Ask for a sequel, I double dare you!
Author's Note
So I personally imagined the ghost’s voice to be that of the Red vs Blue character named Church. But when he first came back as a ghost and was doing that cliched wavering ghostly voice. If you don’t know what a Red vs Blue is then you can watch it all on various streaming websites instead of reading my silly story.
Also if you can think of a better match for the voice of the ghost in my fic then please let me know.
Ask for a sequel, I double dare you!
“Twiliiiiiight Twili—“
“Celestia’s shit! You’re the ghost of the Golden Oaks Library.”
“I am the ghost of—” the tree ghost paused, then inquired in its slow but powerful voice, “How do you know the nature of my being?”
“Well you’re translucent, hovering, and look just like you always did before you got killed and my friends hung your roots up in my bigger tree house.”
“Oh twilight, you were always so perceptive.”
“And you always stored such great books.”
Twilight held the gaze of the tree as best she could considering that it had no eyes. Which kinda ruined the moment as Twilight would occasionally shift her eyes to a different part of her old home floating before her.
“Twilight, is there a problem?”
“Hey! We were making really good silent eye contact there,” Twilight said, slightly hurt.
“Well you were looking all over the place, am I bothering you?” The tree responded, slightly more than slightly hurt.
“Okay, it’s just that most of my friends have eyes and, well, you’re kinda lacking in that department.”
“Oh,” The tree said, far far more that slightly more than slightly hurt.
“It’s fine we’ll just… Okay, well seeing as eyes are the windows to the soul; why don’t you just turn so I can see one of your windows?”
The tree obliged but in an undefined amount of hurt manner so that Twilight was looking the ghostly representation of a window. One that had been placed lovingly in a hole that had been made from violently tearing a chunk of timber out many years ago.
“Wow did I really leave that window in such a poor condition? Turn again so I can see another,” Twilight regally demanded.
Again the apparition that had tranced death let itself get bossed around by the little pony.
“Wait that’s even worse than the last one are you messing with me?”
“Clearly you’re the messy one Twilight if you would leave your home like this.”
“Oh har dee har. I’ll have you know I kept you in great condition. It must be your time spent in the spirit world that has corrupted you. Hey you wouldn’t happen to know the spirits of some cleaning products it’s actually really distracting looking at your hideous windows.”
While the ghost was trying to figure out if it’s former occupant was being stupid or merely pretending to be stupid, Twilight had another idea.
“Hey do you hang out with Bloomberg?”
“Bloomberg is alive and well, thus not among the trees of the spirit world.”
“Really? Because I kinda just forgot about it the moment the Buffalo-Appleloosan battle started and I just assumed that everypony else did too.”
“You don’t seem relieved now that you know Bloomberg is safe.”
“Ah, a dead tree or a hundred isn’t that big a deal. Why if there were no dead trees then there would be nothing to make books out of. And I’m sure I don’t have to tell a library like you the importance of books.”
“And I’m sure I don’t have to tell an alicorn like you the importance of friends.”
“Talking about friends,” Twilight said, missing the point spectacularly, “I made a book with my friends. And it turned out that mass producing it was the worst thing in the history of everything ever.”
“I suppose that was an adventure that started in your castle.”
“You mean the better than you ever were sparkly spacious magical new treehouse castle of harmony/friendship home of mine now available at all good retailers and if you buy it second hoof on eBay you have not soul?”
“I feel like every time I bring something up you just change the subject,” the tree lamented.
“Well in my defence you haven’t even told me why you’re essence has been gathered here today. Oh, let me guess there was a half price sale on all clothes at the soup store you wanted to tell me about.”
The tree then made Steve Rogers mad by not getting that reference. But responded nonetheless to the first part of twilight’s speech, “I am here with a terrible warning.”
“It can’t be that terrible if you waited this long to start talking about it.”
“It’s worse than you could possible imagine, your current home is doomed!”
