Author's Note

If anyone is curious, I don’t mind if you’d like to do something like this premise. By all means, go for it.

And again, feel free to throw suggestions at me.

A Hatchling Goes to Market: “I just want to go home...”

As Discord continued his private time with Fluttershy, Spike was heading straight back to the castle, where he could hopefully lose himself in a comic book (no, not like that time with the Mane-iac) , or a good bath, or even one of Twilight's chores...anything to displace the image he'd just seen as it was now making itself as prominent as possible in his mind. (Perhaps Twilight knew a forgetting spell? No, then he'd have to tell her why he needed it...)

As Spike made his way through Ponyville, trying to get the image of Discord wearing a diaper out of his head, he failed to notice that the ponies around him had stopped their own conversations, sales and anything else they were doing, and were looking at him in a mix of confusion and concern. He hasn’t gotten this many odd looks since he first came to town all those years ago.

If Spike had known what they were seeing, he would have immediately run back to Fluttershy’s and risk Discord’s anger again to get him to undo it.

No matter what Spike thought of, that image found its way back into his head. He tried to imagine himself back in that comic, but Discord was there as his sidekick, dressed how he was earlier, with a blue baby blanket as a cape. He then tried to think of the time he watched the Cake Twins, suddenly Discord was in a highchair, asking him for a bottle exactly like he did when Spike came in. He even tried to think of what would happen next week when he would help Rarity at the Boutique. Discord came in through the door in full baby clothes asking a new outfit and a diaper change.

After a few minutes of this, Spike snapped out of his stupor, and realized he had walked the opposite direction, and was in the middle of the marketplace.

“Huh, I guess that must’ve did more than I thought, I’m definitely gonna ask Twilight about a spell.” Spike said, shaking his head.

Turning around, he continued. “Hopefully she doesn’t ask too about much why I-“ He stopped as he finally noticed the ponies around him, giving him concerned looks and whispering.

He was used to ponies giving him weird looks in new places, but here in Ponyville? He’d known most of these ponies for years now, why were they looking at him like this?

He looked all over, there were ponies all around giving him that same concerned look. What they were all seeing was a small, scared hatchling waddling around, looking lost and on the verge of tears, in clothes that were way too big for the little guy.

After a few seconds, Spike felt a hoof tapping him on his shoulder.

“Spike?”

Spike jumped slightly in place at the touch, before turning around and sighing. It was a familiar grey pegasus, with a yellow mane, her most distinctive feature being her eyes, which both still managed to give the dragon a concerned look.

“Oh, hi Derpy. You scared me. You know why everyone is looking at me like that?”

Derpy hovered in front of him, looking into his eyes. “Spike, why are you so far from home?”

Spike blinked, looking over his shoulder, seeing the castle in the distance, behind a familiar bakery.

“Uh...what do you mean? I’m not that far away, sure I’m not a pegasus, but I could get over there no problem if needed.”

As Spike finished his sentence, he gave her a reassuring grin. Normally, this would be the end of the conversation and they’d go on their business. Unfortunately, Derpy was now focusing on something else. Or rather, that what appeared to her as a hatchling, slightly smaller than he was when he first came to Ponyville, was lacking something very important, and was wearing something he shouldn’t.

What she said next was the last thing he would have ever expected.

“Spike...where’s your diaper?”

Immediately, the image of Discord’s padded rear popped into his head, appearing to be shaking back and forth. Spike shook his head, and pinched himself. Was that image starting to drive him mad?!

He looked her in the eyes, there was no way he heard her say that.

“What did you say, Derpy?!”

The pegasus returned the look.

“Where’s your diaper? Did you lose it? And why are you wearing those?”

Spike shook his head, as he began to back up.

Spike was now very confused - it had been Discord in the diaper (and bib, and bonnet, and booties...and pacifier) and from the draconequus’ reaction earlier, the dragon was the only other creature that knew about their secret. He took a breath and shook his head. It was Derpy - she could be a bit confused about things sometimes. Best to take it slow, and clarify with her.

“Derpy, what are you talking about? I haven’t worn a diaper since I was three.”

Derpy looked at him, now shaking her head. Her new memories told her that he hatched not long ago.

Hovering in front of him, she gently grabbed a claw, and started pulling him to the familiar gingerbread house with surprising ease. She must have been stronger than he thought. Looking him in the eyes, she said in the calmest tone possible.

“Let’s get you to the Cakes, they can watch you while I go get your mommy.”

Spike’s eyes widened in disbelief.

MOMMY?!”

Derpy looked at him, instead of an indignant and embarrassed teenager, she saw a baby dragon who looked much happier at the mention of his mother.

“Yeah, Spike. Your mommy, Princess Twilight, she’s probably worried about you.”

Spike froze in place, what she said registering to him.

"Twilight's my...mommy?" echoed Spike in confusion. He supposed that it could kind of be seen that way... but that didn't explain any of the other odd behavior that she or the other ponies were showing.

As Spike stood in place, Derpy released his claw and flew behind him, gently nudging the dragon towards the bakery.

“Come on little guy, we’ll get you a new diaper and then head home.”

