Dealing with The Eldritch For a Living

by arcanica_scripta

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Violence, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 3235

Arcanica had no idea that being a Herald to a race of Eldritch Deities would be so time consuming. Fortunately, she's got six best friends willing to help her out.

Arcanica, once in denial, has come to fully embrace her destiny as the Herald to the Outer Beings, with all the weirdness and annoyances that entails. Her best friends and fellow Elements have her back and are ready to help her at a moment's notice. But it's not all fun and games when dealing with the problems of Demon Gods.
The Prophecy is still in effect, and the Gods are watching Equestria more closely than ever before as forces both old and new stir. How will the Herald face these unknown struggles? Will her friends be able to retain their sanity? And just how is she supposed to juggle her two jobs with all this hero work?!

Published 2019-07-19 01:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-19 01:30:01 UTC

The Obligatory Lesson Zero Chapter

So, you want to hear a story, huh? One of demons, friendship, forbidden magic, and ancient prophecies? Well, I know a good one.

A tale of learning one’s place, and how to connect to those you love. One involving Gods so wicked and reviled, that their very name inspires fear, yet their indifference is the greatest of blessings.

Oh, and it involves ponies, I guess. A LOT, of ponies.

Following the return of Nightmare Moon and her purification to the little Princess of the Night, a Herald of the Outer Beings, a race of reviled demonic gods, began to awaken to her true potential. Her powers began to grow as she learned the truth of the world, and the horrible nightmares that surround it.

It wasn’t until the return of the Chaos Spirit Discord that this mare realized just how important a role she played. Like a predator in an ecosystem, her existence is inexplicably linked to the world’s protectors. And yet, she is not truly a guardian like you would think.

A prophecy. One spoken in a language forgotten by this world. It tells of an age of change the likes of which Equestria has never known. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll make for one interesting story, huh?

-A distant cave-

Hoofsteps echoed through the small cave, the small sound disturbing the heavy silence that had remained undisturbed for centuries. The owner, a mare with a black cloak pulled around herself, shivered as she continued her trek. “He had better be here,” she muttered. “This place terrifies me.” It was more than just the dark atmosphere. The cave reeked of dark, forbidden powers. The kind now even she wanted to deal with.

She jolted to a stop, realizing there was a steep drop just in front of her pink hooves. “Well great. What am I supposed to do now?!”

“Well I suppose shutting your mouth is an excellent start.” She screamed in terror before spinning around, being mindful of the ledge. The sudden guest blocked her way out with his mere presence. He gave her a toothy grin, his unnaturally white teeth contrasting the dark, cosmic black of his coat. “Hello there, little one.” His voice, despite its casual friendliness, was a deep baritone that shook her very bones.

“You- you came!”

“Of course I did, mortal. I wouldn’t waste my time communing with you if I didn’t at least make an appearance.” The stallion stalked closer, his large, oxen hooves not making a sound. His appearance was made stranger with the lack of a mane and a crisp, freshly ironed black suit. The red tie provided the only break of color on the stallion’s entire body. “Now then, I believe you required something of me.”

The mare shook herself before nodding. “Y-yes, my lord. I was hoping you could provide me with a spell to-”

“I know what manner of spell you seek, mortal.” His retort was a clap of thunder in the dark cave. “What I want to know is why you would seek me out for such a trivial piece of magic?”

She shook as his onyx eyes glared into her own teal. “I… I want a spell that can do more than any mere memory or mind altering spell. I want a spell that can be as permanent as I need it to be!” She froze, realizing she had spoken too harshly to the creature before a band of white stretched across his face.

“Well now, then I believe I have something that may do just what you want.” With no visible magic, a scroll was pulled from the completely flat breast pocket on his jacket. “This scroll contains the formula for a spell that will allow you to overwrite the very existence of its victims, and it’s all yours.”

She gasped in excitement at her fortune. She extended an eager pink foreleg towards the floating parchment before it was quickly withdrawn. “However, I am not about to lend you my aid for nothing.” His grin became more predatory than friendly once more. “I’d give you… two years.” Her eyes widened at the time given. “Prove your worthiness of this spell within those two years, and I shall extend a proper boon to you.”