“Okay just so that we are clear about this, the home you’re referring to is the, better than you ever were sparkly spacious magical new treehouse castle of harmony/friendship home of mine now available at all good retailers and if you buy it second hoof on eBay you have not soul. Right?”
“Right.”
“Well how do I save it.”
“You cannot it’s doomed so very terribly doomed.”
“Oh please, equestria has be ‘doomed’ half a dozen times in my lifetime and it’s always pulled through. What makes my domicile’s destiny of demise so definite?”
“I would tell you but the details might be too graphic for you.”
“Hey my life’s not all sunshine and rainbows you know. This one time my house blew up, leaving me homeless for abound half an hour.”
“Well if you’re sure...”
“I’m so proton!”
“Um...”
“Positive”
“Oh, well it all started on a Tuesday.”
Twilight shuddered as she whispered, “I don’t think I like this story.”
But phantom trees are not known for their excellent hearing so it continued unaware of twilight’s distress. “The sun was setting.”
Twilight had to hold back a gag at the disgusting picture being painted in her mind.
“And a unicorn was performing manual labour.”
Truly it couldn’t get any more horrid, Twilight thought. Hoping against hope that that was the worst of it.
“I forgot to mention that the unicorn had lost her cat, that’s an important detail. Sorry.”
A story told out of order? Truly this was the alicorn’s greatest trial yet!
“So the unicorn was fixing missing cat posters to any structure she could find, when she saw your castle.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Was all Twilight could think in this dire situation.
“So she nailed a copy of her missing cat poster to the castle’s western side.”
That was her favourite side. What cruel hell was this?
“But the nails were made of iron!”
Twilight waited paralysed with terror for more as the ghost simply waited for Twilight to react to the devastating end to the story. Time passed by. More time passed by. Time came back to check that everything was alright, but something was clearly amiss.
“WHAT!!!” Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs. “THAT’S IT‽”
The golden oaks ghost was taken aback by this, so it literally moved backward to properly show it’s own taken abackness. “Um, what do you mean?”
“Do you really believe the dated urban myth that an iron nail can kill a tree?”
“Oh, it wasn’t just one iron nail it was seven.”
Twilight didn’t look impressed but still let the tree continue.
“Um, in the formation of the letter ‘I’.”
That seemed to bring back Twilight’s rage for the briefest of moments but then she chilled the fuck out. Unfortunately something stranger than old home new home doom conversations happened as the ghost started melting. Can ghosts melt? She shrugged. Then realised her hoof was melting too. Oh good shit in a shit bowl it was arMELTgeddon!
The lavender alicorn looked around in horror at the lack of surroundings, where was she? Was the tree ghost and herself the only ones left? What was happening?
Twilight woke up to the sound of Rainbow Dash’s unrestrained laughter. She was not best pleased with her merry morning marefriend. “You know,” she said, doing her best to keep her voice level, “when you said you wanted to start sharing a bed I thought you had lewder motivations than this.”
“But Twiliiiiight, you’re so impressionable in your dreams. J-Just lying there talking to your old house.” Rainbow stated to giggle much more quietly than before.
Twilight respected the conscious effort on Rainbow’s behalf to quiet her laughter. “Well you did a good job impersonating the golden oaks.”
Rainbow tilted her head slightly, wanting to see where this was going.
“Really, you sounded just like the magical taking tree that I would often converse with.”
A look of worry crossed Dash’s face. “Um, Twi?”
“I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you. You remind me of her. My first true love.”
The pegasus’ jaw dropped.
“Gotcha!”
Realising what her marefriend had done Rainbow Dash was so proud and impressed that she pulled her into a tight hug as she closed her eyes to kiss the pony she loved. It was strange however that her marefriend‘s lips tased of cloud. It got stranger still when everything went quiet, she couldn’t even open her eyes to check her surroundings. What was happening? Wait, don’t let this be a dream, I don’t want to wake up all alone in the world.
A blue pegasus awoke on her cloud bed all alone in the world. “Celestia’s shit,” she said to herself, because there was no one there to listen to her woes.
