The Road-Trip of Evil

by Jay David

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Queen Chrysalis, Other, Cozy Glow, Random, Tirek
Length: 1363

Chrysalis, Cozy and Tirek journey to Canterlot, though not in a way they would have wanted

Getting from a secret lair in the middle of nowhere all the way to the heart of Equestria is no easy task, but Chrysalis, Cozy and Tirek are determined to get there for the knowledge they so desperately need. But how to get there? Simple. They just get a cab.

Will contain some spoilers for "The Summer Sun Setback"

Published 2019-09-01 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-01 04:20:01 UTC

The Road-Trip of Evil

To the eyes of all of Equestria, the trio that now headed in the direction of their beloved capital were an utter nightmare. One, Tirek, was the devourer of magic, infamous for having scoured the land of the life-force of every single pony several years ago. Another, Chrysalis, the deposed Queen of the Changelings, who had been known far and wide as a mistress of deception. And finally, Cozy Glow, a traitor to ponykind and to the Princess of Friendship herself. Any one of them would have been enough to instil fear in the hearts of those who knew of them, but to see all three? That would have been a terror the likes of which nopony would ever want to encounter. And yet, in this present moment, they didn't exactly seem like the most menacing collection. Rather, they instead just looked bored. And it was hard to blame them. Sure, long journeys could often be tedious and dull, but this one was especially tiresome for them, as all three were crammed into the back seat of, of all things, a taxi car. These new inventions weren't really widespread in Equestria yet, as pony-drawn cabs were still preferred in many places, but they were still revolutionary. But it had to be said the driver wasn't exactly the most remarkable of stallions right now.

"I tell ya, this weather, am I right? They all say the same thing, that we'll get lots and lots o' sunshine. But do we get any? Noooooo Siree! Instead, rain! Rain and fog and Celestia knows what else! I tell ya, I remember the days back when I first started this here job..."

Now, it was no secret that the villainous trio had no love of ponykind as a whole, and having to endure long periods listening to one, and one without anything really intriguing to listen to, was no cake-walk. But, tolerate it they did, given the circumstances.

"Why exactly are we doing this?" Chrysalis asked.

Tirek sighed.

"Since our new 'leader' wasn't exactly kind enough to furnish his lair with a map of where it is in relation to the rest of the world, we're not exactly in a position to find Canterlot without help."

He narrowed his eyes to her.

"Besides, do you want to try and wade through swamps, bogs and who knows what else to get to that city?"

Chrysalis looked away, huffing indignantly to the answer she'd been given. Cozy, by contrast, seemed to be having much more of an enjoyable time here.

"Oh, it's not so bad! At least we're all together, right?"

Tirek and Chrysalis were well versed in having Cozy try to act friendly and make them get along, but whether it was the general tedium of the situation or simply because they were in a foul mood already, the two older villains looked to her with expected glares of annoyance, prompting the filly to change tactics.

"Alrighty then! How about a song? That always helps!"

She cleared her throat, then began to let out exactly that.

"A hundred bottles of cider on the wall, a hundred bottles of cider! Take one down, pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of cider on the wall!"

Instantly, Chrysalis' eyes squinted to her.

"One more verse out of you and I'm throwing you out!"

Cozy put on her most convincing pouty face.

"Hmph! You're no fun!"

Chrysalis chuckled.

"I, little one, am the most feared Changeling in all the world! I don't do fun!"

Cozy rolled her eyes.

"That much is obvious!"

It really did look like the two were going to come to blows over this, but while that would have been immensely entertaining to the likes of Tirek, he definitely had other priorities on his mind right now.

"Need I remind you both that we have bigger things to worry about? Like finding what we need about that accursed bell?!"

The two beside him put their current quarrel aside, at least for now, each staring out of their respective window.

"All I know is that Canterlot had better have what we need. I don't want this trip to have been for nothing!" Chrysalis grumbled.

"Oh, they'll have it. They have to," Cozy added.

Tirek looked from one, then the other.

"And if the city doesn't have what we need?" he asked.

They all looked to one another, which ended when Chrysalis sighed.

"I suppose we'll just have to figure out how to use it without help. It's the only choice we have."

Cozy smirked.

"Push comes to shove, we can always just break the thing. At least then we'll know Grogar won't use it against us."

Tirek cackled.

"Oh, I'd love to see the look on his face if he ever saw his precious bell in pieces!"

A smirk from Chrysalis.

"It'd be a rather brief moment of satisfaction, given what his reaction would be afterwards."

They all shared a laugh, and it was probably the only pleasant moment they'd had with one another all day. But the moment was also short-lived, as there was a sudden pot-hole the cab had to drive over, which jostled them back to their senses, as well as causing the driver to tip his hat to them.

"Sorry about that, folks. These here roads ain't what they used to be."

Chrysalis grumbled at him again.

"I swear, when we've brought Equestria to its knees, this one will be the first I come to."

She pondered that, then gave a quick shrug.

"After I get starlight of course."

Looking to the driver himself, Tirek scratched the back of his head.

"Um...excuse me? Driver? You do know who the three of us actually are, don't you?"

It was a question that caused his fellow evildoers to also look to the stallion, the latter of which just giving a shrug in response.

"Oh, sure. You're three of those baddies the Princess and her friends like to fight and stuff, right?"

The completely nonchalant way he'd said that caught his passengers off-guard, and after they'd glanced to each other, Chrysalis again pointed to the driver.

"And that doesn't, well...bother you?"

The stallion shrugged again.

"Meh, not really."

Even Cozy was getting confused at this point.

"Why not?"

Adjusting his rear-view mirror slightly, the stallion looked at the reflection of the three behind him, then turned his attention to the road before finally giving his answer.

"Simple...I just want my fare so I can get this day over and done with."

Given how jaded the three of them had felt at various points in their life, it was the one moment of empathy they were likely to feel for this guy. However, the curiosity on the faces of the three behind him turned to worry, as they cast nervous glances to each other, with one question above all looming large in their minds now.

"Um...one of you does have money on them, right?" Cozy asked.

After a quick moment of awaked silence, Tirek looked once more to the driver, clearing his throat in the same manner a small child might when they were about to tell their parents about something wrong they'd just done.

"Er...do you take IOU's?"

No sooner had he said that when the stallion slammed on the brakes, causing the cab to come to a grinding halt, after which he slowly looked over his shoulder with narrowed eyes.

"Get...out."

Whether it was his tone of voice or the fact that a conveniently-placed rumble of thunder from the cloudy skies above had accompanied his words, the three simply blinked slowly, before nervously making their way out of the cab as requested. The driver watched them go, and as soon as the last one was out, he slammed the door behind them, then put his hoof on the accelerator pedal, leaving them in his dust. After a long while, and knowing they'd have to travel the rest of the way on-foot, Tirek coughed.

"Okay...let's just agree never to tell anycreature that this is how we got to Canterlot."

Author's Note

I swear, every scene involving these three this season has been hilarious :pinkiehappy: