Sans-ational Bonehead

by PotatoGabe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Mystery, Spike, Comedy, Random, Undertale, Pinkie Pie, Crossover
Length: 4069

A skeleton trapped in a world similar to his own in search of his brother, a pony in a land alien to her in search of a way to return home. Friendship is found in the most unlikely of places.

After what appeared to be just another day in Snowdin, Sans finds his day turned upside-down when figures kidnap his brother and send him through a portal. Following their trail, Sans explores this parallel world while being accompanied by a purple pony searching for her way back home (and also seems to literally be incapable of not asking him questions).

A fic I've had on the back burner for quite some time now. Continuance of the story depends solely on feedback, despite having a relatively clear picture of where the story goes from here.

Published 2019-09-19 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-19 00:10:02 UTC

The Rift

Locked in combat, two figures clash head-to-skull in a dimly lit hall. Gold surrounds what can be seen, with splotches of red ever-so-callously stained in select spots.

Dread fills the air, the smell of iron following it close by. Bones fly off into the distance, crashing into whatever they have the misfortune of spiralling off to. Alongside the destruction of terrain, bright lights of unknown energy accurately target their faceless foe.

The aforementioned figure attacks, is near-effortlessly dodged, and the recycle repeats. Yet with each strike, the foes senses sharpen, their attacks and footwork quicken, and an unparalleled amount of bloodlust oozes off of their very being. As if their only purpose in life was to bludgeon their target with the dusty knife they swing around with such murderous intent. Determination. And they were 'determined' to emerge, as what they believed to be; the winner. To 'beat' the enemy. To 'finish' the game.

Meanwhile, the opposite could be said for the opposing figure. Beads of sweat roll down their head, dropping to the floor as if a thousand suns forced them to come out of their hiding in spite of their clear exasperation. With every attack on their life, their movements become significantly more sluggish; bearing the weight of the mercilessly slain. But they refuse to give up so easily.

They had a plan. As their 'special attack', they chose to do absolutely nothing at all. The opposing apparatus would become bored, and simply quit. Because that's exactly what the enemy was motivated by; some inept sense of curiosity, a drive to sate their boredom by seeing just what happens when they go through with the path of genocide.

And yet, despite their best efforts...

...

"...'s!"

...ans!"

No response was given.

"SANS!" Shouted the self-proclaimed 'seasoned sovereign of spaghetti' once more.

"huh? wuh?" Intelligently responded the receiver of backlash, placing a hand on his forehead and blinking profusely.

"ONCE MORE I'VE CAUGHT YOU PARTAKING IN LAZY AFFAIRS, BROTHER! AND WHILE ON DUTY, NO LESS!" The tall skeleton exclaimed, stamping his foot into the crinkling snow. "THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE UNACCEPTABLE DOUBLE WHAMMY! AND THIS MARKS YOUR 54TH TIME ENACTING UPON THIS! IN ONE WEEK! IT'S UNFORTUNATE THAT I'VE COME TO EXPECT THIS OF YOU!"

Sans, clearly not phased by his brother's outrage, merely shrugs. "c'mon bro, can't a guy take a lil' nap? i haven't slept since this morning."

Papyrus furls a metaphorical eyebrow. "SANS. IT'S 10 AM. CEASE YOUR TOMFOOLERY."

Sans chuckles nervously. "oh, is that right? sorry pap, didn't mean to tick you off. dunno what came over me, guess i was so tired from being 'productively' lazy all day that i just kind'a clocked out."

Papyrus, seemingly pleased, nods. "APOLOGY ACCEPTED. THOUGH, I REALLY DO WISH YOu... wai-" he trails off. He begins to grind his teeth. "SANS..."

"uh, yeah bro?"

"WAS THAT JUST ANOTHER SETUP FOR YOUR BAD JOKES...?"

Sans begins snickering behind his hand, now covering his grin. "woah bro, time out. i'd never go out of my way to make you feel all wound up like that."

