A Trio of Terribly Untimely Teleportations

by AkwardPlatypus

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Other, Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 11572

Due to twilight opening a rift, three visitors, from three dimensions, visit Equestria.

Twilight has been practicing a new spell. It's for long-distance teleportations, and Twilight has been having a tough time getting it down. Later, when Rainbow Dash shows up, she attempts it, and things go horribly, horribly wrong.

From three very different worlds come three very different men. How will Twilight handle the situation? Will the outcome be good? Bad? Will there be explosions? We'll have to sit and wait to see.

~~~~~~~~

This is, quite possibly, the most un-serious thing I will ever write. I had the idea stuck in my head, and wanted to get it off of my shoulders. This is my first attempt at writing a pony fanfic. Criticism is wanted!

Again, don't take this seriously.

Published 2012-08-12 19:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-08 03:54:13 UTC

The Beginning of it All

A Trio of Terribly Untimely Teleportations
By AkwardPlatypus

It was a hot day in Ponyville; Celestia’s sun was beating down on the town, both the temperature and humidity high. Most were fatigued from the heat. …Except for one. The awesomest pony in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash. She was still out flying, and practicing. For what, exactly, she didn’t know. All she knew was that she was getting better.

After a long while of flying, she remembered something. Twilight had mentioned something about a new Daring Do book coming out. She thought she had better fly over and ask. She flew over and swooped down in front of Twilight’s door, knocking loudly. Moments later, the violet pony opens the door, head hanging low with sweat dripping off of her nose.

“…Oh, Rainbow!” She said, breathing a little heavier than usual. “What’re you doing here?”

“Ooooh, I heard you say something the other day about a Daring Do book?” She said, excited.

“…Oh… Yeah… That… I forgot to order that, Rainbow. Sorry. I was kinda… Kinda busy.”

“Ah, it’s alright, Twilight.” Rainbow Dash looked inside to see a whopping book on Twilight’s desk. It was big even for an egghead like her! “…Is, uh, that what you’re busy with?” She pointed a hoof over to the book.
Twilight look confused. It was a mix of the heat getting to her, and Rainbow actually being interested in something Twilight was doing. “…Uh, yeah, it is. It’s a book on teleportation. I’ve been trying to get the spells down, but, it’s been rather difficult. It’s harder than the spell I cast on Rarity that gave her wings.”

“What? But I see you teleport all the time! How can it be that hard?” Rainbow said, thinking Twilight was lying.

“This isn’t just your short teleport, Rainbow. This has been known to take ponies across the world. And according to some records, more.”

“…You saying it takes people to other worlds?! That’s awesome!”

“Not for the person going there! That only happens if there is some sort of error in the spell! Rainbow, what if I teleported you to a planet with no air?”

“…Uh, I’d die?”

“Exactly. I need to pinpoint this so I do it right!” Twilight snapped.

“…Okay, okay, I get it, Twilight. Why are you even reading about it, anyway?” Rainbow asked, very curious and interested at this point, regardless of how angry Twilight was at this point.

“Celestia wants me to. I don’t know why, exactly, but, I guess I’ll find out when I get there, right?” Twilight said, getting annoyed a bit. “…But, I’ll be sure to get that Daring Do book soon.”

“Thanks Twilight!” Rainbow yelled. Twilight trotted back inside. Rainbow was about ready to take off, when Twilight stopped.

“…Wait.” She said, turning around to Rainbow.

“…Yeah?”

“Come in for a minute, Rainbow. I think I just figured it out.”

“…Uhm, figured what out?”

“Something just snapped in my head. I think I finally got it.”

Rainbow looked nervous. Was it a teleportation for the unicorn that cast it, or someone else? Or both? “…W-Well, whadaya need me for?”

Twilight looked at her book real quickly, glancing over her shoulder at Rainbow. “Spectate. Make sure if something goes wrong, you do something. According to the book, it should look like I’m going into the ground. My guess is that it’s like the notes me and Celestia exchange, but I don’t know. We’ll find out, right?” Twilight had a nervous grin on her face.

“…Alright, Twilight.” Rainbow said, just about as nervous as Twilight was at this point.

“Here goes…” Twilight tilted her head forward, and her horn started to glow very, very brightly. Twilight was closing her eyes in concentration, but Rainbow had to shield her eyes to prevent being blinded. After a few moments, a burst of light went off in the room. From Twilight’s horn came a small cloud of magical dust, and it shot like a lightning bolt out the window and up to the sky. Rainbow Dash got a glance of this.

Dash looked. Twilight was still there. Twilight lifted her head and opened her eyes, to be left slightly shocked and confused as to how she was still in her library.

“…What? Aw, it must have been a dud.” Twilight pouted.

“Uh, Twilight, what was that purple-ish cloud of dust stuff that flew out your window?

“…A what?”

“A purple cloud of dust came out of your horn and flew out the window, and went straight—“

Dash was cut off by a loud sound coming from overhead. It resembled ripping.

“…This is bad.” They both said in unison.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, in the land of Team Fortress 2, the RED team was moving up. The Engineer had set up a teleporter for his teammates in the old resupply locker, there were two left. The Heavy and the Scout. They were both packing up. The Heavy was making sure Sasha was functioning properly, had enough ammo, has had enough hugs, etc., while the Scout was taking all of his Bonk! Atomic Punch out of his locker. He had two twelve packs. He had one in each hand, with his scattergun and pistol attached to his belt and his bat in a sling over his back.
The Scout stepped up to the teleporter, moving his legs a little to keep from stiffening and making sure the boxes for his Bonk! Atomic Punch didn’t rip. While he was waiting for the teleporter to recharge, he heard a familiar voice.

“If, anyohyewh, tink yer bedder den me, yer in fer anuddeh… Fink…” Said the completely smashed BLU Demoman outside of the RED resupply locker. The Demoman held up his frying pan menacingly, glaring at the scout with his one eye.

The Scout could have sworn he had two eyes he was glaring so hard. The Demoman charged, pan in hand, and ready to strike. “AAAAARAAAAAAGH!”

The Scout, being unable to use his arms, sort of cured up. “…Oh god, OH GOD, OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMY—“ He was cut off. He had stepped on the engineer’s now fully-charged teleporter.

About 50 meters away, the Engineer had concluded the Scout and Heavy were, in fact, taking the long way, and packed up his teleporter exit, at the exact same time Scout had entered, leaving him in some dimension inbetween…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At this time in the violent and diverse world known as Azeroth, the man known as Archmage Rhonin, leader of the Kirin Tor, had just been finishing up some business in Stormwind. Some negotiation talks and possible interactions in the future was all that was said. Regardless, the Archmage decided to get a drink at the nearby Blue Recluse, a tavern in the Mage District.

There, he had a very, very long conversation with two other magi he had brought with him for the meeting. Rhonin himself was drinking very, very heavily. He hadn’t done this in a while. His two friends, however, were sticking to pomegranate juice and apple cider, knowing that their leader would need some help getting back to Dalaran afterwards. However, the conversation Rhonin was having with a dwarf at the tavern was more than enough to make up for it.

“Oooh, ya shoulda seen th’ look on tha’ poor thin’s face! I think he wos cryin’ fer his mother at one point!” The dwarf let out a hardy laugh, after soon finishing up his third drink. He raised his right hand and snapped. A barmaid came and took his empty mug, and took it over to the bar for a refill.

“So what’d you do with him, dwarf?” Rhonin asked, curious as to what happened next.

“Oh, I beat th’ livin’ crap outta him! He walked away with a bloody twitch when I wos done!” The dwarf couldn’t breathe he was laughing so hard. Rhonin chuckled at the dwarf. Not because his story was funny, but because the way the dwarf laughed was comical.