The scroll floated closer once more before being grabbed by the mare’s teal aura. She pulled the scroll to her chest and clutched it with a trembling fetlock. “H-how do I prove I deserve this more than those two years?”

The stallion shrugged. “How should I know? You mortals don’t make sense to me. Enthrall a princess, raise some hell, I don’t care. But prove to me you’re worthy of being one of my worshippers.”

“W-wait… one of your what?” Before she could say more, she vanished from the cave without a trace. The stallion smiled before turning his head to the left. His expression was one of mirth as he stared at a point on the wall.

“Tell me, little Herald, how does it feel to know I’ve caught you spying on me?”

Arcanica screamed before jolting forwards, her breaths heavy and pained as her sclera turned white once more. “What… what the hell was that?!”

“Miss Hoofcraft?” She looked up at her assistant as she stood in the doorway. “Are… you alright?” her wings flexed nervously as they made eye contact.

The Herald nodded before standing up from where she had fallen. She had been doing inventory when her powers flared up without warning. The next thing she knew, she was watching a deal between a random pony and… something unnatural.

The white pegasus came closer out of concern. “Are you sure? Cuz if it’s something serious I-”

“I’m fine, Blossomforth.” She shook her head at her own snappy attitude. “It’s just something that happens. Nothing to wor-”

“Arcanica.”

The two shared a look before the unicorn let out a heavy sigh. “It’s really nothing to worry about, Blossomforth. This is just me having a magic-induced headache related to why I’m officially an Element of Harmony.”

“I know you don’t want others to worry, but I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” The white pegasus smiled to her employer/friend, who gave a grateful smile in return.

“Thanks, Blossomforth. That means a lot.” The two shared a hug before the door was slammed open. The unicorn kneaded her brow as she separated and walked past her assistant. “I swear. One of these days, somepony is going to break that door.” She looked up with a slightly forced smile. “Hello, welcome to- Twilight?”

“Hey there, Arcanica!” The purple unicorn had a frantic look in her eyes and had a couple hairs springing up here and there. “How’s your day been going? Any problems that need solving with the help of one of your best friends?!”

“Are you feeling alright, Sparkle?” She noticed the purple mare’s eye twitching ever so slightly. “You uh… sleeping alright?”

“I’m fine! Totally fine! But how about you?” She got in close to the Herald with her smile widening even more. “Any issues in friendship or stuff related to uh…” She nervously glanced at Blossomforth as she dusted off a bookshelf. “Them?”

“No, my friendship skills are still at peak performance, thanks to you girls,” she said slowly as she backed away from the twitching unicorn. “As for my otherworldly contractors, they haven’t informed me of anything of note that needs addressing at this point in time.” She rolled her eyes at the shushing motions Twilight began making. “Blossomforth has a loose understanding of what might pull me away from work now. No specifics, but enough to keep herself asleep.”

“Okay, your possible recklessness aside, you’re positive you don’t have any possible problems that you need help with?” She looked more afraid than before as she nervously pawed the ground. “Nothing even as minor as disputes over wages?”

“Twilight, what is this about?” The mare looked away and started trying to avoid answering. “Okay, suit yourself.” Her eyes and horn burst into shadows before she extended a shadowy tendril of a spell to her friend’s forehead. Twilight froze up as Arcanica looked over the thoughts hanging near the surface of her consciousness. Once she found what she wanted, she withdrew from her friend’s head.

“I thought I asked you to never do that.”

“And I thought you knew Tia well enough to not freak out like this.”

Twilight threw her forelegs up. “I told you to not call the Princess that! And she specifically said every week, Arcanica! EVERY! WEEK!” Arcanica blinked as the purple unicorn was now in her face with a manic look of terror.

Closing her eyes, she heaved a heavy sigh before tapping into her powers once more. “Okay, Twilight? You’re making a big deal over nothing.” She began walking her levitating friend towards the door as she continued. “Celestia is nowhere near as strict as you think she is and will understand if you explain everything to her.”