Papyrus' eyes bulge cartoonishly out of their sockets. "IT WAS! HOW MUCH LONGER MUST I SUFFER YOUR INDIGNANT SENSE OF HUMOR!" His left eye now twitching, Papyrus begins to make several hand gestures to get across the point that he is, indeed, mad.

Sans begins laughing hysterically, no longer capable of maintaining his composure. If he at all harbored a gut, it would have proven useless to him seeing as it'd have burst by now. Papyrus then calms himself down slightly, rolling his eyes with his arms crossed.

"I HAVE REALIZED THAT INDULGING IN YOUR JOKES ONLY CREATES A SNOWBALL EFFECT FOR YOU TO INEVITABLY CHURN OUT MORE OF THEM, SO I SHALL RETURN AND DO MY JOB... UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE." Papyrus then looks away, letting out a 'humph' thereafter.

Sans has his final chuckle, before deciding to settle down, wiping a tear from his eye. "c'mon now, don't be mad. look, i'm sorry for slackin' off, alright? i promise i'll keep watch this time 'round." He extends his hand while leaning on the post, another sneakily placed behind his back, as he presents a reluctant smile on his face.

Papyrus turns back to Sans, questioning his sincerity. "YOU PROMISE?"

Sans hesitates. "uhh..."

Papyrus glares.

"...promise?"

Papyrus then puts his hands on his hips, leaning over his brother. "DO YOU PROMISE TO KEEP THAT PROMISE?"

"uh, yeah?"

Papyrus slams his hands on the post, becoming a bit too close for Sans comfort. "AND DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR BY THE SKELETAL OATH THA-"

"yeah, yeah. geez, it's almost like ya don't trust me or somethin'." Sans defends himself, cutting his brother off in the process.

Papyrus leers, turning his head to Sans' side, then back to face him. "I WOULD BE SIGNIFICANTLY MORE TRUSTING OF YOU IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR FINGERS CROSSED BEHIND YOUR BACK YOU CONNIVING SCOUNDREL!" Immediately after hearing this, Sans begins to fidget his hand inconveniently placed behind his back, before realizing that it was simply too late to deny it. He sighs.

"that obvious?"

"THAT OBVIOUS." Papyrus removes his hands from the post and leans back, rubbing his temples. "OH, T'IS A CRYING A SHAME INDEED! WHY MUST I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, BE PLAGUED WITH A BROTHER AS THOROUGHLY LAZY AS YOURSELF? OH, WOE IS ME!" He raises an arm over his forehead dramatically, closing his eyes while facing off into the distance. He sneakily peeks out one eye out to view his brother's reaction.

Sans extends an arm. "hey, me being lazy doesn't make you any less cool."

Papyrus retracts from his previously pompous position. "OH, I KNOW. BUT WHAT IF A HUMAN PASSES BY? FOR ALL WE KNOW, ONE HAS ALREADY CREPT PAST YOU DURING ONE OF YOUR MANY SNOOZES! THEN I WOULD NEVER BECOME A ROYAL GUARDSMAN HAVING LET A HUMAN WEASEL AWAY FROM MY EVER VIGILANT VISION!~"

"trust me bro, even when i'm asleep i've always got an eye socket out." Sans responds, lazing back into his stool despite its clear lack of material to actually lean back on. He winks, as if it somehow adds to his point.

Papyrus pouts. "UGH! I'LL BE OFF NOW, AND I SWEAR, IF I COME BACK TO SEE THAT YOU'VE ONCE AGAIN FALLEN ASLEEP, SO HELP ME... YOU SHALL NEVER ONCE MORE TASTE A MORSEL OF MY FAMOUS 5 STAR HANDMADE CUISINE!" He raises a hand and flattens it, as if holding a tray. He smiles proudly, posing. "(NOTE: PAPYRUS' FAMOUS 5 STAR HANDMADE CUISINE NOT YET FAMOUS NOR VERIFIED TO BE 5 STARS.)" He mutters in haste.