Meanwhile, a man with a red, sleeveless vest, a fisherman’s hat, and some really, really worn boots walked into the bar. He smelled very, very strongly of piss, sweat, fish, and god knows what else. Rhonin wrinkled his nose, and stood up.

“That reminds me. We’ve had a few duelsh in the shewers of Dalaran get a little out-of-hand, as of rechent. I besht be off now.” Rhonin said, the alchohol kicking in now.
“Alright mate. See ya ‘round!”

And with that, one of Rhonin’s two friends made a portal to Dalaran. He watched as the archmage stepped through. When he was almost through, something flew from the shadowy corner of the bar and hit the mage on the head, disrupting his spell being cast, and closing the portal on Rhonin. Rhonin was only halfway through. He was warped to what he called the Twisting Nether, between different dimensions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also at this time, a man named Steve was on his own world. It was a world made entirely of cubes. He, himself, was a miner. He dug deep into caverns and lava pockets for a living to find materials he could use. Though he was mostly on his own, he had begun trading with some nearby villagers.

He had just finished mining quite a few blocks of obsidian. He wanted a fireplace. The best material to make a fire was called netherrack – it has been proven to burn, quite literally, forever. However, it was only located in the region deep below the surface known as the Nether, which is basically a molten ball of lava and heated rock with creatures that want to kill you around every corner.

He figured he could just make a portal out of obsidian, go there quickly, grab some netherrack, and get out of there as fast as he could. Simple plan, right?

Wrong.

He got the portal up, the violet swirls hypnotizing him as he stepped in to go to the nether. It wasn’t that hard or painful; he was easily teleported, and arrived in the nether in moments. He used his pickaxe (Which was made out of diamonds, I might add) to harvest some of the netherrack to his immediate right.

He sighed in relief. It was already over! He stepped back in the portal, ready to be teleported back to the overworld. Then suddenly, something was heard in the distance. It was a ghast, shooting an explosive fireball towards Steve. Steve tried to protect himself, but there was no need. He was teleported before the explosion went off. However, the explosion closed the portal while he was teleporting. He was stuck inbetween two dimensions, much like our last two unfortunate characters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Equestria, Twilight and Rainbow were both panicking. What did that thing do? What was that noise? Is it bad? They both thought these questions to themselves.

Rainbow Dash finally spoke up. “…Egh, Twilight, don’t worry about it. You probably just teleported some dust in the air to some other planet far away, right?”

Twilight looked up. “Then explain that ear-rending sound that came right afterwards.”

Rainbow was hit by realization. “…Oh, uh, I hadn’t thought of that… Oh…”

From upstairs, a voice was heard. It was Spike, who was at the time, sick with a virus. “…H-Hey, what gives?”

Twilight looked up at him. “…Oh, don’t worry, Spike. Just go back to sleep and get better.” Twilight sounded rather demanding.

Spike just shrugged, and waddled back to his bed. Twilight grabbed a quill and a scroll, and quickly wrote to the Princess about what just happened. She didn’t see that she had any other option.

“…Spike! I need you to send this letter!” She said, realizing she needed him only moments after demanding him to go back to bed.

Spike waddled over, and Twilight pushed the letter over to spike with her magic. Spike burned it up, and it flew out the window. He went right back to bed, almost asleep instantly.

Suddenly, from outside, three manly voices were heard from right outside, all three seeming to be yelling.

The Newcomers

About halfway between Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres, Rhonin, the Scout, and Steve all fell from the sky. Steve landed rather smoothly, managing to get back up on his feet in a moment. Rhonin landed right on his rear, and the scout landed next to him, faceplanting.

Rhonin stood up shakily, rubbing his tailbone from the fall. He quickly looked around him. With a drunken slur still with his voice, he spoke aloud. “…Eh? Thish isn’t right…”

Scout got up, hearing a drunken voice. He was in a stage of panic after hearing it. Since he had dropped his boxes of punch on the fall (Sending the cans everywhere), he reached quickly and grabbed his scattergun off of his belt, pointing it at the direction of the voice. He quickly noticed that the man was neither black nor a cyclopse, and was infact a tanned man in robes. He still kept his scattergun pointed at him, whether he intended to or not.

Steve, just as or even more so confused as the other two, grabbed his pickaxe off of the ground. It as all he had, aside from the few pork chops he had in his bags. He looked around, noticing the world was so… Different. It wasn’t entirely cubic. Sure, some buildings were square, but many other things were curved or had angles that weren’t ninety degrees. He backed away from the other two, seeing some hostility.

Rhonin looked over at the scout, who had the scattergun pointed at him. Rhonin reacted quickly, and started making a large fireball in his hands.

Scout’s eyes grew to the size of melons, his pupils shrinking to dots. He hated fire. …That cruel laugh still echoed in his head… …That menacing mask… …That hellish contraption… He immediately dropped his scattergun and cowered at the sight of the fireball.

Rhonin hurled the fireball at the Scout anyway, regardless of him cowering. Scout ducked at just the right time, and the fireball went over his head – right to Steve. He got knocked back a ways. Luckily, his pick had absorbed some of the impact, but not much. He let out a small yell. “…What in the Nether was that for?!”

Rhonin looked at the Scout on the ground, in a fetal position, and then up at the odd man, who was very ‘square’, for lack of a better word, that he had just burned. “…What the fel?”

The scout looked up, terrified. “What the hell man?! Why did you—“

He was cut off by a voice from a few feet away. It seemed irritated and tired. “…For Pete’s sake, I can’t get no darn rest without some stupid—What in tarnation?!” Applejack yelled as she tilted up her hat to finally look at the scene in front of her.

Applejack backed up, rearing her head at the scene. She was scared, and didn’t know how to handle this situation. “…Uh… Uhm…”

The Scout, hating awkward moments, looked up at Applejack, hesitant himself. “…Uh, yo. What’s up?” He said, uneasy.

Applejack looked even more confused. “…Where… Why…?” She said, trying to communicate with her hooves, making signs and such.

Rhonin looked at the Scout, and then at Applejack. “…Where in Azeroth am I? …And what did they shlip in my drink? Poniesh can’t talk.”

Applejack stood there, astonished, confused, and afraid. She started backing away, when Rainbow Dash bolted up to the scene, Twilight galloping up behind.

“What happened? Is everythi—who are these… Things?!”Rainbow Dash yelled, getting a glance at the three newcomers.

Twilight heard Rainbow Dash as she was running back up. She arrived with the same thoughts and look on her face. She quickly pulled out her book, opened it, and started reading to find out what was going on.

Steve spoke up. “…What is… This place?” He said, marveling the architecture that seemed much more open and free than his own.

Applejack looked at Twilight. “…Twi, what the buck is going on?!”

Twilight gasped slightly and opened her eyes wide after reading a sentence. She looked up at everypony. …Everyone would actually be more fitting. “…Oh, no! I opened a rift! Ooooooh, what do I do, what do I do?!” Twilight said, trying to think.

“…A rift?” Rainbow and Applejack said together.

“Yes, a rift. Interdimensional. These three aren’t even from Equestria!” Twilight exclaimed.

“…If you’re not from Azeroth, how do you all know Common?” Said Rhonin

“…You mean English, numbnuts?” Said the Scout, still mad at Rhonin trying to burn him.

“Y’all mean Equestrian, right?” Spoke Applejack.

“No, Common.”

“English.”

“Equestrian.”

“No, Common!”

“English!”

“Equestrian!”

“COMMON!”

“ENGL—“

Scout was cut off by Steve. “I don’t think determining our language is the biggest issue right now!” He roared. “Now. How do we get back to our own dimensions, er… Purple pony?” He said to Twilight, trying not to seem hostile.

“...Twilight Sparkle. And I’m working on it…” She buried her face in her book again.

Rhonin held his head, muttering something about drinking too much.

The Scout walked around, picking up all of the Bonk! Atomic Punch cans that were salvageable after the fall.

