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Extract from the submission of evidence by Dr Smithson to the Gronski Inquiry Board into the losses sustained in the so-called Devastation of Chicago, recorded almost a month after the event on the 12th of August 2008.
Attendance: Michael Gronski (Chairman of Inquiry), Interrogators Makenzie and Brown, General William D. Smith (Army), General Luther Walters (Air Force), General Marcus McCaffrey (Marines), Admiral Mark I. Kyser (Navy)
Michael Gronski (chairman): What were the results of this analysis into the so-called Unicorns?
Dr Smithson: It wasn’t completed.
William D. Smith: What in the hells do you mean ‘it wasn’t completed’? What on God’s green Earth stopped you?
Dr Smithson: A combination of factors, actually. But most pertinent to the inquiry was our location.
William D. Smith: Go on.
Dr Smithson: We were based in Chicago at the time of the attack. It is possible we were the target of the attack.
(Murmurs, balanced in attacks on the doctor and support)
Gronski: What evidence do you have?
Dr Smithson: On the ponies, or on the possibility of us being the target for the attack?
Gronski: Either.
Dr Smithson: To the first, we have already submitted our pieces regarding the plain talking ponies, and the flying ones. Regarding a possibility of…Well, of magic...Well, I can’t really disagree that such a thing might be possible.
Marcus McCaffrey: (snorts) Surely you’re not expecting us to believe that this…whatever it is, is anything more than some sort of strange technology?
(shouting, most seeming to be in favour of McCaffrey)
Gronski: (speaking loudly) Order! Order! This man is here to give evidence, so let him give it. Dr Smithson, your opinion?
Dr Smithson: What you believe is immaterial. The fact is that all of the ponies proved very resilient, perhaps unnaturally so. They adapted quickly to poisons, and some appeared to have lived through exceptional amounts of physical trauma.
McCaffrey: What, like being tapped on the knee with a rubber mallet?
Dr Smithson: No, like having all their vital organs removed and weighed.
(low mutters)
Gronski: Was this…repeated?
Dr Smithson: No. So far as we know, it could be an isolated case. But that is far more evidence for magic than not.
Gronski: Hmmm. General, did any of the National Guard report anything like this?
William D. Smith: Not that I can remember off hand. But I wasn’t on the ground for that operation. Hargrave might have better knowledge of any cases.
Gronski: Very well. Thank you for your evidence, Dr Smithson. You are dismissed. Makenzie, call Colonel Hargrave.
Makenzie: Yes, chairman.
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++REPORT SECTION TITLE: ANALYSIS OF THE PONY THREAT++
++CLEARANCE LEVEL: MAGENTA++
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++THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: WE ARE THE LIGHT++
To consider how best to deal with the ponies, we must examine their structure. This information comes from the so-called 'Hitler Biology Labs', more properly known as Chicago AIF. Their representative, Dr Smithson, was the only survivor of the lab in the attack on Chicago. Ponies have four castes. The 'Earth Pony' caste is used for muscle and endurance. The 'Pegasus Pony' caste is used for flight and aerial support. The 'Unicorn Pony' caste is used for giving magical support, the equivalent of artillery, armoured, or heavy weapons as the need arises. It is these ponies, led by what survivors describe as a 'white flying unicorn' that led to the death of most of the civilians, this 'white flying unicorn' being a member of the last caste, deemed the 'superpony' caste.
The structure, gleaned mainly from subjects Aα1 and Aγ1 (see the attached pictures, figures 1 and 2. Aα1 is the orange/tan with a blonde mane, Aγ1 is the purple/mauve with a purple and pink mane. Note the second's added bodily feature, a horn. This is the sign that she is a member of the 'unicorn pony' caste), is as follows. The remaining members of the so-called superpony caste rule the entire nation, known as 'Equestria'. Under them are all the other ponies. The different castes are usually kept separate. The 'Pegasus' caste has an entire city composed solely of pegasus ponies, allegedly known as 'Cloudsdale', while the unicorns are primarily based in another city known as 'Canterlot'. There are other cities, but typically they have a supermajority of one caste, and a minority (at best) of the other castes.
