A Brony Raids Area 51

by Jest

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Anon
Length: 2097

A man raids area 51, it goes surprisingly well.

A man raids area 51, it goes surprisingly well.

Enjoy the shitpost.

Published 2019-07-16 21:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-16 21:00:01 UTC

For The Memes!

“I can't believe that worked.” Muttered an out of breath human. “The first wave of Kyles really did some damage.”

Placing a hand over his chest the man shook his head slowly, trying desperately to push what he had seen out of his head. “And then came the Karens, who would have imagined Facebook moms being so scary.”

After giving his head one final shake the man stood up and looked around for the first time, only now realizing he had no idea where he was. The raid had been successful so far, and the furries were keeping the guards occupied, leaving the man to run sprinting deeper into the facility. A chance encounter with a secret passageway had lead him down a long hall, and finally here, wherever here was.

“Man it's dark in here.” He muttered. “Thank god I brought my phone with me.”

Pulling out the object he flicked on the flashlight app and looked around once more, only to find that he was standing before an enormous vault like entrance. “Woah, this is exactly like fallout.” He whispered to himself, noticing that there was even a display built into the wall where the one from fallout usually was.

“Neat.” He remarked, before walking over to the screen.

Upon nearing his objective, it flickered for a second before revealing a number pad on it. “Aww dammit, a password.” He grumbled to himself.

“Think man, think. What password would you use if you were an area fifty one guard?”

After thinking it over for all of eleven seconds, his eyes lit up and his hand reached for the screen. His finger hovered over his choice, only for the man to stop and second guess himself before shaking his head. “Trust your gut dude, we got this.” He muttered, reaffirming his plan.

His finger extended and pressed the one key, then the one key, then the one key again. He kept doing this for fifteen more times, until the password section was completely filled by the number one. With a smirk on his face, he took a step back.

“Easy peasy.” He remarked with a smirk.

“Password is…. Correct!” A vaguely female voice announced.

“Boo yeah!” He shouted.

The vault door began to grind loudly, and then with a thump, started slowly pulling back and rolling off to the side. “This is just like fallout.” He pointed out again, half wondering if he was going to find a pip boy inside.

There was not a pipboy inside, rather a medium sized room, and a simple white door, like the kind you would expect to see in an office.

“Huh.” He muttered, before shrugging and walking inside.

Walking over to the door, the man couldn't help but wonder what kind of crazy thing was contained behind such a gigantic door. “Maybe it's cat girls.” He muttered, only to gasp. “But they are like super horny and just want to fuck everyone so they locked them up.”

With a giddy bounce in his step he jogged over to the door and threw it open, only to find himself in a long, perfectly white, hallway. “Lame.” He shouted, only to shrug. “Whatever, I’ve come this far.”

Walking deeper, the man noticed that in the distance was another white door, one that was identical to the last. “Bingo, let's get outta here.”

Sprinting up to the last door he threw it open and looked around, only for his eyes to nearly bug out of his skull. There in the center of the room was a large see through square box which contained six figures. Six very identifiable figures, ones that he knew from heart, and had masterbated to more times then he could count.

“Fuck yeah, those stupid chads thought it was going to be aliens, but I knew the real answer, I knew it was going to be ponies!” He yelled, only to cover his mouth when he realized they were asleep. “Woops.”

Walking over to the box, he noticed that there was another screen, only this one rose a few feet out of the ground directly in front of the box. With eyes wide, the human studied the six ponies, finding that they were all there, and looked to be intact.

They were sleeping in an adorable pony pile with Twilight Sparkle in the middle lying on her stomach, with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy cuddled up close to her on either side. Rainbow Dash lay sprawled on her back atop Fluttershy and Twilight while Rarity and Applejack had their limbs interlocked and were next to Pinkie Pie. “And my favorite ship was right too!” He whispered giddily.

“Now, what do I do?” Muttered the human, looking around.

After giving a half hearted shrug, he began to yell. “Wake up you cute ponies I’m busting you out of here!”

Rainbow Dash was the first to wake up and began to flap her tiny wings while her legs began to pump, the pegasus apparently not realizing she was upside down. “What, where who?” She shouted, her eyes looking around in a panicked state.

The rest woke up shortly there after, and after a brief commotion, Twilight stepped forward, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “Who are you? Your not agent coulson.”

“That I ain't.” The human declared proudly. “Cus I’m here to bust you girls outta this place.”

Rainbow Dash sneered at the man. “Psh, we’ve heard that one before. We ain't falling for your tricks!”

“Um, I think we should hear him out.” Fluttershy added.

“Yeah, my Pinkie sense says he's a new monkey. Hi new monkey!” Pinkie Pie declared, waving excitedly.

“Hi Pinkie Pie!” The man shouted back.

“Are you sure he's new Pinkie? Didn't you say that about the last one?” Rarity asked nervously, the unicorn sticking close to Applejack’s side.

“I think we should hear him out.” Applejack announced slowly. “He seems like the honest type.”

“Well I appreciate the vote of confidence A.J.” The man replied, bowing slightly.

“Wait, why are you here?” Twilight pressed. “Noone just breaks into area fifty one.”

“Pffft, there were like four hundred thousand of us, they couldn't stop us all.” The man replied dismissively.

“Ha, I told you girls that petition was a good idea!” Pinkie Pie shouted, grinning triumphantly.

Twilight groaned. “And to think I used all my computer time researching interdimensional travel when I could have just started a stupid petition.”