Twilight sighed, closing her book and putting it in a satchel she carried over her back. “I have a lot to read about. I’ll figure it out later. But, for now, we have to figure out what to do with you three.”

The sun was setting, and Luna would raise her moon very soon. “…How ‘bout we find these here people a place t’ stay?” Applejack asked, having lost her fear after a short while.

“I can build my own house fairly quickly.” Steve said.

“…In an hour?” Applejack looked at him curiously.

“I’ve done it in five minutes before.”

“That ain’t possible.”

“Yeah it is. You just have to—“ He started digging, soon realizing that this place was nothing like the world of Minecraft, and that you couldn’t collect in a similar way. “…Uh, wow… Nevermind.”

Applejack, still confused, looked at Twilight. “Whadaya reckon we do, Twi?”

“…Well, it seems we have a carpenter here, so he’ll just need a place to stay for a night and a plot of land. As for the other two…” She looked at Rhonin and the Scout. “We’ll need to find a place for you to stay.”

“…Uh, you sayin’ I gotta stay at some pony’s house?” Said the Scout

“…Well, you’re welcome to sleep outside on the ground. A storm is scheduled for tomarrow.” Twilight said.

“Scheduled?”

“Yes. The flight team scheduled a storm. …Oh, I suppose you don’t… Yeah… That’s right…” Twilight said, now in thought.

Rainbow Dash sighed. She knew somebody would mention her. She had the biggest house of all her friends!
That sigh was enough to grab Twilight’s attention. “Oh, Rainbow! I’m sure you have enough room in your house! Would you mind taking one of them?” She looked up at her.

Rainbow cursed to herself. “Celestia damn it…” She spoke up. “Yeah, I guess I could take one. If they can get up to my house, that is.”

“Uh… that one doesn’t look like he weighs too much. Do you think you could carry him?” She was pointing her hoof at the Scout.

“…Fine.” Rainbow, wanting to uphold her title of loyal, swooped over to him.

“What?! I ain’t just lettin’ you carry me! I don’t even know you!” Scout barked.

“Oh, that’s right.” Rainbow landed in front of him, and struck up a pose. “I, am Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in Equestria. The Element of Loyalty.” She flew back up in the air, jammed her forelegs under the scouts arms, picked him up off of the ground, and started flying. “Now you know me.” When she was out of earshot, she said something to him. “…Let’s get to my place before Egghead gives us a lecture.

The Scout, having been thrashing around on the way up there, chuckled at Rainbow Dash’s statement. He was still angry, but not as angry as he was moments before. He eased up a bit, realizing if he squirmed and actually got free, he would fall. Again.

“…Eh, which one ‘re you? Blocky?” Applejack said, looking at Steve.

“Steve.” He simply replied.

“Uh… Steve. My li’l sister’s got a clubhouse you can pro’ly stay in until y’ build yer own house. I’ll try to calm ‘em down. Follow me when we’re done here.” Applejack said, sounding inviting.

Steve was a bit surprised about how inviting Applejack was. He nodded in reply, and everyone looked at Rhonin.

“…So, uh…” Twilight said, waiting for a title to call Rhonin.

Rhonin pinched himself. He felt pain, so it clearly wasn’t a dream. He doubted it was a hallucination at this point. He finally spoke up. “Rhonin. Archmage of the Kirin Tor.”

“…Archmage? I’ll ask later. But for now, we need to find you a place to stay.” Twilight quickly though about what houses were left. Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s houses were taken, Fluttershy was shy, and Twilight didn’t want to put her through any trouble. And she didn’t want to put anyone through the trouble of living with Pinkie. She saw one option left.

“…Would you like to stay at my library?” Twilight asked.

Rhonin grunted. He hated relying on others. He was best alone. But, after hearing about the storm being scheduled tomarrow, he agreed. “…Ish there a place to eat here?” He said, the beer still slurring his voice a bit.

Twilight had just remembered. How would the public react to this? She was just about to say something when Applejack, with the same thoughts, spoke up.

“We got plenty ‘f apples you can take. Jus’… Pay us back.” She said.

“Applesh? Don’t you have something along the lines of pork? Any meat for that matter?” He said, not thinking about it until after he said it. They’re ponies, he thought. They wouldn’t eat meat.

“…Er.. No, we don’t.” Applejack said, looking at Rhonin with a bit of disgust on her face.

“…I guessh that’s it, then. Thank you for your offer. I guess I don’t mind applesh.” He said, still a bit irritated.

“I’ll have to talk to the mayor later,” said Twilight. “this won’t go unnoticed by the public for long. …So, Rhonin. Follow me.” She said, trotting off towards Ponyville. Rhonin sighed, and followed. Twilight used her horn to cast a spell, making Rhonin invisible to anyone but Twilight for a short time.

Applejack looked at Steve, them being the only two remaining. “…So, follow me, Steve. I’ll show you where the Crusaders’ clubhouse is.” She said, chuckling at the thought of the crusaders still. Steve followed, inspecting the land around him, finding much interest in it.

Meanwhile, in the Magical Land of Team Fortress 2...

Meanwhile, the RED team, without the help of their beloved Scout, had been pushed back to their old base. They had a meeting where they kept their intelligence, deep inside the base. The meeting had turned into a way between the members, with the blame being passed around like a game of hot potato.

“Zhis is unacceptable,” Said the medic. “ve have NO hope ov taking zheir intelligence vis zat little man gone.”

“Da, yes. Little man may be very small, but is kredit to team.” Said the Heavy.

“I don’t know, mates. I never liked tha’ li’l ankle biter.” Said the Sniper, remembering some rather painful events with the Scout.

“Sniper, none of us care what you think about him. We need that magnificent bastard back here with us.” Said the Soldier.

The Spy spoke up from the back. He was at his desk, the light very dim. “Yes. He was vital to our team’s success. He’s almost as hard to hit as me.”

“Gah, close yer braggin’ mouth, lad. I’ve yet to see ye FIGHT like a MAN!” Said the enraged RED Demoman, having been in a rough fight erlier.

“Drunk on th’ battlefield ain’t no way to be, son.” Said the Engineer, looking over some blueprints for a minisentry.

“This is comin’ from a bloody toymaker!”

“Yeah, toys. Toys that shoot bullets and missles!”

“That are easily sapped by people like me…”

“People? Yer just a coward.”

“You aren’t much better than me, Engineer. You hide behind your sentry just as much as I hide behind the shadows.”

“At least I fight!”

“With a wrench…”

The medic grabs his bonesaw and stabs the table in front of him. “Dummkopfs! Quit arguing! Zhis vill get us absolutely nowhere!”

“Yer useless syringe gun doesn’t get us anywhere either, lassy.” Said the Sniper.
The medic sighs. “Are zhou –looking- for a fight?”

“Yeah. One I know I can win. Beating the crap out of a German quack in white robes don’t seem like much ‘f a difficult task, eh mate?”

“…My patience is running thin with you.”

“So is the Heavy’s blood. Your medigun don’t seem to fix tha—“

“Everyone calm down!” Said the very assertive and powerful Soldier.

“Hhhdh mrrdrf hhh!” Said the Pyro from the corner, seeming to agree with the Soldier.

All of the feuding teammates didn’t feel like dealing with the soldier and pyro’s wrath combined, and quickly shut their traps.

“Thank you. Now. Heavy. You were the last one to see Scout. Where did he go?”

“…Demoman with frying pan charged Scout while Scout was packing up. Scout went in teleporter, and I not see him or Demoman with pan again.”

Engineer looked up, gasping a bit. “…Mother of god, what time was it? What minute did he teleport?! I need to know the exact minute!”

“Erm… Tree-seventeen, I tink dispenser said.”

“…Aw, hell. I must’ve shut th’ thing down while he was teleporting. Well, he’s somewhere else now. Far, far, away. He’s still alive, though. This has happened b’fore.”