Sans snorts, speaking under his breath. "that just motivates me to sleep more."

Papyrus' eyes lower. "WHAT WAS THAT, BROTHER?" No longer in his proud position, but one of disdain.

Sans scrambles to readjust himself. "u-uh, i meant to say that I... guess i'll just sit here, working hard at... lookin' for... humans."

Papyrus stares blankly at his brother. Sweat beads protrude off Sans' head.

"HMMM..." He begins, inspecting. Sans gulps. "OKAY! BE GOOD NOW! DON'T FORGET TO FLOSS YOUR NOSE AND BLOW YOUR TEETH!" Papyrus' faces immediately snaps to that of good will, leaving Sans to merely exhale in relief. "...OR... SOMETHING RELATED TO THAT. FAREWELL, SANS! YOUR COOL BROTHER HAS DUTIES TO ATTEND!" He exclaims proudly. Waving his brother off, he jollily strolls off to wherever there is work to be done. Whether it concerns him or not is meaningless.

Sans wipes the sweat off his forehead, and raises his feet up on the post. "i should probably make an effort to not get up his sleeves so much. he's been workin' real hard, and i guess it'd make his day if he saw his big bro actually doin' work for once." He chuckles to himself. This was gonna be a long couple of hours. He can't help but wonder though; what was that dream of his all about?

Subconsciously, though, he knew. He just didn't want to admit that fact to himself.

Several hours later...

"...and then the last guy makes his wish.
'aw, i'm lonely. i wish i had my friends back.' and poof, they were right back where they started." Sans ends his joke, as everyone in the diner bursts out laughing. One of the customers wraps an arm, er, feather around his shoulders.

"Hah! Wowza Sans, every joke ya tell's an absolute knockout! What's the secret to yer humor?" Asked the purple bird monster.

Sans turns his head. "huh? oh, there's no secret. i'm just naturally humerus, heh." They begin laughing again, obviously very easily swayed towards the giggles. Sans gulps down some more ketchup, chuckling a bit.

"Say Sans, aren't you supposed to be on human watch or... something?" The bird asks casually.

Sans shrugs. "i'm on break."

"But you've been here for over an hour."

"yep." Sans guzzles the rest of the ketchup, before placing the empty container into the nearest trash can. Rest in peace now, ketchup bottle. You had a good run. "welp, can't believe i let you guys pry me away from my work for so long." He pushed himself off the stool, and began to walk away.

"That's your excuse every time you're 'on break'." The bird retorts slyly.

Sans shrugs. "heh. ya caught me red-handed." He admitted, traces of ketchup soaking the palm of his hand.

"Bye'a, Sanzy!" Shouted out a swirly-eyed rabbit. Sans waved at them.

"I don't understand your jokes, and you don't move a lot so I can't see you very well, but you smell like dog treats so I like you." Exclaimed a dog in the back, eyes darting back and forth mid-sentence. "...and ketchup."

"thanks, doggo. see ya." Sans pushed the door open, and left the diner known aptly as Grillby's. And with that, he began his trudge back to his post.

He notes how, behind him, the "Librarby" has yet to fix their clearly misspelled name. Despite stating on several occasions how they 'hired a guy to get on it.' How the residents of Snowdin are putting presents under a tree because it had something to do with human tradition that he forgot about. How he saw his brother posing and having a good time with a few people near his house, which was new and a welcome surprise. How with each step, the snow dances around his slippers to accommodate for the new coating of pressure. As if he was finally able to take a breather from the stress he's unwillingly forced upon every waking day.

He supposed, he was simply at peace.

Of course, he knew it wasn't permanent, he wouldn't wear this smile as a mask if it was. He knew that sooner or later it would all, well, reset, in a sense. But at that moment, he didn't seem to care.

His brother noticed him strolling back and waved to get his attention. Sans glanced, and waved back.

Papyrus began pointing at the people he was talking to, putting on a huge smile with two thumbs up. Sans swore he saw literal sparkles in his brothers eyes at that very instance, though it could have just been his imagination.