“Eh, it was better than my attempt.” Applejack replied with a shrug.

Both Fluttershy and Rarity nodded along with her. “It seems as though my attempts were useless as well.”

“I learned a lot about this planet’s animals.” Fluttershy muttered, rubbing her forehooves together.

“And I spent every hour watching pornography.” Rainbow Dash declared. “I knew we could do it. Go team!”

Twilight groaned. “If you really are here to help us, input the password and lift the anti magic field they placed us under, I think I can create a stable wormhole.”

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Applejack asked, while scratching her head.

“The last time you did that we ended up here.” Rainbow Dash declared angrily.

“Trust me girls. This time I’ve got it.” Twilight replied.

“I’ll help, but only if you take me with you.” The man announced.

“Why would you do that? Isn't your tribe here?” Fluttershy inquired.

The man shrugged. “We’ve drifted away over the years and can't connect anymore. Besides, you girls got real magic! Equestria could be my second chance at life!”

“But I didn't think humans could-” Rarity began, only for Twilight to hold her mouth shut with her hooves.

“Humans can travel wormholes, remember?” Twilight pressed, glaring into the other mare’s eyes.

“Err right darling, of course.” Rarity replied nervously.

“So that's a yes?” The man pressed.

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Sounds like it dude.”

“Boo yeah!” The man shouted, pumping a first in the air.

“You better hurry though, we probably won't have much time.” Pressed Rainbow Dash.

“Right.” The man declared, looking down at the screen. “Now what's the password?”

“You don't know?” Shouted Twilight Sparkle.

The man shrugged. “I’ve just bullshitted my way this far.”

The unicorn face hooved. “Stars above….”

“Wait, this can still work.” Reassured Rarity. “Agent coulson was a big football fan, maybe there's a clue in there somewhere.”

“Wait, i got this!” Yelled the human, who was a second from pressing a button before Twilight yelled.

“Stop!”

“If you get it wrong the whole place will fill with deadly gas!” Twilight yelled.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” Pinkie Pie murmured.

“Trust me Twilight. I got this.” The human declared. “We are like twenty minutes from my victory parade.”

“I think that's a tad presumptuous.” Rarity remarked, only to get a glare from Twilight.

“If you get us back you can have whatever you want, parades, floats, whatever.” Twilight pleaded.

The human gasped. “Does that mean you can turn me into a pony and we can go on a date.”

The unicorn winced. “Actually, I don't know about you girls but I wouldn't mind dying.”

Applejack punched her friend in the shoulder and shot her a glare. “Ixnay on the suicidenay.”

“What was that?” Asked the human. “I was busy getting ready to punch in the password.”

Twilight sighed. “Well it was nice knowing you girls.

“It's been fun.” Pinkie Pie replied.

“It's been exhausting.” Fluttershy added with a frown.

“Here it comes, freedom o'clock!” Shouted the human, who pressed the number six, followed by nine, then four, then two, then zero. “Hehehe, that's a sex number.”

“Were doomed.” Rarity muttered.

“Password is…. Accepted!” The female voice announced after a suitably tense pause.

“I told you I got this!” The human shouted.

Twilight slowly shook her head. “I never would have thought that would work.”

“So, about that date, I was thinking about we head to sugarcube corner, then maybe see the sights and go back to your place. What do you say?” Asked the human, who was shooting Twilight an obnoxious amount of eyebrow raises and finger guns.

“Actually I think I wouldn't mind dying too.” Fluttershy remarked.

“Please for the love of all that is holy, just press the button that releases our magic.” Twilight groaned.

“You got it sugar lips.” The human shot back, giving his future date an extra finger gun.

Looking down at the screen, the human noticed that none of the commands were labeled, and with a shrug, he pressed one at random. A second later and he could hear the most cliche powering down noise one could possibly have imagined.

“I am the greatest.” He declared with a smirk, walking up to the glass, and leaning on the container.

“You certainly are something.” Rainbow Dash murmured, only to receive a glare. “What? Even I’m not that bad.” After several more glares she frowned. “Yeah whatever, just do the magic thing already, I’m gonna miss the wonderbolts at this rate.”

“Heh, good old Rainbow Dash.” Exclaimed the human. “So predictable.”

The pony shot her tongue at the human and did her best to ignore him.

“Right, just give me a second here.” Muttered Twilight.

With horn aglow with magic, the unicorn began to cast her spell, and while that happened the human leaned his back against the glass. “You know I’ve always dreamed about this moment. Me saving you from something awesome, and looking like a badass the whole time, then we go back to Equestria, you make me an alicorn, and we have like fifty kids. Or is it foals?”

The six mares were thankful that his back was to them, as they were all restraining a collective gag. Thankfully that wasn't enough to make Twilight lose concentration, though it was close, as she nearly imagined herself engaging in coitus with the male, which was enough to almost make her dry heave.

“Then we would take over Equestria or something and we would rule over everypony.” The human sighed. “Sounds pretty sweet eh Twilight?” Asked the male, unaware of a very small, popping sound that had come from the container a second earlier.

After a few seconds, the human shrugged. “I’ll take your stunned into silence by me being able to read your mind.” He smirked. “Don't worry sugar lips, you’ll get used to it. After all we got a connection you and I, one that brought us together from across dimensions.”

He sighed dramatically. “It's so romantic, right Twilight?”

“Twilight?”

Author's Note

No usual spiel down here, just an apology for what you just read.
I'm sorry.