“Well, looks like we’re screwed. We’ll just have to wait. There’s no way we’re going to find Scout any time soon.” The Soldier said.

“…Da.”

A Day with Dash

Dash flew up to her house, with the Scout, having given up escaping from Dash's grasp, hanging from her arms like a ragdoll. Rainbow lowered, and was getting ready to drop Scout on the cloud, when suddenly he flailed.

"Whoawhoawhoa, wait! That's just a cloud!"

"Yeah, it's a cloud! It just so happens to be my HOME TOO!" Retorted Dash, taking it as an insult. She dropped him rather carelessly, to realise the actual reason why he was yelling only moments later.

He had fallen straight through the cloud.

She facehoofed. How could I forget that?!, she thought. The cyan pegasus darted down to catch the horrified Scout by his legs. She took him and dropped him off once she had flown close enough to the ground. She sighed, wiped her forehead, and looked at the Scout.

"Wh-What the hell was that crap?! You tryin' t' kill me?!" Yelled the scout, now in a stage of panic.

"No, I just forgot something. Your kicking and whining on the flight up there distracted me!"

"Okay, Ms. Skittlehair. Well, whadowedo now, that I'm not falling to my death?"

"...Skittlehair?"

"...Oh, yeah, right. Ponies don't got skittles, do they?"

"...Doesn't matter. We gotta go talk to egghead later and get some sorta spell cast on you. Unless you want to stay with somepony else. And the only one I can think of is--"

"OOOH! Rainbow! Who's this?! Is he new? I don't recogni--" The pink pony who had just randomly appeared behind the two let out a large gasp, jumped up int he air, and darted (Quite possibly faster than Rainbow Dash) bacl to Sugarcube Corner.

"...Pinkie Pie." Rainbow dash muttered, soon followed by another facehoof.

"...What just happened?" Said the very, very confused Scout, having seen Pinkie defly two or three laws of physics in the brief moment he saw her.

"Look, I can't explain. Most of what she does is explained by saying "It's just Pinkie" around here. Not even Twilight can figure out how she does things!"

"...Twilight. Who's Twilight."

"Egghead? The one with the giant book?"

"Oh, yeah. Her."

"She lives in a library, is a student of the Princess, and has a -ton- of lists. She has lists to list her lists!"

"Princess?"

"Oh, for the love of Pete, if we keep going like this, it will take -forever- to get to town. Now, let's just get back to Eggy's library and we can get this whole thing sorted out. Hopefully. ...Try not to be seen, alright? Just in case somepony's around?"

The Scout chuckled at the word 'somepony'. "...Yeah, yeah, I got it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight was searching through her books in hopes of finding something that could help with the pickle she was currently in. While she was searching, Spike was still asleep, and Rhonin remained quiet on Twilight's sofa. The room was in almost complete scilence, with the exception of the occasional page-turning of Twilight and Spike rolling over in his sleep. This scolence was broken by a loud knock on the door.

"Twilight! It's Rainbow!"

The unicorn let out a deep sigh in annoyance, and trotted over to the door. She opened it and stepped aside to let both Rainbow and the Scout inside.

"...What now, Rainbow?'

"Scrawny here can't walk on clouds."

The Scout protested, but decided he would get Rainbow later and calmed down.

"Oh, that's right. I have to cast the spell. Uh... Mr...?" Twilight said as she awaited a title from the Scout.

"Jus' call me Scout."

"...Alright, er, Scout. I need to cast a spell on your feet. Have you had something like this done before?"

"Uh, no."

"Well, don't panic. Nothing bad will happen to you. Now, hold still so I can do this..."

She lowered her horn to the Scout's feet. It glowed slightly as Twilight was casting, and the Scout watched, still a bit uneasy. A violet glow radiated from the Scout's sneakers until Twilight pulled away, nodding to show she was done.

"That should do the trick!" She said. She looked up at the Scout with a not-so sincere smile on her face.

The Scout looked at his feet. "...I don't feel anythin'."

"You're not supposed to, Scout. It's not physical."

He looked down at the purple unicorn, still a bit confused. "...Uh, 'kay."

"...Ready to go back to my place?" Asked Rainbow, who had been hovering there with her forelegs folded in front of her chest the whole time.

"I guess." The Scout said, lacking enthusiasm

"Alright. Let's go. Thanks, E--Twilight!"

"...Er, yeah, um... Thanks?"

Twilight nodded at the two. "Any time!"

They closed the door behind them as Rainbow grabbed the Scout and flew off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Scout chuckled to himself. He was having fun walking on Rainbow's cloud. He ran around, almost in circles, giggling to himself harder than he did when he clotheslined the BLU medic with his baseball bat and made him do a backflip.

Rainbow finally stopped him, saying they needed to get inside before other pegasi saw him. "...What's a pegasign?" Asked the Scout after hearing Ranbow.

"...Uh, what do yo think?! Look at me!" She flapped her wings, half struttung them.

"Oh. So a horse that yells too much?"

"...No, smart one. Wings!"

He chuckled, Rainbow only prooving his point more. Rainbow finally said "Come on already! Let's go inside!" They both walked in the large cloud house, the Scout almost in awe at it.

Rainbow proceeded to give the Scout a small tour, showing him all the awards Rainbow had won at previous competitions and such. The only room she skipped was her bedrooom (Which she never uses). The Scout asked why, and Rainbow said she would explain later. The scout could only guess. He thought to himself; ...Do these ponies have some sorta version of Playboy? I guess it would be PlayColt or something...

Rainbow pointed to a small, fluffy white couch in the living room. "You'll be sleeping HERE. Try not to touch much, alright? There's alot of valuable stuff in the living room." Rainbow said, trying to sound dominant.

"Alright, alright, I get it! You don't want me touchin' none of yo stuff! Quit yappin' at me, ya harp! Just 'cause my mother's in Boston don't mean you gotta take 'er place!"

"Watch it! I'm the one letting you stay here!"

The Scout grumbled. She had a point. "...Can y' at least tone it down a notch or two? It feels like I'm gettin' lectured by Soldier again."

"Soldier?"

"...He was on the RED team back where I was. Rocket-launchin', shovel-swingin' nutjob if y' ask me."

"Team? Team of what?"

"Reliable Excavation and Digging. We were fightin' for -our- land that the BLU team tried to steal!"

"...You sayin' you fought eachother over... Over land?"

"Yeah, we did. Where do you think this came from?" The Scout took his scattergun off of his belt.

"Is that a gun?!"

"Yeah."

"Why would you -shoot- eachother?!"

"'Cause it's OUR land! ...Oh, and trust me, we did alot more than shootin'."

"Do I even wanna know?"

"Depends. How fond are you of fire?"

"Not really."

"Pro'ly not, then."

"...You curned eachother?!" Rainbow screamed.

"Yeah, we got some masked maniac with a flamethrower. So do they. ...Look, I ain't talkin' 'bout that freak no more than what I just said, alright?"

Rainbow levitated there, half in shock. She thought to herself; How could they burn eachother? Cooked alive?!

"...A-Alright, er, er S-Scout."

The Scout simple nodded, throwing himself onto the couch and making himself comfy. There was a hint of awkwardness in the air, and the Scout decided to break it. "...So, What'd you say yer name was again? Rainbow somethin'?"

Rainbow snapped back to reality to respond to the Scout's comment. "...Uh, yeah. Rainbow Dash."

"...That jus' a nickname?"

"No. That's my actual name."

"Why do ponies got such weird names? They're all like... Colors 'r somethin'."

"Uh, yeah! Pro'ly because we're colored that way!"

"Why don't you got any real names like John or Megan?"

"Uh, because those aren't real names?"

"...Ponies 're confusin'."