'heh. good to see my bro finally made a few friends, he deserves it.' He thought to himself, giving Papyrus a thumbs up in return. He just wanted his bro to be happy.

Though, Sans didn't seem to recognize those monsters. Who were they? He assumed he couldn't recognize them because he was so far away, so he began to walk up to the group.

As he got closer, more and more details appeared before him. He... vaguely, remembered their figures, but they seemed to be... devoid of color. Simply... gray?

No, no it must be the lighting. Or they happen to be caught up in some fog that they're... clearly not in. Weird. He's getting some strange vibes.

And at that very moment, Sans' heart dropped.

With his back turned to face his brother, the gray figures knocked Papyrus out cold.

...

"papyrus!?!" Sans exclaimed in shock. But his brother made no attempt to respond. It had all happened in a instant, leaving Sans no room to process what had even happened. But time stood still for all else but him and those his eyes are locked on.

The gray figures immediately began carrying Papyrus into a blackened portal they'd apparently summoned, surrounded by green numbers consisting of 1's and 0's. Sans looked around him, noticing that everyone had somehow completely vanished. That's not what he was most concerned with though, unsurprisingly.

In a pure rush of adrenaline, Sans immediately bolts up to follow the gray culprits, fear in his eyes and panic presenting itself in his breath. Eyes the size of pinpricks, And completely incapable of making a single thought that didn't involve Papyrus in one manner or another.

It had all happened in the span of five seconds.

He'd been too late, though. As the figures had already taken his undeserving brother into the depths of darkness. But Sans refused to leave it at that.

Stopping on a dime, he jumped into the unknown to follow the figures into the dark rift that separated the boneheaded brothers, as he carries on.

"So anyway, the guy did a backflip, snapped the bad guys neck and saved the day!" Exclaimed the pink apparatus.

An orange furred pony stared in shock at her friend's tall tale. "W-Wow, Pinkie. That's... morbid. How'd ya even find out about that?" She asked.

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. "Whudduya mean, AJ? It was just the ending of a silly story with no prior context given so I could then transition into my more important dialogue significantly easier than simply stating it in an ordinary fashion!"

Applejack takes a step back, trying to process the information given. "Uh. Alright."

...

"...So are you gonna ask what I ha-"

"Nope." Applejack bluntly cuts her off. "Look Pinkie, I'd love'ta chat, I really would, but I've gotta head back to the farm. These'n here supplies are for granny, s'pose to make her 'skin smoother' or somethin'. Dunno why she suddenly cares about silly stuff like that, though. Plus, I still got me some chores to finish."

Pinkie whines. "Aww, but Applejack it's really important! Look! My knees are getting all pinchy! It means something totally scary and bad is gonna happen soon!"

Applejack rolls her eyes. "Probably just Rainbow poppin' outta some corner to spook ya, swear if she keeps pulling stunts like that time my heart'll give out one of these days."

"B-But it's-"

"Pinkie, please. I really gotta go. I don't wanna sound harsh, but I'm busy right now. Why not go tell the other girls 'bout your pinkie sense?" Applejack suggests.

Pinkie displays a slight twinge of dejection, but cheers back up immediately and nods. "Okiidokey lokey! Bye-bye AJ!"

Applejack tips her stetson hat, and heads back to her farm.

Pinkie then begins to mumble to herself. "Hmm... Fluttershy's? No, she's got that animal concert. Rainbow's said she's on cloud duty, and Rarity's got some big clothing project for some fancy pony... or something." Pinkie, hypocritically, doesn't really pay much attention to Rarity's long tangents. "Aww, man! Why do all my friends have to be so busy during a super duper big emergency like this?"

Pondering, Pinkie's eyes then light up as bright as two lightbulbs.

"Wait, I know!"

Knock, knock

"Twilight! It's your best buddy Pinkie! Are ya busy?"

She knocks again.

Knock, knock

"I got some uber duber important bad news and everypony else is doing something!"

