rather you no-“

“You’re the best-est director, whoopee, whoopee!”

“Pinkie-“

“Filming the biggest, coolest, all around best movie, movie!”

“Pinkie-“

“And I bet that if I made you really cheery, cheery!”

“Pinkie-“

“That you’d give the part of Pinkie Pie in the movie to me!”

”PINKIE!!!”

“Yeah?” Pinkie questioned, oblivious and innocent to the pain she had just caused you.

“Come. Here.” You say deathly serious, glaring holes into Pinkie own eye sockets. She comes close and sits and the desk, the room is quiet with anticipation for the next set of events. Pinkie leans in closer still, inching ever so slowly towards your ear, till she finally reaches her destination. You can hear her breathing; feel the heat of each breath, in and out, when then to break the silence she whispers…

“Did I get the part?”

“Ugh!” You slam your head on the table three times in quick succession before rubbing the migraine out of your temples. She did fit the part to the tee but first, can you deal with that level of nuisance on a daily? And second, what are the extensions of that fourth wall disregard she displayed earlier? You haven’t forever to weigh the options….

“You…we’ll think about it.”

You, for the second time today are unsure in any consequence that your action may yield, but Pinkie must have been awfully sure of herself, because she immediately slumped after you said that.

“You’ll…think about?” She says her voice weak and filled with despair.

“As in, I might not get the part?”

“Yes.” You answer, you’ll have no more silly antics so you must keep firm.

“And I might not get to make a whole bunch of new actor buddies?”

“Some of them aren’t exactly ’friendly’ anyhow.”

“And there might not be a The-Movie’s-Finished-And-Will-Be-Out-In-Theaters-Soon-And-We-Should-All-Get-Really-Drunk-Party party?”

“Yes, you are a great choice-“She perks up a bit “but there may be someone better out in that hall and I intend to find who if there is one.” You are fairly certain that her vibrant pink hair just dulled a shade.

“You’ll…call me then?” Pinkie has clearly lost hope by this point, as she makes no effort to keep a cheery appearance.

“If you get the part, yes.”

“Okay…”

Pinkie Pie grabs her bag and slowly walks towards the exit. The room now has a damper feel around it and you’re certain not only is Pinkie’s hair, but everything around has gone down a few shades. You start to feel bad for Pinkie, she’s really downed about this whole thing. It’s not your fault you can’t stand the energetically insufferable…alright maybe just a little, but still!

“See you soon!” You shout after her, in a n attempt to brighten her day as she had a yours, to return the favor sort of speak.

She didn’t even turn to acknowledge you on the way out.