"So are... Whatever you are."

"I'm a human, sis. A man t' be specific."

"Man... Colt?"

"...Uh, yeah."

"...Great." She muttered hunder her breath. "Well, awesome. You're still confusin'. How do you walk on two legs like that?"

"'Cause I was born that way."

"I couldn't imagine walkin' on two!"

"Ain't that hard, really. Just gotta get some more meat on your legs, that's all..." The Scout said, trying to make it sound like he was tough.

Rainbow responded to the boast. "Well, I bet you can't go half as fast with those things, can you?"

The Scout laughed so hard he couldn't breathe for a good three minutes.

"What's so funny?" Rainbow asked.

"...You... You think I'm slow...! That's cute..."

"Well, everyone's slow compated to me!"

"...That a challenge?" The Scout stopped laughing almost immediately, and stood up to look at Rainbow with a smug grin on his face.

"You want it to be?!" Raiinbow said, glaring and pushing her nuzzle against the Scout's face.

The Scout pushed back, growling a little. "You're on! Where and what time?!"

"I'll arrange something when you'll be able to go out in Public! So I can embarass you in front of the entire town of Ponyville!"

Both of them were pushing harder and harder againset eachother's heads, glaring into eachother's eyes. "Embarass me? Hah! You're the one that's going to be eatin' dust, Rainbow Crash!"

"OOOH! Rainbow Crash! How freakin' origonal!"

"So this ain't the first time you'll bite the dust?!"

"What dust?! All you'll see is a blue blip in the distance!"

"In the rear view mirror!"

The argument kept intensifying. They both seemed to like the competition, them both smiling from it. It was competition, it seemed, and not so much hostility. Just when Scout was about to yell, there was a knock on the door.

The both drew back their heads, looked at the door, and then back at eachother with wide eyes. Scout ran upstairs to get out of sight. Rainbow yelled "Just a minute!" And began to walk up to the door.

She opened it, and to her suprise, the lazy-eyed pony Derpy Hooves was there. She held a giant leather bag. "You got mail, Ms. Dash! It's heavy, so be careful!" She dropped it in front of Dash, with a few metallic clangs being heard inside.

"O-Oh! Thanks, Derpy!" Derpy was waving goodbye as Dash slammed the door on her and flew the bag over into her living room to open it. She wasn't expecting mail. She opened it to find two dozen yellow and red cans.

The Scout came downstairs to see all of his Bonk! Atomic Punch int he bag. "...Yes!" He sprinted over to look at all 24 of his precious cans.

Rainbow looked at the Scout, confused. "...What's this?"

"My favorite punch."

"...And Derpy just delivered it to us?"

"I'm sorry, what did you just call me?"

"I didn't call you anything."

"I heard the word 'Derpy'."

"Uh, yeah. Derpy is the mailmare. Derpy Hooves."

"...The mailman--I mean, mailmare's name is Derpy?"

"Yeah."

"...Oh.. Heh..."

"On't laugh at Derpy! She's the nicest pony I know!"

Scout felt a little guilt, and nodded. "Alright, alright. Well, tell 'er thanks for th' punch if y' see 'er again."

"Will do. ...That stuff any good?"

The Scout looked at it, and realised he would have to show her -after- the scheduled race, if ever. "...Yeah, but these are cold. It's flavor literally changes when it's cold. That, 'n' it's hard to cool. Has to stay in th' fridge for a few days." He said, trying to avoid giving Dash one.

"Ah, alright. Well, I got a li'l extra room in there if y' can jam 'em in there. If I get one when they're ready."

"...Will do." He picked up the bag and walked over to what he thought was Dash's fridge, and began to pile them in there.

Rainbow noticed the Scout had left his scattergun on the floor beside the couch. She walked over to it to look at it, and soon after picked it up. She couldn't work the trigger with her hooves; the hole was too small. She kept observing the device until the Scout came back. Rainbow gasped as she saw him walk up, thinking he would be mad if he saw her messing with it.

"...Don't be messin' with that thing." He said, reaching over to grab it. "You'll blow yer damn face off in an instant if you don't know how to--"

As he was taking it away from Dash, the gun fired. Neither of them were hurt, but the door and wall were both peppered with bulletholes. "...Ah, crap." The Scout said, not seeming to care as much. This had clearly happened before.

Dash had backed up into the corner, so afraid of the thing the Scout was holding. "G-Get that thing away from me!" She said, cowering in the corner.

Scout felt bad, and walked over to the door. He threw it outside and off of the cloud. He walked back to Dash.

"...Yo, Dash, y' alright? Need a hand?" He held out his right hand.

Dash took the hand, and they both pulled her up. She walked shakily up to her room. "...I'm... I'm going to bed now, Scout. Uhm, see ya."

"Peace."

Coping with the Crusaders

Steve and Applejack were walking through the endless amounts of apple trees, going over to where the Cutie Mark Crusaders' clubhouse was. They were both talking, asking eachother questions and such on the way over. Steve was explaining how he thought he had gotten here.

Applejack looked at Steve as if he was a maniac. "You tellin' me you went t' Tartarus t' get somethin' t' put in yer fireplace?"

"If by Tartarus you mean the Nether, yes." He replied.

"Why couldn't you jus' burn some wood 'r somethin'?"

"Wood wasn't that common where I was from. I lived in the plans, and the nearest forest was quite a ways to the east. Not to mention that the place was crawling with creepers."

"Creepers?"

Steve sighed, remembering some incidents he had with creepers. "Yes. Green, crunchy walking... Things. When they get close enough to you, they basically trigger a fuse in themselves and blow themselves up."

"They blow themselves up to kill ya? Why?"

"Nobody is entirely sure. All we know is that it's very destructive and deadly. Lots of supplies go to repairs because of them."

"Must be a nightmare livin' there."

"You just need to be good with a sword to take care of them. Or in my case, the only thing I had on hand; a pickaxe."

"Guessin' you're a miner?"

"A miner, carpenter, blacksmith, leatherworker, gemcrafter, enchanter, swordsman, lumberjack, farmer... List goes on."

Applejack blinked. "And you do this by yerself?"

Steve responded with a nod, readjusting his diamond pickaxe in his hand. "I get the occasional help from the nearby villagers in return for defense against some creatures, but for the most part, yes. I'm alone."

"Amazin'. I can't imagine doin' more work than applebuckin' 'round here."

"Applebucking?"

"Yeah, applebuckin'." She bumped a nearby tree they were walking by with her left-hind leg, and a few apples fell. Applejack caught one, and two or three came down on Steve. He managed to catch one, but picked up the others that he had dropped.

"I wish getting food was that easy where I lived." He said, admiring what Applejack had just did.

"I'm guessin' it ain't no trot gettin' dinner?"

"Well, I can get food easily. I've found myself eating rotten flesh from zombies more and more often to survive, but, getting good food isn't easy at all."

Applejack stopped in her tracks, and looked over her shoulder to Steve. "...Y' what?"

"I ate rotting flesh from zombies I've killed in the mines."

Applejack, astonished, decided to change the subject and keep on walking. "...Er, nevermind. So, you said you could build a house erlier?"

"It'll take me a bit longer than normal, but, yes, I should be able to get a house up in a short amount of time, if i have some building materials.

"Alrighty. But fer now, you're gonna stay in this here clubhouse." She used her right front leg to point to the CMC clubhouse, which was only a few meters away. They both walked up to the door in silence. Once there, Applejack told Steve to stay back and out of sight. "I wanna explain to these fillies that you ain't no harm, alright? Ain't every day y' got somepo-... Some... A Steve walkin' 'round these parts. Y' understand?"

Steve simply nodded, and watched as Applejack went up the steps to the clubhouse's door. Steve hid behind a nearby tree.