Those words helped Spike snap out of it, and he tried to break away from her, attempting to head in the direction of the castle.

“Let’s skip to the last one, please?”

Derpy flew in front of him again, placing a hoof on his shoulder.

“Spikey, you know you can’t waddle around without protection, you’ll make puddles.”

Spike's jaw dropped - had Derpy hit her head on something again? Though, trying to fight her and get away might only end up hurting her - his best bet was getting some other pony to distract her. And he supposed Sugarcube Corner was as good a place as any for that...

Derpy held out a hoof again, giving Spike a motherly look.

“Come on, Spike. I’ll buy you a cupcake if you behave.”

Looking between the castle in the distance, Derpy and the gingerbread house, Spike sighed, grabbed her hoof and turned resignedly back towards the bakery, following her inside. Hopefully the Cakes could occupy her attention long enough for him to escape...heck, he'd even take Pinkie Pie, who would for once not be the craziest pony in the room.

As they entered the Bakery, he saw that they had a full house. Every table was packed, Mrs. Cake was at the counter, and he could see Mr. Cake in the kitchen, and judging from the excited voice in there, it was safe to assume Pinkie was helping him. Out the corner of his eye, he could see the Cake Twins in a playpen in front of the giant front window.

Derpy, still holding onto his claw, brought Spike up to the counter with her, and rung the bell, getting the attention of Mrs. Cake, as well as a few customers that were close by.

Upon seeing the two, Mrs. Cake beamed. “Why, hello there Derpy.” To Spike’s surprise, she reached up and pet him on the top of his head. “And hello to you too, Spike. What are you two doing here together?”

“Mrs. Cake, Spike was wandering around the market without a diaper on, I think he got lost.”

Spike blushed, giving the Cake a sheepish grin and a wave, trying not to look at anypony else.

Mrs. Cake looked over the countertop, and gasped. “Oh, my! poor dear, I know just who to get. Pinkie!” She turned and called the name of one of Spike’s friends.

Spike could have started running as Derpy released his claw when Mrs. Cake called out to the pink mare, but he chose to wait for a moment rather than running. Surely Pinkie would be able to distract Derpy - maybe get the pegasus to the hospital like she probably needed.

Pinkie practically bounced out of the kitchen, appearing in front of them right next to Spike.
“What is it, Mrs. Cake? Are those sweets I ordered here?” Pinkie, energetic as ever, didn’t notice Derpy or Spike at first.

“Pinkie, dear. I’m a little busy with the customers, could you help us please? Mrs. Cake pointed at the pair, though Spike failed to notice she was specifically pointing at his waist.

Pinkie turned her head to them, and gave a grin, her eyes sparkled upon seeing her favorite baby dragon again. She turned back to the matriarch of the family, giving her a salute. “Okie Dokie Lokie, Mrs. Cake!”

Spike let out a breath in relief, thinking his ordeal was over, and turned to leave, when suddenly Pinkie grabbed his claw, and began to lead him upstairs. “Come on, Spike! I got a surprise for you!”

Blinking, Spike quickly tugged his claw free. "Pinkie, I don't have time for surprises!

Pinkie tilted her head. “What do you mean? You love my surprises! Are you feeling okay?”

Spike sighed, and explained. “It's not you - I've just had a long day, and I think Derpy's gone kind of nuts - it's like she thinks I'm a little foal or something."

Pinkie blinked, looking at Derpy, who was ordering the cupcake she mentioned earlier, as well as some muffins, before looking back at Spike, before laughing, which Spike joined in after a moment, though his was more nervous, as he now believed that he was in the clear, and Derpy would get the help she needed.

“Well DUH, you aren’t a foal!”

Spike placed a claw on his head and closed his eyes.

“Yeah, you know that and I know that, but she-"

“You’re a hatchling, silly!”

Spike’s eyes snapped open.

“W-What?! Pinkie, you can’t be serious! Do you think I need diapers too?!”

Instead of looking surprised, or any of the other reactions that Spike was expecting, Pinkie pouted, looking at the gray pegasus in question. “Derpy! Did you spoil my surprise?”

The pegasus looked over, a muffin in hoof. “Oh! Sorry, Pinkie! I didn’t know you had a surprise planned.”

“Just go get Twilight, Derpy. We’ll watch Spike for you.” Mrs. Cake said, handing Derpy a bag, which the mare took, holding it in her mouth as she saluted, before leaving the bakery and heading in the direction of the castle.

Now Spike was just completely confused. Which, granted, was not uncommon when one spent time around Pinkie, Derpy or Discord, but that was why he just wanted to go home.

“Spike...” His attention was drawn to Mrs. Cake, who came out from behind the counter and, to Spike’s growing horror, gave him a motherly look, the same exact one Derpy was giving him earlier. “Please go upstairs with your Auntie Pinkie, your cupcake will be ready for you by the time your back.”

“B-But...I...they...I’m not a-.” Spike was at a complete loss for words. He didn’t even properly react at first when Pinkie took him by his claw, and led him upstairs.

Right into the Cake twins nursery.