She placed Twilight back on her hooves and closed her mouth before releasing her. “Now go home and tell her your letter will be a bit late because it’s been quiet.” Her piece said, she closed the door on the shocked star student and walked back to her assistant. Arcanica sighed when she noticed the look Blossomforth was giving her. “What is it, Blossomforth?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you use your powers like that. The whole black eyes thing is just… freaky.” She shuddered as the author rolled her eyes.

“If you think I’m the freaky one, then pray you never see the ponies who came before me.” The pegasus chuckled at that before nervously gulping when she realized her boss wasn’t kidding.

Once Arcanica and Blossomforth had closed up for the day, the unicorn had retreated to her office. “Okay, time to see if Luna’s heard anything lately.” Grabbing a scroll and quill, she thought it over before quickly jotting down her letter.

Dear Princess Luna,

My apologies for the abruptness of my letter, but something has come up and I require assistance in determining the threat this event poses to Equestria as a whole.

This afternoon, as my assistant and I ran my bookstore, my powers unexpectantly flared up and I had a vision of a unicorn mare about my age making a deal with some manner of Eldritch being. From what I could glean in my vision, the mare requires a spell to achieve some manner of goal, though as to what I can’t even begin to fathom.

The being that greeted her, however, is one I’ve never seen before in any of the visions I’ve had to date or in the memories of the previous Heralds. The form it took was a stallion with no mane and a coat the color of the great cosmic void. He wore a suit of the same color with a dark red tie. But what caught my attention was that his hooves weren’t those of a pony. They looked more like the kind of hooves somepony would see on a buffalo, or an ox. I wasn’t able to see if he gave himself a Cutie Mark, but…

When the deal was done, he actually looked at me and spoke directly to me. That rules out it being some form of memory, so it had to have happened then. If you have any information regarding anything matching his avatar, it would be greatly appreciated. I know I’m also asking a lot, but has anypony been having dreams that could relate to this?

Until next we speak,

Arcanica, your friend.

She went to seal and send her letter before she noticed a scroll Spike had delivered the day before. “Oh yeah… that letter.” She unrolled the letter and grabbed her quill once more.

P.S.- Tell Tia I’m not giving her an autographed copy of any of my books or any preview scripts. I don’t let anypony see those, and I’m not bending to her, regardless of her being a princess.

Nodding, she sealed the letter before using the spell Celestia had taught her for sending letters to Luna. Her letter sent, she looked at her clock and pursed her lips. “That’s weird, Book is usually home by now. Where is that filly?”

She went down to the street level and saw her friends congregating by the fountain. “Oh, hey girls!” The Element of Trust ran over to the other five mares. “Have any of you seen Bookworm? I could have sworn she and the Crusaders would be coming over today.”

“Howdy, Arcanica,” replied Applejack with a tip of her hat. “Can’t say Ah have. RD and Ah were doin’ demo work on an old barn today.”

“And it was AWESOME!” boasted the pegasus in question. “I went and pulled a Rainboom on that sad shack! At least, until Twilight barged in.”

“Oh, you girls too? She came by my shop when I was trying to find my bedazzled ribbon for an ensemble I’ve been working on.” Rarity brushed her mane back as the others watched. “I’m not entirely sure why, but the poor dear was working herself into a tizzy when I found it myself.”

“Ok so she didn’t stop after she visited my store.” Arcanica rubbed just below her horn in annoyance. “She’s been freaking out about not having a letter to send to Celestia about learning something about friendship. So, she was running around looking for a problem to solve.”

“Oh my, poor Twilight.”

“So what if she doesn’t have a letter to send to the Princess?” asked Dash. “It’s just a dumb letter.”

“But maybe these letters are super duper important for her!” Pinkie got right in the blue mare’s face and pulled her to the ground. “Maybe it’s the only way she can connect with the Princess now that she lives here, and their lack of communication is driving her crazy!”

“Oh my…”

“No, it’s nowhere near as sentimental.” Getting confused stares, she tapped into the Void for a quick moment. “I took a peek to see what was bothering her.” She blinked the darkness away before continuing. “Apparently she’s never done anything late and is convinced Celestia will disown her for it.”

The five of them stared at her in shock before laughing at the statement. “Wow, that’s rich! For such an egghead she can be pretty stupid sometimes, huh?”