Applejack listened for a moment. She heard three little voices inside, as well as some hoofsteps and some other noises. They must be in there.

She knocked, and yelled loudly, "Hey girls! I'm comin' in!" She opened the door and walked in. "Hope you three don't mind, but we got so--!" She cut herself off and gasped, quickly looking at the situation in front of her.

Applebloom and Scootaloo both had a pairs of scissors, and were cutting pictures out of two magazines. The magazines were old Playcolt issues. Sweetie Belle was over in the corner, away from the other two. The two with the magazines looked up and gasped, seeing Applejack walk in.

"Uh... Uh.. W-We can explain!" Said Scootaloo, hiding a magazine behind her back as Applejack glared at them both.

"Where in the hay did you get these?!" She roared.

"We found 'em in the garbage!" Applebloom said. "We saw Big Mac dump a bag in th' garbane, 'n' that reminded us! We hadn't tried dumpster-divin' yet! We found these!"

Applejack facehoofed. "You know what those things are?!"

"Uhh..." They both said in unison. They looked at eachother, eachothers' faces growing red with embarassment.

"You three go back home, right now! Gimme them things 'n' get out! Applebloom, I expect you t' be in your bedroom early t'night!"

The two nodded, hanging their heads in shame. They dropped their scissors, handed Applejack the magazines, left the cut-out photos on the floor, and walked out. Sweetie Belle, who had been sitting in the corner the whole time, sighed and walked out behind them.

After the three were out of sight, Applejack went down the stairs and to the tree Steve had been hiding behind. "...I worry fer them girls sometimes. Well, coast is clear. Let's go in there."

They both walked into the small clubhouse. Steve saw some of the cut out photos on the floor.

"...Is that...?"

Applejack looked over, and let out a little gasp. She quickly scoope dup all the photos and crumpled them up, tossing them into the corner. "...'S what I was yellin' at 'em for. Y' heard me out there, didn't ya?"

"I did." He said. He recalled feeling the ground shake. Then again, I could jus tbe feeling things... I haven't eaten an actual mean for awhile.

"Mhm. ...Well, this is where you'll stay fer th' night. Not much, but, it's good 'nuff, right Steve?" She said, looking around at what was once her clubhouse.

"Should do. I've learned to make the best of things."

"Sounds like y' need ta."

"Yeah, I kind of do." He said, thinking. He looked down at Applejack after a moment. "...This is really generous of you. I just met you not that long ago, and you're already inviting me to stay in here. Thanks."

"...Oh, it's nothin'. I just see you actually -work-, unlike some other ponies I know 'round here that take what I do fer granted." She rolled her eyes. "Well, I think I know where you'll be able t' build yer new house t'marrow mornin'. I'll have t' do some convincin' to yer neighbor, though."

"Oh. Where would I be?"

"That-a-way." She pointed her hoof towards town. "Next t' Carousel Boutique. Think there's a small lot."

"Ah..."

"...Place is owned by a friend 'f mine. I'll 'ave t' talk to 'er some time soon. But fer now, I'm gonna get somethin' t' eat. Wanna come with?"

"Sure. What're you having?"

"Apple pie and so-"

"Yes."

Applejack chuckled, and started walking out the door to her house. "Alrighty then."

I Wonder What's For DINNER...

Gabe Newell, a large folder in hand, walks up to you.*

"Hi. I'm Gabe Newell, with chapter, err..."

Pinkie Pie speaks up from behind Gabe. "Six!"

"Oh, uuuh, yeah, six. After several months in development, hopefully it will have been worth the wait. Thanks, and have fun!"

After Pinkie Pie makes an obvious crack about Gabe Newell's weight, you open the folder.

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Sweet Apple Acres, 11:45 PM

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Applejack was escorting Steve back to her house. As they walked through the fields, conversing all the way, Applejack pieced together a plan to explain to Granny Smith and Big Mac about what happened, and why this strange cube-man was allowed to stay.

"...Alright. Now, Steve. When I bring y' inside, try not t' look... Er... Threatenin'. In any way. If anyone in mah family takes this the wrong way, knowin' mah family, bad things 'll happen."

"Am I really that scary?" He asked, looking at himself.

"...Yer different. Put it that way. Ponies don't like different most 'f th' time."

Steve merely grunted and looked forward. He thought to himself as he saw the endless rows of apple trees. As he began daydreaming about his beloved apples on his home planet, he was snapped out of his daze to be interrupted by Applejack.

"Looky here. You tell me if those three come back, 'specially li'l Applebloom. If she ain't in be by the time I'm home, she's in fer a storm 'less she's up with Granny cookin' some--"

Applejack was abruptly cut off by a loud bang, stumbled backwards, and held her ears in pain. Looking at the source, the strange object the RED colored thing was holding had landed in front of her.

After a moment of recovery for her ears, she picked up her ruined hat and looked up at the sky in rage. "...Gah! Where th' hay did this thing come from?!"

After rubbing his ears, Steve walked over to Applejack and pulled on her shoulder to face her. "Applejack, you alright?"

"...Yea, I'm fine. M' ears aren't! Damnit, what is tha' thing?!"

Steve cleaned out his ears. "Wasn't that skinny man holding that thing erlier?"

"He sure was! 'N' he took it with 'em! How did it get from Rainbow's house t' HERE?!"

Steve stood there, utterly confused.

As Applejack stood up, she reached her left hoof up to adjust her hat. Her accidental facehoof made Applejack think something was amiss. Sure enough, when she looked up, all she could see was a few strands of her hair. She looked behind her to find her stetson peppered with holes. And for a minute, she stood there, mouth agape at her ruined hat.

"...Applejack, you okay?" Steve said again, noting the depressing look on Applejack's face.

Applejack said absolutely nothing. She even remained silent when her big brother galloped over and roared.

Big Mac charged up to Steve, shoving his snout into his face without hesitation. "What's goin' on here?!" He said in a menacing tone. "What're you doin' 'ere, 'n' why's mah sister on th' ground?" He was without any recognisable fear, the only visible emotion being rage.

"I-I-I can explain! It was some sort o--"

"You got three seconds 'fore I buck you 'cross the field."

"There's got to be some other--"

"One."

Steve, not wanting to see how much force those gigantic back legs had, darted off towards Ponyville, screaming like a little girl on the way.

Big Mac reared up and looked at his sister whom was cradling her hat in her arms like a baby, tears in her face. "...Sis, wot happened?"

"...M-Mah hat..."

"We can worry 'bout yer durn hat later! Dinner's cookin' 'n' we got some sorta over-sized rabbit with no for on th' loose!"

"...But, Mac, he's--"

Before she could finish her sentence, Big Mac galloped off into the distance after the mysterious man. Applejack sighed, looked at her hat, and cried herself to sleep as the sun set.

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Twilight Sparkle's Library, 12:03 AM

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Twilight was hastily scribbling down notes as Rhonin talked. It clearly was not long after their arrival at the library that Twilight had found this peculiar being as more of an interest, a new opportunity, than a threat.

"...I take it violence is strongly present in the world you came from?"

"Very. It seems around every corner, someone powerful has gone mad, there's an army that wants to destroy us, or some god is considered a threat."

"...Wait, let me make sure I'm hearing what I think I'm hearing. You people defy your very gods?"

"Concerning they likely are corrupted and want to destroy us, yes. For instance, in the ancient titan city of Ulduar, the god of death, Yogg-Saron, escaped his bonds and corrupted many of the figures there. Many of which were titanic watchers, or "keepers"."

"...Did... Did you succeed?"

"Yes."

"How? How could you kill a god?"

"A combination of luck, elite mercenaries and fighters, and the help from the keepers themselves."

"Didn't you say the keepers were corrupted?"

"I did. We knocked some sense into them. Literally." Rhonin chuckled.