...

"Hello?" She calls out, hoping for some sort of response. Any response, really.

...

... Once more, nothing but silence.

Pinkie frowns. "That's weird. Not even Spike's answering. Well, it's sure handy that I can just enter without any regards to legality due to it being a public library!" She cheerily exclaims, opening the door with a grin plastered on her face.

With the door being fully opened, Pinkie takes a look at her surroundings. Nopony in sight, books scattered about disorderly, and a general mess of a room is what unfolded before Pinkie's eyes. Completely out of character for Twilight. Well, unless she went through another crazy episode. Walking through, Pinkie takes note of her surroundings. If she didn't know any better, she'd have assumed there was some sort of struggle.

Just then, scattering could be heard from above. The pitter patter of tiny hooves.

No, no not hooves. The sound isn't in the pattern that four limbs make. Claws? Talons? Feet?

Pinkie's head raises. "Oh, it's Spike! Should'a guessed they'd be upstairs, silly Pinkie!" She begins trotting up the stairs. The footsteps stop on a dime.

Pinkie takes one step forward. As do the footsteps above.

She takes another, and the other repeats once more. Is Spike trying to follow her movement?

Oh, it's a game! Match the other ponies hoofsteps! Well, he can't match her if she goes super fast!

Pinkie rushes up the stairs, giggling the whole way. The footsteps begin to retreat in a panicked frenzy. She shoves the door open triumphantly. "I won! Haha-"

Her gloating is cut off by a bloodcurdling scream. "Stay back! Don't hurt me, please!" Spike yells in fear, curling up in a corner of the room with his eyes closed and shaking. Tears stream down his eyes.

Pinkie's eyes widen. Hurt him? Why would she do that? And why is he crying? Did she do something wrong?

"S-Spike? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Spike's body halts, positioning his gaze towards the figure in question, recognizing the voice. "P-Pinkie?"

Pinkie immediately runs up to him, hugging him in a tender embrace. He returns it, and begins crying once more. "I-I was so scared, I didn't know what t-to do... I... I-"

Pinkie holds him tighter, running her hoof down his back. "Shh. It's alright, Pinkie's here for you." Did her running frighten him? She didn't mean to make him scared. She thought they were playing a game.

The two held each other for what felt like a near inconceivable amount of time. Pinkie trying her best to comfort the cowering baby dragon.

She doesn't know what happened, but she wasn't gonna let somepony suffer alone. Spike grips her shoulders, opening his eyes and looking at Pinkie. "Th-Those things, they took Twilight! I didn't... I didn't know what to do! I couldn't help her!"

Pinkies eyes shrink. "What?" Pinkie shakes her head. Her hair flattens ever so slightly, taking on a more uncharacteristically grimacing expression. "Spike, what happened?"

Pinkie motions for Spike to sit down on the bed, and he does. She hands him a handkerchief that appeared from nowhere. He wipes his eyes, and blows his nose. "Thanks..." He replies to the gesture gratefully. Pinkie smiles, patiently waiting for his response.

He sniffles, shaking his head to snap himself out of his stupor. "About 10 minutes ago, this... freaky portal thing just appears in front of us, and it didn't look like any sort of magic I'd ever seen before in my life. It was all black, with these green numbers disappearing and reappearing." Spike cuts off. He starts shaking again.

"It... it all happened so fast, it's a blur. Twilight told me to run upstairs, but I- I didn't want to leave her behind. I wasn't gonna just let her fight some evil monsters all on her own. So... s-she used her magic to send me upstairs." He grits his teeth. "All I saw were these gray... monsters coming out of that portal, and then... a-and then..." He starts rubbing his eyes, fighting back a barrage of more tears.

"I... I couldn't save her. Those things took her, and all I did was cower like a baby up here." He grips his temples tightly.

Pinkie nods, placing a hoof on Spike once more. He looks up at her. "You shouldn't blame yourself, it's not your responsibility to bare such a burden. She chose to save you, and there's nothing you could do to change her mind. Do you know why? Because she cares about you, Spike. More so than herself at times."