This could prove extremely valuable for our efforts - they do not have an integrated society at such an early level. It is possible that these castes may be provoked to attack each other. This, however, is merely a possibility, and should only be considered a back-up plan. Otherwise, it would be best to rely on our own capabilities. The pony has but one strength - their unnatural toughness. They have been known to survive extensive damage that humans would cease to function at. Therefore, each attack must be direct and fundamental overkill, and leave no doubt as to the death of the being in question.
So, therefore, it is necessary that an understanding of pony vital organs is had. Note that many of their organs are 'vital', that is, they are required for a long life, but that only one organ is vital, in that if destroyed the pony will die. That organ is the brain. Via some unnatural feature, even the smallest bit of brain can sustain the pony. The head must be completely destroyed in order to kill the pony. Note that in figures 1 and 2, all organs except for the brain have been extracted; see figures 3 and 4 for a comparison of different organ sizes and other characteristics between the two castes. Note that the unicorn pony caste seems to have larger organs.*
*n.b., strictly speaking, this information has been deemed INACCURATE AT THIS TIME. The earth pony caste member's organs had been removed earlier, and they were only weighed and measured at the same time. They have gone through some deterioration.
The ponies do have names for each other, which seem to mimic a typical pattern of a single given name, usually relating via a roundabout way to their vocation. Twilight Sparkle, as Aγ1 named itself, was a specialised magician, the 'Twilight Sparkle' having something to do with their conception of magic. Aα1, known by its kind as Applejack, was a member of a group (possibly analogous to a guild?) known as 'The Apple Family', and took its name from that.
This gives us some assistance with knowing which prisoners are valuable or not, but again, this is not necessarily properly understood by us - the ponies cannot be trusted to give us information that we might be able to use.
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Extract from the submission of evidence by Colonel Hargrave to the Gronski Inquiry Board into the losses sustained in the so-called Devastation of Chicago, recorded almost a month after the event on the 12th of August 2008.
Attendance: Michael Gronski (Chairman of Inquiry), Interrogators Makenzie and Brown, General William D. Smith (Army), General Luther Walters (Air Force), General Marcus McCaffrey (Marines), Admiral Mark I. Kyser (Navy), Senators James Harris, Eliza Cowley, and Charlie Duke.
Gronski: And what did you do then?
Hargrave: With the things attacking and no plans or support, we had to pull back.
Gronski: Why? Were you finding it difficult to r-
Hargrave: (interrupting) Those things were damned-well wizards or something crazy like that! They had these force field things, and our bullets bounced off them! They were coming in too fast for us to be able to set traps for them in the retreat. We had no bloody idea what else to do!
Gronski: (using a soothing tone of voice) Yes, yes, we understand. We’re not criticising you, just trying to find out what happened. So, then, what did you do after making that tactical withdrawal?
Hargrave: (a hint of anger still in his voice) Well…Well, we made plans, didn’t we? Spread the engagement zone. Force them to split up their forces. Ambush them and hope their shields or whatever didn’t stop people. Snipers looking to strike when they were panicked or vulnerable.
Gronski: Did that work?
Hargrave: (shouting now) Of course it damn well worked, didn’t it! If it didn’t, we’d all be kowtowing to those things and eating whatever their pathetic excuse for food is!
Gronski: So why did you go back on the offensive? Why not hole up and defend?
Hargrave: (very angry now) You bloody civilian bastard. You think that just because you weren’t there that you could have done better than us, don’t you?
(some muttering to the tone of approval, most of it from the military members)
Hargrave: Well, I’ll tell you damned well why. Because those bastards were killing civilians just like yourself! Massacring everything that moved! We damned well did our bloody duty! If that’s a reason to find us guilty of whatever crime you want to pin on us, then go right ahead! But I did what was right!
Gronski: (again trying to calm things down) Yes, yes, we’re not trying to incriminate anyone. We’re just trying to discover all of what happened there. So they were killing civilians. Why do you think they were doing that?
Hargrave: I’ll tell you why they did that. It’s because those things want to wipe out humanity. And you can sit here, and go on about how ‘peace is possible’, but I tell you true, they want us all dead, and they won’t stop till it’s done. The only right choice is to kill them all before they kill us.
Gronski: Well. Thank you, Colonel Hargrave, for your evidence today.
Hargrave: Sure.
(Colonel Hargrave leaves at this point, and there is a widespread muttering about his submission)
Gronski: Order, order! This will not fall into disorder in the second day. As you know, two more are appearing before us today. Let’s get this done now.