"Wouldn't they kill you?"

"Oh, believe me, they tried. However, we had impeccable tactics, hardy warriors, alert healers and casters, weapons and armor from master smiths, and fire burning in our hearts. We were well prepared, and maybe even over-prepared."

"I'm still trying to fathom how fighting a god is at all possible. The ones that created you..."

"Ahem. Let me correct you on that. The Maker created us, not the gods. The gods are merely powerful figures in my eyes."

"...That makes a bit more sense, but..." Twilight rests her head for a moment, the quill falling down. "...This is alot to take in. To know that other... Universes exist, all with history as complex as Equestria's. I thought it was only in books."

"I have a similar feeling. ...Say, didn't you mention a monarch earlier?" Rhonin sipped on a conjured drink; coffe.

"Oh, yes. Monarchs, technically, now that Princess Luna is back. But yes, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna rule the land here. Me, being an element of harmony, have rather strong ties with--"

She cut herself off, a sudden realization hitting her. "...Spike! Did you get a letter back from the Princess?"

Spike waddled over to the balcony in a set of pajamas. He sniffled, wiped , and looked up at Twilight with red, puffy eyes. "...Huh?"

"Did you get a letter back from the Princess? As a response to the letter we sent?"

"...Uh, no, I haven't."

"But she always replies to my letters!"

Spike gave a nasally reply. "She's probably just busy, Twilight. I can't imagine how many things she has to do in a day."

"Spike! When hasn't she ever replied to a letter of mine?"

"No idea. Can I go back to sleep now?"

"No! Spike! We need to find out what's wrong!"

"Ugh, Twilight... No. You always jump to conclusions. There's nothing wrong. This dude seems cool, right?"

"HE is! From what I hear, others may not be!"

Spike merely grumbled and walked back to his bed.

"Spike! We have to send a letter! Get back here! Spike!!"

Rhonin finally spoke up. "...Er, Twilight?"

"...Yeah?"

"I could probably attempt to make a portal to Canterlot."

"Oh, yes, you have... You have magic, yes. Speaking of which, I would love to learn how to open a portal anyone can go through. I mean, teleporting is convenient for me, but my friends still have to ride a chariot or fly or something, and I kind of feel ba--"

"Gah! Concentrating here!" Rhonin roared impatiently, casting a spell.

Twilight waved a hoof as an apology and watched silently as Rhonin finished casting. As his hands hurled a ball to where he was placing the portal, the glowing blue ball curved upwards and headed out the window.

Twilight scrambled to look out the window. Rhonin, utterly confused, started casting again. Not long after was an explosion heard, interrupting Rhonin's cast.

"What the fel was that?"

"I-I don't know. I think that rift sucked your spell up!"

"...Oh, great."

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Southern Teufort, 5:33 PM

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The Medic and the Sniper walked through the halls deep within the Teufort base. They were headed towards the Engineer's "Shop of Horrors", where he built his deadly and fearsome machines.

As they arrived, the Medic opened the door and pulled the unwilling Sniper inside before closing the door behind him. As they approached their comrade, the Engineer took off his welding mask to greet the two.

"Howdy, doc. 'Ey, sliver."

"Hello, comrade."

"...Sliver?" The Sniper said, irritated.

"Yeah, y' get under m' skin real easy." The Engineer chuckled.

The Sniper tipped his hat over his eyes in anger. After stifling a chuckle, the Medic went on.

"Engineer, ve need to use zhour teleporter."

"What for?"

"Ve need to go after Scout. Ze mission is fruitless visout zat boy. He is ze only vone who can dodge bullets well! Sure, my medigun heals ze heavy enough, but not nearly enough to compensate for ze rockets, bullets, grenades, flames, kinves, and ozer stuff he is taking."

"...Uh, you sayin' you wanna send yerself off int'... Wherever the hell that thing takes ye?"

"If it vill get us Scout back..."

"Doc, you don't understand. Yer our most valuable member on the team, in all honesty, 'n' we need you here with us. That, 'n' we ain't got no clue where that damn thing will take you."

"I know vhere ve vill be if ve don't go."

"'N' where's that?"

The sniper tipped up his hat an inch and spoke up. "Hell, y' stupid mongrel. We'll all die if they get our intelligence. We got three damn options, Engie. Either burn the intelligence, let them kill us, or let Doc 'ere do THIS."

"Ahem, I believe zhou are coming vis me?"

"This is volunteer work."

"Well, heh, no, et's not. Remember who healed you zat time zhou took that rocket to the torso? Ya. You're coming vis me."

The Sniper grumbled something about the Medic being a woman, and put up no actual argument.

Engie sighed, and pulled out two toolboxes. "If y' really wanna, here y' go. Just... Stay safe, Doc."

"I plan to..." Medic said as he deployed the teleporters. He got the Sniper in the headlock and, after it was fully erect, stepped onto the entrance.

"How're you going to--"

"Auf Wiedersehen!" The medic said as he jammed the teleporter exit with a syringe at the last second. Little did he know that the Sniper had somehow grabbed onto the Engineer...

All three were sent to somewhere unknown.

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Canterlot, 1:03 AM

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A masked man in an blue asbestos-lined suit walks along the multi-color roads (singed carpets) of the magical palace (burning castle), observing his handiwork. He chuckled delightfully (devilishly) as he saw the joy (destruction) he caused. As he was walking, he heard panicked hoofsteps in the distance. He thought he had shooed off all of the small horses here with his device that cascades his friends with sunshine and rainbows (Scorching flames). Soon after, he heard the clinking of metal hitting the floor, and walked over to investigate.

He found a golden tiara, bent slightly on one of the edges. He recognised it; it was on that one pony he saw a few minutes ago chasing everyone else away from the city. But why? She must be mean, wanting all the rainbows to herself... She won't get any then! he thought.

Pyro walked outside of the castle, looking at anything else he could decorate. He thought he had already colored the entire city, but he wanted to double check.

As he walked by, some baby ponies (Burning royal guards) were walking (crawling) away from Pyro. He decided to give them another poof of rainbows as he walked by, and listen to their delightful giggles...

He kept walking. As he did, he tried to remember what his friends sent him here to do. Something about finding the demoman...? Yes, yes, that was it. Now, if you were a demoman, where would you be...

Pyro was stumped on this one. He merely decided to go wherever any settlements were and ask around. He knew he had to go away from this city, due to everyone taking a nap after partying so hard, as they always do. He set out and wandered wherever he pleased.

Everntually, he found what looked like a train station. The signs read "Mmmph", "Mmmph", and "Hudda". He decided to go to "Hudda", and waited for the train.

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Twilight Sparkle's Library, 12:17 AM

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Twilight heard bodies tumble outside. She, in a mix of panic, annoyance, and frustration, galloped outside. "Stay here! I'll deal with these guys." She said as she slammed the door behind her.

She walked up to find two hatted men. "...There's MORE of you?" She screamed.

The man with the yellow hat sat on the ground, cradling his knee. His leg looked rather limp. "...Gah, doc! ...Doc?"

The other man, a bit taller, stood up and looked at the source of the voice. "...Bloody hell, I don't know what--" He stopped in his tracks as he saw what was in front of him.

"You don't know where you came from, do you? Great. Well, let's get introductions out of the way. My name is Twilight Spar-- EEP!"

The Sniper quickly picked her up and squeezed her. "I gotta be dreamin'! There's no way!" He said.

The Engineer, still clutching onto his broken knee, looked up. "...Sniper, you alright?"

Twilight squirmed to get out of the horrible-smelling man's grasp. "Wh-who--What--?!"

"Twilight Sparkle... I can't believe it! I'm a huge fan! Y' 'ave no idea, lass!"

Both Twilight and the Engineer looked at Sniper as he loosened his hug on Twilight, and let her plop to the ground.