"B-But... I just wish I could have done more... I'm a... I'm a coward!" He suddenly exclaims.

Pinkie shakes her head. "Coward? Why? Because you're afraid?" She states bluntly. Spike nods. "Here's the thing when it comes to a coward. A coward does things only when they're absolutely sure they'll win. Picking on ponies who are weaker like a total meanie. Exploiting their every insecurity to make up for their own. Do you know when they act? When they don't feel fear." She smiles.

"But, all the ponies in my comics... they... they're fearless. They use that lack of fear to take out the bad guy, no problem." He rebuttals.

Pinkie shakes her head. "They're not real, Spike. And if they were? I doubt they'd be fearless. Courage comes from acting despite your fears. Beyond those feelings pushing you down. Fear tells us when there's dangers, it shows us that there are stakes to every action. And you showed courage, Spike. You pushed past those fears to try and defend Twilight, despite knowing the stakes being your very life. You didn't choose to run up here and cower, you wouldn't leave her behind willingly. You know why? Because you're amazing, Spike. And don't let anypony tell you otherwise. Not even yourself." Pinkie smiles once more, holding Spike in a tender embrace once more.

Spike sniffles, a small smile forming on the corners of his mouth. He dries his last tear. "...Thanks, Pinkie."

"No problem, Spike."

After holding each other for a little while longer, the two let go.

"Hey, Pinkie?" Spike begins.

"Yeppers?"

"Don't tell anypony about this, please. It was, uh, totally unmanly of me."

She giggles. "Sure, Spike. Now, let's go find those meanies who took Twilight, bring her back, and throw her the superest duperest 'Welcome back to Ponyville after being foalnapped by mysterious forces' party ever!" She exclaims, returning to her usual bubbly self and bouncing up and down.

"Yeah!" Spike agrees, jumping up as well. He pauses shortly after, though. "Wait, how?"

Pinkie smiles. "Oh, I have a few ideas."

"Ugh... oh, my head..." Groaned a purple figure, running a hoof through her mane. "What... the hay happened?" Incapable of opening her eyes due to unbearable stress making such a simple task impossible, she instead opted towards feeling her way around the area.

Attempting to get up, her forelegs begin to wobble, as she collapses back down to the very same position she found herself in previously. She groans again.

"That... didn't help." Just then, she heard the a noise.

"Hello?" She yelled out into the darkness. "Is anypony there?"

...

"Can anypony help me? Please? I'm... I'm lost..."

...

But nobody came.

Realizing she may just be alone after all, and with nothing but a deafening silence to keep her company Twilight decides her best course of action would be to wait it out until she can get her strength back.

Then, a whirring sound envelopes her ears. Like nails on a chalkboard met a manticore roar, settled down, and had a terrifying noise baby.

Then.

⚐☟📬 ✡⚐🕆🕯☼☜ ✌🕈✌😐☜📬 ☝⚐⚐👎📬 ☹☜❄ 🕆💧 👍⚐💣💣☜☠👍☜ ❄☟☜ ☜✠🏱☜☼✋💣☜☠❄📬

Author's Note

Hey everyone, thanks for reading my story t'ill the end. I mean, unless you scrolled all the way down here. For some reason.

Undertale's been through a bit of a resurgence. From the release of Deltarune, to Sans becoming a meme back in like... October of 2018, and now we've got Sans and MEGALOVANIA in Smash Bros. It's been a crazy ride for the little indie game, and I though I'd give a crack at the story that a lot of people tried back in it's hay-day of 2015 but... well, quit. For reasons unbeknownst to me personally.

Anyway, I'm very much so open to criticism. I'm well aware that having Sans and Papyrus speaking in their respective fonts of all lowercase and all caps can be an eyesore to read for some people, so if enough people find it distracting I don't mind changing it. Beyond that, I'm curious to see what you thought of this first chapter. Let me know down below.

Thanks again.