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++LOADING REPORT SECTION A++
++REPORT SECTION TITLE: “AN INTRODUCTION TO THE BATTLE OF CHICAGO++
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++THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A MIND WITHOUT PURPOSE WILL WANDER IN DARK PLACES++
The year was 2008 when what is now called the Battle of Chicago occurred. Almost six thousand of the so-called ponies invaded the city of Chicago, catching the inhabitants by surprise. Magic blasts hit city buildings, other ponies kept the air and divebombed civilians, and still others marched through the city.
At this, the National Guard was called to action, and they led a valiant defence, most particularly under Sergeants Hector Johnson, James Smith, Bill Fletcher, and Jack Mann. The overall strategy was for a defensive line, to secure the city and repel the invaders. The ponies were, however, too much for the National Guardsmen to deal with at the time, so they were forced to pull back to consolidate ground, and left sections of the city unguarded.
This withdrawal left approximately one hundred thousand civilians at the mercy of the invaders, who, as is now deemed typical for their kind, had none to offer. Approximately forty thousand civilians are dead or missing as a result of this battle.
It was at this time that their leader, Colonel Hargrave, plotted a new plan of attack, changing from a static line of battle to fragmented squads and fire teams sent throughout the city to execute hit and run attacks on the enemy, as well as ambushes and sniper traps. This was as a result of an almost complete communication breakdown and the now impossibility of any support.
This plan proved successful, and the pony forces were eventually routed, with almost half of their forces killed or captured. It was at this stage, with their retreat, that the communications were restored, and the rest of the country and indeed the world learned of this horrific attack. The USA was placed into a state of national emergency, and martial law was declared. Whatever the invaders had planned, they had succeeded in dealing a large blow to the American psyche.
In the end, losses sustained were within acceptable levels. The battle was a victory.
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++REPORT SECTION TITLE: STRATEGIC CONSIDERATIONS WITH REGARD TO THE PONY THREAT++
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Therefore, the most proper counter to the magic-like abilities they possess is two-fold.
First, early detection and neutralisation of those with said abilities. Opening an engagement by taking these out not only prevent their abilities from being used, but also damages the morale of the survivors.
Second, engaging in close-quarters combat nullifies the use of many of their abilities, and catches them off-guard. Given these vulnerabilities, this Board of Inquiry strongly recommends an addition to SOP for dealing with this foe, such that all platoons would have a total of [REDACTED] specialists, to [REDACTED] so as to neutralise the enemy’s abilities.
Furthermore, this Board also strongly recommends the direct mobilisation of a specific force to deal with this foe. The force has several qualities that will be required.
First: They must be quick-witted and adaptable. Given the enemy’s numerous differences, being resistant to fluid change in the field is a death sentence in waiting.
Second: They must be able to forage for their supplies off the land. Given the enemy’s tactical and strategic capabilities, supplies may be delayed or not arrive at all in their territory – therefore they must be self-sufficient as much as possible.
Third: They must be capable of absorbing losses. The problem with supply lines only affects the chance of reinforcements more. Thus there must be enough in this force to absorb losses that are inevitable, as well as to enable the force to be tactically diverse.
Fourth: They must be able to deal damage to the ponies. A force such as this requires an expenditure that cannot be, in good conscience, spent without effectiveness in its aims.
This hypothetical force, hereafter referred to as [REDACTED], it is the Board’s recommendation, should be mobilised immediately. It should be international in nature if so required, so as to add different experience bases as well as a higher chance of success in acquiring more experienced troops for the mission.
This force, it is the Board’s belief, will be the difference between victory and defeat in a war that we cannot afford to lose.
The force should strike at vulnerable locations and force the enemy to defend multiple objectives, thus forcing a spread of their forces that will render defences meaningless. It will require multiple preliminary objectives to be met for success to be possible.
First, a weapon that will require limited or no external supplies must be devised. This weapon must be adaptable and lethal.
Second, the unit must have utter trust in and loyalty to each other member. We cannot afford to lose this war because of internal conflict.
Third, the unit must be able to build a base of operations inside the area to perform whatever non-combat operations might be required.
Fourth, we must prepare for an open war that will allow our men to be able to harry the enemy at home while we defeat the next wave of invaders, and launch our own invasion. This unit must be able to take out defences and prime the enemy nation to be conquered.
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