"Sniper, what the hell y'all talkin' 'bout? You know these people?"

Sniper blushed. He never got around to telling his teammates...

"I don't know him! I don't know how he knows me!"

"...Err, Engi?"

"Yeah?"

"Y' know that... Thing you found... Under my bed one night?"

"...Yeah?" He said, trying his best not to laugh.

"...That wasn't the Heavy's..."

The Engineer burst out laughing.

Twilight looked at the two with shock on her face. "Can SOMEONE explain?!"

"...Look, lass, back where we're from, you... You're in a..."

"Yer in a durn TV show fer little girls." The Engineer barely managed to say through his laughs.

"...A what? 'TV show'?"

"It's, er... It's a, um... How do we... Put this fer... Ponies?'

"It's like a theater. Only in a box. And you control what play is on, to a certain extent."

"So you're saying I'm an actor?"

"T' a certain extent, Twi, yeah."

Pinkie Pie jumps out of the bushes. "Haven't I explained this to you, Twilight?"

Sniper bursts out laughing. Engineer and Twilight both look confused, but Pinkie Pie smiles, knowing what he was laughing at.

"You see, Twilight, we're in a show. For little gir--fillies. On a planet called Earth, far, far away."

Twilight, remaining skeptical at Pinkie Pie (As she almost always was), merely nodded. "Uh-huh."

"And a lot of people watch us and our adventures and stuff!"

"Uh-huh..."

"There's also a few other things, like games and stuff, where THESE guys come from!" She directed to the two in front of her and at Rhonin, who was sitting in the library.

"...Uhhh..."

"And, since THIS game" She pointed at Engineer and Sniper "takes place on Earth, we're technically known by them!"

"...U--"

"And then some weird guy I know about on Earth who eats WAAAAAAAAY too much sugar named Walter thinks it funny to mash all of us together in a story and then publish it for his reading friends to read!"

With everyone's minds successfully blown to smithereens by the pink pony's lecture, she trots off happily into the night.

After a long few minutes of mumbling and utter confusion, Twilight tells the two men to come inside for the night.
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Outside Ponyville, 12:20 AM

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Steve sprinted for his life. He could see the giant red tank-of-a-stallion chasing after him. As he ran, he tried to think of how he could trick him to get him off of his tail; he knew he clearly couldn't outrun him, much less upright fight him.

After a lightbulb went off in his head, he picked up a rather large rock off of the ground. He threw it over his shoulder.

The loud smack heard afterwards confirmed he had hit his target. Having faith Big Mac was dazed for a moment, he didn't look back and hid behind a tree. He started digging. He noticed that although he couldn't store the dirt somewhere (Much less keep it in cubes), he could still dig quite fast with his hands alone. After successfully covering up the hole, he sat in the fetal position and prayed that he would not be found.

After several minutes, he let out a sigh of relief. Nobody was after him. He pulled out his pickaxe and started digging straight forward. He would dig back up to the surface soon.

As he dug, he noticed just how free digging like this was. He could get off track really easy, he thought, and double-checked himself now and then.

After digging a reasonable distance (And finding a small chunk of iron on the way), he started digging upwards. After finally reaching dirt, he put his pickaxe aside and used his hands.

He would stub his... Stub moments later, to find a rectangular slab of concrete. Steve was -really- confused now. Where was he? What did he just do? Was he back in his world? He had no idea, but his digging pattern suggested not. He grabbed his pick regardless and dug through it.

After a few hits, he strikes wood. After a quick though about a forest he saw in the distance, he makes assumptions and keeps hitting. He's cut off by a chime from above him.

"Oh, no need to knock! Come in!" Came a ladylike voice.

Ohhhhh, brilliant. He was wrecking someone's floor.

In panic, he receded back into his hole. He hears the woman (Or mare, he thought) say something about her floor, and yells at what he assumed was a sibling. It was very muffled, and hardly distinguishable by accent.

Suddenly, a light creak is heard. "What in Tartarus?! Sweetie Belle, why didn't you return Applebloom's shovel?!" He heard her yell.

"But I did! Ask Applebloom!"

"Then why, pray tell, is there a gigantic hole beneath my floorboards?

"...Huh?!"

Rarity, after making sure the small opening was free of dirt and other filth, peeped in. She saw what she thought was a very cubic blue rock and a pickaxe.

"...What in Equestira's name have you been doing? What is that?"

Sweetie Belle shrugs.

"Well, go down there and get it for me!"

Uh-oh.

Steve, knowing if he made a substantial amount of noise, would be caught. Running away wasn't an option. But, what if he--

He was cut off by a scream. Sweetie Belle, her head now inside the hole, spotted Steve and shrieked in fear. "Rarity! Rarity! What's that thing?!"

Steve stood in the cave paralyzed. What if that red thing was up there? What if it wasn't the red thing, but they were as aggressive?

But not moments later did he find himself being stared at by a white pony with a notably glamorous mane.

Rarity, with a mix of disgust, fear, interest, and anger, stood with her mouth agape.

Steve thinks he should at least try to defend himself. "...Look, sorry, I was digging away from--"

"Why are you breaking into Carousel Boutique?!"

"...Wha--"

"Explain yourself! Quickly! I don't like standing down here!"

"I-I was just digging away from a big red thing that was trying to kick me! I dug this way and I think your stuff was righ--"

He was cut off by Rarity jumping over and grabbing his pickaxe. "...Is this...?"

"...That's my pickaxe I dug with!"

"...It's... It's beautifully crafted..."

"...Well, tha--"

"And you used it for DIGGING?!"

"Well, I--"

"One should not use a valuable commodity such as diamonds to do such primitive tasks! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Rarity picked up the pick and thwaped his shin.

He stood on one leg and held his other. "By the Aether, I'm sorry! I had nothing else that would do the job as well!"

"...What are you, anyway?" She seemed to have calmed down a bit, but not much.

"...It's a long story."

"Oh, don't give me that!"

Steve sighed. he decided to get this over quick. "Okay then. I'm from an entirely different universe. I got pulled over here because I was going to the Nether to get some netherrack for my fireplace. Suddenly, when I was going back through the portal, I was shot by a ghast which closed the portal, sent me in-between universes, into a rift that led to here, and I faceplanted in front of your orange friend's house and was almost killed right away by a madman with a gun and another madman with a fireball."

"...What...?"

"Ask your purple friend, Twilight, later. But for now, I need to hide before I'm killed by a giant red man-pony who evidently thinks I'm hostile."

"...Oh Celestia, Big Mac is after you?"

"Yes. Please, I beg of you, let me stay here before I die."

"I would never condemn anyone to such a fate. Not even Sweetie belle after I found out she stole my diary. ...Well, maybe then. But other than that, no."

"So, that's a yes?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Are you going to kill me?"

"Depends. How many diamonds went to waste into making this pick?"

"Not many."

"And that is...?"

"Three of my two-hundred and fifty or so."

Rarity blinked. "...And where did you get these?"

"Caves?"

After looking at the pickaxe again, she facehoofed. Of course he was a miner, with his filth-covered self and his apparel. "Ah, yes. Well then, if you wouldn't mind, please go straight to the bathroom and wash yourself off. I don't want dirt in my boutique."

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Somewhere...

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The Medic, after somehow being separated from his comrades, lands roughly. After gaining total consciousness, he stands up and looks around. He sees the cobblestone beneath him... Old buildings like what seem like a city... Some very hairy men walk by... Eventually, a man in red leather and chain-mail armor walks up to the Medic, a sword drawn.

"By the order of the Jarl, stop right there!"

"...Ohh, what ze fuck..."

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Hory shet, long chapter.

Not to mention I finished it before it was destroyed again! Yay!

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