“Ah knew Twi could get hung up about little things, but this is a bit much for her.”

Rarity giggled into her hoof before putting on a more serious face. “While it is certainly commendable for her to worry about meeting deadlines, I can’t help but feel that this is somewhat… less important.”

“GIRLS!” The six mares turned and saw Spike running to them, his stubby legs pumping frantically. “Girls! Twilight, park… HELP!”

The six shared a look before nodding as one. “Come on, ya’ll! Let’s go help our friend!” The six followed Applejack’s lead as they ran across town to the park. Once they arrived, they noticed something unusual.

“Hey, does anypony else hear all that arguing?” The six looked around before Fluttershy pointed to a particular hill.

“I think it’s coming from that direction.” The group of six made their way to the crest of the hill, where they were treated to a large mob of ponies fighting over something they couldn’t see as Twilight paced back and forth in panic.

“What in tarnation-”

“DON’T LOOK!” Twilight quickly grabbed the farm pony and turned her head away. “If you look, you end up like them!”

“Okay, seriously Sparkle?! What in the name of the World Star did you do?!” The Herald’s question got a nervous look as Twilight gnawed at her lower lip.

“It- It’s okay, I’m certain I can still fix this!” The mare was cut off as a bright light flared overhead, temporarily blinding the seven ponies. When it dimmed, the crowd had ceased fighting and the light revealed a very familiar form.

“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” Celestia landed before the stunned seven mares. “You have a lot of explaining to do.” The mentioned unicorn nodded sadly before morosely walking up to her mentor.

“Wait a minute. Celestia, what’s going *POP* on?” The six stared at where the Princess had been standing just seconds ago. “Okay… this might be bad.”

“We gotta hurry! If we run now, we can help defend Twilight!” Dash pointed back towards Ponyville with a worried look. “Come on, everypony!”

“The poor dear, she must be terrified.” If they weren’t running, there was no doubt that Rarity would be chewing on her hooves.

“Poor Twilight, I had no idea…”

“We’ve gotta be missing something! There’s no way Celestia would punish Twilight for the letters like this! The mob yes, but not letters!” Arcanica was conflicted. On one hoof, she was positive there was nothing to worry about since this was Celestia they were talking about. But on the other hoof, she only ever saw her that mad whenever a Herald did something they probably shouldn’t have.

“Told you all.” The others rolled their eyes as Spike sent off the letter they had written together. “Tia isn’t the kind of pony you’d think she is.”

“Can we please not call the Princess that nickname?” begged Twilight. “I’m already on edge after the day I had. I don’t want to worry about you getting in trouble for it.”

Arcanica snorted as she sipped at the tea she was given. “I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again. With the number of embarrassing stories and facts I know about that mare, I’m certain I can get away with calling her Tia.”

“How embarrassing are we talking?”

“Rainbow Dash!”

“What?”

The author chuckled again. “Embarrassing enough that a lot of them are most likely considered either state secrets or forbidden knowledge. If you ever want to see her face turn bright red, let me know so I can get the right kind of cake.” They all shared looks of confusion as she turned her attention to the illusion concealed letter Celestia had ‘dropped’ as she left.

It’s amazing what ponies will do when they hear you see through all illusions. While the others were distracted by embarrassing Twilight, the red unicorn unrolled the hidden scroll and frowned at the message inside.

Fair Herald of the Outer Planes,

We are most pleased to hear from thou once again, though this topic is far from wondrous. To our regret, we have not encountered the dreams of anypony who may seek to subjugate the kingdom for their own ends, but the presence of a being not of this world explains much as to why this has come to pass.

As to the topic of the Being you described, we have no recollection of such a Being, loathe as we are to admit it. Our knowledge on such topics is, regrettably, quite minute when compared to the eons the Heralds have at their disposal. We suggest consulting thine predecessors directly for information regarding this Being, lest it have truly nefarious designs for Equestria.

The best of luck,

Princess Luna, Lady of the Night and Guardian of Dreams, as well as your friend

She sent the letter back to her home as she frowned. Huh. Well, guess it’s time to do some interviews.